08x08 - Patrick's Staycation/Walking the Plankton

[bunniefuu]

- Are ya ready, kids?

Aye aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye aye, Captain!

- O-o-oh!

- Good morning to you, too, Gary.

Help yourself to some breakfast kibble,

while I make ready for my day at...

The krusty krab.

- Finished your breakfast already, gar?

Well, you always were a good little eater.

- We can play fetch when I get home, Gary.

Right now Mister Krabs needs me.

There's leftovers in the fridge, if you get--

Gary, what has gotten into you?

Is there something important that you'd like to tell me?

Today is Sunday?

But that means--

- yeah. That's exactly right, gar-bear.

I can't go to work today.

Krusty krab is closed on Sundays.

Gee, Gary, I was really looking forward to work.

Now what purpose could today possibly have?

Yeah, Mister Krabs, did you need me to come in to work today?

Hi, Sandy.

Yeah.

No.

Just me and Gary.

No, I don't know yet.

Nah, I'm not sick.

You need a house sitter? Today?

- That's right, Spongebob. I know it's last minute.

But I'm-- - I would love to.

- Okay, Spongebob, my treedome is a highly technical facility,

and there are many facets to its operation.

Spongebob, are you gettin' all this?

- Here's a comprehensive list of dos and donts to follow.

- Well, this looks easy to remember.

It's just a little, black smudge.

That's to save paper.

You'll need a special reading scope.

- Now pay attention as I clue you in

on some of your more elaborate responsibilities.

This majestic structure is my kelp greenhouse.

Its functions are completely automated,

so all you have to do-- - wow!

- Is check this thermometer right here,

and make sure the temperature is normal.

- Or-mal.

Got it.

- And this is the robot warehouse.

It's where I keep all my robots.

- That stands to reason.

- This part's easy.

Alls you gotta do is come in here

and count every single one of these robots

and make sure none of 'em's gone missing.

You seem to be doin' a good job payin' attention, Spongebob.

- I respect your meticulous nature.

Why, thank you, Spongebob.

- What's next on the list?

- This here's my worm Incubator.

They're not set to hatch for weeks,

but I just thought I'd show it to you anyway.

And last, but not least

is my collection of rare and fragile artifacts

that has to be cleaned twice, daily.

Now are you sure you can handle all that, Spongebob?

- Trust me, Sandy, you've got nothin' to worry about.

Your beloved tree home is in my capable hands.

- Are ya sure? - Yup.

- Are you really sure?

- Really sure.

- Okay!

- Normal.

, ...

, ...

, .

Sandy said this collection of rare and fragile artifacts

needs to be gently cleaned, twice, daily.

There we go. Not a speck of dust anywhere.

Wait a minute.

Ah-hah!

There...we go.

Worm Incubator.

Well, looks like everything's fine here.

What the--

o-o-oh!

Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for...

Weeks!

What is going on?

Whoa! Patrick?

- Spongebob! There you are.

- Oh, what a relief.

I thought you were a horrible, mutant worm,

who was about to soak me with digestive juices

and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.

- Uh, no thanks. I had a late breakfast.

- Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?

- Well, 'cause we can't breathe in Sandy's treedome, 'member?

It's filled with air.

- Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me.

I almost forg--

pa-pa-pa-Patrick!

Help! Me! I--i! Can't! B--b--b--

breathe!

- There you go.

Thanks, Patrick, you're a lifesaver.

Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time

I got back to this list of house-sitting duties.

So without further ado, Patrick,

I'd like to ask you to please immediately exit the treedome.

- Uh, exit the--

exit the tree dome?

- That's right, exit the tree--

- oh, Spongebob, that's a great idea!

Oh, where should we go? Jellyfish fields?

Goo lagoon? Barg'n mart? Lucky Larry's?

- Well, lucky Larry's sounds-- - all right, let's go!

- Hold it!

I promised Sandy I'd take extra special care

of her treedome while she's at the inventor's convention today.

And that is exactly what I intend to do!

Patrick, this is a major responsibility.

- Well, in that case, I better stay and help you.

- N-n-n-n-nope.

- Please?

- Not gonna happen.

- Pretty please? - No way.

- Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?

- Oh, yeah, right.

- Pretty please with a scoop of strawberry, vanilla,

and chocolate ice cream, smothered in gooberberry sauce,

and topped with half a can of whipped topping?

- Patrick, what do you take me for?

- And a scoop of nuts!

- Deal. - Hooray!

- But you have to promise not to touch anything.

- I, Patrick star, hereby promise not to touch anything.

- Okay, now let's check the list to see what's next--

- Patrick!

- Patrick, no!

- You promised me you weren't gonna touch anything!

- I wasn't touching anything.

- Then what were you just doing

to Sandy's collection of rare and fragile artifacts?

- Um, tasting it.

- Okay, Patrick, I insist.

From now on, you must stick to me as closely as possible.

Do I make myself perfectly clear?

Patrick, I said, do I make myself perf--

Patrick?

Patrick? - Is this close enough?

- Okay, Patrick.

Tell me again what it is you're gonna do.

- Not touch anything.

What else?

- Not...do anything.

- And?

- Not...look at anything.

- Until when?

Until?

- Until Spongebob is done house-sitting.

Good boy, Patrick!

- Well, now that that's settled, let's see where i--

- Spongebob! - Yes, Patrick?

- Uh, can i--can i--

can i--can i-- can i--

- Patrick, how many times did we--

Uh-oh.

- Wasn't me!

Well, I guess I couldn't handle it after all.

I--

I'm a failure!

- Hey, buddy, it's not as bad as it seems.

- Oh, yeah? What makes you say that?

- Well, not everything's broken.

S-s-s-s-s-s-sa-Sandy!

How was the inventor's convention?

- Did you bring back any souvenirs?

- Funny y'all should ask that.

- It is? - Yep.

I brought home something real handy.

And I'm setting it on maximum power.

- Well, Spongebob, I guess this

is our final good-bye.

- I never thought I'd go out like this.

- At the hands of a squirrel?

- No, with a fish bowl on my head.

- Eureka! It works!

The experiment is a success.

Experiment?

- That's right, boys.

I wanted you to destroy my home all along

so I could test out this here new

rubble-reversin' ray blaster on some genuine rubble.

I could have just smashed all this stuff up myself,

but nobody destroys stuff quite like y'all.

You're not a failure, Spongebob.

You're a scientist!

- Huh-ray!

- Hooray!

Uh-oh.

- Wasn't me!

- Quit your worryin', y'all.

I can fix it all with my handy-dandy

rubble-reversin' ray blaster.

- Ha, ha, ha.

- Silly old robot.

He doesn't realize you have more than one of these ray g*ns.

Isn't that right, Sandy?

You do have more than one of them,

don't you, Sandy?

Sandy?

Spongebob!

Oh, thank you for dining at the krusty krab.

Can I give you a hand with that, Spongebob?

- Sure. Thanks, Squidward.

Gee, I guess playing kelpy g's music here in the restaurant

has really energized him.

Wow.

Kelpy's music is really, um, unique.

- Kelpy's not for everyone.

That was kelpy g

taking you on a trip that was out of this ocean.

Hope all of you kelpheads got your tickets early,

'cause his concert tonight at high tide stadium is--

sorry--sold out.

Kelpy g is performing tonight, Squidward!

But tickets are...

Sorry--sold out.

How could this be?

Whatever shall I do?

- You forgot to buy a ticket?

- Oh, no. I have a ticket.

I just don't know what I'll do

without you there.

Oh, wait, I just realized...

I'll be having the greatest time of my life!

- Squidward, may I at least gaze upon your ticket?

- Oh, yeah.

I show you the ticket and then

through some manner of folly,

you destroy it!

- You're probably not gonna get that back before showtime.

- This goes to all those sad sacks

without a ticket to tonight's concert.

We're giving away the last two tickets to one lucky caller.

- Oh, the dream is still alive!

- Hey, you are lucky loser number one.

Please try again.

Hey, you are lucky loser number five.

Please try again.

Hey, you are lucky loser number nine.

Please try again. --try again.

.

.

- Oh, come on!

Nothing but a scam.

- Hello.

You're winning caller number .

- I am?

- Not only have you won two front-row seats,

but you and a friend will go backstage

to meet kelpy g himself.

- Me and a friend.

I wonder who that will be?

Ooh, can you believe it?

We're gonna meet your hero, kelpy g.

So nice to be surrounded by such kindred spirits.

- You can say that again.

It's a rare treat to mingle

with true diehard smooth jazzists.

- You said it, lady!

I've been a diehard since : this morning!

Who's ready for a kelpy g concert tonight?

- Was it you who brought the raucous miscreant?

- Me? No, course not, no.

See all you fellow kelpheads at the show.

- Just keep your friend's outbursts under control.

- Isn't this so much fun, Squidward?

Whoa, I love your kelpy g wig, sir.

- What wig?

- Come on, Spongebob.

Spongebob's obnoxiousness is ostracizing me

from all these other fans.

Somehow I got to give him the slip.

- Whoa.

Just look at that lemonade line.

- Ha! That's it.

Uh, hang on, Spongebob.

I need a rest.

My throat is parched.

I sure wish I knew where one

could procure some lemonade.

- Mmm, yeah.

- I said, "I wonder where someone

could get some lemonade."

- Yeah. - D'oh!

It's right behind you, Spongebob!

Why don't I get one for you?

- Oh, no. Dear me.

Oh, no.

I could not have you wait

in that long line, Spongebob.

- It's no problem, Squidward.

Really, i-- - well, okay.

Since you insist. - All right.

One lemonade coming up.

See you after the show, spongy g.

Ahh, "turquoise scallop sun dance."

I just love this tune.

- Hey, hey.

A fellow mellow-jazz dazzler.

What's happening?

- Oh, just grooving to the soothing waves

of gentle g.

- Oh, I'm picking up what you're laying down.

You can grooze with us anytime.

- Don't mind if I do groove.

Look what I found!

- What the--how--what?

- Guess what. There's a second lemonade stand!

Hey, nice tune.

Nothing like a little accompaniment

to bring out the genius

of kelpy's kazoo playing, huh, guys?

- Kazoo?

Your friend obviously knows nothing

of kelpy g, man.

- Are you friends with Squidward?

- Friends? I should think not.

We only associate with true jazz dazzlers.

- But--but I dazzle.

I--

- whoo!

Kelpy! Yeah!

Put your hands together, people!

- Oh, boy.

- Hey, sponge, would you sit down

and shut your mouth?

- Well, thank you for speaking out.

- I had to.

- Hello all you snazzy jazzlers.

Please put your thumbs and forefingers together

and give a warm welcome to...

The pied Piper of jazz himself,

kelpy g.

Bravo! Bravo!

- Wow!

- Such immaculate music.

It's the very voice of Neptune himself.

- Excuse me, sir.

Do you have any ketchup?

- No, I don't think-- what? Ketchup?

- Patrick, what brought you here?

Two words, Spongebob:

Na...chos.

Two words, Get lost.

- What's that?

- Oh, no, you don't, Patrick!

You stay away from my backstage--

- It's okay, Squidward.

You're the biggest kelpy g fan I know.

Please take my backstage pa--

Tummy want more.

- Oh, boy.

I am gonna get those passes back

even if I have to rip Patrick in half!

What the--

I would like two extra-cheesy nachos

with a side of cheese

and two vanilla coral shakes.

Uh, actually, make that

two cheese coral shakes.

And instead of whip cream on top,

I'll take cream cheese on the bottom.

That's it for now.

- Get him!

- I feel so alive.

- Hey, come back here

with those backstage passes!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Where do you think you're going?

- But our--our friend just took our--

- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't care about the whosits or the whatsits.

Clear the aisle and go back to your seat.

- Oh, well.

At least we still have our seats.

- You got a problem, tentacle head?

- Yeah, I got a problem.

Those are my seats, you numbskull!

I'm gonna rant for a while.

You're just gonna sit there, aren't you?

You're not gonna move at all.

We waited long and hard for this.

Tonight's ruined.

A complete disaster.

And I didn't even meet kelpy g.

- Keep it jazzy, miles.

Hey, thanks for the grub.

- We're in, Spongebob.

Now I'll finally get to meet the incomparable kelpy--

- hey! This is a private area!

Only people with backstage passes can come back here!

- Oh, well, you see, sir, we had backstage passes,

but my friend ate 'em with his nachos.

Then he dove off the stage and got

carried away by the audience.

- What are you talking about?

I'm kelpy g's manager.

Now read my lips.

- "No backstage passes, no entry."

- And no seeing kelpy g! Got it?

- Oh, please!

Please let me see him!

Please! Please! Please!

- Get up, man.

Have some dignity.

- But--but--but what if I told you, uh...

I'm--I'm a clarinet player myself?

Yeah.

I call this one "ninth movement:

A kaleidoscope of stars."

Wait, hold for it.

- Right this way, Mr. G.

Another show,

another intermission.

- Your dressing room is right over here, sir.

- Hold on a smooth second.

Who let those two back here?

That sounds horrible!

I'll get 'em right out. - No, no.

I agree the clarinet sounds abysmal.

But that ukulele?

Genius.

And his clogs,

they're just like mine, see?

Excuse me, young man.

- Hello, kelpy.

It's great to finally meet--

- and what might you be called?

- Spongebob Squarepants.

- Come, young protege.

Let us woo the crowd with sounds of heavenly delight.

Kelpy, kelpy, kelpy,

kelpy.

- Oh, there he is.

- At this time,

I'd like to welcome a very special guest to the stage.

Mr. Spongebob smoothpants.

- This isn't fair!

I should be on stage, not Spongebob.

I'm the mega talent!

I'll show you, kelpy.

But I'm a musician!