09x23 - Sandy's Nutmare/Bulletin Board

[bunniefuu]

- Are you ready, kids?

Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! - Ready?

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants!

- Spongebob

Squarepants!

Watch this.

- Mmm--hey. - Hey.

Hiyah!

Hiyah, hiyah!

Hiyah!

Aww.

Isn't it a little early for autumn, Sandy?

- Yeah, it's only, um...

June o'clock.

- It ain't autumn.

Oh, my tree is dying.

- Good, we can use the wood.

- Patrick, stop.

I can save it with science.

- Okay. Hmm.

- Feed me.

- Jumping beans on a trampoline.

You're starving.

I got to make you the best fertilizer

known to critter-kind.

Ah, growth pills.

Hey.

Nuts.

Aha.

Yeehaw!

Aw, I hope this is the pick-me-up

you needed, ole girl.

Well, kiss my grits.

This here's the biggest acorn I ever did see.

And so are those.

I'd better start storing these for winter.

I might need an alternate storage solution.

Hey there, Spongebob.

Could you swing by my place?

I love squirreling away nuts,

but this is just too much.

- I'd say you've certainly got a real nut-mare

on your hands.

- Just dump these somewhere.

I'm gonna put more under my bed.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Stop!

- Whoa. Who are you?

- I am the spirit guide of the Salmon people.

I am a shalmon.

- Oh, hey there, shalmon.

My name is Spongebob.

- Why do you dump your nuts

on my people's land, Spongebob?

- Oh, they're not mine.

They're my friend Sandy's.

- Allow me to give you some sage advice.

You must not squander nature's bounty.

Nuts are meant to be eaten.

It's all in my book.

Meant to be eaten, eh?

- Of course.

The earth provides our food,

and we must care for her in return.

It's all about balance, my friend.

Look at my garden.

- Wow. It's coming in great.

Over there.

- Even better.

- So some shalmon guy told you people would want

to eat my nuts, and you believe him?

Surely the shalmon isn't a sham.

- Shirtainly not.

I mean, certainly not.

Let's see what we can cook up.

"Aged nut brie,

ghost nut chili."

How about nutty butter?

Seems easy enough to make.

Whoo-hoo!

That's delicious.

- Wow.

Patrick will want to try this.

- Try what?

- Patrick, that nutty butter is for eating.

- I know.

Why don't you boys take some

for the road?

Thanks.

- Can I have some more?

It's hard to eat off this side of me.

- Sure, Patrick.

Here's the last of it.

- Thanks, Sandy.

- There, everything's back to normal.

We love nutty butter. - What in tarnation?

We love nutty butter. We love nutty butter.

We love nutty butter. - Hi, Sandy.

- Patrick, what's going on here?

- I want more nutty butter.

- Who are all these people?

We love nutty butter. We love nutty butter.

- Oh, they licked the nutty butter off my back.

And now they're here for more.

- Aw, gosh, Patrick,

I don't have enough to feed everyone.

- But it's the only thing my boy will eat.

- Guess I'll have to go to bed hungry again.

- Well, I don't want to let anyone down.

I can make some more acorns.

- Making everyone's day with my nutty butter

really gives me the warm and tinglies.

- In fact, demand's been so high,

I scienced up a way to increase my production.

Spongebob here scoops acorns onto the conveyor belt.

Then the tubes take them inside,

where I turn them into nutty butter.

- Sandy, according to the shalmon's book,

we shouldn't try to force nature to give us more than she's able.

- Don't worry about my tree, Spongebob.

Worry about the crowd of nutty butter fans outside.

We want nutty butter. We want nutty butter.

- We're gonna need a lot more acorns

to feed them all.

Sandy's tree's not looking so good.

I don't think it can take much more of this, Patrick.

It's like Sandy said.

"Something, something, something, science."

And who are we to argue with science?

Oh, no.

The nuts stopped.

- Hold on. I got this.

- Oh, no.

Patrick, we have to do something.

Sandy'll never forgive us if we ruin her tree.

- And I'll never forgive her if she runs out of nutty butter.

- Please, please, no pushing.

I'll make more.

Remember, Sandy's the squirrel you can count on.

- Whoo-hoo!

- Oh, no.

What in the sam hill is going on around here?

- The tree got real sick. - Don't worry.

I made more nutty butter with the rest of the nuts.

- You used all the nuts?

Jumpin' jiminy.

Time for another dose of fertilizer.

- Sandy, wait.

I don't think that's what your tree needs.

- The boy is right.

Why do you hurt your tree?

A tree would never hurt you.

Ouch!

Dang splinters.

- Shalmon?

- Wait, you're the one who said

I should feed my nuts to the people?

- Indeed.

But to feed so many

from a single tree...

Let me share with you a story.

Long ago, before fish walked the seas,

there lived in the sky one sun.

- One star.

- Hello.

- And one moon.

- What the--

- During the day,

the star would play with the sun.

At night, the star

would play with the moon.

Get away from me!

- The star did not want to let his friends down,

but he alone could not keep up

with both the sun and the moon.

- Finally, some peace.

- That is when the star had an idea.

Oh, no.

- There goes the neighborhood.

- By creating many copies,

the star was able to keep the sun and moon happy,

without wearing himself out.

Do you understand why I tell you this tale?

- Hello? Wake up.

- I didn't know there was gonna be a test.

- Oh, I got so wrapped up in not letting anyone down

that I asked too much of my tree...

and my friends.

- Perhaps with many trees,

you could continue serving your community

in a natural and sustainable manner.

I mean, pretty much anything is better than this mess.

Yeesh.

- Thanks, Shammy,

but I'm a one-tree kind of squirrel.

I'm gonna do what I should've done in the first place:

order the ole girl

some nutritious new dirt from Texas.

- Well, my work here is done.

It's time I return to my people.

Let me offer some sage advice.

You must listen to the earth and the stars,

for only they can guide you...

to my stop at the corner of Olive and Victory.

- Sir, stand behind the white line, please.

- Typical. It never ends.

- And how was your meal today, ma'am?

- Oh, delicious.

I wish I could tell everyone

how great my meal was.

- Well, you're more then welcome to go to each table

and tell 'em about your satisfactory experience.

- I don't really have time to do that.

Perhaps I will mention it in my will.

- Well, if that's the way you want it.

- Wait! I have an idea.

- Hold on a second. That's me corkboard.

It's for all me...

memos.

- Mister Krabs, think of it now as...

a bulletin board for the community,

a place where a yearning populace

can express themselves freely.

Well, I was just gonna loiter,

but now I think I'll get a Krabby Patty.

- Hey, everybody,

a community bulletin board is here.

Tell your friends to come on down and use it

for the good of me business-- me wallet--

I mean, the community.

Community.

- Oh, I really hope people like it.

- Number one with a star.

- See, Mister Krabs?

The community bulletin board is a good thing.

- Yes. Yes, it is.

It's bringing me closer to my favorite part

of the community: their money.

- Let's see what other nice people are saying.

- What are you shrieking about?

- Nothing. I just love to shriek.

- Step aside, boy, you're blocking

me moneymaking bulletin board.

- "When I eat at the Krusty Krab..."

Ouch.

Hey, not on my bulletin board.

- Whoa, whoa, dude, what's with the censorship?

The community bulletin board is for everybody.

You can't just take something down

because you think it's bogus.

- Mister Krabs, Surfer Fish is right.

The board is sacred, and it must be respected.

"Dear P-Star , I'm so sorry you had

"a less than stellar experience at the Krusty Krab,

"and we promise to do better in future.

Signed, Fry-Banshee ."

Ha. Crisis averted.

"Signed, GuyBesideU ."

"Dumb-blurted, LOL?"

"What's the point?"

"I could make a better Patty out of mud"?

Where are all these notes coming from?

- Pencils, paper.

Pencils, paper.

- I want to express the worst side of myself.

Why not?

And don't forget to feed your hatred

with a selection from our menu.

- If only I could figure out who this P-Star is.

- Hello.

- P-Star is my new hero.

- Hey, that's me.

- Yeah, right.

- He really knows how to complain.

- But I wasn't com--

- P-Star is cool because he's anonymous.

- Oh, yeah.

He's cool because he's a nanny mouse.

- You may not like what P-Star has to say,

but you have to agree that he keeps it real.

He's a true hero for our troubled times.

- Well, I'll just have to make my Krabby Patties better

so P-Star will like 'em.

No, it's not round enough.

Maybe just a little off the edge here.

No, now the other side is wobbly.

I'll just even it up a little here.

Now it's smaller than that one.

Hey, Squidward. - Yes?

- Has P-Star responded to my nice note yet?

- Oh, he responded hours ago.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Because I don't care?

- That's for me.

- His vituperative hyperbole

has certainly diminished your credibility.

- Oh, why did you have to say that?

- You're right.

I should have put it on the bulletin board instead.

"Signed, HandsomeLad ."

- You may be handsome, HandsomeLad ,

but you're very mean.

- Yeah, that's a good one, yeah.

You know, all this note-writing

must be making you folks hungry.

We have a short line at the register.

- I brought a bag lunch.

Wait a second.

None of you bulletin-board browsers

are buying me patties?

- Why would we buy food from a place

that "smells like stinky armpits"?

- What?

That's not true.

- Hey, it's on the board.

- And the board is never wrong.

- Does anyone need to buy a pen?

How about some paper?

- What's wrong?

- It's this P-Star .

He's been saying terrible things about me

and the Krusty Krab.

- Oh, I think they were all good things.

- Not good.

He said the Krusty Krab

made him feel dark and empty inside.

- Well, he probably meant

his stomach was dark and empty,

and he was hungry for more.

- No, a master of acid wit like P-Star

would never express himself so clumsily.

He called me Cry-Baby .

- You were Fry-Banshee?

- Yeah.

- Well, maybe he just thought

it was funny,

and--and when he said that Krabby Patties

taste like old baseball gloves--

- He said that?

- Oh, not yet.

Taste like old baseball gloves, do they?

I don't know who this P-Star is,

but he's brilliant.

- He's a diabolical genius, that's what he is.

- Mister Krabs, the grill's gone cold.

- Nobody's ordering, son.

It's that cursed corkboard.

I'm gonna take it down. It's nothing but trouble.

- You can't, Mister Krabs. It's for the community.

I still believe in the power of the bulletin board.

- "You smell."

- "One of your eyes is too big."

- "Close your mouth when you eat."

- Oh, "This picture looks like

it was drawn by a brine shrimp!"

Oh, Daddy.

"Squidward Tentacles

"should never be allowed

"behind a cash register.

P-Star ."

Oh, that is it.

Why can't any of these yokels

understand I'm working here ironically?

- Oh, sure you are.

P-Star has your number, all right.

- I'm gonna giveyou a number...

of contusions!

- People, can't you see what's happened?

This bulletin board has become

a bullying board.

- Okay that's it.

Everybody out.

- I can't believe we're being kicked out again.

Let's go to my house.

- Oh, P-Star is bringing out the worst in everybody.

I'd like to send him a message.

- We'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget.

- A lesson in polite manners.

- Or we could push him off a cliff.

- Ooh, excellent option, Mr. Squidward.

- We have to find out who this P-Star is.

Gentlemen, I propose a stakeout.

Pineapple One to Mad Daddy.

Come in, Mad Daddy.

- This is Mad Daddy.

I read you, Pineapple One.

Any movement?

- Negatory.

Pineapple One to Delicate Flower.

Come in, Delicate Flower.

- I am not answering to Delicate Flower!

- Shh. Maintain radio silence.

Wait a minute. I see something.

- Ooh.

- So that's what happens to the ketchup stains.

- Surprise, P-Star !

Patrick?

I'll tear you to pieces.

- Patrick.

You're P-Star ?

- Well, that's what my last note was about, Spongebob.

I was upset that people take everything I say

the wrong way.

- So when you said that Krabby Patties

reminded you of old baseball gloves,

you really meant that they gave you the feeling

of your carefree youth.

Yeah, I think.

- You hear that, Boardy?

It wasn't you. It was never you.

We were the monsters all along.

- Well, I'm still angry!

And I need something to calm me down.

Ooh, this knitting circle ought to do the trick.

And you all are joining me.

Especially you, Delicate Flower.

- Oh, ratfish.

- Pineapple One to Knit Mama.

Can I needle you for a little more yarn?

- Oh, brother.

Please bring back P-Star .