-Are you ready, kids?
-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain.
-I can't hear you.
-Aye, aye, Captain!
♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
Under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow
And porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense
Be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck
And flop like a fish ♪
-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
-Ready?
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
[captain laughs]
[piccolo playing]
[ocean waves crashing,
seagulls calling]
[snores]
Whoa. [grunts]
-Patrick!
-[groans]
What are you doing out here,
silly?
I'm waiting for you,
so we can play the day away!
Aw, barnacles.
You're wearing
that dumb hat again.
Every time you wear
that stupid thing,
you're gone for the whole day.
That's because this is
my work hat, Patrick.
I have to wear it
when I go to work.
Well, why don't you
just take it off,
so you don't have to
go to work today?
[laughs]
It doesn't work that way, buddy.
[groans] I hate that hat!
[laughs]
Fine! Have it your way, hat!
Looks like Squidward
has time to play.
-Hey, Squidward!
-What?
Oh, no! He's got the hat, too!
Don't worry, Patrick.
I'll be back from work at : .
-We can play then.
-Oh.
I'll show you, SpongeBob!
I'll get a job! And a hat!
Whoa, whoa! That's enough, lad!
What do you think,
I'm made of ketchup?
-Now, run along, boy.
-[shutters clicking]
Eh? That sounds like...
a band of roving tourists!
[shutters clicking, murmuring]
Wait! Come back!
Don't you want to
give me your money?
[sighs]
They're a slippery bunch.
What do I got to do
to catch them?
Stand around out here all day?
What are you doing there,
Patrick?
Standing around
out here all day.
[bell rings]
[chimes glisten, shutters click]
How would you like a job,
Patrick?
Oh, boy! Give me my hat!
You'll get your hat,
but first you have to entice
people into the restaurant
by standing right here
and holding this sign.
That's not too tough
for you, is it, boy?
Sounds complicated.
But if it gets me a work hat...
-How's this?
-Perfect!
You'll be wearing that hat
in no time at all.
Oh, boy!
-[laughs]
-What's shaking, Mr. K?
Your buddy Patrick.
I hired him to stand out there
and hold that sign.
Oh. He is good.
And look. He's about to reel in
his first customer.
Can you direct me
to the Krusty Krab, please?
Uh...
What does he think he's doing?!
They're walking right past him!
Patrick, you need to get
their attention, boy.
-OK.
-Ouch.
That ain't the kind
of attention we need.
Why don't you show
a little razzle dazzle?
Maybe give the sign
a little twirl or something.
Oh. [gasps]
Guess we'll keep working on
that one. Eh, boy? And listen.
If any tourists stroll by,
why don't you just blow 'em
away with a little extra twirl?
Anything for my new hat.
[shutters clicking, murmuring]
[sign buzzing]
[moans]
[screams]
That's enough, Patrick.
[screaming]
I did it!
Did you see that, Mr. Krabs?
I saw it.
Do I get my hat now?
What the heck?
It pays to advertise.
My hat.
Uh...
What's wrong with him?
What's the matter, Patrick?
I don't know.
Sometimes when I'm nervous,
I forget how to stand.
He's nervous.
[laughs] Look at that guy.
He doesn't know how to
stand on his own two feet.
[laughs] Now, that's
the kind of mindlessness
I'd pay money to see.
You mean, cash money?
-Well, heck yeah.
-$ . , please.
All right!
-There's that sound again.
-[shutters clicking]
[all laugh]
They're loving it!
Patrick, you captured the
attention of all these tourists
with your ridiculous flapdoodle.
-I did?
-That's right.
I think we finally found
a job you're good at,
being an absolute buffoon.
If it's folly you crave,
it can be found exclusively
at the Krusty Krab!
-For just $ . a head.
-[cash register rings]
[laughter]
It's official.
[laughter]
I hate everyone.
[laughter]
You imbeciles think
that's entertainment?
Well, brace yourselves
for some true entertainment.
[playing]
-Patrick?
-Yeah?
-Are you OK?
-I'm fine.
[playing continues,
customers booing]
Oh, oh, that horrible noise!
Let's get out of here!
What the barnacles
is going on out here?
I'm entertaining these heathens.
We got all the entertainment
we need, thank you very much.
-Where'd he go?
-Come on, Patrick. Easy, now.
Right this way.
What in the name of Neptune
is going on here?
Patrick had a bloody nose,
so I was going to walk him home.
Oh, a bloody nose, eh?
You think I was born yesterday?
He doesn't even have a nose.
Now, get back to work,
the all of yas.
I'm not running
a happy factory here.
Keep up the good work, Patrick.
You got it, Mr. K.
That guy's still flopping?
Yeah. Amazing, isn't it?
Doesn't that get old?
-Um...
-He's got a point.
Yeah. You seen enough?
Yeah, let's get out of here.
Me too. I'm out.
What? Wait. Don't go.
Why are you leaving?
This guy's act is stale.
We crave excitement!
[all muttering]
OK, OK. You want excitement?
What if I added a box? Huh? Huh?
-Sort of the same, really.
-Yeah.
Oh. OK.
Uh, so, what if he flopped
from two boxes?
Uh... into a cream pie?
I like pie.
-Say, now.
-That I'd pay to see.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
[moans]
OK, boy. Let 'er rip!
[all cheer]
I'll be in the back,
counting me money.
If the crowd gets bored,
add some more boxes.
Whatever.
Hey, Hat Man.
How you feeling after
your first day on the job?
I feel like a million bucks.
Patrick!
Patrick, are you all right?
Say something.
[murmurs indistinctly]
OK, that's it!
No best friend of mine
is going to suffer
permanent brain trauma
just so Mr. Krabs
can make a quick buck!
I'm going to go have
a talk with him right...
No! P-Please!
Don't tell Mr. Krabs!
You don't understand.
For years, people have been
telling me, "You're no good."
Now I'm good!
I have a hat to prove it.
I don't want to go back
to being No-Hat Patrick.
-[sobs]
-OK, buddy.
I understand.
Just promise me one thing.
What's that, pal?
-Just be careful, hmm?
-Thanks, pal.
I'm worried about Patrick.
I'm not sure his new job
is good for him.
See the part-time
minimum-wage employee
fall from high atop this tower
into this bucket
of spiny sea urchins!
This should be good.
Patrick!
Hi, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs,
you can't let him do this.
He might get hurt.
Oh, it's OK, boy.
He signed a waiver.
Is he ready, Mr. Squidward?
[groans] Ready.
OK. Step back, boy.
You wouldn't want
to stain your uniform.
Hey, good idea. Hey, Squidward,
could you hold my hat,
so it won't get hurt?
Thanks, buddy.
Ready, Patrick?
Ready!
Oh, I can't watch!
[sobs hysterically]
[blows nose forcefully]
Hey! Ew.
[board creaks]
Come on, Patrick.
We've got
a perfectly good bucket
of spiny sea urchins down here.
I'm trying.
[board creaks, Patrick groans]
I think I'm stuck!
Stuck?
Well, if that don't beat all.
What's the hold up,
Mr. Squidward?
Don't look at me.
I'm just here to hold his hat.
Patrick,
why have you stopped falling?
I don't know, Mr. Krabs.
Well, you better figure it out.
These people paid good money
for a floor show
full of pain and humiliation.
Now, make with
the codswallop, pal.
-Understand?
-Uh-huh.
Don't make me come back here.
Hey, Squidward?
Do you think you could,
uh, you know--
You want me to push you
off your precarious perch
into a bucket
of spiny sea urchins?
Oh, if only you were SpongeBob.
OK, I'll do it.
[screams]
[grunts] Thanks, Squidward.
[screams]
Oh, my hat! Gotcha!
Oh, right back where you belong!
[both screaming]
Great! We get to see
two for the price of one.
I don't think so.
-Fine.
-Thank you.
-[screams]
-Look, Squidward, I'm falling!
-Oh, I'm so happy for you.
-I figured it out.
It's the hat that makes me fall.
It-It makes me top-heavy.
[screaming, crashing]
[squishing]
So, it was your hat that was
making you fall the whole time.
I paid to see
two guys get maimed.
Yeah, I want a refund.
Sorry. Absolutely no refunds.
Hey, hey. Hold on there.
What's the big idea?
Whoa! Whoa! You're crazy!
[shouts indistinctly]
Mama! [screams]
All right.
You leave me no choice.
You're giving me a raise?
Not even close.
You're fired.
As long as I'm still standing,
you'll never wear
this hat again.
-[sobs]
-Patrick, you OK?
Well, I guess it's back
to being No-Hat Pat.
It's OK, Patrick.
Not everyone is equipped
to bear the awesome weight
of responsibility
that a uniform hat represents.
But you can wear mine
any time you want.
-Really?
-Sure thing, pal.
Thanks, SpongeBob.
You're the best.
Any time, pal. Any time.
[sighs]
Patrick.
Yeah?
What do you want to do today?
I don't know.
I guess we could play something.
-How about a yo...
-No.
...yo?
-Buried treasure board game?
-Nah.
-Mama.
-Dollies?
Hmm... nope.
No.
Nope.
Nope. Uh-uh.
No. No.
-How about this?
-Hello.
Uh-uh.
Hey, we could play with
our Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy
action figures.
Ew, Barnacle Boy's
all chewed up.
And slimy.
[noisy chewing]
Yeah, that'll happen.
Oh, there is just
nothing to play with.
There's got to be
something we could do.
[hums tune]
Hey, what are you doing
in my house?!
Hi, Squidward. Can you think
of anything fun we can do?
Get out!
Yeah, we thought of that one.
I believe this pile
belongs to you.
Where we going now, boys?
Aw.
[sighs]
I'm so bored.
There's got to be
something we can do!
[helicopter approaching]
[both] "It's coming."
-Oh...
-Oh...
-boy!
-boy!
-It's coming.
-It's coming.
-It's coming.
-It's coming.
[Patrick] "Almost there."
We're almost there.
[Patrick] "Here it is."
[SpongeBob] "Welcome to
Bikini Bottom's newest..."
"Toy store"?
-Oh!
-Oh, yeah!
Yeah!
[both cheering]
Well, we're here.
[Patrick]
But where's the toy store?
Well, I guess it's not open yet.
Not... open?
[sobs]
[both sobbing]
What are you crying about?
We wanted to go to the toy
store, but it's not open yet.
Well, it's open now. Look.
See?
-Feel better now?
-Mm-hmm.
Then quit your crying
and get in there!
[loud crash]
I got it.
Patrick. Patrick, get up.
No, thanks. I'm good down here.
Look.
[toy train whistle blowing]
-Oh.
-Wow.
[gasps] Patrick, look at that.
[gasps] Wow.
Can I help you?
That depends.
Tell me, do you like to...
♪ Sing ♪?
Oh, no.
[clears throat]
[plays note, inhales deeply]
♪ La... ♪
♪ Toys, glorious toys ♪
♪ La-la-la, toys ♪
Yeah.
Hey, Patrick.
Hey, SpongeBob.
What's with the tutu?
It's not a tutu.
It's a mantu.
You can tell because it has...
[deep voice] extra support.
[normal voice]
I got the last one.
Uh-huh. [grunts]
[crashing, scream]
What a great day.
I hope it never ends.
Never.
Attention, shoppers.
The store is now closed.
Please exit immediately.
[cries] I don't want to go!
Dad, I want it!
No!
[grunts]
Aw, the store's closing.
We'll have to leave now.
What part of "never"
don't you understand?
-Patrick, we have to leave.
-I'm not moving.
But they'll just come
and kick us out.
Not if we hide.
Hide? Isn't that kind of sneaky?
Uh-huh. It's sneaky, all right.
Really sneaky.
Come on.
Haven't you always wanted
to have
a toy store all to yourself?
No. But I do now.
What'll we do first?
We need to find a hiding spot
where they'll never find us.
And I know just the place.
[sniffs]
-[barks, sniffs, growls]
-Come on, boy. Let's go.
The store's empty, so go ahead
and lock her up, Frank.
My name is Steve.
Whatever floats your boat,
Frank.
The coast is clear.
Push, SpongeBob, push.
[grunts]
Push, man, push!
[yells]
Oh, oh...
OK, SpongeBob,
give me your hand.
That's my boy.
Brace yourself.
[groans]
Thanks, pal.
Well, we did it.
Yay!
Yay! Oh, this is so awesome.
Nothing can ruin it.
[both scream]
[screaming]
Patrick, is that you?
-What?
-I said is that you?
I can't hear you.
It's too dark in here.
Don't worry,
I'll just use my night vision.
You have night vision?
Yeah.
How long have you had that?
Remember that flashlight
I stuck in my ear?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I guess it worked its way
into my brain.
[electrical crackling]
sh**t, the batteries are dead.
Oh, it's dark.
It's scary.
[sobs]
Calm down, buddy.
We just need to find
the light switch.
But you have to
let me down first.
Yeah, right, SpongeBob.
I let you down,
we find the light switch
and everything turns out peachy.
Yes.
Look around you, SpongeBob!
-We're surrounded!
-By toys?
That... want... to... get us.
[yells]
[both scream]
[both whimper]
[loud bang]
[booming footsteps]
[both scream]
[screaming and crying]
[both laugh]
[crashing]
[both groan]
[gasping]
Are we gonna hide in here
for the rest of our lives?
No.
Are we going to
the ladies' room again?
No, we're going to fight back.
And we are going to win!
[laughs] That was fun.
Now let's dress up
like fairy princesses.
[booming footsteps]
[both growl]
Ready, Patrick?
Let's get some.
[both scream]
[both] Nothing can stop it!
It was nice knowing you, pal.
I know. I'm an interesting guy.
[toy squawks]
[both sigh]
No, Patrick, don't!
What?
[both scream]
[cheering]
[sighs]
The Toy Barrel is now
open for business.
Prepare for more fun
than you've ever had.
[cheering]
[screaming]
My eyes!
With Neptune as my witness,
may you never experience
the unholy terrors
that are inside that store.
Hey, they're open!
[laughs] I love toys!
06x20 - No Hat for Pat/Toy Store of Doom
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.