-Are you ready, kids?
-[kids] Aye, aye, Captain!
-I can't hear you!
-Aye, aye, Captain!
Oh...
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
Under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow
And porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense
Be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck
And flop like a fish ♪
-♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
-Ready?
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob ♪
♪ SquarePants ♪
[laughs]
[plays airy tune]
Seven, six, five, four,
three, two...
[cheers] Open for business!
Yah. Woo[!]
Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs,
can I do it today?
Huh-huh? Can I? Can I do it?!
[chuckles] I suppose you can
have the honor today, lad.
[laughs, whoops]
, ...
Freshness, check!
Buns, check!
Fresh patties... [yells]
...check!
Oh, silly me. I'm forgetting
one more minor detail.
[grunts]
Oh, yeah!
Is it getting hot in here?
[laughs] Or is it just you?
-[bell rings]
-[yells]
"Two Krabby Patties."
"P.S. SpongeBob you're an idiot.
Love, Squidward."
Oh, love you too, Squiddy!
Two Krabby Patties
comin' right up... [groans]
-[shaking]
-[grunts]
Hmm...
Gotcha! [strains, grunts]
[shattering]
[strains, yells]
[sighs]
This thing is stuck pretty good!
[groans]
[yells]
[moans] I guess this is it.
[sliding]
Oh! You really saved me...
[yells]
Hey, a splinter!
OK, well it's been nice
knowing ya,
but you have got to go... now.
OK. Out we go.
Whoa, that kinda hurts.
Come on. [grunts]
Oh, that really hurts.
Oh, barnacles, this hurts!
[pants] Conk shelled manatees!
This is painful!
[wheezes]
[strains]
[squeals]
[pants]
OK. You're tough, you're smart,
you are charming.
But you're still
no match for me!
Look!
A bald eagle with a moustache!
[chomps, strains]
OK, fine, stay.
But I hope you like
making Krabby Patties.
Excuse me, sir, but, um,
I ordered a couple
Krabby Patties a while ago,
and I'm wondering
when they'll be out.
[laughs] It looks like
I'm crushing your face.
-[laughs]
-So will they be ready soon?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't
move too much. It ruins it.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
You're making this
a little difficult.
Luckily, I am ambidextrous!
Perfection!
[rings bell]
-I hear you. I hear you.
-OK, good!
Cos these two Krabby Patties
are ready!
[groans]
-SpongeBob?
-Yes?
-Can I ask you something?
-Yes.
-What's that?
-What's what?
-You know.
-[spatula shakes]
Know what?
-This?
-What?
-This thing here.
-What thing where?
The spatula...
[yells] tied to your nose!
[laughs] This! Well, you see,
this got stuck up there!
So I stacked stuff
and climbed up to reach it.
I reached to grab it. I got it,
but then I fell and I screamed!
I was sure I was dead.
But I wasn't.
Then I got this splinter...
Squidward? Squidward,
were you listening at all?
I got this really bad splinter.
See?
I couldn't hold the spatula
so I used my nose!
-Makes sense now, right?
-Oh, yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
You're a half-wit
who injured himself at work
being a nit-wit.
[laughs] Good one, Squiddy!
Injury! Your brain is injured.
Wait a minute!
Did you say you got that
splinter injury at work?
-Yeah.
-Oh. [scoffs]
-That's not good.
-I know. It hurts so bad.
Yeah, when Mr. Krabs finds out,
oh, man.
-Finds out what?
-Finds out about this injury!
You mean, my splinter?
He'll be forced
to send you home.
H-h-home? But I'm fine.
Here, let me take this for you.
Why? Hey, wait. I'm fine!
It was a good shift
while it lasted.
While it lasted?
What are you doing?
Wh-why are you...
I know it's hard to say goodbye.
But, Squidward, I'm fine!
♪ I'm fine, I'm OK
Look at me, nothing's wrong ♪
♪ See, see ♪
-See, see.
-Oh, I believe you, SpongeBob.
But unfortunately,
the rules clearly state
you must be sent home.
No! Anything but that!
Please, Squidward.
You can't let this happen!
[sobs] You can't let them
force me away.
Sorry. The rules are the rules.
[sobs]
Yeah, it'll be pretty quiet
around here
with Mr. Krabs sending you home
early and all.
I just hope we'll make it
through
the whole rest of this day
without you here.
[hyperventilates]
Please, Squidward!
Don't tell Mr. Krabs! [sobs]
What? Me? Tell Mr. Krabs?
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No.
[inhales] Phew!
-Well, maybe.
-[gasps]
[heart pounding]
I don't have to
tell Mr. Krabs...
because he already knows!
[shattering, shriveling]
[deflating, shaking]
[screams]
-He does?
-Oh, yeah!
Krabs has
preternatural instincts
when it comes to situations
like this.
It's almost as if
when something's amiss
in his restaurant...
he can smell it!
[sniffs]
[continues sniffing]
[sniffs]
These quarters smell sad!
You're not planning on getting
a refill with 'em, are ya?
No, I wasn't!
[slurps, grunts]
[gasps] You're right,
Squidward! I need help!
[dialing]
Please, pick up! Please,
pick up! Please, pick up!
[tapping]
-Patrick?
-Yeah?
Thank goodness you're there!
I got a splinter...
Mm-hmm. I see!
Well, I'm pretty booked today,
but I think I can fit you in.
-Thanks, Patrick!
-No problem!
[inhales]
You called the right person,
Mr. SpongeBob.
[grunts]
Now let's see
where the problem's at.
Hmm. Interesting. [sniffs]
Uh, Patrick?
Hmm. Interesting.
Patrick?!
[sucks]
[gargles, chews]
-Patrick, this isn't helping!
-Oh! I'm sorry[!]
[popping]
I didn't realize
you were a doctor! [scoffs]
-I'm not!
-I'm sure you can figure it out
with your years
of med school.
-You didn't go to med school!
-So?!
Patrick, sorry.
I really need your help!
Oh, no. It looks like
you have things under control.
Please, Patrick! I don't wanna
go home early! [cries]
OK! But we play by my rules,
SquareBob.
Well, here's your problem!
But don't you worry, buddy.
We're gonna make it go away!
Thanks, Patrick.
You're a lifesaver!
[yells]
[creaking]
There appears to be
a little bit of swelling.
This garbage compress
should help that go down.
[squelching]
That doesn't look good.
-[alarm beeping]
-Yeah, but my shift is over.
Call me in the morning.
If you can still dial a phone.
[sighs]
[gasps]
-What's that?
-What's what?
-Behind yer back!
-You mean this?
Put yer hat on, boy!
Show some company pride!
[chuckles]
Company pride, of course!
-Uh, SpongeBob?
-Yes?
Have you always had three legs?
-Yes.
-Interesting.
What's this about a splinter
Squidward's been telling me
all about?
[gasps]
-All right, boy! Let's see it!
-[whimpers]
Come on, SpongeBob.
It's just a little splinter.
I mean, how bad could it...
[gasps]
Oh, merciful Neptune!
-[groans]
-OK. No problem. No problem.
[honking]
-Problem sol...
-[deflating]
Phew! For a second there,
I thought I was going to
have to pay you
workman's compensation.
What's worker's compensation??
You know, when you get paid
for sitting at home.
You mean, I can get paid
while I'm at home?!
What do ya think
"compensation" stands for?!
-[clattering]
-[grunts]
Uh, Squidward?
[banging]
[grunting]
Can I get my compensation now?
Sorry, Squidward. Your shift
ended over two minutes ago.
[groans]
[snores, smacks lips]
[water pouring]
[whistling]
Huh?! What's that?
Hmm. Must be hearing things.
[inhales] Ah.
Smell that fresh morning sea.
-[sings to himself]
-[whistling]
Huh?
Must be hearing things, again.
[whistling]
[whistling, popping]
-[whistling]
-[sighs] What is that noise?
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle]
[sighs] I should've guessed.
Its too early for this.
[giggling]
All right, you two. [grunts]
What is the meaning of this?!
"What is the meaning of this?!"
[both laugh]
[plays slide whistle]
We're slide whistling!
Don't ya mean,
"Playing the slide whistle"?
Squidward,
slide whistling is more
than just simply tooting
on an instrument.
It's a way of life.
Lets show him, Patrick!
[plays slide whistle]
Hey! Get outta here... Huh?!
[giggling]
All right, you two morons,
show yourselves.
[plays slide whistle]
Do you see, Squidward?
Slide whistling can add
a little zest to the humdrum
of everyday life.
I don't need zest.
I need you outta my lamp shade!
-Huh?
-[plays slide whistle]
Get outta there!
[plays slide whistle]
[groans]
-[plays slide whistle]
-Just get outta there!
[plays slide whistle]
[spluttering, squelching]
OK, that's enough.
You've had your fun.
True, Squidward, true.
We have had our fun.
But you know
what's twice as much fun?
Twice as many slide whistles!
-After you, my good man.
-Thanks, buddy!
[both play slide whistles]
-Not the windows again!
-[slide whistles playing]
Gotcha! They're gone! [sighs]
Now if they would just
stay outta my house,
I might be able to enjoy
a little "squid time."
[kettle whistles]
[slide whistle plays]
Huh?
[both giggle]
-[slide whistle plays]
-[slurps]
-[slide whistle plays]
-[slurps]
-[slide whistle plays]
-[slurps]
[plays slide whistle]
[both giggle]
[slide whistle plays]
-[both giggle]
-[slide whistle plays]
[both giggle]
-[slide whistle plays]
-[both giggle]
[slide whistle plays]
[both giggle]
[slide whistle plays
as pages turn]
[slide whistle plays]
-[bangs table]
-I gotta get outta here!
[both giggle]
[banging]
Look, Patrick, Squidward's
finally playing along.
[both play slide whistles]
Go away!
Can't you idiots take a hint?!
[both play slide whistles]
[both play slide whistles]
[both play slide whistles]
[splashing]
[both play slide whistles]
[splashing]
[both play slide whistles]
[banging]
[pants heavily]
I think I lost 'em. [pants]
[both play slide whistles]
[gasps, sizzles]
How would you like it
if someone did this to you?!
[plays slide whistle]
-All right!
-[groans]
[plays slide whistle]
[continues to play
slide whistle]
[pants]
Wow, Squidward. You have got
quite an ear for music.
Don't you... I do?
Yes, my friend.
You have got the goods!
Well, heh, that is true.
Play more, maestro!
Me 'n' Patrick wanna dance
to your sweet tunes!
[chuckles] Well, if you insist.
[both] Oh, we insist!
OK!
[all play slide whistle]
[plays slide whistle]
-Hello?
-[slide whistle plays]
That's unusual.
[slide whistle plays
as pages turn]
What is this?
[plays slide whistle]
Who's there?!
[sniggers]
Who's back here?!
[plays slide whistle, giggles]
All right, this isn't funny!
Come on, jerk!
Think you can mess with me?!
-[plays slide whistle]
-[all snigger]
[all play slide whistle]
Watch this!
[plays slide whistle]
[babbles like a baby]
-[chuckles]
-[gasps]
Someone, help! Baby assaulter!
[plays slide whistle]
-[all yell angrily]
-as*ault your own baby.
-[all yell angrily]
-Hey, get back here!
[chuckles] If you say so.
[plays slide whistle]
[all yell angrily]
Patrick, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
[popping]
Probably not.
[glass shatters]
Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.
I promise
it'll never happen again.
[plays wolf whistle tune]
Can I help y...
Liar!
She's not lying.
She speaks the truth.
Someone wicked has
disturbed our city, Frank.
But... who would do
such a thing?
Squidward! Squidward Tentacles.
He lives on Conch Drive.
-What?!
-Yes!
We must capture him!
He must pay for his wrongdoings!
He's gonna pay!
He's gonna pay with interest!
[plays slide whistle]
Come on! Let's get him!
[all yell angrily]
Patrick, do you think Squidward
is taking this all too far?
He's only a block away.
[all yell angrily]
-What do you make of it, Sarge?
-A full scale riot!
I'm calling back-up.
Get me the K- unit.
[all yell angrily]
[plays slide whistle]
[laughs]
[sirens blare, angry yelling]
[barking]
Would you like some more?
[plays slide whistle]
[snarling, growling]
Wait. Wait, you stupid worms.
[yells]
I was supposed to retire
this week!
[plays slide whistle]
Let's give 'em a grand finale
they'll never forget!
[plays slide whistle]
[giggles, plays slide whistle]
[grunts]
[plays slide whistle]
[spits] Huh? What is that?
[sniggers, plays slide whistle]
[skidding]
I can't work
under these conditions.
Now you're in the driver's seat,
Squiddy!
[plays slide whistle]
[skidding]
This is great!
[plays slide whistle]
[all yell]
[laughs]
Well, Plankton finally got
what he deserved.
-Whoa! Stop!
-[crashing]
[cries]
Ha! I've never felt so alive!
[laughs]
[horn honking]
I don't wanna stop!
Uh, Squidward? Are you sure
you don't wanna stop?
What are you talking about,
nitwit?
Up ahead!
What "up ahead"?!
[plays slide whistle]
[horn honking]
[crashing]
[all cheer]
[both play Chopin's
Funeral March]
Dr. Forrest, dial , please.
Dr. Forrest.
Your friend is very lucky.
If it wasn't for
that slide whistle
getting lodged in his throat,
the rescue team
might have never found him!
His yelling, or whistling,
I should say,
under all that rubble,
saved his life.
Doctor, why did you leave
the whistle in his throat?
Unfortunately we don't have
the technology to remove it yet.
But on the bright side, he can
still communicate with it!
[whistles violently]
Wow, Squidward, listen to you!
You're getting better already!
Here, we'll help!
[both play slide whistle]
[whistles angrily]
[grunts]
[all laugh]
[both play slide whistles]
[all laugh]
[both play slide whistles]
[all laugh]
[slide whistle plays]
06x05 - The Splinter/Slide Whistle Stooges
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.