Oh!
Pardon me, young lady.
What a fox.
( sinister laughter )
Ooh!
( laughing )
You're all mine,
you sweet Krabby Patty.
( chuckling ):
Ooh, whoo!
( sinister laughter )
( alarm blaring )
Initiating launch sequence.
Krabby Patty, here I come!
Eh, I hope I don't miss again.
( squirts )
Reunited, and it's going
to feel so good!
( laughing )
( engine racing )
( yells )
Oh, ho, ho, sweet wampum.
( ricocheting clanks )
Huh?! What's that?!
Squidward, where are you?!
Shield me with your forehead!
So... it was just another failed
Krabby Patty theft attempt by my
arch-competitor, Plankton.
( deep laughter )
For a second there,
I mistook you for a threat
but you're just
a dirty, little man.
So long, shrimp!
( crash )
Curse you, Mr. Krabs!
( clunk )
Ouch!
( yawns )
So, typical day of failure,
l see, huh, darling?
Oh, can it, computer wife.
Can't you see I'm exhausted?
Why don't you go
make yourself useful
and synthesize me up some grub?
Yes, Your Majesty.
What do we got here?
Oh, goodie!
Holographic meatloaf again.
When am I going to get
some real food?
Mr. Krabs gets to eat real food.
Just look at his daughter.
She's as big as a whale.
I wish I could be successful
like Mr. Krabs.
l wish I could somehow
just switch lives with him,
just to know what it's like.
( gulping )
Then why don't you just use
that Switch-Lives-Just-to-Know-
What-It's-Like-O-Macrofier thing
you built last Tuesday?
( spitting )
What a brilliant idea!
Your parents
must have been, like
part computer or something.
Ah...
( electronic humming )
Now, let's see here.
No.
No.
No.
Aha!
Well, I hate to
leave you, Karen,
but you know what they say:
"A rolling stone gathers
no algae."
( screaming )
( slurping )
Ah!
( screaming continues )
( groaning )
Oh, dear Neptune above!
What happened last night?
Huh?
What's this?
"Mr. Plankton"?
Who the davey...?
( crunching, murmuring )
Huh? I'm in the Krusty Krab.
And that means the life switcher
was a success!
The Krusty Krab is mine!
Corporate casual.
SPONGEBOB:
Order up!
Two deluxe Krabby Patties.
( sizzling )
( pop )
At last!
( humming )
There you are, sir.
Two deluxe...
Ahoy, there,
Mr. Plankton.
Er, uh, hey, there,
uh, SpongeBob.
Uh, SpongeBob...
Yes, sir?
I'm going to need
to take one of these patties
back to my office
for, uh... bun inspection.
I'm afraid you can't do that,
Mr. Plankton.
But why not?
Because that patty is
for the customer, sir.
The customer?
I'll boil the customer
in hot oil
and I'll rip out his...!
I mean, yes, of course,
for the lovely customer.
But you can
take these
patties, sir.
I made them on the off chance
you decided to instigate
some bun inspection
today, Mr. Plankton, sir.
Uh, yes.
Uh, very nice.
Um, thanks.
( fast pattering feet )
( slams )
All mine!
It's finally all mine!
The patties...
the wealth...
the notoriety...
the... SpongeBob?
What do you want?
Well, it's just that
it's Tuesday again, sir,
and I was wondering
if I could have my...
uh... my, uh...
weekly performance review.
Review?
Oh, yes, please, sir, please!
But I've never reviewed
anything...
except for those foreign
exercise videos
my cousin sent me.
Oh, please, sir!
I want to make you
so happy and proud!
Ah, you're doing fine.
Now leave me to my work.
Mmm...
But sir...
I thought I sent
you away, cretin!
But sir, there's got to be
something I need to improve on.
Anything!
All right, the sauce.
( gasps )
Wh... what?
The sauce, I don't know.
You're using
too much sauce, okay?
Review's over.
( stammering )
What?
( stammering )
What's the matter with you?
All I said was
a little too much sauce.
It's no big deal, really.
( whimpering )
What do you want from me,
a promotion?
A pro... a promot...
a promotion?!
Uh, sure, kid, you're, uh...
you're on register now.
( gasps )
Register?
Glad that's over.
( kissing )
SpongeBob, do you remember
that little talk we had
about personal space?
It's okay, Squidward,
l'm official. Look!
Co-cashier?!
So, have you two
known each other long?
( loud clang ) Huh?!
You can't do this to me,
Mr. Plankton!
If you think I'm going
to stand out there all day
listening to...
( jabbering )
...then you must have coral
wedged in your frontal lobe!
So what do you want me to do
about it?
l'd like my view
to be a little less yellow,
if you know what I mean.
( sizzling )
Hope you like gray.
Hey, Squidward, I can see you
through this little window.
( grunts )
Now, no more intrusions.
l'd like to begin writing
the memoirs of my success story.
So everyone just stay the...
( pounding ):
Daddy!
Daddy! Daddy, Daddy,
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
( groaning )
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Just tell Daddy what you want!
Daddy!
He's very busy!
Could I please have a, um...
an advance on my allowance?
If it'll get you
out of my antennae.
( cash register bell dings )
Go crazy.
One dollar?!
You hate me!
( crying )
( gasping )
( bombs dropping )
( yelling )
Ow!
You!
Me?
You think this is funny?
In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Well, Mr. Funny Man,
is this how you get
your sick kicks?!
What? It's just
an ordinary Krabby...
Oh, my goodness!
( flies buzzing )
Squidward!
SPONGEBOB:
I tried,
Mr. Plankton.
I really did.
Oh, what now?
A customer ordered
a medium soda,
and I gave him a large.
I gave him a large!
I've soiled
the good Krusty Krab name!
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Soiled it!
l command you to stop that.
Stop that, and return
to your post!
Soiled it!
Soiled it...!
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Where's the off button
on this thing?
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Okay, Daddy.
l've decided
I'm going to run away.
Soiled it! Soiled it!
Run away and find
a new daddy!
Soiled it!
Soiled it!
Make it stop!
( alarm blaring )
What, did I say the secret word?
No, sir.
He's back.
Who's back? What?
( whoosh )
What was that?!
Man your stations!
Red alert! Red alert!
Take cover!
( all yelling )
Take cover from what?!
He's around here somewhere.
There he goes!
What? Who? Where?
Somebody tell me!
Some say he crawled out
from the lowest trench
in the ocean.
He's the saltiest
of all of the sea dogs.
He's the most hated creature
in Bikini Bottom.
And he's finally got
a Krabby Patty!
( sinister laughter )
Krabs?! What the barnacle
is going on here?!
It's your arch-competitor...
Krabs!
His goal in life
is to steal a Krabby Patty
and ruin our restaurant.
That's terrible!
Yeah! But the worst part
of it is...
( pounding )
Good grief, he's naked!
( sinister laughter )
Clothe me if you can,
silly landlubbers!
( laughing )
l'm going to make you
eat those words, Krabs!
( laughter )
No shirt, no shoes...
no service!
( machine-g*n firing )
( pinging )
( laughing )
Huh?!
Ah, you got me!
Well, at least it's underwire.
Here's your stinking patty!
I don't understand.
Is there a gas leak in here?
Knick-knack, the patty's back.
You did it, Mr. Plankton.
Victory screech!
( howling )
( all howling )
Enjoy your victory screech,
Plankton,
because someday the Krabby Patty
formula will be mine!
You'll never get this formula,
you twisted fiend!
Oh, but I will!
Even if I have
to come back tomorrow
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day...
Phone call,
Mr. Plankton.
And the next day,
and the next day
and the next day
and the next day...
( screams )
( groans )
It's not worth it!
It's just not worth it!
Good-bye, everyone.
I'll remember you all
in therapy.
( buzzing )
( moans )
Holographic meatloaf...
my favorite!
( electronic humming )
( gulping )
( gulping and humming continue )
NARRATOR:
Ah! Goo Lagoon...
where the sun is hot
and the sunbathers
are oh, so cool.
What a beautiful day.
You said it, pal.
Can you believe that sun?
I could look at it all day.
Uh, Patrick?
What?
Nothing.
So, how's that tan coming?
I don't know.
Let me check.
Looking good.
How's yours?
Just a minute.
( yells )
l could have sworn
I was laying on my back.
( braying laughter )
( crowd yelling )
( all cheering )
( chanting ):
Larry! Larry!
( chanting ):
Larry! Larry!
Hey, it's Larry, the lifeguard.
Mr. Lifeguard,
can I feel
your muscle?
Sure. Don't scratch
the paint.
Lifeguard, how's the tubage?
Gnarly, dudes.
All right, yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Lifeguard, can
you point out
the snack bar?
Right over there.
But you guys are way too old
and unsightly for my beach.
And I'm afraid I'm going
to have to ask you to leave.
So polite.
Just like we raised him.
What a guy.
Is it any wonder
he's so popular?
Just imagine
if I were a lifeguard.
( dramatic music plays )
That would be so cool.
Oh, what do you want
to be a lifeguard for?
Nobody really likes those guys.
♪ For he's a jolly,
good fellow... ♪
Being a lifeguard is so dumb.
All they do is blow, blow,
blow on their stupid whistles,
rub, rub, rub that white stuff
on their noses
and show off their gross,
misshapen bodies!
Dude, put that thing away.
There are, like, children here.
( squishing )
I'm going to the snack bar.
Who needs to be a lifeguard?
I'm cool.
I'm every bit as cool as Larry.
And if I'm not,
let me be struck by...
( thunder crashes )
a flying ice cream truck...
( ice cream truck music plays )
...and live!
Please do not land
flying ice cream trucks
on the bathers.
Oh...
SpongeBob, you okay?
Hey!
l didn't know
you were a lifeguard.
Lifeguard?
The nose.
( gasps )
White stuff.
You think I'm a lifeguard?
Sure, there's no hiding
the lifeguard look, SpongeBob,
and you've got it.
You really think so?
You bet, I do.
Say, we're a little
shorthanded around here.
How would you like
to work the beach?
( high-pitched voice ):
I'd love it!
All right.
Leave that on the bench, Kahuna.
Hey, Annette, come here.
I want you to meet
my buddy, SpongeBob.
Hi.
( sputters )
Hey, guy's a lifeguard.
( whistles )
( crowd cheers )
It works.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Whoo-hoo!
That was the greatest, Larry.
Yeah.
Say, how'd you like to take
the second shift?
By myself?
Only if you think you're ready.
I'm not just ready.
I'm Ready Freddie.
It's Larry.
Well, I guess I'll just...
Help! Help!
Help!
Help! help!
We've got a sinker.
SpongeBob, let me take this.
I haven't seen
any action all day.
Action?
( grunting )
( yells )
( panting )
Please help! Please help!
( groaning )
( gasping )
( cheering )
Breathe, darn you!
( grunting )
( coughing )
That's the last time
I read and swim.
You saved my life.
Don't mention it.
It's all part of the job.
You know, SpongeBob, the babes
and the big chair are great,
but the best part is knowing
you're the only thing
that stands between
these good people...
Go, go, go, go, go...
...and a watery grave.
And that's what it's all about.
Their lives are
in your hands now,
'cause I got a date
with a tanning booth.
See you.
( tires screech )
But I...
can't swim.
Oh, if I'd known
being a lifeguard meant
guarding their lives,
I would never have said yes.
Maybe nothing will go wrong.
Then when Larry comes back,
l'll tell him
I'm not interested.
Besides, what's the worst
that could happen?
( bell tolls )
( screams )
( frantic yelling )
Emergency!
Everybody out of the water.
Hurry! Emergency!
Out of the water.
Emergency!
What's going on, lifeguard?
What's the big emergency, sir?
Uh... there are
sharks in there!
Hey, that's my family
you're talking about.
A... sea monster!
( stomping )
You know, we sea monsters
have made great strides
in the fields of science
and literature.
Uh... somebody went?
It's a big lagoon, dude.
Disgusting!
No, don't go!
( laughter )
( yells )
( shrieks )
( screams )
( laughs )
( groans )
( laughs )
( groans )
( laughs )
( groans )
( screams )
Free ice cream!
( cheering )
Plenty for everybody.
One for you, one for you...
Okay, everybody got one?
Mmm, yeah!
Mmm...
( slurping )
Aha, now I got you.
Now, you all have to wait
one hour before you go swimming.
( murmuring )
But just so you're not tempted.
( anxious laughter )
( crowd murmuring )
Ladies and gentlemen,
the lagoon is closed.
We like Larry better.
Does Larry ever give you
free ice cream?
Ice cream!
Did somebody say, "ice cream"?
Where is it?
Is it here?
Huh?
Ice cream! Yay!
( laughs )
Cramp!
( groaning )
Oh!
( gurgling scream )
Holy cow!
Somebody's drowning!
Oh, no, that's not possible.
The lagoon is closed.
Dude, get your butt
in the water.
If there was anyone in there,
we'd hear them.
PATRICK:
Help, help!
( spluttering ):
I can't swim!
Somebody would be screaming
that they're drowning...
I'm drowning!
I'm drowning!
( spluttering )
They would have to have
crossed the line.
I'm drowning
'cause I crossed the line.
SPONGEBOB:
Okay, I'll take a look...
but just to prove to you that...
Patrick isn't drowning!
Can't swim!
Butt hurts.
Ice cream.
Hold on, Patrick.
I'm coming!
Help, help!
Don't move.
Catch this.
( grunting )
Quit fooling around, man.
Get in the water.
Help, help!
Oh, what am I going to do?
Got to think.
Got to think. Got to think.
Got to run around and think.
Got to run around
and think at the same time.
Got to think,
got to have a plan.
Got to think, think, think.
l've got it!
Patrick can't drown
if there isn't any water.
( gurgling ):
Well, you're safe now, Patrick.
PATRICK:
Help, I'm drowning,
I've got butt cramps!
l want ice cream
and now it's dark!
( sobbing and gurgling )
Help, help!
Help me, I'm drowning.
( gurgling ):
Help.
To us.
Oh!
Sorry.
Here's your hot dog.
Okay, Patrick, here I come.
( screaming )
Come, come 'round,
Pat. Here I am.
Pat, Pat, no, no. Hold...
hold it, Pat, Pat, stop.
No, Pat, stop.
Stop, stop!
Oh. Sorry.
( gurgling )
Help! Help! Help!
( nervous mumbling )
Save me! Can't swim!
( grunts )
Patrick, don't.
( grunts )
Help!
( clunk )
Help, help...
BOTH:
Help!
Help us! We're drowning!
( whistling and murmuring )
I wonder what's showing
at the movie theater
right about now
down at the beach.
Good-bye, Patrick.
Good-bye, ice cream.
Help, can't swim!
Help, can't swim!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
SpongeBob?
Yes, Larry?
You're not a lifeguard, are you?
No, Larry.
Let's go, guys.
( SpongeBob and
Patrick panting )
Very good.
You fellows are learning fast.
( panting )
Ow!
Butt cramps!
Butt cramps!
And I still don't
have my ice cream.
03x01 - The Algae's Always Greener/SpongeGuard on Duty
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.
A square yellow sponge named SpongeBob SquarePants lives in a pineapple with his pet snail, Gary, in the city of Bikini Bottom on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.