03x22 - Swing Time

[bunniefuu]

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm doing research for a
magazine article. It's about Finland.

Look at this. Isn't
that gorgeous?

Oh, yeah. I'm a huge Finn fan.

Especially those fine
feminine Finns in that hot tub.

Hot tubs are really
popular there.

But when they get out,

they b*at themselves gently
with leafy birch branches.

Well, we've got that
whirlpool upstairs.

Next time you get out, I can
snap you with a wet towel.

But this is a little
more romantic.

See? They're outside
under the stars.

Can you imagine you
and me in a hot tub,

staring up at the
moon? It'd be great.

Especially with a couple
of those Finnish girls,

Yorgie and Pecka.

Nice hit. Guys, over here.

I think I figured out what to
get Mom for Mother's Day.

She told you? No, she
dropped a few hints, though.

So what does she want?

She wants to go to Finland.

They got this real big
deal with midnight hot tubs.

When they get out, they
get spanked by trees.

Cool! Let's all go!

So we're gonna
send Mom to Finland?

No, no, no. We can
bring Finland to Mom.

I say we put in a
hot tub. Yeah! Cool!

We'll put it right over here,
get rid of the swing set.

You guys don't use
this anymore, do you?

Yeah, we do. Last
week we tied Mark to it.

What do you think? Could
we put the kids in the middle?

Welcome to Tool Time. I am
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

You all know my
assistant, Al Borland.

There's a lot of stereotypes

about construction
workers today.

But the times, they
are a-changing.

(imitates harmonica)

And today, to talk about
some of these changes,

one of our friends from K
& B Construction Company

in Bay City, Michigan. Let's
give a big Tool Time welcome

for Pete Bilker!

(whooping and cheering)

Pete, it's good to
have you with us again.

And it's great to
be here, Timmy!

Pete. Hey, Al.

Nice to see you. All right.

Pete, have a seat, will you?

Pete, do you
consider yourself a...

oh, I don't know, a
construction worker of the ' s?

Well, Tim, nowadays when a
hot rivet drops down in my shirt,

I'm not ashamed to cry.

Something you should
remember, Al, next time

I drop a hot rivet
down your shirt, huh?

The most common stereotypes
about construction workers

is their hootin' and hollerin' at
every pretty woman that passes by.

That's pretty much a thing of
the past, Tim, especially at K & B.

Our new foreman, Les,
doesn't go for that kind of stuff.

Maybe one of these days we should
get Les down here to talk about it.

Actually, Tim, since we are discussing
changing attitudes on the job site,

I brought my new foreman with
me. Would you like to meet Les?

Yeah! Let's bring him down here.

(laughs) You're the
foreman? Uh-huh.

You're a woman. (guffaws)

Can't put anything past you.

Please, sit down. Take a seat.

Well! A woman foreman.

It must be kinda hard gettin' the guys
at the construction site to listen to you.

Why would it be hard?

(nervous laugh)

Some guys have trouble
taking orders from women.

Not me, 'cause I take orders
from my wife all the time.

Huh. Well, it hasn't
been a problem. I mean,

I've been working
with the guys for a while

now and they realize
I know what I'm doing.

Tim, I must tell you that Les is
probably the best overall worker we have.

The best-looking
worker in overalls, too.

Nope, that would
be Pete. Aw, heck!

Anyway, Timmy, there's no
one more qualified than Les,

and no one knows more
about tools than Les.

No one?

You heard him, Tim.

Oh, yeah? Then why does
everybody call me "The Tool Man"?

Because it's your show
and you made up the name?

I like her.

I'd be willing to stake my
tool reputation against anyone.

Well, how about me?

Les. Leslie. I wouldn't
want to embarrass you.

Anybody who challenges me,
it always ends up the same way.

You lose?

I love her!

All right. Got electric in,

you guys got the holes filled
in, we're ready for the hot tub.

Where is it? Al's
supposed to be delivering it.

Well, shouldn't you help
him? That thing's pretty heavy.

He's got his mom with him.

Dad, here comes Mom! No, no, no!

Hey, guys, it's really late.

What are you doing out here?

We all have problems. We're
waitin' for Wilson to wake up.

Come on, boys. It's
midnight. Go on to bed.

Thanks, guys. Wash your hands,
OK? Wash up. Brush your teeth.

Good night, sweetie. Good night.

I'll bet I know what
you're doing out here.

Oh, do you?

Well, let's see.

You're out here in
the middle of the night,

carrying shovels,
covered in dirt.

I didn't want to tell you, but Wilson
wasn't feeling well so we buried him.

Could you possibly be
working on my Mother's Day gift?

Possibly. Ohhh...!

Thank you for listening to all
those hints I've been dropping.

I'm just gonna love my new
herb garden. Your what garden?

Well, I've always wanted to grow
my own basil. It's gonna be great.

It's a good thing I built you an herb
garden and didn't buy you a hot tub.

Well, yeah. What would
I need with a hot tub?

I've got a whirlpool upstairs.

That's where I'm gonna put
your herb garden, right here.

Where did you
move the swing set?

I gave it to Pete Bilker, one of
the guys from K & B Construction.

It's for his little boy.

Were the boys OK with that?

Yeah. They don't use it
anymore, except for tying Mark up.

Yeah, I know. It's just...

It looks so strange
out here without it.

I mean, you built that thing...
well, when Brad was a baby.

Now you can raise basil.

Remember how much fun they had
playing on it when they were really little?

How we marked their heights every
year, everyone's, on that wooden post?

I was always the tallest.

I will never forget

how hard it was for Randy
to learn to swing on his own

and how happy he was
when he finally got it.

Jill, are you upset that I
gave the swing set away?

No! No, no. I'll get
used to it. Herbs are fun.

You know, it's... gosh,
it's chilly out here.

I'm gonna go up to bed.
I'll see you later. Good night.

(door closes)

(maracas rattling)

Wilson, what are you doing?

Hi-ho, Tim. I'm just
testing my maracas.

Usually when I have mine tested, the
doctor makes me turn my head and cough.

No, no, Tim. These are hand-carved
maracas made from hollowed-out gourds.

I'm using them to practice the
national dance of Venezuela, the joropo.

At midnight?

Is it really that late?

Well, it just shows you - time flies
when you're dancing the joropo.

Could you keep it down?

Tim, have you got a problem?

I'm just mad at myself.

I thought I had the perfect
Mother's Day gift for Jill, but I don't.

Now I got a flatbed truck comin' over
with Al and his mom with a hot tub on it.

But the worst thing is, I
gave away the swing set,

and it looks like it
meant a lot to Jill.

I remember when you
built that swing set, Tim.

It was years ago.
You'd just moved in.

I'd never seen anyone attach an
outboard motor to a swing before.

That swing set was the first thing
I made for my boys. You know?

I picked out the
best redwood for that.

I had six coats
of sealer on there.

I worked night and
day on that thing.

Sounds like it meant an
awful lot to you too, Tim.

Yeah. I remember
the day Brad was born.

I had the swing set all set up so
he could use it when he got home.

Babies - who knew
they couldn't sit up?

Psst! Tim!

Is the coast clear?

Mother and I have the
hot tub off the flatbed.

The hot tub is out.

Tell your mom to
hoist it back up there.

Oh, man!

Dad, how come you're trying
to get the swing set back?

Because that's what your
mom wants for Mother's Day.

I thought she wanted
an herb garden.

I thought she wanted a hot tub.

I thought she wanted
to go to Finland.

I thought she wanted me
to snap her with a wet towel.

I'll save that for her birthday.

(doorbell rings)

Hey, Dad, isn't
Pete gonna be upset

when you ask him
for the swing set back?

He'll understand. He's an adult.

Hey, Pete! Come on in.
Hey, Timmy. How are you?

I'd like you to
meet Little Pete.

Hi, Little Pete.
How you doin'? Hi.

I brought him with me today because
he has something he wants to tell you.

Thank you for my
swing set, Mr. Tool Man.

Oh.

(nervous chuckle)

Uh... come on in, you guys.
You want a cookie or somethin'?

Thank you, Mr. Tool Man.

You're in luck. My
favorite - chocolate chip.

Help yourself. Put some
on the table over there.

Pete, can I talk to
you for a minute?

You bet, Tim. But before you do,

I wanna tell you,

that swing set has made
Little Pete real happy.

Well, looks like anything
would make him happy.

He's a happy-go-lucky kid.

No, Tim. He's neither
happy nor lucky.

You know, he's had a pretty
rough go of it this past year,

what with his mother
leaving and all.

I should've seen it comin' -

goin' to the grocery store with
nine pieces of luggage in the car.

These are great
cookies, Mr. Tool Man.

Can I take some for when
I'm playing on my swing set?

Little Pete, about
that swing set.

Yes, Mr. Tool Man?

How... How would you feel
if I took that old one back?

It has a lot of splinters in it -
and built you a brand-new one?

Now, Tim, that's
not really necessary.

Oh, yes, it is.

Is it gonna have a
teeter-totter? You bet.

Is it gonna have a sandbox?

Yeah. A huge sandbox!

Is it gonna have a tree house?

A what? A tree house?

Swing sets don't
have tree houses.

They have one at
the park. Why not?

We'll put a tree
house on it for you, too.

Thank you, Tim. You bet, buddy.

Mr. Tool Man, can you come
to my school for show and tell?

Welcome back to Tool Time. We have
a very special competition comin' up.

You've heard of the Rose
Bowl. Well, put away your flowers!

Plug in your tools, 'cause
we got... the Tool Bowl!

I will be serving as
moderator and impartial judge.

This will be simulcast on Al's favorite
station, the All-Flannel Channel.

As impartial as I am, remarks
like that could affect the judging.

All right, let's meet
the competition.

The reigning tool champion
of the universe: me.

And the challenger: the new foreman
for the K & B Construction Company.

Let's give a big Tool Time
welcome for Les Thompson.

(cheering and whooping)

How's it goin' today,
Les? Just great.

Listen, I'd like to invite you both to a
little party I'm having after the show

to celebrate my...
upcoming victory.

(snorts)

I'd be careful
saying stuff like that.

I might just nail it up on
the board for inspiration.

I've seen your show, Tim,
and if you want it to stay up,

maybe you'd
better have Al nail it.

(audience boos)

Did I mention just
how much I liked her?

All right. Let's get to it.

Les, since you
are the challenger,

you have the first
choice of categories.

I'll take "Epoxy Putties
and Liquid Metals."

(musical tone)

Excellent choice.

Heidi?

Thank you, Heidi.
You're welcome.

"To repair a hydraulic ram, what type
of epoxy putty would you use, and why?"

I'd go with titanium, since it resists
temperatures of ° Fahrenheit

and has a compression
strength of , PSI.

It also provides a
nonrusting, machinable finish,

and features excellent resistance
to a broad range of chemicals.

Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.

It was an easy
question, all right?

All right, Tim. Your
question. Heidi? Thank you.

"In a nonrusting aluminum epoxy, what
are the percentages of aluminum and epoxy?"

Easy. Everyone knows that.
% aluminum, % epoxy.

Actually, that's %
aluminum and % epoxy.

%, %. What's the difference?

One is right and one is wrong.

All right. Round one goes to...

(♪ fanfare) Les.

Yes! (applause)

By the way, what type of food are
you going to have at your victory party?

Buffalo wings and three
kinds of dipping sauces.

Buffalo wings? Ladies?
Ladies, could we...?

All right. Our next
category - "You Auto Know."

All right.

Les, your question is,

"You're building a ' Pontiac with a
-cubic-inch, four-cylinder engine

"and you want to
run roller tip rockers.

"Are the rockers
interchangeable with

the stock rockers on
a small-block Chevy?"

That's a really tough question.

(effeminately) Well, if it's too tough for
you, Ms. Buffalo Wings and three sauces...

I can take that one.

Luckily I know more
about cars than tools.

Really?

No, they're not interchangeable.

The rocker arm fulcrum-to-tip
distance is greater than a small-block's,

so it can't be used if you want to
maintain acceptable valve train geometry.

(bell pings)

(cheering)

I'll also be having a cappuccino
bar and assorted sorbets.

All right, Tim, this
is your question.

Let's forget the rest of the questions
and go right to the bonus round.

What bonus round?

Winner take all. Heidi,
the bonus board, please.

And what is that?

It's the Tool Bowl
Super Bonus Screw-off.

First person to screw those
screws in takes the whole thing.

I'm game. Great.

Heidi, my electric
screwdrivers, please.

Here you are. Pick your w*apon.

Ooh, nice grip. All right.

I'll just pick mine. Let's see.

No, no. I'll just take
this one down here.

All right.

Your electric screwdriver
has a gas engine?

Got a problem with that, fella?

OK, go.

(powerful motor sound)

I'm done! I won!

All right! The champion and
new tool world record holder!

Come on. You're gonna love this.

Honey, it is :
in the morning.

I was really kind of hoping that I
could sleep late on Mother's Day.

Well, I just finished your gift and
I couldn't wait to show it to you.

OK.

Oh, my gosh!

This is beautiful!

Wait a minute! You said you were
gonna make me an herb garden.

Look around. I had the boys
plant something special for you.

Basil!

Basil, basil... and more basil.

Well, I knew it was your favorite
because I read between the lines.

Tim, I told you
that I liked basil.

Which is how I'm able
to read between the lines.

Sit down. Oh. All right.

Wow! This is really comfortable.

Oh, honey, this is the
best Mother's Day ever.

And there's still
so much of it left.

Don't go to sleep.

What's this over here?

Those are Randy's initials.

Mm-hm.

And right back here
are their measurements.

You made this out
of the old swing set!

What a great idea!

But I thought that you said that
you gave it to Little Pete, Pete's son.

I took it back.

Hope you gave
him something else.

Don't worry about that kid.
By the time he's done with me,

I'll have an amusement
park built in his backyard.

I can't believe you did
this. You are so brilliant.

Well, I saw how upset you were
when I gave away the swing set.

I guess that seemed
kind of silly, huh? No.

I have a lot of memories
locked up in this too, you know.

Time goes by so fast. Yeah.

Here's something I don't
ever remember seeing before.

"Tim loves Jill."
When did you do that?

About : this morning.

Happy Mother's Day.

Here you go, Mom.

Basil omelet.
Happy Mother's Day.

That's so sweet of you,
honey. Looks delicious.

And Mom,

don't forget your basil
butter with your toast.

Basil butter. Well,
that's original.

If you think that's original,

wait till you taste your
fresh-squeezed basil juice.

We also made you coffee.

Is it green?

And for dessert,
fresh-baked basil cream pie.

I should've said
I like diamonds.

Looks like anything would make
him happy. Happy-go-lucky kid.

No, Pete, he's neither...

You're not Pete, are you? No.

I'm Pete. You'd be Pete.

You'd be Tim. I'd be Tim.

And has a compression
strength of , PSI

It also provides
a nonrustable...

machinable finish and...

I'm going to have to start over.

Psst! Hey, Tim!
Is the coast clear?

Mom and I have the hot
tub off the hot bed. (laughs)

(men) k*ll him! k*ll him!

One line! One!