04x08 - Lou's First Date

[bunniefuu]

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make it
all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
no need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Morning. Good morning.

Oh, mr. Grant,
here's your mail...

And your tickets to the
broadcasters man of the year dinner.

Oh, thank you, mary. Who's
the man of the year this time?

Lucille harris from channel 10.

Lucille harris. Man of the year.

Good choice.

Lou got two tickets
to the dinner?

Who's he going with? Gee, I don't
know. He must be taking somebody.

- Well, maybe he and edie
are getting back together.
- No. No, I don't think so.

- He told me the other day
they haven't spoken in weeks.
- Well, I guess he has a date.

I guess so. I wonder
who it could be.

Good morning, guys.
Good morning. Oh, ted?

Here are your tickets to the
broadcasters man of the year dinner.

Oh, thanks, mar. Who stole
the award from me this year?

Lucille harris.

Lucille harris, man of
the year? That's right, ted.

That sounds
strange. Yes, it does.

Wonder why his mother
called him lucille.

Say, you don't think he's...

Ted, lucille harris is a woman.

[Chuckling] oh, good.

I'd much rather have a woman be man
of the year than some guy named lucille.

So, by the way, marie said
the babysitter can come early,

So we'll be able to drop by
for drinks before the dinner.

Oh, good. Oh, hey, I didn't
even think to ask mr. Grant.

I'd better ask him. I wonder
who his date could be.

Come in.

Mr. Grant, I'm having
a few people over to

My place before the
dinner on friday night.

What dinner? Well, the
man of the year dinner.

Anyway, not a lot
of people, you know.

Just murray and his wife,
and ted and georgette.

So I thought that
maybe you and your...

What? Date.

- What date?
- Well, I just assumed that
you were taking somebody.

I mean, you ordered two tickets.

Oh, yeah. Mmm.
Force of habit, mary.

After you've been married 26 years,
you always tend to think in terms of twos.

I've got to stop that. Oh.

Look, I know this
may not be any of my

Business, but could I
say something personal?

No. Mr. Grant!

Why don't you take someone
to the dinner? I don't want to.

Why not? You already
paid for two dinners.

Okay then, I'll eat two dinners.

Mr. Grant. Better yet, I
don't think I'll go at all.

Mr. Grant, you know
you have to go, and you

Know you hate to go
to these things alone.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe... Maybe I should
take a date to that dinner.

Right. Mary, see if you can
get my wife on the phone.

Okay. Yes, I will, mr. Grant.

I would be delighted. Be a good chance
for you two to see each other again.

Go out, have a good
time, have a few laughs.

- Edie mckenzie, please.
- Mckenzie?

I ran into her the other day, and she said
she went back to using her maiden name.

[Grunts] thank you.
She's coming on the line.

Stay.

Hello. Edie?

This is mr. Mckenzie.

Yeah, I'm fine. How
'bout you? Mm-hmm.

Good. Good. Listen, edie.

You know that broadcasters man
of the year dinner they always have?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I got
an extra ticket. Yeah.

Uh, it's this friday.
You want to come?

Okay. I'll see you friday.

- Is she coming?
- Yeah, she's coming,
with somebody else.

Oh, mr. Grant.

It's gonna be kind of strange
seeing edie there with another man.

[Angry chuckle]

All right. If that's
the way she wants it.

Okay. There are plenty of
women in the world. Right!

And I bet a lot of them would be
happy to go with me to that dinner.

Oh, you bet they would. Sure.
She can get a date, I can get a date.

Of course you can.
Mary, get me a date.

Well, listen, if you think of
anyone, could you call me back?

[Knocking] come in.

Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Mar, you know how I hate
borrowing things from you,

But have you got a scarf
that goes with this jacket?

Yeah, I think so. I figured,
since this is your jacket.

Hey, you look great.
Where are you going?

I'm going to the sports arena.
I have a date with a left wing.

A left wing? He's
a hockey player.

I met him last time his
team was playing in town.

I had a seat right next
to the penalty box.

And you just started
talking to him? Sure, sure.

I said, "excuse me.
Is this your tooth?"

Oh, mary, that's
perfect. Thanks.

So, you want to come with me
tonight? I don't think so, rhoda.

I still haven't found
a date for mr. Grant.

I'm just hoping someone
will call me back.

I am so stupid, mar. I almost
forgot. I got somebody for you.

What? Yeah. Yeah. A woman
from my modern dance class.

Listen, she's a
warm, good person.

Very attractive, very
intelligent. Uh-huh.

Her husband died
about a year ago.

And I have a feeling that she and
lou would really like each other.

So here's her
number. Give her a call.

Mary, I love her,
really. She's wonderful.

Well, listen, don't you
think you ought to call her?

She doesn't like me.

Rhoda, if she doesn't like you,
how can I possibly call her...

Mary. Mary. Mary, I was
just kidding then. Oh.

Of course she likes me. A person
has to like me if I like them, right?

I'm a likable person. You like me. I
like you. Call her. She'll like you.

Thanks for the scarf
and the jacket. Okay.

You do like me, don't
you? Get out of here!

Hello. Uh, is mrs. Dudley there?

Well, how do you
do, mrs. Dudley?

My name is mary richards, and I'm
a friend of rhoda morgenstern's.

You know those horrible
phone calls you get...

When someone you
hardly know calls you up...

And asks you to go out with
somebody you don't even know at all?

Well, this is one of
those phone calls.

But listen, uh, let me tell you
about him, because he is really...

7:30, And it's the same
address as rhoda's.

See you then. Bye.

And, mr. Grant, she's really
looking forward to meeting you.

Good. Phone her
back and call it off.

- But, mr. Grant.
- I'm sorry, mary.

I've been thinking
about it. I just can't go

Through with it. Call
mrs. Dudley and cancel.

No, I won't. I don't want
to discuss it, mary, please?

[Sighs] let me handle this, mar.

Lou, let's talk man-to-man.

I think they're one short.

Lou, there are two kinds
of people in this world.

There are men and
there are women.

You with me so far,
big fella? I'm with ya.

Now, men have certain needs...

Basic, animal
needs, ugly needs...

That can only be satisfied by...

Women? Exactly.

Now, these needs are
nothing to be ashamed of, lou.

All men have these needs.
You have them. I have them.

Even president nixon has them.

Yes, really. He
really does, lou.

Now, it isn't natural for
these needs to go unsatisfied.

It isn't normal.
It isn't healthy.

So, what do you say, lou?

I say nixon should take
mrs. Dudley to that dinner.

I don't think I got
through to him, guys.

Mr. Grant, are you sure
you won't change your mind?

Yeah, come on, lou. It'll be fun,
all of us going out together.

You, me, mary, ted...

I never know when to stop.

I'm sorry. I can't explain it.

I don't know why, but I
just can't do it. I know why.

It's because you think
this woman will think

You're not an attractive
man, right, lou?

You're afraid she'll think you're a
short, bald, overweight, middle-aged man.

A lot of women like that, lou.

Mary, will you please
call mrs. Dudley?

I am not going out with some
woman I never met before.

What will we talk about?
Mr. Grant, she's an intelligent woman.

You can talk about anything.

Call her.

Oh, mr. Grant, I just can't
believe that you're concerned...

About making conversation.

What does anybody talk about
when they're on a date? Call her.

What do I talk about?
What does ted talk...

What does anybody
talk about? Call her!

What does edie talk
about when she's on a date?

Why'd you do that?
Wh... What do you mean?

Tell me, mary...

Do you really believe
that it bothers me...

That edie thinks I
can't get a date?

Do you really? No.

Well, you're wrong. Call mrs. Dudley
and tell her I'll see her at your place.

Right.

So, rhoda, what do you think?

Mary, what are you
doing? It's late. Get dressed.

- No, it's perfection, really.
- Thank you.

[Doorbell buzzes] hey,
do me one more favor.

Will you put the raw
vegetables out, and the dip? Sure.

Hello. Hello.

Mary richards? Yes.

- I'm martha dudley.
- You... You're martha dudley?

- Hello, mrs. Dudley.
- Oh, hello, rhoda dear.

Well, uh, won't...
Yes, do, uh, go ahead.

Come in, please, and sit
right down. Thank you.

Rhoda, could I speak to you in the
kitchen for just a minute, please?

Sure. Yeah, sure.

That's mrs. Dudley?
From your dance class?

Of course not. That's her
mother-in-law, her late husband's mother.

Yeah, they share an apartment.
What's she doing here anyway?

Rhoda, you gave me a phone number.
You told me to call mrs. Dudley.

Sure. Yeah, mrs. Ellen
dudley, not mrs. Martha dudley.

Mary, martha dudley's
got to be 80 years old.

I know that, rhoda!

But you told me
to call mrs. Dudley.

Wait a minute. Wait.

You... You mean she
and lou... [Chuckling]

She and lou!

[Giggling] I'm sorry.

- You think that's funny?
- No. No.

[Doorbell buzzes]

Just help yourself to some
hors d'oeuvres, mrs. Dudley.

Thank you, dear.
Oh, call me martha.

All right.

Mr. Grant. Hello, mary.

Mr. Grant, I'd like
you to meet your date!

Mrs. Dudley, this is lou grant.

Oh! I'm glad to meet you.

Glad... Glad to meet you.

You know, I don't usually
go out on blind dates. No?

Well, why... Why don't
you two sit down,

And I'll fix us a drink?

Uh, martha, what would you
like? A glass of sherry, please.

Some sherry. Mr. Grant,
can I get you a drink?

Oh, yes.

Well, why don't you
two just, uh... And I'll...

Oh, that's a lovely corsage.

Thank you.

I brought it for my... You.

Oh, how lovely! Thank you.

Oh, they're beautiful! Oh!

Would you pin 'em on for me?

You know, these old fingers
don't always do what I tell them to.

Hello there.

Oh, hello, rhoda dear. Oh,
what a beautiful corsage.

Lou brought it for me. Did he?

Ah, have some cheese puffs.
It's nice and hot. Thank you, dear.

- How about you, lou?
- No.

I'm gonna sit 'em right there.

You'll take one
later, if you want it.

So, martha, how's ellen? I
haven't seen her in class lately.

Well, she's just fine. Good.

Uh, excuse me. I want to
talk to mary for a minute.

You're excused, lou.

Hello, mary. Your
drink, mr. Grant.

Thank you, mary.
To a long life, mary.

Mr. Grant, I am just so sorry.

Please, there's no
need to apologize.

It's not your fault.

All I said to you
was, "get me a date."

I didn't specify
what kind of a date.

How were you to know that
I wanted somebody under 90?

Mr. Grant.

Won't you please let me explain?

You see, there are
two mrs. Dudleys.

Mary, there are
thousands of mrs. Dudleys.

Why this mrs. Dudley?

I can't take that little
old lady to dinner.

Mr. Grant, she's here. I mean,
you can't just send her home.

My wife is going
to be at that dinner.

I can't walk in there
with that... Mrs. Dudley.

- I'm just gonna
have to tell her.
- How?

I don't know, but she's
just gotta be told.

Mar, where's martha's drink? She's
startin' to choke on the cheese puffs.

It's all right, dear.
I'll take it to her.

He's not taking it well.

Here you are.
Oh, thank you, lou.

[Chuckles] you
know, mrs. Dudley...

Call me martha.

Yeah.

That's a very pretty
outfit you have on.

Oh, thank you, lou. I
got it just for tonight.

Ah.

Well, it's very becoming.

You... [Groans]

You know,

This... This dinner tonight
is very important to me.

Oh?

You see, this will
be the first time...

I have taken a woman out...

Since my wife and
I separated, and...

Oh, lou, I know
just how you feel.

It was two years after
my husband passed away...

Before I started dating again.

But believe me, lou, tonight is
gonna do you a world of good.

Excuse me.

You're excused, lou. Thanks.

Mary? I wonder if I could
have a word with you.

Surely.

Mary, I can't tell her.

Mr. Grant, why don't you
just go through with it?

I mean, it's just for one night.

She's a sweet, lovely lady.

You have absolutely nothing
to be embarrassed about.

Yeah, maybe you're
right. [Chuckles]

What's to be embarrassed
about? [Doorbell buzzes]

Hi, mary! Hiya, mary.

- Hiya, rhoda.
- Hi.

Hiya, lou. Say,
who's the old lady?

Martha dudley, I'd like you to meet
georgette franklin and ted baxter.

Oh, nice to meet you.

This is martha dudley, and she
is lou's date for the evening.

Nice to meet you too. Thank you.

Come on, lou. Who is she really?

That's who I'm
taking to the dinner.

Oh!

How nice to meet
you. Well, thank you.

Have you and mr. Grant
been going together long?

No. This is our first date.
We met through mary.

You know, mr. Baxter, you
look very familiar to me.

Uh, you've probably
seen me on television.

No, I don't watch
television. I have a fireplace.

Excuse me. You're excused.

[Mary] georgette, that's
a lovely dress. Is it new?

Pretty new. I bought
it this afternoon.

That's quite a date
you got there, lou.

You want to see if she's
got a granddaughter for me?

At least nobody can accuse
you of robbing the old cradle.

But... But on the other hand,
she's not bad, lou, really.

Actually she's kind of cute,
you know. Kind of grows on you.

Got nice legs.

Mr. Grant?

Martha has had such
an interesting life.

Did you know she was flower girl
at thomas alva edison's wedding?

[Doorbell buzzes]

Hi! Oh, hiya, mar.

Marie got the flu. Afraid
I had to come alone. Aww.

Hey, mary will get you a date.

Well, listen, now that murray's here,
why don't we all head for the dinner?

We don't want to be late. Certainly
don't want to miss that fruit cup.

Well, mary, aren't you forgetting
andy? You know, your date.

Ah! Andy!

Hi, murray. Andy! Great timing.

Hi, andy. We're just leaving.

Looks like a nice
party I almost went to.

Have fun, you guys.

Thank you, dear.

You know, these old legs don't
always do everything I tell them to.

Well, that completes the award
ceremonies, ladies and gentlemen.

And now, for your dancing
and listening pleasure,

Here's bobby roberts
and his orchestra.

Well, uh, that's
it. ♪♪ [Orchestra]

I guess we can all be getting
on our way. Big day tomorrow.

Mr. Grant, we can stay
a little while longer.

I mean, everything's
all right, isn't it?

I guess so.

Anyone for the
little girls' room?

I'll go with you, martha. Mary?

Sure.

I think I'll go down to
the lobby, get some cigars.

I'll go with you, andy. I always
like to take a walk after a dinner.

Until he's sure
the check's paid.

Say, lou, there's edie. Where?

Just getting up. Are
they headed this way?

No, they're leaving.

Oh, good. They gone yet?

Right... Now. Whew.

[Ted] edie! How nice to see you!

Hey, lou, look who I found!

They were about to go, and
i... I stopped them just in time.

Guess who, lou.
Hello, lou, murray.

Uh, nice seeing you, edie.

Lou grant, this is
mike montgomery.

He's a big one, isn't he, lou?

How tall would you
say you are, mike?

Say, ted, why don't you
and I go stretch our legs?

Well, all right, but we
still won't be as tall as mike.

Nice seeing you, edie, mike.

Boy, that edie's doing all
right for herself, isn't she?

- Well, how you been?
- Terrific. Terrific. You?

Fine. Ah.

Did you bring
somebody to the dinner?

Oh, yeah. Sure. She's
in the ladies' room.

Oh. There you are, mary.
Yeah. Edie, you know mary.

Mary, this is mike montgomery.

Hi. How do you do?
It's nice to see you.

You're looking just
lovely, mrs... Edie.

Thanks, mary. You
too. Hello. Hello.

Oh, edie, this is martha
dudley, a friend of mary's.

How do you do?

Well, nice seeing
you, edie. You too, mike.

Martha.

What did I just do?

Well, it was a tough spot.

Not that tough. Maybe not.

Martha, I wonder if you'd
come with me for a second.

Well, of course,
lou. Be glad to.

Uh, excuse us.

Edie, there's something I
didn't make clear before.

Martha... Mrs. Dudley...
Isn't just mary's friend.

She's my date.

So nice to meet
you, mrs. Dudley.

Thank you. Nice to meet you.

Um, did you know...

That martha was
the flower girl...

At thomas alva edison's wedding?

Really?

You wanna dance?

I'd love to, lou.

Excuse us.

Mr. Grant, I had no idea that you
were such a wonderful dancer.

Neither did i. Martha
taught me this step.

Come on, georgette.
No, ted, I don't want to.

He wants to dip.

- You want to change partners?
- Okay.

[Laughing]

He's a little silly tonight.

[Mews]