03x19 - Vegas Interruptus

[bunniefuu]

Look... science.

God, what a slow day.

Yeah, but maybe if
that guy with the Danish

leaves us a $ tip,
we can close up early.

Oh, here comes
the boss. Look busy.

Hey, Leon.

Oh, listen, I know it's slow,

but isn't there something
menial you could be doing?

Well, we're talking to you.

Hey.

Hey, look who's here.

Knocked off early.

Thought I'd do something
special for myself.

New thermos.

Ooh, plaid.

Snazzy.

I want to knock off early, too.

Can you cover for me?

No problem.

Hey, I got the afternoon off.

We'll do something together.

I know. We'll go
grocery shopping.

I'll go in and buy
the groceries,

and you sit outside
and play the radio.

Quality time.

See you later, Bonnie.

Excuse me.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Leon, Dan.
Dan, Leon.

Bye.

Roseanne, don't you think
it might be appropriate

to, say, uh, check with the boss

before simply taking off?

Well, it's dead in
here and everything.

Bonnie said she'd cover for me.

What's the problem?

The problem is that
you keep doing this.

You took yesterday morning
off, you didn't tell me.

Last Saturday,
Estelle covered for you,

Estelle tells me that.

I set the schedule
around here, Roseanne,

and you're ignoring it,

which makes me wonder if
you really want this job.

Of course I do.
The hours are great.

It's freezing out there.

But it'll be degrees
when we get to Vegas.

Oh, I can't wait.

Hey, check this out,

these really cool
sunglasses I bought.

Why do you need those?

You're never leaving the casino.

They're to cover my eyes
when I'm bluffing.

You can't bluff a slot machine.

I don't see why not.

You talk to the dice.

Slots don't pay. Let me
teach you to sh**t craps.

I don't like that.

You got to stand up
the whole time.

Best odds in the house.

Dan, the best odds in
Las Vegas in our favor

are at the buffet table.

That reminds me,
bring your big purse.

Anyways, I don't care
nothing about gambling.

Alls I want to do
is see Wayne Newton.

Ooh, yeah, the main Wayne.
The big fig.

Sir Isaac Wayne.

Remember we saw him in Chicago,

and he was singing Apple
Blossom Time just to me?

Thought he was singing to me.

Dream on.

Hey.

Hey. I don't want you guys living
on pizza the whole weekend,

so I bought you
this nice ravioli.

Thanks.

So, what time you guys
leaving tomorrow?

Soon as I get off work.

So that would be,
what, : ?

Yeah, I guess.

: ?

Becky, you trying
to get rid of us?

No. I want to make sure
I'm here to say goodbye

at, what,
quarter to : ?

I think that's about right.

You got to allow yourself
time to get to the airport.

Well, that's
a great idea, honey.

Ok.

So, Dan, I guess this
party we don't know about

starts, what,
: , : ?

Party? Why would
they have a party

the one weekend we're
going to be out of town?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ohh, Roseanne.

Thanks for bringing me
that suitcase, Crystal.

You shouldn't be hauling
that in your condition.

There's nothing in it, Dan.

Roseanne asked to borrow
it for your trip.

Here, sit down.

Goodness, Dan. I'm
pregnant, I'm not dying.

He's just wonderful
like that, Crystal.

When I was pregnant
with Darlene,

he was so nice, I held
her in for months.

Hi.

Hi. We're going to miss
you when we're gone.

I'll take good care
of him, Roseanne.

Why can't I stay
with Becky and Darlene?

I don't want you
to spend the weekend

locked up in a closet.

Roseanne,
here's $ . .

Put it in one of those machines

that has the million
dollar jackpot,

and if it wins a
million dollars, stop.

I'm up bucks,

and you said the slots
don't pay.

You know, I envy you two.

A weekend of luxury
in Las Vegas.

Well, we try to get away,

what, every , years?

You know, so we can
relate to each other

as a man and a woman.

Yeah, then after that, I'm
going to go sh**t craps.

That'll k*ll another
five minutes.

The fire extinguisher's
in the closet,

emergency numbers
are by the phone...

Dad...

That reminds me, I'll write
down the hotel number

just in case there's a problem.

Dad, we're not babies.

You don't have to
worry about us.

I'm not worried about you.

I'm worried about the house.

So, what time's the party start?

What are you talking about?

Girls, listen.

When I was your age, and my
parents went out of town,

I had a party.

I had a great party.

Legendary.

People wrote songs about it.

Did your parents
know you had it?

Course not.

Then we're not having a party.

I know.

Hey! Hi! Hi.
Is D.J. Ready?

D.J.,
aunt Jackie's here.

What time do you want
me here tonight?

Jackie's coming
over? Why?

It's still a big secret.

Ohh, that's cute.

We're not having a party.

Why won't you believe us?

Dan, I got a great idea.

Since I'm coming over
to hang with the girls,

how about I wear my
old cop uniform?

Sure.

It's not like they're
having a party or anything.

Ok, ok, we're having
a party. God!

Ok, right to the rules.

No booze, no pot,
no sex below the neck,

everybody out by midnight.

: .

: ,
and no rap music.

Why not?

I don't like it.

God, why don't we just
bob for apples?

Yeah, then we can take turns

reading from the Bible.

D.J., let's go!

Thanks for taking him
over to Crystal's.

You'd better get going.

You got a / hour
drive to Chicago.

Roseanne's still at the mall.

Bye, Dad.

Ok, buddy.
Have a good time,

and remember
what we talked about.

Yeah, yeah. Don't
make Crystal cry.

Attaboy.

I got to get out of here.

Wait, Roseanne,
here's $ . .

Take it to the roulette table

and put it on number .

Just let it ride until I lose.

What's the point?

I love the action.

Ok, see you later.

Bye.

See you tomorrow, Roseanne.

Tuesday.

Tuesday? No, we're in the
middle of a weekend sale,

and I have you on the schedule.

I told you about this weeks ago.

No, ma'am. I wasn't
here weeks ago.

Well... I told
some guy in a suit.

That suit doesn't
work here anymore,

and he didn't take care of it.

No, you're working tomorrow.

I'm going to Vegas.

How am I going to replace
you on no notice?

I have had this trip
planned for months.

I got non-refundable
plane tickets.

Ohh! Oh, well that falls
into the category of

♪ not my problem ♪

Give me a break.

You give me a break!

You just come and go
here as you please.

You totally ignore me.

That's what this is about,
I'm not nice enough?

I'm running a business,

and I need a waitress tomorrow,

so let's just say either you're
here to work your shift,

or don't come back at all.

If we don't go, we're out $ .

So you think I should go.

We've been saving
for this trip forever.

I know that.

If we drive the speed limit,

we'll just miss the plane.

I've got to talk about
this some more.

Ok, talk.

I know you think it's
just some waitress job,

but I really like it,

and I like Bonnie,

and I like being
at the mall, too.

Leon's a piece of garbage,

but I quit that job, I
got to find another,

and what if that boss turns
out to be even worse?

Crazy world, isn't it?
Ok, let's go.

Boy, you really care about this.

I don't want to miss this trip.

You going to bellyache, or are we
going to have a wonderful time?

Oh, well, ok, we'll go and
have a wonderful time,

but you're going to regret it!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Party's down here.

I just wanted to
use the bathroom.

Well... Tough.

Uh...

Let me see that.

Carry on.

Hi.

Hi. How you doing?

Nice party.

Yeah, I'm enjoying myself.

You know, you have got
a beautiful smile.

I'm not smiling.

Well, why don't we work on that?

Ohh, god.

Hey, there we go.

Ohh.

I'm Eric.
I'm a senior.

Oh.

And you are?

I'm Jackie.
I'm a former senior.

Jackie. Jackie.

You know, that is
a beautiful name.

These parties make it real hard

for two people to get
to know each other well.

I got a car.

Why don't we go somewhere...

Listen, Eric, you're very cute,

but you and I together
would be... illegal,

so... I don't
think so.

Hey, ok. It's cool.

Yep. Oh, yeah.
Still got it.

I tried to get her out.

The old broad said no.

Yeah, thanks, anyway.

Hey, Becky.

Oh, hey, Brian.

Um... If I asked you
a question,

would you not tell Darlene
that I asked you?

Yeah.

Well... you know how... what
happened with us, right?

You made out on the couch

and then you groped her.

Yeah, she made me.

Yeah, so?

Well, I asked her out,
you know, exclusively,

and... She said no.

I don't get it.

Well, Darlene's just sort
of discovering boys, Brian.

In fact, till she met you,

she thought she was one.

So I should be
her boyfriend, right?

Becky, there you are.

I was looking for you.

Brian, can you excuse us?

Where you been, Beck?

Around.

Around where?

Outside.

With Mark?

I was going to tell you,
but I couldn't find you.

Ohh, ok.

You won't tell Mom
and Dad, will you?

No.

Oh, you're so cool.

Not really. Your folks
figured he'd show up.

They said it was ok
as long as I was here.

You're kidding.
He just drove away.

Oh! I was going to tell you,
but I couldn't find you.

Becky.

Hey, Darlene.

Barry's here.

No way.

He's such a scuzz.

If he came to drool over you,

I swear I'll k*ll him.

Hi, Darlene.

Hi, Barry.

Could I talk to you?

I don't think this
is a good idea.

Darlene liked you,
and you asked me out.

She's real vulnerable,

and she shouldn't have
to go through this again.

Shut up, Becky.

What did you want to
talk about, Barry?

Look, I never really
did apologize for...

What for?

You liked Becky more
than you liked me,

so you asked
her out... right?

Well, it wasn't that I
liked Becky exactly.

It's just that she's popular,

and I figured I had
a chance with her,

so it's kind of like, you
know, go for the gold.

Becky's gold?

So what am I?

Darlene...

Well, come on, Barry,
pick a mineral.

You're funny, Darlene.

Yeah, I'm a regular riot.

No, that's what's
great about you.

I mean... That's
why I like you.

You like me?

Hey, you leave her alone!

Who are you?

Her boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Oh, we had a thing.
It's over.

It was fine
until you came along.

Hey, don't push me.

You mean like this?

No, like this!

Jeez, Darlene, who is this guy?

Hey, there's a fight!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Let me through!
Let me through!

Hey! Come on,
you guys!

You guys! Come on!

What's going on here?

I was talking
to Darlene and he...

I am her boyfriend.

That's not what she says.

Any more trouble out of
you, you're out of here.

They were fighting over you?

Yeah.

That's it, show's over.

Nothing more
to see. Come on.

And as for you, Darlene...

Excellent.

This is your captain speaking.

I'd like to apologize
for the delay,

but the snow's coming
down pretty hard

and we're awaiting
tower clearance,

which, hopefully, we'll be
getting any minute now.

So, in the meantime,

why don't you sit back,
relax, and wait.

.

.

. 's the point,

and... Eighter
from Decatur.

Get this plane to Vegas.

These peanuts are no good.

I didn't grow them, dear.

And the seats
are too small, too.

I didn't build the plane, dear.

It's never going to
stop snowing, is it?

My fault.

Stop acting like
everything I'm saying

is your fault.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

I've been blaming
you the whole time,

and it stopped being
fun an hour ago.

Well, if it will make
you feel any better,

I'm up $ , .

If we were in Vegas,
I could quit my job, too.

I really liked that job, Dan.

I know it wasn't
a career or nothing,

but I was happy, and
I hate losing it.

I know. I'm sorry
I pushed you.

I just thought you'd feel better

once you found yourself

on an overcrowded,
uncomfortable little plane

that won't go anywhere.

Maybe you won't have
to lose that job.

Once we get back, you
can talk to the guy.

Take a shot.

That would be like groveling.

You want me to talk to him?

No, I think I'd better
fight my own battles.

We're going to go
see Wayne Newton.

I bet we get some
lousy seats, too.

I'll make sure we get seats
right down in front.

Yeah? Close enough for me to
hit him with my underpants?

You will take them off
first, won't you, dear?

I ain't making no promises.

Ladies and gentlemen...

All right.
All right.

We just heard from the tower.

The snow's getting
real bad out there,

so they're trying to determine

whether we can take off at all.

We'll know in a moment.
Hang in there.

We're going to make it.

No way. Look at it
out there.

This plane ain't going nowhere.

Yeah? I got bucks
says it is.

I'll take of that.

Dan!

I'm on a roll.
You're on.

Hey, I'll take .

I'll take .

I'm going double, pal.

Outstanding.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Johnson.

I'd like to bet $
we're not going.

He's bluffing.

Iced tea, coffee.

I had the coffee.

I don't care.

All right, you know
what you want?

Are there any specials today?

No.

Well, is there anything
you could recommend?

Yeah, hurry.

I guess I'll have the tuna melt.

Good choice.

Oh, excuse me.

I forgot to order a beverage.

Then you must be really kicking
yourself right about now, huh?

Hi, Bonnie.

Hey, Roseanne. I thought
you were in Las Vegas.

No, the flight got canceled,

so we spent the
night in Chicago.

Then it took us half
a day to drive back.

I'm sorry.

Well, well, well.

Look who came crawling back.

Leon.

Work, Bonnie.

So, Roseanne, how
the hell are you?

Ok, this is not easy...

But, uh, if you don't
give me my job back,

my husband's going to
beat the crap out of you.

Roseanne, we both know
why you're here.

Now, all you have to do is say,

"I want my job back,"
and I'll give it to you.

Didn't you hire somebody else?

I was going to,

but you're here begging
for your job, so...

I'm not begging.

No, of course not. You
have your, uh, dignity.

To recap...

"I... Want...
My... Job... Back."

Leon.

Come on. "I... Want..."

you're such a little,
creepy, little, icky guy.

And?

And I want my job back.

Fine. Take this
iced tea to table four.

Hell, no.
I'm on a break.

[Music plays]

So I says, "Leon, you
want me to come back,

alls you
got to do is ask."

You really said it?

Yep.

Did he give you a raise?

bucks an hour.

All right!

Oh, I forgot to tell you,

when I called the hotel
to cancel the reservations,

they said there was
a huge earthquake

and Las Vegas got sucked
under the ground.

Wow, it's a good
thing we didn't go.

You bet!

I forgot to tell you
something, though.

You know, while we were gone,

the kids all met
really rich guys

and they all got married.

D.J., too?

Uh-huh.

Far out!

Aah!