05x14 - High School Confidential

[bunniefuu]

Today we show you
how to build a man's bed.

We'll be using materials that make
a man feel all warm and toasty inside.

Cold, hard steel.

That's right. We'll be cutting that
steel with the Binford chop saw.

She's a beauty, isn't she?
-inch cut-off blade.

Make sure your steel is fastened securely.
Use a smooth pull, makes for a smooth cut.

This is the steel
for our headboard and frame.

And this is the backup steel
for when Tim screws up.

Have a little faith, Al.

(turns on sa)

All right, well,
here are the two equal side rails Tim cut.

Luckily, l cut some side rails earlier.

Now we gotta weld our flanges
to our frame rails. l love welding.

You might say...

l carry a torch for it.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

We finished our frame.
Now we attach it to the headboard.

And to form our design,
we'll be using the Binford bender.

Do you suppose you call this a bender
because it's been partying all weekend?

Party! Ow!

Ow!

l don't think so, Tim.

The bender allows us
to form our headboard

into any manly pattern that we choose.

A moose, a beer mug, jockstrap.

A moose holding a beer mug,
wearing a jockstrap.

- We've chosen...
- Doesn't matter what we've chosen.

Let's face it, men -
no matter what design we put on the bed,

once your wife gets a hold of it,
it will look like this...

Men, it's time we fight back.

We've got to de-frill, de-lace,

de-froufrou de bedroom.

That's why, next time on Tool Time.

we'll show you how a man designs his
sleeping quarters and why it's called...

(together) The master bedroom.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.

When l was at the mall, l picked up some
shirts for you. See if you like them.

l don't like them.

You haven't even looked at them.

Hate it.

Hate it.

Really hate it.

l don't care what anybody says,
you're still my son.

- Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Dad.

Hi, honey.

What is that smile about?

Mm-mm.

Are you planning something sexy
for us tonight, or have you been welding?

l've been welding.

- Hi, Mom, Dad.
- Hi, sweetie. How was your day?

- Unbelievably excellent.
- You were welding?

- No. l got an A on my English test.
- All right!

- Great! l told you, you could do it.
- l'm real proud of you.

See, all your hard work pays off.
This is the second A.

Last year the only A l got
stood for ''absent.''

Yeah.

- (Brad) Hi, Randy.
- Hi. You're a little late.

Yeah, l got kept after school for detention.

You?

Mr. Moreno wants to see you guys about it.

- Mr. Moreno?
- He's that science teacher.

- We met him at the open house.
- What did he say?

None of your business.

He's also my guidance counselor.
He says l've been goofing off in class.

This isn't like you at all.
What's going on?

- Nothing.
- Bad answer.

l would have gone with, ''lt wasn't my fault.
lt was the kid next to me.''

That never worked for me.
l was the kid next to me.

Randy, teachers don't give detention
for nothing.

Actually, they do.
lt's a new program, just started.

Randy.

What's the big deal?
Brad always gets detention.

l'm not getting detention anymore.

l just got my second straight A in English.
Of Mice and Men

Ha-ha.

Finally teaching pest control in school.
That's good.

All right, science class.

Oh, l remember this smell.

Formaldehyde and frog guts.

(gru voice) l love frog guts.
How about you? Yeah, yeah.

Would you look at the size of the liver
on this guy?

l hope he had a designated driver.

l can't believe you're not worried
about Randy.

Would you relax? This is the first time
we've been called in.

When l was his age,
my mom was at school so much,

they thought she was an eighth grader
with a station wagon.

My parents first got called
in seventh grade.

Mrs. Manujen, Home Ec.
She gave me a D in casseroles.

So the problem goes back that far?

- Mrs. Taylor.
- Oh, oh, hi.

- Good to see you again.
- Nice to see you again.

Mr. Taylor, thanks for coming in.

l'd say thanks for having us,
but that's...

that's probably not what most parents say
at this point.

You would be the first. Please sit down.

l must admit, we were a little surprised
to be called in for Randy.

He's never been in trouble.

We feel the reason Randy's having
problems in class is that he's so bright.

- He's always ahead of the other students.
- Well, what are we doing here?

Shouldn't you be talking
to the parents of the dumb kids?

What's happening is
Randy finishes his work so quickly

that he gets bored and becomes disruptive.

What should we do about it?

We have a program, where we send
a few exceptional students

to the high school for certain classes.

We should send Randy
to a high school science class?

And a math class.
He's way ahead there, too.

Wow!

- l hadn't realized he was that advanced.
- Well, it's not that surprising.

His dad skipped lntermediate Shop,
went right to Advanced Metal.

Ah.

You were a shop prodigy.

Well, let's just say
l was metallurgically well-endowed.

Excuse me. Can we get back to Randy?

Well, all in all, l think it would
be great for Randy. Don't you?

Yeah, but what about Brad?
We already have a son in the ninth grade.

l'm not sure how he'll react to his younger
brother moving to the same grade.

He said it was just two classes,
science and math.

We'd make sure they weren't
in any of the same classes.

This is a big decision.
We should give it a lot of thought.

Yeah, we should. Let's do it.

You shouldn't make any decisions
until you see how Randy feels.

- Talk it over with him and give me a call.
- OK, we will. Thank you.

- You bet. My pleasure.
- Thanks.

- You bet. My pleasure. After you.
- No, please.

Just asked him one question
and he spilled his guts.

l can't believe it. Mom and Dad are still
at that teacher's conference. l'm dead.

As someone who's been through this
many times, can l give you advice?

- sh**t.
- All right.

As soon as Mom and Dad walk through
that door, you gotta say, ''l'm sorry.''

You know, like you really mean it.

All right, how's this?

l'm sorry.

Nope, not buying it.

- Hi, Randy. Hi, Brad.
- Hey, guys.

l'm sorry.

Not buying it.

lt's OK, Randy. You're not
in as much trouble as we thought.

- l'm not?
- No.

Your teacher feels that you're goofing off
because you're not being challenged.

So they want to move you to high school
for science and math.

Really?

He's gonna be in my grade?

Just for two subjects
He won't be in your classes.

- Are you OK with that?
- l don't know. Why should l care?

Hey, that's the spirit.

So, Randy, this is a big decision.

l think you're gonna have to take some time
and think about it.

You're right. Let's do it!

Randy, these kids are gonna be
a lot bigger than you are.

Mom, the kids are always bigger than me.

You gotta love this guy's spirit.
Always a positive thinker.

Ow.

- What's in your pocket?
- Oh.

Pancreas.

Actually that's a colon.

Unbelievable. l think l'm in trouble,
and l'm actually going to high school.

l'm gonna go tell Jeremy.

l guess it's settled. l'm gonna call the
school and see if l can catch Mr. Marino.

- lf you find him, let him know that a...
- Yeah, l know. The colon's in the mail.

- Can l talk to you for a second?
- Sure, Dad.

lf Randy makes this move to high school,

l'd really like you to look out for him,
make sure people don't push him around.

l'm sure Randy will do fine.

OK.

All right. Attaboy.

- Dad, l had a pretty cool day at school, too.
- Yeah, what happened?

l went to classes, had a great lunch...

went to a few more classes
and eventually l came home.

So all in all, we all had a great day.

Yeah.

Real great.

Welcome, ladies and gentleman,
to the Binford man's bedroom.

(cheers and applause)

(# fanfare)

Yeah, this is no babe's boudoir.

No honey's hideaway.

No wench's way station.

Men, you've had lace in your face
for far too long.

Now it's time to come home...

to chrome.

That's why we built the Man's Bedroom.

So he feels as comfortable here
as he does in his neighborhood bar.

ln fact, in the Man's Bedroom,
we have the neighborhood bar.

- Well, Milton, how's business?
- Slow.

- What will it be?
- A perfect Manhattan for me

and a Shirley Temple for Al.

While Milton's mixing up my highball,
let's look at the carpet.

lt's good for Saturday golf
and Monday Night Football

Milton, l'm open!

Ooh. Ha-ha.

Looks like it's gonna be my day.

(dinging)

All right, let's take a look at the nightstands.

On my side...

a mesquite barbeque grill.

On your side...

You have a phone, place for your beer
and a virtual reality system.

This way,
when your wife's reading about Fabio,

you could be racing lndy with Mario.

ln this case, guys,
a fast finishing bed is not a bad thing.

And if you do make your wife happy,
she's got the little red button. Press this.

(cheers and applause)

Thank you, honey. l do what l can.

l'd like to show everyone my favorite part
of the Man's Bedroom - the man's closet.

Most men don't like to take the time
to coordinate their clothes.

But in the man's closet,
all the work is done for you.

Shirts, ties and pants are
on rotating drums.

You just push the button
for the appropriate occasion.

l'm going to my mother-in-law's. My wife
nags me to look nice, so l push ''nag one.''

(bell dings)

- That's a very nice ensemble, Tim.
- Thank you, Al.

Now let's get to the problem
of making that man's bed.

That's right. After a man has slept in it,
it might look something like this.

Now, who wants to waste time with
hospital corners and fluffing up sheets?

You just press the button
and the man's bed becomes...

The man's pool table.

Of course we're gonna
need some cues, Al.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey.

OK, Randy. Let's hear it.
How was your first day at high school?

Great. Except for the guy who asked me
if l wanted a phone book to sit on.

Did you tell the teacher?

lt was the teacher.

lt's cool.
He doesn't mind if you call him Baldy.

We had a teacher we called Baldy.

She minded.

Well, l've finished my math
and l'm done with my homework.

Already? Wow, you're doing really well.

- Uh, l'm done too.
- You too?

Good for you.
l have a couple of smart guys here.

- l gotta go to the mall.
- Can l come with you?

- Sure. Do you want to come, Brad?
- l can't. l have to return a call to Angela.

OK. We'll see you later.

- Hey, Wilson.
- Well, hi-ho, Tim.

- You going skiing?
- Mm-hmm.

l don't know if l told you - l'm a biathlete.

Hey, whatever you do behind closed doors
is your business.

Well, actually we do it outside.

Huh?

You see, Tim, the biathlon is a combination
of cross-country skiing and target sh**ting.

l would have invited you,
but l figured you were busy.

- Oh, has it ever been a busy week.
- Mm.

Brad is becoming a really good student.
Randy's so exceptional,

- he's moved up two classes.
- Whoa!

And more importantly,
l built a really cool man's bedroom.

- Hey, Wilson.
- Neighborette.

Tim, l just got a call from the school
about Brad.

- Another A?
- No.

He flunked his last two tests
and he hasn't been doing his homework.

- He's been doing so well.
- You know what's going on, don't you?

Well, it doesn't take a genius
to figure it out, no.

He can't concentrate 'cause the other kids
are asking him about the Man's Bedroom.

Well, what's your theory?

Brad's problems began when Randy
started going to the same school.

l would concur with Jill's theory.

He's been working so hard, and then
Randy just swoops in and outshines him.

lt's awful. Brad was starting
to feel good about himself.

- l don't want him getting discouraged.
- What are we going to do?

Well, maybe you can remind Brad
of the famous Hindustan proverb:

''True nobility lies not in being superior
to another man,

but in being superior
to one's previous self.''

- Ooh, yeah!
- That is so perfect.

Like it. Where do you keep coming up
with these things?

Oh, neighbor, neighbor.

l've spent my life studying the wisdom
of intelligent thinkers and philosophers.

However, this one
l read in a fortune cookie.

- Well, thanks.
- See ya later.

Brad, we got a call from your school.

You did?

They say you're not turning in your
homework and your grades have slipped.

So, things are back to normal.

Up until last week,
you were having the best year ever.

Does this have to do
with Randy going to your school?

No.

Does this have anything to do
with the Man's Bedroom?

Brad, there's got to be some reason
that you stopped trying.

You were becoming such a good student.

- Randy's the good student.
- You're both good students.

He finishes his homework
before l can put my name on mine.

This is not about who finishes first.

lt's about getting the work done
and absorbing what you've learned.

Yeah? Well, he's better at that, too.
Everything comes easier to him.

Honey, you shouldn't compare yourself
to Randy or anybody else.

That's right. Um...

This famous man Hindu Stan...

He never compared himself
to his brother Hindu Bob.

Hindu Bob?

Look...

Honey, you should take pride
in how hard you've worked

and how much you've improved.

School's hard for me, Mom.

l know.

Brad, your best quality has always been

that you don't give up
when things get difficult.

l remember when you were a baby,
and you first started eating solid food,

the spoon never got near your mouth,
you had applesauce all over your hair.

Peas in your nose. Which wasn't very
attractive because you sneezed a lot then.

(mock sneezes)

Yeah.

The important thing is you wouldn't let us
help. You did it till you could do it yourself.

Or when you started learning
how to ride a bike.

Remember that bike l built you?
We did the metal plate paint job on that.

lt had a banana seat and it had a heated
seat in that. We had a coil run through that.

The point that your father will get to is
that no matter how many times you fell,

you wouldn't let us hold on to the bike -
you were determined to do it.

l'm a genius. l taught myself
how to eat and ride a bike.

You also taught yourself
how to get A's in school.

You were very proud of yourself
about that.

Yeah, but l had to bust my butt.

When l was in school English
was my worst subject...

- l thought it was history.
- History and English.

- What about Spanish?
- Put an el corko in it, senrita, all right?

The worst part of English to me
was creative writing,

where l had to express
all these great ideas l had.

lt was really hard to me,
but l worked at it,

and l got better grades
and l felt great because of that.

Yeah, l gotta admit,
getting those A's felt pretty good.

The greatest accomplishments in your life

are gonna be the things
that you really have to work hard for.

- l guess you're right.
- Of course she is. Look at me.

l was finally able to express my ideas

and one of them eventually became
the Man's Bedroom.

Hey.

Hey, Randy.

Could one of you pick me up
after school tomorrow?

Yeah. High school or junior high school?

Junior high school, but then you have to
take me to the high school.

- Extracurricular activity?
- Uh-huh.

Detention.

You're getting detention
in high school now?

- lt wasn't my fault.
- Well, who's fault was it?

l was trying to concentrate on my work,

and all these kids kept on bugging me
about the Man's Bedroom.

- Really?
- ln your dreams, Pop.