01x23 - The Crucible

[bunniefuu]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

SABRINA:
I'll get it.

Ooh! Oh.

In the name of the elders of Bandor,
prepare to die.

What?

Take this, Gorgo. And this, Gorgo.

[SCREAMS]

[MAN GROWLING]

[SABRINA SCREAMS]

[GROWLS]

Wait, no, I'm not Gorgo.

- You're not?
- No.

So this isn't the fortress of Wolfrick?

No, this is Collins Road.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I embarrassed.

So you're not gonna k*ll me?

No, no, no.
There's been a terrible mistake.

We recently merged
with another horde

and the interdepartmental
communications has been horrible.

I'm sorry to have troubled you.

Oh, that's okay. It was no trouble.

Believe me, I'm gonna ream
those guys in dispatch.

Hey, you forgot your thingy.

[MAN GRUNTS]

Sorry.

I only do nice hostile takeovers.

Fuelled by the flames of vengeance
and persecution,

the Salem witch trials lasted a year.

By the end of , were hanged

and the town
had seen its darkest days.

Okay, two notes on tomorrow's
field trip to historic Salem.

The bus will leave Saturday morning
at a.m.

Eight a.m. on a Saturday?
That's just wrong.

And pack lightly.

You'll be provided with period clothing
when you arrive.

The idea is for us
to fully immerse ourselves

in the repressive culture of the time.

Wanna sit next to me
on the trip tomorrow?

- I know all the good bus songs.
- I'm not sure I'm going.

Are you kidding? Don't you wanna
see where the witches lived?

Big deal.

Touchy.

- Hey, Adam.
- Hey.

- He is so into you.
- I know.

Has he asked you out yet?

Not yet,
but it's only because he's shy.

Adam's not the type of guy
who would ask a girl to do something.

- She'd have to make the first move.
- So when are you gonna?

In Salem. It's the perfect exotic setting
to let Adam know I like him.

Have you ever dated
a baseball player before?

Let's see. Football, hockey, soccer,
lacrosse, badminton.

No.

What about Carl?
We could invite him.

Eh. He always wants
to bring his skunk familiar.

SABRINA:
Hey, what's going on?

We're thinking of having

a little Texas-style dinner party
tomorrow night.

I had a hankering
for seven-witch chilli.

It's good eating. We'll save you some
for when you get back from your trip.

Oh, I don't think I can go.

- Why not?
- I'm sick. See?

Bed of nails, why am I like this?

- Because you're a "fakir."
- Huh?

You know, an Indian mystic. A fakir.

This is a very painful pun, Aunt Hilda.

Her point is you're not sick.

Okay, I'm not.
But I've been thinking about it

and Salem sounds
like a dangerous place for a witch.

The Salem witch trials
had nothing to do with real witches.

Besides, that was years ago.
There's nothing to worry about now

- except for overpriced souvenirs.
- Really?

Go and have a good time
on your field trip.

STUDENTS [SINGING]:
Eight bottles of beer on the wall

Eight bottles of beer

You take one down
And pass it around

Seven bottles of beer on the wall

Okay, that's enough. We're here.

Can't we finish the song?
We're so close.

Sorry, Harvey. No more singing.
Ye be Puritans now.

Okay, I'm going to hand out
these envelopes

which each contain a card.

Don't open them yet.

On each card is a role for you to play
while at Salem village.

Most of the cards say townsperson,

- but one or more may say witch.
- Witch?

If you really play your roles,
we can make history come alive.

Open your envelopes,
but don't reveal your card to anyone.

I'm a townsperson. What are you?

Who cares? I'm not even looking.

Hi, everybody.

What's Mr. Pool doing here?

He must be one of our chaperones.

What won't he do for money?

Jenny, art thou chewing gum?

I art.

Well, out with it.

Had the Puritans
known chewing gum,

you can bet
they would have been against it.

Good morrow, townspersons,
and welcome to Salem.

Over there is ye olde inn
where ye will eat and sleep.

And yonder is the meeting hall
where we'll discuss the town's issues.

Now, before we spread out,
I want everyone to pick a buddy.

- Buddy?
- Better be.

- Libby, I'll be your buddy.
- No, I wanna be your buddy.

Be each other's buddies.
I have someone else in mind.

You're my next choice.

- Hey, slugger.
- Hey.

Listen, Adam, I know you're shy,
so I'll make it easy for you.

- Will you be my buddy?
- Thanks, Libby.

But I already asked Jenny.

- What? Like as a joke?
- No.

- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.

- Hey, Libby.
- Hey, yourself.

- So does everyone have a buddy?
- Not me.

We can take care of that.

I'll be your buddy, Goody Chessler.

I feel like I'm falling down a well.

All right, let's change our clothes
and begin our morning chores.

I'm starving.

- I'm glad the Puritans had chips.
- Me too.

Man, those chores were tougher
than baseball practise.

Yeah, I'm really gonna feel
that churning tomorrow.

So has anyone been accused
of having a witch card?

- No and I hope no one is.
- Why not?

Because first you start looking
for witches,

the next thing you know,
it turns into a witch hunt.

Mind if I sit with you, buddy?

So you all enjoying Puritan life?

If I wanted to do chores, I would have
stayed home this weekend.

Well, life was hard then.

It wasn't unusual for a woman
your age to be married and have a kid.

[IN UNISON]
Ew.

Jenny, could I talk to you outside?
It's important.

Alone? That's forbidden.

Don't worry. No harm will come of it.

Do you see that?

It's disgusting.

I can't stand this.
Jenny is going to be so sorry.

Where are you going?

To channel my anger
into something productive.

Now, before I tell you this,
you have to promise not to repeat it.

Upon my soul.

I could get put in the stocks for this,
but you look really cute in that outfit.

Thanks. So do you.

Ah-ah, ah-ah.

Unless ye be married,
there will be no holding of hands.

Jeez, ye be really into this.

WOMAN: Ahh!
- What was that?

It came from the attic.

Libby, what's wrong?

She did this to me.

Jenny's spectre flew in through
the window and braided my hair.

- Why?
- To make me look dorky.

Her spirit also threw my shoes
out the window. And I'll prove it.

There, see what Jenny's stupid spectre
did to my shoes?

I wasn't lying. That's proof.

- Of what?
- That Jenny's card says witch.

That's ridiculous.
Jenny's not a witch.

True or false, Puritans would have
taken these allegations very seriously.

That's right.
So as Puritans, you have a choice:

You can either deal
with the witch accusation

or go back to your chores.

- I saw Jenny with the devil.
- I saw Jenny with the devil.

I saw Jenny with the devil.

- Witch. Witch. Witch.
- Hey, guys, what's going on?

- Get her.
- Come on, run.

Witch, witch, witch.

What was that all about?

- They think you're a witch.
- Really? Cool.

Maybe in some circumstances,
but not right now.

So just tell me,
did your card say witch?

Nope. Townsperson.

Great, then you're off the hook.
Just show it to them.

I can't. I spit my gum out in it.

How could you?
That's what the wrapper's for.

- Why are you getting so worked up?
- Because they're persecuting you.

If they can do this to you,
they can do it to anyone.

It's just a game.

Yeah, but what if you were a witch
and this wasn't a game?

Goody Kelley, you're wanted
in the meeting house.

It's time for your trial.

Why couldn't we have just
re-created Thanksgiving?

Let's begin the trial.

Bring in the accused witch,
Jennifer Kelley.

Cold. Cold. She's making me cold.

- Cold, cold, cold.
- Cold, cold, cold.

Oh, put a sweater on.

All right, Jennifer Kelley,
you are accused of being a witch.

- Do you confess it?
- No.

But didn't your spectre twist Goody
Chessler's hair and toss her shoes?

No, I'm pretty sure my spectre
was with me the whole time.

Where were you? You weren't in
the dining hall when Libby screamed.

She was with Adam. Unescorted.

How unseemly.

- We were just talking.
- About what?

I can't say.
I've been sworn to secrecy.

- There are no secrets from the court.
- Then ask Jill if that's her real nose.

[GAVEL BANGS]

Silence.
Jill's nose is not on trial here.

You will tell the court
what you were discussing, Jenny,

or be held in contempt.

Do with me what you may,
I will not betray a trust.

That's enough.

I'm really proud of the way
you stood up to everyone.

Thanks.

- Did they find the key yet?
- No.

Man, I wish I really was a witch.

I'd zap open these stocks
and broomstick it out of here.

Hey, there's Adam.

I'll go talk to him.

'Tis a providence you're here.

- Where've you been?
- Walking in the woods.

- What happened?
- She's been accused of being a witch

because she won't tell the court
what you were talking about.

Your secret's safe with me.

I'll tell the court.
Ye will not suffer on my account.

No, don't.

Besides, they would have
found out Monday.

We have new evidence.
Adam will testify.

What say you?

Mr. Pool, today at lunch
I did speak with Jenny.

And what was the nature
of your conversation?

This is kind of hard for me,
but I've decided to quit baseball.

[CROWD GASPING]

What? You're our best shortstop.
Why would you do that?

- Witchcraft.
- Witchcraft. Witchcraft.

No, no.

I just wanted to spend more time
on my studies.

Jenny has witched him.
She's turned a man against sports.

Don't blame Jenny. Blame coach.
He's insane.

[CHANTING]
Witchcraft. Witchcraft.

Listen to yourselves.
You have no proof Jenny's a witch.

We have no proof she isn't either.
And that's good enough for me.

But that's ridiculous. You could say
that about anyone in this room.

Ow! She's pinching me.
She's pinching me.

- Jenny, stop pinching Libby.
- Not Jenny, Sabrina.

What? I'm not doing anything.

Yes, you are. Ow! Ow.

ALL:
Ow, ow, ow

She has a witch card.
Sabrina is a witch.

Me, a witch? That's ridiculous.

- So you deny it?
- Well, I--

I'm not even gonna dignify that
with an answer.

Because you're a witch.

- Stop saying that.
- Witch.

- Careful or I'll--
- What, hex me? Witch.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

The only witch in this room is you.

What just happened?

- I can explain it.
- You can? Oh, good.

Yes, I may be wearing funny clothes,
but I'm still a science teacher.

And what we just saw
was ball lightning.

A very rare and unusual
phenomenon.

Aren't we lucky?

Lucky? It almost k*lled me.

But it didn't.
Let the record show it didn't.

I think that's enough for today.

Tomorrow they'll be more
candle making, cow milking

and the trial of Sabrina.

Hello, Aunt Zelda?

Oh, Sabrina.
We were just sitting down to chilli.

Everything is crazy. I don't like it.
You have to get me.

Slow down, you're hard enough to
understand when you're not agitated.

I want you to come get me.

- Don't you like Salem?
- No, please come get me.

What's going on?

I'll tell you when you come get me.

And don't fly. Drive.

You two arriving on vacuums
is not gonna help.

We have to go. Sabrina needs us.

Oh, all right.

Sorry guys. Salem, you're in charge.

Yes. Control. Chilli. I have it all.

[LAUGHING]

I still don't get why you're taking off.

There's just something
about this town.

Oh, there are my aunts.
Well, it's been fun. Bye, Harvey.

- Come on. Stay.
- I can't, sorry. See you Monday.

Hi, Sabrina.
We would have been here sooner,

but your aunt drives
like an -year-old lady.

- Well, let's hit the road.
- Not so fast.

What's going on?

Well, we've been doing
this role-playing game--

- Well, that sounds like fun.
- No, it's not.

People think I got a witch card.
They've accused me of being a witch.

I tell you, this town needs a disco.

So do you have a witch card?

I don't know. I didn't even look at mine
and I have no idea where it is.

This is new. Mortals have been
accusing each other for centuries,

but I think this may be the first time
they actually got a real witch.

It's supposed to be a game,
but it doesn't feel like one.

They think being a witch
is a bad thing.

Oh, you know it isn't.

Then why can't I tell people
I am one for real?

Not a good idea.
Trust me, they won't understand.

Well, they almost found out today.
I came this close to blowing my cover.

And if I take the stand tomorrow,
I can't honestly claim my innocence.

- And then what?
- Sabrina, calm down.

There's a lesson to be learned here
and you're going to stay and learn it.

- You're not gonna take me home?
- No.

Can you at least give me a hint
of what the lesson is?

It's about accepting who you are.

But I don't know who I am.
I lost my card.

You don't need a card
to tell you who you are.

- That's right.
- What's right?

You know what's right.

And now it's time for us
to go home to our chilli.

Everything will be fine.

So you drove an hour
to give me some vague platitudes?

- That's what being a parent is.
- You'll thank us when you're .

Not if they hang me, I won't.

I'm really glad you stayed.

How could I miss doing chores
and standing trial?

- Harvey, could I ask you a question?
- Is it about my feelings?

Yes.

Okay.

If I were a witch,
would you still like me?

You got the witch card.

No. Forget about the game.
What if I were a real witch?

Would you have
supernatural powers?

- Yeah.
- How could I not like that?

So, what kind of things
would you do?

Hmm. I might turn Libby into a goat,

or change my clothes a lot,
or make a giant flan.

That's all?

- Wouldn't you wanna do cooler stuff?
- Like what?

Like create a big freaky machine
that could fly, or make pizza, or--

See, it's not so easy.

Sabrina, it's time for your trial.

Wish me luck.
Is my bonnet on straight?

- All set.
- Great.

The cart will be here in a moment.

Witch, witch, witch!

Hey, watch it with the cabbage.

- Itchy. Itchy. She's making us itchy.
- Itchy.

We're in wool. We're all itchy.

We will continue
with the trial of Goody Spellman.

Goody Chessler has accused you
of being a witch.

- Do you confess it?
- Yep.

- You do?
- Uh-huh.

I'm a witch, but I lost my card,

so I guess
I'm not a card-carrying witch. Ha, ha.

But I am a witch.

All right, then, I guess that's it.

Just sign this confession
and we'll begin shunning you.

Wait. What are you saying?
You're not a witch.

That was a false confession.

Harvey, I have no problem saying
I'm a witch.

But I know it's not true.

I mean, look at this face.
Is this the face of a witch? No.

Witches are horrible, ugly things

and they melt when you
throw water on them. Look.

See, she's still there.

Thanks, Harvey. But what
you just described is a stereotype.

How do you know witches are ugly?

- Have you ever seen one?
- No.

Well, maybe you fear witches
because you've never met any.

Yes, witches are different
from mortals, but different isn't bad.

I mean, maybe there are witches
among us right now,

but we're so closed-minded
they can't tell us who they are.

And we're the ones missing out.

Because if we just accepted witches,

maybe there'd be
a big pizza party right now.

So I ask you,
can we accept witches?

[IN UNISON]
No!

No, down with witches.

Aunt Hilda was right.

Order. Order.

That was a lovely speech, Sabrina,
but the bus will be here soon

and it's time for the group
to pass judgement on you and Jenny.

Please stand before us.

Goody Kelley, you have been
accused of being a witch

and have been given
a chance to defend yourself.

Who here believes
Jenny has a witch card?

[STUDENTS CLAPPING]

Take that as a yes.

Oh, man,
is this going on my record?

Goody Spellman, you have been
accused of being a witch

and have been given a chance
to defend yourself.

Who here believes Sabrina
has a witch card?

The mob has spoken.

The court finds Jenny
guilty of being a witch,

but is letting Sabrina off
for lack of enthusiasm.

But I confessed. I confessed.

Nice try, Sabrina.
No one can accept you're a witch.

Oh, they are never getting
a pizza party now.

So how will Jenny be punished?

Libby, we're not gonna punish Jenny.

After what her spectre
put me through?

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
you can pretend we hanged her.

That's not good enough.

Shouldn't she at least have to sit
in the stocks until the bus comes?

I mean, she's a witch.
And we hate witches.

I'm cold. Really cold.

- Aren't you guys?
- No.

Maybe I'm a little chilly.

Oh, I just got a wet willy.
This is witchcraft.

Libby, you're taking this too far.

But you have to believe me.

Ah. There's a monkey on my shoulder.
There's a monkey on my shoulder.

Get it off me. Get it off me.

Libby, there's no monkey
on your shoulder.

Okay, look,
I was making it up before,

but now I really see a monkey.

Did you hear that?
She was making it up.

- Of course I was.
- So you confess?

You were just pretending to be cold
and itchy and dorky?

Yes. Yes. Now, can we please deal
with the monkey on my shoulder?

POOL:
In a second.

First, given new evidence
that Libby was making stuff up

we will reverse Jenny's conviction.

My spectre and I thank you.

And for perjury,
Libby will spend the day in the stocks

until the bus comes.

Whoo-hoo!

Don't you see him?

It's wearing a fez and saying,
"Ook! Ook!"

I think my mom's really gonna like
this homemade butter.

I got a kitchen witch for my aunts.

Oh, no, my nose is itchy.

I'll help you out there, buddy.

Oh, I just hit the bottom of the well.

I hope you enjoyed your stay
at Salem.

But before we get on the bus,
I want to let you in on a secret.

What we've been studying,
it's not just th century life,

but human nature.

The persecution and the hysteria
of years ago arose again today.

And all it took was an idea
planted in your head.

The idea that someone different
was among you.

It wasn't just an idea.
I did see a monkey.

And that's what hysteria
can do to you.

So who did have the witch cards?

No one had the witch card.
Every single card said townsperson.

I didn't create the witches. You did.

Now, think about that
on the ride home.

So should we do that last seven bottles
or go back to ?

I don't know. I'm just gonna sleep
the whole way back.

So that's where my card went.
My proof was here the whole time.

A kitchen witch.

Sabrina, thank you.
That was very thoughtful.

We'll hang it over the cauldron.

I thought you'd like it.

So are you glad
you stayed at Salem?

Yeah. It was a pretty freaky
weekend, though.

But you guys were right,
I learned a lesson.

- What lesson?
- The lesson.

Oh, that lesson.

- I'll get more pie.
- Wait. Don't get up.

It's so good to be home
and be myself again.