03x09 - Baby Barney

[bunniefuu]

Now there's a real baby.

A big one, like everything else is back in Texas.

Phew!

Coochie coochie coo. [laughing]

Coochie coochie coo to you too, wise guy.

Say, where did everybody go?

We'll have it off in a jiffy, Uncle Tex. Don't worry.

Have you flipped your bonnet, Barney? Uncle Tex could get mad at us.

How would you like to be coochie coochie cooed?

Okay, but Barney, please go along with it. It means a lot to all of us.

Come on, Wilma, one good pull.

Okay. One, two, three.

[crash]

[caws]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪♪

[bell dinging]

[Marblehead] Boy? Yes, Mr. Marblehead.

Here's a telegram for a Fred Flintstone on Cobblestone Lane.

Right, sir.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it, Fred. Don't bother getting up.

Uh.

Just a minute, please.

[sneezes]

[squawks] Boy, what a dusty floor.

Telegram for Mr. Flintstone. A telegram? Oh, no.

Fred, a telegram has come for you. What should I do, Fred?

What should I do?

Relax, Wilma. I'll get it. Just take it easy.

Hurry, Fred. Oh, dear, I just know it's bad news.

Mr. Flintstone? A telegram for you. Thanks.

You're welcome. Here's an apple for you, sonny.

An apple? With tips like that, I'll never get to college.

Don't read it, Fred. Telegrams are bad news.

What?

Why, that is the silliest thing I ever heard of.

Where did you ever get that idea? Mama always said...

Mama always said, Mama always said. Whoo, that's a hot one.

Now, if you and your mother don't mind, I'll read my telegram.

Oh, no.

I knew it. Like Mama always said.

My rich uncle, Tex Hardrock, is coming to visit us.

Oh, dear, I knew it would be bad news.

Hey, wait a minute, that's good news.

No, it isn't. It's bad news. Here, read it.

"Dear favorite nephew.

Arriving tomorrow to visit you and your wife.

Am anxious to meet my namesake, Little Tex.

Signed, Big Tex."

Who's Little Tex, Fred?

That's the bad news. There is no Little Tex.

What are you talking about?

Well, to, uh, get on the good side of my rich uncle, I, um, told him we named our baby after him.

But we have no baby. I know that.

But we gotta get one before Uncle Tex arrives tomorrow.

Come now, Fred. The very soonest we could possibly...

I'm talking about a loaner. A rental baby.

Wilma, if there's no Little Tex here when Big Tex arrives, I'm disinherited.

See? Mama was right.

I called my sister, Wilma, and she said no, she wouldn't loan Fred her baby.

I didn't think she would. But I promised Fred I'd ask.

Uh-oh. My hairdo is flipping.

Barney wouldn't have liked it anyway.

Have you any idea where he and Fred are?

Search me.

All I know is that they're out trying to find a solution to Fred's problem.

Good afternoon, gentlemen. Can I help you?

I'm interested in looking at a life-like baby doll.

A boy doll.

He's gotta talk, walk, and go to sleep.

I've got just the doll for you.

He walks, talks, and goes to sleep. Watch.

Mama. Daddy. Mama. Daddy.

Mama. Daddy.

Eh, what do you think, Barney? I think he wants his mama and daddy.

I mean, will it fool Uncle Tex?

How's Uncle's eyesight? Good.

Then it won't fool him. I guess you're right.

Hey, there's one that's perfect. Yeah.

Sure looks real, doesn't it? How about that?

It's even warm.

[crying]

My baby.

That cry is perfect.

Find out how much they want for this one, Barney.

The nerve of some people. I ought to call the police.

Sorry, lady, I thought it was a doll.

Come on, Fred, before we get in trouble.

It looks like you're sunk, Fred. A doll will never work.

No, but that baby gave me a better idea.

It did? Yup. There's the place I was looking for.

[Barney] You're kidding. The Foundling Home?

Uh-huh. Let's go in and let me do the talking.

So, you want to adopt a baby boy? That's very commendable, Mr. Flintstone.

Oh, heh. Thank you.

[woman] Of course, we'll need character references.

Fred's a real character. Everybody in the neighborhood says so.

Shut up, Barney. Shut up.

You'll find a baby will bring a lifetime of happiness to you.

I don't want one that long. Just a day or so.

A day or so? And then I'll bring him back.

Charlie. Orville. Eighty-six.

Eighty-six. That's a troublemaker, isn't it?

Yeah, let's get rid of him.

[Fred] What's the idea? [Barney] Just a minute, fellas.

I'd like to see you try that again, wise guy.

Fred.

I ought to sue you. Fred.

That's what I'll do. I'll sue you. Hey, Fred!

What's the matter, Barney? Get off my back.

It's no use, Barney. I give up. I'll just have to tell Uncle Tex the truth.

There is no Little Tex.

That's too bad, Fred. I wish there was something I could do.

What did you say, Barney?

I said, "I wish there was something I could do."

That's what I thought. Come on!

There is something you can do.

Hey! Put me down, Fred. Put me down!

Not a bad way to catch a man. I'll have to try that.

This'll work fine, mister. I'll return it in a few days. So long.

Yes, sir, this is gonna work just fine.

Fred, this is ridiculous.

You said you wished you could help me, didn't you?

Yeah, but not this much. I'm getting out of here.

No, you don't. Yes, I am.

Kick me, will you?

Get back in the carriage! [Barney] Ouch! Not the headlock.

Put me down!

Get back in that carriage!

And stay in there.

What kind of a father are you to treat a poor baby like that?

Huh? Oh, uh. [chuckles]

It ain't like it looks, lady. I'm not his father.

Not his father? Why, of all the nerve. Take that!

And that and this! You monster!

Those rock purses are m*rder.

Take it easy, take it easy!

[clicking tongue]

You'd think, for the kid's sake, they'd try to get along.

[panting]

I think we lost her, Barney. And I'm gonna lose you.

Boy, that old girl can sure run.

What a terrifying experience.

[Barney] Hey, Fred! Quiet, she might still be around!

Fred, help!

I can't stop! Do something, Fred! Quick!

Barney, come back here!

What do you think you're doing?

Help!

For crying out loud, Barney, cut it out! What are you trying to do, spoil everything for me?

Stop the carriage, Fred! Stop the carriage!

Oh, no. He's going on the freeway. Hold on, Barney. I'm coming!

[horns honking]

[Barney] Come on, Fred, think of something. This could be dangerous.

[Fred] Slow down, Barney! Slow down!

[Barney] Oh, boy, you and your great ideas.

[both] Whoa, whoa!

Now, where did he go? Barney, where are you?

Gee, Fred, you shouldn't have stopped me. I was starting to enjoy the ride.

Barney, that is the camel that broke my straw back.

Now get off of me and get out of here.

But, Fred... Don't "But Fred" me.

You and I are through as friends. We are now enemies.

Yes, we are. And I feel better already. Goodbye, enemy.

Goodbye, Fred. I mean, "enemy." No hard feelings.

Say hello to your Uncle Tex for me, will you?

Oh, my gosh. Uncle Tex. Barney, wait a minute, old pal.

Look, Barney, I'm begging you. Say you'll do it.

No. Please, pal.

Uh-uh! I feel silly in these three-corner shorts.

Oh, boy.

And I always thought of you as my pal. My buddy. My bosom friend.

But when you have a chance to prove it, you turn your back on me.

Stop it, Fred, you're breaking my heart.

You mean you'll do it? You'll be Little Tex?

On one condition.

When you get your inheritance, will you pay me the 10 bucks you owe me?

It's a promise, Barney. Put her there, son.

[laughing]

Hi, Wilma. Can you take five? It would be a pleasure.

My husband has been gone all afternoon and left all the yard work for me.

Do you think he talked anyone into loaning him a baby?

Are you kidding? [Fred] Hi, Wilma.

Fred. Sorry to be gone so long.

But old Freddy boy did it again. Our troubles are over.

What are you talking about? Where'd you get that carriage?

And where's Barney?

Girls, I want you to meet the latest addition to our family.

Little Tex Flintstone.

Goo-goo.

Come on, Wilma. Open your eyes, sweetheart.

See? It's me, Fred. Fred.

Oh, yeah. Fred.

Betty, wake up. Look, it's me.

[yells]

Betty's out again, Fred.

There's that thing again.

Barney, will you shut up and go in the house, so I can get them on their feet.

I am not being unreasonable, Wilma.

But no wife wants her husband to go around looking like that.

I admit Barney looks ridiculous. But it's only for a few days.

Just while Uncle Tex is here.

Betty, Fred will be disinherited, if Uncle Tex don't find a Little Tex.

And I'll never get my 10 bucks back.

All right, if you want to help Fred, it's okay with me.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Thanks, Betty. You're a real pal.

[ringing]

[Wilma] I'll get it.

Hello?

[Tex] Yippee!

- Is this Wilma? Yes. And who's this?

I'm Fred's uncle, Big Tex.

I'm just a hoot and a holler down the road from you.

I'm sure anxious to meet up with you and Little Tex.

See you in a few minutes, Wilma baby.

[whooping]

Who was it, Wilma?

It's your Uncle Tex.

He'll be here in a few minutes. Uncle Tex?

In a few minutes?

Quick, Barney, in the carriage. Don't forget to talk baby talk.

I don't know if I want to go through with this, Fred.

Well, you can't back out now.

What's that? That must be Uncle Tex.

Yahoo!

He's here, Fred. It's your Uncle Tex.

Boy, here we go.

[knocking on door]

Uh, come in.

[crash]

[whoops]

Freddy boy. [Fred] Hello, Uncle Tex.

[Tex] You're a sight for sore eyes, Freddy.

Put her there, my favorite nephew!

Please, Uncle Tex. No Indian wrestling.

Say uncle. Uncle!

[Tex laughing]

I hate that kind of man.

And now, Uncle Tex, I'd like you to meet my wife, Wilma, and our dear friend, Mrs. Betty Rubble.

Charmed, ladies.

You are both the very epitome of heaven and pulchritude.

I was wrong. I like that kind of man.

[giggling]

Freddy, I want to see my little old namesake, Little Tex.

Keep your fingers crossed, Betty. [Fred] Little Tex.

You sure you want to look at him?

Of course, I'm sure. Open it up.

Okay, Big Tex meet Little Tex.

Goo-goo.

Little Tex?

[babbling]

Oh, boy.

[Tex whooping]

Now there's a real baby.

A big one, like everything else is back in Texas.

Phew!

Coochie coochie coo. [laughing]

Coochie coochie coo to you too, wise guy.

Say, where did everybody go? Who turned out the lights?

We'll have it off in a jiffy, Uncle Tex. Don't worry.

Have you flipped your bonnet, Barney? Uncle Tex could get mad at us.

How would you like to be coochie coochie cooed?

Okay, but Barney, please go along with it. It means a lot to all of us.

Okay, but it isn't easy.

Come on, Wilma, one good pull.

Okay. One, two, three.

[crash]

That did it.

That sure did.

Here comes Uncle Tex. Be nice.

One coochie, just one coochie, and I'm turning in my suit.

[laughing]

He's all boy, Fred.

He don't stand for any of that sissy coochie coo stuff.

Come on, Little Tex, let's see you meander over to Big Uncle Tex.

Go on. Meander.

[Barney babbling]

Come here, boy. That's it. What the...

I hate to do this, Little Tex.

But you gotta learn to keep those big paws off of people's hats.

[babbling]

Barney, I mean, Little Tex. No, no, no!

Bad baby. Bad baby! Shame on you, Little Tex.

Must not spank rich Uncle Big Tex.

[crying]

[giggling]

Fred, you hurt Little Tex's feelings. Give him a hug.

[both laughing]

Oh, yeah.

One more trick like that, Barney, and I'll...

Daddy. Yuck.

I'll take the baby for a while, Fred. Thanks, Betty.

He sure likes his daddy, doesn't he?

Now look, mister, this means a lot to Fred and Wilma.

So stop antagonizing Uncle Tex. He spanked me first.

And you pulled his hat down. Now get back inside and be a nice baby.

Am I sorry I let Fred talk me into this. But I'll try my best.

That's a good sport. It's only until Uncle Tex leaves.

Dinner is served. Come and get it, everybody.

[Fred] Oh, boy! Roast dodo bird.

There ain't anybody in Bedrock can fix a better roast dodo bird than Wilma.

You can say that again. Ixnay, Barney, ixnay.

You're supposed to be a baby. Remember? Babies don't eat roast dodo birds.

Here's a nice bowl of cactus mush for Little Tex.

Huh?

Finish it all up, dear. It will make you grow big and strong, like your daddy.

[babbling]

Want dodo bird.

Well, you can't have any dodo bird, so eat your mush.

[Barney crying]

Tsk, tsk, tsk. You shouldn't tolerate disobedience from a child, Fred.

Make him eat his mush. [Fred] Yes, you're right.

Come on, baby, eat the nice mush. Uh-uh.

Come on, Barney, eat the mush. Uncle Tex is watching.

Watch Daddy eat the mush.

Daddy loves cactus mush. Yum, yum, yum.

Oh! That's delicious.

[Barney] Phooey.

[Barney laughing]

Funny daddy. [laughing]

Daddy like mush. [laughing]

[gulps then gags]

Oh, boy.

Excuse me a minute, folks. I'll take the baby outside again.

Barney.

This is the last time I'm going to tell you. Stop making trouble for Fred.

But I don't like mush.

You're spoiling Fred's chances of inheriting Uncle Tex's money.

And you promised you'd help him. I didn't promise to eat mush.

Well, never mind the mush. Go play with Uncle Tex instead.

And start acting like a baby.

Hold on, Little Tex.

I'm gonna show you how to bust a wild horse.

[mimics horse]

[whooping]

The only one that's gonna be busted is me.

[whooping]

Keep running, partner. Don't let me lasso you.

Help! Fred, help!

[Tex whooping]

Attaboy, Little Tex!

Well, we've put it over, Wilma.

Uncle Tex and Little Tex are hitting it off real well.

Thank goodness.

Wanna go for a little ride, Tex? Uh-uh.

Okay. Here we go. Upsy-daisy.

Got you. Up we go again.

Oh, boy, what I don't do for that Fred.

Heave-ho!

That does it.

Friends or no friends, I can't take any more of this.

Little Tex, come back here!

Well, I'll be a horn-toed platypus. He's going into the garage next door.

Whoa, Little Tex! Whoa!

[engine starts]

That sounds like Uncle Tex's car.

It is Uncle Tex. He's leaving.

[Fred] There goes our inheritance.

Uncle Tex, come back! Let's talk it over!

Quick, Fred, get our car, and let's go after him.

Uh-oh. Uncle Tex is right behind me. I gotta lose that Western wild man.

I can't take any more of this baby stuff.

Come back here, Little Tex!

Come back here, Big Tex! Look, he's chasing Barney.

Barney? Good grief, what happened?

[yells]

For a kid that can't talk, he sure can drive a car.

I don't get it! What's Barney trying to do? Get me disinherited?

Stop them before they crack up, Fred.

[phone ringing]

Police department. Sergeant speaking.

Three cars speeding? Yeah?

The first car is being driven by a what? A baby!

I never heard of adults carrying on like that.

You're all guilty of reckless driving.

Except that innocent baby over there with the police nurse.

[babbling]

He's such a sweet little fella. So affectionate.

Does little baby want to give nursey another kiss?

[Barney cooing]

All right, break it up.

That baby happens to be my husband.

I've heard of robbing the cradle, but this is ridiculous.

I'm sorry, Uncle Tex.

I thought it would make you happy if there was a Little Tex.

But I never figured you'd visit us.

Well, a Little Tex would have cinched your inheritance, Freddy boy.

But I'm not holding it against you.

After all, you were just trying to please me.

Hooray for Uncle Tex!

So long, folks. I'll be back next year.

Goodbye, Uncle Tex. And thanks for forgiving me.

There he goes, and I'm still in his good graces.

He sure wants a Little Tex though.

It's been a trying day, dear. Now go relax while I fix some dinner.

Okay, honey.

[sighs]

Yowch! What the...!

A fine place for Wilma's knitting needles.

A baby booty.

That Wilma. How close-mouthed can she get?

Wilma! Why didn't you tell me?

Fred, where are you going with that booty? I'm knitting it for Betty's sister's baby.

Uncle Tex, look, it's blue! It's gonna be a boy!

We'll call him Little Tex! Honest, we will!

Come back, Uncle Tex! Come back!

[laughing]

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪ Wilma!