03x03 - Barney the Invisible

[bunniefuu]

[screeching]

[man] He delivers.

Looks good, good... good.

Perfect strike for Blowhard.

No, wait.

Two pins have stood up.

Instead of a strike, it's a split.

Well, here comes the ball.

And it misses. [gasps]

[man] Looks like the pin jumped up out of the way.

Now, Flintstone is ready.

[screeching]

He delivers the ball, and it's wild.

The ball might hit the seven pin.

And it did.

No. It's a strike.

How about that?

[spectators cheering]

Stick around, Blowhard. You ain't seen nothing yet. Ha-ha-ha!

[theme music playing]

[squawks]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba-doo time We'll have a gay old time ♪

Just look at this bundle of wash.

And every bit of it is Barney's.

Ooh, that man must change his clothes at least four times a day.

Okay, Cicero, turn the water on.

That's enough.

[barking]

Come on, Sam. In you go.

[barking]

Hm. Sam sure helps get the clothes nice and clean.

Uh-oh. Here I go again. [hiccupping]

That was a ring-ding-dinger!

Oh, dear.

You still have those nasty old hiccups, haven't you, Barney?

Well, I... [hiccupping]

[squawks] Aw, come on, knock it off. [hiccupping stops]

That's better. [squawks]

Uh, like I was saying, I'm okay for a while, and then it starts all of a sudden.

I'm worried, Barney.

I'll ask Wilma. She might know a cure.

Uh, yeah, maybe she does. [hiccups]

That was a sneaky one.

[squawks] You're telling me.

You mean he still has the hiccups?

Uh-huh. The poor dear.

He didn't get any sleep last night, and he's worse than ever today.

Oh, that's terrible.

Did you try kerosene and sugar?

The very first thing.

Slapping him on the back? Didn't work.

Standing on his head? Just gave him a headache.

Well, I suggest you send him to the doctor, Betty.

Mm. I guess I'll have to, unless Fred has some ideas.

Oh, no.

Don't tell Fred. Barney would never recover.

[giggles] I guess you're right, Wilma.

Say, I hope he didn't hear us talking about it.

Don't worry. Fred's out in the garage working on another of his nutty inventions.

You remember his last one, the hair grower?

Uh-huh. But Fred said it worked.

It actually grew hair on a dodo bird egg.

Yeah, but it won't grow hair on anything else.

[both laughing]

If there's ever a demand for hairy dodo eggs, Fred's all set.

Now he's trying to invent a new soft drink.

[sneezes]

I could use a drink on this dusty job.

[Fred] Let's see, two drops of concentrated sassafras and a dash of mango juice.

That's what it needed.

Now to blend all the secret ingredients together.

[hissing and bubbling]

Success after 411 tries.

Say, that would make a good name for it.

Introducing the new soft drink sensation, Fred Flintstone's 411-up.

[groans]

Well, 412-up, coming up.

Come to think of it, some of the greatest inventions were discovered by accident.

I'll pour everything together and see what I come up with.

There. I got everything in it except the kitchen sink.

[hissing and bubbling]

Hm. Maybe I should have added the kitchen sink.

Hiya, Fred. Is it safe to come in? [laughing]

Funny. Very funny.

What's on your mind, Barney? I'm kind of busy.

Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Just passing by on my way to see the doctor.

The doctor?

What's the matter with you, Barney-boy? Well, I got the...

[hiccupping]

Hiccups. [hiccups]

Don't tell me you're going to the doctor for something as chintzy as hiccups?

Well, uh, Betty said I should go.

Well, I can save you the trip, pal, because I can cure your hiccups.

Hey, no kidding. I never kid about science, Barney.

This is one of my first inventions, the Fred Flintstone hiccup cure.

Well, that looks like an ordinary sack to me, Fred.

It fits over your head like this:

Hey, hurry up, Fred. I'm afraid of the dark. [laughing]

Hold it tight around your neck, so no air can get in.

That's it.

Well, uh, now what, Fred?

Blow hard.

[blowing]

Keep blowing.

[Barney gasping and blowing]

[hiccupping]

Nice try, Fred, but I'd better see the doctor.

Wait, wait. I know a sure-fire cure in stubborn cases.

Close your eyes.

Uh, how's that, Fred?

Good. Now don't peek.

I read somewhere that hiccups disappear if the patient gets a sudden scare.

And Barney is timid about sharp hatchets.

Hey, Barney. [Barney] Yeah.

You can open your eyes now.

[hiccupping]

[hiccupping continues]

Gee, he's worse than ever.

[hiccupping stops]

Hey. Maybe a drink of 412-up will help.

[hiccupping continues]

Hold it, Barney.

Here. Drink this.

Yuck! Oh, that tastes awful.

I, uh...

I feel kind of funny, Fred.

What do you mean "funny"?

Barney, what's the matter?

Oh, boy.

Barney, where are you?

I'm right in front of you.

Boy, you must need glasses. Huh?

That drink did the trick, Fred. The hiccups have completely disappeared.

And you with them, Barney! You're invisible!

Invisible? Oh, that's ridiculous.

If I was invisible, I wouldn't be able to see myself in this mirror.

I, uh... [stammering] Huh? I'm gone!

I am invisible. I can't see myself!

Neither can I!

Here. Put on this cap so I know where you are.

Okay.

Now what, Fred? You gotta help me.

I did help you. I cured your hiccups, didn't I?

Oh, yeah. I forgot. Thanks.

But how are you gonna make me visible again?

How should I know?

Why is it every time you show up, you make trouble for me?

Trouble for you? Seems like I'm the one who's in trouble.

Yeah. You think of the fix I'm gonna be in when you blab to Wilma and Betty that I made you invisible.

Oh, I won't tell, Fred, but it's gonna be kind of hard to keep it from Betty when she sees this hat floating around the room.

Oh, let's face it. She's gonna ask questions.

Yeah.

Yeah. Wives are kind of nosy about something like that.

Look, give me a break, Barney.

Before you tell her, let me try to find something to cure you.

Okay, Fred.

Maybe this will work.

Here. Here, try some seaweed juice.

If you say so, Fred.

Here goes.

Nothing. Well, that's okay. That's okay.

There's plenty of stuff here.

Fred!

Oh, Fred, lunch is ready!

Oh, dear. The garage door is closed. He can't hear me.

Boy. Fred and his hush-hush inventions.

[Fred] Here. Here, try this. You can't stop now.

[Barney] No more, Fred. I don't want any more.

That's funny. Barney was supposed to see the doctor.

He couldn't be back yet.

Stop squirming! It's for your own good!

[Barney] No more! No more!

Come on, come on! Drink it!

This one might work.

[Barney] I don't want any more!

Fred! [yells]

Wilma.

You, uh, startled me.

Fred Flintstone, what's going on in here?

[stammering] Well, I'm conducting an experiment. That's what's going on.

An experiment?

Looked more like you were inventing a new dance step.

And what happened to Barney?

Barney? Yes. Barney.

I distinctly heard Barney Rubble's voice in here.

Well, look around. Do you see Barney?

No, I don't.

But I was sure I heard his voice.

Okay, come on. Lunch is ready.

And this cap should be hanging up.

Fred, how did you do that?

No questions, please. It's top-secret.

And I ain't kidding.

I still think that cap trick was done with mirrors.

It couldn't possibly get there by itself.

Oh, boy. Corned brontosaurus on rye.

Uh, while you figure out how I done it, sweetie, I'll dig in.

Barney, cut that out.

Ixnay, Barney. Ixnay.

Now cut that out, Barney!

Barney?

What do you mean? Barney is at the doctor, Fred.

Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, the doctor, yeah. Sorry.

You feel all right, Fred? Yeah, sure.

Why don't you drop by the doctor and see how Barney is?

Yeah, yeah. Good idea. I'll leave right now.

Doggone that Barney. He made me miss my lunch.

Hey, Barney. You out here?

Where are you, Barney? [Dino yapping]

No, no, Dino! Not you!

No, I'm not calling you! Down, boy! Down, down!

[laughing] Cut it out.

Dino, cut... Heel, boy, heel.

[laughing] No! [yapping]

[Barney] Hey, Dino, cut that out.

[gasps] Leave Fred alone, Dino.

[Dino whimpering]

[laughing] Look at him go!

He heard you, but he couldn't see you! That's real funny.

[Barney] Well, not to me, Fred.

Fred, who are you talking to?

Uh... nobody, Wilma. I was, uh, practicing a little ventriloquism.

Well, stop acting silly and get going.

[Fred] Yeah, okay. Okay, Wilma.

I'm worried about Fred. He's been acting so strange.

I better have the doctor check him while he's at the office.

I'm supposed to see you at the doctor's, Barney.

Can I use your car? Mine has a flat.

[Barney] Oh, sure, Fred.

Only, you know I don't like anybody to drive my car.

I'll take you there myself.

Yes, Dr. Quartz, he's on his way to your office now.

[Dr. Quartz speaking indistinctly] Well, I'm really worried.

He keeps acting so peculiar. [Dr. Quartz speaking indistinctly]

What do I mean?

Well, he keeps talking to himself, and...

[car engine starts, then revs]

Right now, he's using our neighbor's car, but nobody's driving!

[whistle chirping]

No driver? Oh!

Those onion-pterodactyl sandwiches will do it every time.

Hey, pull into the bowling alley, Barney.

Bowling alley? Why?

We can watch a few games while I figure out what to do with you.

Okay.

[tires screech]

[Barney] Hey, Look, Fred. There's Blowhard Sandstone bowling on Alley 2.

Yeah, I see him.

You're the best bowler here except for him.

He's got a hex on me or something. I just can't seem to beat that loudmouth.

Uh-oh. He spotted you, Fred. He's looking right at you.

Yeah. He's gonna challenge me to a game, I bet you.

Well, if it ain't old Fred Flintstone. [laughs]

I heard the flapping of wings, and I said, "That sounds like a pigeon just flew in."

I look around, and I was right.

My favorite pigeon, Fred Flintstone, is sitting there. [laughing]

Hey, you gonna bowl a game, Flinty?

Not today, Blowhard. [laughing]

Well, I don't blame you. You'd never beat me anyway.

Oh, boy.

Once, just once, I'd like to beat that guy and get him off my back.

Why don't you play him, Fred?

What for? I'd only lose.

Well, uh, not if you had an invisible friend to help you down by the pins.

Hey, yeah.

Yeah. You could make sure I win.

Hold it, Blowhard. I'll play you a game.

Hey, you guys, watch.

I'm gonna knock off Fred Flintstone again.

[all laughing]

[man] Blowhard Sandstone, who's never lost a match game, leads off.

He makes the approach and the delivery.

Oh, it's a beautiful ball hooking just right for the pocket.

No. It bounced into the next alley as if someone had kicked it.

Old Blowhard must've had too much hook on it that time.

And Fred Flintstone gets a break.

But this game is only starting.

Blowhard tries for a spare.

He delivers.

It looks good. Good.

Good.

Hey, the ball is slowing down.

It stopped.

Now it's coming back.

A lot of backspin on that ball.

It looks like Blowhard deliberately missed the first two balls to give Fred Flintstone a handicap.

A nice gesture, and skillfully done.

Psst! Hey, Barney. Nice going.

[man] Blowhard moves to the next alley.

He's into his approach, and it looks good.

Perfect strike for Blowhard.

No, wait.

Two pins have stood up.

Instead of a strike, it's a split.

Well, here comes the ball.

And it misses. [spectators gasp]

[man] Looks like the pin jumped up out of the way.

Now, Flintstone is ready.

He delivers the ball, and it's wild.

The ball might hit the seven pin.

And it did.

No. It's a strike.

How about that?

[spectators cheering]

Stick around, Blowhard. You ain't seen nothing yet. Ha-ha-ha!

[man] What a man. What a man.

And Flintstone has bowled a strike in every frame.

He needs only one more for a perfect game.

And he's gonna try for it.

Blindfolded.

Oh, what confidence.

He's got the ball, and he's passing it through his legs like a football center.

The ball is headed straight for the center pin.

Looks like it's gonna be a seven-ten split.

And it is a split.

Oh, too bad.

No, wait.

The seven pin starts to wobble.

It falls.

And now the 10-pin goes down.

It's a strike.

Fred Flintstone has bowled a perfect game.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

[man] And Blowhard Sandstone is having a little trouble hiding his disappointment.

[sobbing]

[laughing]

A perfect game. Boy, did we fool old Blowhard.

[Barney] Uh, Fred, did you figure out how to get me uninvisible yet?

Are you kidding?

If you stay invisible, we can make a fortune.

We'll bowl all over the country, win every match.

We'll clean up, Barney. We'll be millionaires!

Fred, isn't that crooked?

Crooked? Yeah, I guess so.

I knew there must be something wrong with a perfect setup like that.

Well, I better see that doctor. Maybe he can make me visible again.

I don't know what he can do that I can't.

I better go with you and explain things to him.

Well, here we are, Barney. Now, remember, let me do the talking.

Okay, Fred.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Is the doctor in? My name is Fred Flintstone.

Oh, yeah. Dr. Quartz is expecting you, Mr. Flintstone.

Oh, but I'm not the patient. It's my friend here.

Your, uh, friend there?

Yeah. He has a problem.

Yeah, I'm sure he has.

Come on, Barney, the doctor will fix you up.

Right, Fred.

Maybe on my day off, I ought to go see a doctor.

Ah, yes, Mr. Flintstone. I've been expecting you.

Now, uh, what's your problem?

Oh, I ain't got a problem. It's my friend here I've come to see you about.

Your friend? Oh. Oh. Well, what's his trouble?

He's invisible.

Invi... Oh, I noticed that.

There's a lot of it going around these days. It's a regular epidemic.

[buzzer sounds] You can't be too careful.

Good work, Charlie.

Hey, hey, what's going on here?

Keep the patient in isolation. I'll check on him later.

[Fred] Put me down!

Stop it! What do you think you're doing? Let me go. I'm not the patient!

Invisible friend. That is a new one.

[Barney] But I am invisible, doc. You have to help me.

[stammering] Who...?

Who said that? I did. Barney Rubble.

Bubble? No, no. Rubble.

Oh, yes. Oh, Rubble.

Yeah. Your wife called and said you had the hiccups.

Oh, they're cured, but the cure made me invisible.

Oh. Uh, well, you'd be better-off with the hiccups.

Hey, Charlie, bring the Flintstone fellow back.

It's all a mistake.

Ah, now, let me see, invisible. [stammering] Oh.

Oh, yes. Now, this stuff ought to make you solid again.

At least it worked in the horror movie I saw on TV last night.

You mean the one where the guy turned into a saber-toothed tiger every night?

[chuckles] Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's the one.

And then the detective makes himself invisible to catch the tiger man?

Wasn't that great? Yeah.

Oh, come on, you guys, knock it off and do something about my condition.

Oh, yes.

Oh, are you still here? I heard you.

Oh, here, Mr. Bubble. Drink it all down.

[Barney groans]

He's still invisible, doc. Yeah. Now, that's funny.

There's nothing funny about it. I'm going home.

Home? Wait a minute, Barney. Come back!

Well, I don't understand it.

It worked so good on The Late, Late Show.

[Fred] Hey, Barney, hold it!

Wait for me! Don't go home yet!

Betty and Wilma will crown me if they found out I made you invisible.

Hold it, Barney!

Hold it!

[siren wailing]

Okay, cowboy. Pull over.

What are you, some kind of a show-off or something?

[stammering] Uh, no. No, officer. The car sort of got away from me.

[Fred and Barney chuckling]

[Barney] Oh, boy. This is my chance to get even with Fred.

You middle-aged teenagers ought to have your licenses revoked.

Aw, just give me the ticket and shut up.

What?

[stammering] Nothing, officer. Ha, ha. I...

I didn't say nothing.

One more crack like that, and I'll run you in.

Yes, sir. [Barney laughs maniacally]

Aw, you and your sense of humor.

I ought to make you pay for that ticket.

That's not the problem. What's Betty gonna say when she sees me?

I mean, doesn't see me.

What can she say? She took you for better or for worse.

But not this worse.

Barney, I can see you! You're getting uninvisible!

You wouldn't kid me, would you, Fred?

Of course not. I can see all of you except your head.

Barney, you made it!

Looks like that stuff I gave you wears off in a little while.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Yabba-dabba-doodly-doo-doo! Yabba-dabba-doodly-doo-doo!

Yoo-hoo, Wilma.

Barney's been gone for hours.

Has Fred come back from the doctor's yet?

No. But they should be back any minute.

[chirping and singing]

There. My wash is all hung.

I just hope it doesn't rain.

Honestly, Wilma, I think that's wonderful.

How did Fred ever train those birds?

It was easy. They like sitting on the clothesline.

Only I'm afraid someday my whole wash will fly south for the winter.

[giggling]

Wilma, do you suppose it'd be all right to see some of Fred's other inventions?

Sure. Come on over.

And this is the last-forever umbrella.

It will last forever because it's made of stone.

Stone?

Well, who could lift it?

Nobody. That's why it flopped.

Now, over here, we have his latest invention.

A new soft drink that Fred says will put the Cactus Coola people out of business.

Let's sample it.

Mm. I don't know.

Let's see what it smells like first.

[both inhale] Yuck!

Isn't that awful? I'll say.

Well, one thing for sure, the Cactus Coola people have nothing to worry about.

Right. [giggling]

You know, Betty? Hm?

I think Fred's been working too hard on these inventions.

He's been acting so peculiar all day.

I asked the doctor to check him over when he got into the office.

Why, I thought you sent him there to see how Barney was coming along.

Oh, that was just an excuse. It was Fred I was worried about.

Yabba-dabba-doo! And a doodle-dee-doo-doo!

Look, Wilma. Here come the boys.

I wonder how they made out at the doctor.

Hi, Betty. Look, no more hiccups.

And no more inventions. I'm off of that soft-drink kick, Wilma.

I'm gonna go in the garage and dump all that stuff.

If you see Dino, send him in, Fred.

Something scared him, and he's been hiding in the garage all afternoon.

Huh? Garage? Dino?

Oh, no.

Dino, here, boy! Where are you, Dino?

Here, boy! [Dino yapping]

[Fred grunts]

No, Dino! No, stop! Down, boy! Down!

Stop it! Don't you hear me? Stop it!

[Fred laughing and Dino yapping]

Barney, what's going on?

[laughing] Uh, let's sit down, ladies. It's a long story.

No, Dino! No! No, that tickles!

Stop!

[theme music playing]

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones Have a yabba-dabba-doo time ♪

♪ A dabba-doo time We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪ Wilma!