02x22 - Operation Barney

[bunniefuu]

Hey, are you the desk nurse?

No, I'm Lady Godiva, and this is a kissing booth.

Where is Mr. Rubble's room?

He's in 102. Who are you, fatso? A deceased relative or something?

No, I'm a deceased pal. And I got to see him.

Sorry, buster.

Hey, what's the big idea?

[desk nurse] No visitors.

You know what this means, don't you? We'll miss the ball game.

Well, I'm not much for ball games, but if you'll behave yourself, maybe we can take in a movie tonight.

Oh, boy.

Now, look, buddy. Rules are rules.

And it's only fair to warn you that I know judo.

If you pull that again, I'll bounce you out of here. You understand?

Yes, ma'am.

Gangway! Emergency case! We're taking this one right to the operating room.

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

Fred, breakfast is ready. You better hurry or you'll be late for work.

Relax, Wilma. There's lots of time. I'm just starting my morning exercises.

Remember, you have to pick up Barney. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

[groaning]

There. That ought to do it. Maybe tomorrow, I'll try two.

No use rushing these things. A guy can get musclebound or something.

I fixed a soft-boiled pterodactyl egg, but you'll have to hurry.

Stop worrying, Wilma. I got plenty of time.

Now where's the morning paper? Still on the porch, I guess.

Hey, Dino, fetch the paper, boy. Bring the paper.

[yapping]

Attaboy, Dino. Put her right here, boy.

Oh, great, now how am I gonna find the sports section?

It's just as well, Fred. It's almost 8:00.

You better get going. What is it with you wives?

If we stay home, you tell us to get out. If we stay out, you want us home.

No wonder some husbands go batty.

Well, some wives worry about their husbands.

Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing.

So long, Wilma.

Bye, Dino. Be a good boy.

You know what you're doing. Sure you do.

Hurry, before you're late. All right! Quit rushing me.

I'll see you tonight, bye.

[door slams]

[sighs] Every morning, it's the same thing. Come on, Dino. Let's have breakfast.

[yapping]

Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's to be rushed.

Okay, Barney!

[honking]

You got 10 seconds before the Flintstone Express leaves for the salt mines.

I'm ready, Freddie. I'll be right with you.

Make it snappy, I don't want to miss my coffee break.

Open the door, Betty. And hold my lunch pail.

Yesterday you left in such a hurry, you forgot to kiss me goodbye.

Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

Barney, wait, you forgot to kiss me again.

I'll give you two when I come home. Bye-bye.

"I'll give you two when I get home." Big deal.

Hiya, Fred. Morning, Barney. Beautiful day, huh, pal?

Naturally. It's a working day.

I can think of a lot better ways to spend it than working.

Like, uh, maybe, bowling a couple of hundred games?

Or fishing all afternoon.

How about, uh, watching some of them daytime soap operas on TV?

No. There's something about this time of year that makes a man feel restless.

You know what they say, Fred:

"In the spring, a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of baseball."

Yeah, that's right.

The Bedrock Boulders play a double-header this afternoon.

Oh, boy, would I like to see that. Oh, me, too.

It's a shame we got to work. You know, I don't like to brag, Barney.

Yeah, I know that, Fred.

But back in the old days, I used to be quite a pitcher.

You're quite a pitcher now, Fred. [laughing]

A fat, round one. Droll. Very droll.

Around school, I was known as Fireball Freddie.

No kidding. I always thought you majored in hooky. [laughing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep it up, pal, and you'll find yourself walking to work.

Or limping. I'm sorry, Fred. I was only kidding.

Hey, you remember the time I practically won a game single-handed?

Oh, yeah, I remember that game. Our team was winning 32 to nothing with two out in the last of the ninth inning.

So the coach figured it was safe to let you pitch.

That's right. And I won the game.

Uh-huh. You won the game, all right, Fred.

By a score of 32 to 31.

Yep. It was a regular pitcher's duel.

[brakes screech]

What's the matter? Why are you stopping?

Barney, I'm going to see that ball game today and I ain't gonna see it alone.

Oh, I know, Fred.

They show it to a couple of thousand people at a time.

I know that, bubblehead.

What I mean is you and me are gonna go see that game.

But how can we, Fred? We got to go to work.

That's what you think. But I got a brilliant scheme to get out of work.

You gonna quit?

You want to go see the game or not? Well, sure, Fred.

But I've seen your brilliant schemes work before and I don't know.

This one is different. Now come on, let's get started.

What are you going to do? It's very simple. We call up our bosses and tell them we're sick. And bah-boom, just like that, we're at the ball game.

Oh, that is a brilliant idea, very shrewd.

But, uh, what about our wives? What about them?

We'll be back in time for dinner. They won't know a thing.

I'm telling you, it's foolproof, Barney.

I got to hand it to you, Fred.

I just don't know how you do it. Brains, pal, brains.

And all I got is good looks. [laughing]

Now, uh, listen to the old master, because you're gonna have to do the same thing.

[clears throat]

[in weak voice] Hello? Rockhead Quarry Company?

Mr. Slate? [coughs] Please, Mr. Slate... this is... [coughing]

Fred Flintstone, Mr. Slate.

[coughing] I was calling to...

No. No, Flintstone. F-L-I-N-T.

Yeah, Fred Flintstone. That's me. I...

[coughing]

I came down with a bad cold this morning, Mr. Slate, and I thought I'd better stay home in bed today.

That is, if you can spare me?

[Slate speaking indistinctly] You can? Anytime?

Well, thank you, sir. I'll take care of myself.

[Slate speaking indistinctly]

Well, I'll take care of myself, anyway. So long.

You see, Barney? You just let the boss know who's boss.

Now call yours and give him the same pitch.

Oh, I don't know, Fred. I never could pitch it as good as you.

[stammering] I'm nervous.

Remember to cough a little to make it sound good.

Okay, Fred, but I don't think it'll work. Sure it will. Just keep cool.

Shh! He's on the phone now. Uh, hello, Mr. Pebble?

Uh, this is Fred Flintstone... I mean, Barney Rubble.

I... [coughing]

I was on my way to work this morning, and I was just wondering... [coughing]

That is, I...

[whispers] Psst! You have a cold. Oh, yeah.

I was just wondering if I could have a cold.

I mean, I don't feel well. I got the dizzy spells and chills, and I got the spots in front of my eyes. That's great, Barney. Keep it up.

I, uh... What, sir? Uh-huh. Yeah, I will, sir.

Yeah. Goodbye, sir. What did he say?

He said as long as I was on my way to work to come in and report to the company nurse.

Now I'm in for it. Relax, pal, relax.

All you got to do is give the nurse the same sick routine.

Lots of coughing, a few sneezes, and she sends you home.

Uh, you know something, Fred? What?

I think I'm getting sick of the whole thing.

Well, here we are, Barney. Make it snappy so we can get to the ball game.

Hey, uh, I'm kind of scared, Fred. What if the nurse finds out I'm not sick?

No one's gonna find out. Just go in there and act sick.

Who's acting?

I says to this first doctor, "You're quite an operator, ain't you?"

Honestly, Shirl, he was worse than some of the characters around here.

And you know how they are.

Always coming in with some phony ailment just because I got a pretty face.

Uh, pardon me, nurse. Mr. Pebble told me to drop in.

I'll have to hang up now, Shirl. Another one of those clods just walked in.

Oh, hello, Mr. Rubble. I've been expecting you.

Well, I can come back later if you're busy.

Come right in.

That was Shirley on the switchboard. She's a regular busybody.

Now, what seems to be the trouble? Well, uh, I think I'm catching a cold.

[coughing] So, uh, Mr. Pebble said...

We can't tell a thing until we get your temperature.

Now, you wait here while I get the needle.

[stammering] Needle?

What's taking that guy so long? We're gonna miss the ball game.

Barney's a good guy but he's the poorest excuse for making an excuse I ever knew.

I better hurry him up.

Psst!

Barney, what are you doing with that thing in your mouth?

We haven't got all day, you know. The nurse is taking my temperature, Fred.

She's gonna find out I ain't sick.

We'll fix that. Come over here.

What are you going to do, Fred?

Raise your temperature a few points with this lighter.

Here.

There. That ought to do it.

[nurse] Oh, Mr. Rubble... will you please raise your left arm?

What are you gonna do with that thing?

Now, don't tell me you never had a blood test before?

[stammering] Blood test?

[groans]

Men are such sissies. Oh, well, it'll be easier this way.

Hm. Three hundred and twelve degrees.

Three hundred and twelve degrees! Yipes!

Shirley, quick! Send an ambulance. It's Mr. Rubble, he's in terrible shape!

Come on, Barney. We'll miss the whole ball game.

[siren wailing]

[wailing continues, then tires screech]

That's what I get for inviting him along.

He probably chickened out and sneaked back to work while I wait here.

Well, I ain't gonna wait much longer. Who needs him anyhow?

Hiya, Fred. Hiya, Barney.

Barney! Now what's he trying to pull?

What are you doing? You trying to make me miss the ball game?

Do something, Fred. They're taking me to the hospital.

You got to get me out of this.

That's Barney for you.

Always getting himself in a jam, and expecting good old Fred to bail him out.

You know, Fred certainly was in a hurry this morning, Wilma.

He must be getting restless in his old age.

Yeah, I know, Betty.

It happens every spring when the Boulders are in town.

Boulders? The Bedrock baseball team.

Oh! Fred's a big fan.

He just loves sitting in the bleachers and eating brontosaurus burgers.

[screeches]

When baseball season arrives, it's like having a 250-pound Little Leaguer around the house.

[ringing]

I'll get it.

Hello? Oh, yes, she's here.

It's for you, Betty. It's Barney's boss.

Mr. Pebble? I wonder what's wrong.

Hello, Mr. Pebble. This is Mrs. Rubble.

What? My Barney's in the hospital? Well, I'll get over there right away!

Barney's in the Rockopedic Hospital with a high fever.

Oh, that's terrible, Betty. Let's get over there right away.

[tires screeching]

Hey, are you the desk nurse?

No, I'm Lady Godiva, and this is a kissing booth.

Look, I got no time for amateur comedians. Where is Mr. Rubble's room?

He's in 102. Who are you, fatso? A deceased relative or something?

No, I'm a deceased pal. And I got to see him.

Sorry, buster.

Hey, what's the big idea?

[desk nurse] No visitors.

You know what this means, don't you? We'll miss the ball game.

Well, I'm not much for ball games, but if you'll behave yourself, maybe we can take in a movie tonight.

Oh, boy.

Now, look, buddy. Rules are rules.

And it's only fair to warn you that I know judo.

Now just sit here quietly, and you won't get hurt.

But if you pull that again, I'll bounce you out of here. You understand?

Yes, ma'am. [siren wailing, then doors slamming]

Gangway! Emergency case!

We're taking this one right to the operating room.

Go ahead, Charlie.

Hot dog, I made it. Now to rescue Barney.

We still got time to catch the first inning.

I guess Fred must've gone to the ball game without me.

I better get back to work and confess the whole thing to Mr. Pebble.

Here it is. Room 102.

[groans] You numbskull! What's the idea, slamming me with the door?

Fred, you're here.

I didn't think you'd make it and I was just leaving.

Well, you can't just walk out of here.

That half back at the desk will throw you right back in.

Now get back in there. I got an idea to get us both out.

Okay, Fred.

[Fred] All set, Barney?

[Barney] Yeah, Fred. Hey, you look cute.

[Fred] Quiet, and here goes.

Just lie still. I'll wheel you right past the desk and out the front door.

[in high-pitched voice] You're doing fine, Mr. Rubble!

We'll take a ride around the grounds and get some fresh air.

Wow, what a homely nurse.

We made it, Fred. We're outside.

[in normal voice] Yeah, and with any luck, we'll still see that ball game.

I got to hand it to you, Fred. You... Yikes!

Look. It's Wilma and Betty.

If they catch us, we're sunk! Hold on, Barney!

Hey, I wonder what they're doing here.

Somebody must have tipped Betty off, like your double-crossing boss.

We gotta hide back in the hospital.

You wait here while I climb out of this outfit.

Hurry up, Fred. I'm scared.

Mr. Rubble, what are you doing in the maternity ward?

[stammering] You better not try to talk, Mr. Rubble.

And don't worry. We'll take good care of you.

Of course, with a 312 degree temperature, we'll have to operate.

Operate? Naturally.

We're bringing in our Viennese specialist, Dr. Sliprock.

[stammering] Sliprock? Oh, he's very good.

First he'll start with a collateral of the clavicle and do an exploratory soldering of the paraphernalia delicti.

Then, if you're still around, he'll...

Help!

Let me out of here!

Boy, he's worse off than I thought.

Somebody ought to call a doctor. We interns can't do everything.

Hey, Mr. Rubble! Mr. Rubble, come back!

Now you wait here, Mrs. Rockslide. I'll get your room ready.

Thank you, nurse.

Okay, the coast is clear.

We can slip out the window together and be gone before anyone catches on.

Help! There's a masher loose!

Oh, boy!

There he goes! Help! Help!

Somebody call the police!

[groans] That Barney, he gets me in more trouble.

Hiya, Fred.

Barney, what are you doing in here? You were supposed to be on that table.

Sorry, Fred.

But they was going to operate on me, and I ain't got a hospital plan.

We got to get you back in Room 102 before Betty and Wilma get there.

How, Fred? Same way I got you out.

Back on the table.

Okay, you stay here until I figure out what to do.

What will I tell Betty if she comes in here?

Tell her you got laryngitis and can't talk.

Fred, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?

[stammering] I... That is, I...

You've been a naughty boy, Mr. Rubble. I've been looking all over for you.

A patient with a 312 degree temperature shouldn't be running around.

Besides, we're ready to operate now. Operate?

They're going to operate on my Barney? For what?

What's going on, Fred?

Excuse me, girls, I got to say goodboo... Goodbye... I mean, good luck to Barney.

Poor Fred is almost hysterical.

Let's go find somebody that knows what this is all about.

[Barney] I'm telling you, it's all a mistake. I really feel fine.

Sure you do, Mr. Rubble. Sure you do. Now just relax.

Dr. Sliprock will be here in a minute, and we'll start the operation.

Sheesh. They are really going to operate.

How does Barney let himself get me into jams like this?

All right, everybody! Clear the decks! Dr. Sliprock has arrived!

Where is this Mr. Rubble? The patient with the 312 degree temperature.

They're all waiting for you in the operating room down the hall, doctor.

Three hundred and twelve degrees.

Boy, that's a hot one. [laughing]

Poor Barney, it's all my fault for wanting to go to the ball game.

I can't let them do this to my little pal.

Barney would never forgive me. [Sliprock] Hey, you, intern.

Huh? Who me? Who else?

Where is the operating room? [stammering] Uh, the operating room.

Are you Dr. Sliprock?

Well, I ain't the Viennese delegation to the U.N.

Is everything ready for the operation on this Rubble guy?

Uh...

Yeah. Yeah, just follow me, doc.

[laughing]

Maybe we'd better have a look at you, too.

That's an awful big pot you have there.

Right through this door, doc. I'll see you later.

Better let me give you something for that stomach.

Now to help Barney.

Hmm. It's kind of dark in here.

But I guess that's the way they work in this country.

The patient is getting nervous. We'd better start without Dr. Sliprock.

[stammering] I don't think he's coming.

Can I leave and come back tomorrow?

[imitating Dr. Sliprock] Hold everything. Especially the operation.

The great Dr. Sliprock will now start.

Everybody stand back. Out of the way, you amateurs.

Give me some elbowroom here.

Oh, hiya, Fred. [in normal voice] Quiet, you numbskull.

You know the patient, doctor?

[Fred imitating Dr. Sliprock] Well, naturally.

Us doctors, we got to keep track of all the diseases.

Und, I've had my eye on this one for a long, long time.

Make it look good. Give me some ouches and ooches, and I'll get you out.

Uh, right, Fred, but don't make it look too good.

Und now I start.

Uh... Mm...

Scalpel? [nurse] Scalpel.

What's that?

[nurse] The scalpel, Dr. Sliprock. Never touch them.

Give me a monkey wrench, stat. A monkey wrench?

Yeah, a monkey wrench. What's the matter? You flunk medical school?

Okay, you're the specialist.

Dr. Sliprock has very unusual techniques.

Yeah. That's how it is with geniuses.

[in normal voice] Remember, Barney, a couple of oohs and ouches.

[bones crunching] [Barney] Oh! Ouch!

[grunting and groaning]

I feel so much better knowing they have a specialist for Barney.

He's in good hands, Betty.

The nurse said Dr. Sliprock is one of the best.

Oh, poor Barney. [sniffles]

Taking it all so calmly just as if he were only going to a ball game.

[imitating Dr. Sliprock] There you are, Mr. Rubble. All cured.

How do you feel?

Oh, I feel fine, doc, but my nose feels awful.

Simply a post-operation reaction.

I better take you home now and present you with the bill.

Absolutely amazing.

Applies a wrench to the patient and cures him in two minutes.

Yeah, and even escorts him home to collect his fee.

Uh, good day, gentlemen. I'll, uh, see you in the medical journals.

[in normal voice] Get going, Barney, right out the front door.

Fred! Barney, you're all cured.

Fred, where are you going? No time to explain now, Wilma.

We'll tell you all about it when we get home.

And you mean to say you went through all that trouble to see a ball game?

Fred Flintstone, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Yeah, I know, but it wasn't just any ball game. It was a double-header.

[phone ringing]

[Betty] Hello?

[Mr. Pebble speaking indistinctly] Oh, Mr. Pebble.

Barney? Well, he seems okay, all except his nose.

[giggling] Mm-hm. Uh... [Mr. Pebble speaking indistinctly]

Oh. Yes. Oh, sure, I'll tell him, Mr. Pebble. Goodbye.

That was Mr. Pebble, your boss.

And he has a message for you, Barney. Well? Well, what did he say?

Well, it seems that double-header you tried so hard to see is tonight, and he had two extra tickets that he wanted to give you, but you got sick, so he gave them away.

Oh, no!

Well, it looks like you outsmarted yourself again, Fred.

Congratulations.

Hey, we still got time to make the game, Barney.

How about it, girls? Can we go?

Well, what do you think, Betty? Sure. [giggling]

If they take us.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Come on, girls. The brontosaurus burgers are on me.

Believe me, Wilma, I've learned my lesson. No more playing hooky for me.

Promises, promises, Fred. All you do is make promises.

But this one, Wilma, I'm going to keep.

[chuckling]

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!