02x20 - Feudin' and Fussin'

[bunniefuu]

[crashing and thudding]

[Wilma] Fred, what are you doing?

Everything I was foolish enough to borrow from Barney, I am returning.

I don't wanna be indebted to him for anything.

[Barney] If I know Fred, he'll never apologize.

And I have a feeling he will before I finish these Rock Isle socks.

[Fred] Hey, Barney.

Betty, he's back to apologize. The feud's over.

See? I told you.

[Barney] Coming, Fred.

[door opens]

Hiya, Fred.

[crashing]

Did you get the license of that truck?

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

Morning, Wilma. [Wilma] Morning, Betty.

What are you up to this bright Saturday morning?

Some chocolate chip dinosaur cookies.

Mm! Those are my favorite kind.

You'll have to get in line, Betty. They're Fred's favorite too.

Oh, they look just delicious, Wilma.

By the way, where is Fred?

Shh. Fred's in there napping, trying to relax away the tensions.

Today's the playoff for the lodge golf semifinals or something in Fred's division.

Oh, how's Fred doing? Improving?

Last month, he broke 70.

Strokes?

Clubs. You know Fred's temper, Betty.

[Fred] Thank you, thank you. [snoring]

Thank you.

Sounds like he's in a happy mood now.

Yeah. I'd better take a look and see if he's all right.

[Fred] I shall cherish this lovely trophy, Mr. Chairman. [snoring]

Friends, fellow lodge members, athletes, until my dying day, I'll... [snoring]

He's dreaming that he won the golf match.

My opponent for this match, Charlie Pumicestone, put up a good fight and was ahead for a while, but as the hula dancer said, "It's how you wind up that counts."

[laughing, then snoring]

[giggles]

He even dreams corny.

Come on. Let's let him relax until the time comes to face reality.

[snoring continues]

His eyes may be asleep, but his nose is wide awake.

Fred sure can snore up a storm, Wilma. [giggles]

I've got to wake him in time for his match. What time is it now?

Oh, let's see. It's a quarter to... [Barney] Fore!

Oh, dear. I didn't know it was that late.

Oh, it isn't that late.

That's Barney out there, trying to improve his game so he can play with Fred.

Fore!

Fore!

Fore!

Uh-oh.

There must be an easier way to do this.

Well, he's using his head. We can say that for him.

They sure are great buddies, our husbands.

Mm. Barney says, "When they made Fred, they threw away the mold."

Wise move.

The world isn't ready for more than one Fred Flintstone.

At least not yet.

"How to play golf." Uh, let me see.

Ah, yes, here we are.

"Hit ball where it lies.

Do not move ball or you will lose a stroke."

Hit ball where it lies? Yeah, I know that.

Now, let's see here. Even if it's wedged between two trees?

"Yep. Even if it is wedged between two trees."

Hey, I better use my number 11 for this shot.

Looks like a real tough one.

Fore!

[snoring]

Hm. Another tough shot. Guess I'll use the same club.

Fore!

Fore!

Barney.

You're not supposed to move it, Fred. Now it's under the bed.

Are you out of your mind?

Sorry, Fred. I gotta play it by the book.

Barney! Yeah, Fred? Did you say something, Fred?

Hello, Barney. Hello, Wilma.

Fred, better get up, or you'll be late for your golf...

Where did Fred go, Barney?

Well, he was right here in bed a minute ago, then poof! He vanished.

Well, back to my golf game.

Uh, let's see, now, head down, left arm straight, swing the club head back smooth and slow, then pause.

Don't you know it ain't... safe to practice golf indoors?

Somebody might get hurt. [groans]

Fred! Fred! Open your eyes. Say something. Anything.

I'll say something.

You should be declared a disaster area.

This is gonna be one of those days. I can feel it in my skull.

I thought you'd gone to play your golf match.

I'm going now. I'm due to tee off, oh, boy, ten minutes ago.

You better hurry, Fred, or you'll never make it.

Yeah. So long, Barney. Hope that car of mine will start okay.

[Barney] Fred. Fred! Hold it, Fred. Hold it!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is it?

Good luck, Fred. Oh, brother.

[sneezing]

[Barney] Fred. Fred? Fred! Now what?

Gesundheit, Fred.

What's the matter with you? Now I am really late for the tee off!

[phone ringing]

I'd better answer it.

Hello? Who?

Charlie Pumicestone? Oh, yeah, Charlie. Oh?

Right, Charlie. I'll tell him.

Fred! Fred! Wait! Wait!

Barney, cut that stuff out! I got a golf match to play.

[Barney] Fred, stop! No time for that. Go home, Barney.

Fred, listen to me. It's about the golf game.

I know. You already wished me luck, and my cold is all better too.

But you don't understand, Fred.

Get lost, Barney. I'm late.

Boy, can that guy be a pest!

Hey, slow down, Fred.

[tires screech]

Fred! [Fred] Okay, what?

I... You... He... Huh...

[stammering] Wait till I catch my breath.

You do that, Barney. I'll tee off in the meantime.

Maybe I'll catch up with Charlie.

That's what I wanted to tell you, Fred.

Charlie called, and he said he couldn't make it today.

All right, so he couldn't make it. Fore!

Sounded like you said Charlie couldn't make it.

That was the phone call at the house. Pumice said he'll play you next week.

Now he tells me. I tried to tell you before.

Excuses, excuses. Always excuses.

Fred, I'm sorry, but I tried to tell you.

Okay, so you did.

You're not responsible for the things you do.

I guess it's because you're, uh...

Absent-minded?

Unthinking?

Stupid?

Silly?

Back up, you just passed it.

Oh, uh, stupid?

Hey, that's not very nice, is it?

Say you're sorry. Okay, I'm sorry you're stupid.

I'll see you later, Fred.

Didn't sound like much of an apology, somehow.

[Fred] Got the table all set for our bridge game, Wilma.

You almost through with the dishes?

[Wilma] All through, Fred. Be right in.

Just can't wait till they invent the faucet.

Okay. Deal. The Rubbles aren't here yet.

And probably won't come. Deal.

What do you mean, won't come?

Betty and Barney know it's our weekly bridge game.

You hurt Barney's feelings.

I hurt Barney's feelings? Yes. This afternoon. Deal.

We'll play two-handed tonight. Hold it! Hold it! Who said so?

I got the story from Betty who got it from Barney. Deal!

Everybody's got the story but me.

What is this thing I'm supposed to have done to Barney?

Insulted him.

I always insult Barney. He's my best friend.

Fella don't insult strangers.

But today you went too far, chewing him out for that Charlie Pumicestone game that was called off, calling him stupid.

But Barney knows I didn't mean what I said.

How does Barney know you don't mean it?

Because... Because he knows I'm me.

Maybe he'd know for sure if you told him.

You mean apologize? Oh, I said a nasty word.

If that's what Barney wants, okay.

You mean you will apologize?

What's with the big amazement?

When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. And I'm big enough to admit it.

Oh, Fred, I always wanted to hear you say that, and it finally happened.

This is going to make Barney very happy, and me too, Fred.

Fine. Call him up and tell him. Huh?

That I'm sorry, and for him to get over here on the double and stop holding up our game.

You insulted him. You tell him.

Me? What's the difference who tells him?

All the difference in the world.

Oh, all right, uh, I'll call him on the phone. Uh...

What's his number?

Fred. Yeah?

Live, in person!

[groans] I wish there was something else we men could marry.

Barney? Yeah, Betty?

This should show Mr. Flintstone that some people just refuse to be pushed around.

Yeah, I got feelings. I'm a people.

Pride is more important than fun, bowling together, bridge together.

And I'm sure Fred's sorry.

Come on, let's go. We're holding up the game.

Barney.

Yes, Betty?

Barney Rubble, are you a man or a mouse?

Oh, that's a silly question.

[squeaking]

Oh, brother.

I don't want Fred to be sore at me for holding up the game.

Better that than lose his respect.

And you'll never have it from Fred unless you refuse to be treated like a nothing.

Right. Fred apologizes or...

[knocking on door]

[Betty] Who's there? It's me. Fred.

It's Fred, Betty. It's Fred. Hiya, Fred. Start dealing.

[Betty] Barney.

You're not exactly playing hard to get.

Now, sit down and act nonchalant.

The door's open, Mr. Flintstone.

Hi, Barn. Hi.

[Fred] Barney? Yeah?

I'm sorry, Barney. Now come on. You're holding up the bridge game.

Coming, Fred.

[Betty] Barney.

Fred said he was sorry, Betty. Sorry for what, Fred?

You know. This afternoon's stuff. Come on. The cards are all dealt.

You don't sound like it, does he, Barney?

Uh... no. [Fred] Like what I don't sound?

Yeah, like what he don't sound?

[Betty] Like you're really sorry, Fred.

Yeah. That's it, Fred.

Well, I said I was sorry. What do you want, a speech?

Well, uh, that wouldn't be necessary, Fred.

Hear ye! Hear ye! I, Fred Flintstone, hereby confess that I am sorry I lit into my neighbor Barney Rubble for the stupid things he did.

There you go again.

Well, Mr. Flintstone? Well, what?

[Betty] Don't you think you should apologize?

Sorry, I'm cutting down. Only one apology to a customer!

[door slams]

Fred just can't say the words, Betty. He's got, like, uh... pride.

And so do you, Barney.

If Fred is worthy of your friendship, he'll apologize from his heart, not just from his mouth.

[crashing and thudding]

[Wilma] Fred, what are you doing?

Everything I was foolish enough to borrow from Barney, I am returning.

I don't wanna be indebted to him for anything.

Aren't you being pigheaded? The way I understand it...

[Fred] You're supposed to be my wife. You are supposed to understand it my way.

Wouldn't it be easier just to forget the whole thing and bury the hatchet?

Barney already buried it right where it hurts.

[Barney] If I know Fred, he'll never apologize.

And I have a feeling he will before I finish these Rock Isle socks.

[Fred] Hey, Barney.

Betty, he's back to apologize. The feud's over.

See? I told you.

Coming, Fred.

[door opens]

Hiya, Fred.

[crashing]

Did you get the license of that truck?

It's six days, and Fred, uh, hasn't said a word to me.

Oh, he wouldn't hold out much longer.

I've got a feeling he'll apologize real soon.

I kind of miss him talking to me, even if it's only an insult.

You just hold out, Barney.

He's got to learn that people have feelings.

It used to be nice riding in together and daily gin rummy games.

He still has those.

[Barney] With who? [Betty] With who?

With who? With his greatest admirer, himself.

Take a look in the window.

[Fred] Boy, what a hand! Looks like I got you.

Yep, my friend, this does it. Gin! Ha-ha-ha!

That's the third hand he's won in a row.

So, what kind of winning is that? Beating yourself?

For Fred, winning is all that counts.

Nine days. Guess Fred was right.

He can get along without his former best friend.

He'll give in, Barney, eventually.

Yeah. He can golf alone, swim alone, but our favorite sport, badminton, he can't play that alone!

Well, it ain't easy, but come over here and take a look.

All set, pal.

Nice shot, Flintstone.

A beauty, Freddie-boy!

Good one, boy!

Yabba-dabba-doo!

You win again, Flintstone!

Have a nice game, dear?

[panting and mumbling indistinctly]

[Wilma] Too wonderful for words, eh?

You wouldn't have to go through all this if you'd just tell Barney.

If anybody is gonna apologize, it's gonna be that stubborn old...

I can hold out as long as him. Longer.

You're sure this is the way you want it, Barney?

I'm not living next door to somebody as unfriendly as, if you'll pardon the expression, Fred Flintstone!

But, Barney, maybe... No maybe ifs.

Hello? Quickstone Real Estate Company?

Right, sir. Sam Quickstone talking.

What, sir? You want to sell your house?

Yes, sir, Mr. Rubble, we sell faster and for more money too.

Be at your place pronto.

He'll be right here to look the place over.

[thudding]

You sure got here fast.

In real estate racket, you can't let grass grow beneath your feet.

Hm. There's a joke in there somewhere.

Oh, well, shall we have a glance at this little gem of a home?

[Betty] This way, Mr. Quickstone. Oh, yes, yes. Thank you.

Modern, modern, very modern. Wall-to-wall grass.

How's the real estate market now, Mr. Quickstone?

Way, way up, if you're buying.

If you're selling, you take an awful beating.

We're very anxious to get out fast. You see, my neighbor Fred...

Uh, the gentleman isn't interested in our troubles, Barney.

Um, what do you think we can get for this house?

Well, we'll ask for a firm $10,000.

$10,000? $10,000?

And sell for a firm $5,000. [Betty and Barney gasp]

Unless they won't go any higher than $3,000.

Firm? Firm?

Like the Rock of Gibraltar.

[tires screech]

Howdy, folks.

Just happened to be driving past your spread here, and I saw the "For Sale" sign.

What are you asking for the place?

We thought about a firm... $20,000.

But you said... It's cheap at that price. Dirt cheap.

Just wander through this gorgeous Texas-type plantation, sir.

Feast your eyes on its decor, done in early Alamo.

Just the kind of spread I've been looking for.

Something cozy. Just sold my place in Dallas, rambling farmhouse.

Too big, huh?

Rambled too far. Clear to Houston.

I'll just mosey on through, if you all don't mind. [laughing]

Ah! Don't we Texans talk funny?

Oh, my. He's a cinch to buy the place. At $20,000?

Rich Texans like to overpay.

But how do you know he's rich?

Everybody in Texas is rich, Barney.

It's some kind of Texas law.

Nice. Mighty nice.

[Quickstone] And it's a real bargain at $10,000.

Uh, one thing bothers me, though.

[Quickstone] A steal at $8,000.

The roof, does it leak? Only when it rains.

$7,000 will take it.

Take your husband out of here before he nixes this deal.

Let's go for a walk, dear, and leave this boring matter of money to Mr. Quickstone.

I think he's really interested in buying.

Yeah. I guess so. I'm gonna miss Fred, Betty.

I'll miss Wilma too, Barney.

Yeah, we'll just drift apart and never see each other again.

You haven't touched your lunch, Fred. I'm not hungry.

You can't live without eating. What's so great about living?

Oh. You really miss Barney, don't you?

Do I act like I can't get along without Barney?

Yes. Well, I can.

And let's not keep harping on the subject.

Sure, dear, sure.

Oh, while I fix the coffee, I thought you'd like to look over this old album I found. Just for laughs.

Where did you find this old relic? In the cellar.

Oh, Fred.

Isn't that a picture of you and Barney taken a long, long time ago?

[Fred] Yeah, his mother used to walk us both to the park. [sniffles]

How sad you've drifted apart. Two men who were friends from boyhood.

Look, Wilma, our old Scout picture.

We were together always.

And this one, Fred.

[Fred] Yeah, that's Barney during the w*r, taking me to the camp hospital when I fell off the desk.

Not one of your best pictures, Fred.

You can't smile when you're wounded with a paper clip in your foot.

What a shame this beautiful friendship ended because Barney is a stubborn old goat.

Don't say that about my pal. Barney's tops.

Why don't you tell Barney that, Fred? I will, and right now.

Yessiree, sir. $4,000 is mighty cheap for this lovely abode.

[Fred] Barney! Barney, where are you, pal?

Mr. and Mrs. Rubble have gone out.

Oh, thanks. I'm Fred Flintstone, Mr. Rubble's neighbor.

Yes. Well, as I was saying, you couldn't buy a nicer house than this, Mr. Yippeiorock.

Did I hear that somebody's buying this house?

Well, sir, I haven't made up my mind completely.

My best friend Barney, selling his house because of me.

Say, maybe that Texan won't buy the house.

No, the look in his eye, that's a house-buying look.

Now think, Flintstone, think.

How do you convince a guy not to buy a house?

I got it! Good thinking, Flintstone.

Yeah! The bad neighbor policy.

I'll sign for the place, sir.

I was a bit wary about buying it till I met that Fred Flintstone.

Sounds like a real fine-type neighbor.

Real nice. Yes, real nice.

Just chip right here on the dotted line. I'll fill in the details later.

[drum banging]

What's that?

Sounds like a stampeding herd of longhorn Texas water buffalo.

[cymbals crashing]

Probably lightning and thunder, sir. Sign.

Thunder? With a beat?

[Fred] Howdy, neighbor. Just practicing up.

I'm a member of the Bedrock Fife and Drum Corps.

You don't bang those every afternoon, do you?

No, no. Most of the time I practice at night.

All night, while my neighbors are sleeping.

[laughing] Or trying to.

I see. Freeze right where you are. I gotta get something out of my car.

[footsteps, then door opens]

[playing]

I played in the longhorn band back home.

If I practice day and night, maybe I can join your group here, friend and neighbor-to-be.

Oh, boy.

Good. Sign right here, sir.

Wasn't sure about buying till I found out that Flintstone and me have something in common, a love for music.

[knocking on door]

Good afternoon. I'm with the freeway commission.

You know, putting in new roads to speed up traffic.

You the owner of this property? Well, he was about to buy.

You mean, traffic might be coming close to this house?

Uh-huh.

Uh, how close?

[Fred] Shouldn't trouble you too much, sir.

Of course, it might be a bother, opening and closing the front and back doors all day and night.

Opening and closing the doors? For the cars.

The freeway is going right through about here.

Through the house? Somebody's making an awful mistake.

You're so right.

Any poor sap who's thinking of buying this joint.

It's just a gag, sir. They don't put freeways right through houses.

[horn honking]

Just making a dry run in advance to check the route.

Of course you realize we'll have to widen the front and back door for two-way traffic, you understand?

I'm not buying any house with a road going through the middle.

Not even for $1,000!

Well, we'll take into consideration the slight inconvenience.

How about $500?

Looks like he changed his mind about buying, Mr. Quickstone.

And I did about handling the deal.

You didn't tell me a freeway was going through your house!

Goodbye.

A freeway? A freeway?

[laughing]

A freeway! And he fell for it! [laughing]

Fred! What are you doing with that kooky outfit on?

You cooked up that freeway story, Fred?

So as we couldn't sell the house? Why, Fred? What did you do that for?

Because I didn't want you to move.

Not my best friend, bosom buddy, and constant companion whom I almost lost because I have been a stupid, nutsy dope.

You're only saying that because it's true, but I never expected to hear it from you!

Well, I never thought I'd hear Fred Flintstone say those words, admit everything!

I never thought I'd hear it.

Well, I got a great, big, fat surprise for all of you.

[laughing]

Neither did I.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!