02x19 - Wilma's Vanishing Money

[bunniefuu]

Oh, uh, clerk. [man] Oh, it's you again.

I, uh, sort of changed my mind.

Your what? [Fred] My mind.

Oh, that.

So I brought the bowling ball back.

You see...

I know, you'd like to exchange it for brown.

No, no, no. I wanna return it and get my money back.

Your money back?

[Barney] You said it was on a money-back guarantee.

I did? [Fred] Yes, you did.

Well, bite my tongue!

What's wrong with the ball?

Uh... my fingers won't fit the holes.

They might if you washed them.

Now what kind of a crack was that? Look, we just want our money back, that's all.

All right, all right, don't get ugly.

Here's your money... cheapskate!

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

[humming]

Hi, Mrs. Flintstone. Good morning, Arnold.

Can I watch your television? I wanna see The Rock Ruff Private Eye Show.

But that's an awful show. I thought they took it off the air.

No. At the last minute, they decided to make it an hour long, instead.

Well, how does the table look, Arnold?

Very nice, Mrs. Flintstone.

In fact, it's too good for old Jelly Belly.

Now, Arnold, you mustn't use names like that.

Breakfast is ready, Jelly Belly. Uh, I mean, Fred.

Oh, dear.

[Arnold] Can I watch the TV, Mrs. Flintstone, huh? Can I?

Mm. All right, Arnold, but keep the sound down.

Until Mr. Flintstone has his coffee, he's cross as a bear.

Check, Mrs. Flintstone. Will do.

[Fred groaning and growling]

[Wilma] Good morning, Fred. [yawns]

[groaning continues]

Okay. Sit down.

There. That's fine.

There's your coffee, dear. [grumbling]

[Fred] Thanks. [Wilma] Oh, Fred, not that.

Here it is. [Fred mumbling indistinctly]

That's right, Fred.

You'll feel better after you've had your coffee.

[gulping]

I'm fixing your egg, dear. [Fred] Give me two. I'm hungry.

[Wilma] Sorry. There's no toast, Fred. The toaster's broken.

[sirens wailing and g*ns firing on TV]

Now, Arnold, I told you to keep the noise down.

[Arnold] Yes, Mrs. Flintstone.

Arnold, just what do you think you're doing?

Watching TV.

[Fred] Well, shut that racket off and get out of here!

Yes, Mr. Flintstone.

Why is that kid always hanging around here? Why can't he play outside on the freeway?

Good morning, folks.

[Fred] Hi, Barney. [Wilma] Good morning, Barney.

Hi, Wilma. Betty was asking if, uh, you're ready to go.

[Wilma] I'm just leaving.

Oh, Fred, could I have my money for next week?

Next week? I gave you that last week.

But this week was next week last week, so all you gave me was this week's.

So I need next week's.

[Fred] Uh, let me see if I got this straight.

You got next week's last week, so this week is next week this week and not last week... [groans]

How much do you need?

That will do fine.

Goodbye, boys.

Very neat. Very neat indeed.

[Fred] Come on in, Barney. Sure, Fred.

I should have guessed.

Flowers on the table, eggs for breakfast. It always spells stickup.

Does Betty clean you out like that, Barney?

Uh, yeah, but she's very fair.

On herself, she spends only a fraction of what I make, nine-tenths.

[Fred] Ha, yeah.

Have some breakfast, if you don't mind eating with a poverty-stricken man.

Well, uh, just some toast.

The toaster's on the fritz, but I think I can fix it if I can find a hairpin.

Hairpin? Why look at me, Fred?

[laughing]

I'll, uh, get one in the bedroom.

Sounds like a logical place to look, Fred.

There's a big sale at the dress shop too.

Not for me. I'm getting only things I really need, so I can save up for Fred's birthday present.

What are you gonna get him?

That new bowling ball he's been talking about.

It costs $49.98, and I've got almost that much put away.

Wilma, I don't know how you do it.

I don't know how Wilma does it.

She can tell every time I got an extra buck.

Uh, shall I get a hairpin from Betty?

No, no. There's bound to be some here.

Blouses, stockings, scarves, money, slips, hankies...

Money!

Look at this! She said she was broke, and she's loaded.

Gee, Fred, that roll is big enough to choke a brontosaurus.

She's been giving you the old business. What business?

The same old story. She asks for 10, spends five, the other five:

Whoosh. Right into the vault. Happens every time.

When women get married, they promise to honor and obey, but there's nothing said about keeping an honest set of books.

Well, let me tell you something, Barn. She's not going to get away with it.

I'm gonna strike back. I will show her.

You won't fix the toaster? I mean, she needs a lesson.

I've been denying myself things, but no more.

I'm gonna get that bowling ball I've been wanting.

What will Wilma say?

Nothing, because she can't ever admit she had the money.

[laughs] It's perfect.

I get a free bowling ball, and she pays the freight.

Boy, will I teach her a lesson.

Oh, yes. Let's see now. Bowling balls.

Oh, yes. Here it is, our bestseller, and it's marked down.

Black, huh?

Does it come in brown?

In brown.

You did say brown, didn't you? Yes.

In brown.

What do you think, Barney? Gee, uh, I don't know, Fred.

You're right. Black was better. In black?

In black.

The first one was blacker. This is the first one.

What do you think, Barney?

Well, uh, come to think of it, uh, brown wasn't bad.

No. No, it wasn't.

Maybe you'd rather have it in baby blue to go with your eyes.

[Barney] How come these are marked down?

They've been slightly used in tournament play.

[Fred] What shape is this ball in?

Generally speaking, round.

What could I get that's a little more catchy?

I know. How about the measles?

"How about the measles?" What is with this guy?

Look, cut out the comedy. I wanna be treated like a customer.

All right, but you won't like it.

Let me see the best one you've got.

You sure you can afford it? [Fred] Afford it? [chuckles]

Barney, he wants to know if I can afford it.

[both laughing]

Look, I'm too busy for games.

[laughing continues]

[Fred] Does this look like play money?

Right here, sir. The best in the house and a money back guarantee.

I'll take it. I'll take it.

Yabba-dabba-dabba, Yabba-dabba-dabba, Yabba-dabba-dabba-dabba-doo.

[yelps]

Oh, Fred, the most terrible thing happened.

We've been robbed. [Fred] Robbed?

That's right. Robbed. S-T-O-L-E-N. Robbed.

Forty-five smackeroos gone.

I've been saving it up for months to buy a present for you.

[Fred] A present? Next week's your birthday.

And I wanted to get you a new bowling ball.

It is...

[stammering] I mean, you were...

Oh, boy.

Your wife said you were here after she left.

Yeah, that's right, but nothing happened.

I just stepped out to the grocery store to, uh, get some pumpernickel.

Here, Barney, hold the pumpernickel.

Sure, Fred.

[yelping] Yow!

[stammering]

Very heavy crust. [laughs]

A very baffling case, but we'll do our best to find the crook.

Now, uh, let's not get excited, Wilma. Are you sure you didn't misplace the money?

That could happen. She's done that before.

Leaves money all over the place, doesn't she?

Uh, she does? Oh! Oh, she does.

But I'm sure it was stolen.

You know how women are, officer. It will probably turn up.

You can forget the whole thing.

But I can't. I wrote it down in ink.

[Wilma] Oh, Fred, this is terrible.

Now, don't be upset, honey.

I tell you, the money will turn up.

You think so?

[Fred] Oh, it probably wasn't stolen at all.

Oh, yes, it was.

[Fred] I thought I told you to get out of here.

I've taken over the case. You have what?

You're lucky. I know all about these things from the private eye shows on TV.

You're gonna have a private eye in eight shades of black.

[Wilma] Now, Fred, the boy is just trying to help.

I found a clue as to the person who took it.

You have?

He was wearing a goatskin suit.

So what? Lots of people wear goatskin suits.

With coffee stains?

Well, uh, who says goats can't drink coffee?

And scrambled eggs?

Dun-dun-dun-dun.

You keep out of this, Barney.

What's that?

[Wilma] Just a loaf of pumpernickel Fred brought home.

What's it doing on the floor? How would you like to join it?

Now, Fred, please.

I'd just like to know what he's trying to prove!

That's a good question.

Wilma, this kid has got to go, and preferably in many tiny pieces.

Give me that pumpernickel. I'll take it in the kitchen.

How about that, Barney?

She was saving that money to buy a present for me.

Women. You just can't trust them.

I guess there's only one thing to do.

Volunteer as an astronaut?

No. I'll just tell her what happened.

I was looking through the dresser for a hairpin to fix the toaster, saw her money, and took it.

Being an astronaut is safer.

Look, Barney, Wilma is intelligent. I'll tell her everything.

She'll listen quietly, and maybe we'll both have a little laugh over the whole thing.

I don't know.

She'll appreciate me telling the truth, Barney.

Remember that little boy who chopped down the cherry tree?

And then, when his father asked who did it, he said, "I cannot tell a lie. I did it."

Then, what happened? Nothing.

He had told the truth, and his father didn't do a thing to him. Not a thing.

Well, how could he? The kid was holding a hatchet at the time.

Oh, Barney.

If this happened to you, wouldn't you tell your wife?

Well, sure, except for one thing. What's that?

Fear.

Wilma, I'd like to tell you something.

Oh, that terrible, awful man. Who?

Anyone who would take a woman's money that she'd scrimped and saved for.

Yeah, but... A person like that's not fit to live.

Now, honey, calm yourself. sh**ting's too good for him.

I hope they catch him.

I'd like to get my hands on him. I'd show him!

[stammering] What was it you wanted to tell me?

[stammering] Well, I...

What is it? Uh... uh...

I hope they catch that awful crook, too!

Hi, Fred. Did you explain to Wilma?

I couldn't do it.

I just couldn't tell her, Barney.

Well, don't feel bad. The life you saved may have been your own.

But what are we gonna do now? Well, maybe it'll blow over.

She'll forget after a while. [chuckles] You know women.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe so.

Uh-oh. Here comes Arnold.

What now, Sherlock?

I've been looking at the windows. No sign of forceful entry.

So what?

And nothing else in the room was disturbed.

The thief knew right where to go. So what?

[Arnold] So, it must be someone who has been in the house before and often.

Uh, go ahead, Fred. Say, "So what?"

There's one break.

Those were new bills.

We can get the serial numbers and have the stores alerted to watch for anyone spending them.

I'm gonna check on that right now.

Did you ever have the feeling that you were walking up the gangplank, and there wasn't any ship?

But you know the kid's clever, very clever and, uh, smart too.

Will you quit it?

This proves that TV is very educational.

Who would have thought to look for the serial numbers?

Hey, wait a minute. That's it! That's it! Why didn't I think of it before?

It was right there all the time.

I got the perfect answer.

Hari-kari?

Wilma's upset because the money's gone.

The police are upset because the money's gone.

Arnold's nosing around because the money's gone.

So, what do I do?

I still can't improve on hari-kari.

No, no, no.

I just return the money.

We take back the bowling ball, get the 45 clams, slip it into another part of the drawer, and the problem is solved.

Yeah. That might do it.

Oh, Fred Flintstone, you are thinking every minute.

You've got to admit, I got what it takes right here.

Oh, clerk. Oh, it's you again.

I, uh, sort of changed my mind.

Your what? [Fred] My mind.

Oh, that.

So I brought the bowling ball back. You see...

I know. You'd like to exchange it for brown.

No, no, no. I want to return it and get my money back.

Your money back?

[Barney] You said it was on a money back guarantee.

I did? [Fred] Yes, you did.

[squeals] Bite my tongue!

What's wrong with the ball?

Uh... my fingers won't fit the holes.

They might if you washed them.

Now, what kind of a crack was that? Look, we just want our money back, that's all.

All right, all right. Don't get ugly.

Here's your money, cheapskate.

Hey, Fred, open up. Shh!

What's the matter? Aren't we going bowling?

Sure, but Wilma's asleep.

She went to bed early. All the excitement, I guess.

Did you put the money back? I'm gonna do it right now.

I wanted her to fall fast asleep. It will only take a second.

Good night, Fred. Good night, dear.

Huh? You're awake!

Yes, I am, Santa Claus.

Now look, honey, give me a chance to explain.

I thought you'd try something like this.

So you know, huh?

Yes, Fred.

Wilma, I can't tell you how sorry I am. Can you forgive me?

Forgive you?

I think it's the sweetest thing you've ever done in your life.

You mean, you don't...? That is...

You're the most wonderful husband in the world, putting back your own money to make up for my carelessness.

Look, honey, I gotta tell you something.

You weren't robbed. I took the money.

Now, why would you do that?

Well, I just happened to come in. I needed a hairpin.

To put up your hair? No. For the toaster.

You look so cute when you're making up a story.

You've made me very happy, Fred, being so considerate.

But I won't let you do it. This money is yours.

As for that awful man, I just can't wait till I catch him.

And when I lay my hands on him, you just watch me.

I want you to be there to see it. I will be. I will be. [groans]

Watch, Fred.

I'll show you my new sure shot strike ball.

Yeah. Yeah.

[Barney] Yabba-dabba-doo!

Okay, Fred. Your turn. Huh?

I got a strike, Fred. Your turn.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Hey, you're facing the wrong way, Fred. Turn around.

What?

Oh, sure. Yeah. Where's my bowling ball?

In your hand!

Oh, yeah.

Well, here goes.

We better quit, Fred. Your mind's not on the game.

Oh, you are so right. That kid Arnold playing detective has got me worried.

I keep seeing me doing 20 years on the rock pile for stealing my own money.

Come on. Let's go.

If you only could get it back to her somehow.

Yeah, but how?

The car's in the back, Fred. We can cut up the alley.

Of all the time for Wilma to refuse to take money from me.

Uh, gentlemen, now, if you'll stop right there and hold up your hands, please.

Barney. Yes, Fred?

It's a stickup.

Wait a minute.

That's it! This guy's a burglar.

Barney, this ain't What's My Line?

He's just the fellow we want.

I am wanted by a lot of people.

Fred, he could put it back for you.

Put what back?

Oh, yeah, yeah! Say, he could.

Uh, fellas, can we get back to business? It's getting late.

I'd like to close up shop, huh?

Say, pal, how would you like to make a couple of bucks the easy way?

Look, I apologize for having a one-track mind, but couldn't we finish the stickup first and talk business later?

Nope. I want you to break into a house, leave money there and leave.

You want me to put money in the house?

What are you trying to do, revolutionize my business?

Uh, this is kind of special.

But how can I face my family?

What would the boys downtown say?

[Barney] We wouldn't squeal.

All you have to do is break into the bedroom, put the money in the drawer with this note, saying you're sorry you took it.

But I didn't take it.

That would be like telling a fib.

Here's 10 bucks for your trouble, and here's my address.

Now tomorrow night at 11:00, I'll make sure the house is empty.

Okay, tomorrow, 11:00.

And you live at...

Hey, wait a minute. [Fred] What's the matter?

This is all the way across town.

I get car fare too, you know.

[Fred] Okay, here.

Thank you. Uh, thanks a lot.

I think drive-ins are fun.

Weren't those love scenes terrific? Yeah, and the movie wasn't bad, either.

Say, uh, anybody got the time?

It's 10:30, Fred.

What time did you say?

10:30.

[Betty] What's the matter, Fred?

[Fred] Oh, nothing. I just had an idea.

Let's go to the movies.

But we just came from the movies. [Fred] It was a good picture, right?

So? So it's worth seeing again.

[Wilma] Come on, Fred, stop clowning. Let's go home.

Uh, why don't we go have dinner in a Chinese restaurant?

Fred, it's bedtime.

In China, it's dinnertime.

[tires screech]

Now what's the matter?

Barney, hop out and change that tire.

[Barney] Right, Fred.

But it's not flat.

[Fred] Never pays to wait until the last minute.

[Barney] Patience, everybody.

Shouldn't take more than half an hour.

What's the matter with those two?

Honestly, Fred, I just don't understand you.

Changing one tire was bad enough, but all four?

There wasn't any reason for that. Believe me, Wilma, there sure was.

Fred, look!

There's a light in our bedroom.

Oh, we probably just forgot to turn it out.

Fred! What is it, dear?

Look!

There's your man. Nabbed him in the act.

[Wilma] You mean, he's the robber? [Arnold] That's right.

Oh, boy.

You're sure he's the one? [Arnold] That's right, ma'am.

He even had the 45 skins on him.

Oh, thank you, Arnold. Now, we'd better call the police.

Now, hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute.

[stammering] Let's talk to him first.

I get it. Sweat out a confession, then we call the cops.

All right, crook. Talk!

[muffled speech]

Take the gag off first. [Arnold] Check.

Hold it! Hold it!

Let me handle this.

Now, just be calm, pal, and I'll get you out of this.

What kind of a double cross...?

This may be tough. You two better go in the next room.

Oh, you awful robber!

You have to be taught a lesson.

You should be ashamed of yourself, stealing, of all things. [groans]

Hold it! Hold it!

What's this? A note.

Listen.

"Dear lady, I am returning your money. I didn't mean to take it. I am sorry.

Forgive me. I did it only to feed my four children."

You mean, you were returning this money?

It could be a trick.

[Fred] Well, let's hear what he has to say.

Well? Is this true?

Would I lie to you?

Did you hear that, Wilma?

Better untie him, Fred.

I did it only for my five starving little tots.

Five? Yeah. I mean, four.

And then, there's Mother and Dad too. Uh, they're in their 90s.

And then, there's my brothers and sisters and...

All right! All right! Knock it off.

I suppose there's something in the poor man's story, Wilma.

Yes, Fred.

After all, he was returning the money.

[Fred] That's right.

Here, my good man.

Here's five, and we'll forget the whole thing.

Five, huh?

Lady, I want you to hear the whole story.

Let's make it 10.

You are so good, so kind.

I thank you.

Not for me, but for the little ones.

Gee, you poor robber.

Here. Make it 15.

Bless you, one and all.

I want you to know this means a lot to me, just to know that there are decent people in this cruel world.

We're grateful, Mabel and I, Gregory and Rock and Irving and Shirley, and John and Marsha, Sue and David, and most of all, little Tiny Tim.

Gosh, Mr. Flintstone.

You're sure a good egg.

Well, I, uh...

After all, I always believe in helping in every way possible.

It's a privilege.

I only wish we could do more for him. We can, Fred, we can.

Hey, just a minute. That dough was for my birthday present.

I know, Fred. Like you said, this is a privilege.

Oh boy. Me and my big mouth.

Here, you poor, unfortunate man.

Wait a minute. Wasn't this money meant for your gift?

That's right.

And she saved it up all by herself?

Yes, yes.

And your birthday's coming up? That's right! That's right!

Well, forgive me for being a sentimental fool.

It's all right.

But happy birthday! So long!

Fred, I know you did the right thing.

This is one birthday you'll never forget.

You're so right, Wilma.

You are so right.

[sobbing]

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!