07x13 - Stone Cold Steve Cold Stone

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Sawing]

[Electricity crackles]

It's alive!

[Thunder crashes]

[Laughs evilly]

[Smooch!]

[Laughs evilly]

James, Sirius, Peter...
the moon is out!

I'm... turning into a werewolf!

Aah! Aaaah!

Don't worry, friend!

We'll transform
into animals with you!

[Howls]

Follow him!

We have to get
somewhere isolated!

Hold on.
Where's James?

Okay. That's it.

Easy, girl...

James!

What the hell are you doing?!

I'm going to f*ck this deer.

You know, when in Rome...

What do you mean,
"When in Rome"?

Like, I wouldn't normally do
shrooms,

but if I went to Burning Man,
of course I'd do shrooms.

This isn't shrooms!

It's bestiality!

No! Bestiality would be if

I were a human f*cking a deer.

But I'm a deer f*cking a deer.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Stop it! Stop it!

That's gross!

Oh, come on.

You've never f*cked a dog?

[Scoffs]
No!

Liar!

Okay, I led him far
into the woods

where he can't hurt anyone.

Peter, you f*ck rats, don't you?

Ew! No!

I mean, when you're a rat.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Gentlemen, are we going
to bone or what?

ALL:
Professor McGonagall?!

The female anatomy
looks like this.

[Children giggling]

Come on, guys.

Let's try to be mature here.

It's pink.

But, Bruce,
there's a party going on!

Sorry, doll,
I need to check on my piano.

I just had it tuned.

[Chords play]

Have you guys seen
Bruce Wayne's piano?!

All right, Joker, you can run,
but you can't hide.

["Chopsticks" plays]

Uh-oh.

And that's just a warm-up.

[Piano playing]

Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

Who is touching my things?!

Unh!

[All cheering]

Stop playing the piano!

Aah! I hate bats!

And yet they motivate me!

I'm so complicated!

Aah!

[Groans]

Mr. Wayne,
what's happening?!

[Both screaming]

And now a little something
from my own album!

[Guests screaming]

Please, I've been
walking since July!

I... I can't get down!

Please!

Why won't anyone help me?

[Both grunting]

Back, beast!

Nothing will stop me from
avenging my family!

[Echoing]
Family... family... family...

[growls]

[Roars]

Whoa, hey!
What the hell...

Aah!

[Guards shouting]

We doing this?

All right, you f*ckers,
come and get it!

Since ,
the "Up" documentary series

has been following the lives
of people every years.

In " Up," Marla was a
precocious little girl

who loved drawing.

In " Up," she was a divorced
mother working as a waitress.

In " up," she d*ed. Alone.

In " up," a group of
scientists stole her brain and

froze it in a
secret government lab.

And now, in " up,"
her brain has been placed

in a m*llitary-grade killdozer
to fight invaders from the

Andromeda galaxy.

Fighting aliens is fun and all,
but I'll always regret never

becoming an artist.

Someone hungry for
a bite of killdozer?!

Aaaaaaaaah!

Take a bite of this juicy apple!

Is it organic?

I'm not sure what you mean.

Was it made with
growth hormones?

I don't think so.

Look, just eat the apple.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I really can't eat this apple
unless I know it's free of

hormones or pesticides.

Oh, that's fair.

Yes, I have the apple's
paperwork right here in my...

Ohh! Ohh!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

MAN: We've crashed into
Dune's Southern desert.

We must get to the rocks.

Only there will we be safe
from the giant sandworms.

They're attracted to the sound
of our footfalls, right?

Yes, but as long as you walk
without rhythm,

you won't attract the worm.

Uh, Jamal, why don't you hang
back and give us a head start?

What?

I can walk without rhythm.

Watch this!

Look at me!
I'm doing it!

Yes, one foot in front
of the other, see?

Just makin' my way...
uh-oh.

Oh, no. Wait.

H-hold on.

[Rumbling]

Aah!

Jamal!

He d*ed.

But, damn,
he looked cool doing it.

Welcome to
"Legends Of The Hidden Temple"!

I'm your host, Kirk Fogg,
and this is Olmec,

guardian of the temple
and its legends.

Hey, there, Kirk.

Olmec and I have been
buddies for a long time,

isn't that right, Olmec?

[Echoing]
Long time...

long time...

long time...

Doba una nabayuma
chuk laka Olmec.

He says that he is showing
you the statue of Olmec,

the all-powerful god of
the Nabayuma people.

He will be perfect for our
children's game show.

Wait. What?

Aah!

[Natives shouting]

All right!
Move, move, move!

Slime them!

Slime them all!

[Natives screaming]

Olmec? Olmec!

I said, what's today's legend?

Uh, oh!

Uh, sorry, Kirk.

Today's legend is...

"The necklace of Marie Curie."

Thank you, Olmec!

[Sobbing]

[Barking]

What's the matter, Lassie?

[Barking]

Nope.

I ain't coming, girl.

I told him a thousand times to
stop playing around that well.

It's dangerous.

He'll have to figure
something out for himself,

f*cking punk kid.

[Whines]

BOY: [in distance]
Lassie! Help!

♪ We are the Chipmunks ♪

NARRATOR:
October , .

Salt Lake City.

Alvin falls onstage.

Word quickly spreads that
he has, in fact, d*ed.

October , .

San Diego.

Alvin is back.

The rumors, it seems,
were false.

But in November, a photograph
from Chipmunks manager

David Seville's
backyard goes viral.

Pressure mounts.

By early December, Seville can
no longer dodge the scrutiny.

I'm surprised nobody called
me out on this earlier.

The Chipmunks have
been touring since .

The average life-span of a
chipmunk is three years.

You can do the math.

Is it true you destroyed
the death certificates?

There are no death certificates.

They are rodents.

Will you surrender the
corpses to authorities

for full autopsies?

Again, they are rodents.

Legally speaking,
I could throw them down a well.

In fact, I accidentally ran
over one of the Simons,

and I simply replaced him with
a new chipmunk from the crate

of spare chipmunks I keep
in the back of my Jeep.

[Reporters groan]

My Jeep smells awful.

["Chopsticks" plays]

Welcome to the Princess Summit,
where we address the complex

political issues
facing our Kingdoms.

Hairstyles!

Talking pets!

Hairstyles for our talking pets!

Crabs!

I've got crabs.

Well, isn't that just, um...

And where's our newest Princess?

Ach! Sorry I'm late!

I k*lled a boar on the way here.

Oh, you're so feminist
and empowered...

Great.

'Ey, wee beastie!

Have we got to grievances yet?

A bunch of wee dwarves are
illegally mining me territory!

Oh, Merida, you have
far bigger problems.

Let me tell you about them.

Not a damn song.

♪ Here's a list of
things to drop ♪

♪ Your accent, bow,
that tangled mop ♪

♪ Fifteen pounds from
off your hips ♪

♪ Those ginger afros
'neath your pits ♪

♪ And no Prince will
want to mingle ♪

♪ With a girl with no
hit single ♪

And your pet's hair
is a disaster.

That's me mother!

She's a bear!

The trailer was very misleading!

I came here lookin' for justice!

Instead, I found treachery.

Prepare yourself... for w*r.

Someone finally said it!

See you on the k*lling fields,
round eyes!

Amen, sister!

Stuck up b*tches.

[Bell tolls]

Ooh, that Merida!

I'll show her!

Send in my w*r council!

[Birds chirping]

What shall I do, little one?

Oh, my.

Okay, okay, I get it, I get it.

We need weapons!

I've got a guy.

Oh! Good idea!

We'll fight them with magic.

Bibbity boppity boo.

That's grand.

Oh, wow.

Do you need thingamabobs?

I've got thingamabobs!

Nobody cares about the dildo
collection you dredged up from

the Atlantic, you fishy bitch.

[Crying]

[Door slams]

Anyone else have cold tits?

All right, ladies!

Show me what you've got!

Hyah! Hyah!

I finally found the perfect
conditioner... blood!

Oh, curse these stubby arms!

You're an alligator.

Be an alligator!

Wait! Don't...

Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, no, no. It was a...
it was a good k*ll.

Not all of us will live to
wish upon a star tonight,

but we give our lives
for a greater good.

Oh, dear.

I think I'm getting sleepy.

I might have to sit
this one out, guys...

Don't you pull that sh*t now!

Just teasing...

Unh!

Bring me the scalp
and/or weave of Snow White!

Charge!

I will show you
a world of death!

Look everyone!

I brought my thingamabob!

My weapons-grade thingamabob!

Oh, you just don't
know what words are.

That's your thing.

[Beeping]

Run away!

Run away!

♪ Bend over and
grab your ankles... ♪

Me mother's...

a bear...

[g*n cocks]

[Ting!]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stupid monkey!