05x14 - Some Like It Hitman

[bunniefuu]

[ Thunder crashing ]

[ Drilling, sawing ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

It's alive!

On three!

Whatever--just aim
for my head.

One! Two!

Wait, "Aim for my head"?

Just do it, already!

Dude, are you okay?

You're the first person
that's bothered to ask.

[ Sobbing ]

All right, students,
spells ready!

Begin! Miss Granger.

Orchideous!

Mr. Potter.
Orchideous!

Mr. Longbottom.

Orc--uh...orc--uh...

orc-hoo-dious.

[ Chomp! ]

Oh! Oh, dear! Oh, my god!

Neville!

Oh, my god! Oh, dear!

[ Screeching ]

What happened?

His spell! He was only
off by one syllable!

Ah, yes.
The spells "Orchideous"

and "Orchoodious"
are very similar.

Do be careful.

[ School bell rings ]

Finally, add two
drops of Wolfsbane

extract to your potion.

I hope everyone understands.

Well? What are you waiting for?

Usually we don't start
until you insult Harry.

Am I so predictable?
Very well. Potter, you fool.

Well, bottoms up!

[ Gulp! ]

Ron, how many drops of
Wolfsbane extract did you use?

Uh, like three.

[ Screaming ]

[ Splat! ]

Professor Snape,
what happened?

Used too much Wolfsbane
extract, looks like.

He used one extra drop!

That margin for error
is pretty bloody slim!

This spell was supposed
to change our eye color!

Why would we risk
exploding skulls

just to change our eye color?

Uh... Potter, you fool.

[ School bell rings ]

Well, it's understandable.

We're teaching children
a deadly art, after all.

It's like trying to teach cats

how to disarm landmines.

Uh...where are
all the students?

[ Hip-hop music playing ]

[ Car alarm blaring ]

Hey... Where's Hermione?

[ Laughs ] We all called
her a slut on facebook!

Children,
I have some sad news.

Her-my-one Granger hung herself.

[ Record scratches ]

[ All laughing ]

What can
I get y'all to drink?

I'll have a Dasani.

Fiji for me.

One Evian, please.

I'll take a beer and three

new [ Bleep ] friends, please.

Oh, my gosh.
That's Betty Crocker!

Oh, hello, darling.

How long you
gonna keep duckin' me?

How long you gonna keep

calling that cheesecake
tasty, Sara Lee?

Hope you saved
room for dessert.

I got some piping-hot beatdowns

topped with a fresh ass
whooping!

You feeling hungry?

Take a taste.

[ Bleep ] taste.

I want the whole pie!

[ Growls ]

Your hits taste like
your poundcake--weak

and store-bought!

Oh, this cake
has some layers.

Be sure and try the crust!

You like this
[ Bleep ] 'cause nobody!

Doesn't! Like! Sara! Lee!

Ooh, this thing's so sweet,

it's got to be fattening!

[ Whispers indistinctly ]

What was that,
bleedy [ Bleep ]

You and Betty Crocker can...

bake someone happy!

♪ Everybody loves her ♪

♪ Sara Lee ♪

[ Panting ]

[ Clinking ]

I's in town, honey.

Next time, you dance
with your ol' Aunt Jemima.

[ Laughs ]

[ g*nshots ]

You're going to have
to go get that for me.

Have you ever
thought about using--

I'm not getting a [ Bleep ]
boomerang, so just drop it!

"You're terminated."

yeah, that's what
I'll say. What?!

[ Whirring ]

[ Funky music plays ]

Wow, look at the gams on her!

Now, that's what
I call a set of stems!

Honey, if you're not a model,

you are wasting your life!

She's got a look,
I'll give you that.

But does she have "It"?

Oh, you're hired.

[ Whirring ]

You're terminated [ Bleep ]

[ Sighs ] That was unduly harsh.

[ Screams ]

Our cleanup efforts
from the oil spill continue,

but the real problem
is capping this oil leak.

No, wait, scratch that.

The real problem
is figuring out

how to spend
this quarter's profits.

[ All cheering ]

I'm sorry, sir!
I tried to stop him, but--

Shirley?
Never mind, sir.

He was actually pretty
easy to stop.

I just tripped him, and I think

he twisted his ankle
or something.

Are you all right?

Just fine. Hang on a second.

Okay. Aquaman would like
to make an appointment.

Check my book.

Checking, sir. Okay.
[ Muffled ] Mr. Aquaman,

is tuesday after : p.m.
okay for you, or--

[ Normal voice ] Oh, drat.

Sorry, sir, this time
he really did get past me.

Ah, the sub-mariner,
I presume?

Don't play games with me,
you corporate monster!

Your oil spill is k*lling
the sea creatures I hold dear!

All right.
So how can I help you?

You can go to jail, you scum!

Well, the federal courts
already assessed a fine,

which we paid.

You--you can go
to jail anyway!

But the case is settled.
Oh.

So are you, uh,
here to kick my ass or...?

Yes! Maybe!

Well, probably not, no.

So I'm not going to jail,

you're not going to kick my ass,

and I already paid the fine.

You k*lled a lot of sea life.

I did. I'm sorry.

[ Ting! ]

[ Groans ]

Um, good news, everybody!

The oil company paid a fine!

To who?

Um...you want me to find out?

Ohh, can you maybe
suck up all this oil

since you suck
so [ Bleep ] hard?

Was that rhetorical or do you
want me to--ow! ow! ow!

Oh, my gosh! Ow!
That does-- Ow! Ow!

[ Crying ] Ow!

Get ready for
the sweet release!

[ Squish! ]

♪ So you're dining
with a beast ♪

♪ That doesn't mean
you shouldn't feast ♪

♪ Let us handle
reservations ♪

♪ Give your taste buds
a sensation ♪

♪ Have your fill,
eat more still ♪

♪ There's no need
to slow your pace ♪

♪ After dinner
you'll be thinner ♪

♪ Once you sit down on
my face ♪

♪ So have seconds,
eat a lot ♪

♪ Then come meet
your chamber pot ♪

We are trying
to serve dinner!

What? Defaccachi
doesn't get to sing along?

I'm a person, too.

Defaccachi didn't ask
to be a chamber pot.

None of us asked to be stuck
in the forms of household items,

but people are eating!

So Defaccachi only
useful after a dinner, eh?

I got to live a solitary
existence punctuated

by people pooping in my--

I said, people are eating.

[ Mumbling in Italian ]

Okay, let's just
get through this dinner

so the beast can bang
this bitch and--Belle?

Where did Belle go?!

♪ Ring a bell
sound a horn ♪

♪ Looks like
someone's eaten corn ♪

Does everything
have to be a [ Bleep ] song?!

[ Humming ]

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, there. I'm Della.

Oh, y-yes. Ah, yes.
Ah, come in.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

I'll be right out.

I like to take care
of business up front.

Oh, uh, okay.
How much uh, for, um,

a half-and-half?

Oh, somebody's
done this before.

No, I-I just read about
it on the internet.

Just put $
on the nightstand.

Let's party.

Holy [ Bleep ] you're a duck!

That's right, baby.

Now, why don't you
ruffle my feathers?

Why are you a duck?!
Oh, my god!

[ Laughs ]

I'm what you ordered.

I did not order a duck!

Well, I'm not sure
how they could have

misunderstood that request.
Oh, gee!

I wonder what word
an escort service might have

mistaken for "Duck"
on a bad cellphone connection!

Well, fine,
but you are still

gonna have to pay me
for my time.

Uh, I don't know why
I need to pay to not

[ Bleep ] a cartoon duck!

Normally not
[ Bleep ] a [ Bleep ]

Duck is [ Bleep ] free!

[ Dialing ]

We got a problem.
Who are you--

We got some sort of problem?

Look, I-I don't
want any trouble.

I just think
the misunderstanding

was on your end.

Just pay the duck.

No! It's not fair!

I shouldn't have to pay--

Yeah! whip his ass, Desmond!

Whip his ass!

Mr. Phillipson,
what's all the commotion?

Whoa, stop! Security!

Hey!
Whoa!

You got a g*n,
I got a g*n. Now what?

L-let's all just relax.
You relax!

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ Splat! ]

[ Splat! ]

Hey, get off of my g*n, bitch!

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ g*nsh*t ]

♪ Duck, duck, duck,
duck party ♪

♪ Hoo-hoo-hoo ♪

[ Bleep ] You!

[ g*nshots ]

[ Screams ]

Uncle Donald?

Huh? What?

We said,
"When can we go home?"

Gee, Uncle Donald,
we really miss our mom.

Yeah, when can we
see her again?

Oh, I don't know, boys.

I just don't know.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
a-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk!

Bawk.

Stoopid Monkey.