01x06 - Take Me Out to the Ball Game

[bunniefuu]

[theme song]

♪ Maybe the world is blind

♪ Or just a little unkind

♪ Don't know

♪ Seems you can't be sure

♪ Of anything anymore

♪ Although

♪ You may be lonely and then

♪ One day you're smilin' again

♪ Every time

♪ I turn around

♪ I see the girl

♪ That turns my world around

♪ Standing there

♪ Every time I turn around

♪ Her spirit's lifting me
right off the ground ♪

♪ Every time

♪ I turn around

♪ What's gonna be

♪ Guess we'll just wait

♪ And see ♪

[instrumental music]

Cherie: Grandma,
close your eyes.

We've got a surprise for you.

Uh-uh, no way.

Last time I did that, I ended up
with a water balloon on my head.

Punky: Please, Mrs. Johnson.

We want to show you
our Halloween costumes.

Oh, alright.

But this better be a treat.

And not a trick.

Punky: Introducing,
the Queen of the Nile,

Cleopatra!

[upbeat music]

And now, the greatest adventurer
of them all...

Indiana Punky!

[upbeat music]

[Mrs. Johnson chuckling]

Now, the mystical,
the magnificent...

Merlin The Magician!

[instrumental music]

You three make quite a trio.

We got a hotshot...

a Hottentot...

and a whatnot.

I wish Henry was here
to see us.

When's he getting back?

Lord only knows.

That man's got the worst case
of Cub Fever I ever saw.

Well, I bet he got us the best
seats in Wrigley Field.

[upbeat music]

Henry, are you alright?

I'm alive,
clinically speaking.

What happened?

I was sure I'd get tickets
by going there hours

before the box office opened.

Unfortunately,
, other people

got there hours
before the box office opened.

Henry, you look exhausted.

Sit down before gravity wins.

What an experience!

When I took my place in line,
I found myself

sandwiched between
a stevedore

and a gentlemen who introduced
himself as Eckron of Venus.

At midnight

we were all treated
to a recitation

of "Casey at the Bat"
by a -year-old woman

wearing only a slip.

Well, did you come close
to getting tickets?

Close enough to see the man
ahead of me buy the last two.

Oh, Henry, that's awful.

I haven't even got
to the awful part yet.

I was willing to
take defeat, graciously.

But it's impossible
to be gracious

when the crowd is using you
as a battering ram

to break into the box office!

Well, you tried, Henry.

Besides, I always say...

"The best seats in the house
are right in front

of your own TV set."

Have you lost your mind?

It's been years
since the Cubs

had a chance
to get to the World Series,

and I want to watch them
in Wrigley Field!

Well, if you feel that way,

why didn't you buy
season tickets?

I had them.

For losing seasons,

I had them!

This year, I decided
to save myself the money

and the aggravation,
and what happens?

- What happens?
- They go to the playoffs.

They go to the playoffs!

I won't be there to see them.

Come on, Cleo,
let's go upstairs.

I hate to see a grown man cry.

I don't.
Can I stay and watch?

Mrs. Johnson: Cherie!

[upbeat music]

[sighs]

Didn't I see you in line?

[instrumental music]

[groaning]

Henry, it's my bedtime,
not yours.

I know, but I'm desperate
for this day to end.

Well, you've got
to snap out of this.

It's only a game.

Punky...

the Cubs are in the playoffs.

There's no way they can lose
to the Padres.

That means the Cubs will go
to the World Series.

That's history in the making.

A bunch of guys hitting
a ball is history?

It looks more like
recess to me.

Punky...

one autumn day at Wrigley Field,
when I was about your age,

I witnessed one of the greatest
events in baseball history.

You did?

It was the third game
of the World Series.

The Cubs against the Yankees,
fifth inning.

The score was four-to-four,

when the Babe
stepped up to the plate.

The Babe? Who's she?

Not she. He.
Babe Ruth.

Did his parents name him
after the candy bar?

Yeah.

Anyway, the Babe
had two strikes on him.

He pointed to
the center field bleachers,

right where I was sitting.

And on the next pitch,

he smashed a home run
right at me!

Holy macanoli!
Did you catch it?

[chuckles]
See this bump?

That's where the ball bounced
off my skull.

Wow!

I was hoping you'd experience
the same thrill this year.

Will the Babe be there?

No, honey.

He's knocking 'em over
the Pearly Gates now.

But you can bet that Mr. Cub
will be there, Ernie Banks.

That's it.

That's how I can get tickets!

Ernie Banks!
I know him!

We're buddies!

- You know Ernie Banks?
- You bet I do!

Wow!

Who's Ernie Banks?

Let's see.

Wrigley Field...

- Wrigley Field... Wrigley...
- Henry!

How did you and Ernie
get to be buddies?

In , I photographed
the wedding

of Ernie's second cousin.

- And that made you buddies?
- Absolutely.

I walked up to him and said,
"Some wedding, huh?"

And Ernie smiled back at me
and said, "Where's the dip?"

And then what?

I showed him where the dip was.
Gangway!

Henry, is this what
they call a long shot?

No.

It's what they call
a sure thing.

It's ringing.

Hello?

I'd like to speak
to Ernie Banks,

if you would be so kind.

No, it's not in reference
to playoff tickets.

It's in reference to...
Ernie's second cousin.

Thank you.

She's gonna get him.
I tell you.

I can smell the peanuts now.

Way to go, Henry!

Ernie!
Long-time no see!

This is Hank.

No, not Aaron.

Warnimont. Henry Warnimont.

I photographed your second
cousin's wedding back in ' .

So, how's it going, guy?
[chuckles]

Warnimont.

Henry Warnimont.

Don't you remember?
I showed you the dip.

The clam dip.

Anyway, Ern,

you think you can let a,
an old buddy

get a couple of seats
for one of the playoff games?

Feel free to say no.

[line disconnects]

Hello?

Hello? Ernie?

Don't give up, Henry.

What can we do next?

There's nothing left
to try, Punky.

I can't believe this.

The Cubs are actually going
to play without us.

[instrumental music]

[groaning]

Henry, there's something
on the radio

that will cheer you up!

I don't want to be cheered up.

I'm perfectly happy
being completely miserable.

Man on radio: Okay,
all you Cubbie fans out there.

It's time for our playoff
tickets give-away!

Did he say playoff tickets?

Man on radio: That's right!

If you are the th caller

and you can correctly answer
our trivia question,

you'll win two coveted tickets
to tomorrow's playoff game!

Turn that up.
What'd he say the number was?

Man on radio: The number is
- - -W-M-A-Q.

Be the th caller
and go to the game!

Come on, Henry!
I know you can do it!

- - -W-M-A-Q.

I wish they'd give us numbers.
I hate looking for letters.

- Hurry!
- It's busy. I'll try again.

We gotta get a push button.

Oh...

[groans]

[grunts]

It's still busy.

Wh-- What's the use?

Let me try.
I've got Punky power!

Punky, forget it.
It's hopeless.

[instrumental music on radio]

It's ringing.

Hello? What did you say?

Henry, I'm the th caller!

Give me that.

Man on radio: Okay,
here we are today

with our lucky th caller,

little, uh,
what's your name, dear?

Henry Warnimont.

Man on radio:
Little Henry Warnimont.

How are you today, Henry?

Fine, fine!
Just get on with it.

Man on radio: Okay,
today's trivia question

is a toughie, so you better
put on your thinking cap.

Now, for two tickets
to tomorrow's playoff game,

can you name the windiest city
in the United States?

That's easy!
We studied in school.

Quite, dear,
let little Henry answer.

The windiest city
in the United States

is the home
of the incredible Cubs.

That toddlin' town,
our very own, Chicago.

Man on radio:
You are absolutely... wrong!

What?

Man on radio:
The windiest city is...

Great Falls, Montana.

Man on radio:
Great Falls, Montana.

Sorry, Henry,
hope there's no...

hard feelings.

If you knew the answer,
why didn't you tell me?

I did.

Well, why didn't you
make me listen?

Hey, Mr. Warnimont,
I just heard you on the radio.

Boy, I thought everybody knew
about Great Falls, Montana.

Go away!

Listen, Mr. Warnimont,
Punky asked me

to try and find you tickets
for the playoffs.

And I think I figured out
a way.

- Really?
- Yeah!

- A scalper.
- Forget it!

I detest
those low life creatures.

They prey upon a fan's
loyalty for profit.

I'll have nothing
to do with them!

Gee, that's too bad.

'Cause I got a scalper
waitin' outside

with tickets
to tomorrow's game.

Don't just stand there.

Show the gentlemen in!

Hey, have no fear,

Lenny The Loop is here!

- "Lenny The Loop?"
- Yeah.

Not to be confused
with Lake Shore Lenny.

You see, I got more class
in my little finger

than that scuzz-face
has got in his whole operation.

Mr. Loop, would you
like some Kool-Aid?

Oh, no thanks, kid.

I'm on a critical list
at Slenderella.

[chuckles]
Koochie-koo there, kid.

Alright, let's talk
some business.

Loop's the name,
ticket's the game

and tickets is exactly
what Lenny's got.

Ta-da! [chuckles]

I got the Rod Stewart Concert,

King Tut exhibition...

Boy, I really took
a bath on those, huh? [chuckles]

Hey, how about
the Jacksons' Victory tour?

Henry, the Jacksons!

- Forget it.
- Forget it.

Okay, we got the Super Bowl,
Kentucky Derby,

Synchronized swimming...
Mm...

Uh-oh! Lookie here.

I got two tickets
for the National League Playoffs

for tomorrow's game.

- I'll take 'em.
- Oh!

Don't be so grabby, gramps.

You know, money talks,
or I walk.

How much?

Well, these two tickets
are goin'

for $ a piece
on the street.

How much are they going for
up here, in this apartment?

[chuckles]
Hey, cute, kid.

I'll tell you what,
as long as the kid is involved,

I'll let you have these two
tickets for $ .

- What?
- Read my lips.

Mr. Loop, we're very, very poor,
we don't have that much money.

Alright, I'll tell you
what, kid.

I'll let you have
these two tickets for $ ,

but that's my final offer.

That's still too much money.

Henry, just buy one ticket.

Go to the game without me.

But, Punky...

I know it's a lot of money.

But you don't have
to buy my medicine this month.

The doctor says
I don't have much time

to live anyway.

[coughing]

Oh, bravo!

You ought to be
on "Star Search," kid.

But I ain't buyin' it.

Okay, we'll give you a hundred
bucks for both tickets.

Take it or leave it.

You got yourself a deal.

Alright. That kid's got
a real talent.

You know, you oughta develop it.

I can't afford the lessons.

Now, if you'll excuse us...

Oh, sure, gramps.
Hey, listen.

I want you two to have
the time of your life.

And, by the way,
speaking of time,

do you wanna buy a watch?

Punky, we're going to the game!

Yippee!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

Punky: Row J...

Seats and .

Henry, somebody's in our seats.

Not for long, they're not.

- Where are they?
- Right there.

Pardon me, uh...

- Sister.
- Yes?

Sister Mary,
I think I see Ryne Sandberg.

Yes. It's number .

Go, Rhino! Go!

[laughing]

Excuse me, but I think
we have a little mix-up here.

Oh, look, it's Leon Durham.

Hey, Bull!

Here! Up here!

I'm sorry.
You were saying?

I think, sister, that you
and your sister-sister

are sitting in our seats.

Hey, I'm trying to watch
batting practice.

Now, move it or lose it, pops.

Excuse me.

That's not a very
nice way to talk.

If you don't be quite,

Henry will have to
teach you some manners.

Oh, yeah?

Is that right, pops?

You gonna teach me some manners?

My daughter is
young and impetuous.

Anyone can see
that when it comes to manners,

you, sir, wrote the book.

Not a word in it
over three letters.

What did you say?

I was admiring your shirt.

Sir, I believe we are sitting
in the proper seats. See?

Oh.

That's odd.

We both have tickets
for the same seats.

I bet one of us
has fake tickets.

You could be right, Punky.

[chuckles]
You've been had, sister.

My good man, we got our tickets
from the Cardinal's office.

Are you insinuating
that His Eminence

was sold counterfeit tickets?

There's one born every minute.

Hey, sister, is this old geez
hassling you?

Do you want me to hit him
for you?

No, that won't be necessary,
my son.

But stay close.

Sir, I think that you should

look at the date
on your stubs.

"National League Championship,

October, ."

Right seats, wrong century.
[laughs]

Boy, if you can't trust
Lenny the Loop,

who can you trust?

You can't trust
scalpers period.

I should've known better.

Sister Bernadette, I believe

these people have
learned their lesson.

Perhaps, we should offer them
our seats.

Get real, sister.

I've waited years
for this day.

It would take an act
of the Almighty Himself

to prevent me
from seeing this game.

Here we sit,
and here we shall remain.

Look, let me level with you.

My daughter is dying
to see this game.

To me, it's no big deal.

But for her, it's the dream
of a lifetime.

Well, I'll tell you what.

This adorable
little girl is welcome

to sit on my lap.

How about me?

Ever heard of the phrase,
"Fat chance?"

[instrumental music]

[crowd applauding]

[indistinct chatter]

- Oh!
- Oh, excuse me.

My daughter
seems to have left me.

Can't say that I blame her.

- Henry!
- Punky.

Don't ever
wander away like that.

I was worried sick.

Now my wrinkles are
going to have wrinkles.

And your butt's
gonna have blisters

if you don't get outta here.

I found us some seats.

What?

I met these really
nice people

and they said we could
sit with them.

I don't know
much about baseball,

so they may be lousy seats,

but at least we can
watch the game.

Lead me to them.

At this point, I'll settle for
the lousiest seats in the park.

[upbeat music]

[audience cheering]

[music continues]

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[theme music]

[music continues]