Very Thought of You, The (1998)

[bunniefuu]

(clock chimes in distance)

Good morning. Morning.

I'd, um, like to
introduce myself.

Um, I'm your neighbor
from upstairs.

Laurence. How do you do?

How do you do?

It's 5:30 in the morning.

Ah.

And I have also lived here
for three years now.

Well... welcome.

Thank you.

Was there anything else?

Cup of tea might be nice.

Cup of tea?

(Laurence) How...
How are we gonna do this?

Are you gonna ask me questions,
or do I just talk?

Whichever you prefer.

That's the couch, right?
The sofa, yes.

Do I sit or do I lie?
What do most people do?

Most people sit.

Right.

I wanna talk about love,
friendship and deceit.

I-I wanna talk about the fact
that, up until three days ago,

there were three people.
Friends. Best friends.

Since our first day at school.

Frank, Daniel and me.

We just looked out
for each other,

or, at least,
I looked out for them.

That's the way it's always been.

Anyway, three people
whose lives were OK.

Not perfect, but OK.

But that was three days ago.

Daniel was in the States,
finalizing his own record deal

and was on his way home.

Hey. What can I say?
You rock. I know.

I'm very excited. Chuck, we'll speak.
Thanks a lot, Dan.

Bye.

He's this hotshot executive
in the music business.

You know the type - reinvented
the '70s single-handed,

only flies first class,

hits on every good-looking
woman in sight.

Which always leads
to problems with Frank.

Frank - what can I tell you
about Frank?

He's a penniless, out-of-work actor
consumed with envy for Daniel,

and I'm the one stuck
in the middle.

There'd been some competition
over a French actress,

and Frank wouldn't stop talking about
it on the way to dinner that night.

Nicky the agent
calls me up, right?

She's got this French actress
coming over from Paris,

so she's throwing this big
dinner party in her honor.

She needs men. So she
wants me to bring Daniel,

'cause she's read some article in some bloody
magazine about how bloody eligible he is.

All right, so we get
to this restaurant,

and this French actress is,
like, this bombshell. Right?

So Nicky takes me - me -
and places me

next to Bombshell Woman,
place of honor.

And the conversation through the evening
is really flowing, like a river. You know.

And it turns out that she's got
this break in her schedule

coming up the following weekend, and
she wants me to give her a call.

So, next day, I give her a call.
No reply.

The day after that,
give her a call - no reply.

The next day, Nicky
phones me up to tell me

that Bombshell Woman has gone
to Venice with bloody Daniel.

Now, answer me a question. Is
that the behavior of a friend?

Well... 'Cause I tell you,

the only reason he was interested
is 'cause I was interested.

Frank, don't be so paranoid.
What will you have?

So I try and convince myself of
the stuff you always go on about,

how we're the closest friends
we'll ever have.

You wanna know the truth?
I hate him.

I hate him, he hates me.

There's a pleasing
kind of symmetry to it.

We both hate each other
with the kind of commitment

you only get
from childhood friends.

Next time I see him,
I'm gonna break his nose.

Break his nose
and then his bloody jaw.

Jesus Christ.
You know the truth...

He went on and on
in the way that only Frank can.

The acting thing
was getting him down.

He hadn't worked in years.
And he was in a bad way.

I needed to talk to Daniel,
but Daniel was in Minneapolis

and about to cause us
even more trouble.

It all began with something
as simple as a truck.

(recorded voice) The white zone
is for immediate loading

and unloading
of passengers only.

No parking.

Sorry, that's mine.
I beg your pardon?

That's my cart. No, no, because I
saw it all the way back there...

No, no, I just put a dollar
fifty in the machine.

Really? Yes.

Well, then it's yours.
Thank you.

Oh... Hey, let me help
you with that, please.

Thank you.

I always heard you British
guys were gentlemen.

You are British, aren't you?
English, actually, yeah.

"English, actually." That's where I'm going
London.

Uh-huh? Yep.

Thanks. I like the bags.
You got the whole set, uh?

Sharp.

Do you see that woman over
there, with the yellow top on?

I want you to upgrade her ticket

and put her in the seat
next to me.

I'm sorry. I can't do that.
Why not?

She's on a different flight.
A different...

But she said she was going to London.
She is.

But two hours later, and rather
crucially, in this case, I think,

with a different airline.
Oh, come on.

You people, you have deals with each other.
You can fix something.

In this case, you need
to buy a fresh ticket.

That's $5,000. One way.

Now, are you sure you don't
wanna think about this?

You know, airports do funny things
to people. I've made up my mind.

In that case, you wanna bring the lady
over, sir? I need to see her passport.

No, no, no.
You don't understand.

This has to be a coincidence, right?
She mustn't know I did this.

So, what do you
want me to do, sir?

Well, make up some excuse.

About the flight being full
or there's a special offer,

or maybe this airline
just picked her.

Just picked her?

(flight attendant)
Here's your seat, madam.

Champagne?

Here come the freebies.
(chuckles)

It's just that word - "complimentary,"
you know? It really gets me going.

It's like, if drinks are on the
house, my first thought isn't,

"Oh, how fabulous,
how wonderful."

No, it's, "How many?"
Not that I'm an alcoholic.

Now, my ex-husband Jerry... Would
you excuse me one moment?

(Laurence) Something
had gone wrong.

Daniel needed
to make a decision.

At the time, it was about
first class or economy.

Not something you think would
change the rest of our lives.

But a lot can happen
in three days.

And in three days...
it's all fallen apart.

Hi!

Hi!

This is weird, huh? It's...

I'm Martha, by the way. Daniel.

Daniel. Hello.

Daniel with the matching bags.
That's me.

Oh! Do you wanna hear
something incredible?

Yeah, sure.

I'm standing in line,
you know, waiting to check in,

when this man in uniform, he
walks up to me and he's like,

"Congratulations, madam.
You are the 100,000th passenger

to fly on this airline,
this route, this year."

Really? Yes.

"And to mark the occasion,
a completely different airline

would like to fly you
first class to London."

Wow.

Do you have any idea
how much those seats cost?

Remind me. $5,000.

Oh! Ooh!

I mean, what kind of a jackass
would waste money like that?

You know?

(boy chuckles)

Ahh, I told him to give me the
cash, you know, but he wouldn't.

So I sold the ticket
to a woman who couldn't wait

to give me $2,000 for it.

$2,000!

Plus, you know, my seat's fine.
I feel good.

I feel great and...
How do you feel?

Great.

(woman) Oh, those look fabulous.
Are they kosher prawns?

Ah. Just can't keep
away from each other.

Yeah.

Uh, the captain just said
we've got a tailwind,

which means we'll be in London
about half an hour earlier...

which is great. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Someone meeting you there?
Uh-uh.

Do you know anyone in London?
No.

Is this your first time
out of the States? Maybe.

So why London?

Um, Paris was $300. Oh?

LA was $188.
Mexico City was $350.

Seattle was $130.
London was $99.

You're coming to London
because it was $99? Yeah.

It seemed like
a good place to start,

Start what?

The rest of my life.

You mean you're never
going back?

Nothing to go back for.

Except working like a mule,
an apartment I can't afford

and a man who used me
to amuse his friends.

Oh, wow.

You think I'm crazy?
No, no, no, no.

Of course I don't.

Well, actually, yes. Yes, I do.

How much money did you bring?
Do you mind me asking?

$35. $35.

They'd have put you
on the first plane back.

Yeah, right. Even with
a nice British gentleman

like yourself around, Daniel?
Hmm?

The ticket, Daniel. What ticket?

(British accent) What ticket?

(normal voice) You didn't expect
me to believe that story, did you?

Ah, the 100...
Please. I'm flattered.

Really.

No one's ever done anything
like that for me before.

Thank you.

Plus, now I have $2035.

Our conversation earlier - I
don't think you're crazy at all.

I work 70 hours a week,
and I own a fortune.

And you know how big my flat is?

3000 square feet.
And the day after I moved in,

I paid a half a dozen people I'd
never met before to decorate it.

And one of the rooms
they called a library.

And they filled it full
of books, thousands of books

on every subject.

And they're all secondhand.
You know why?

It was cheaper? No.

So it looks like
they'd been read.

Ah.

See, I have the home
of a widely read,

widely traveled,

deeply interesting man
with taste.

And that's not you. No.

Not even the interesting bit?

You know what you should do?

You should just pack up
and clear out.

Bring things back
from your travels.

You know, putting the books up one
by one, after you've read them.

Just pack up and go, huh?

Mm-hmm.

To hell with the consequences,
you know.

Yeah, one day
I might just do that.

Look, um, I shouldn't
be doing this, OK?

But there's this hotel that my
company has an arrangement with.

And as a welcome to London
and a token of good will,

I'd like you to stay there
on your first night. No.

You know I can't accept it.
What? No strings.

No strings. Please.

And you have to join me
for lunch tomorrow.

That's the catch. That's the catch.
You think that's a catch?

Many people would be
delighted by that.

So that's the address of the hotel, OK?
And here's my card.

Daniel with the matching bags.
Cute.

Does it say that on the card?
Yeah. No.

So, you'll ring me tomorrow, yeah?
Oh, yeah. I won't forget.

You won't forget?
Uh-huh. First thing.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Passport, please, sir.

Oh...

Thank you.

Hello, it's Daniel, old friend,
Yeah. Has she arrived?

Oh, excellent.

Look, I want you
to, um, get a bouquet

and send it up to her room.
Would you do that?

No, no. No preferences.

No, I'm sure it'll be beautiful.

Thank you. Bye.

(Daniel) Did you think
I'm blind?

It's right there
on page two of the contract.

So tell him to sign it and get
it over here by lunchtime.

Right. OK? Bye.

Martha Dowling.

She's not a client, is she?
Uh...

No, not exactly, no.

This hotel bill mysteriously found
its way into company expenses.

I was about to authorize it, and then
realized you'd obviously made a mistake

and were intending
to settle it yourself.

Yeah, yeah. No, I was, I was.

Of course I was.

Champagne for two at midnight.

For two?

It was unprecedented -

Daniel being given
the runaround by a woman.

You can imagine what followed. Phone
calls, phone calls, more phone calls.

Suddenly, Daniel needed us
after all.

I love my mother.

I love her.

I love my mother.
Frank, come on! Please.

I can't believe I've got
this audition in two hours.

Frank, he sounded desperate.
What the hell is that?

Please. Come on.

Christ. I'm liable
to break his nose.

First his nose,
and then his flipping jaw.

Get this - he even offered
to pay for the meal.

f*ck.

This has never happened to me before.
I concentrate on work.

I can't eat. Do I look pale?

I can't believe
you're asking me about this.

Frank, she was giving me the signals, OK?
A man can tell.

Yeah, right. Like champagne at
midnight with somebody else.

You're a musk-magnet, Daniel. If
you'd met her, you'd understand.

I've been trying to understand
since we got here.

So you meet some girl
in an airport,

you get a big flush of blood to
your head, it costs you a fortune,

and because she treats you like a jerk,
you immediately fall in love with her.

If humiliation is
what you desire,

I'll arrange it gladly,
anytime. It'll be my pleasure.

But don't let this...

Martha. Martha ruin your life.

What was the big attraction,
anyway?

Did you screw her? Oh, I
can't believe he said that.

She's obviously screwing everyone else.
She's different, Frank.

She's different
from anybody I've ever met.

Laurence, help me out here.
You understand these things.

Describe for Frank
the perfect woman.

Please. (laughing) Sorry.

Jeez.

The perfect woman.

Well, she'd, um... she'd
have a light in her eyes...

Yes.

And an infectious, wonderful smile.
Yes.

Yes. Talking to her, you've
found you've told her

things you've never told
anyone...

I did. I did that.
Began to see things

in a way you've never
seen them before. Yes.

Leaving her, you knew somehow
things had irreversibly changed,

would never be the same again.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Exactly! Thank you.

So he didn't screw her.

Of course I didn't
sleep with her!

Apart from the fact that I don't sleep
with anybody on the first date, OK,

we were on an airplane together.

Everyone has sex on airplanes.
What are you talking about?

Where? Where?

In the cockpit. In the toilet.

In the... I did it between
London and Amsterdam. Ha!

London and Amsterdam's 40 minutes. They
don't even let you out of your seats.

I didn't say it was great sex.
It was a rush job. Uh-huh.

And how do you do it?
Standing up or sitting down?

What do you want? A flipping video?
What's the matter with you?

Hey. Look at Laurence. Hmm?

You OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Yeah, you're right.
You look a bit pale.

Ah, it's nothing.

What's your opinion
on all this, mate?

My opinion?

I was just thinking the fact
that she hasn't called you

doesn't necessarily mean
she's not interested.

You don't think? No.

Plus, we should consider the fact
that most women who meet you

do find you very attractive.

Not all of them. I see no reason

why this one should be
any different.

She may have just lost your card.
She may have lost my card?

And walking around London right now,
wishing she knew where to find you.

You see? That is friendship.
Yeah, yeah.

That's the way I see it. I
hadn't even thought of the card.

Thank you, Laurence.

Thank you.
I feel much better now.

(waitress) Here you go.
Split this three ways?

Well, wee bollocks!
It's over 100 quid.

So? So I can't afford that.

You suggested
this overpriced dump.

You flipping pay. Frank, please.

If you can't afford it,
then stay at home.

Honestly. Because this
happens every time.

It's embarrassing. Thank you.

Keep the change. Thank you, sir.

Maybe if you didn't piss away
what little money you have on...

No... Maybe if I didn't piss
away what little money I have

on yuppie, uptight, posing...

I swear to God, I'm gonna
punch his lights out.

Yeah, dream on, sad boy.
Touch one thing, you die.

Oh, shut up, both of you! You really
want to hit each other, hit each other.

Just get it over and done with. Anything
but talking about it all the time.

It gives me a headache.

It was your fault. Let's go.

Come on, get out.

Laurence, Laurence. Bye-bye.

Sorry. I'll see you
when I see you.

Bye. Taxi!

Actually... Look, I've been meaning
to speak to you about the actress.

Yeah. Don't.

Well, it's just, Nicky
mentioned how upset you were,

so I was... I was not upset.

And then Laurence was concerned
enough about your condition

to drive all the way
out to the airport

to speak to me about you.
Just...

Because your behavior recently
has been a little crazy, OK?

You want my opinion?

You should go out there,
you should do this audition,

you should get a life.

And maybe then you wouldn't
be such a pain in the ass.

Taxi!

City, please.

I love my mother deeply,
but then she smokes,

she drinks, she quite openly
lives with that novelist she...

But then she smokes,
she drinks...

She quite openly lives
with that novelist...

I love my mother!

I love my mother deeply.
But then she smokes, she drinks.

She quite openly lives
with that novelist.

Is this the...? Shit.

(practicing vocal exercises)

La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Papa's got a head
like a ping-pong ball

Papa's got a head
like a ping-pong ball

Like a ping,
like a pink-pong ball

Papa's got a a head like a ping-pong,
ping-pong, ping-pong, ping-pong ball

(man) OK. And next.

What could be sillier
or more hopeless

than the position
I found myself in often enough -

solid rows of celebrities
sitting in her drawing room...

(man) Good. OK, let's go
to the next one.

What is it - Frank McEwan.

What do you mean, he's gone?

Did you know, if you walk
through this park,

you get a unique history of England?
Hmm? Mm-mm.

Oh, yeah.

Says if you go north, you see the
Houses of Parliament, right,

telling us that
this is a democracy.

If you go west,
you see the Queen's guards,

reminding us
that this is a monarchy.

If you look east, you see
the Flags of the Commonwealth,

reminding us that
this was once an empire.

And if you... if you look...

south...

you get water,

reminding us
that this is an island.

(Martha) Hmm.

Did you know that the city
of London is built

on ancient Roman burial ground?

No. No, didn't know that. No.

Oh, yeah.

There's over 150 different
languages spoken in London,

and that the residential
population is eight million,

rising to ten million
in the summertime.

Hmm. Ten million people.

A lot of people. Yep.

Especially when you're
just looking for one.

One in ten million.

Sir? Hmm?

0 Can I have a sip
of your drink?

Thank you.

I'm Martha, by the way.

I know.

(laughing)

You can't know. It's
impossible for you to know.

Yeah. No, you're Martha,
you're American,

and you're looking for someone
that you think...

that you know
that you're in love with,

because you feel it right here.

Don't you?

Actually, it was here. Here?

Here.

It was like a thunderbolt.
A thunderbolt?

Mm-hmm. Right.

What's that feel like?
Just for my education,

what's that feel like,
to be struck by a thunderbolt?

It happened in the airport.

I was carrying my bags,
you know...

Crowds everywhere.
Confusion, you know,

and then all of a sudden,
there was no more noise.

There was just him,
and there was me.

And I felt sick, you know?

And it makes me so angry,
because that was not the plan.

Uh-uh.

The plan was a future
of irresponsible liaisons

and roads paved in gold.

The plan was not waking up
alone in a hotel room, lonely.

And in love,
booking the first flight home.

You're going home?

Yeah, there's a flight
that leaves tomorrow night.

Isn't that pathetic, huh?

24 hours in a brand-new life,
and I completely choke.

Now my only hope is
that, when I go home,

no one will have even
noticed that I left.

You know? That way I can get
my job back, and my apartment.

Oh, my God!

That whiskey really hit me.

Yeah, yeah. Me too.

(man) We're gonna get soaked.
(laughs)

(Frank) They really
should know by now.

(Martha) Ohh...

Listen, I don't suppose
you'd consider taking a coffee

with a certain pathetic,
spineless drunk?

They say like attracts like,
right?

They do, don't they?

(both laughing)

(Martha) Soaked! Oh!

Coffee or tea?
Yeah, I'll have tea.

Here?

Uh, two teas, please.
There you are, son.

Hello?

Yeah, it's me. Me.

I've got her. Who?

What do you mean, who?
Her! Daniel's American.

What do you mean, got her?
Well, eating out of my hand.

You know, pupils dilating.

Um, Frank, tell me,
where are you now?

In the café, in the park.
I can't wait to tell Daniel.

I am really gonna enjoy this.

Frank, listen to me. I haven't got
time for a moral discussion, Florence.

I just wanted to
tell someone the good news.

It was the worst thing
that could've happened.

And with the destructive mood
Frank was in,

left alone to seduce her...

Well, you could imagine
how I felt.

You know, your face
is so familiar to me.

You look like somebody.

My face is probably familiar
because, as a child,

I was a successful
working actor.

Wow. Yeah.

(whispering) And it all
fell apart.

Not such a bad life.

You know, I occasionally get
a "Whatever happened to" column

written about me
in the newspapers.

Every couple of Christmases,
they rerun some of my old films,

I got a whole new batch of love
letters from six-year-old girls.

I'm very big
with six-year-old girls.

That's it?

You don't get love letters
from anyone else?

Why?

Why?

You know, you're funny.
You know, you have a nice smile.

Someone might be missing out.

Where's Mr. One in Ten Million
now?

Hmm?

You've forgotten all about him,
didn't you?

That's not true. Yes, it is.

You were sitting there,
and you were thinking,

"God, yes, this man is OK.
He's better than I thought."

What, you think when a man
and a woman meet each other,

that's the only thing
that goes through their minds?

'Course. Yeah, when they're
attracted to one another.

In fact, most people are attracted
to just about everybody.

This "perfect partner" bollocks
is just a hoax,

a physical,
chemical impossibility.

You know why?

My perfect partner is me.

You?

Me with breasts.
OK. I've heard enough now.

It would be a perfect relationship
if you liked the same food,

liked the same music,
the sex would be great...

What is the point of all this?

The point is, there is no
one in ten million.

You don't think so, huh?
No, absolutely not.

Then we'll agree to differ.
Well, whatever you say.

Nice meeting you. Yeah.

Excuse me, son.
You haven't paid your bill.

Didn't she... she... Right.

Oh. I'll be back in
about half an hour. No!

I'll be back
for the change later.

Look on the bright side.

You've still got 24 hours to be
as irresponsible as you like.

Look, Frank, we had
a cup of tea, all right?

I think we should just
go our separate ways.

Look, we could always swap,
you see.

You stay here,
I go to Minneapolis.

Have you got hot running water?

It's a damn sight
more than I've got.

I appreciate the effort,
really, but you know...

Whatever circumstances of your life,
they could not be as depressing as mine!

Ha! I wouldn't bet on it!

Oh. OK, OK, try me.

Come on.

I live in this damp,
single-story kennel.

The windows need repairing.
Mm-hmm.

The gas leaks. I live on the 16th
floor of a housing project, OK?

I sleep to the sound of police
helicopters and g*nf*re.

OK, OK.
Parents - I don't have any.

Well, not that talk to me. OK.
My father died when I was three

and my mother left me to become
a Seventh Day Adventist.

OK. In the last few hours, I've
blown the biggest job opportunity

I'll probably ever have
in years.

This past year alone,
I applied for 13 jobs.

None called back, and my wage
was cut to $1.80 an hour.

In the last month,
I have been arrested

and spent three nights in jail

after police found me
unconscious in the streets!

What? Ha-ha-ha!

You know, I mean it's...

No, you roll your eyes and everything,
you pretend you disapprove.

But the fact is,
you like me more than you did

an hour ago... (laughs)

(Frank laughs)

I love this place.
It's so full of hypocrites.

Look at that bloke, pretending
he's interested in the paintings.

Look at him. Look.

(Frank laughs)

Oh, look at this one.

What does that prat
care about art?

He's read in some magazine this is
the best pick-up joint in London.

That's why he's doing it.

That is such a cynical attitude.
It's realistic.

People come to art galleries
for the sex.

See that couple over there? They're
here to look at the paintings.

There's nothing more boring
than looking at paintings.

The only reason anyone ever comes
to an art gallery is to get laid.

I say they're interested in art.

All right.
We'll do an experiment.

Uh-uh. No, no, come on.

Come on.

I'll walk that way.

You walk that way. OK.

By the time we meet,
I guarantee you

some single man
with an interest in art

will have come up to you
and gone,

(affected voice) "Oh, yes,
I see you like this piece."

Perhaps we can talk about it
over coffee."

OK. Back here, two minutes.

That way. That's right.

All right.

(laughing)

And that was it.
She just disappeared.

You have two self-obsessed friends
locked into a fruitless rivalry

who don't give a care in the world
about you or your well-being.

So, what's the problem?

We need to go back to the airport
in London. Do we have time?

Half an hour.

When I found out that Daniel
had been in Minneapolis,

I decided to meet his flight.

I felt we needed
to talk about Frank.

I knew that if I didn't
get him alone...

So I went to the airport.

You remember I mentioned
the plane had a tailwind.

Well, it arrived
half an hour early.

Aah!

(woman) Are you all right?

I'm fine. I'm OK. Thank you.

International, final call,
flight number...

Sir, where are the taxis?

Uh, far doors, follow the signs.
Thank you very much.

Aah! Jesus!

I'm really sorry. I did not see
you standing there. Oh, God!

What in the hell
is happening to me?

Don't worry about it.
Are you sure?

I'm just tired. I'm traveling alone.
No, no.

I'm fine. I'm OK. Are you OK?

I'm sorry. I'm OK. Don't worry.
Don't worry.

It's just not my lucky...

day.

(chuckles)

OK. Are you sure you're OK?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Fine.

Next, please. Excuse me, pardon me.
I'm sorry.

Hi. I'd like you to page
someone for me, please.

I don't know his name. All's I
know is I'm supposed to meet him.

Right. I'll need
his flight details...

No, no, I'm saying
I'm supposed to meet him.

By that, it's just, you know...

You watch a lot of sports
on TV? Yeah?

Yes.

Yeah, like gladiator, rough,
wrestling kind of thing?

Right. I think I need to speak to your
colleague. This is kind of a woman's thing.

I'm not sure a man that watches a lot of
sports would understand what I'm saying.

Jillian, would you like to deal
with this customer, please?

How can I help? Hi.

Have you ever seen a man,
you know, a complete stranger

and that's the one. That's him!

Madam... He could be right
here and you know it.

Madam, this is an airport
information desk. I know.

We deal with lost property,
flight arrival times...

I know, I know, I know. You don't
understand what this would mean to me.

Please. Madam, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to ask...

Give me that microphone.

I do this in the name of sports-watching,
romantically minded men,

a much-maligned,
misunderstood minority.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is airport information.

Would a gentleman wearing a...
A brown coat...

brown coat...
like, a white T-shirt.

White T-shirt and...

Khaki pants... k-kha...

Khaki pants. a pair of trousers

report to the information desk
now, please.

OK, ready. Go on, back it up.

Come on, this way.
Oh, no, no, no.

What's going on?

Stop! That's my car!

Sorry. I lost someone.

The gentleman over there?
Uh-uh. No.

No? Can you try it one more time?
Just really quick?

Well, I could, but we've got
an awful lot of people...

Please! Give me two seconds!
Ohh!

Haven't you got any compassion?
I've only been two seconds.

(over intercom) Would a gentleman
wearing a white T-shirt or shirt,

khaki pants and definitely
brown shoes or boots

please report to the information
desk now, please?

Never mind.

Away you go.

Bloody hell, mate,
what's going on here?

What the bloody hell...
Shit, are you all right?

Hi.

Look, you're in absolutely
no condition to drive,

and I need the ride to London,
so why don't you get in?

You want me to...
Go around the back.

Hop in. Come on.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

OK, here's the deal.
I'm gonna drive you into London,

I'm gonna take you
for an expensive dinner

at the Blacks Hotel.
Do you know it?

Yes, it's a very famous hotel.

Oh, good. So we'll eat
famous lamb with mint sauce.

OK.

Oh, I'm Martha, by the way.
Laurence.

Laurence. Laurence.

Uh, you can drive, yeah?
Yeah, good.

Whoops. Sorry.
There you go - easy.

You all right? No, you're not.

Look at you - you're not OK
at all, are you, huh?

Of course I wasn't all right. I'd
just been knocked unconscious,

and now an American who's never
driven a stick shift before

is driving my car
on the wrong side of the road.

Got you some ice.

Ow.

Ah, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.
That better?

Ow. I'm fine, thank you.

Nice to meet you anyway.

That was quite an impression
you made.

Oh, really?

The blood, you know,
falling in my arms.

So, what do you do for a living?
I teach bridge.

Oh.

It's a card game.

Oh, so you're a gambler.

No, no, no, no.

Actually, I mainly teach
old ladies.

Ah, old ladies. So I get it.

You're like a gigolo and a gambler, huh?
Uh, no. Not quite.

To be a teacher, you must be
pretty good, though, huh?

So, when was the last time
you played?

Not for a while, huh? No.

What's the matter?
Aren't you good enough?

Yeah, that's exactly the problem
I'm not good enough.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

No. Don't worry about it.
That was really stupid.

I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.

It's just...
sometimes when I get nervous,

you know,
I say the dumbest things.

When I get nervous,
I never say anything.

I just sit there
and get uptight.

( "Fools Like Us"
by Echo and the Bunnymen)

Great. She'd known me
just ten minutes

and already had me down
as a failed card player

stuck in a dead-end job
for the rest my life.

It's fools like us

Always fooled

By the bright side of life

Life on the cool

How does it turn?

(Laurence) I could've told her
about the dreams I had,

the plans I was making
to pack up and leave,

the map on my wall,
covered in places I'd go

as soon as I'd saved the money.

But that was something
I'd told no one.

That was my own secret.

So this is London, huh?

Yeah.

You lived here all your life?
Yep.

What's your favorite part?

Um, my favorite...

Well, there's a little corner
of my local park,

playing chess in the rain.

There's a tiny bandstand
surrounded by trees.

Oh.

See, now, that is a local's tip.

In Minneapolis, all the visitors head
straight for the Mall of America

or the Vikings Stadium.

But the locals...

There's this perfect little spot
at the top of Linden Hills...

The Linden Hills?
The Linden Hills.

If I ever go, I'll remember.

Can I ask you a question?

If you met a complete stranger
on an airplane

and he offered you an expensive
hotel room, would you take it?

Probably no.

Me neither.

Good evening, madam. Thank you.

Here's your bag.

Thanks.

It was nice meeting you.
And you.

And good luck.

You too.

Wait, wait, wait! Um...

What? We made a deal, remember?

You drive me into London, and I
take you for an expensive dinner.

I mean, I still owe you, right?
Right.

Oh, hi! Hiya.

Um, yes, I'd like
to order some food.

Delivery.

Um, I'd like to order a steak.

(mouthing)

Uh, medium. And, um, lamb

with that spicy mint sauce
on the side.

And, um, some Dom... Dan...

Dom Perignon. The champagne.

Yes. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Thank you. Bye.

I, uh... Whoo!

I, um, sometimes catch myself thinking
the most awful things, you know?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

So, what about you?

Do you, you know,
ever think terrible things?

Sometimes I think I should
just pack up and clear out.

Just go. Go where?

Don't know.

First flight anywhere.
To hell with them all.

You said... you said,
"To hell with them all."

Who's "them"? Well, my
friends, for example.

Ohh. Who aren't really
your friends at all, right?

Forget your birthdays, take you for
granted, talk about themselves.

Exactly.

Who else?

The person who burgled my flat
three times in the last year.

He burgled mine, too.

The people I work for.
What about them?

They're so... powdered.
And middle-aged.

And perfumed. And lecherous.

And so spectacularly,
flipping untalented.

All I wanna do is take a mirror
and hold it up

to their grotesque, sagging,
surgically adjusted faces and say,

"Forget it! Get back to
your wife." Exactly.

Whoo! Jesus. This...

Oh, my God. I don't believe it.

What is that - London Bridge?
Albert Bridge.

Albert Bridge. Prince...

Hold on.

Aha.

At your service.
Very good thinking.

Yep.

Thank you. Cheers.

Cheers.

You know, all of my life,
I was told,

if I worked hard,
stayed out of trouble,

my life would be a fairy tale.

In 1988, my high school
gave me this plague,

you know, "Most Likely
To Be Successful."

You know where it hangs?

It's hanging by my desk
in a rental car company.

Where you work
over 60 hours a week.

Yeah. For a Neanderthal boss

who sticks his ass
on the copy machine.

So, what - it all
became clear in here?

Exactly.

Except it was here.

It was like my eyes
just completely opened up.

You know, like... like St. Paul
on the road to that wherever...

Damascus. Yes, exactly.

And one night, I realized,
if I wanted to,

I could just take off.
Who'd miss me?

No one.

So the next morning,
I picked up my check,

which was a couple hundred
dollars...

packed my bags, and the first
flight I could afford was London,

so voilà, here I am.

First flight anywhere. Mm-hmm.

Just take someone with you.

Trust me -
it's less scary that way.

Finding the right person -
you need someone

with all the right similarities...
Mm-hmm.

Yet all the right differences.

Someone to read your mind
instinctively. Thanks.

Yet cover your weaknesses.

Can I ask you a question?
Mm-hmm.

Do you believe that things
happen for a reason?

I don't understand.

Well, I'm starting to believe

that nothing happens
without a reason.

You know, these random things
that happen aren't random at all.

I think things happen because...

well, they're meant to happen.

Like... like I think
I was meant to come to London.

You know?
Just something pulling me here.

Some... way or somehow,

there were better things
in store for me.

Like... like what?

Like...

(knock at door)

(man) Room service.

Oh, my God. What?

The food. The food?

We ordered food. Remember?
Mint sauce?

I remember.

OK, um... Well, um...

I'll go to the bathroom and you
can get the door in there.

(Martha sighs)

Oh, my God.

(knock)

Room service.

Yes!

For the lady. Thank you.

With the compliments
of Mr. Alfry.

Thank you.

Oy! Wait, wait, wait.
What was that name again?

Alfry, sir. Daniel Alfry.
There's a card in the flowers.

Oh, and dinner will be
right with you.

Thank you.

( Humming)

( singing)

( humming)

(gargles)

(sprays)

If they think there's gonna
be anything left of this place

when I get through,
they got another thing coming.

Laurence?

Laurence?

No.

Laurence!

Laurence!

That was typical.

It was the most perfect night
of your life...

And I froze.

Put Daniel first when I should've
thrown away his flowers

and taken her in my arms.
Yeah, but don't you see?

That's what makes you
so special.

You were loyal to a friend.
You put principles first.

You took the moral high ground.

Then how do you explain this?
What?

Right now,
she's asleep in my bed.

In your bed?

Well, unless I'm very much
mistaken, I, um...

I think I missed something.

You remember the following day,
Daniel invited us to lunch?

Yeah.

Well, it all happened then.

Laurence, help me out here.
You understand these things.

Describe to Frank
the perfect woman.

(laughs)

Please. Oh, you are sad.

Please.

The perfect woman?

Well, she'd have a light
in her eyes, um...

Yes? ...an infectious,
wonderful smile.

Yes?

Talking to her, you found
you've told her things

you've never told anyone.
I did. I did that.

Began to see things in a way you've
never seen them before. He did that.

Leaving her, you knew somehow
things had irreversibly changed.

Yes, yes! Would never
be the same again.

Exactly. Thank you, thank you.

So he didn't screw her. Of
course I didn't sleep with her.

Well, wee bollocks!
It's over 100 quid. So?

So I can't afford that.
(indistinct chatter)

Then stay at home.

Posing...

(indistinct chatter)

You're dead. Oh, shut up!

Both of you! You really wanna
hit each other, hit each other.

Just get it over and done with. Anything
but talking about it all the time.

Gives me a headache.

You was angry.

I was.

Furious.

Saw Daniel was involved.

Loyalty of friends always comes first.
Remember?

What happened next?

And adding them to the number
of your two longest suits.

(cell phone rings)

Sorry.

Hello?

It's me. I've got her.

Who? What do you mean, who?
Her! Daniel's American.

What do you mean, got her?
Eating out of my hand.

You know, pupils dilating.

Listen, where are you now?

In the café in the park.
I can't wait to tell Daniel.

I'm really gonna enjoy this.
Frank, listen to me.

I haven't got time for
a moral discussion, Florence.

I just wanted to tell
someone the good news.

(hangs up)

Ladies, I can explain.

There's something I have to do.
Something very important.

And if I don't do it now...
I may never forgive myself.

( "Step Into My World"
by Hurricane \♪1)

We don't live in the same world

I caught you looking in my world

As if you wanna be my girl

I think we're dreaming
the same dream...

a man in a dark coat...

I'll let you be in my dream

If you show me your dream

Tell me what it means

I don't wanna spend
the rest of my days

Running around

Chasing your shadow

So please don't let
this chance slip away

If you waste it this time

I won't be here tomorrow

Oh, there's another one.
What does he care about art?

This is the best
pick-up joint in London.

For sex.

You see that couple over there?
You see how bored they are?

That is just... No.

Comes to an art gallery
just to get laid.

All right, we'll do
an experiment. Come on.

I'll go that way.
You go that way.

Sorry.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?
I was just, um...

Do you have any idea
how weird this is?

Us meeting like this?

Aren't you pleased to see me?

No.

Yes, yes, I am. Yes, you are.

No, you're not. What's wrong?
Nothing.

I was just leaving. Me too.

Would you help me with my bags?

You know, I could take
the silence personally,

but after what you told me yesterday,
I'll assume that you're just nervous

and I'll take that
as a compliment.

And whatever it is you're
so angry about, just stop it!

I realize I owe you an apology. I
should've never accepted that hotel room.

It was irresponsible, the business
with the flowers and everything...

What happened to your hand?

I made an omelet this morning.

You know that they say that clumsiness
is linked to your emotions?

Oh, is that right?

You'll allow me to take that
as a second compliment.

In the absence of
any conversation, that is.

Wow.

This is great.

My apartment, I'd have
to walk up 16 stories.

The elevator works OK, but
it's strictly for drug deals

and contract fellatio.

Uh, sorry. Let me get the door.

Um, follow me.

If you wanna make
yourself comfy...

I'll, um, make us...
(phone ringing)

some tea. Yum.

I'll be right back. OK.

Hello. It's me.

(whispering) Daniel!
This isn't a good time.

You're right.
It's a terrible time.

I'm 33 years old and I feel
like a jilted teenager.

I've bunkeded up
on a diet of chocolate

and afternoon television
and books...

books that I don't
even understand.

Daniel, this really isn't...

Laurence, I hurt in places
I didn't know existed.

Daniel, I said
this isn't a good time!

(dial tone)

Laurence?

This for your card playing?
Yeah.

Thought you said you had no talent.
I don't.

Then why does it have
your name on it?

Oh, my partner did all the work.
Your partner?

Mm. He really could read people.

Oh, come on, you can do that.
I'm sorry?

Well, if someone's telling
the truth or if they're lying,

you know, you can learn
how to read the signs.

Like right now, you're still
upset about something.

Oh, really?

Are these yours? Hmm?

They're good.

I just paid you a compliment.
You could smile a little.

Thank you.

Whatever it is that's so
important, just say it, OK?

You've been like this ever since we
ran into one another. No, I haven't.

Well, then why are you
looking at me like that?

(phone ringing) Because I...

You... Because what?

Because!
(phone continues ringing)

Will you excuse me?

Sure.

Yes!

(Frank) I give up, you know?

I no longer understand women.

Frank, this isn't a good time.

(chuckling) Yeah.

Yeah, it's a bloody
terrible time.

We were at the gallery.

You know, she was eating
out of my hand.

All of a sudden,
she just... just like that,

just disappears on the way
back to Daniel. To Daniel?

Yeah. Well, she had her heart set
on him all along, didn't she?

I mean, I gave it my best shot.

A credit to him.
He's gone well and truly.

Daniel.

Well, she told me herself,
you know.

She met him at the airport,
didn't she?

(mocking) The moment
she saw him, she knew.

Something about
his little brown jacket.

Khaki trousers. I didn't
know he wore khaki trousers.

Florence?

Laurence? Laurence.
Oh, don't get...

(hangs up)

Everything OK?

Everything's fine.
You just relax.

(groaning) Mummy... Mummy...

Mummy! Martha!

Oh!

(moans)

(siren)

Laurence?

Laurence.

Good morning. Morning.

Tea time.

Are you gonna ask me questions
or do I just talk?

(sighs)

I wanna talk about love...

friendship and deceit.

I wanna talk about the fact
that, up until three days ago,

there were friends...

Oh, my God.

Do you know anyone in London?
Mm-mm.

I'm Martha, by the way. I know.

Would you take it? Probably no.

When I found out Daniel
had been in Minneapolis,

I decided to meet his flight.

It was a disaster, that night.
I didn't sleep at all.

Surprise, surprise.
I think it was fine.

You was angry.

I was.

Which brings us up to date.

You have a decision to make.

Yes.

Lifelong friends on one side,

a woman on the other.

Perhaps the closest friends
you'll ever have.

Buddies through thick and thin.
What's the problem?

Bearing in mind there's no such
thing as a difficult decision.

I'm sorry?

Well, every day we make hundreds
of thousands of decisions.

In a year, they run
into tens of millions.

People get themselves
into knots.

The truth is,
decisions are easy.

You know why?

Because every time every time

we already know the answers.

You think? Absolutely.

Trade secret I always tell my boys.
Oh...

You see, you didn't come
to see me to make a decision.

You came to me because you didn't
like the decision you'd already made.

(beeping)

Sorry, Laurence. Time's up.

Thank you very much.
I felt so good.

So do I. I'm always here.

I'm sorry for waking you. No...

It's funny -

there's a psychiatrist
living next-door to me.

And you chose to talk to me.

And I'm flattered.

It's been a pleasure
meeting you, Laurence.

You're... you're not...?

What line of work are you in?
Just out of interest.

Construction. Construction?

Mm.

You take care now.

Thank you.

Martha?

Martha.

(Martha) Breakfast -
flower market café in square.

Excuse... Oh, my God. What...?

(Daniel) Funny.

Laurence? Oh, what the
hell is going on?

What the hell are you doing here?
Would you please...

(Frank) Oh, we've been set up.

(Frank laughs)

Very funny, very funny.
Well done.

Ohh!

(overlapping chatter)

This is pretty funny, huh?

(chuckles) Hilarious.

Listen, um, before I take off,
I just need to know,

does this happen all the time?
No, no, no.

These male clubs where guys pick up a girl,
set her up and they make her fall in love

and then they rip the rug out
from underneath their feet.

Does this happen all the time, or
have I just been really unlucky?

Oh, no, no. I can explain.

Frank, shut up. What could
you possibly explain to me?

You see, I'm a little bit
older than six,

and the only people interested in
you are six-year-old girls. Sorry.

Martha, Martha, this is...
Daniel, uh-uh.

Please.

You're a sweet little man...

But 100 bucks says
that you took those books

and you put them right back up without
reading a single one of them.

Am I right? My books?

Yeah. Actually, I
did do that, yes.

Uh-huh.

See, maybe it's me.

I mean, I thought that this
would be different, you know?

But if you think that this is
gonna get me down, you're wrong.

Because I'm tough. You know.

I've made a decision.

I've changed my life - something
none of you have the courage to do.

None of you!

Are you just gonna stand there, or
do you have anything to say to me?

Yeah, well, I think I can explain
if you just give me the time.

I don't know who he is. I
actually don't understand...

Don't freeze on me.

Don't freeze on me now, please.

Please don't.

Frank, shut up!
Don't tell me to shut up!

Shut up! You are so arrogant!

What the hell are you so uptight about?
Wait. Wait!

(overlapping arguing) Martha!

Laurence, I'm sorry, mate.
I wasn't...

Aah!

Don't push me.

Don't push me. You see? You see?

Don't push me.

You'll regret it. Yeah? What
are you gonna do about it?

Ow! That was my arm.

Aah! Like it? Like it?
See? It hurts.

Yeah.

Ah! Stop! My eye, my eye.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry. My eye.

Ha! Aah! Aah!

(Frank and Daniel
grunting and yelling)

(Frank) You... Ow!

Sir? The first flight
anywhere for 99 pounds.

I beg your pardon?
You heard what I said.

You have a date in mind
for your return?

No return. I beg your pardon?

I'm not coming back. One way.

Thank you.
'Cause there comes a point

when you find the one person,

the one thing
that ever mattered.

Oh, damn it!

Instead of holding it tight
and recognizing it

for the priceless,
most beautiful,

precious gift it is,

Ohh!

Instead of having the courage...

you do what you've done
all your life, all your life.

You freeze. Freeze!

So the truth is, whatever name
you pull out of that hat,

things will be a whole lot
better there than they are here.

Reykjavik.

I'm sorry?

Capital of Iceland, sir.

Some attractive features,
I'm told.

400 miles of iceberg,
longhaired sheep

and 20 hours of darkness a day.

Your flight leaves
at 2200 hours.

Reykjavik.

First flight anywhere...

99 pounds.

Thank you.

Have you made a decision yet,
madam?

( Rock)

(Frank) Deny to me.

Deny that it felt good.

It felt good.

It felt bloody magnificent.

I feel like I've become a member of
some historic male club, you know.

This is how woman feel
when they give birth.

Yeah. Yeah, except
for the hands probably.

Yeah. Why don't they tell you it hurts
hands like that. I never knew that.

Come on.

I can't work out
what he was doing there.

You mean Laurence? Yeah.

(Frank) Standing there
with those flowers.

What were they? Peonies? He
probably got them for his flat.

Yeah, he's probably got his
stick in his bridge trophies.

Can you imagine
if he was there to meet her?

Excuse me. Excuse me.
A moment, sir.

You're the 100,000th passenger

to fly on this airline
this year.

Right. And to mark the occasion,

the airline would like
to fly you first class.

First class?

Would you like another drink?
Thank you.

Here we go, sir. First class.
Here's your seat down here.

You sure this is, um...
Yes, yes.

Iceland, huh?

(Martha) London and Amsterdam,
that's, like, not even...

(Laurence) 40 minutes, I know.
You didn't recommend it.

(Martha) Well, we have
all the time in the world.

( "I Only Want to be With You"
by Dusty Springfield)

I don't know what it is
that makes me love you so

I only know
I never wanna let you go

'Cause you've started something

Oh, can't you see?

That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

It happens to be true

I only want to be with you

It doesn't matter
where you go or what you do

I want to spend each moment
of the day with you

Oh, look what has happened
with just one kiss

I never knew that
I could be in love like this

It's crazy but it's true

I only want to be with you

You stopped and smiled at me

Asked if I'd care to dance

I fell into your open arms

And I didn't stand a chance

Now, listen, honey,

I just wanna be beside you
everywhere

As long as we're together,
honey, I don't care

'Cause you've started something

Oh, can't you see

That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

No matter what you do

I only want to be with you

Oh, oh, you stopped
and you smiled at me

Asked if I'd care to dance

I fell into your open arms

I didn't stand a chance
Now hear me tell you

I just want to be beside you
everywhere

As long as we're together,
honey, I don't care

'Cause you've started something

Oh, can't you see

That ever since we met
you've had a hold on me

No matter what you do

I only want to be with you

I said no matter,
no matter what you do

I only want to be with you

( "Fools Like Us"
by Echo and the Bunnymen)

It's fools like us

Always fooled

By the bright side of life

Then life on the cool

How does it turn

How does it turn

Into the dying embers

From a love that burned

On its way to your heart somehow

On its way to your heart somehow

On its way to your heart somehow

They're falling again

My shining stars

From out of your heaven

And into my heart

Ribbons and chains

Ribbons and chains