01x21 - Dangerous Liaisons: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Don't forget to floss.

Didn't you have a date with the upstairs bathroom?

Aye-aye, Captain-- finished.

Is Matt washing the car?

Oh-- well, he knows you want him to and he does value his life, so I'm guessing yes.

And is Mary...?

She's vacuuming everything that doesn't move, and Lucy is changing sheets like she's Florence Nightingale.

Okay, okay-- I'm just a little nervous about Daddy coming, you know.

I want everything to be perfect.

Oh, I think everything's going to be fine.

I'm making chicken soup; it's his favorite.

He probably hasn't had it since...

What are Simon and Ruthie doing?

Simon and Ruthie?

Uh... what are they supposed to be doing?

Come on, girl.

You saw how Mom was about Grandpa coming.

If you don't let us do it, she's going to send you to Groom World and Mr. Pete.

We know how you hate Mr. Pete.

What did you kids...? How did you...?

I'll take care of this.

Let me just go put on my bathing suit.

Kidding-- go.

All will be washed.

Um, exactly how much trouble are we in on a scale of one to ten, ten being boarding school?

Yeah, like we could afford boarding school.

It's okay.

Your mom's just nervous because Grandpa hasn't been here for a long time.

Since Grandma d*ed.

Right.

Poor Grandpa.

All sad and alone.

Yeah.

Don't worry, Ginger.

Eric, Annie and the kids are going to fall in love with you.

Sure?

Of course.

I did.

Okay.

Mary, why is there a grab bag of junk under the couch?!

Mom, the vacuum doesn't fit under there.

I'm sorry, I should have either moved it or got the whatchamacallit attachment thing.

I'll do it.

What are we doing now?

Going to the park.

You mean we have to clean the park for Grandpa, too?

No, sweetheart, you're going to the park just to play.

That's good, because the park is really big.

Look, I'll have this done for you by the time you get back.

I promise.

You know? Tell you what.

You two go to the park and I'll finish up here, okay?

I'm sorry I'm such a grouch.

It's just that Grandpa's coming and...

Mom's nervous because it's his first visit since...

I know.

Be back in a half an hour, okay?

No problem, but I just don't know why you want to do it all yourself, Mom.

You want to help?

Find that guy a home.

Oh...

I hate to tell you this, but I think I just gave your husband away.

Simon, give me that!

What's the big deal?

It's a Cosmo, not a Playboy.

But still you're too young to be reading it.

Knowledge is power.

You're right, and I think that my knowledge of your having that, and the thr*at of passing that knowledge along to Mom, gives me all the power.

Now fork it over.

You probably just want it for yourself.

It's not like you're really worried about me seeing anything bad in there.

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

There's no reason to be snippy about it.

Hmm.

Grandpa's plane's a half hour late.

Call your mom and tell her?

I need a quarter.

What? I didn't bring any change.

I wasn't expecting tolls.

Okay.

Excuse me, do you have change for a dollar?

Wha...?

That wasn't a line, I...

I really do need change.

Your attention, please.

Baggage from Flight 451...

It's not nice to sneak up on people.

Oh, really?

You know, a little blonde rinse would give your hair a very good new look.

You think?

Yep. There's a free sample right inside there.

Nice potato.

Can you believe some people actually eat those?

Yeah, well, I found it under my couch.

See, our grandpa's coming to visit and I was supposed to vacuum and I didn't move the couch and my mom got...

This is the most boring story in the world, isn't it?

The most boring, no.

Top ten, maybe, but not the most.

Hey, you guys want to hang out with us?

I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.

That's right.

Then I guess we shouldn't be strangers anymore.

Then we can talk.

I'm Wilson and this is Billy.

I'm Mary and this is Ruthie. Okay?

I guess, but let's not get too chummy.

Want to play cars?

Wilson-- that's a cool name.

How'd your parents come up with it?

That would be a boring story.

Um, I was thinking it'd be fun if we did something really special in honor of Grandpa's visit.

Uh-huh-- how special?

Well, like... what if I put a little something in my hair?

Maybe a touch of blonde to lighten it up.

Oh, honey, your hair is so pretty.

Is this a Jimmy Moon thing?

No, I just sort of feel like a change.

I'll think about it.

Thanks, Mom, you're the coolest.

"Thinking about" is not a yes.

But it's close.

Hi, did you clean up your room or just stuff everything in the closet?

No way, Mom.

Good boy.

I stuffed everything in the drawers and under the bed, too.

I'm going to go check.

It better at least look clean.

Did Lucy ask you about changing her hair?

Yeah, she did.

I said I'd think about it.

So you play in school, huh?

And the coach says I'm her only prospect for a college scholarship.

You must be pretty good.

Oh, wow, I got to go.

I was supposed to have Ruthie back like ten minutes ago.

Oh, listen, Mary.

I was wondering if you'd like to go to a movie or something tonight.

I know your grandfather's coming in and everything, but... I just really like hanging out with you.

Couple hours, tops.

Oh, I don't know, I'll have to ask my parents.

I could ask them for you.

Parents like me.

No, I'll do it.

Let me give you my number.

Excellent.

Where's Dad?

Well, he's right behind me.

Honey... um, honey, maybe we should just talk for a sec before he comes in.

Why? What's wrong? Is he okay?

Oh, yeah, he's... he's doing surprisingly well.

Where's my little girl?

Daddy!

I've missed you so much!

Annie, this is my girlfriend, Ginger.

Ginger, this is my little girl, Annie.

It's just buffet style, so serve yourself and grab a seat, okay?

Mom's acting really weird.

Weird? She's freaking out.

Well, why don't I say a quick blessing?

We thank you for this food, Lord, and, uh, any other help you can pass our way about now would be greatly appreciated.

With an eye toward peace and harmony, amen.

Annie, this soup looks just delicious.

My mother taught me how to make it.

Well, I... I'd love to get the recipe.

I'll bet you would.

So your Matt here came very close to a smooth landing with a great-looking girl at the airport today.

Um, close doesn't count.

You being with me was cramping my style.

Mary met a boy at the park.

She gave him her phone number.

He was there with his brother.

He goes to private school, he's 17, and he's just really nice.

Did he ask you out?

Yes, but I told him I didn't know because Grandpa was coming.

Well, I'm sure it'd be okay, you know, since Grandpa brought a date.

Well, Ginger and I don't want to interfere with anyone's plans.

We're going over to our hotel after lunch, anyway.

Uh, Eric, Annie, we were hoping to take you kids to dinner tonight.

Hotel?!

You're going to stay in a hotel?

Well, we, uh, we got a great two-for-one deal through our travel club.

Oh, so you guys are planning to do a little traveling together, huh?

Sounds, uh, pretty neat.

Yeah, neat.

Really neat.

Way neat.

Yeah, boy, traveling can sure be... uh...

Neat?

Neat.

Ginger is perfectly nice, and you know it.

Okay, so she wasn't, like, horrible.

She's cool.

She sure is.

She's okay.

She's cool and she's really pretty.

Cool and pretty.

She's sort of pretty, I guess.

You guess?

Oh, give us a break.

Okay, so Ginger is cool and pretty.

But still, if Mom doesn't like her, I don't, either.

You're only sympathizing with her so she'll let you color your hair.

She'll let me color my hair.

It's just a matter of asking her at the right time.

What are you, nuts?

Hello.

Oh, hi, Wilson.

And then Grandpa hit on you?

That is so cool!

What was his line?

Uh, well, um, we were both having dinner alone at a restaurant and he came over and asked me if I was waiting for anybody.

I said I wasn't, and so he asked if he could join me.

Smooth move, Grandpa.

I still have a couple.

And that was three months ago?

Wow!

Are you guys going to get married?

Oh, well, I don't know, Simon.

I mean, I think it's a little soon to be talking about marriage.

But you're going steady, right?

Yeah, yeah, I guess we are.

I hope so.

Do you have any kids?

Three sons.

Any grandkids?

A bunch.

Have they met Grandpa?

Do they like him?

Not a bit.

Hated me the minute I walked in.

Why?

They think I want to be their new grandpa.

Do you?

No, son.

No one can take the place of someone who's passed away.

I guess.

It's tricky, though.

It's very tricky, Simon.

Speaking of tricks, does Happy know any new ones?

Does she ever!

We're like two away from getting on the Letterman show.

Foot... foot... foot.

Happy... come on.

Mom, are you okay?

Nope.

The trash is done.

What else can I do?

Oh, just one more thing, honey.

You can take Ginger out to the airport and put her on the next plane back to Phoenix.

Um, you're being awfully tough on Ginger, aren't you, Mom?

I mean, it has been six months since Grandma d*ed.

Sure it was a shock but, uh, she seems really very nice.

You know, it's probably just a fling, anyway.

Fling?!

No, my father does not fling.

Right, right, um, I know.

Uh, what I meant was, um...

Annie, honey, could you or Eric run us over to the hotel?

We'd like to get settled in before dinner.

Matt can take you.

Swell.

Hey, how did you kids like Ginger?

She's something, huh?

She's just swell, Dad.

Well, come on, Grandpa.

We better get going.

We'll make that dinner reservation!

I don't need a hug!

I need to vent!

Okay, no hugging.

Venting-- got it. Fire away.

How could he start seeing another woman this soon?

And if he were, why bring her here?

What about my feelings?

What about the children's feelings?

Last, and definitely least, my feelings.

No jokes, no hugs, just venting.

Sorry.

I mean, it's like he has no respect for my mother's memory.

That's what it is-- just plain disrespect.

Is it okay if I put some rinse in my hair?

It is unforgivable.

Yeah, that's fine.

I'm going to call the hotel.

I bet you they are staying in the same room, uh-huh.

Honey, they're not staying in the same room.

Hello.

Is a Charles Jackson registered there?

Yes, and a Ginger... uh, Ginger...

What was that home wrecker's last name?

I didn't catch it.

Ginger somebody.

What do you mean you don't know?

How can you not know?

How many Gingers do you have there?

I mean, is there a Ginger convention in town or something?

He doesn't know. Huh!

What kind of hotel is that?

Honey, why don't you just take a deep breath and try to relax?

Bite me.

Bite me?

I tried to tell you that you can't surprise people with us.

She would have been just as upset if I'd told her beforehand.

Once Annie gets to know you, she'll... she'll be fine.

Oh, wow, that's the girl at the airport that blew me off.

Pull over.

Park the car. Huh?

Park the car, walk right up to the door and introduce yourself.

You've got to be bold and daring in matters of the heart.

That's how I met Ginger.

Okay, maybe you're right.

If this doesn't work, it'll just be our little secret.

Yeah.

Can I help you?

Hi, I'm Matt Camden.

I know this is going to sound weird, but is that girl you walked up here with your daughter?

Yes, she is.

Oh, great! See, I saw your daughter this morning at the airport, but she wouldn't give me the time of day, so she's probably not interested, but I was driving by with my grandpa and thought maybe it was fate and I should take a chance and come up and introduce myself, but now I feel like a complete idiot and I'm really sorry.

You probably think I'm a stalker, but I'm not.

I've just never seen your daughter around anywhere and she just seems really cool and...

I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

Should I go?

That is the most I've ever heard a person say in one sentence.

Why don't you come in and say all that to Heather... or make it half that.

I think half would probably be enough.

I'm Donna Cain.

Nice to meet you.

I'll go get Heather.

Okay.

Matt... sit down.

This is Heather.

Hi, Heather.

I'm... I'm Matt Camden.

I saw you at the airport this morning with my dad.

He's a minister, not that that means anything, except, well, he's a minister.

See, my grandpa's plane was late and we didn't have change to call my mom and tell her, so that's why I asked you if you had change for a dollar, but I also wanted to meet you because I think you're really pretty and seemed like somebody who I wanted to meet and now I sound like an idiot, don't I?

Heather says, "Thank you.

"That was really gutsy of you to come up here like that, but, um, now what?"

Uh, I was... I was hoping maybe we could go out sometime, or something.

"That would be nice, but I'm only home for a short time.

"I go to a school for the deaf back East, "and I only have this short time to spend with my mom."

Heather, I think it might be nice for you to get to know some people in the neighborhood, especially since you'll be home here all summer.

"Are you sure you want to go out with me now that you know I'm deaf?"

Um, yeah.

Uh, yes.

"Have you ever gone out with a deaf girl before?"

No.

"I've never gone out with a hearing person before.

I don't think it would work out."

I think it would be good for you to get to know some hearing people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can be your starter hearing person.

Um, I'm supposed to go to a party.

You know, maybe you want to go with me and then we could get something to eat.

Um, I didn't catch that last one.

Oh, um...

Heather says okay, she'll give it a try, but if it sucks, she warned you.

Come by at 7:30.

How do you say, "Sounds great"?

Like this... wiggle.

Come on, Simon, didn't you learn any sign language from Sesame Street?

What are you so nervous about?

You're probably better off with a girl that can't hear what you're saying, anyway.

You know, one day you're going to meet a girl and fall madly in love with her, and I'm going to remember this and be no help to you at all.

Nice try, but I've seen your work.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I don't recall your ever getting past a third date with the same chick, right?

Yeah, so maybe this time's different.

I mean, come on, you got to remember something, anything--

"Hi," "hello," "how are you"?

I'm fine, how are you?

Oh, okay...

I think I remember one.

Yeah... okay, yeah, what does it mean?

"Turtle."

Didn't you learn any human stuff?

Hey, I'm giving you what I know.

I haven't seen Sesame Street in years.

Oh, wow, I got to get going.

Good luck.

Thanks.

You're going to need it.

She's going to think he's an idiot.

Honey, aren't you going to change to go out to dinner?

If I changed to go out to dinner, it would mean I was planning to go out to dinner now, wouldn't it?

Okay, now, I know there's no right answer to this, so I'm going with a simple "Why not, honey?"

Not hungry.

Okay, you're not hungry, you're not hungry.

Have you called your Dad and told him you're not hungry?

Why should I? He didn't call me to tell me he was tom-catting around with that woman!

Annie, you can't just ignore your father the whole time he's here.

Watch me.

That's, uh, probably Mary's date.

You want to come out and meet him?

If you were out on a first date, would you want to meet me right now?

Okay, I can do this, no problem.

I got it.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi there, you must be Mr. Camden.

And you must be Mary's date, Artie.

Well, actually, I'm Mary's date, Wilson.

Dad... Oh, right, sorry--

Artie was last night.

Tell him you're kidding, and you're not funny.

I'm kidding and I'm not funny.

She hasn't had a date for months.

Dad! Okay, I'm kidding, I'm still not funny and, uh, nice to meet you, Wilson.

A pleasure.

These are for you.

And these are for you.

Thanks!

So where are you thinking of taking my daughter tonight, Wilson?

Well, I'm thinking about a movie, but movies are bad first dates because you can't talk.

So I thought if I was going to get anywhere, I should lay on the charm down at Eddie's Pool Hall.

I mean, if that's all right with you.

Did you say "get anywhere"?

Dad, we're just going to play pool or pinball or something.

You know, I play a little pool now and then myself.

Yeah, I'm not very good, I just enjoy it.

Me, too-- maybe we could have a friendly game sometime.

I don't think so.

Volvo, huh?

Yeah, it was the family car.

I bought it off my dad with money I earned from my jobs.

What kind of jobs?

Okay, Dad, the ice is getting real thin.

I'm a lifeguard at the local Y.

I also teach children's swimming classes.

Can we go now?

You know, you seem like a very nice young man, Wilson.

But we don't really know you and we haven't seen you around and we're not in the habit of letting Mary go out with strangers.

Actually, Reverend, you know my father.

He's your ophthalmologist.

Jeffrey West is your father?

Yes, sir.

That's too bad; he's a really nice guy... which hurts my argument for not letting you go out with Mary.

Yeah, I was hoping it would.

And if that's not enough... I wrote down my beeper number just in case you start to flip out or anything.

That's very thoughtful, but not necessary.

Okay.

I'll take it... just so I have it.

Since you wrote it down and everything, it's...

Have a good time.

Candy?

Not hungry.

Is he nice?

Yeah, he is nice.

My guess is Mary's going to rip his heart out.

Yeah?

Eric, this is Charles.

Ginger and I are getting pretty hungry.

We were wondering when we can expect you.

Ahh, that's a good question.

Here's the thing, Charles...

Eric, let me tell you how well I know my daughter.

She's in the room with you there, right?

Uh-huh.

She's pouting, she's mean as a rattle snake, she's got her face buried in a magazine and she's furious with me.

Actually it's the paper, but right.

Well, Ginger and I are just going to go out and have dinner.

We'll talk to you kids tomorrow.

And don't worry about Annie and me, we'll work it out.

We're here for a week.

I mean, what's not to like about Ginger, huh?

We'll talk to you tomorrow.

I don't want to talk about it.

Fair enough.

She makes your father happy.

And I bet I know how.

He loves you more than anything in the world.

I know.

I hate her.

I really hate her.

Let me get that.

I'm sorry.

This isn't going to be easy.

Oh...

♪I can't deny these things I want to say ♪

♪ Babe, it's been a long time coming... ♪ Right.

♪ And I don't think I can hold it back anymore ♪

♪ Babe, it's been a long time coming ♪

♪ And I just can't say the words... ♪

Man, you know... you know, I'm only going to let you win so many, then... I destroy you.

Well, thanks for the 90,000-point lead.

Yeah, well...

Oh, no.

Just ignore these guys; they're huge jerks.

Hey, Mary, this guy hitting on you?

No, but thanks for caring.

Bye, Michael.

Listen, I'm not hitting on her.

We're kind of like, you know, out... on a date?

Okay, a date-- right.

What is it, "Beauty and the Beast Night"?

Whatever.

Come on, Wilson, let's go.

Didn't Michael tell you I don't play this?

Hey, I guess you feel like a real man now, huh, pal?

Don't even listen.

Sorry, I already did.

I don't like blonde hair on anyone but Mommy.

I didn't do it for you.

A woman needs a change now and then.

Well, I'll bet Jimmy Moon won't like it either.

Don't listen to her.

Jimmy Moon will like the blonde hair.

He'll go nuts over the blonde hair-- guys love blondes.

You better be right about this.

Please...

I know what I'm talking about.

Hey.

She's not deaf.

She's just goofing on him.

How does he know what she's saying?

What'd you do?

Nothing.

What's wrong with your chick?

I don't know, but if it's something you did, you better run the next time you see me coming.

Heather, stop.

Wait a minute.

Wait... wait, please.

"Home now."

I got it.

Hello.

Hi, Ginger.

Uh...

Hi, Annie.

I was wondering if we could talk.

I don't think so.

Oh...

I'm sorry.

So am I.

I'd better go.

No, no, no, come in, come in.

We'll fix this;

I don't know how, but, uh... we'll fix this.

My wife's a terrific person, Ginger, you just have to give her time to come around.

Maybe I'm trying too hard.

I just so wanted it to work.

When Charles popped into my life, it was like an ocean breeze, Eric.

He made me feel so free, so alive.

You're in love with him.

Yes...

I suppose I am.

You see... we were hoping if our families approved that maybe we could make some plans.

You know, at our age, the future is now.

But... neither family seems to approve, so... I don't know where that leaves us.

Well, it leaves you together and in love-- which is the best place two people can be.

We came too soon.

Well, look, don't go rushing back to Arizona just yet.

Have a little faith.

Things have a way of working out around here.

Thanks, Eric.

Hey, no problem.

Luce?

Dad...

Luce?

Dad?

Aw, gee, Luce...

I know!

Why did you let me do this?!

Me?

This is the rinse that I went into the kitchen and I asked you!

Oh, right, sure, oh...

Well, it's not permanent, is it?

No, but it won't just wash out.

I see.

Okay, well...

I think it's a nice change of pace.

You can get a new perspective for a day or two.

It won't wash out in a day or two!

Okay, that's good because real perspective takes longer.

Why don't we see how it looks over a bowl of ice cream, okay?

I'd rather be under the bowl.

Come here.

Mom...

Oh, not right now, Simon.

Why don't you like Ginger?

What makes you think that?

Come on, Mom, I do kind of know you.

You know, Grandpa said that Ginger's sons hate him, too.

Really?

Why?

They think that Grandpa is trying to replace their dad.

Yeah... I know exactly how they feel.

What was I supposed to do?

You could have let me handle it.

I was the one they were picking on.

No, you see, that's only what it looked like.

They were really picking on me.

They were just using you to do it.

And yet the insults were aimed at me.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Some guys from her school were hassling me.

She stepped in like Rambo before I could even defend myself.

You want me to talk to her for you?

Who are you?

Oh, sorry-- Matt, older brother.

Wilson.

I used to date your sister.

When you see Lucy, tell her she never looked better or I'm a dead man.

Don't even think about giving me a lecture.

Wow!

What'd you do to... make your hair look so blonde, and, um... beautiful?

I'm trying to figure out if you're lying, and if I think you are, I will be k*lling Simon tonight.

It's some kind of color stuff.

Evidently you put it on your hair and it... does that.

Oh.

How was your date?

It didn't turn out so good.

What happened?

I'm not quite sure.

So go find out-- give her a call.

Oh, right-- I forgot.

Well... you'll straighten it out.

I'm open to suggestions.

Why don't you call her house and invite Heather and her mother to church tomorrow?

What a shock, you'd suggest going to church.

You know, Dad, it's possible church isn't the answer to every problem.

It's also possible it is.

Uh, Mrs. Cain, Matt Camden.

Do you like church?

Hi.

Hi, buddy.

Hi.

I'm sorry.

Me, too.

I'm Annie Camden, another person in the universe.

Right, this is my mom.

Of course.

Hi.

And who are you, Slugger?

This is Billy.

Well, hi, Billy.

We're real glad to have you and your big brother with us.

I think I'll go inside and get seats for everyone.

Thanks, Mrs. Camden.

I was hoping I would see you here.

I'm glad you came.

Me, too.

Well, we should probably go in.

Yeah.

Mary...

I wanted to tell you before, but I was afraid you wouldn't go out with me.

Billy isn't my little brother.

He's my son.

Mom, wait!

Mary!