01x09 - See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Good move, hooey.

Hold your breath, I've got to get something.

Why? It's just the chicken pox.

It'll probably be the last time. Come on!

Mom said I don't have to hold my breath.

Yeah, well, I'd like to think I know a little bit more about the chicken pox than mom does.

But you don't have to tell her I said that.

Would you just hold your breath?

I'll be out in 2 seconds. Please?

Ok.

You breathed.

Just out. You just did it again!

I can't help it. It just does it.

If you're so worried, why don't you just hold your own breath?

Either there's too much bass, or I'm having a heart att*ck.

Oh, it must be a loose wire. Pull over.

All righty-tighty!

Mom.

Just a second.

Mom!

I got it! Yes! Oh. All right.

Listen, this is going to be the easiest robbery you're ever going to have.

You want it, you got it.

Money. Give me your money.

Here's my purse.

Give me your wallet, man.

Give me your wallet!

Give me the jewelry.

Now the ring. I want your ring, too.

I can't get it.

I can't get--

Unit 419, please respond to a 211, valley creek road.

Victims calling from neighbors at scene. 1156 valley creek road.

Medium height, medium weight.

Well, we'll see what we can do.

In the meantime, you should change the locks.

Yeah, and it wouldn't hurt you to check out the local victim's support group.

Thanks.

Well, we're going to do everything we can to catch this guy, reverend.

I know. Thanks for everything, guys.

Including getting there so quickly. Thank you.

No problem. Good night.

Good night.

So...how you doing?

Fine. Thankful to be alive.

I'm just fine.

I'm going to go check on ruthie.

Ok, I'll be up in a minute.

How about you?

How you doing?

I'm fine. I'm just tired.

Yeah, well, you've been through a lot.

Yeah, I think I'm going to go hit the sack.

Ok.

He did what robbers do. They take your stuff.

But, you know, stuff is all replaceable.

Even your wedding ring?

Even my wedding ring.

You and daddy are still married, though, right?

Oh, yeah. Ring or no ring, he's stuck with me.

Simon, I don't think your precautions are going to work.

You were both exposed to the chicken pox, so it's just a matter of time until, you know.

I prefer to see the glass half-full, mom.

I do, too. That's why it's better for you to get them now than when you're older.

See, I think it would be better if I didn't have to live and sleep in here with the cootie carrier and just never get them at all.

I'm not the cootie carrier.

Are too!

Listen, you know what really happened?

You were exposed a week ago at sunday school, probably.

So the odds are against me?

That's ok. That's how I like it.

Well, good luck, Simon.

Yeah, good luck, Simon.

Good night, sweetie.

Were you scared, mom?

What?

When that guy robbed you, were you scared?

No. Nah, it wasn't that scary.

So, you guys get some sleep, ok? I love you.

How are mom and Matt?

They'll be ok.

Are you in a play, luce?

Cat on a hot tin roof?

No, I'm just thinking about wearing this to school tomorrow.

I don't think so. Come on, dad!

How old are you again? 12.

Uh, no.

But I'm announcing my candidacy for class president.

And I have to wear something that gets everyone's attention.

I think the idea is to say something that gets everybody's attention.

Yeah, right. Like that ever works.

Well, you know, Martin Luther King got the nation's attention with his "I have a dream" speech.

John Kennedy did ok with his "ask not" speech.

Dad, I've read her speech. She needs the dress.

Thanks.

You know, uh, I have spoken in public a few times, and...

I bet I have a couple of speeches around that could still juice up a crowd pretty good.

I have one from seminary school. It's electric.

Ooh, electric.

Uh, speaking of electric, dad, did you know that Mary's getting a tattoo?

What?

Oh, well, not "getting" getting, thinking about getting.

Talking to you about thinking about getting.

It's going to be a short talk.

See, dad, some of the other girls on the team and I want to get the school's mascot tattooed right here.

A small...

Tiny...

Microscopic size.

And you knew your mom would automatically say no, so if you could get me on your side, I could talk her into it for you.

Exactly. See, one of the girls' older brothers is a licensed tattoo artist, and he's doing 'em for free.

Oh, free. Yeah!

What, are you out of your mind?

Dad, everyone on the team is getting them, and if I don't, it'll be bad for team spirit.

Uh, this house is a tattoo-free zone.

Ok? Not now, not ever. You got it?

Yeah.

And listen, don't try to play one parent against the other.

Ok. Sorry, dad.

You had to try.

Good night. Night.

Good night.

I would have been scared.

Not me.

Red lightning isn't afraid of anything.

Then he's lucky.

It's not luck. It's his ring.

It protects him from almost everything.

Except for the chicken pox.

Does this outfit say, "trust me, I'm honest, dependable, and hard working"?

Well, it did when I wore it.

Yeah, well, you had a lot more to say it with.

How about this one? Charisma, empathy, leadership?

You're asking a lot from a jumper.

Now what?

Mary, there's a guy running around with the keys to our house.

There's nothing to worry about.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

What are you doing?

Saying my prayers.

Your prayers have the word "vote" in them?

That's between me and god.

Weeks ago, I said that ruthie shouldn't move in with me.

But did anyone listen? No. And what happens when nobody listens?

Someone gets hurt!

I hope you're happy.

Go back to bed. I'll bring you some juice up when I'm finished with these.

Hey, leopard-boy.

Don't make me breathe on you.

Go right ahead. I've already had the chicken pox.

Me, too.

I'm powerless?

Yeah.

Yeah? Oh...

Hey, don't scratch.

All right.

So what's with the robe?

I'm wearing it so I won't spill anything on my outfit.

Well, let's see it.

She's announcing her candidacy for class president today.

Not in that, she's not!

Oh!

So how you doing, mom?

Try me.

I was just asking out of concern, but now that you mentioned it, some of the other girls on the team are getting a wildcat tattooed on their ankle.

It would be a really small, tiny-- not on that ankle, you're not!

Mom!

No! No what?

No tattoo.

Sorry, dad.

Hey, dad, can I borrow your car keys?

Don't forget to have a couple of copies made on your way home from school.

Yeah, ok. I'm going to go start the car.

Tell Lucy to get a move on it.

Why are you going in so early, dad?

The choir master wants to talk to me about something.

Maybe he wants you to fire mittens.

Mittens?

Mrs. Hinkel, the organist?

Everybody calls her mittens because it sounds like she's wearing mittens when she plays the organ.

Thick ones. See you later.

Good luck today.

Yeah, right.

Can't be Mrs. Hinkel.

I mean, she's been a member of the church family for years.

It's got to be something else.

Well, maybe.

So, see you at lunch?

Some of us are itchier than others, but we're all fine.

Ok?

I just want things to get back to normal.

Ok.

Matt?

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't pull it together.

Matt, last night, a man put a g*n to your head and threatened your life.

Now, it would be nearly impossible for anyone to just pull it together a few hours after a trauma like that.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't think. I could barely breathe.

Those are all normal fear responses.

Not for mom.

She stayed so cool and handled everything while I just sat there and let some piece of garbage take all our stuff.

What do you think you should have done?

I don't know.

Something.

Anything but sit there while some guy rips off mom's wedding ring.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Whatever you did, it was perfect...

Because it got you both back home.

And, you know, it was just her ring.

It wasn't our marriage.

Doesn't feel like my life's ever going to be the same again.

It might not be.

But time will help, and so will talking about it.

If not to me, then to the people at victim's support.

You're not alone with this, Matt.

Yeah.

Well, I guess today's a good day for a sick day, huh?

So why don't you go back inside?

Tell your sisters I'm driving, and if they're not out here in 30 seconds, we're going to sing along the way--in rounds.

Ok.

Hey, dad?

Thanks.

No problem.

I'll call you later.

Ok.

So now you're running against me.

I'm not running against you. I'm running for president.

What's the big deal? It's nothing personal.

Well, it is personal.

That's why I've decided to make crime and safety the key issues in my campaign.

Me, too. What?!

They're topical issues in the nineties.

They're topical issues in my house. They've touched my family.

They've touched me, too.

How, exactly?

Through you.

Well, that might be something you won't have to worry about anymore.

Fine! Fine!

Fine! Fine!

So how's Matt doing?

Oh, as well as can be expected, I guess.

It's pretty terrifying for someone his age to come face to face with his own mortality.

Well, it usually is at any age.

I was robbed once in the parking lot of my school, and I was a lot more upset than you for a lot longer.

Yeah, you know, I'm just as surprised as you are that I'm not a little more wound up about this whole thing.

I don't know, maybe it's because everything happened so fast that I didn't have time to do anything but react, and now I have nothing to react to.

Maybe.

I do sort of feel naked without my wedding ring.

Well, you and that ring have been through a lot together.

18 years of kids, cleaning, laundry.

Ugh! You put it that way, I'm surprised the ring just didn't up and run away years ago.

Oh, I've got to get going.

Leaving the younger kids alone with those big kids for too long, that's asking for it.

You call, right?

And if you feel like talking or digging a moat...

I promise.

And you will let Eric know that we're all just fine.

He did ask you to check up on us, didn't he?

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.

I just came by for a cup of tea.

How late is Eric planning to work tonight?

He'll be at the office till 6:00.

You want to phone him from here?

No, no. I'm going to call him from home.

Give that man's sad plan some dignity. Bye, hon.

Bye.

What are you doing?

Hooey and I can only sleep on my hello kitty pillow.

Then you and hooey better quit throwing it up here.

Mom's changing the locks.

So? Remember that time she fooled with the TV antenna?

We got game shows from Japan.

Mom likes to do mechanical stuff. It's a woman thing.

I don't like sleeping down there.

I'm afraid of the dark.

Since when?

Since mom started changing the locks.

Get a night light.

It's not enough. It's scary down there.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Easy for you to say, but I'm on the bottom.

If the robber does come, he'll get me first.

But if I'm over here...

Then it would be easier for him just to grab me.

Yeah.

Mary?

Hey, guys. Hey.

You're going with us to get tattoos later, right?

I'll be there.

Cool. See you after school.

Bye.

Yeah.

♪ ...thy wounded side which flowed ♪

♪ be of sin the double cure ♪

♪ save from wrath and make me pure ♪

♪ could my tears forever flow ♪

♪ could my zeal no anger know ♪

♪ these for sin could not atone... ♪

Whoops.

♪ In my hand no price I bring ♪

♪ simply to the cross I cling ♪

Hey, do you mind keeping an eye on Simon and ruthie while I pick up the girls?

Well, you're busy. I'll go get 'em.

I can't stay in the house forever.

But you can stay as long as you need to.

Yeah, well, after an afternoon with Simon and ruthie, what I really need to do is get out of the house.

Are you sure?

I lost 3 games of candyland to ruthie's imaginary friend.

Hooey cheats, everybody knows that.

I called victim's support and talked to one of the counselors.

Was he helpful?

Just making the phone call was.

I'm going down there later. Do you want to go?

I'd be happy to go, if that's what you want.

I would do anything to make this go away for you.

I know, but I think the key is doing it for myself, one after-school pickup at a time.

Matt went to talk to the people at victim's support today.

Oh, yeah? How'd it go?

Well, he picked the girls up from school this afternoon.

No small feat under the best of circumstances.

Yeah.

What about you?

Listen, I want you to stop worrying about me.

You know, maybe it didn't hit me as hard because I'm older, but whatever the reason, I am fine.

Ok.

Oh, but we're going to have to do something about this.

Yeah, well, I saw the checkbook.

We'll have to do something about it next month.

How about you? How was your day?

Well, your sources were right.

Choir master wants me to fire Mrs. Hinkel.

I hadn't noticed that her playing had taken a turn for the unusual.

That's because you listen with this.

Listen, I'm going to go downstairs and grab a snack.

Do you want me to bring you something?

Nothing extra. Whatever you're having.

You got it.

Mom took happy.

Hmm?

Why are you up here?

Come on, happy, stay with me.

Did I disturb you? I didn't mean to disturb you.

I had no idea you'd be here this afternoon.

You weren't disturbing me at all.

Oh, good, I like to sneak in and warm up a little before sunday service.

Gladys bint told me about what happened with Matt and Annie.

I do hope she wasn't lying when she said they were fine, was she?

She does that sometimes, you know.

No, she wasn't lying.

Everybody's fine. We were very lucky.

We all need to be lucky from time to time.

Everyone in my bridge club is now carrying pepper spray.

I got the large size. I'm a quick draw.

I could bring down a rogue elephant if I had to.

Well, let's hoope you never have to.

Well, I sprayed the postmen and the man who checks the gas meter...

Twice.

Oh.

Well, speaking of pepper spray, you don't have it on you now, do you?

No. No. I only carry it when I deposit my check.

Oh, well, that's probably a good idea.

It occurred to me that, uh, maybe we should start talking about your future.

Um, your years of dedication and service to this church have been deeply appreciated, but it would be selfish to continue to ask for more from someone who's already given so much.

Are you f*ring me?

No, no, but...

We need to start thinking about your retirement.

You're right, of course.

Would it be all right if I played this sunday?

My swan song, as it were.

Yes. No, I didn't mean that you should leave us by sunday.

Take some time, think about it. We'll talk some more.

No, sunday's fine, thank you.

I know this was hard for you.

All right, this should help with the itching.

Are you sure? I mean, you wouldn't do something like this to me just for a joke, right?

Simon, nobody wants you back in school more than I do.

Thanks, mom.

Mary and I are going to the store.

We'll be back in a few minutes.

Can you get me something?

For you, kiddo, anything.

Red light bulbs.

Whatever. Thanks.

If you're so itchy, you should get in.

I'll even let you go first.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Everything ok? Yeah.

Just wondered if I could talk to you for a minute.

Uh, sure.

Here?

Well, I do a lot of talking and listening here.

What's on your mind?

Well, Lucy's always telling me how you're always helping people, and I need your help.

To do what?

To break up with Lucy, officially.

I don't think breaking up with my daughter is the kind of help my daughter was referring to.

I know, but I thought you could find something you don't like about me and use it as a reason to keep Lucy from seeing me.

Oh, so she could be mad at me instead of being mad at you?

An unintentional but admittedly fortunate by-product.

I--i don't think I can do this, Jimmy.

Breaking up is part of the growing-up process.

Maybe you should get used to it.

But I don't want to hurt Lucy, and you're a great talker.

I just don't know how I can do this.

I thought god worked in mysterious ways.

He does.

Well, don't you know any of 'em?

Hey! Excuse me, you left your-- get away from her! Get out of her!

Hey, hey...

Sorry! Mom, your sunglasses.

He returned your sunglasses.

You left them on the counter, and he returned them.

Thanks. Sorry about this.

He was standing behind us in line.

The guy with all the paper towels, remember?

Oh, Mary...

It's ok, mom. Everything's going to be ok.

Mom?

Am I done yet? Mom!

She's not home. She's still at the store.

Get Matt!

Am I done yet?

Well, when you look like a giant corndog, you're done.

Come on, let's get you in the shower.

I just had a bath.

Come on.

I heard about the grocery store.

I love her, but the kid's got a big mouth.

Well, thank goodness somebody around here does.

What's going on?

Well, I guess in your language, "fine" means terrified and anguished.

I really thought I was fine, but then...

Pow! It just hit me.

The truth?

Maybe.

The truth is that it's my fault.

How?

If I had put those wires together properly, they wouldn't have gotten loose, and we wouldn't have had to pull over.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people.

It's nobody's fault. You know that.

What I know is that I can't get the image of that g*n next to my son out of my head.

What I know is that if one thing had been different-- if a leaf had fallen on his shoulder, a gust of wind had kicked up, that man could have k*lled my son.

You can't focus on what could have been.

You have to focus on what is.

You're ok, Matt's ok.

God was looking out for both of you that day.

We have to have faith that he always will.

You're right. I know you're right.

But I don't know how to stop being afraid.

Mom was afraid?

I thought mom and dad never get scared.

Well, I guess you were wrong, 'cause she was, and so was I.

Why did she say she wasn't scared?

I don't know.

Maybe she thought the truth would scare you, and she didn't want to do that.

I could have handled it.

Yeah, well, mom didn't know that.

Will you tell her for me?

No, you will.

I'm sorry it happened to you.

Thanks.

But I'm not going to share this with you.

Hey, what's with her?

Oh. Happy keeps trying to convince me that she has the chicken pox.

Yeah, maybe it's just fleas.

Could I get fleas? Yup.

Oh, great!

I'll get it.

Hello?

Mrs. Camden, this is officer mcquire.

I'm sorry to call so late, but we have a man in custody and we were wondering if you and Matt could come down in the morning and take a look at a lineup.

No problem.

Who was that?

Wrong number.

♪ ♪

Ok, dry cleaners, cash machine, talk with Lucy.

What?

Oh, just off to run some errands.

So I understand, and talk with Lucy?

Um, an errand of mercy.

Jimmy's going to break up with her.

Got this straight from the horse's mouth.

Well, I don't care what the horse told you.

Stay out of it.

I don't want her to be hurt any more than she has to be.

And having her dad break up with her for her boyfriend is somehow less painful and humiliating?

I'm a great talker.

Not at the moment.

Well, you're worried for no reason.

I have a gift for this sort of thing.

Look how well it went with Mrs. Hinkel.

Mittens was only retiring... Dad?

She wasn't about to be dumped by her first real boyfriend.

Ready?

Yeah, ok, let's go.

So, what do you think?

Ok, I'm just getting warmed up.

Not bad, huh?

Just a minute.

Hey, Jimmy. What's going on?

Ah, nothing much. Just wonder if I could talk to Lucy.

She's not here.

She left a while ago to talk with her father.

Oh.

Queen Anne tulips. These will be pretty.

He told you, didn't he?

Is it ok if I wait for Lucy to come home?

Sure.

I don't think we're ready to see you quite yet, Jimmy.

You, with me. You, talk.

Yeah, ok. Thanks.

Hey, mom, were we supposed to look at a lineup at the police station this morning?

That was officer mcquire wondering where we were.

He said he called last night.

He did.

I...

Forgot?

No.

I'll tell Mary we're going out for a while.

I'll get the car.

I don't know, maybe the breakup was good for us.

It gave me a chance to do some thinking.

About what?

About us.

About our relationship.

I mean, the minute things get a little rough, you have my dad break up with me.

That was a bad, bad idea, I know.

Lucy, forget whatever hurtful words your father used to break your heart for me.

I'm your man.

Really? Uh-huh.

I'm also going to withdraw from the election.

Our relationship is more important.

Our relationship?

I withdraw, too.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Ok.

You recognize any of these men?

Take your time.

I'm sorry, I...

I didn't know it till just now, but I never really looked at him.

How about you?

Sorry.

Well, look, you did the right thing.

If the guy had thought you were trying to get a good look at him, he might have thought you were trying to remember his face.

You're absolutely right.

Yeah, but by protecting ourselves, a guilty guy might walk out of here and do the same thing to someone else.

They might not be as lucky as we were.

Thank you for coming down.

Well, you're welcome.

And I'm sorry about the mix-up earlier.

Well, it happens. More often than you know, it happens.

Oh.

Hey. How'd it go?

Well, not great. I couldn't I.D. The guy.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Oh, man, you did it anyway.

You know, you look like our daughter, and that looks like a tattoo.

Dad-- it can't be our daughter because we told our daughter not to get a tattoo.

I can't believe you went behind our backs and did that.

But-- you know, your lack of respect for us and our wishes is astounding.

Is it your policy now just to ignore everything we say?

No, not everything. Look...

It comes off when I sweat.

Everybody was getting 'em, and I thought it would be a good compromise.

I must be losing it. I didn't even see that one coming.

Wait!

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have messed with your minds.

No. Well, yes, but, no...

He had a tattoo.

What?

The man who robbed us.

He had a tattoo.

Could you ask them to roll their sleeves up, please?

Please step forward, roll up your sleeves, and extend your arms out in front of you.

That's him. Number 4.

Are you sure?

That's the tattoo.

Yeah, that's him.

Will you testify to that?

Yes.

Well, he said it was heartburn, but I know a heart att*ck when I feel one.

I nearly itched my leg off till the doctor discovered it was shingles.

You know what's good for that is corn starch.

Really?

I'm just getting over the chicken pox.

Don't even get me started.

My mom's the one who turned me on to it.

She knows all the stuff.

Well, I'll bet you dollars to donuts she knows more about prostates than that kid doctor I go to.

Oh, I'm sure. I'll ask her tonight at dinner.

You know, you're more than welcome to stay on as long as you'd like.

I know, and I have.

It took you long enough to let me go, and I'm not about to let you out of it now.

I--you've lost me.

I've wanted some time off for years.

But I couldn't just walk away from the church.

I'd go to hell.

But getting fired from the church is another story.

I'll drop off my keys on Friday afternoon.

I'll be there.

I know. You're always in the office on Friday afternoon.

Not bad for an old lady with mittens on her hands, right?

Not bad at all.

Dad? Yeah?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, yeah, sure.

I need you to help me do something.

Will we need passports and new names?

No, dad, not this time.

Then how can I help?

I'm going to take the girls home with me, ok?

Oh, sure. What about your brother?

Well, he's outside talking to some guys about prostates.

So don't forget him.

Not possible.

Oh, and we have that victim's support meeting later, right?

3:00.

Ok, I'll see you later.

Bye, guys. Bye, mom.

See you at home. Ok.

Bye, daddy.

Bye-bye.

A friend of mine gave me something so you wouldn't have to be afraid...

Ever again.

And this way, everyone will know you're still spoken for.

You know...Until we get another one.

I love you. I love you.