01x06 - Halloween

[bunniefuu]

In a dark, spooky house not far from where we are right now lives a 7-foot-tall ogre named Mike... The mutant.

What's an ogre?

A big, ugly man.

A nuclear accident made Mike mutate into the hideous creature he is today.

Ever since then, every Halloween, one unlucky little kid doesn't come back from trick-or-treating.

Why?

Because Mike must feed! He must feed...

On the tender flesh of little children.

I think maybe she's a little too young for this.

Stop it! I'm not scared!

One Halloween night, little Reilly gilchrist went out trick-or-treating all alone.

He found himself in front of a dark house overgrown with vines.

He climbed the stairs.

Creak, creak, creak...

A cold wind blew across his face.

As he reached out to ring the bell, the door swung open!

Hey, Matt?

What?!

Dad... You scared us...

To death.

Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual.

What are you guys doing in here?

Nothing.

Just talking.

Oh. In the dark... With a flashlight?

Daddy, are you bigger than the bad man?

Ruthie, I'm bigger, and I'm stronger...

And I work for god.

Yeah!

These guys aren't scaring you too much are they?

No.

Ok, ok, carry on.

What's all the screaming about?

I walked in on Matt's ghost story.

Why am I being snubbed?

I love ghost stories!

Sorry.

Come on, honey. It'll be fun.

Daddy hates Halloween.

I do not.

Yeah, you do, dad.

You do, honey. You always have.

Well, have fun, everybody.

I won't wait up for you.

Out!

Hey, do you mind?

Oops. Sorry. I didn't really want to brush my teeth anyway.

Hold it, dragon breath.

Come back in here.

I don't want to be responsible for you grossing out the whole fifth grade.

Thanks...i think.

Hey, stop!

Why?

Because it's mine, and I don't want you sticking it in your disgusting, hairy armpits.

Ok. Would it change your mind at all if I told you I've been using it every day for the past two months?

Oh, those are very good Jack-o'-lanterns, sweetie.

I like this one. He's very scary.

That one's daddy.

Well, he's scary in a nice way.

Mom, don't even tell me you're going to let ruthie enter the pumpkin carving contest.

Why shouldn't she, if she wants to?

Because "a," she's not allowed to play with sharp objects, and "b," she doesn't stand a chance against me.

Well, maybe her talented, generous big brother could help her.

Matt?

No. Simon.

Sorry, mom. The carnival's tomorrow, and I got my own pumpkin to carve and work on my victory speech.

This will be my third win in a row, you know.

Pride goeth before the fall, Simon.

Really? I thought summer goeth before the fall.

And spring goeth before the summer.

And you're about to goeth to your room.

Let's talk about ruthie and her costume.

Ok!

So what are you going as?

What am I going as?

Anything you want.

Anything?

Sure.

Good morning.

Oh, hi, honey.

-Morning! -Hi, dad.

Oh...it's a beautiful day.

You're in a good mood.

I slept the sleep of the innocent last night.

Yeah...no monsters in my dreams.

Ok, so I had one little, teeny dream.

Didn't seem so teeny when you were thrashing around, shouting, "don't barbecue me!"

Simon, don't be late for school.

Ok, I'm going. I'm going.

Oh, and, mom, don't forget to pick me up some pumpkins today-- good ones, ok?

"Please."

-Please. -I won't forget.

Oh...which reminds me, I have been meaning to tell you this.

The other day, I was standing in line at the marketplace, and the woman in front of me mentioned she was from binghamton.

My binghamton?

No--binghamton, Italy.

Small world.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Oh, would you stop by the party store today and pick up the carnival decorations?

Please.

Please?

Since you put it that way...

Thanks.

What's her name?

-Who? -The, uh...

Oh, um, Cindy... Something.

She appeared to be about our age.

I don't remember a Cindy.

Oh, you mean, there was one girl in binghamton you didn't go out with?

No, I didn't say that.

I just said I don't remember her.

Well, this one's happily married.

She said her husband's name was Howard...

No, Henry. Henry Bernard.

It's definitely true. I've seen his house.

No way. That's just a story.

There's no such person as Mike the mutant.

Oh, yes, there is.

Yeah.

You ever heard of a kid named Reilly gilchrist?

It's the little dude he ate.

-That didn't really happen. -Oh, yeah?

My cousin works for the gas company.

He told me when he read his meter, he saw bones in the basement.

That is just a stupid story to scare kids with.

No, it isn't.

Ok, fine-- don't believe us, you know?

I don't care.

Good.

It could have happened.

Yeah, I can prove it to you if you want.

How?

Well...what are you doing after school?

I don't know, guys.

Yeah... Road trip!

Ha ha!

-Mommy, mommy! -Hi, honey. What is it?

Tiffany's gonna be a "t."

Oh, won't that be fun?

Her mommy got it for her at the store.

Oh, isn't that nice?

-Mommy... -Hmm?

Do I have to be a dinosaur?

Henry Bernard.

Are you sure you heard her say she broke up with her boyfriend?

Everybody in my gym class heard her.

Think she'd go out with me?

Hello, Matthew.

Hi.

Hi, Roxanne.

Oh, Mary, did you hear that I broke up with my boyfriend?

Oh, really? Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah. I'm...devastated.

So, Mary, what are you wearing to the Halloween dance?

I'm not going. I'm going to a carnival at our church.

Oh. That sounds fun.

But I wouldn't miss the school dance for anything...

Unless no guys ask me because they don't know I broke up with my boyfriend.

You mean, no one's asked you?

No, and I'm just dying to go!

I love costume parties.

Really? Well, how would you like to go with me?

Oh, I'd love to! Thank you! I...

Oui, j'accepte.

Excellente.

Here it is-- Mike the mutant's house.

So what? It doesn't prove anything.

Yeah? Well, maybe you'll believe us when you see the giant vegetables he grows.

They're huge.

He sh**t them with radiation.

He's got pumpkins back there the size of volkswagens.

Yeah, right.

All right, fine-- don't believe us.

Fine. Fine.

Ok, well, maybe you'll believe us when I go back there and I steal one and I bring it out.

How are you going to carry it?

Your chick is really a drag.

At least I've got one.

Ok, why don't you come with us and see for yourself?

I'm kind of curious.

Fine with me.

Get down!

Who's gonna go first?

Go ahead.

We'll follow you.

I could use a hand here, you know.

You could get hurt doing that.

Aaah!

Don't come back here ever!

Aah!

Here's batgirl. She's cute.

I don't like bats.

Oh, Sylvester... And tweety bird!

I don't look good in yellow.

Are you kidding? Who doesn't want to be tweety bird?

Me.

Oh, look... Oh, my gosh!

Sparkle-sparkle?

Yuck!

That's about it.

Honey, why are you so particular this year?

Because I want to be prettier than Simon's pumpkin.

Why?

'Cause that's all anybody talks about.

Oh...baby.

I'm sorry.

Tell you what-- you can pick out anything you want, ok?

I guess I'll just take that old dinosaur thing you were making.

Delivery boy! Aah!

Oh, sorry, dad. I didn't know you were napping.

Oh, no, no. Just... Resting my eyes.

I have a little eye fatigue.

Yeah, I get that sometimes, right in the middle of church.

So, did you... Did you get everything?

Yeah, I cleaned them out.

I got black and orange crepe paper, balloons, paper skeletons, black cats, witches on brooms--the works.

I appreciate you doing this for me.

I just couldn't face it this year.

You send me every year. You hate Halloween.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do, dad.

Well, at any rate, I owe you one.

Well, in that case, can I use the car to drive to the dance tomorrow night?

It's fine with me, but just check with Mary and see if she needs a ride, too.

Mary's not going to the dance.

She's sticking around for the carnival.

Oh. So what's your costume?

Same thing I always go as--a hobo.

I don't know if that's such a good idea, Matt.

A hobo's just another euphemism for a homeless person.

I'm not sure it's appropriate to use another person's misfortune for our entertainment.

That's ok. See, my hobo is a hobo by choice.

Is that right?

Yeah. See, he's rejected bourgeois values for the simple life of riding the rails and eating beans out of a can.

He's not into possessions.

Bourgeois?

It means "middle-class."

I'm aware of that.

You really do hate Halloween, don't you?

Hmm? I...

Look, Valerie, if anybody asks, just tell them i'm going to the carnival.

No. I told them I was going to the dance with you and Denise.

I'm not going to get caught.

Just stick to what I told you, ok?

How am I supposed to craft a masterpiece with a flawed canvas?

I'm sorry, all they had were flawed canvases at the market.

Oh, Lucy, thank you!

That's the most beautiful pumpkin I've ever seen!

It's the pumpkin I've waited my whole life for!

Forget it, Simon. It's mine.

All right, I'll buy it from you.

Nope.

All right, fine. Then just tell me where you got it so I can go get one.

There aren't any more.

Are you sure, honey?

I'd like to get a few for the carnival myself.

Uh, yep, I'm pretty sure.

Where exactly did you get this pumpkin, luce?

It's a long story.

Is it possible that maybe you liberated it from somebody's garden?

Then you also know what you have to do, don't you?

Mom, it's not that easy!

I don't want to hear excuses!

You turn around right now and return that pumpkin to its owner, and apologize. Yes, ma'am.

Do you want me to go with you?

No. It's ok.

Tough call...

But you did the right thing.

I'm not getting you another pumpkin, Simon.

-Aah! -Aah!

Y-You scared me.

I scared you?

Yeah.

What are you trying to do...

Give me a heart att*ck?

What are you looking for?

A cape for Simon's costume.

Isn't Halloween over yet?

It seems like it's been going on for weeks.

One more day, dad.

I understand you're joining us for the church carnival.

Um, actually, no. I'm going to a dance at school.

I thought Matt said you were going to the carnival.

Um, I changed my mind.

Oh, disgusting!

Here, dad--you can go to the carnival as Daniel Boone.

Oh, actually, that's the Davy Crockett model.

When I was a kid, I was completely obsessed with Davy Crockett.

I mean, obsessed. I never missed an episode of the TV show.

I read every book I could get my hands on.

"Remember the alamo."

Oh, it's definitely you, dad.

I don't know why I even bother trying to carve a pumpkin.

My brother Simon wins the contest every year.

You--you can keep the pumpkin you took.

You can have as many as you want.

That's ok.

Can I ask you something, Mr. Mitchell?

My dad was Mr. Mitchell. I'm Mike.

Mike.

How did you get that scar?

I got sh*t.

No way!

Really?

Aren't you sure?

Sometimes, I...I have trouble remembering.

That's ok. It's not really important.

You know, I'd really like to bring my friends over to meet you.

Oh, I don't really like visitors very much.

If you want, you could come over to my house and meet my family.

Oh, I don't--i don't go out much, either.

You should meet my dad. How about if I bring him over sometime?

You'd like him, he's really nice.

No!

I--i have to go inside now.

Mr. Mitchell! Mike!

Mike!

L-Lucy can come over if she wants, but i--i don't want any friends to come over!

Just remember, I got dibs on the Davy Crockett costume.

Don't worry, Eric. You'll get it.

I better.

Yeah, 'cause I'm sick of hearing you talk about that coonskin cap.

All right, children, you can come and pick out your Halloween costumes, but I want you to do it in an orderly fashion.

I got it! I got it!

Eric Camden, what are you doing?!

You knew I wanted that!

I got it for you!

I got it for you, Eric!

I wasn't gonna keep it!

I got it for you! I got it for you, Eric!

Don't tell me you couldn't get back to sleep.

I probably had too much coffee last night.

It was decaf.

Oh, well, then I guess I'm just too keyed up, too full of the Halloween spirit.

Too full of something. When you feel like talking about it, I'll be glad to listen.

All right. Thanks.

What are you doing up so early?

Are you feeling ok?

Yeah.

I just couldn't sleep.

Why not?

Couldn't stop thinking about pumpkins.

I got to win that contest!

Simon, come over here.

Sit down.

I think you're taking this contest way too seriously.

Obviously, you don't understand, dad.

It's my third year.

My third 'peat. It's never happened before in the history of the church carnival.

Simon, I only started that church carnival 3 years ago to raise money for the sunday school.

I just don't want you to make such a big deal out of a contest that's supposed to be fun.

There is a chance you could lose.

I could be wrong about this, but isn't your job to encourage people?

A hobo?

You can't go as a hobo.

No, see, my hobo isn't homeless.

He's rejecting bourgeois values.

No, you can't go as a hobo...

'Cause I already got you a costume.

What costume?

You see, I thought it would be really cool if we went as a couple.

Oh. Ok.

You see, I'm going as Roxanne-- cyrano de bergerac's beloved Roxanne.

From the play, cyrano.

And that would make me...

Cyrano, of course.

-The guy with the big nose. -Uh-huh.

See, I borrowed the costumes from the drama department.

I don't know. You know, I wasn't counting on making a whole big production out of this.

Oh, come on, Matthew.

It's so romantic.

You see, cyrano, he loved Roxanne more than life itself.

And eventually, she learned to look beyond mere physical appearance, and she fell in love with him, too...

Deeply and completely.

Ok.

Uh-oh.

What?

You misspelled "tonight."

You know what?

What?

I hate Halloween.

I know.

I'm not too crazy about it, either.

You? Why not?

It's a long story.

Well, come on. What's wrong?

Do you know who Mike Mitchell is?

Well, I knew him before his accident.

So he was in a nuclear accident?

Who told you that?

Everybody.

Well...as is often the case, everybody's wrong.

He was an artist.

He used to build mammoth abstract sculptures out of scrap steel and iron.

They were big and dramatic and exuberant...

Kind of like him-- like he used to be.

He struggled financially, as most artists do.

To make ends meet, he, uh...

He took a job pumping gas at night.

A couple of guys came in to Rob the place.

One of them pulled a g*n.

Mike tried to stop him and got sh*t.

Poor Mike!

Yeah.

I stop by now and then, but he won't answer his door.

He's...pretty much a recluse.

Why are kids so mean to him?

He can't help the way he is.

Lots of times we make decisions about people based on appearances, rather than...

Taking the time to find out the truth.

Why is that?

I wish I knew, sweetie.

I suspect that it's usually...Fear.

Except, dad, he's more afraid than anybody.

And he's not mean at all. He's really nice.

Was he nice enough to forgive you for stealing his pumpkin?

Yeah.

Well, it sounds to me like Mike's found himself...

A good friend.

You look adorable, honey. Here, look at mama.

You are the cutest dinosaur I ever saw!

It's hot.

Well, ok, I can put some ventilation holes in here for you if you want, ok?

The neck pinches.

Well, I can fix that.

I can't move my hands.

Ok, well, um... Come on over here and sit down.

You don't have to wear those.

I can...I can take those off.

Ok...

This way.

All right, ok.

You hate it, don't you?

I know how you feel, short stuff.

What am I going to do? I can't go to the dance like this.

You look funny!

I look like an idiot. Mom, is there anything you can do to fix it?

Well, maybe-- I don't know.

Maybe we can remove the hat.

Um... Maybe you could try my cape over it a little bit.

No, I think we better put the hat back on.

Yeah. Yeah, well...

Well, maybe between the big nose and the hat...

Nobody will know who you are.

What is that?

I don't know. I found it on the front porch.

Wow!

What is it?

Nothing.

I smell pumpkin.

So?

It's a pumpkin, isn't it?

It's none of your beeswax you're not entering the contest, are you?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Man...

Ugh! This is going to give me nightmares.

That's the idea, right?

Ugh! I guess so.

Ok, if you'll just blow up all the balloons, I can handle everything else.

Ok, no problem.

I don't want you to be late for the dance, so just take off when you need to.

Oh, I'm going with Valerie and Denise, so I'll just be there whenever.

Where are the black curtains for the haunted house?

Oh!

Would this be them?

Yeah! Oh...

Poor thing!

She must be exhausted from torturing me.

Want to try and move her?

No, I can hang curtains later.

Besides, you know how grumpy she is after a nap.

Let's not disturb her.

Yeah, I just wish someone would say that about me.

What?

Oh, let's not disturb her.

Oh! Yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh ho! Yeah!

Hey, stop! Stop it!

Oh, yeah!

Whoo-hoo! Oh, yeah!

I can't believe I even thought I liked you!

Come on, guys, let's go.

Waah!

Stop it!

Yeah! Whoo!

Stop!

No way! This is payback time!

This is for all those kids you gobbled up, you mutant!

Yeah, you big freak!

That's enough. Knock it off. Yeah!

Leave him alone! Get out of here!

Mike! It's me--Lucy!

Are you ok?

Are they gone?

They're gone.

It's ok.

It's ok.

Not everybody is like those guys.

A lot of people are.

No. Most people are really nice.

And the mean ones are probably just afraid of you because they're ignorant.

People are afraid of me?

Well...yeah.

Why?

I don't know.

I--i wish they wouldn't be.

Hey, cute!

Oh! Well, yeah, thanks.

Listen, do you know anyone who might be able to baby-sit tonight on short notice?

-Baby-sit who? Whom.

-Whom. -You know whom-- ruthie.

She refuses to go out of the house without a costume, and she hates everything I've suggested.

I can't stay with her.

I've got to go back to the church. Lucy's already gone.

You've got your dance, and...

Maybe Mrs. Horton can do it.

I'm going to go call her.

No, wait, wait, wait! Let me try.

I'll get her to wear a costume.

Trick or treat.

And you are...?

Look, I'm sorry about the costume.

I just couldn't make the other thing work. It's just not me.

You couldn't possibly be my date, because my date would have on the cyrano costume that I went to so much trouble to get, and which goes perfectly with my costume.

You see, my date wouldn't show up here dressed as...

A homeless person.

Ahobo.

Whatever.

See, my date would know that if he came here dressed as a derelict--

-a hobo. -A hobo-- then that would mean that I was the date of a hobo, and that would make me a loser.

I am not a loser.

What?

What about all that stuff you said about Roxanne loving cyrano in spite of his appearance, Roxanne?

Oh, please. That was fiction.

Well, let me tell you something.

You look really, really beautiful in that dress right now-- incredibly beautiful-- but in spite of your appearance, I got to say... The thrill's gone for me, babe.

Matthew, wait! Uh...

Do you really think that I look...

Incredibly beautiful?

Come on, guys, let's go! We can't be late!

Do you think Mary had any luck?

I don't know. She came out once and made me get her a mop, but that could be to clean up the blood.

Ooh! Well, nothing would surprise me at this point.

-Ta-da! -Ruthie, you look just great!

What are you?

Ruff! Ruff!

She's happy.

She can't go as happy. Happy is going as happy.

Simon.

Come on, you two.

How did you do it?

Well, I sat her down and told her, "you'd better get in a costume, go to the carnival, and be happy!"

And she said, "ok."

You're a miracle worker!

-Have fun. -Ok. You, too.

Hey, listen, don't forget to leave a big bowl of candy out on the front porch for the trick- or-treaters.

Not a problem.

Whoo-hoo!

-Hey, kids. -Hi!

Whoo-o-o-o!

You scared the daylights out of me.

Have fun.

Ok! That guy was funny.

I know.

Trick or treat!

Hi.

Um, aren't you a little old to be doing this?

Um, well, I'm not.

I mean, I'm not doing this--

I mean, what the other kids are doing.

Is your dad home?

Hi. Can I help you?

Are you Henry Bernard?

Yeah.

Have you got a minute?

Zack, why don't you go in and finish putting on your costume, ok, pal?

Ok.

Mm-hmm?

I'm Eric Camden, and, uh...

I came to bring you this.

Why? What's this about?

Binghamton elementary, 1964, Halloween...

Davy Crockett.

You don't remember me, do you?

No. Sorry.

No.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I'm sorry about 1964...

I'm sorry for bothering you tonight.

No, that's ok.

Good night.

Wait a minute.

Camden, huh? Uh, Eric Camden, right?

Right.

You came over here to give me your hat?

Well, I...Kind of thought it was long overdue.

What...?

Oh.

I never wanted this stupid hat, you know.

I got it for you.

I know.

I'm sorry about hitting you.

Me, too.

Gosh, you want to come in for some coffee or something?

Yeah. Thanks.

And one for you.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

Oh!

All right, let's hurry!

Get your votes in for your favorite pumpkin.

We'll be announcing the winner soon.

Get your votes in for your favorite pumpkin.

Aah!

Oh...

What happened to the dance?

Uh, it wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be.

I'm sorry.

Look!

A butterfly! Who did that for you?

Lucy's friend. Ruff! Ruff!

Yeah, Lucy set up a booth out in the hall with some big guy in a Frankenstein mask.

He can really paint, that guy.

Maybe I'll have him give me a tattoo.

Happy Halloween, little lady.

You made it! Mmm!

Dad, that's, uh... A pretty bold hat.

Yeah? You like it? Hmm?

No! That's real animal skin.

Don't you think it's inappropriate to use some poor animal's misfortune for our entertainment?

Oh, it's ok. This raccoon became a hat by choice.

Where'd you get it?

Henry Bernard.

From binghamton?

Yeah. He, uh...He went to a lot of trouble to get it for me, so I stopped by his house to thank him.

This is great! I love Halloween.

What's come over you?

I'm happy.

You can't be happy. Ruthie's happy.

Where's Mary?

-She went to the dance. -No, she didn't.

-She didn't? -No. No.

She told me she was coming here.

She told me she was going to the dance.

I know where she is.

Where?

She's at home.

Why would she stay home by herself?

Because she's diabolical... But brilliant.

♪ Oww! ♪

♪ Unh! ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ unh! ♪

♪ You gotta know how to pony ♪

♪ like bony maronie ♪

Hello? Oh, hey, Valerie!

Yeah, it worked great.

No, I'm gonna stay here.

Because it's the only night of the year I get to be alone.

There's 7 people in this family, you know.

Ok. Bye, Valerie.

♪ Na na na na na ♪

♪ na na na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ na na na na ♪

♪ need somebody to help me say it one time ♪

♪ na na na na na ♪

♪ na na na na na ♪ Mary Camden is alone at the top of the key.

She aims, she sh**t, she scores!

♪ Oww! ♪

♪ Unh! ♪

♪ You know, I feel all right, ha! ♪

♪ Feel pretty good, y'all ♪

♪ unh! ♪

♪ Na na na na na ♪ I love Halloween.

♪ Na na na na ♪

All right, everybody, the judges have reached a decision.

The winner of the glenoak community church Halloween carnival annual pumpkin carving contest is...

Lucy Camden.

Oh! That's nice!

Today, my dad told me things aren't always the way they seem at first.

And the truth is...

I didn't really carve this pumpkin.

I just put my name on it.

The real winner of the contest is my friend...

Mr. Mike Mitchell.

Take off your mask.

Very nice!

Good job! Nice job!

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Simon...

Hi. I'm Simon Camden, and I just wanted to shake the hand of a true master.

I've never seen a better carved pumpkin.

Hi.

Hi.

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about before.

Don't tell me. Tell him.

Sorry about this afternoon.

It'll never happen again.

Thanks.

Those eggs are stinky.

We'll come back tonight and clean it up.

-Yeah. -Come on, you guys.

Isn't that my clerical robe?

Sorry, dad.

Oh, and about the pumpkin contest...

Just so you know, I'll be back.

So will I.