07x33 - A Dollar's Worth of Trouble

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Bonanza". Aired: September 12, 1959 - January 16, 1973.*
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Set during and after the Civil w*r, "Bonanza" is the story of Ben and his 3 sons on the family's thousand-acre spread, known as the Ponderosa, near Virginia City.
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07x33 - A Dollar's Worth of Trouble

Post by bunniefuu »

Oh, boy.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

I don't know how old Eddie
figures on making any money

giving away a free
meal like that. Do you?

Well, he's not getting rich
on you, brother, that's for sure.

Joseph?

The inner man must
be taken care of.

Absolutely. If that
inner man ever got out,

he's big enough to
take on the both of us.

All we got left to do is pick
up that sugar and grain.

- Come on.
- Right.

Hoss Cartwright.

Your time has come.

There is no escaping.

It is time, Hoss Cartwright.

How does she know who I am?

I don't know.

Let's go find out.

Joe...

It is time to have your
palm read, Hoss Cartwright.

How'd you know my name anyhow?

Madame Adella knows all.

Well, go ahead. Why don't
you let her read your palm?

You got nothing to lose.

Oh, but, Joe, this whole thing's
a bunch of tomfoolishness.

Such talk is foolishness.

Yeah, yeah, I agree with her.

Don't talk foolish.

After all, I think you probably
have a fascinating palm.

Of course, with the
size of this hand,

it may take two or
three sessions, ma'am,

but I'm sure you
can figure it out.

Joe, we got things
to do, now. Come on.

Then you will die.

I'm gonna miss you, Hoss.

You mock my powers.

It is easy for you.

It is your brother
who is in danger.

Yeah.

That stuff sure
is silly, isn't it?

Yeah, silly.

It's amazing that people still
believe in that sort of thing.

Yeah, amazing.

And you know that
it's sad that people

will actually spend money
on that kind of foolishness.

Yeah, it's sad.

♪♪

Hmm.

Very interesting.

Very interesting hand.

Oh... what does it say?

I see a tall man.

He is handsome.

His hair is gray.

He seems disturbed
about something.

Yeah, that'd be our pa.

He's disturbed
'cause we ain't home

with them supplies
yet. Come on, Joe.

Yes, yes, that
would be the reason.

Yeah, well, let's go, Joe.

Wait. Wait.

I see a woman.

Oh, yeah?

- Go on, go on.
- Is she pretty?

No.

No, she is not pretty.

She's beautiful.

Oh, uh... go on, go on.

Ah, yes, yes, I
see her clearly now.

She's tall.

Statuesque.

Her hair is golden like the sun.

Her eyes are
sparkling like the stars.

The moment you meet,

she will fall in love with you.

Yeah?

What I see is true.

All that I say shall happen.

You mean I'm really
gonna meet this gal?

With hair as golden as the sun.

With sparkling eyes.

Joe, it could happen,
now, dad-burnit. Come on.

Well, I wouldn't
stake your life on it.

What-what's...
what's the matter?

- What do you...?
- It is nothing.

Never mind. The reading is over.

But wait a minute. You just...

The reading is over.

One dollar, a quarter, please.

A dollar, a qu...?

You said just a dollar out...

With your hand, you
need a rabbit's foot.

Yeah. I know.

Please go.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Come on, Joe.

So, you understand?

Then there's this phrenology,

where they study the
bumps on your head.

Yeah?

And I figure, you let
me whap you one good

with an ax handle
on top of the head,

- you'll have a
fortune - Oh, Joe.

That'll make 'em sit
up and take notice.

Joe, I don't put no
stock in none of that stuff.

You know better than that.

Joe, watch where
you're going, you clum...

Hair as gold as the sun.

Yeah, and... big, sparkly eyes.

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you.

Here, let me help you.

No, ma'am, that's...
that's all right.

I didn't hurt you, did I?

No, I'm... I'm fine.

I'm Kathleen... Kathleen Walker.

I'm happy to meet
you, Miss Walker.

I'm Hoss Cartwright.

Happy to meet
you, Mr. Cartwright.

Yeah, you can just call me Hoss.

You can just call me Kathleen.

Yeah.

Um, that's my little brother,
Little Joe... Cartwright.

Kathleen.

Ka-Kathleen?

You aren't married,
are you, Hoss?

Oh... no, ma'am, not a bit.

Are you courtin'?

Well...

not so's you'd
notice it, no, ma'am.

Why?

Because I want you to court me.

You want me to court you?

Would you, Hoss? Would you?

What's going on here?!

Oh, Papa, I want
you to meet Hoss...

Don't worry, Kathleen.
I'll handle this.

- Oh, Papa, he wasn't...
- Now, listen,

don't stand up for
him. I know his type.

Now, you get in the wagon.

I'll handle this Romeo.

Romeo? I ain't no ladies' man.

- Papa...
- I saw what you were trying to do.

I got eyes. Now, get
in the wagon, like I said!

Now, no man makes improper
advances to my daughter

without answering
to me, John Walker!

- Hey, Joe...
- Oh, now, he wouldn't know how to make

- an improper adv...
- Now, you stay out of this!

You ain't gonna talk
yourself out of this one.

I'm gonna give you
the beating of your life.

Oh, come on, now, I ain't
gonna fight a guy your size.

Don't you worry about my size.

I've whupped men
twice your size.

Well, nevertheless, I...

Now, get up and fight!

I knew I had you
figured out right.

No backbone.

Now, let that be
a lesson to you.

And you stay away
from my Kathleen!

Yes, sir, I sure will.

And get off my grain!

Ooh.

Ooh, he sure does hit hard
for a little man, don't he?

Yeah.

He hits hard for a
little mule, you mean.

Hey, Joe?

Did you see the way
that gal looked at me?

Yeah.

I saw it, but I
don't believe it.

It was just like that
Madame Adella said it would.

You know, maybe she's
got something after all.

Well, maybe she was
right about Kathleen,

but she sure forgot
to mention the father.

That's gonna be sore.

You better get some
beefsteak on that.

Yeah, as soon as we get home.

Hey, here comes Seth.
I'll get that order filled.

- Hey, Seth?
- Yeah?

Can you get this order
filled for me real quick?

We gotta get on our way.

Oh, sure can, Little Joe.

Five sacks of grain
and two sacks of sugar?

Right.

Well, I'm out of grain,

and I haven't got
any sugar, either.

What, you're... you're
sold out of both of them?

That's right... sold out.

That new man, John Walker,
came in with his daughter

and bought out all
my grain and sugar.

That's just great.

Now, what are we gonna tell Pa?

What do you mean, "What
are we gonna tell Pa?"

We'll tell him they're
sold out of it. That's all.

I got a load of supplies
coming in the morning.

Thanks.

You know, Joe,
this is all your fault.

We should've come
here straightaway

just like I wanted
to in the first place.

What do you mean, it's my fault?

I'm not the one who
had my fortune told

by that-that Madame Adella.

Not to mention that
mess you got into

with Kathleen and her father.

You saw Madame Adella,
Hoss? Ain't she a marvel?

She predicted I'd sell
out of grain and sugar.

Oh, come on. Don't tell me
you believe in that stuff, too.

Well, you ain't walking out of
here with any sugar, are you?

She's truly a marvel.

Don't you think so, Hoss?

Yeah, yeah, she was
a... she's a marvel, Seth.

Come on, Joe. Let's go home.

♪♪

Ooh...

Well...

I was just about to come
into town looking for you.

What took you so long?

Were we... were
we gone long, Pa?

"Were we gone long?"

Can't you fellas
ever go into town...

go right into town,
come right back?

Where all the supply, Mr. Hoss?

Oh, Hop Sing, we didn't get 'em.

You see, Pa, Seth was all out.

Yeah, no... no grain, no sugar.

Yeah.

All out, and you came
back empty-handed, right?

Yeah, well, there's gonna
be some tomorrow, though.

He said he'd have a
shipment in there tomorrow.

We'll pick it up first
thing in the morning.

Right.

All right, first thing
in the morning,

you go into town to
pick up those supplies.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

No sugar... no pie,
no dessert, no nothing!

He's been like that all day.

Why can't you...?

What happened to your eye?

Well, it's funny
you should ask, Pa.

Ah... Wait a
minute. Don't tell me.

I have a feeling
I shouldn't know.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Here your coffee, Little Joe.

Ah, thank you, Hop Sing.

I'm gonna stay up
and read for a while.

Pa's gone to bed.

Hop...

Hop Sing, what's the
matter with that coffee?

No sugar.

Yeah, well, no...
no sugar's one thing,

but what'd you put in it?

Chinese sweet... vinegar root.

You no like, you
bring Hop Sing sugar.

And you take your
feet off the table!

I wonder if he knows
what he's saying.

Oh, Madame Adella. What...

I must talk to your
brother at once.

It is a matter of
life and death.

Life or death?

Yes, life or death.

Life or death.

Um... I'll-I'll get him.

Why don't, why don't you
make yourself at home?

Thank you.

Hey, Hoss!

Yeah?

You got a visitor!

Who is it?

It's that lady you
met in town today.

Is she alone?

She sure is!

I'll be right down!

He's on his way.

Madame Adella.

Well... what are you doing here?

I must talk to you at once.

It is urgent.

Well... what about?

In all my years
of fortunetelling,

I have always told the truth.

You mean...

what you told
me ain't the truth?

Of course I told you the truth.

I just did not tell you all.

Yeah, we know.

You left out Kathleen's father.

Yeah.

I am telling you

Craig Bonner is the man to fear.

You-you have heard
of Craig Bonner.

Craig Bonner?

Cra... oh, Craig Bonner!

Cr-Craig Bonner,
the... the gunfighter.

Everybody's heard of him.

Today when I read your palm,

I saw danger in this man.

At first, I did not want
to tell you all that I saw.

At last I feel better.

Now that the whole truth is out,

a stone is lifted from my heart.

Uh, Madame... Wait a minute.

What, uh, what's this Craig
Bonner got to do with me?

Craig Bonner
rides to Virginia City

for one reason... Yeah?

To k*ll Hoss Cartwright.

Fine. Fine, fine.

Look, I'm trying
to explain to you

that this Madame
Adella makes money

by scaring people like you.

Look, I'll tell
you, I'll tell you.

She's gonna show
up in a couple of days,

she's gonna tell
you she'll protect you

from this Craig Bonner,

as long as you cross
her palm with a little silver.

Yeah, maybe so, Joe,

but dad-burnit, she's been
right about everything else.

Yeah, well, you ought to try
reading her palm sometime.

I'll tell you right now, it's
gonna say right across it:

"E pluribus unum."

You talk to him right.

Nobody can tell future
by looking at the palm!

You're absolutely
right, Hop Sing.

That is all hoglash.

No, no, H... hogwash.

That's what I say, hoglash.

Hog... well, that's what
I've been trying to tell him.

Now, this is only
way to tell future.

Oh, come on, Hop Sing.

Come on, Joe, we got things...

No, sticks show
what happen in future.

Aw, come on, Hop Sing.

I mean, you're-you're
being just as bad

as this Madame Adella.

You wrong.

She Madame Adella come lately.

Chinese been telling future

since long before
Great w*r in China.

Now, you drop sticks, Mr. Hoss.

Come.

Where they fall

is how everything
going to be for you.

Well, if it doesn't work out,

we can always play tiddlywinks.

All right, Hop Sing,
I'm gonna do it,

but not because I believe it.

Just tryin' to understand
and be nice, that's all.

I'll...

So, uh... now, what do they say?

I know sticks will tell.

Yeah, well, what do they tell?

They say somebody
coming to Virginia City

to k*ll you.

Very good, Hop Sing.

♪♪

And don't try it again.

Ah!

Oh! Black cat!

Black cat!

Oh!

Ah, black cat. Bad luck!

Ah, that is why I have come.

I am Madame Adella.

I foretell the future.

Your life is in great
danger, Craig Bonner.

I know, I know.

Get that black cat
out of here, lady.

You know nothing.

There is more to be told.

Come to my tent at 3:00.

3:00!

Your life depends on it.

Whoa.

What are you looking for?

Oh, just checkin', that's all.

Yeah, but checking what?

Well... for strangers.

Oh, Hoss, come on.

Are you still... are
you still worrying

about that gunfighter business?

Joe, I ain't worried about
no gunfighter or nobody else.

It's just... want to
make sure, that's all.

Now, look, this is nonsense.

Now, nobody can
predict the future, right?

Am I right?

- Right.
- Well, all right, then.

Let's go in and get the supplies
before something happens.

Yeah.

What do you mean,
"before something happens"?

Ah, good morning, boys.

Good morning, Seth.

Morning, Seth.

We, uh, come in to
pick up them supplies.

Well, let's see, that
was five sacks of grain

and two sacks of sugar, right?

- Right.
- Right. Hey, and-and Pa wants

some pipe tobacco, too.

Well, I'll have it for you

as soon as the supply
wagon gets here.

You mean it ain't here yet?

No, it's a little late.

Be an hour or two.

I'm sorry, but these
things happen.

Well... Well, what do we do now?

Well, dad-burnit, we can't
go back home without it, so...

might as well just
wait around here, huh?

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we go
down, pick up the mail

and then go over to the
saloon and have a beer?

All right.

Just one beer, though.

I don't want nothing
else to go wrong.

What could go wrong?

- Two fellas having a beer?
- Yeah.

Hardly anybody ever
gets k*lled in a saloon.

Hey, Dean. Got any mail for us?

Can you see any strangers?

Oh, Joe, dad-burnit.

Psst.

Your, uh... your pa
ain't back there, is he?

No.

Oh, Hoss, I'm so happy

I ran into you in town today.

Yeah, well, I was, uh...

I was sort of hoping I'd see
you in town today, too, ma'am.

I'm sorry about your eye.

Oh, that's all right, ma'am.

It ain't too sore anymore.

Ah, thank you, Dean.

Sometimes Papa treats
me like I was a little girl.

You don't think of me as
a little girl, do you, Hoss?

Uh, no, ma'am!

No, ma'am. Not at all.

Don't you think I'm old
enough for courting?

Yes'm.

Will you court me, Hoss?

If you really want me to.

Oh... oh, Hoss, I want you to.

More than anything,
I want you to.

But what about your pa?

You know, I got a funny
feeling he don't like me much.

Oh, he will once he
gets to know you, Hoss.

It's just that since
Mama died...

it's just been me and Papa.

I'm all he has, see, and...

he just doesn't want
anything to happen to me.

Yeah, well, the way he
looks after you, ma'am,

there ain't much likelihood
of anything happenin' to you.

Where, uh, is your pa now?

Well, he's over at the bank
taking care of some business.

You do like me just a
little bit, don't you, Hoss?

Oh, ma'am, I... I
like you a bunch.

Will you come by
the house tonight?

Why, yes, ma'am. I'd love to.

But, uh, what about your pa?

Oh, um, well,
I'll take care of it.

I'll talk to Papa.

Is 8:30 too late?

No, ma'am, 8-8:30's just fine.

Oh, dear.

There's Papa.

Hoss, would you look
your very best tonight?

I want you to make a
good impression on Papa.

Y-Yes, yes'm.

Bye.

Yes'm.

Hi, Charlie.

Hoss!

Oh! Oh, hi, Roy!

Look it yonder.

Where?

Over on the hotel stoop.

Yeah, who's he?

Well, that's Craig Bonner.

He's reputed to be
the greatest gunfighter

in this whole territory.

Oh, yeah?

What's the matter, Hoss?

You're looking a little pale.

Oh, lordy.

How doing, brother?

- Joe, he's here.
- Hmm?

- He's here.
- Supply wagon? Good.

No, no. Him.

"Him." Who's "him"?

Craig Bonner, that's who.

- Are you sure?
- Sure, I'm sure.

I just seen him
with my own eyes.

Well, what's he look like?

Well, he looks like something

I don't want to get
messed up with,

that's for sure.

Dad-burn! Everything that
Madame Adella has said's come true.

Oh, now, Hoss, come
on. Will you relax?

He's probably just
passing through.

Joe, she ain't been
wrong about nothing!

Well, what are you gonna do?

Well, I... I'm gonna stay
away from him, that's for sure!

Hey, Roy? Roy,
come here a minute.

Excuse me.

What's up?

What's that feller
doing in town anyhow?

Well, he's looking
for someone in town,

but he won't say who.

What's the matter, Hoss?

You coming down with
the grip or something?

No, I'm, I'm just fine, Roy.

Just fine.

Hey, listen, Roy. What do you,

what do you know about him?

Well, just that he's

supposed to be about
the fastest g*n around.

Yeah, well, he must be wanted
somewhere for something.

Yeah.

Nothing that I know of.

Yeah, I've heard tell
he's k*lled about 12 men.

13 to be exact.

But they was all fair fights.

Now, boys, I'll see you later.

Thirteen?

Thirteen. That's
an unlucky number.

Yeah.

If I was him, I'd
k*ll another guy

just to get off that number.

Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

- Kathleen!
- Oh.

Kathleen, honey.

Oh, hello, Craig.

Kathleen, honey, I'd know
that perfume anywhere.

Oh, what are you doing here?

What am I...?

It's me, Craig Bonner!

What's all this "Oh,
hello" business?

Well, I just didn't expect
to see you, that's all.

Surprised, huh?

Oh, am I.

How's about giving your
fiancé a big kiss, huh?

Oh, well, not-not here, Craig.

Why not? You're
my girl, aren't you?

You ain't been fooling around
with any other guys, have you?

No, of course not.

What do you think I am?

A woman.

Now, I come nearly
400 miles to find you,

and I ain't in no
mood to play games.

Well, I'm not
playing games, Craig.

Not with you, honey.

See, I came to town because I,

I had this appointment
at the, at the dressmaker.

And I, I'm-I'm having
this dress made.

It's red, your favorite color.

That's good. Red's
my favorite color!

Now, you wear it tonight
because I'm coming calling.

I've got something
mighty important

I want to talk over with you.

Oh, well, uh, see I'm late

for the dressmaker now, Craig.

And-and you know how they are

about appointments
so I'll see you, good-bye.

Wait! Where do you live?

Women.

Hey, hey, come on.

Will you stop being so nervous?

You're gonna
break out in a rash.

Hey, Joe! Joe!

There he is... Craig Bonner!

What are we gonna do now?

Will you stop worrying?
Just walk natural.

He doesn't know who you are.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

Kind of clumsy, ain't he?

I want to see where he's going.

Hey!

He's going into Madame Adella's.

I reckon what he's
gonna do in there?

Yeah. Maybe he's
gonna get his palm read.

Yeah.

His g*n hand.

I wonder what it says.

Yeah.

Me, too.

You are standing on the street.

Main Street.

You are facing a man.

A big strong man.

You are wearing a g*n.

He is wearing a g*n.

You are faster than he is.

But you do not win the fight.

I see you lying very
still in the street.

You are bleeding.

And your eyes are closed.

Am I dead?

This I cannot foretell.

Only that you are bleeding.

I can't stand the
sight of blood.

It makes me sick.

There's only one way
to escape your fate.

How's that?

You must leave Virginia City.

Go far, far away.

You must leave at once.

Today.

You mean run?

Yes.

For your life.

Craig Bonner don't
run from man nor beast.

How much time have I got?

Time is running out.

The man you will
meet is Hoss Cartwright.

He's a very dangerous man.

You must run quickly.

If you meet him...

If I meet him, I'll k*ll him!

Oh, what happened?

I just shot myself in the foot.

We'll return to tonight's
story of Bonanza

in a moment.

And now the exciting
conclusion of tonight's story.

Craig Bonner?

Papa, I love him.

What's that got
to do with it, hmm?

Well, it's got
everything to do with it.

Papa, I'm not going
through with this.

I'm serious.


You're delirious is
more like it, isn't it?

Papa, this is different.

What's different about it, huh?

Well, this is, is true love.

It's a, it's a pure love.

And I'm reborn.

Just one more time,
Kathleen, please.

Just once more, please.

But there's nothing
new about moonshining.

This is not moonshining.

Why, this ingenious machine

is gonna create
an elixir of the ages!

It's gonna be Dr. John Walker's

Infinite Bromide.

Just think what that
will mean to mankind.

Just think what
it'll mean to me!

It's the dream of my life!

No more two-bit schemes.

And Aunt Adella, she
can give up fortune-telling.

And you and she
and I will travel.

We'll be rich!

And what's that got to
do with Hoss Cartwright?

Why, everything!

Hoss has got money.

And you as Hoss' fiancée,

you'll have access
to that money.

We can't do anything
about this dream

without Hoss' money.

You, you wouldn't turn your back

on your poor father, would you?

Papa, I just want
to live my own life.

What? Married to some
broken-down, two-bit gunfighter?

Who will find himself
shot in the belly

in some back alley someday?

- I love Craig!
- It seems to me you told me

that you'd never marry
a man who totes a g*n.

Oh, Papa.

What am I gonna do?

I'm so mixed up.

I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.

I'm almost finished
with our elixir.

And when it turns
to that golden hue,

your Aunt Adella and I,
we're gonna go on the road.

And we'll make a fortune!

And what about me?

You'll be free as a bird.

You can marry anybody you want.

Please? Kathleen, please?

Just one more time?

Is this really the last time?

I promise you.

No more schemes.

As soon as I finish this one.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Kane.

Good day.

Hey, Seth. Those
supplies come in yet?

- Hi, Seth.
- Yeah, about 20 minutes ago.

Ah, good. If you
would just tell us

where that grain and
sugar is, we'll pick it up.

Right, and don't forget
Pa's pipe tobacco.

Yeah, and the pipe tobacco.

Well, the tobacco
I can let you have.

But I'm out of grain
and sugar again.

What?

That's right, Hoss.

Well, how can that be?

You said the wagon just
came in 20 minutes ago.

Well, that's true, Little Joe.

But, uh, John Walker came

and bought all my
grain and sugar.

Just getting started, I guess

he's kind of short
of supplies himself.

- Well, I'll be...
- Aw, doggone it, Seth,

you knew we were
coming back here.

- Why didn't you save some of it for us?
- Yeah.

Business is business.

And in my business,
first come, first serve.

- Oh...
- Thanks a lot.

Well, now what do we do?

Well, dad-burnit, we go
back home without it, that's all.

Pa sure is gonna
be sore, though.

You can say that again.

Wait. Don't forget
your pa's tobacco.

Thanks a lot, Seth.

There you are.

Yeah, thanks. I'd hate to
go home empty-handed.

Tell your pa there'll be a load

of fresh supplies
in the morning.

And don't be late!

Oh, business has sure been good.

That ought to hold it.

Fine. You better
fix up the barn, too.

Hmm.

Hi.

Well.

Where, uh...

where are the supplies
you went to get?

We didn't, uh, we
didn't get 'em, Pa.

So I, uh, so I noticed.

Why?

Well, old... old Seth
was all sold out.

Yeah.

- Sold out.
- All... all sold out.

- Uh-huh.
- No sugar, no grain.

Mm-hmm.

The, uh, the supply
wagon didn't come in,

is that... is that correct?

No. No, it did.

It came in.

Oh, the supply wagon came in.

Then what happened?

Well, Pa, it... it got there
about an hour late, see,

and old Seth said we might
as well hang around and wait,

so we went over to
the saloon and waited.

And had yourselves
a couple of beers.

- Huh?
- No, no.

No, no, just... just one.

I mean, he-he had
one and I had one.

Oh, I see, one beer each.

Then what happened?

Well, dad-burnit, Pa,

when we got back
over there at the store,

the-the wagon had come and gone

and Seth was
already sold out again.

I see. He was
just sold out again.

No grain... No grain.

No sugar?

- No sugar.
- Nothing.

You didn't bring anything
back, is that correct?

Oh, no, no. We, uh... we, uh...

Oh, you did bring
something back.

What's that?

- Pipe.
- Uh, uh, your pipe tobacco.

Oh, my pipe tobacco.

A whole lot of it.

Well, isn't that nice of you?

I have some advice for you.

Give that pipe
tobacco to Hop Sing.

It might help
allay his feelings.

He's been waiting for
those supplies for two days!

Whew...

I tell you, he wasn't as bad
as I thought he was going to be.

Can always chew that.

Well, I got the flowers, Hoss.

Don't ask me where I got 'em.

Where'd you get 'em?

Well, you know that planter box

Hop Sing's been
working on all spring?

Oh, Joe, he's mighty
proud of them flowers.

Well, we had to get some
kind of a bouquet for Kathleen.

Yeah, but if he
finds out about it,

he-he won't feed
us for six months.

Well, now, what's
more important...

You missing a few meals
or-or making Kathleen happy?

Now, that ain't a
fair question, is it?

Everything is fair
in love and w*r.

Now, here.

Got your buggy waitin'.

Yeah. How do I look?

You look beautiful.

You look absolutely beautiful.

Really?

Yeah.

Whatever Kathleen sees in you,

there sure is a lot of it.

Yeah.

Come on, let's go, you're late.

All right. All right...
Wait, Joe, Joe.

Are you sure, now?

I mean... You couldn't
look any better.

Believe me.

Yeah.

But how?

You just tell me how

a man could sh**t
himself in his own foot!

Believe me, it wasn't easy.

The doctor said he'll
be laid up for a week.

Oh, that's great.
That's just dandy!

You sure messed
things up, didn't you?

- I did?
- Yes, you!

You're supposed to
scare him out of town,

not cr*pple him so he can't
even run around the block!

How was I to know
he was so clumsy?

Isn't he supposed to
be the big gunfighter?

And now you tell me
Kathleen is sweet on him.

You're supposed to be able
to predict the future, aren't you?

Why, you old fake, you!

Fake, am I?

Why, you miserable
excuse for a brother!

All right, now, sis,
calm down, calm down.

It's not gonna do us any good

standing here
yelling at each other.

Now, what I'm worried about:

is Craig Bonner
going to stay put?

Just a minute!

Just a minute, dear.

Don't be so impatient.

Craig...

You wasn't expectin'
someone else, was you?

Oh, no. Uh... what happened?

Oh, I had an accident.

An accident?

Look, it's a long story

and I'd just as soon
not go into it right now.

I think I'd better sit down.

- Well...
- Flowers.

You know I get
sneezy around 'em.

Yes, dear.

- Flowers...
- Craig, don't you think that...

I think I'd better sit
down. That's a good idea.

Here.

Ah.

- Oh.
- The chocolate...

Chocolates? You know
I get itchy around 'em.

Oh...

Oh, Craig, what am
I gonna do with you?

Is there anybody in the house?

No.

We're all alone. Why?

Craig, you're wearing glasses.

You noticed.

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Honey... Who's that?

Oh... What's the matter?

Oh, it's 8:30, Craig.

So it's 8:30.

So what are you gettin'
so nervous about?

You act like you got a keg
of powder in your bustle.

I think I have.

Who is that?

Uh, I'll, uh, I'll go see.

Get rid of whoever it is.

Craig, do you trust me?

You're a woman.

No.

Well, you just have
to, because I can't...

- Ow!
- Craig, I'm sorry.

- You stepped on my sore foot.
- Oh, please, get up.

- Please, Craig, no matter what happens...
- Hey!

No matter what you hear,

that you'll trust
me. Please promise.

Women.

Ow...

My glasses.

Nobody move.

Just a minute.

Oh, Hoss, you look beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful.

Yeah.

I know.

Um, is your pa anywheres abouts?

Uh, well, he's gone into town.

He'll be back soon.

- Come on, sit down.
- Yes'm.

Bless you.

That wasn't your pa?

Oh, uh, he had to go into town.

He'll be back soon.

Well, who's that?

Oh, it must've,
um, been the dog.

He's been sick.

Hoss, uh, I told Papa
he was wrong about you

and that I'd invited
you out here.

Yeah? What, uh...
what'd he say to that?

Oh, he said he was looking
forward to meeting you.

Yeah, I'll bet he is.

Oh, no, he is, Hoss, really.

You're sure?

Oh, if there's one
man I know, it's Papa,

and if he didn't want you
to come, he'd have said so.

Hoss...

you were telling the
truth, weren't you,

when you said you weren't
courting anyone but me?

Why, yes, ma'am, I
was telling the truth.

You're the... you're
the only one I'm courtin'.

Glasses?

Here, glasses...
Glasses... Here...

And you really like me?

Yes'm.

Do you really mean that, Hoss?

Sure, I mean it.

And you care? I
mean... you really care?

Yes, ma'am, I-I
like you a bunch.

Oh, Hoss.

I think I'm losing
my hearing, too.

Kathleen!

Papa!

Wait, Mr. Walker!

Mr. Walker, this
ain't what it looks like.

It ain't, huh?

Now what are you doing
here alone with my daughter?

- Well...
- It seems to me

you've got her in a mighty
compromising position.

- But...
- And it also seems to me

that there's only one
honorable solution

and that's marriage!

Hoss, we have no choice.

I've... I've heard enough!

No, Craig.

Oh...

I've come here after ten
years of courting you, Kathleen,

to take you as my bride.

My eyes have gone bad

and I've given up
gunfighting forever.

I even bought that little
ranch, just like you wanted.

But when I get
here, what do I find?

You've given up gunfighting?

Why didn't you tell me, Craig?

You never gave me a chance!

Foolin' around with
this yahoo, here.

Oh, Craig, you don't understand.

I understand what
I hear, and I hear

you're gonna marry
this no-good galoot.

Well, I've heard enough.

I'm leaving.

- Forever.
- Oh...

- Bless you.
- Oh... Oh, Craig... Craig...

Oh... What's the
matter with you?

Ain't you got no
blood in your veins?

Go get her!

You're right.

Now, see here.

Miss Kathleen, I-I
ain't afraid of him.

Hey, you!

Hoss, I love him.

Oh, well, that's different.

- See, Mr. Walker...
- What did you ever see in him, anyway?

- Why, he's homely!
- Homely? I am beautiful!

My still!

Don't even ask.

Did something go wrong?

Not altogether.

I didn't get to court her none.

She was already
courtin' another feller.

Craig Bonner.

She's gonna marry him,

as soon as her
pa gets out of jail.

Reason her pa went to jail...

No. Forget it.

Like you said.

Yeah.

Don't even ask.

Well, I'll...

I'll put these in
some water for you.

Thanks, Joe.

When Chevrolet tells you
they've got a big new line

of work power trucks
going for you in '66,

you'd better believe 'em.

Take this Chevy
Fleetside for an example.

The smoothest-riding,

toughest-built pickup
in the business.

And... the fastest-selling.

Now, you take this
new low-cost Chevy Van.

A real tough competitor,

unitized construction,
built to last.

They should call it a Space Van.

Load space.

Room enough for
better than a ton of cargo.

And that engine up front's

a real tightwad
with your gasoline.

And you can get
it up to 140 horses.

Yes, sir.

So when Chevrolet tells
you they've got a big new line

of work power trucks
going for you in '66,

you better believe 'em.

See your Chevrolet dealer.

You hear?
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