04x22 - Gloria Sings the Blues

[bunniefuu]

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
The hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
Where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
And men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
Like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
No welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
His weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
Ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

And just remember one thing -

when you're out there tomorrow,

you're fishing with me
and my buddies,

let's have no talk about
politics or world conditions,

or anything dumb like that.

Keep it all fish talk.

Don't worry, Arch.

I promise I won't say anything
to offend your peer group.

What do you mean, "pier"?
We're fishing off a boat.

I forgot.

Hey, Arch. Didn't you say
the bluefish were running?

That's what I said.

The line you've got on there
is too heavy.

Shouldn't you be using
a -pound line?

Nah. -pound line
breaks too easy.

Yeah. But with a -pound line,
it's not fair.

It's not the sporting
thing to do.

Ah, listen to this guy.

If I use
a -pound line,

can you hear what
the fish would say?

"Oh, Jeez.
I love this hook.

"There's a sport
at the other end of it."

Arch, you're not giving
the fish a fighting chance.

I don't want to fight
with the fish,

I want to catch them.

I'm gonna use
the lighter line.

You do what
you want to do.

You know, Arch, I'm really
looking forward to tomorrow.

I think we're gonna
have a lot of fun.

Yeah. You bet we will.

I want to tell
you something else.

It makes me very happy

you're doing something normal
for a change like fishing.

Up to now, it's been nothing
but books and bedrooms.

Here. Hold the end
of this now, huh?

Oh. I hate to interrupt you
while you're being friends.

Then why don't you
leave us alone?

All I want to know

is what do my two fisherboys
want to eat tonight?

I think the word
for it is dinner.

Tonight you've got a choice.

You can have
yesterday's chicken

or the day before's
meatloaf.

And you can have them
hot or cold.

You can have the meatloaf cold
and the chicken hot,

or the chicken cold
and the meatloaf hot.

Or you can have them
both hot or both cold.

Well, I think--

Or you can have
tomorrow's liver today.

Why don't you just
surprise us, huh?

EDITH: Hello, Gloria.

MICHAEL: Hi, honey.

How was your
day at work?

Fine.
That's good.

Do you want
to eat here tonight

or are you and Mike
gonna go out?

I don't know.

Honey, if you want to go out
it's all right.

I don't care.

Good.

I figure we're getting up
early to go fishing tomorrow,

we might as well
stay home, huh?

Whatever you say.

Gloria,
are you all right?

Yeah.

You're acting
kind of funny.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I won't do it again.

Gloria, would you like
to help me get the dinner on?

Sure, Ma.

What are you sitting there for?

You waiting to get
your picture took?

Go on. Help your mother
get the dinner on.

Will you hurry up?
I'm hungry.

[SOBS]

Gloria,
what's the matter?

Leave me alone!

Why did you even
say that to her?

What? I didn't hear
myself say nothing.

Where is Gloria?

Oh, gee, she's upstairs
crying her eyes out.

Oh, my. What happened?

I don't know.

I told her to go on in
and help you set the table

and the waterworks started.

Oh. Something's
bothering her.

She put me in mind of you

when you was going
through the change.

Oh, Archie, I think
she's too young for that.

Gee, thanks for
straightening me out, Edie.

Whatever it is,

this is your fault, this here.

You should've talked
to her about this.

How could I when I didn't know
it was gonna happen?

I'm talking about years ago.

You should've took
your daughter aside.

You should've said, "Gloria,
there are gonna be times

"when you're gonna
be a pain in the neck

"and you're gonna
upset your father.

Don't ever do that."

Oh, all right.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Oh, she's coming back down.

All right, shush. Make out like
you didn't notice nothing.

I'm glad you're back. Do you
feel all right now, Gloria?

Oh, yeah,
she's fine, Ma.

I'm sorry I acted
that way.

Oh, think nothing of it,
little girl.

Nobody here noticed nothing,
did we, Edie?

No. I was out in the kitchen
when it happened.

You told me about it.

Gloria, dear, do you
feel all right enough

to help me
with the dinner?

Sure, Ma.

What's the story? What's the
matter with your wife?

I don't know.
How'd you get her to come down?

I just asked her.

She said, "I'll come down.
There's nothing wrong with me."

Something's depressing her.

Oh, well, that's very
simple to understand.

MICHAEL: What?

Don't you know nothing
about women at all?

When they're down in the dumps
this way,

you wanna cheer them up,
you buy them a new hat.

Gloria doesn't wear hats.

Maybe that's what's the matter
with her. She wants a hat.

Go buy her a hat.
I'll lend you the money.

That's not it.

Dinner! Get it
while it's cold.

Gee, what a joke.
Serve it up, huh?

Gloria, have some meatloaf,
it's delicious.

I'm not
hungry.

All right, over here,
then, over here.

What's the matter,
Gloria?

I don't know, Ma.
I just feel blah.

Well, you felt all right
this morning when you left.

Yeah. I was fine until
I got on the subway tonight.

Did somebody
bother you?

Oh, gee, some of them animals
on the subway,

they ought to
be chained up.

It's nothing like that.

Listen, if I was
the mayor of this city,

I'd quarantine
them subways.

How would people
get to work?

Let them eat cake.

Gloria, tell me
what happened.

Well, I was
feeling good, I was.

I was glad it was
the end of the week.

I was really looking forward
to coming home.

Anyway, I got on the subway,
I sat down,

and I began to look
at the faces around me

and they all looked the same,
dull and blank.

And all of a sudden I thought,
"What's the use?"

All you need, little girl,
is a good dose of castor oil.

What?

That's right.

Any time I ever come home

with my tail
dragging behind me,

that's what
my mother done to me.

She'd grab me by the nose,
open up the kisser

and a good dose
right down the pipe.

Boy, that cheered me up
every time.

Castor oil
cheered you up?

Damn right. It was either be
cheered up or get another dose.

Gloria, maybe it'll help you if
you talk about it a little more.

What's there
to talk about?

It's just there's nothing
to look forward to.

Oh, Gloria, you've got
your whole life ahead of you

and you've got Mike.

Oh, gee, she's feeling bad
enough. Don't make it worse.

Stop with that.

Oh, nuts to you.

Eat something, Gloria.
You'll feel better.

It's just that it's always
the same thing day after day.

It's all so useless.

Hey, Gloria, honey,
I know how you feel.

Sometimes I hate
my day too.

You realize how many
boring things I gotta do

in a single day
that drive me crazy?

I gotta get up,
I gotta brush my teeth,

I have to shave
and I hate to shave.

There are mornings when I stand
there debating with that mirror,

"Should I shave or should I
cut my throat?" but I shave.

You know, it's too bad
you always lose that argument.

I'm talking to Gloria. Will you
lay off with the stupid remarks?

It's my table--
You're not helping.

We've got a problem.
Don't tell me--

That's another thing
that's always the same,

the two of you arguing and
always about the same thing.

Nothing every changes
in this crummy house.

What do you mean,
"crummy house"?

Where do you get
that stuff?

Gloria, that ain't nice.

Your father and me have always
tried to give you a good home.

Yeah. But it's always the same,
every night the same.

"How was your day?"
"Lousy."

The same, "What's for dinner?"

The same, "Get me a beer."

Is that all life's about?
Excuse me.

Wait a minute. You ain't getting
away with that, little girl.

Come on, now.

This ain't
no royal palace here.

Me and your mother
ain't no duke or dukess.

But I think
we've done pretty good.

Not in my book you didn't.
Well, just what do you mean?

Ooh!
What is this here?

Gloria feels upset. I'm sure she
don't mean what she's saying.

Yes, I do! Don't you understand?

I don't wanna end up
like the two of you!

Edith, Edith, where are you?

EDITH: In the
kitchen, Archie.

Oh, you're in the kitchen, huh?

Why didn't you wake me up
a little bit earlier?

It's after a.m.,
I'm gonna have to rush

to make that
fishing boat.

You've got
plenty of time.

Edith, and the house
is as cold as an icebox.

Didn't you think
to turn up the heat?

Oh, I don't think
we should, Archie,

not with the energy crisis.

Oh, the energy crisis.

I wish you would come up with
one of them hot flashes of yours

now that we need it.

Come on, come on.

Here's your coffee.
Now, I got everything ready.

Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.

I've been up
a couple of hours.

I couldn't sleep
last night.

I think because of
what Gloria said to us.

Oh, listen,
that daughter of yours

is pretty fresh there, you know.

People tell me that
she's got my eyes,

but that mouth of hers,
that's your side of the family.

Imagine a daughter saying them
things to her mother and father.

I don't think
that was Gloria talking.

Oh, gee, what,
the devil make her do it?

Maybe I ought to get one of them
priests in to exercise with her.

No, something
was bothering Gloria,

so she took it out on the people
that are closest to her.

Well, what kind of talk is that,

she don't wanna
end up like us, huh?

We didn't end up so bad, did we?

I always did all right
by you, didn't I?

Oh, yeah.

After all, you got a nice life.

You got a home here.

You got clothes,
you got a color TV out there.

You got all the dishes you need.

Can you ask for anything
I wouldn't give you?

Well, I could use another
$ a week for the house money.

Well, you ain't getting that.

Yeah. Well, here you are.

Where are you going?
I better call Mike.

You mean to tell me
that meathead

ain't been down
to breakfast yet?

No.
Get out of the way.
I'll call him myself.

You can't depend
on that guy for nothing.

Well, what are you doing up
so early, little girl?

I couldn't sleep.

Oh, well,
I'm not surprised.

How could anybody sleep
in a crummy house like this?

Oh, Daddy, I'm sorry
about what I said last night.

You're sorry? Well,
that goes double for me.

Daddy, please don't
be angry with me.

I didn't know
what I was saying.

I mean, whatever I said,
it had nothing to do with you.

I guess I was
talking that way--

Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.

If it's female,
don't tell me, huh?

I just want to know
how you are.

Are you all right?

Yeah, Daddy.
I'm all right.

Well, if you're gonna
sit down here, it's cold.

Maybe you ought to get
your blanket, huh?

No, thank you.

Why don't you
go back up to bed?

Oh, no. I'm afraid
I'll wake Michael.

You'll wake Michael?

You mean to tell me he ain't
out of that sack yet?

The one time I wanted him
with me, and he ain't here!

That bum could sleep
a hundred years.

Oh, jeez,
look at this.

Rip Van Meathead.

Get up out of there.
I'm up. I'm up.

Get out of the bed, there!
What are you doing?

Here's your pants.
Sh, sh!

Get them on you, huh?
Sh!

I can never
depend on you for--

Hold it! Hold it!
What are you doing here?

You're putting your pants on
over your pajamas.

It's all right.
It'll be cold on the boat.

I don't have
any long underwear.

All right,
just hurry up, huh?

Will you shush!

Why are you
shushing me?

I don't want to
wake up Gloria!

Gloria ain't here!
She's downstairs.

What's she doing
downstairs?

She's sitting
in a chair down there.

She's all right.

How do you know?
She told me.

What did
she say?

She said, "I'm all right."

Will you
hurry it up, please!

Oh, I was worried
about her.

Last night
she wouldn't talk to me.

It was like there was
a pane of glass between us.

Do you know that we don't
catch that fishing boat,

there ain't gonna be
no deep-sea fishing.

We'll have to stay on the dock
with the old people.

Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it!

What are you
doing here?

What?

What about
the other foot?

There ain't
no sock on it.

I'll get to it.

Don't you know that the whole
world puts on a sock and a sock

and a shoe and a shoe?

I like to take care of
one foot at a time.

That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard in my life!

It's just as quick
my way.

Wait a minute.
That ain't the point.

You see, what I--
Don't keep doing it!

Listen to me!

Suppose there's a fire
in the house

and you've got to run
for your life.

Your way, all you've got on
is one shoe and a sock.

My way, you've got on
a sock and a sock.

You see? You're even.

Suppose it's raining
or snowing outside.

Your way, with a sock
on each foot,

my feet would get wet.

My way, with a sock
and a shoe on one foot,

I could hop around
and stay dry.

I think you've been
hopping around on your head.

Wait a minute.
Wait a-- Listen to me!

Supposing the other sock's
got a hole in it.

It doesn't have
a hole in it.

I said supposing
it's got a hole in it.

All right, suppose
it has a hole.

All right, it's got
a hole in it.

So you ain't got
another matching pair,

so what are you
gonna do?

Your way, you gotta take off
a whole shoe and a sock.

My way, all you gotta do
is take off one sock.

All right, if it'll
make you happy,

I'll start
all over again.

No! Not now!
You're halfway through now!

Jeez, get on with it.
We're in a hurry.

You can start doing it
the right way tomorrow morning.

And do it that way
for the rest of your life!

Gloria. Oh, I brought you
some juice.

Drink all of it.

You never can tell what part
the vitamin C might be in.

Boy, I want to tell you there's
some people in this world

you can never get nothing
through their heads.

Look who's up.

I know who's up.

Do you know who's got to
get out of here, huh?

Will you get
my lunch ready?

Oh, yeah,
right away, Arch.

Listen, little girl, you mind if
I ask you a personal question?

GLORIA:
No.

Did you ever watch your husband
dress himself in the morning?

Sometimes.

Did you know
that he puts on

a sock and a shoe
and a sock and a shoe

instead of a sock and a sock
and a shoe and a shoe?

What?

What's the sense in asking you?
You wear pantyhose.

Gloria.
Oh, here he is.

Now, will you get your gear
together and get ready to leave?

We gotta get going!

Take it easy, will you?
I want to talk to Gloria first.

We've got a boat
to catch.

Don't worry.
We'll make it.

Here's your lunch,
Archie.

Leave it there,
Edith.

Gloria,
how do you feel?

Fine.

You want me
to stay home with you?

Whatever you like.

Because, you know,
I don't have to go fishing.

Do what you want.

Well, what do you want?
Just tell me.

Go fishing.
You're sure?

Michael, if you want to
go fishing, go fishing.

Gloria,
where are you going?

Back to bed.

Oh, don't go away.
I want to talk to you.

What about?

Uh, well, just wait
a minute.

Okay. Okay. We're all set.
Let's go now, huh?

Wait a second. Wait a second.
I forgot something.

What are you
doing now?

Bye, honey.

Oh, look at this.
He's got to stop for that.

Okay, you gotta wait
for me now. I forgot something.

Oh, Archie!

Get out of the way, Edith.

What did
you forget?

My six-pack
of beer.

You can't go fishing
without beer, Edie.

Okay, let's go.

Now, watch the poles! Don't
hit them on the top of the door.

Here, hold them this way
on the vertizontal there.

Okay, that's right.
Now, come on. Let's go.

[FISHING POLES CRACK]

[ARCHIE YELLS]

ARCHIE: You're a k*ller.
That's what you are!

Have a good time.

Oh, Gloria,

you still ain't feeling good,
are you?

I feel awful.

Well, come on out
in the kitchen.

I'll fix you
some breakfast.

You can keep me company,
and we'll talk.

Here, you sit
right down here

and I'll have some nice
scrambled eggs for you

in a jiffy.

Speaking of eggs, Gloria,

before Archie and me
got married,

he used to
go around saying,

"There's no cooking
like my mother's."

So I went over
to his mother's,

and she showed me
how to cook for Archie.

Oh, my, I'll never forget the
first time I served him eggs.

He took a bite,
and a look came over his face.

I said, "Don't you like them?"

He said, "Edith, I always said

"there's nothing like
my mother's cooking

and here it is again!"

That's nice.

No, he hated
his mother's cooking.

I had to start all over again.

Now your father likes
your mother's cooking.

[GIGGLING]

Get it?

Ma, how do you do it?

How do you stay so cheerful
all the time?

Oh, I'm sad a lot of times.

Regular times, when people die,

and once, once, Gloria--

I haven't thought
about it for years.

It was terrible.

It was the day I was sure I
didn't love your father no more.

Really, Ma?

You stopped
loving Daddy?

What did he do
to you?

That's just the point.

Nothing.

He'd come home one night
and said hello

and I said hello.

And he sat down in his chair
to read his paper

just like he'd done
a thousand times before.

You know how he licks his
fingers when he turns the page:

I looked at him.

All of a sudden
he was a stranger.

I didn't know him,

and what's worse,
I didn't want to know him.

Ma, the same thing's
happened to me.

No!

You knew!

No!

Oh, well, it wasn't hard
to figure out.

When you told Mike to go fishing

your face looked the way I felt
that day with Archie.

Now I understand why you talked
to your father and me that way.

Because when
you're feeling like that,

you don't like nothing
about your life.

Yeah. Ma, you know when
it happened? Two nights ago?

You know, I was upstairs,
it was the middle of the night

and I woke up,
and I looked over at Michael.

Well, there he was, asleep,

grinding his teeth
like he always does.

But just like
it happened to you, Ma,

all of a sudden,
I didn't recognize him.

It was like I was
sleeping with a stranger.

And you were scared
you didn't love him no more.

That's right.

And Ma, what if
I don't get over it?

Gloria, all I can tell you
is I got over it the next day.

Archie came home, he said,
"Hello. Get me a beer,"

and I was in love.

Just like that?

Yeah!

That's how you knew
you loved Daddy again,

"Hello. Get me a beer"?

That's the way it happened.

You know, I think a lot of
marriages break up

because people don't wait
long enough

to recognize each other again.

Gloria?

It's Mike!

What's he doing
back home?

Mike! What are you
doing home?

Did you
forget something?

No, I got as far
as the subway.

I was so worried
about Gloria

that I told Archie
to go without me.

You were worried
about me?

Yeah, I knew something
was bothering you.

I've just been
avoiding it.

I shouldn't
have gone fishing.

When you've got
a problem,

I've got a problem.

I should have stayed home
and dealt with it.

And can we talk about this
over breakfast?

I'm hungry.

Ma,

did you hear
what he said?

He said,
"I'm hungry"!

[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

Michael, I love you!

[LAUGHING HAPPILY]

Oh, Ma, Ma,
isn't he beautiful?

What's so funny?

Oh, nothing.

We was just talking about
a couple of strangers we know.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Everything's all right?

It's perfect.

Oh, I'm glad,
honey.

Yeah. Now there's only
one little problem.

GLORIA:
What?

I've got Archie's fishing rod.

Edith.

Archie! You're back.

Where is that
dumb meathead?

He and Gloria went out
for a pizza.

I hope an anchovy
gets stuck in his throat.

Do you know what happened
because of him?

I had to lay out bucks
to rent a no-good fishing pole.

Did you catch something?

Oh, sure, Edith.

I caught a whale, but I couldn't
bring him home on the subway.

[GIGGLING]

[MOCKS GIGGLING]

Will you get me
a beer?

Right away.

[♪]

ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family was recorded
on tape before a live audience.