Cheryl!
Cheryl!
Shh! Shh! I just got
the babies to sleep.
What did you do?
My shirt got me.
Oh.
Oh, the light!
I'm sorry, honey.
I'm just so tired...
Being up all night
with the twins.
You weren't up once.
What are you
talkin' about?
When you got up,
you woke me up.
And when you walk,
your bones crack.
How old are you?
Oh!
I'm tired.
You're tired?
I'm the one raising
three kids and two babies.
You don't even get
to use the word "tired."
How about "I got a job"?
Can I use the words "mortgage,
bills, college fund"?
All right,
I can't say that word.
You know, Jim, you can say
whatever words you want,
'cause I will just say
breast-feeding and c-section.
All right, don't try to
confuse me by saying "breast."
Oh, you know, I-I am not
gonna have this fight now.
I don't want to have it either.
No, no, no, no.
Listen, I got a bears game
to watch this afternoon,
and they never win
when I'm tired!
Are you planning on
sitting downstairs all day
watching television?
Of course not, honey.
I'm gonna go to a bar.
Come on.
I can't concentrate with those
kids screamin' down there.
Oh!
What the hell is that?
Stupid video game
you got them. Go, go, go.
They're gonna wake the babies.
Oh, just when I got 'em down!
I got 'em down!
Okay, cool, fine.
It's yours.
♪♪♪
Hey!
Hey, hey! The babies are
sleeping. Keep it down.
Keep it down.
Keep it down!
What are you doing?
- We were rocking the house.
- Yeah, well, if you wake up those babies,
you're gonna be rockin'
a box under the bridge.
Look at what you did!
Cheryl?
I hear the babies crying.
Thanks for the update, Jim.
Not a fan of that tone,
Cheryl.
♪♪♪
didn't you hear what I said?
Why can't we play?
The babies are up anyways.
Cheryl. Cheryl!
All right, that's it.
Look, you have upset
your mother,
and that's with
a full night's rest.
All right, everybody,
listen up. I am leaving.
I'll be gone for hours. I'm not
gonna tell you where I'm going,
so don't call me. Good-bye.
Well, w-wait a second, Cheryl.
I think you forgot something.
What might that be, Jim?
Well, the--the babies,
your other kids, the laundry,
and I got a bears game
on at noon.
I didn't forget.
I haven't slept for weeks.
I am at my limit.
Are you leaving
because of us, mommy?
Absolutely.
You see, a few years ago
I would have lied
to spare your feelings,
but those days are gone.
Wait, wait. Cheryl, Cheryl,
Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl.
Cheryl, you can't go.
Why?
Because we're a team.
All right,
I didn't believe that either.
Good-bye.
Cheryl, listen to that!
Crap, crap, crap, crap.
This Jonathan cries
all day long, honey.
With my weak heart,
you can come back here--
I-I may be dead.
If he cries, pick him up
or give him this.
This is his snowman blankie.
If you lose this,
you'll wish you were dead.
And for making me
cross the room unnecessarily,
I'm gonna stay out
an extra hour.
Don't follow me.
You broke your mother.
What are we gonna do,
daddy?
We all gotta take some
responsibility in this house.
All right, now, you kids,
you watch the twins
while I go make lunch.
Can we have grilled cheese?
I didn't say I was
making lunch for you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, Ruby, Gracie, come on.
The kickoff's in five minutes.
I need you to watch the babies.
Oh!
Look at that, huh?
All right.
Here. That's it. Grab it.
Oh.
Act like
it's your mommy's boob.
Come on, grab it.
All right. All right.
All right.
See, Jonathan?
That's called using your head.
Oh, my god. It's game time.
Okay.
All right,
I'm gonna put you down.
Okay?
Look at Gordon. See?
Why can't you be happy
and quiet like Gordon?
But no, you gotta be
the difficult one.
All right.
Let me just give you that little
blankie of yours, all right?
Where's the blankie?
Gordon, you have it?
Where's the blankie?
Hi! Hi! Hi.
All right, all right, all right,
all right. I got you.
Ohh. Jonathan, I can't hold you
for the whole game.
I might spike you by accident.
Oh! Man, oh, man.
Is there anything better
than . hours of sleep?
Answer-- -hour nap
after breakfast.
Shut your yap
and help me find
this stupid baby's
stupid snowman blankie.
You know, Jim, you'd get
more flies with honey.
Kids, get down here!
They were supposed to watch
the babies during the game.
Now I can't even find 'em,
and then they lost
the kid's blankie!
Well, just draw a snowman
on a paper towel.
He won't know.
Babies are idiots.
I thought so, too,
but they know!
It's like they're people.
This blankie is like you
and that stupid stuffed elephant
you had as a kid.
Lord tuskington
is not stupid.
He's a lifelong companion,
and if I rub his ears,
he takes me to dreamland.
Oh, come on.
Kids? God.
Where have you been?
You're supposed
to watch the baby.
Where--where you been?
We finished that,
so we decided to go watch TV.
You lost his blankie.
Gracie!
Ruby!
Kyle!
All right, look,
everybody's gotta pitch in here
and have some responsibilities,
and you guys
just dropped the ball.
Oh, finally!
Finally you three rats
get what's comin' to ya!
Beat 'em, Jim. Beat 'em.
Beat 'em with a belt.
Andy... just settle
down here, all right?
And promise
you'll never have children.
Why not? inches
of reversible pleather
make for very obedient kids.
Andy!
Fine, .
All right, kids,
you are not responsible enough
to watch your brothers,
so I gotta care for 'em.
So you're gonna do my jobs.
Drink coffee
and read the paper?
Okay, Ruby,
start making dinner.
Gracie, laundry. Kyle, upstairs.
Make the bed, clean the trash
and pick up these toys.
We're sorry we lost
the blankie, dad.
I don't want to hear "sorry."
I want to hear vacuuming,
scrubbing and whatever sound
a meat loaf makes.
Damn it. If I don't find
that blankie, Andy,
we're gonna have to hold him
for the whole game.
Hey, w-what about taking him
for a drive?
That usually calms him down.
Yeah. That is a great idea.
Andy, that is great.
Oh.
Uncle Andy.
Okay, you can take my truck.
Just have him back
at the end of the game.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, my god. Look at that.
His blankie.
I've had it the whole time.
I must have
put it in my pocket
when I was putting stuff
in my pocket.
Wow!
You yelled at your kids
for no reason.
I think someone owes them
an apology.
I don't owe them nothin'.
They never pitch in around here.
I finally got 'em
up and workin'.
Dad?
And I intend
to keep it that way.
Yes?
Do you want mashed potatoes
with the meat loaf?
Why, yes, I want mashed potatoes
with my meat loaf,
and some gravy.
Don't you
think that's dishonest?
Ruby?
And make sure there's enough
for uncle Andy.
Yeah, and bake a cake.
It's my half birthday.
You heard the man.
Hop to it!
Ooh! Nice, urlacher.
Nice, nice tackle.
All right,
settle down, Jonathan.
- That's my boy.
- Dad?
Oh, jeez.
I'm done with the laundry.
You finished the laundry?
Good girl.
But you didn't find
the blankie that you lost.
You know what? Maybe it's at
the bottom of the diaper pail.
Why don't you clean it,
honey?
Hey, Jim, what's, uh,
what's Kyle doing
up on the roof?
Oh, uh, partly looking
for the blankie
and partly puttin'
Santa and the reindeer up.
Good job. You gonna
have 'em do the lights?
Oh, come on, Andy.
That's not safe.
You know what, Jim?
I've been thinking about this
new workforce we have available.
I mean, Ruby's cooking is nice,
but her meat loaf won't fetch
the dead pigeon
out of my crawl space.
Well...
I'm hearing a man
who's looking to make a deal.
All right.
I'm reasonable.
I'll rent my kids.
What is the offer?
Mm. Now we're talkin'.
The kids work
whenever I need them,
and in exchange, I don't
rat you out to Cheryl.
Come on!
What kind of low,
dirty deal is that?
I make you an honest offer
of sl*ve labor,
and you try to extort me?
The way I see it,
I hold all the cards here.
Now tell Gracie
to get some matches.
I got a burnt-out
pilot light
that her tiny fingers
just might reach.
You know, I've got
some tiny fingers
that'll go right
through your nose.
Oh! Oh, you gonna
play some hardball?
Uh-huh.
Hey, honey, you're back.
Yeah, well, I got halfway
to my ex-boyfriend's house.
I started to feel guilty.
Come on.
- Spent the day at a spa, and it was just what I needed.
- Great.
Wow, the place looks great.
Doesn't it?
Oh, there are my babies.
Mm-hmm.
And do I smell dinner?
Yep.
Oh, it is so cute. Kyle's out
front making snow angels.
You know, Jim, you have got
to tell me your secret.
Well, uh, it's, uh...
Yeah, yeah, Jim, tell her.
I would, but, uh,
I'm drawing a blankie.
Will you knock it off?
I just want to wet my beak--
some laundry, some light dusting
and a casserole of my choosing.
No deal! Forget it!
All right,
what's going on?
Um...
Mm?
Your husband,
a man I've never liked...
Lost Jonathan's blankie...
And then blamed
the kids for it.
Oh.
He then found the blankie,
hid it and guilted the kids
into doing
all the work around here.
Jim...
That is genius.
What?
No. No.
Yes. Yes, it is.
No, no, it's--it's--it's evil.
Unh-unh.
It's only genius
if I get a piece.
You heard the girl!
It's genius. Get out.
Okay, come on.
Please, come on.
Out!
A casserole and a car wash.
Out!
A-a sandwich and a back rub.
Out!
A cr*cker and a back scratch!
A pleasant smile! Something!
Out!
Okay, wait, wait, wait, Jim.
Be reasonable.
I think Andy deserves
a pleasant smile.
Ow!
All right,
the babies are asleep.
Oh, great, great, great.
You didn't forget
the blankie, did ya?
'Cause if the kids find it,
we're screwed.
Mama don't make mistakes
like that.
You know, Jonathan spit up
on that earlier.
That's all right.
He spit up in here, too.
Shh, shh! They're coming. Get
the blankie. Get the blankie!
Oh!
Hide it. Hide it. Get in bed.
Get in bed. Get in bed.
Here you go.
Ah.
Ah, ah.
Thank you.
Oh, thanks, kids,
but for the record,
: means : .
Mm-hmm.
You know, the only thing
better than breakfast in bed
is lunch in bed.
You know, I wonder
if there's anything better
than lunch in bed.
Perhaps we'll find out at : .
Are you guys
ever going to get up?
I don't know, honey.
We're really tired.
Took us a long time to get your
brother to sleep last night.
Mm-hmm. You know,
without his blankie.
Remember, kids,
how you lost his blankie?
Well,
they're sleeping now.
Well,
sometimes they fall asleep
from fatigue
and sibling neglect.
Sorry. But I'm defrosting
some short ribs for dinner.
Oh, great! Oh, hey, listen,
um, there's a funny noise
in daddy's car.
Can you check
under the hood for me?
To fewer kids
and more servants.
Oh, look at you
workin' so hard.
What is this, an orphanage?
What a shame, especially when
it's completely unnecessary.
If you've got a point,
get to it, fatty.
We've got windows to do.
Look...
I have some information
you're gonna want.
But to get it, I need
a little light shoveling
and a pilot light relit
in a poorly ventilated closet
that may or may not
have spiders.
Deal.
You never lost the blankie.
Your dad had it in his pocket
the whole time.
Oh, my gosh.
Our parents are jerks.
I've never liked them.
What do we do?
Ooh, lucky for you,
you got one good uncle
with one spectacular plan.
What is it?
Oh, no, no, no.
We can talk while you clear
a possum nest out of my chimney.
Now move it.
Cheryl, the twins are
gonna be up in a minute.
Where's the blankie?
I'm gonna need it.
It's under your pillow.
Nope, not here.
Yeah, that's where I put it.
Well, it's not there now.
Check your bra.
It's not there.
Let me check.
Oh, Jim!
Here. It's here.
It's gotta be!
It's here! I know it is!
Looking for something?
Uh...
No, we're just, uh,
making the bed.
Which is really
a job for the kids.
Hop to it.
Come on.
I don't think so.
Those days are over.
What are you talkin' about?
Maybe this picture
will explain.
It's the blankie...
With today's newspaper!
Get yourselves cleaned up
and come downstairs.
We'll talk business
while you cook short ribs.
Andy's right.
Get the belt.
What kind of parents
lie to their children
and blackmail them
into doing all the housework?
It was her idea.
I love you all.
Me? I was just getting
a massage and a seaweed wrap.
Hey, who wants their next
birthday party at the spa?
Ooh! Me, me, me!
Kyle.
Hey, if you fell off the roof,
you'd want a massage, too.
L-let's cut to the chase.
What do you guys
want for the blankie?
I'm sure we can
work somethin' out.
We'll start with
no more cooking.
Or cleaning... or laundry.
And I really want
that spa birthday.
Deal. Deal. Where's the blankie?
Where's the blankie?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait. No, no, no, no deal yet.
What? What?
No, you can't negotiate
without seeing the blankie.
Jim, they're serious.
I am serious, too!
If we give in
to this right now,
then it's just gonna
open a panda's box.
They're gonna want tvs,
days off from school
and vaccinations.
I want to see the blankie!
I want to see
the blankie now!
Okay, okay,
everybody, be cool.
Give them what they want,
or I do this blankie right now.
That voice is familiar.
Yeah.
So is that double chin.
What can I do you for?
Andy, is this you?
You called me.
You know who it is.
Damn it!
He's probably got that blankie
across the street right now!
Ha ha!
You think you're so smart?
I'm not across the street.
Damn it!
Okay, okay, okay!
Hey, hey, look, look.
What, what, what?
We can still keep
the blankie for ourselves
just as long as the kids
and Cheryl don't find out.
I like where you're going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
The kids--they're idiots.
Cheryl's gonna be
the tough one to fool.
Oh, please.
I act dumb,
but she's the slow one.
We can see you!
Damn it!
All right, we admit
we may have taken things
a little too far lately.
Well,
I wanted to tone it down,
but your mother
kind of ran with it.
Anyway, the truth is,
we're now a family of seven,
and the only way
we're gonna survive
is by all pitching in together.
That's right,
and while maybe it wasn't right
for us to trick you
into doing things,
you know,
with mommy's sneaky plan...
Got to admit, you guys really
made a difference around here.
- It felt good to help out.
- Yeah.
Sure it did. You didn't have
to clean out a diaper pail.
And you didn't have
to get bit by a possum.
Okay, look, the point is,
is we are a family,
and we stick together.
And now daddy and I are
gonna spend a day relaxing.
Mm-hmm.
What? No fair.
Calm down.
I got you some help.
Your stupid johnnycakes
are ready.
Awesome!
Seriously,
we get our own servant?
Yes! Get the belt.
Here, take mine.
Aah! Aah!