Four, three, two, one...
Four, three, two, one...
Yeah!
Yeah! Yes!
- , the Bears win
the Super Bowl.
Man!
Do you think someday
we can watch the real Super Bowl
instead of this tape from ?
Well, I tell you, if they
had videotape in ,
we'd be watching the Cubs winning
the World Series right now.
So, a trip back to the ' NBA finals,
watch the Bulls play the Suns?
Hmm, did we win that one?
I don't recall.
Nor do I.
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, baby!
Women don't need
all these toilets.
Well, let's cut
a couple of them.
Hey, honey, can you keep
the th open?
It's Gracie's
career day at school.
Oh, not career day!
Can't you go and feed them that
line about how raising kids
is, you know,
a full-time job?
Oh, yeah. You know,
I would,
but that day, I'm sitting in the
hot tub all day eating bonbons.
When I did career day for Ruby last
year, all the kids just stared at me.
I mean, the only one that bombed
worse than me was an actuary.
I felt bad for his kid.
Honey, come on. You did it for
Ruby, you gotta do it for Gracie.
All right.
Well, you think I can become
an astronaut by the th?
Well, you could certainly
be rejected by the th.
(FARTS)
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
That's my boy!
Did you hear that pitch?
Did you hear that
tonal quality, huh?
You know, most kids couldn't
pull that off until they're six.
Yeah, honey, maybe we can get
him into the gifted program.
(FARTS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Wow. He's on a roll.
Hey, hey, hey. No, no.
Don't encourage him.
That's exactly
how it started with Jim.
Come on, Cheryl.
You know you want to laugh.
Come on. It doesn't matter if you're a
truck-stop hooker or the Queen of England.
Everybody agrees on one thing.
Farts, funny.
Yeah, Cheryl. Remember that whoopee
cushion we had when we were kids?
Big laughs.
Oh, yeah.
Andy, I shared a room with you.
It wasn't always the whoopee cushion.
Man, if I would've come up
with the whoopee cushion,
I'd be wearing
solid gold pants right now.
Yeah.
That would really test that
"gold doesn't tarnish" thing.
Hey, what if we came up with
a toy, you know, like a doll
that made that exact sound?
I think I'm sitting
on a brilliant idea.
Yeah. Like your other
brilliant ideas?
The self-folding pants?
Doughnuts filled with liquor?
Cheryl, that was a good idea.
Open up your mind, will you?
You know what? If Henry Ford's
wife had your kind of attitude,
we would've conceived Gracie
on the back of a horse.
You know, Jim, if you're
serious about this doll thing,
we should work up a prototype.
Prototype?
I don't know, it sounds like
a lot of time and work.
No. It'd be easy.
I'll do everything.
Oh, and I'll do the rest.
Hey, you know, this could work.
Can you imagine
if this thing took off?
Come on. Are you actually
gonna put time and money
into making a doll
that just passes gas?
What makes you think that's
the only thing it could do?
I mean, maybe it could speak.
You know, maybe it could
teach kids history.
Jim, that is crazy.
You're right.
It'll just fart and talk.
Hey, how about this?
"Call the gas company,
I think we have a leak."
Oh! Hey, how about, "Houston,
we're a-go for launch. Liftoff."
Dana, you're laughing
at this, too?
I'm sorry, but it's funny.
Oh, wait. Here, here, let me...
I got one. I got one.
Oh, excuse me.
What, it's funny.
It's like you're
not even trying.
Mommy.
Yeah?
Does Daddy have to come
to my career day?
Honey, don't be like that.
Daddy's a contractor.
It's a very interesting job.
You see, he gets
people together
and he shows them
how to make a building.
Does he get free ice cream?
No. Then I don't
want him to come.
Well... Well, he is coming.
And you better pretend
what he does is interesting.
Yeah, just like
your mommy does.
Your attention, please.
Not since Thomas Alva Edison
conquered the darkness
with his daring electric
lights in ...
Presenting, Gassy Gus.
Hey, I was gonna say that.
Yeah, like in three hours.
Okay. Go ahead,
squeeze it.
Here comes a wrecking ball.
(FARTS)
Am I the only sane one here?
Do you really think you're
gonna make money off that?
Yeah.
Do you have a permit for this?
(FARTS)
Isn't that funny?
You know what?
I know this guy who works with
investors who back new products,
and I could talk to him.
He might really go for this.
You see that? You see that?
Even your sister believes in me.
And she has no reason to 'cause
she knows I can't stand her.
Go on, Dana.
No, no, no, Dana.
Don't go on.
You're just throwing fuel
on the crackpot.
I know, I know. Most of the time
Jim talks and I just hear static,
but this time, I think you
might be onto something.
(FARTS)
That ain't the lunch whistle.
It's a universal language.
Now, if you'll turn to page in
your regional marketing report,
you'll see steady sales growth
in novelty toy profits
regardless of economic climate.
(ALL GROANING)
% of men and % of women...
What the hell
is she talking about?
She's k*lling us here.
I'm on it.
If you'll look at the
insert graph on . ...
Excuse me, Dana.
Not since Thomas Alva Edison...
Excuse me, folks. If I may...
Jim, what are you doing?
I am bringing seven
people out of a coma.
Folks, you know, you can't really put
the joy of farting onto a graph.
But you can squeeze it
into a tiny pair of overalls.
(FARTS)
Now, that's a skyscraper.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Thank you for your time.
(FARTS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
Sorry.
No, Mommy. Put your pinkie up.
You look like a truck driver.
Cheryl. Cheryl.
Cheryl. Cheryl.
Hi, Daddy.
We're having a tea party.
What kind of tea do you want?
Uh... Beer?
Cheryl, the investors loved it.
They just loved it.
When Gassy Gus let one rip,
it was like mixing
Christmas with chili.
It was great.
Oh, this is gonna be big.
And I intend to parlay it into
fast cars and cheap women.
Or cheap cars and fast women.
Either way, I'm good.
Wait, wait, wait. They actually
bought into the whole doll thing?
Well, not yet, but they will.
Okay, honey, you know what?
These investors probably
hear a thousand ideas a day
and I don't want you
to get your hopes up,
'cause you'll just be disappointed
if it doesn't happen.
Why can't you believe in me?
The man has a vision.
Yes, honey.
Well, I...
Some men look at a farting
doll and ask, "Why?"
I look at a farting doll
and ask,
"Why not?"
Hey, they loved it.
What?
Yes, they're in.
You're serious?
Yes. They're gonna invest.
They think it's gonna be
bigger than the singing bass.
Yes!
Sweet! Oh,
chicks love rich guys.
Now, I can finally afford
to let myself go.
I love this flatulent
little man.
I love you, too, buddy.
(CHANTING)
Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus...
To Gassy Gus, who will cost $
to make, but retail for $ . .
$ . in Canada.
To our foolish neighbors
to the north.
Okay, Dana. When are the
checks gonna start rolling in?
'Cause there's a couple
of guys I wanna make sure
I can afford to punch.
Well, first the investors
have to take their % cut.
% cut?
Mmm-hmm.
But we came up with the idea.
Yeah, but they're the ones
who are putting up the money.
Well, here's to the mime
in Grant Park, that gets
to live another day.
Hear, hear.
Hey, guys.
I made mini pizzas
for our little celebration.
Our celebration?
Yeah.
It was a dream.
We all worked hard,
and it became a reality.
Here's to us.
You know, honey, when you say
the words "we" and "us,"
it implies that you had something to
do with the success of this project.
Yeah, you said
it was never gonna happen.
Yeah, you told me not to waste
my time with these goofballs.
She said "goofballs."
Goofballs?
She called me goofball?
Guys, come on.
I was just playing
devil's advocate.
You know, like
a sounding board?
Every successful team
needs that.
Here's to us.
Look who's on board.
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
You know, Cheryl, I don't really
need you there at the podium
when they're swearing me in.
I need you in Iowa
and New Hampshire,
kissing babies
and shaking hands.
You know, I want my wife to
be first in line, not fifth.
Oh, Jim...
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Is it me or is this bandwagon
getting a little crowded?
Cheryl, you made your bed,
now lie in it.
I make all the beds!
It's true. She does.
She makes all the beds. Yeah. Yeah.
And it didn't matter
that the building was burning,
it was my job to go in there
and save those kittens.
Was it worth it?
You tell me.
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
That is so shameless.
Yeah. Really.
Can I play with the kitty?
Thank you, Monica's dad, for that
inspiring tale of selfless heroism.
Well, we've heard from a fireman, a
candy-maker and a real-life ballerina.
Let's see who's next.
Oh, how about Gracie's dad.
Oh!
Cheryl, it's like
following Sinatra.
Baby, come on, we're on.
You are a gift from God.
Yes, you are.
Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Ganzel.
You know, boys and girls,
anybody can run into
a burning building.
But did you ever stop to think
who built that
burning building?
Well, in some cases, it was me.
I am a general contractor.
It's my job to
execute building plans
and secure permits
from the city.
(CRICKET CHIRPING)
Randy, would you put the class
cricket in the hallway?
It's very distracting.
Honey. Honey,
show them the blueprints.
They're really blue.
Yeah, blueprints.
Let me get them out of my bag.
Danger. Blasting zone.
(FARTS)
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
You thought
that was funny, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, no. Honey, honey.
Not here.
You want to hear another one?
Yeah!
Yeah!
Let me knock this wall out.
(FARTS)
You see, this is Gassy Gus.
I made him.
I'm also an inventor.
ALL: Ooh!
You invented the fart?
I reinvented it.
Can we play with him, Daddy?
Sure, Gracie.
I could pass it around.
Unless you'd rather
play with the kitten.
No.
No.
We want the doll.
We want the doll.
Yes. Question from one of the
jealous parents in the back.
Yeah. You're responsible
for Gassy Gus?
And me. Here,
take this filthy animal.
I'm Andy.
Don't forget about me.
I won't. I won't.
You've been served.
This is a cease
and desist notice.
What?
I'm here
on behalf of Munco toys.
Gassy Gus is
a copyright infringement
on a line of novelty dolls
that they already make.
Wait. Some big company
already makes this thing?
But this is based on me.
I mean, it's my voice.
It's my sound that I make.
Yes. Well, fact remains that if you
continue to make or sell these,
you will be in violation of section
A of the Copyright Infringement Act
and subject to prosecution.
Hey, kids. I'm a process server.
That's my job.
Hey, Monica's dad.
Give me the cat.
Give me the cat.
All right.
Do you see this?
I got a cease and desist order here.
I knew I shouldn't have wasted
my time with you goofballs.
That's right. You heard me.
I said goofballs.
Hey, we got one, too.
They served us at school.
Yeah, I know.
I sent him there.
What?
What?
What?
Why would you do that?
Because it made me feel good.
Oh, that is so you...
All right. All right.
Don't panic here.
We're not gonna
take this lying down.
I'm gonna hire a lawyer.
Cheryl, Cheryl, that kid Emily.
Wasn't her father a lawyer?
Honey, I don't really think he's an option.
You flipped him off in the parking lot.
Hey, what about me, huh?
I was gonna buy a boat.
I had a great name picked out.
Boaty Call.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Come on. I thought I was
gonna get lucky on it.
Come on.
That's insane.
Stop it!
Come on. You guys, I don't even
know what you're mad about.
So you tried something
and it didn't work out.
I mean, it's not like I'm
gonna say, "I told you so."
Even though, you know, I did.
But, I mean, all you're out
is the cost of the prototype.
(SOBBING)
Andy.
You know who should be
crying are your investors.
(SOBBING)
Oh, my God.
I'm standing here with
the investors, aren't I?
Well, you know, I invested
some of our money.
Got nothing to hide.
How much?
You know, honey,
I'm not good with numbers.
How much?
Two thousand bucks.
What? I put in $ , .
I put in four.
Yeah, there's a lot of hidden
expenses, you know, in business,
like storage, office space,
courtside tickets for the Bulls.
Bulls tickets?
Man, this thing is the Enron
of fart companies.
How did you get all that stuff past me?
I'm the vice-president.
I thought
I was vice-president.
No, you're not.
You said I was vice-president.
Okay. Wait, wait.
I don't understand.
You had investors,
what happened to them?
Honey, they wanted %.
All I was doing was
eliminating the middleman.
I mean, think about it.
If the Beatles
had sold their own albums,
can you imagine
how rich they'd be?
Well, Jim, the Beatles...
All right, listen.
I just... I can't believe you would throw
our money away without telling me.
I did it for us.
I want a better life for our children.
I mean, look around.
Do you really want our kids to live
like this the rest of their lives?
You invested $ , , duped
these saps for seven more...
Hey!
Hey!
...and you got nothing
to show for it?
Well, I wouldn't say nothing.
(GASPS)
All these boxes are full
of Gassy Gus dolls?
Well, except for
that one there.
Those are workout clothes
for charity.
I mean, face it, that
fitness craze is over with.
How could you do this?
How could you take a risk like
this without bringing me in on it?
Why should I? You were just gonna
tell me it was a stupid idea, anyway.
No, honey. We would've
talked about it.
Yes, and then you would've
told me it was a stupid idea.
How do I know
what I would've said?
You didn't let me say anything.
Oh, come on. Just face it.
You didn't believe in me.
Well, was I wrong?
(SIGHS)
No.
No. You weren't wrong at all.
I blew it, okay?
I blew it.
I don't know what made me think I
could pull it off in the first place.
Oh!
GASSY GUS: Look out,
here comes the... (FARTING)
(DOLLS FARTING)
Now that's a skyscraper.
Look out, here comes
the lunch whistle.
Jimmy! Whoop...
Hey, why is there a cab
out in front?
Because "Cheryl" doesn't think
that I should "drive home."
Are you drunk?
No.
(EXCLAIMS)
Maybe a little.
Cheryl, what are you doing?
Where are the kids?
Oh, Andy took them for ice
skating or ice cream.
Ice fishing?
Ice something.
(STAMMERING)
What are you doing?
I am making the doughnuts
of your dreams.
Doughnuts filled with liquor?
This one is whiskey
with rainbow sprinkles.
I call this one ginamon.
Smooth.
Cheryl, why are you doing this?
Because it is a brilliant idea.
And I support you.
This time, I am first in line.
No more nay-saying.
I say nay to nay.
And another thing...
No! Let me finish!
I didn't say anything.
That's okay. I'm done.
Cheryl, I really...
I don't want to pooh-pooh your ideas.
(LAUGHS)
Pooh-pooh.
Because you,
you are a great husband.
And I love you.
And whether your ideas
are good or stupid,
I want to be there for you.
You really mean that or...
Yes.
Or is that
the doughnuts talking?
No, no, no.
No. I am gonna be
your biggest cheerleader.
Rah, rah, rah.
Give me a J, give me
an I, give me a...
Bucket.
(GROANS) It's awful.
Being a mom might not seem
like a full-time job,
but it's actually like being
the head of a small company.
"You have to manage a budget,
"organize your resources.
"vacuum,"
and always have lots of freshly-baked
chocolate chip cookies.
KIDS: Yay!
That is shameless.
Tell me about it.