Cheryl...
Yeah?
Uh...
I think, uh,
k-kyle needs you.
Oh. Oh, oh, honey!
What he needs is
to be changed.
I know,
but you do it so well.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, all right.
All right. All right.
But you need to help ruby
with her valentines, okay?
Okay. Bye, stinky.
Don't eat all
the candy hearts.
Mommy said
don't eat them.
Mommy said
don't eat all of them.
See? Listening is important.
What's this one here?
Oh, yeah!
Two turtles kissing.
"Shell you be mine?"
[Chuckles]
that's clever.
Who's brad?
[Sarcastically]
her boyfriend.
Shut up!
Give me that.
"P.s. My dad is
the boogeyman,
And he knows
where you live."
Oh...
"Yippety-dippety-do."
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Hey! What are
you guys doing?
We're mooses,
and daddy's a bear.
Is he chasing you?
No, he's hibernating
in his chair.
I see.
Springtime!
Arrr!
They're gone.
Ohh.
Playing with these kids
just wears you out.
I think I need a nap.
Hey!
So I've been thinking
about valentine's day.
Oh, valentine's day.
Come on, honey, that is such
a racket created by women...
Like salads,
Deodorant,
Cuddling.
Are you done?
Yeah.
So, I was thinking--
Maybe this year we
should just stay in,
Order a pizza, and watch
a movie in our sweats.
I have never been more
in love with you
Than I am right now.
Good. What did you
get me?
Oh, I got you something
really good.
It's gonna be hard to top
last year's smart mop.
This is true.
Well, I won't be needing
that blouse for valentine's day.
Richard flaked on me.
Shut up, jim!
Okay. I'll just save it
for the next guy.
What happened?
Everything was going
great, you know,
But now that
valentine's day
is coming up,
I can't even get him
on the phone.
Oh, well, dana, you know
what that's about.
Cheryl, if I may?
Take it away, professor.
When did you
start dating him?
Right after new year's.
Okay. There's
your problem right there.
You see, christmas is
the commitment cutoff.
If you were dating him
before christmas,
Valentine's day
is a lock.
After christmas,
he has no legal obligation.
Also, you talk too much.
Okay, this bear
is hitting the woods.
Hey, dana, come here.
I still don't know
what I wanna get jim
For valentine's day.
Do you have any idea?
Have you not been
listening to me?
I'm gonna be alone,
for god's sake.
Honey, we already know
your valentine's day's ruined.
Can we focus on me?
Okay. Let's see--
what doesn't jim have?
Oh, I know! How about
opposable thumbs?
Dana!
You know, sometimes I think
you forget he's my husband.
[Sighs]
And that was very funny.
Very funny.
Oh, I know--
You know,
a friend of mine
Did something
for her husband
on his birthday.
It was very romantic
and sexy and--
Oh, never mind.
You'd never do it.
What?
No, you'd never do it.
Tell me!
Well, she got someone
to take these...
Boudoir photos.
[Squeals]
I would never do that!
I know, because
you're not fun.
That is a lousy thing
to say.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I-i thought you knew.
I-i-i happen to be
a lot of fun.
The other moms
in my cupcake class
Call me "gregarious."
Cupcake class?
Oh, cheryl,
I've so lost you.
You know, you know what?
I-i-i could be
the kind of person
Who would take
a sexy boudoir ph--
Was she naked?
No, no, no, no, no.
No, it was tasteful
lingerie.
It was soft focus,
very classy.
You know,
that might be fun.
I am gonna consider that.
Let me know when
you're done considering it,
'Cause we both know
there's a "no" coming.
For your information,
there is a "yes" coming.
Yes! You see?
There it is!
'Cause I am a nut.
I don't believe you.
Well, do you believe this?
Well, we have a couple
days to work on it.
All right. In a red bag
and everything.
Happy valentine's day.
Ohh!
[Gasps]
Oh, an emergency
roadside kit! Honey!
You like it?
I love it!
Look what I got
in here for you.
Wow!
It's got a flashlight here.
No way!
Yeah, you got
three emergency flares.
Wow.
And look--a little
crackers-and-cheese pack
In case you get stuck
in a ravine.
Oh, that's great.
Actually,
let me take those now.
I'll replace it later.
Okay. My turn! My turn!
My turn! My turn!
Cheryl, calm down!
There's only three crackers.
No! No, honey!
My present!
You ready?
Okay, open it! Open it!
Open it! Open it!
Well, it's not
a home-entertainment center.
Oh, I can't wait
for you to see it!
[Chuckles]
You are too much, baby.
Hah!
[Gasps]
Well?
Oh!
[Laughing] wow!
You are amazing!
You know,
you could go pro!
I mean as a model!
Oh! Do you like it?
Like it?!
I wanna marry it!
But I did!
I can't take my eyes
off it!
Well...
Maybe you can take
your eyes off of it
For this.
Mmm.
[Blues music plays]
Yeah! [Laughs]
You were on fire, man!
That was great!
You see what happens
when you play on
the black keys?
Yeah, man.
What got into you?
A little muse
by the name of kelly.
Ahh!
Ahh!
Ahh!
Yeah, I met her
on valentine's day.
Now, I don't like
to kiss and tell,
But let's just say
I kissed her...
And now I'm telling!
I will tell all!
So, what happened, huh?
I kissed her.
That's it.
Good story.
Hey, you know,
I gotta say,
This was my first
valentine's day
Without the ex-wife.
I thought I'd be
very sad, you know,
But I went out with
this chick from work,
had a great time.
I didn't miss the ex-wife
at all.
Good for you!
How about you, joe?
What did you do?
Went out with your ex-wife.
She doesn't miss you,
either, man.
Jim, you're kinda quiet.
What did you and cheryl do?
I'll tell you what they did.
They sat around on the couch
in ratty old sweatshirts
Covered in pizza sauce
and baby spit-up.
That's what they did.
We all gotta know--
Did you fall asleep
in the bathtub or the couch?
Ha! Heh heh heh heh.
What?
Ah, hah!
Hee hee hee.
All right. All right.
You wanna see
what years brings?
I'll show you what
years brings.
Look at that.
Wait.
Oh, was that cheryl?
Well, yes, it was!
Who did you think
it was?
Oh, come on.
That could've
been anybody.
All right,
all right, all right!
Take a long, long look
at that, boys.
Looky there.
That's my wife's face.
That's my wife's body.
And that parasol?
I think they gave
that to her.
Beautiful, huh?
Stop looking at that!
That's my sister!
Hey, give me that!
Give me that!
What are you doing?
Give me that back.
Hey!
What's going on?
Uh, just a little, uh,
band wrestling, you know.
I win!
Give me that!
Um...
Uh...
Okay, you're busy.
Get in here!
I can't believe
you showed this to them!
This was only for you!
Oh, okay.
Well, now I know.
No, no, no.
You don't know.
Y-y-you never know.
You are clueless!
So we're cool, right?
Right?
You're an idiot.
Cheryl, cheryl,
you don't understand.
The guys,
they were all bragging
About how hot their
valentine's day was,
And how we were
a boring couple,
And I took umbrage
with it.
You used it right.
Thank you.
Trust me. I was
defending your honor.
By showing half-naked pictures
of me in the garage?
Yes, and it worked
perfectly!
You were showing off!
So what? You show off
all the time!
You brag about it, you
know, to your friends
When I get a big contract
Or you tell the neighbors
how good I am in bed.
I'm not telling them that.
Somebody is.
Jim, jim, look at me.
See these?
Yes.
These are my "divorce eyes."
You have no right
to objectify me
So you can look like a big man
in front of your friends.
Cheryl, I think you
are overreacting.
Overreacting is painting
the front door black
because the cubs lost.
They are gonna win
the world series!
Jim, all I'm asking
Is that you never show
that picture to anyone again.
Okay.
I will never show
that picture to
anyone ever again.
Okay?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where did you get
a wallet-sized photo, anyway?
Oh, kinko's!
What?!
Those guys
don't even know you!
Are there any more?
Just this coffee mug.
"Like it hot?"
Yeah. The cashier
came up with that.
It's cute.
Cheryl!
It was a woman!
[Mug shatters]
Well, I'm keeping
the key chain.
Kyle finally went down.
Good.
So, what did you
end up doing for
valentine's day?
I went to morton's
alone.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, don't be.
My waiter was
drop-dead gorgeous.
We really clicked.
We went out afterwards
and talked for,
like, two hours.
And then, at the end
of the night,
He gave me
a single red rose.
It was one of the most romantic
valentine's days I've ever had.
Honey, I'm so happy
for you.
When are you gonna
see him again?
[Scoffs]
cheryl, he's a waiter.
[Doorbell rings]
Oh, my god!
I have the same shoes
as gwyneth paltrow!
Yeah, turn the page.
Janet reno has them, too.
Hey, kenny.
Hey, cheryl.
I just wanted
to drop off this
camisole for jim.
What?
Huh?
You said "camisole."
I said "blueprint."
Oh, all right.
I'll give these to him.
Okay.
What?
Why are you
looking at me like that?
What?
You saw that picture
of me, didn't you?
No.
Look, I'm totally late.
Love you--i mean, bye.
What was with him?
I have a pretty
good idea.
Daddy, do you have
any fives?
Uh...go fish.
I just gave you
two fives, daddy.
Oh, fives!
Yeah, I got fives.
Girls, can you go upstairs?
But we're playing
with daddy.
Look, I'm not saying
there's a pony in your room...
But I'm not saying
there isn't.
A pony!
A pony!
Yay!
Yay!
That's a good one
with the pony.
Kenny from work
was just here.
That's weird. He's been
dead for two years.
The other kenny.
Oh, good, 'cause
the dead kenny--
I owe him money.
Ohhh!
I told him he could
bring these by monday.
Yeah, you know,
he's so sweet.
I guess he made a special trip
so he could, you know,
Gawk at me!
What?
Well, apparently,
in spite of our conversation,
You've been showing my picture
to the guys at work.
Cheryl, I did not
show that picture
to anybody else.
I do not believe you.
You know, I've been
waiting for this day--
The day that I can
actually, truthfully
Deny doing what you're
mad at me about.
I did not show anybody
else that picture.
Wow. Honesty.
That feels...
Same.
Same.
All right.
I guess I believe you.
You guess?
Well, he had to see
that picture somewhere.
[Scat-singing]
Milady.
[Scat-singing]
Aaaaah!
Hey, pervert. Keep
your eyes in your pants.
You know what I mean.
I told you--you can't
block my window.
Now, take your coat
and get out of here.
That scantily clad woman
with the parasol is my sister.
[Laughs]
yeah, right.
All right,
all right.
Let me see.
Let me see.
You must be the owner
of this smut shop, huh?
Yes, and it's
a photography studio.
That is my half-naked wife
hanging in your window
Next to a dalmatian
train conductor.
Oh, my god.
That's adorable!
How'd I miss that?
Cheryl! Cheryl!
Hi, cheryl.
Hey, michelle.
Did you park
in front of a meter?
Don't worry, honey.
I put your paper
bag over it.
Oh. That--
that's really...big.
Yeah, well,
you don't have to
worry about it, honey,
Because it's coming
down right now.
Really? I've gotten
many compliments
on it.
It's been great
for business.
Really?
That is bull.
Don't listen to her,
honey.
You remember that time
we were in that barbecue
restaurant
And they took a snapshot
of me eating ribs
And then they put it up
in the window?
Two weeks--bam!
The place closed.
Well, jim, it looked like
you were eating a person.
It was embarrassing.
That thing
is coming down.
That is coming down.
Well, wait--
wait a minute!
Are you saying that
people liked the picture?
Yeah, when I tell the moms
you have three kids,
They sign right on.
So, michelle, you're telling me
that I'm, like,
A poster girl
for soccer moms?
Okay, that's it.
You stand here
with your brother.
I'll handle this.
All right, I'm done
with the charm, okay?
You--you,
keep moving, keep moving.
I'm the husband.
I am the boss.
That photograph
comes down.
All right,
I don't wanna
cause any trouble.
Michelle,
leave it up.
What?
You heard her.
I'm a role model.
Cheryl, michael jordan
is a role model.
And you don't see him
running around
in his underpants.
Actually, he does do
those commercials.
Are you a guy?
Yeah.
[Clenched teeth]
then help me here!
Cheryl, come on.
Talk with me here
for a minute, okay?
You can't leave
that half-naked photo
of you
Hanging in this window
in broad daylight
For all this town
to see,
In front of these
kooks and creeps--
Look at that creep
right there!
Look at him.
He's staring!
He's drooling!
Cheryl, please!
You're k*lling me here.
Come on!
You can't do this!
It's just wrong, honey,
and there's a million
reasons.
For example, like, um...
Like, first of all...
Like...
Privacy?
Privacy is an issue,
yes, and, um, um...
Intimacy?
There you have it.
Intimacy.
And...
And?
And you probably shouldn't
have shown that picture
to the guys
Because it's really private
between a husband and wife.
Right, right.
And I know those are
hard words to hear,
honey,
But they needed
to be said.
Yeah, well, you were
kinda rough with me.
Cheryl, come on!
You're k*lling me.
I am serious.
Lookit, I didn't even
go down on my knee
When I proposed to you.
No, no, you certainly
didn't kneel in gum.
Ah! Damn!
Cheryl, I am really
serious here.
I'm begging you to take
this photograph down.
If you don't...
I'm gonna park myself
Right in front of
this photo shop
Hours a day,
days a week.
And then you know
what's gonna happen?
I'm gonna lose my job.
And then you know what?
It's gonna be
a public embarrassment
For you and
the children.
And then when
someone asks you
who your husband is,
You know what you're
gonna have to say?
"Oh, he's the stinky
guy living in front
of the photo shop."
"You know, the cute
one with the gum
on his knee."
Come on, baby.
Please.
All right. Michelle,
take it down.
Ohhh, cheryl.
Oh, thank god.
Thank you,
michelle.
How much is that doggy
in the window?
$ .
Oooh, you saw me coming!
Thank you, baby.
You really scared me.
That's not fair.
Oh, it's so fair.
All over this photo.
Hello, everybody!
Hey, wait!
Nobody's gonna see it.
Whoa!
Man!
Hey, you know what?
I think we made off
with a free frame.
Sweetheart...
I want you
to close your eyes.
Okay.
Okay. You can open them.
I know you really love
that emergency road kit
I gave you--
Ohhh.
And by the way,
I'm gonna replace
the crackers--
But after you gave me
such an amazing gift,
I just felt I needed to do
something more.
Ohh.
So I got you this.
You can show this
to anybody you want.