Daddy,
is that
bullwinkle?
[ Mumbles ]
How do they blow up
those big balloons?
[ Mumbles ]
Cheryl: jim?
[ Mumbles ]
Would you come taste
this pie filling for me?
Ow!
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Wow.
Fantasy number --
I can cross that off my list.
You want to know
my fantasy?
Mm-hmm.
You putting those
groceries away.
Oh, I'll put them away as soon
as you make them into a meal.
All right. I hope
I got everything here.
Oh, honey.
Cinnamon sticks.
I specifically said
"ground cinnamon."
Well, grind them up.
You can't just grind
it up.
You clearly have no idea
how cinnamon works.
Please don't tell
the fellas.
Hey, kyle!
Your first thanksgiving.
All kinds of new foods
you can throw up.
Happy thanksgiving, all!
Oh, andy, thank you.
Wow, look at this!
Marshmallows,
graham crackers.
I'm gonna make
a turkey s'more.
And you wonder why
your pants don't fit.
That's because you leave them
in the dryer way too long.
Right.
Mommy, look
at my hand turkey!
Wow, that is the turkey-est
hand I've ever seen.
Daddy, you
and uncle andy
are twins.
Yeah, what's with
the bowling shirts?
Well, uh...
I don't know.
It's just fun.
It's a fun thing.
Jim?
Yes, cheryl?
Are you and andy
going bowling?
Yes, we are, cheryl.
We're gonna recreate
the first thanksgiving...
Where the -- the indians
And the pilgrims
bowled together.
You know, honey,
i-i need you here.
I-i need you to carve
the turkey and --
And we're gonna do our photo
for the christmas card.
And you know what?
It is kyle's first thanksgiving.
I know, honey,
But this is
a toys-for-tots
charity thing.
It's a bowl-a-thon
and I gotta go.
I gotta go.
I just gotta go.
You don't even have a toy.
You're never too young
to learn about giving.
And you know what,
cheryl?
Besides that, you should be
thankful that we're going.
I mean, you know, you gotta
focus on your cooking.
You don't need
all this distraction.
You know, last year
the turkey was a little dry.
Oh, thank you, honey.
You know, you're right
about those distractions.
Girls, you wanna go bowling
with daddy and uncle andy?!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yay!
That turkey better be moist.
See you later, buddy.
Come here, gracie.
Now, I got four
out of a possible ten,
So I put down "four."
You only got four?
Yeah. Four's not bad.
Actually,
four's pretty good.
Are you gonna cry, baby?
Are ya?
Hey!
Gracie,
Never talk to your
aunt andy like that.
Uncle andy. Uncle andy.
Go ahead, honey.
All right.
Everybody happy?
Here,
gracie. Gracie. Gracie.
Come here, sweetheart.
Let me help you, here.
Here, now, just pick it up.
That's it.
Spread your legs a little bit.
Look way down there.
That's what you want to hit.
Okay, then all you do
is you just...
Let it go!
That four's lookin' pretty good
right now, isn't it?
Andy!
Gracie?
Gracie, look at the puppy!
Oh, ran away.
Five!
Aah!
Five.
Game's not over,
princess.
Okay, everybody happy?
All right, I'm gonna go
to that little dark room
over there
And watch some tv with
some very sad irish guys.
Daddy, watch me.
Okay, honey.
[ Pins fall ]
Hey!
Hey, that was great!
That was just great, ruby!
It's your turn, daddy.
Me?
All right, all right,
I can bowl one.
Oh.
Good luck, daddy.
A good-luck kiss.
Thank you, baby.
Hey! A strike!
A strike!
Hey, how about that, huh?
Who's your daddy?!
You are.
[ Door opens ]
Happy thanksgiving!
Hey.
I made cranberry tarts,
cream-cheese brownies,
And a pumpkin nut loaf
With enough walnuts
to make jim itchy,
But not enough
to k*ll him.
Wow. You must have been
baking all night.
Yeah.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
It's just that I'm gonna
die shriveled and alone.
Try the brownies.
What did I tell you
last holiday season
when you were like this?
Oh, some crap about how
I'm smart and beautiful
And any guy would be
lucky to have me,
blah blah blah.
Where's the wine?
[ Doorbell rings ]
You know, dana, it's not easy
to find the right guy.
You have to think of it
like a marathon.
You know, it starts off
with thousands
And then ends up with just
a few good ones out front.
The point is,
you gotta keep running
and you'll win the race.
Or hit the wall
and crap yourself.
Chris, tony, hi.
Uh, jim's not here.
He took the girls bowling.
So...bye.
I'm gonna...
Close the door now.
I guess jim
didn't tell you --
He invited us
for thanksgiving.
Yeah.
Oh.
Isn't carol with you?
No, carol, uh, left me
a couple months ago.
Oh.
Yeah,
you know, it's been --
it's been pretty rough.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, dana!
Hi.
So, uh, would you guys
like, uh --
Yeah, sure.
Yes.
So you like comic books?
Okay, five strikes in a row!
I'm on fire!
Daddy!
Daddy!
Not really, girls.
Not really.
Five strikes
equals points.
How many do you have,
uncle andy?
Shh! Quiet.
Your father's
bowling.
Remember, folks, everything's
gotta be exactly the way it was
Before each ball.
Okay?
Ruby, my good-luck kiss?
Good luck, daddy.
Thank you, baby.
Okay.
Something isn't right.
Gracie, were you drinking
that soda before?
No.
Throw it out.
Aw!
That's too bad.
What a shame.
It looked
very refreshing.
Andy!
Eat the hot dog.
Aw!
Jim, I'm full.
I've already eaten four.
Eat it!
[ Blowing ]
Okay.
[ Pins falling ]
yes!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Okay, who's your daddy?
You are.
Look here, jim.
The word on the lane, baby,
Is that you are halfway
to a perfect game.
That's right.
That's right, louis.
Hey, well, good luck, jim.
It's been a long while
Since we added somebody
to the wall of fame.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Yeah, baby, and to do it
on thanksgiving
would be special.
Yes, it would.
I really haven't had much
of a thanksgiving
Since the missis died.
Do you know that when
I was going to the --
Louis, louis, louis?
Huh?
I'm trying to bowl here.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, man.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Okay.
She'll still be dead
tomorrow.
Ruby!
Come on.
Good luck, daddy.
Thank you, honey.
[ Exhales sharply ]
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
One more,
and your dad
gets --
A perfect game.
One more.
One more.
Uh, god, hi,
it's -- it's me, jim.
I really, really, really
want this strike.
I promise I won't ask
for anything again.
And, by the way, uh,
Thanks for all the great
creations that you've made...
Like, uh...
Bacon...
Pork chops...
You know, the pig in general
is really great.
Amen.
[ Electricity
crackles and dies ]
Louis: wow.
The power's off.
Tournament's over.
What about my game?!
Oh, yeah. .
Nice effort, jim.
Wow. So that's how
spider-man got his powers.
Uh-huh.
Bitten by
a radioactive
spider.
What bit wonder woman?
I heard it was iron man,
but I think that's just
an ugly rumor.
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!
Dana, could -- could
I see you in here?
I'm having a-a crisis
with the, um, uh, plates.
Coming, mom.
Wonder woman will return.
Dana, what are you doing?
What? I'm entertaining
the guests.
I don't want to be rude.
Chris is so cute!
Oh, god. Dana, you have
met chris a hundred times.
You always make fun of him,
But suddenly holiday season
Plus glass and a half
of wine equals
"Chris is so cute!"
You just don't
understand chris
the way I do.
We're simple folk.
Well, I wonder if you'll
see chris the same way
When you take off your
chardonnay goggles.
Fine. No more wine,
But you can fix
the plates yourself.
And you know what else?
No more wine.
Now,
if you'll excuse me...
Dana, you know, this is
kind of a special day.
I just really don't want
anything to ruin it.
Ohh.
Hey! Oh, good.
There you are.
You know, I was
just gonna call.
Dinner's ready.
Where's ruby?
With jim for --
for good luck.
Good luck for what?
Funny story.
Jim, you know,
it's thanksgiving.
The whole family's here.
Please come home.
Cheryl, I can't.
But, honey, andy said
that the power's out
and it's hopeless.
Honey, I am one strike away
from a perfect game
And the league says
if I leave, it's over.
Did you know that chris
and tony are here?
[ Glass breaks ]
sorry.
Careful, everybody.
Broken glass.
And, honey, you know, it is
kyle's first thanksgiving.
Doesn't that matter to you?
Come on, honey,
he's just a baby.
He doesn't
even know who I am.
But -- but what about
the family photo
And that stupid
pilgrim story
with the pie fight?
You know, honey,
who's gonna
carve the turkey?
Cheryl, I don't expect
you to understand this,
But I just need to do
this one thing.
Bring my ruby home!
One more thing --
ruby can't leave.
What?
She's gotta kiss me
before I bowl.
It's a good-luck thing.
But she's missing
thanksgiving dinner.
Daddy, my hand's stuck
in the candy machine!
Honey, nobody
likes a quitter!
Okay.
Cheryl, I gotta go. Bye.
[ Beep ]
Did you get anything?!
Jim?!
Oh, great.
Jim's not coming,
And my daughter's
eating candy
for thanksgiving.
Andy: you hear that?
Ruby's eating candy.
[ Cries ]
No. Don't --
don't cry. I'm sorry.
No, don't -- don't cry.
Andy!
What did you do?
She misses her dad.
Why would you even
tell me a joke
like that?
Well, I thought we
were getting closer.
How old are you?
What happened to
the great sense of humor
You had about
an hour ago?
I peed it out!
Gracie: aah!
Andy: gracie, sweetie.
[ Glass breaks ]
Sorry.
Careful, everybody.
Broken glass.
That's it.
[ Gracie shrieking ]
Cheryl, I'm not
coming home.
I'm right in
my mojo zone.
Don't worry. I'm just
here to get ruby.
And, you know, I don't want
to hear about your zone
Or your mojo.
And by the way, I hate it
when you use the word "mojo."
Well, you know what?
I don't like some
of the words you use.
Like, I hate it when you
call a pickle a gherkin.
A gherkin is
a very special pickle.
Cheryl, can you please
just be mad at me
For one thing at a time?
Okay.
Sit down.
Cheryl, did you ever
do anything perfect?
I married you.
I'm kidding.
All right, look.
There's nothing special
about me, okay?
I mean,
I was never the captain
of a football team,
I wasn't the kid who got
straight as at school.
I mean, I even remember
this one time
In mrs. Pearson's
math class,
There was this --
this boy
Who got
on every test.
Perfect.
, Cheryl.
And I used to look
at that test,
That ,
And I would think
to myself,
"Boy, I wish
I was that kid."
I mean, I didn't
want to be chinese,
But -- but do you kinda
get where I'm going
here, honey?
I'm listening.
I'm a very lucky person,
But I was
an average kid,
Grew up to be
an average man.
But, cheryl,
today...
I got a shot!
I got a shot here.
I mean, i-i-i feel
like a kid who
suddenly --
Suddenly has a chance
To pitch in the world
series or --
Or to go to the moon
or to be king
of the united states.
We have presidents, jim.
I know.
I want to be king!
Cheryl, do you realize
a in bowling
is a perfect score?
Perfect, cheryl.
And all they can do
is tie me.
They can never beat me.
I...
I-i think you should
take ruby home.
[ Sighs ]
So, all this is to get
your picture on the wall
With fat guys?
I'm gonna make it .
I only had two beers,
officer!
Louis.
All right.
I came into your office here
to take a little nap.
Man, what time is it?
Hey, what's up with
the power thing?
The white man
still has it.
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
You mean the system?
No, my system's
still fried, man.
Ain't nothin' happening
tonight, jim.
[ Sighs ] all right.
I'm going.
What, you're giving up?
Yeah, I got a wife and family
waiting for me at home.
And I got a beautiful wife
waiting for me up in heaven.
We're both lucky then, huh?
You know, louis, I was
this close to being perfect.
Yes, you were.
Okay.
Cheryl?
Hey.
I thought kyle should spend
his first thanksgiving
Watching his father
bowl a perfect game.
Thanks.
Do it up, jim.
Good luck, daddy.
Good luck, big jim.
Mmm. Smells delicious.
I haven't had a thanksgiving
dinner since -- since --
Oh, I'm -- I'm sorry.
What's wrong with louis?
Beats me.
Good luck, daddy.
Thank you.
Ha ha.
Good luck, daddy.
Thank you, baby.
Good luck, daddy.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yes, baby!
Who's your daddy?!
You are!
All right, champ,
I'm gonna take your picture
for the wall of fame
With my dead wife's camera!
Yes!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, come on.
Everybody.
Everybody, come here.
Hey, tony, grab me that leg,
would you?
There you are, kyle,
on your first thanksgiving!
Cheese!
Honey, I can't believe
you did this.
Ohh.
I mean, the candles,
the dinner.
You're just, like,
the greatest wife ever.
Wait. Good-luck kiss.
Ohh.
Go get 'em.
Okay.
Fire!