07x27 - Howard, the Comedian

[bunniefuu]

- I'm home!
- Oh, Andy?

Andy, guess what?

What? The lewises are
moving to Raleigh.

Oh, yeah, I heard.
That means Clara won't be having

little Douglas anymore

and that gives
her two hours open,

and I think it'd
be wonderful

if Opie started to
take piano lessons.

What?
Well, you see,

the lewises are
moving to Raleigh...

No, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

If, if you're talking
about my forcing the boy

to take piano
lessons, no.

Well, who says you'd
you'd be forcing him?

He's an average boy,
isn't he?

Well, it just so happens
lots of boys like to play piano.

Maybe one out of ten,
but most are too busy fishing

and playing football
and fooling around

to worry about piano lessons,
and I'm not spending

the next five years
forcing him to practice.

Fine father.

What's it got to do with whether
I'm a good father or not?

I just know when I'm well-off.

Andy, do you realize
what an asset

that would be for him
at social functions?

Oh, come on.

That's always
the argument...

If you play the piano,
you'll be popular.

When I was a boy,
the most popular kid

was Harvey Belfast, and he
didn't know the difference

between "let's have
another cup of coffee"

and "tea for two."

All right, let's drop it.
Yeah, let's drop it.

Heaven forbid that
a little culture

might creep
into this house.

I thought we were going
to drop it.

I think the least
we should do

is ask Opie if
he's interested.

Okay, I'll ask him.
Opie?

And I think you should
give him the opportunity

to make his
own decision.

Right.

Yes, paw?

You don't want to take
piano lessons, do you?

What?!

Piano lessons, Opie.

Your father's asking you
if you wouldn't enjoy

exploring the wondrous
world of music

with Clara Edwards.

Piano lessons? Gee, yeah.

I been wanting to learn to play
for a long time.

You're kidding.

I didn't know whether
to say anything

about it or not, but some
of the kids are taking lessons

and I want
to learn, too.

Well, you'd have to practice
and everything.

Well, sure, paw,
you got to practice.

Clara Edwards can
take you right away.

Two lessons a week.

Great.

You sound like
you're serious about this.

I am serious, paw.

Piano lessons cost
a lot of money.

Oh, Andy, Clara's -lesson cost
is very reasonable.

You're going to have to give up
all your other activities

and stay
right at that piano.

I don't care.

You promise I won't have

to stay after you
to practice?

I promise.

I give up.

You know, paw,
I can play something already.

You know, Andy, we may have
another liberace here.

Oh, very nice,
now let me see your hands.

I scrubbed them real good,
aunt bee.

Now, clean hands are the first
requirement of the piano player.

I know.
Did you use that file I gave you?

Yes, ma'am.
Oh, Opie, they're not very clean.

Well, a lot of that stuff
is locked in.

Hello, miss Edwards.
Opie.

Hello, Clara.
Bee.

I think you've got
a very enthusiastic pupil.

Oh, well, I'm very
happy to hear that,

because it's only
by dedicating

ourselves completely
that we can hope

to achieve a degree
of excellence.

Did you understand
what miss Edwards said, Opie?

Yes, ma'am.

And I, who have devoted
my life to music,

can attest to the rewards.

Did you understand that,
too, Opie?

Yes, ma'am.
Well, good.

I'll leave you two alone.

Oh, Clara, his nails'll be
a little cleaner next time.

Now, as I understand it, Opie,

you have never
really played before.

No, ma'am.

Good. I much prefer
working with raw Clay.

What?

Oh, nothing. Now...

We're going to spend
the first lesson

learning the notes

and the proper
method of playing.

Now, that is the heart
of the piano... middle "c."

Then, of course, we
have "d-e-f-g-a-b-c."

Now, remember, Opie,
when you attack the notes,

you do not strike them

with the flat part
of your fingers.

You strike them with
the ends of your fingers.

See? Now, try it again.

Mmm. That's
approximately right.

It's hard.

Well, it'll come easier

once you've got your
fingers limbered up.

Now, that's important.

Get them limber...

And stretch them,
stretch them.

Limber, limber,
stretch, stretch...

Oh, well, I guess
our time is up.

Well, how did he do?

Well, very nicely,
I'm happy to say.

Now, Opie, I want
you to practice

another hour today,
and between lessons,

I expect
my beginning students

to practice
two hours a day.

Yes, ma'am.

I think right after school
would be best, Opie.

: to : ?

Sure.

Uh, bee, your piano
could use some tuning.

Oh, yes, Clara.

Well, I'll find out

when Mr. Higby's
going through Mayberry.

Now, I'll see you
day after tomorrow, Opie,

and remember...

Limber, limber,
stretch, stretch.

Well, bye-bye.

Bye, Clara.

Well.

Limber, limber,
stretch, stretch...

Hi, fellas.

Hi, Tom.

Hey, does
anybody know

why we're supposed
to meet here?

All I know is
that Mr. Jackson said

we're supposed
to wait for him here

in the playground.

Here he
comes now.

Hi, boys.

Okay, now let me have
your attention.

Let me have your attention.

Now, you may
or may not recognize

the gentleman
with me here,

but I'm sure his name
is familiar to all of you.

Mr. Flip Conroy.

Flip Conroy?!

Of the New York giants?!

That's right,
flip Conroy.

I don't want
to embarrass flip,

but you are probably looking

at one of the greatest pro
football players of all time.

I wouldn't go that
far, but hi, fellas.

Hi, flip!

All right,
all right, boys.

Now, let me
tell you why...

Boys, now, let me tell you
why he's here.

Let me tell you
why he's here.

After four years of college
and ten years with the giants,

flip has come
back to Mayberry

to work
in his father's business,

and he has also said
that he is willing

to devote some of his time

to helping you boys build
a top-notch football team.

Flip?

Well, it looks
like we got

some pretty good
material here.

We're going to
have a lot of fun,

but we're going to
work hard at it, too.

I understand you boys
have been playing football.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, it's going to mean a lot
of practice for all of us...

At least two hours
every afternoon

if we want a good team.

Now, how does that
sit with everybody?

Fine!

All right,
who's your quarterback?

Opie Taylor.

He's our captain, too.

Fine, fine.

Now, you all know
that the quarterback

is the key man
on any football team.

So that means we're going to be

counting real heavily on you, Opie.
Uh-huh.

And one more thing.

If you want to do anything...
And I mean anything...

And do it well,
you've got to give it your all.

You remember that

and we'll come up
with a good team.

Right boys?

Right!

All right, boys,
what do you say

go home and change
into your sneakers

or your football shoes,
get your helmets

and get back here
in a half hour

for your first practice!

Come on, let's go!

Come on, boys!

Hi, paw.

Hi, ope.

What's up?

Oh, nothing much.

Shouldn't you be home
practicing the piano?

Well, that's what I want
to talk to you about, paw.

Yes?

When miss Edwards gave me
my piano lesson yesterday

she said my fingers
needed stretching.

Your fingers needed stretching?

Yeah. Like this.

They do?

Yeah.

She said it's very important
for me to be able to do that.

It's not easy.

Try it, paw.

Kind of hard, isn't it?

Well, I suppose,

if it's new to you.

Now, I was figuring
it would be much smarter

if you put off
the piano lessons,

say for about a month,

till I can limber up my fingers
and get 'em stretched.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, I could take all kinds
of finger-stretching exercises.

And, paw, I know
how much you're paying

for those piano lessons.

So maybe
it'd be better all around

if we waited until I was readier
to take advantage of it.

You know, I appreciate that.

I really do.

It's, it's nice of you,
and I appreciate it.

However,

I expect
that miss Edwards would agree

that the best way for you
to get your fingers stretched

and limbered up
and everything would be

right at the piano
while you're practicing.

Okay, paw.

Yoo-hoo!

Hello, bee!

Oh, hello, Sarah.

How's Opie doing?

Well, fairly well
for the second day.

Well, it takes time.

After all, Rome
wasn't built in a day.

Yes.

Well, I suppose they had
their problems, too.

How long does
he practice?

Two hours a day.

Every day.

Imagine it's pretty
trying in the beginning.

Well...

Bee, I've got an idea.

I'm going to start
on that quilting

that we talked about
the other day,

so why don't
you come over

in the afternoons
and help me on it?

Oh, could I sew?
Could I?

Of course you could!

Ah!

I'm leaving, aunt bee.

Seven, five, nine, hike.

Not bad, Tim, but you got
to work on that timing.

If you can't get the ball
to your receiver

you're in trouble.

Uh, any of the other men
want to try throwing?

Opie's always been
our quarterback.

He's a real
good passer.

Wait till
he gets here.

You'll see.

Okay, Tim, try it again.

The short pattern
this time. Okay.

Hi, fellas.

I'm sorry I'm late,
Mr. Conroy.

It was just kind of
one of those things.

Well, we'll forget it
this time, Opie

but tomorrow,
it's : , right?

Uh...

He'll be here. Don't worry.

Okay, Opie, take over
quarterback position.

Now, we'll try a short pass
pattern to your right end.

He'll go out about ten yards,
fake to his right and cut in.

Okay, let's go.

, ...

Hut, hut!

Attaway to go, team!

Attaway to go!

Good block, Joey!

Good hustle!

All right,
gather around.

Real nice, Opie,
real nice.

Thanks.
Good pass.

All right, fellas,
I just wanted to see

what kind
of a quarterback we had

and I'd say
we're in pretty good shape.

Let's hit the tire drill,
and keep those knees high.

Okay, let's go!

Move it!

Opie?

Remember what I said.

If we want a good team

everybody's
got to give their all?

Uh-huh.

So you'll be here tomorrow
at : , right?

Right.

Okay, get those feet high!

One, two, three, four,
hold, two, three, four...

Crisper, crisper...

You know why I don't think it
sounds too good, miss Edwards?

Why, Opie?

Because, like you
said the other day,

the piano's out of tune.

That's of no importance
at this point,

but it does show
that you have a very good ear.

Thanks. I was thinking maybe
I ought to try to keep it good.

I mean, if I play on a piano
that's out of tune,

my ear might go bad.

Oh, that couldn't happen, Opie.

It might. Maybe we ought
to wait on the lessons

until Mr. Higby came
to Mayberry and tuned it.

Then I could get started right.

Nonsense, Opie.

It doesn't make that much
difference to a beginner.

Now, let's continue.

One...

...Two, three, four,

hold, two, three, four...

Oh...

This is much more restful.

Yes, I can imagine.

Well, he's coming along
fairly well, don't you think?

Oh... yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

One, two, three, four,
hold, two, three, four...

...Two, three, four...

Oh, it's : .

Well, that'll be
all for today, Opie.

Now, don't forget... an hour's
practice beginning right now.

Spend minutes on
each of your exercises.

Yes, ma'am.
Okay.

We got to speak to Opie,
miss Edwards.

Oh? Well, for only
a moment now,

because he still has an hour's
practice to get in.

Yes, ma'am.

So this is it?

Piano lessons, huh?

Yeah.

As the manager
of the team,

Mr. Conroy told
me to tell you

if you don't come
over right now,

you're off the team.

I can't. I got
to practice.

Then you're off the team.

Okay. I'm off.

Aw, you guys
talk to him.

Opie,
you got to come.

You're the only
quarterback we've got.

I tell you,
I got to practice.

Is your aunt bee home? No.

Who's going to know whether
you're practicing or not?

She's next door.
She can hear.

Hey, wait a minute.

Why can't I practice for you?

I took lessons
from miss Edwards, too.

Your aunt bee won't know

whether it's you
or me that's playing,

and they don't need
me at the field

'cause I'm
the manager.

That'd be like lying.

Then tell your aunt bee
you've got to play football.

She doesn't understand
about football.

Well, your father does.
Tell him.

Maybe.

Hey, maybe I'll go down
and tell him now.

There's no time.

We've got to get
to the field.

Coach is waiting for us.

Look, Opie...

And this wouldn't
be lying.

You can tell
your father tonight.

Right now, I'll do your scales

so your aunt bee'll
hear something.

Yeah, that's not doing
anything wrong.

All right, let's go.

All my scales
are over there.

Oh, and remember...
Don't play too good.

He's playing
with a lot more assurance.

I noticed that.

These children
learn so fast.

Hmm.

That's remarkable
how he suddenly improved.

He seems to have
caught on to it, hmm?

He must have a great
deal of talent.

He's developed
a very lively rhythm.

I think I'll go over
and tell him.

Oh, why don't you, bee?

A little praise
never hurt anybody.

Yes.

Opie, I just...

Hi, sheriff Taylor.

Where's Opie?

You have a real nice
piano, sheriff.

Well, I got to be going.

Arnold...

Yes, sir?

What are you doing here,
and where is Opie?

I can explain that,
sheriff... sir.

I'm listening.

Well, first of all, ope was
going to tell you tonight.

Tell me what?

Why I'm here and he isn't.

You tell me.

Well, you see,

his aunt bee
is next door listening,

and if she didn't hear anything,
she wouldn't like it.

Go on.

Well, what happened was...

Hello, Andy, Arnold.

I came over to tell Opie...

Where is he?

That's what I'm
trying to find out.

Well, he was here
just a minute ago,

playing the piano
beautifully.

That was Arnold playing
the piano beautifully.

It was?

Apparently, Arnold is
practicing for Opie.

Sheriff Taylor, maybe it'd
be better if Opie told you.

I'm not really very good
at explaining things.

Go get him.

Yes, sir.

But don't forget...

Ope was going to tell you
tonight anyway.

I don't understand.

How is it possible for one boy
to practice for another?

Ope...

Your paw came home,
and so did your aunt bee.

They caught me.
Oh, Arnold!

What'd you tell them?

Nothing. I just
told your father

you were planning
to tell him tonight.

I'm in trouble.

Opie...

Arnold... say, Arnold...

And I was going to tell you
about it tonight, paw.

Really, I was.

So I wasn't actually cheating
or doing anything wrong.

Not re wrong.

How could it be wrong

if I was going to
tell you about it?

Isn't that right,
aunt bee?

Well, I...

It was wrong,
and you know it was wrong.

Now, you promised
to practice that piano

two hours every afternoon.

But how did I know flip Conroy
would coach us?

He's one of the biggest
professional football players.

He did have a rather
difficult choice, Andy.

People have difficult choices
their whole lives,

and they've got to learn
to make the right ones.

I knew I was
going to wind up

forcing him
to practice.

Opie, when you start something,
you have got to finish it.

I started football before
I started piano lessons.

That's got nothing
to do with anything.

Now, you made up your own mind

that you wanted to take
piano lessons, right?

Yes, paw.
So you're taking them.

And you said you wanted
to be good at it.

And to be good at anything,
you've got to give it your all.

But I want to be good
at football, too,

and Mr. Conroy said

I have to give that my all.

There are more important
things than football.

But, paw...

And you can't do two
things at the same time

and do them well.

So... you will be
practicing that piano

every afternoon
from : to : .

Do you understand?

Yes, paw.

Sheriff Taylor?

I'm flip Conroy.

Oh, come in. Come in.

Uh, this, uh...
This is my aunt.

Hello.

How do you do?

Hi, Opie.

Hi, coach.

I hear we have
a little conflict

with our practice
sessions.

Yes, we do.

Well, that son
of yours is

sure a good
football player.

I'm glad to
hear that.

I really am,
but he's decided

he wants to be a good
piano player, too.

Well, there's sure
nothing wrong with that.

Well, like I was
explaining to him,

you can't do two things
at the same time

and do either one
of them right.

Well, there's
some truth to that.

On the other hand, if things
are planned and worked out,

it's always possible to pursue
several interests

at the same time.

Well, there's...

A lot of different ways
of figuring things.

Do you know
what time it is?

Yeah, paw,
it's : .

You know, Mr. Conroy
sure was right.

If you just plan things,
there's time for everything.

Except sleep.