07x25 - Goodbye Dolly

[bunniefuu]

I'm sorry I took
so long, Andy.

Oh, that's okay, there's some
good stuff on television.

Oh, good.

Yeah, there's a documentary
on forest rangers

listed under "best bets,"

and then after that, an
Eddie bracken movie

oh, good. First, I want
to go down to the mailbox.

What are you gonna mail?

I... oh, you'll think
I'm silly.

No, I won't think
you're silly.

Well, I just want
to mail this.

What is it?

You'll think I'm silly.

I told you, I won't
think you're silly.

Well, it's the manuscript

for a book I wrote
about children.

It's-it's nothing.

A book!

No kiddin'!

Huh!
What's it called?

You think I'm silly!

No, I don't think
you're silly.

Well, it's called,
amusing tales of tiny tots.

Huh.

See, I told you you'd
think I was silly.

No, no, no, I don't
think you're silly.

It's just, you really
wrote a whole book!

Yeah, it was something I
wanted to do, so I did it.

Well, it's just great!

Who are you sending it to?

Oh, this publisher
up in Richmond.

I found his name
in the phone book.

I thought I'd send it to him.

Nothing's going to happen,
probably.

Well, you never can tell.

Oh, but I'm just an amateur.

So was Mark twain,
till he got something published.

Wow, wouldn't that be something

if it actually got published,

and I'd be like a-a real author!

Wouldn't it?

Oh!

You know,
before you came here,

Mayberry was
just another little town.

And now, we're liable
to become

the literary center
of the south.

Oh, Andy!

Andy!

Oh! It just came
by special delivery.

I'm so excited,
I think I'm going to cry.

Look at it.

What is this
all about?

Oh, that beats everything.

Can I make the
announcement?

Please. I'm
too nervous.

Listen. Listen, listen,
listen, listen.

Miss Helen crump has
just been informed

that her first book
will be published

and she's been sent
an advance check

of $ , .

$ , !

$ , !

Boy.

Helen, you must be a
very talented writer.

What's the name
of the book?

Amusing tales
of tiny tots.

It's about kids, huh?

They're funny all right.

Yeah.

This is really something.

I have to go up
to Richmond tomorrow

and meet
with the publisher.

It's all so new.

Andy can go
with you.

He'll give you a
shoulder to lean on.

'Course I will.

Oh, I'll need it.

What you going to do
with the money?

I don't know, Opie.

Gee, I never had a
rich teacher before.

This calls for
a celebration.

Come on, Opie.

I'm going to fix
something very special.

Come on.

Oh.

I'm proud of you.

Oh. Oh...

Oh, hello.

Uh, I'm Helen crump.

Oh, yes. Oh, miss crump,
you wrote a delightful book.

Thank you.

Miss crump is here.

Send her in.

Won't you come this way?

You can wait out here
if you'd like.

He's with me.

Well...

Oh, Andy,
please come in with me.

Well.

Thank you.

Excuse us.

Hello, miss crump.

I'm Roger Ryan.

Oh, I'm pleased
to meet you.

This is Andy Taylor.

Hi, there, Sandy.

Miss crump,
I can't begin

to compliment you enough
on your book.

You know, we haven't had

a good, sensitive book
about kids

in a long, long time.

Oh, it's got great style.

And she wrote every
word of it herself.

What? Oh, yes, yes.

Helen crump,
meet robling flask

your cover designer
and Harold mosby

best promotion man
in the business.

How do you do?

Hi.

Yes, and this is
Taylor Sanders.

Excuse us,
will you?

Now, let's sit down and
get to work, shall we?

Here we are.

Oh. Well.

Thank you.

We, uh, we enjoyed your book
very much, miss crump.

It shows
considerable talent.

Oh, well,
thank you.

Oh, yeah. Grab
a chair, huh?

Uh... I'll, I'll just stand.

Fine, fine.

Miss crump,
I tell you

we see a great
future for you.

You know, we're even
thinking of possibly

a whole series
of books like this.

And the fact that
your creativity

emerged from a small town
like Mayberry

well, it gives us
a great promotional angle.

Well, it's not that small.

Oh, well, now, let...
Let's just say that, um...

That no major talent has emerged
from Mayberry until Helen crump.

Oh, say, that brings up

another point I wanted
to discuss with you:

Your name.

You know, if we look back

at some of the successful
women authors...

Edna St. Vincent millay...

Elizabeth Barrett Browning...

"Helen crump" doesn't quite
have the same ring.

Are you talking
about possibly a pen name?

Well, possibly. Possibly.

Uh... Harold...

I think it was Harold...
Had a thought.

Helene alexian Dubois.

"Helene alexian Dubois"?

What do you think, Andy?

Well, uh...

Oh. Well, you see

we wanted something
continental...

Something with class.

Well, uh...

Helen, here, comes from Kansas

and I think you'll find

over there, the name crump
has a lot of class.

Yes.

Well, our circulation
does go far beyond Kansas.

So, if you have
no objection...

Oh, well...

No, not-not really.

Oh, fine. Fine.

Now, about your
cover design...

Robling.

Your cover layout presented

a marvelous challenge

but I believe I worked out
something quite thrilling.

Oh, that's nice.

Yes, I let my
pastels run wild.

It will be an effective
cover at a distance, too.

Yes. Have you an easel
around here, Roger?

N-N-No.

No. Oh. I say.

Would you mind holding this up
for a minute, old chap?

Oh, no.

Back a little, huh?

Back?

You see, it projects
just right.

It has impact, too, I think.

I say, would you mind putting it
behind your back

and then whisk it out?

Sure.

You'll see.
It's an immediate eye-catcher.

Now, whisk.

See what I mean?

Once more, would you?

Whisk!

Well? What do you think,
miss... Dubois?

I think it's
just wonderful.

What do you think
of it, Andy?

Uh...

Well, uh...

Are you an illustrator,
too, sir?

Oh, no. No,
I'm with her.

Floyd, you know
Helen and Andy

are back from Richmond?

Old news is boring
news, goober.

Well, they just
got in last night.

I didn't figure
you knew.

It's all right here
in the paper.

You young fellows really
ought to read more.

Well, let me see.

You don't appreciate the
press like my generation.

No time to inform yourself
on current events.

Look, Floyd,
I just dropped in here

to make a simple statement.

If I want to hear a lecture
I can turn on my radio.

All right, all right.

That's really something about
Helen and her book, ain't it?

$ , .

That's probably
only the beginning.

You know,
when an author gets famous

they start paying them
by the word...

cents a word,
cents a word.

Yeah, that can mount up.

Yeah.

In one of her little stories

she could stick in something
about a sunset.

You know, like,

"the sun is dropping lazily down

behind the purple hill
in the western sky."

A thing like that
could run $ or $ .

Easy. Why, I'll bet that...

Hi, guys.

Hey, Andy.

How about a haircut?

Yeah. Tell us about
Richmond, Andy.

You must be awful proud
having your fiancee

come up
a literary sensation.

Yeah.

You won't have a thing
to worry about

after you and Helen
are married.

What are you
talking about?

With all the money
she'll be making.

Goober's right.

Your address will
be on easy street.

Could I get a haircut,
Floyd?

And think of everybody
you'll meet, too.

Yeah, movie stars,
queens, maharajas.

Writers hang around

with those kind
of people, you know.

You'll have plenty of time
for fishing, with Helen

bringing in
the bacon.

Oh, you're going
to live it up.

Champagne, caviar,
flamingo eggs.

Floyd, could I get a haircut?

Why don't you
get Helen to buy you

one of them gold rings
with your initials on it

for your little finger?

Now, that's class.

Invest her money
wisely, Andy.

It could be the
start of an empire.

Hey, where
you going?

Hey, Andy!

Howdy, Andy.

Oh. Hi, Howard.

Say, I haven't
had a chance

to congratulate you yet.

Congratulate me?

Yeah, on Helen's book.

Well, after all,
she's your fiancee.

So I guess
I'm congratulating you

on being a good picker.

Oh. Oh.

You must feel
eight feet tall, huh?

Oh, sure, I feel
eight feet tall, boy.

That's good. That's good.

Because, you know,
a lot of times

when the wife or the fiancee

achieves more fame and fortune
than the fellow

it can cause
a breach.

Huh.

But not

good old Andy, huh?

No, not good,
old Andy.

No, sir, you aren't going
to change one bit.

No, no.

Guess you'll keep
right on working, huh?

Uh... yeah, yeah.

I think I'll probably
keep on working and...

I expect about the only
time that I'll take off

will be for a little
Polo or tennis.

Oh.

Oh, boy.

I believe that
that is the finest dinner

that I've ever had

celebrating one
of your books.

I've never sold
a book before.

Keep it up...
It helps your cooking.

Hey, a toast.

I'm for that.

May this be the first
in a long line of dinners

celebrating
the accomplishments

that pour
from the typewriter

of helene alexian Dubois.

Thank you.

There you are.

Mmm.

Well, what would you
like to do later?

Oh, Andy, I'm sorry.

I should have told you before

but Roger Bryant's
coming down tomorrow

to look over those rewrites

and I'm afraid
it's going to take me

the rest of this evening
to finish them.

Oh. Well, we can't let anything
interfere with that, can we?

Oh.

You know, I'm something,
I really am.

I'm the only man in Mayberry

or mt. Pilot,
or anywhere around here

who is going with a lady
who is rich and famous.

I'm not rich and famous... yet.

I-I'm just enjoying
an interesting side career.

That's right

and everything
between you and me

is going to remain
exactly as it's always been.

Oh, Andy, you're
so sweet to help like this.

If you've got
to do rewrites

you've got to do rewrites.

Oh, would you mind?

Oh. Oh, of course.

Hey, Andy.
Nice-looking apron.

I was working late
over at the filling station.

These folks were just passing
through first time in Mayberry.

They wanted to know if there's
anything interesting to see.

So I told 'em
about Potter's cave

and how they're
sandblasting the high school

and then I remembered

about Helen
being a literary sensation

and they just had
to meet a famous celebrity.

Helen, I hope
I'm not out of line.

It's all
right, goober.

I'm not really
a celebrity.

I'm just writing a
book about children.

We've never seen a writer
close-up before.

It's real exciting.

And, uh, who's
this gentleman?

I'm with her.

Now, there's your toast.

And it's not burnt,
so don't pick at it.

Oh, and by the way

try not to cross
your father.

He's acting a little
peevish lately.

What's wrong with him?

Well, I don't know.

I think he's
overworking.

Maybe we'd better
not mention

anything about
his job, hmm?

Okay.

Oh, good morning, Andy.

Morning.
Morning, pa.

Toast, Andy?

Not burnt like that.

How's Helen?

Fine.

She sure can write good.

Isn't it wonderful

how she's put
Mayberry on the map?

Yeah.

They ran a full-
page ad on her

in the mt. Pilot
bugle and sun.

Mt. Pilot's
probably jealous

'cause they don't have
anybody famous.

Why don't you eat?

Oh, Andy, you've
made me very proud.

To be the aunt of a man

who's going to marry
a famous authoress.

I'd say
he's still peevish.

So he is.

And we didn't say anything

about his job
or the courthouse or anything.

A... Andy?

Andy, are you there?

Oh, hi, Andy.
Oh, hi, Helen.

Andy, Roger Bryant's
in town.

I spent a few minutes
with him this morning

and you just have no idea
how much work's involved

in getting a book out.

Roger wants me to do
some more rewrites.

And he wants me to do
a biography of myself

for the flyleaf.

Oh, Andy, the reason
I came by is

Roger and I are going
to have to work

every night this week.

Tonight?

Well, yes, tonight, too.

We were supposed to go

to morelli's to dinner tonight.

Yeah, I know, Andy.
I'm sorry.

The reason
we were going tonight

is because we couldn't go
last Tuesday night

because you were doing
rewrites then, too.

I wound up taking goober.

It's okay,
but he's not much of a dancer.

I know, Andy, but...
Well, I have to work.

Now, there have been nights
when you had to work, too.

That's different.

How's that different?

It's just different.

Well, Andy, I have
to do the rewrites.

Now I don't know
what to say.

I don't know why I just
don't go over to goober's

and read
his comic books.

You're making it
very difficult.

I'm making it
difficult?

I don't see how...
I'm free. I can go.

I don't know why
you're making such a fuss

because you have to sit home
a couple nights.

I don't have to sit home.

What's that supposed to mean?

You know what
that's supposed to mean.

I don't know what
that's supposed to mean.

You kn what
that's supposed to mean.

Oh... oh!

Oh, fine! That's just fine.

Get yourself another date.

Outstanding idea.
What?

Your suggestion

and it's an outstanding idea.

Well, it may just be the most
outstanding idea I ever had.

Sarah, get me mavis neff

at the drugstore.

That's none of your business.

Yes, it's great
about Helen's book.

Get me mavis neff.

Mavis neff?!

I don't believe it.

Not for one minute.

Floyd, it's true.

I was in the drugstore.

I just ordered a malted
with an egg in it

the phone rang,
mavis answered

and it was Andy.

Well, how could you tell?

How could you tell?

Well, for one thing,
she said "Andy."

And then she asked how things
were at the courthouse.

And how many Andys
at the courthouse do we have?

Are you sure you heard him
ask her for a date?

Well, I heard her say,
"tonight would be just dreamy."

And then she seemed
all excited about it.

As a matter of fact, she forgot
to put an egg in my malted.

I'll bet this whole thing
has something to do

with Helen writing that book.

Andy and Helen split up.

It's hard to believe.

I'm worried about Andy
going with this mavis.

Yes. I understand
she's rather forward.

Yeah. You remember
what happened to Harvey bunker

when he started
going with her?

They made him give up

his job as scoutmaster.

Well, let's just hope
Andy's made of sterner stuff.

Andy, you have the cutest

little laugh wrinkles
when you smile!

Yeah, well...

Are you still
going with Helen?

Well, you know...

There's that
cute little laugh wrinkle.

Oh, you have
a little one there

and, oh, a little one here

and, oh, look
at that one over there!

Hey, hey, mavis.

Huh?

Hey, you know
what we might do?

Huh?

Go down to the diner
and get a bite to eat.

But, Andy,
it's so beautiful out here.

Oh, I know it is.

Oh, I know that,
but I'm so hungry.

Aren't you hungry?

No.

Well, I tell you
something, I'm just...

Boy, I'm just
starving to death.

You are?

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Let's go down, huh?

Well... well, all right.

All right.

Andy, if-if you want.

Okay, I'll just get
the car started.

Why, at the rate
you're going,

you'll have those rewrites
licked in no time.

Oh, I... guess so.

What's the matter, helene?

The book doesn't seem
to be exciting you anymore.

Oh, uh...

I-I don't know.

Maybe I'm coming down
with something.

I know all the signs.

A writer always feels blue just
before his book is published.

Very normal.

Oh, hello. Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Mr. Bryant.

Hi, Sandy.

Oh, this is, uh,
mavis neff.

How do you do,
miss neff?

Hi.

Hello, mavis.

Hello, Helen.

Well, we'd better
sit down.

Oh, right here,
right here.

That meyer's lake
was so beautiful.

We should go up there again
some evening.

Th-th-there's, there's a lot
of good fish in that lake.

What were we talking about?

Oh, uh, uh, my book.

Oh, yes, yes. I was saying

it's perfectly normal
to have a letdown

just before
the book is published.

Would you
like to order?

Oh, maybe just
something to drink.

Uh... I know.

A root beer float.

They make me
bubbly all over.

Good, good, good.

Bubbly, wubbly.

Oh, Andy, your
laugh wrinkles

just drive me crazy.

I've come to apologize.

I've thought about it

and I-I know I was wrong.

See, when this-this
book business

first started... yours...

It didn't bother me,
not one bit.

But then everybody
started talking

about how wealthy
you were going to be

and how famous
you were going to be

and I got worried that I was
going to take a back seat.

But now I think I see things

the way they ought to be.

See, you've got this
talent for writing.

Talent's a very rare thing

and you should use it
and be proud of it.

And I've just realized
that I have a job

and it requires a certain
amount of talent

and I'm proud of it.

And I see no reason

why a sheriff
and a lady author

shouldn't get
along just fine.

That is, if you want to.

Hey.

You want to take a-a drive
up to meyer's lake?

Well, I guess Roger's
back in Richmond,

trying to put your book
on the best-seller list.

Let's not talk about it
anymore.

I'm so exhausted
from working on it.

Hello, Helen.

Hello, aunt bee.

Just going down
to the mailbox.

What you got?

Hmm?

Oh, oh, it's
really nothing,

nothing, really.

Aunt bee, did, uh,

did you, by any chance,
write a book?

A book?
Oh, no!

It-it's just a collection
of my favorite recipes.

I don't expect anything
to come of it.

Yes.

Pa?
Yeah?

Is "bloodthirsty" one word
or two?

"Bloodthirsty"?

Yeah, I'm writing a book.

What it's like to be the son
of a sheriff.

Well, where does
"bloodthirsty" fit in?

Well, I got to make it
excitin', don't I?

It's one word.

Thanks.

Andy, it looks
like you're gonna

have to get yourself
a typewriter, too.