07x22 - Floyd's Barbershop

[bunniefuu]

What'd you do last night?

Oh... Helen and I
took a walk.

I drove into mt. Pilot

and seen that foreign film
they got playing there.

Oh, yeah.

La vie da femme,
something like that?

Yeah. Them French people
sure have a good time.

Yeah.

Staying up late,
drinking champagne

dancing from one room
to the other.

Not one fella in that picture
was a working man.

Hi, fellas.

What's so funny?

Oh, goober saw
a picture last night.

You ever been
to France, Harry?

No. No.

Boy, you call Raleigh
a lively town.

Hey, is Floyd here?

No. He went home
for a while.

Well, I guess
that's it, then.

Okay, up she goes.

There it is.

Well, what
do you know?

Mmm.

That is kind of sudden,
isn't it, Harry?

Yeah. I got a letter

from the Robinson family
this morning.

Being out in California
all those years

they figured
they might as well sell it.

They've owned it
long enough.

or years,
I expect.

I think Floyd's been in there
that long.

Yeah?

Be a good buy for
somebody, I guess.

Yeah, it would.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Uh, Andy, uh...

How about you, huh?

Me?

Yeah. It's a
good location

right in the heart of town.

Yeah, and who knows?

Someday... I'm not saying
tomorrow, of course...

But this whole thing
could be a high-rise area.

"A high"

yeah. You got to
have vision, Andy.

Mayberry's just
a small town.

About years.

Exactly.

But when Mayberry goes,
look out, buster.

The same thing happened
with Detroit.

Sleepy little town

and all of a sudden,
shot up like a weed.

years from now
where we're standing...

Why, there could be a
-story building here.

If I had the money,
I'd buy this place.

Goob, if I was you

I'd just worry
about the gas station

'cause that's probably

where the subway will
be coming through.

It's a good investment
the way it stands.

It's only $ , down.

No real estate, Harry.

Well, it's a good
piece of property

if you change your mind.

Just don't block
my sign.

See you, fellas.

Harry.

Boy, Floyd's going
to be surprised

when he gets back.

Yeah.

What?

I was just thinking,
what if somebody buys this

who doesn't want
just a tenant

but wants it
for his own use?

Are you saying
maybe there won't be

a Floyd's barbershop
no more?

Not much chance
of that, is there?

No.

Well, I better go to work.

Hey, Andy.

Now, I know it's not going
to happen for a long time

but, uh, how wide does
the subway have to be?

It was like a bolt
from the blue, Andy.

Like a bolt from the blue.

I know.

If I have to get out of there,

there's not another shop
on main street

that's vacant.

Yep. Yeah, I know.

Worries me.

Floyd, a fella once said

if you don't worry about
things till they happen

you'll save yourself
a lot of grief

because % of the
things never happen.

That's true.

But when you think

years
in the same location.

I cut your hair, Andy,
when you were this high.

Yeah.

I remember
you always wanted to eat

the shaving cream.

You thought
it was ice cream.

You were pretty stupid,
you know that?

It doesn't sound like
I was too smart.

I should have bought
the building years ago,

when I had the money.

Well, Floyd,
you can't look back.

Oh, no.

Oh... no.

It'll be interesting to see
who the buyer is, though.

Yeah. Yeah, it will.

You want to play
the winner, Floyd?

It's going to be me.

No, no, thanks.

Don't be so cocksure,
goober, I'm not whipped yet.

If you can get out of
that, you're a magician.

How come you don't want
to play, Floyd?

I have my mind
on other things.

When a man's whole business
career is threatened,

he's in no mood
for checkers.

The work of over
a quarter of a century.

Learning the profession

and becoming more skillful
over the years,

to a point where
it's often been described

as artistry.

Oh, my.

Well, Floyd,
nothing's happened yet.

Hi, fellas.

Floyd, you don't mind if I
show my client around, huh?

Harry.

We just wanted to check
the structure a little, Floyd.

Look it over.

It's solid as a rock, huh?

Of course, there are
a few thin spots.

It gives the building
flexibility

in case of
earthquakes.

Are you thinking
about buying it?

Well...

Let me answer that.

If he knows value,
he's going to grab it up.

I was considering
it, Andy.

I've saved a little money
here and there over the years

and it's a
nice location.

I've always sort of
kind of had a yen

to own a piece
of the good earth.

Howard.

Yeah, Floyd?

Did you have anything
in particular planned

for the place?

I was hoping...

Have you seen the back room,
Howard?

I mean, they've got
complete plumbing facilities

and a genuine ceramic tile

in that red and purple
that's so popular right now.

I'll go listen and
see what I can hear.

Floyd, I'm sure
if Howard bought it

he'd want you to stay.

Sure. It sounds like
he might be thinking

about buying it
for an investment.

You never know what's
in the back of a man's mind.

There could be things
ticking back there.

Boy, Andy,

what can happen overnight?

What?

The aircraft industry's got
their eye on Mayberry.

Oh, that Harry is
sure some salesman.

Shh, shh, shh.

Well, I guess you got
the picture, huh, Howard?

Soon as you
make up your mind

just give me a buzz
down at the office.

Oh, and, Howard, uh,
I'll call you later.

See you, Harry.

Howard, did you have
anything planned for the place

if you bought it?

You were saying something
about "hoping."

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, Mayberry's always
going to need a barbershop

and I was hoping you'd
stay on as a tenant, Floyd.

Told you you didn't have
one thing to worry about.

Yeah, Howard's going to buy it.

Decided today.

Oh, I'm so glad.

And I know how relieved
Floyd must be.

Oh, yeah.

Well, all of you,
as a matter of fact.

That place has become
an institution.

It's been the center of the
town's activities for years.

Say, paw,
when I get older,

can I loaf around
the barbershop, too?

Well, I wouldn't call it
loafing, Opie.

Well, gee, paw,
you don't do anything there.

You just sit around
and play checkers

and talk and grunt.

Well, there's a... there's
a lot more to it than that.

Isn't there, aunt bee?

Oh, yes, it's a place
where the men gather

and they discuss
things and...

Whenever I go in there
for a haircut,

they're just loafing.

We're not loafing.

Well, whatever you're doing,
can I do it when I get older?

Well, that's
a long ways off.

Well, not to change
the subject,

but when will Howard
own it?

Well, Harry says
in a week or days.

Are the papers all
signed and everything?

Oh, yeah.

A lot of times,
when I go in there,

everybody's just leaning back
in the chairs, sleeping.

Eat your supper.

Well, here it is,
Howard,

all signed, sealed,
and delivered.

Oh, good, good.

Yeah, there is
one thing, Howard.

You know, well,
the new tax bill came in

and the insurance premium

and, well,
they've gone up, Howard.

Oh?

Of course, everything,
all over the country,

has gone up...
You know that.

I mean, it'll just be
a matter of time,

a year or two, and it'll
all go up, you know.

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, of course,
this is going to affect

the return on your
property, you know.

Well, I was planning on making
% on my investment.

Oh, you will, Howard.

There's no problem
there at all, it's the...

Well, you may have to
raise Floyd's rent,

maybe $ or something,
you know.

He only pays $
now, Howard.

Gee, I wonder
if he'll object.

No, no,
I don't think so.

After all, Floyd's
a reasonable man.

He... when it comes
to business, he knows.

He just has to expect
a raise, that's all.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'll draw up a lease
and pop over and see him.

Goo, good, good,
good, Howard.

And good luck with
the property, huh?

Thanks, Harry.

So long.

Hi, fellas.

Hey, Howard.

Hello there,
landlord.

I thought you'd be
popping in today.

Well, Howard, how does it feel
to be a property owner?

Oh, great.
Just great.

We're just loafing around
here, waiting on you.

Setting around,
not loafing.

What's the difference?

Oh, forget it.

Uh, Floyd, I brought the lease
over for you to sign.

Oh, that's the way
I like to do business...

Everything written out.

You're a smart
landlord, Howard.

Say, Floyd...

Yeah, and you're going to
fix the faucets

like you said you would

and take care of
that hole in the wall

where Harry put
his fist through?

Oh, sure, sure.

Uh... uh, Floyd

a-about the lease,
clause six there...

Maybe you might like to
discuss that in private.

Aw, there couldn't

possibly be
anything in here

that my dear friends
couldn't know about.

Clause six, eh?

Let's see here...

$ a month?!

You robber!

Did you hear that?

He wants to raise my rent.

Now, look,
Floyd...

Yeah, crush the little man,
will you?

Drive him into the ground.

Floyd...

Take the very food
out of his mouth.

Floyd, I'm sure Howard
has an explanation

if you'd just listen to him.

Floyd, all I want to do is make
five percent on my investment

which is certainly nominal.

It's just that
costs have gone up.

It's inflationary!

Price spiraling.

That's what you did.
That's what he did.

He is?

I won't pay it!
I won't pay it!

But, Floyd,
he's entitled

to five percent.

Floyd, I just got
to get to $ .

All right, Howard,
if you've got to get it.

It's your building.

But you won't get it
from me!

I hereby give notice

that I'll vacate
the premises tomorrow.

Floyd, you're not serious.

I'm not?

Well, that does it.

Floyd get all
of his stuff out?

Yeah, all except
the fixtures.

They go with the shop.

I guess you're going to rent it
to another barber?

Oh, yes.
I feel it's imperative

for the wellbeing
of Mayberry.

After all, a town
without a barber

would be in
desperate straits.

Would be pretty shaggy,
too.

I suppose you heard

about Floyd's plans.

He's going to open up
a shop in mt. Pilot.

No comment, Andy.

I thought Floyd
was very unreasonable...

Actually, to the point
of being rude.

I've never in my entire life
been called a scavenger.

I don't much care
what he does.

Well, I sure hate
to see this happen.

Me, too... we ain't had
no bad blood in this town

since that Ferguson girl
beat up Harold lovett.

Well, I got
to be going.

I'll... I'll
see you fellas.

Okay.

What you going
to do now?

Go to work.

When will you
be finished?

I don't know.

Finished work yet, Andy?

No, not yet.

I'll just wait
around, then.

I was just
pouring them out

for when
you're finished.

Don't you have
something to do

at the filling station?

Wally's there
this afternoon.

Don't you have something
to do somewhere?

No.

Well, how about
your laundry?

Done that last night.

Hi, fellas.

Hey, Cyrus.

I see Floyd
closed down already.

I was wondering where
you fellas were.

Want to play
some checkers?

I don't mind if I do.
Well, grab a chair.

Boys, this is
the sheriff's office,

not the barbershop.

Andy, we won't
make a sound.

You won't even know
we're here.

You take the red.

I bet you
I beat you this time.

Don't be so sure.
Don't be so sure.

Goober.
Huh?

:
Get off.

Oh, sorry.
Thanks.

That's okay.

Don't want to be
no trouble, Andy.

Wait a minute!

I moved one
of your checkers.

You got to leave it there.
That counts.

No, it doesn't.
Doesn't it, goober?

I don't know.
Never seen it happen before.

Andy, if you're going
to make a move

and you make a mistake
and you move

another fella's checker,
don't that count?

Honest, aunt bee,
I don't need a haircut.

It's getting
very scraggly.

All the kids wear
it scraggly now.

I just remembered,
I've got to do my homework.

No, you sit
right down there.

You sure you know
what you're doing?

Well, I used to cut
my brother's hair

when I was a little girl,
I'm perfectly capable.

I like the part over...

I'll decide that.

Floyd always used to...

Floyd isn't here.

Paw, will
you drive me

to mt. Pilot
for a haircut?

What are you
talking about?

Please take me
to mt. Pilot.

I'll see, I'll see.
Thanks, paw.

Oh, Andy. Well,
what's bothering us?

"What's bothering us?"

My office is
a checker parlor

and now my home's
a barbershop.

I don't know where
a man's supposed to work.

Hi, Andy.

Well, hi, Floyd.

Good to see you.

Just got back
from mt. Pilot.

Yeah?

Think I've got a nice
place lined up there.

Two chairs,
mirrors on both walls.

a*t*matic lather machine...
Oh, it's the big time.

Floyd, I still think that
you and Howard...

I'll thank you not to mention
that man's name in my presence!

I happen to find it repugnant.

I'm sorry.

Still hasn't found
a tenant, has he?

No.

It's a shame, Floyd.

After years
in the same spot,

it's time for
a change.

A man can get in
a rut, you know.

Same old people,
same old chitchat.

I'll see you, Andy.

I got business
to attend to.

I'll see you, Floyd.

Hi, Andy.

Oh, hi, Howard.

Got an appointment
with a Mr. Coefield.

Oh.

Yeah.

Runs a whole chain
of barbershops.

He's interested in having
one here in Mayberry.

Sounds big.

Yeah.
Yeah, it sure does.

Mr. Sprague?

Oh, Mr. Coefield,
I presume.

This is sheriff Taylor.

Well, this might do
after a little fixing up.

"Fixing up"?

I'll take care
of the costs.

Stainless steel walls
halfway up

mirrors the rest
of the way.

I like my places neat,
modern.

Those pictures
will have to go, and...

What's this?

It's a bulletin board.

If anybody in town has
anything to trade or sell

they kind of make a note,
come in and tack it up.

That'll have to go.

What's this table
doing here?

Well, a lot of the fellas
come in from time to time

and play checkers.

Now I know why they didn't
make a go of it before.

Too much talk,
not enough haircuts.

Things will be different
when I put a man in here.

I run an efficient
business.

No tomfoolery,
no time wasting.

Mr. Sprague, I'll
give you $ a month.

Well, I...

I'll make it $ and
that's my final offer.

Well, I'd sort of kind
of like to think it over

if you don't mind,
Mr. Coefield.

Okay.

You know where
to get in touch with me.

Right.

I just don't want
to jump into anything.

Of course.

Of course, I haven't
signed the lease yet

at the mt. Pilot shop,
but it'll work out fine.

I'll be right next
to the jolly time snack bar.

That's good.

And then the other side
is a pickle-bottling plant.

Uh-huh.

A lot of walk-in trade.

That sounds good, Floyd.

What did you want
to see me about?

You said
it was important.

It's not real important.
It's just that...

Hi, Andy. I...

What's he doing here?

Uh...

Come in, Howard
and sit down.

If you don't mind, Andy,
I'd rather not.

Good riddance.

Howard, sit down,
sit down, sit down.

Now, the reason
you're both here

is because I planned
it that way.

You've been friends
much too long

to part like this.

So before you go
your separate ways

I want you to shake hands.

That's all.

Well, go ahead and shake.

Now, don't you feel better?

I hope you like it
in mt. Pilot, Floyd.

Thank you, Howard.

Hope you rent the place
soon to another barber.

If you two had sense enough,
you'd realize

you'll both be
better off this way.

You really will.

Floyd, you're going to make
a lot more money

in mt. Pilot, right?

Well, yes, I expect to.

Yeah. And, Howard, you're going
to rent the place

for more than $ a month.

Yeah, I guess so.

So, you see?

Neither one of you
is losing anything.

You're both gaining
a great deal

and all you're mad
at one another about

is a stupid piece
of real estate.

Well, it's a little more
than that, Andy.

The place had sort
of a homey touch.

Yeah, it had atmosphere.

There's no question about that.

Oh, sure, it had atmosphere.

A bunch of guys hanging around,
cluttering up the place.

But...

You can't make money
that way, Floyd.

Those fellas that hung around
the barbershop...

They were friends.

Oh, I know
they were friends...

Yeah, and they weren't
cluttering up the place,

either, there was good
talk and conversation.

Uh, world events.

We had very stimulating
discussions.

There are other things
besides money.

Absolutely. You just
don't understand it.

The barbershop was
a town tradition.

I guess you just
weren't aware of that.

Right.
A town tradition.

It's a shame
to see it change.

A real shame.

I'll come down
$ . in the rent.

I'll go up $ . .

Deal?

Deal.

Funny thing, Andy...

I always had you pegged
for a pretty smart fella.

Amazing... after
all these years,

you never understood

what an institution
Floyd's barbershop was.

Well, he used
to think

shaving cream was
ice cream.

I'm sorry, guys.

I guess I just never
realized all this.

Yeah.

Aunt bee, honest,
I don't need a haircut.

Now, we postponed
this yesterday

and we're not going to
postpone it any longer!

I'll get one
in mt. Pilot.

No, your father hasn't
got time to take you.

I'll ride my bike.
It only takes six hours.

Oh, nonsense. Now, will
you please sit still.

I have to get this pike's
peak off, first of all.

Can I have a pill
or something?

Oh, will you be still.

Good news...
Floyd's back.

Oh, boy!
Oh, well, how did all that happen?

Well, Howard
went down $ .

and Floyd went up
$ . .

Why didn't they do that
in the first place?

Then I wouldn't have had to
go through all this.