04x09 - Up in Barney's Room

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

Mrs. Mendelbright, I implore you.

I've looked all over town for a place to stay.

Please, can't you make room for me?

Oh, Mr. Fields, I know very well

there are rooms for rent all over town.

I know but I couldn't find anything

as nice and comfortable as this house.

Gracious!

Why this house, of all houses?

Well, I dare say

it's because of you, Mrs. Mendelbright.

You know, you are nice.

Oh, Mr. Fields.

MENDELBRIGHT: Oh, hello, Barney.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Mendelbright.

How did work go today?

Oh, just fine, fine.

Barney, I want you to meet Mr. Fields.

He's a stranger in Mayberry.

Mr. Fields, this is Deputy Fife.

How are ya? How do you do, sir?

Fine.

Oh, is there something wrong with your back?

Well, no, no.

It's just the dampness and the humidity

( bottles clanking ) kinda works on my disk sometimes.

Oh, what a shame.

Would you like a hot water bottle

or some oil of wintergreen?

No-no-no, thank you.

Uh, I don't believe... You take care, now.

Uh, yes, ma'am, I-I will. Uh...

You go lie down for a while.

Th-that's what I was gonna, uh...

gonna do.

Oh, I worry so about him.

He's in this dangerous work and he's so underweight.

( knocking on door )

It's me... Andy.

Oh.

Hi, Andy. Hi.

I thought you was Mrs. Mendelbright.

Oh, cookin' supper, huh? Yeah.

Oh, chili.

Yeah.

I make it myself.

Boy... you got a lot of spices in there.

Well, that's just loaded with herbs.

The smell of it makes my head all wet.

You wanna stay for supper?

Uh, no-no, thanks.

Well, I got plenty.

No, I'll-I'll go on home.

You sure? No chili?

No.

No sweet cider?

No, no, thanks.

Oh, here's your paycheck.

Oh, thanks.

Sorry I couldn't get over here in time

for you to make the bank.

You could have eaten out to supper.

Oh, that's all right.

I get so sick of eatin' out.

You sure you won't have some of this?

Oh, no, thanks. Here, just taste it.

No, I don't believe I'll... Taste that.

No, I don't believe I'll... No, thanks!

You're missin' out on a good thing.

Well, you know, you sure have

put in a lot of changes since I was here last.

Well, I was forced to.

You know, the place was so darn drab.

Well, you sure have picked it right up.

Well...

that set of books kinda sets it off

don't you think?

Gettin' literary. Yeah.

Well, what is it?

Oh, copies of "True Blue Detective" magazine

goin' back to .

I had 'em bound.

"True blue Detective," that's nice.

Yeah, good stories in there.

"I Married a Fink."

"How it feels to Pull the Switch."

"I Picked a Pocket and Paid."

Good stories.

Yeah, you wanna borrow one of 'em some night?

Oh, no, thanks.

I got, uh, a lot of readin' to do at home.

You can borrow 'em. You're welcome to 'em.

No, no, I'm way behind on it.

Oh, you still got your

Mayberry High School Pennant.

Yeah.

( both chuckling )

ANDY: You're an old sentimentalist, you know that, Barney?

( Andy chuckles )

Yeah. Oh, boy...

It does look a lot better.

You've really done somethin' with the room.

You know that?

Well, it's them little touches that make it.

Chili's burnin'!

How do you turn this thing off?

Pull the plug, right there.

You reckon Mrs. Mendelbright smelled it?

( knocking at door )

She smelled it.

MENDELBRIGHT: Mr. Fife?

Uh-uh, just a minute.

Mr. Fife?

Just a minute, please.

Uh-uh... Mr. Fife?

( persistent knocking )

Let me in.

Mr. Fife.

Just a minute.

( continued knocking )

Oh, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Where is it?

Where's what?

Hot plate... chili and crackers...

Where are they?

Well, uh...

well, they're not in there.

Oh.

So, you admit they exist?

Now, I didn't say that.

( gasping )

Oh, good heavens!

My mother's dresser!

This dresser came by bus

all the way from Fort Lauderdale.

Oh, Mr. Fife, how could you?!

Well, so I cooked a little.

Is that so terrible?

It's not only your cooking, Mr. Fife.

This is a -watt bulb

and the rule is no bulbs over watts

and you keep it on all night.

Well, I'm studyin', if you must know.

I've seen you sleeping with it on.

Snoop! Snoop!

You're afraid of the dark.

Bulb snatcher!

Oh, Mr. Fife,

I shall have to ask you to leave my house.

There is someone who's a real gentleman

who can use this room.

So, kindly leave my house.

With pleasure!

Whoever heard of a room

you couldn't cook in, anyways?

Six dollars a week, and what do I get?

Heartaches, nothin' but heartaches!

Barney, you and Miss Mendelbright...

Stay out of this, Andy.

But, Barney, you can't...

If that's the way she wants it,

that's the way it's gonna be.

But, Barney... Tick a lock!

( coughs )

A most fortunate day.

Oh, I hope you'll be happy in that room, Mr. Fields.

I know I shall, my dear.

I know I shall.

Oh, Mr. Fields.

I just love that little blush.

Kind of small for living quarters back there, Barn.

You sure you're gonna be all right here?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Don't want to come over to the house for a while?

No. No, you're talking to Mr. Independence, you know.

Oh, I'll just add a few more touches

that reflect my personality, and this will be just like home.

Until I find something permanent.

Yeah.

Well, listen, do me a favor

and don't personality it up too much.

We want to let the place

keep a certain amount of jail flavor.

Yeah, that's right.

We don't want to confuse people.

That's right.

Cute, huh?

It's real nice, Barney.

Look.

See these shelves?

Mm-hmm.

Know what that was?

Orange crate.

Oh.

See on the side here?

That's the only tip-off, where it says, "oranges."

As soon as I have that painted, you'll never know.

No, I guess you won't.

( Barney chuckles )

Oh, come here.

My closet.

I haven't done much with that yet.

Oh, it's very nice, Barney.

Well...

Hope you'll be comfortable here. Yeah.

Oh, do you want some sweet cider before dinner?

Um, no, thanks.

Are you hungry? Starved.

What do you say to a little dinner?

Love it!

I'll have the hot plate plugged up in a minute.

There we go.

( sighs )

( singing softly ): ♪ Santa Lucia... ♪

That sure was a good movie, Paw.

Mm-hmm.

Did you notice that Gregory Peck has an accent?

An accent?

Well, he don't talk like you do.

Well, that's 'cause he's a northern person.

Some day, we'll take a trip up there

and you can hear it in the flesh.

Last time we saw Gregory Peck in a movie, he talked like you.

That's right.

And the movie before that, he talked northern.

Uh-huh.

Was somebody else doing his talkin' for him?

No, he was doing it himself.

How?

Well, that's the actor of the man.

Hey, look, Paw, the lights.

ANDY: Well, I'll be dogged.

Thel! No, Barney!

What are you doing? Come on...

Thel... No, Barney, please.

Come on, Thel, Thel... Ooh, Thel.

( Thelma Lou giggling )

( Thelma Lou gasping )

( noisy scrambling )

Barney?

Hi, Andy, just gettin' a little work done... here.

( Andy clearing throat )

Good.

Thelma Lou.

Evening, Andy, Opie.

Hi, Thelma Lou.

It's a good thing I came by.

You would've ruined your eyes working in the dark that way.

Yeah.

( clears throat )

Excuse me, I got to get somethin'

out of the back room.

I forgot.

We saw a swell movie tonight, Barney.

( muffled ): Good, good.

It was Gregory Peck, and he was real good.

( muffled ): Swell, swell.

It sure was swell.

I heard!

Paw, Paw! Barney's face is bleeding!

That's not blood!

Never mind.

Thelma Lou'll take care of Barney's face.

Let's go.

OPIE: Boy, what a mess.

ANDY: Bye, Thelma Lou.

You better get yourself a room.

No luck again, huh?

No.

( sighs )

Andy, I've looked every day for five days

and I just can't find a good room.

You know, nothing like Mrs. Mendelbright's place.

That was home.

Do you know I was there five years this November?

Why don't you go over

and have a talk with Mrs. Mendelbright?

Apologize to her.

Won't do no good.

She's got the room rented.

Already?

Yeah, some out-of-town stranger.

You remember that day she kicked me out?

He was over there having coffee with her.

Well, I'll be dogged.

Yeah. I don't trust that bird, neither.

Hey, Barn...

how about both of us go talk to Mrs. Mendelbright?

What do you say?

She probably won't even talk to me.

Well, it's worth a try.

Come on.

Well, I ain't going to crawl, now.

I'll tell you that right now.

Well, you don't have to crawl.

Just tell her you're sorry

and you won't cook anymore and will she take you back.

Well, that's crawling.

Now, look, Barn,

you don't have a room, and you're miserable.

Now, you might just have to bend a little.

Well, maybe I'll bend a little.

Good.

I'll bend, but I won't crawl!

Right.

Now, all you got to do is be nice.

Remember, you said you was ready to bend a little.

But no crawling.

No crawling. Come on.

( buzzing )

Now, remember, Barn.

Afternoon, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Oh. Good afternoon, Sheriff.

Brought you some company.

Oh. It's Deputy Fife.

That's right.

It's your Deputy Fife.

( mumbling )

( faintly ): Good afternoon, Mr. Fife.

Yeah, Barney and me was just driving by

and we was talking and everything

and Barney was saying how sorry he was

that everything happened the way it did.

Ain't that what you was saying, Barney?

That's right, Mrs. Mendelbright.

I sure am sorry about the whole thing.

Well, we've been friends for so long.

I'm sorry, too, Barney.

Oh, I'm sorry, too, Mrs. Mendelbright!

I'll never cook again.

I won't read at night.

I'll take out the garbage. Anything!

Even raise my rent, but take me back.

I want to come home.

Oh, bless you, Barney.

I'd like to have you come back.

You're a tidy person.

Nobody leaves a washbasin the way you do.

But the fact is,

I'm giving up the rooming business.

I'm selling my house.

You're what?!

Selling your house?!

I'm getting married.

No, you're not!

Married?

Well, when an opportunity comes along

to change one's life for the best,

one shouldn't hesitate.

Well, for heaven's sakes.

Best wishes. Who's the lucky fellow?

My new roomer, Mr. Fields.

But you don't even hardly know him!

Oh, I guess it is rather sudden,

but I know him well enough.

Well, bless your heart.

Thank you.

And best of luck to you, too, Barney.

Bye, Mrs. Mendelbright.

We sure are going to miss you.

Good-bye, Sheriff.

I don't like it.

I just don't like it.

Don't like what?

Her marrying that stranger.

He's no stranger to her.

All right, let them get married.

I just hope it ends in a quickie Mexican divorce.

Barney!

Oh, hello, Barney!

Mrs. Mendelbright, I thought you was gone.

Not yet.

This afternoon on the : bus.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I bet you are.

Mr. Fields and I are going

straight to Raleigh.

He's got the nicest house picked out.

That's nice.

That's what's in here.

The down payment.

My share of it anyway.

Huh?

I was surprised at how the interest grew.

$ , . .

You mean there's over $ , in there?

Mm-hmm.

And you're giving it to Mr. Fields?

Well, we're pooling our resources.

Folks in our age bracket have to do that, you know.

Well, good-bye again, Barney,

and good luck.

Good-bye, Mrs. Mendelbright.

( tires squeal )

Andy, listen! Andy!

What are you doing?

You're getting water all over...

Mrs. Mendelbright... She just came from the bank!

Did I tell ya? Did I tell ya?

Tell me... what are you talking about?

I just met Mrs. Mendelbright on the street

and she told me she took out all her money

and she's giving it to that guy Fields.

She's... she's giving it to him?

Andy, the guy's taking her!

Well, what... How can you be sure?

Oh, Andy, she's turning over , smackers

to that swindler.

Well, I'll admit

that sounds a little suspicious,

but you got to have more proof

to call a fellow a swindler.

Oh, proof! Andy, it's the old

take-her-money- and-run game.

We got to do something!

Well, all right.

Uh, we'll call the state police,

give them a description and ask for a rundown.

But that will take too long.

They're leaving on the : bus.

Let's go nail him! We can't.

He'd sue us for false arrest.

Sarah, Sheriff Taylor.

Fine. How are you?

Would you give me the state police?

I got it.

Let's get him and hold him on a phony traffic charge.

No good.

Why? No car.

Hello? Well, tell them to hurry.

( whistling softly )

It's : .

Why don't they call?

They'll call when they got something to tell us.

( whistling )

Want some sweet cider, Andy?

No, thanks.

You know, I was suspicious of that bird

right from the start.

Well, we don't know anything yet.

Oh, come on, Andy.

(A) A guy moves into town.

(B) He has no job.

(C) He wants to marry Mrs. Mendelbright.

Don't you get the picture?

Well, let's just wait and see.

Yeah, well...

( whistling softly )

Boy, you know,

this cider brings back pleasant memories.

Me and Mrs. Mendelbright

used to have a glass of this together every evening.

Hmm.

We'd go out on the porch and sit, drink cider.

Count cars.

She reminds me of my mother, you know that?

Yeah?

She's a good soul.

Yeah, she is that.

Well, she's the most faithful member we got at church.

Yes, she is.

Remember when they gave her the white bible?

Yeah.

She's a wonderful person.

Hmm.

Boy, the way she used to look after me.

Do you remember that time I had that terrible sunburn

and I couldn't raise my arms?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember.

Do you know what she did?

Hmm?

She came up...

( voice breaking ): and washed my hair.

Washed your hair?

She washed my hair.

That no-good swindler.

I don't trust him, Andy.

And you want to know why?

(A) A guy moves into town.

( ) He has no job.

(And C) He wants to marry Mrs. Bendelmright.

Barney, you're gassed!

That cider's turned hard!

Bless her heart.

Bless her heart.

Where'd you say you found this cider, Mr. Fields?

I believe your former tenant left it.

Have another glass, my dear?

Oh.

Now, let's drink another toast...

to our new life.

( both chuckle )

Mm, that's good cider.

But shouldn't we be getting started for the bus depot?

Oh, there's plenty of time.

Oh.

Let's have another drink.

To us.

( chuckling )

It's all my fault.

All my fault...

Don't drink any more of that.

Here, drink this coffee.

Okay.

Andy, she's in trouble.

Why don't they call?

( phone rings )

What a time for the phone to ring.

Sheriff Taylor.

Yeah, Lieutenant.

Yeah.

Yeah?

Right, thanks.

Come on, Barn.

Fields is a con man, all right.

Oscar Fields, Otto Thelman, Norman Feldspar.

Extortion, bigamy, a bunco man all the way.

( both chuckling )

Well, I got to go up and get my shakful...

my statchel.

Huh?

You know, the thing I put my clothes in.

My valoose.

Oh, you're right, dear.

You go on upstairs and freshen up

and then we'll be on our way.

Stop in the name of the law!

Just hold it.

What's this?

Oh-ho-ho!

Oh, I had you pegged right from the start, Buster,

and you want to know how I knew?

(A) A guy moves in to town... MRS. MENDELBRIGHT: Mr. Fields?

Oh, Mr. Fields?

(Mr. Fields, I seem to have misplaced my purse. B) He's got...

There's your purse, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Mr. Fields was about to run off with it.

( gasps )

Are you all right, Mrs. Mendelbright?

He didn't hurt you or anything, did he?

No, but... I just don't understand.

It's all my fault.

If I hadn't cooked,

you never would've threw me out

and taken in this thief.

It's my fault, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Oh, don't say that, Barney.

It's true.

I should have taken better care of you.

You're my friend.

Oh, Barney, you're my friend, too.

BARNEY: I like you, Mrs. Mendelbright.

I like you, too, Barney.

Come on, let's leave them alone.

( knocking )

BARNEY: Who is it?

It's me, Barney.

Oh, uh, come in, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Have yourself settled, Barney?

Hey, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, it's good to have you back again.

Well, it's good to be back, Mrs. Mendelbright.

Oh, I'll never be able to thank you boys for all you did for me.

Well... It was our pleasure.

Well, nevertheless, I want to show my gratitude.

From now on, I'm cutting your rent and raising your wattage.

Rent is $ a week

and you can use a watt bulb.

Well, thank you.

That's very nice of you.

And that isn't all.

From now on, you can cook in your room as much as you like.

Well, are you sure?

Absolutely.

Breakfast, dinner, supper, anything.

Well, thank you.

Well, I'll see you later.

All right.

Bye, Miss Mendelbright. Bye, Miss Mendelbright.

Bye.

Come back.

Bless her heart.

Ah, just right.