04x01 - Opie the Birdman

[bunniefuu]

( whistling sprightly tune )

starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

That's it, that's it.

Now... you just fasten the other end

of this inner tube rubber,

and you got yourself a real slingshot.

Get your tongue in, Opie.

It's a bad habit. Could bite it off.

There!

( Barney chuckling )

Look, Paw, ain't it slick?

( whistling ) Boy, that is a beaut.

Yeah. Mmm.

( chuckles ) One thing, now.

You got to promise you'll be careful with it.

I will, Paw. I'm just gonna sh**t

at tin cans and stuff.

Okay. You make sure you do.

Ope, you got here one of the oldest weapons known to man.

Famous, too.

You know, it was with one just like this

that David knocked out that big bully, Goliath.

Gosh. How do you know so much about 'em?

Well, it's not too surprising.

I mean, weapons are my business.

I make it a point to know all there is to know about 'em.

That was thousands of years ago, wasn't it?

That's right, it was back in the olden times.

Then where'd David get the inner tube?

Well, he just cut up an old t...

Uh... ( clears throat )

Ope, I think that might be something good

you can look up in your encyclopedia.

Yeah. You're never gonna learn anything

if I keep telling you everything.

Let's try her out.

You coming, Paw?

ANDY: I got to stay here.

Mr. Snyder's coming over to do some work.

OPIE: Oh. I reckon I can

get you started on the right track, Ope.

Generally speaking, there are two main requirements

in becoming adept with the common slingshot.

One is keen, sharp eyes

and two is a good, strong set of pinching fingers.

Fortunately, as a youth

I was endowed with both good eyes

and strong pinching fingers.

( chuckling )

Yeah. I always was a pretty good shot.

Then after awhile

when the ordinary sh**ting got dull

I started taking up the trick stuff.

You know, like, uh, "Over the Mountain,"

and, uh, "Behind the Barn."

Then I had the "Under the Bridge."

( chuckles ) And, of course, my best

was the "Tail Gunner"...

You know, with a mirror, and... phew!

You know... backwards.

No fooling? You could sh**t it backwards?

Oh, yeah. Backwards, sideways, forwards...

Didn't make no difference to me.

Hey, you got any a*mo?

Sure.

Here.

Come here. I'll show you.

All right. You hold that.

Barney, I don't think the office is the place

to sh**t that thing.

Please, Andy, I can do this with my eyes shut.

Okay. All right, now, you just move back here.

Here you go.

Barney, don't sh**t the slingshot in the office.

Andy, I'm an expert.

All right, turn the mirror around and hold it up.

Barney, don't sh**t the slingshot in the office.

Andy, I was born with a slingshot in my hands.

Oh, that's good.

That's good!

Finished with the wastebasket?

Now, you see why outside is best for practice?

Yeah, Paw.

Well, you be careful with that thing.

I will.

I'd still like to know where David got the inner tube.

Well, you see, son,

David didn't make his slingshot out of rubber.

He used two long leather straps

with a pouch in the middle.

He put the rock in the pouch and swung it around and around

and around and around, until he got a lot of momentum,

then he turned loose one of the straps

and that sent the rock flying off like thunder.

Oh, so that's how he did it.

That's how he did it.

Run on.

Okay, Paw.

Leather straps, was it?

There ain't no snap to leather.

Any dang fool can tell you that.

Andy, if you don't know something,

why don't you just admit it?

It's better than filling up

that boy's head with a lot of nonsense.

Wasn't leather?

It was not.

Then where'd David get the inner tube?

Pow!

Pow!

Pow!

Pow!

Pow!

Gotcha!

Pow!

( rustling )

Go ahead, bird... fly away.

I didn't know you were a bird.

Honest.

It's probably just a scratch.

It'll be okay.

Fly away!

Please fly away!

( sobbing )

( sighing )

Sure you won't stay for supper?

Well...

Aunt Bee's got a special dish...

Ham loaf and green beans, Chinese-style.

Aunt Bee cooking Chinese food?

A recipe she got out of the paper.

Oh... No. Thanks, anyway.

Okay. Some other time.

Okay. See you.

Okay.

( sighs )

( baby birds chirping )

( chirping continues )

More sweet potatoes, Andy?

Mmm-mmm!

Boy, you've done it again, Aunt Bee.

This meal ought to be at the county fair

wrapped up in about four miles of blue ribbon.

Oh, Andy.

Potatoes, Ope?

You ain't hardly touched your plate.

You sick?

I wonder if it's a touch of the pip.

Miss Edwards says there's a lot of it going around.

ANDY: Hmm. No.

I feel fine.

ANDY: You sure are missing a treat.

More rolls, Andy?

Mm-hmm.

What happened to the green beans Chinese-style

you was gonna make out of that newspaper recipe?

Oh, I started to make it

and then the recipe was continued on page seven

and I'd used that piece to line the garbage pail.

Oh.

Oh, next time you see Miss Snyder,

tell her to keep her cat at home.

That thing k*lled one of our songbirds today.

AUNT BEE: Oh?

ANDY: Yeah.

AUNT BEE: No, it couldn't.

She's been gone to her sister's for over a week,

and she took the cat with her.

ANDY: Something sure got that bird.

AUNT BEE: Oh, what a shame.

ANDY: Found it laying out in the yard.

AUNT BEE: Opie, aren't you going to finish your supper?

Whatever can the matter be?

Do you think he's sick?

No.

He ain't sick.

Let's have it.

You know what I'm talking about.

Hand it over.

You k*lled that bird, didn't you?

Didn't you?

You remember me telling you to be careful with this thing?

I'm sorry, Paw.

That won't bring that bird back to life.

Being sorry is not the magic word

that makes everything right again.

You gonna give me a whipping?

No.

I'm not gonna give you a whipping.

( baby birds chirping )

Do you hear that?

That's those young birds chirping for their mama

that's never coming back.

Now, you just listen to that for awhile.

Mornin', son.

Mornin', Paw.

What you doing?

Fixin' some breakfast.

Oh?

What sort of things you fixin'?

Bugs and worms and things.

Oh. Bugs and worms and things, huh?

Sounds like another recipe out of the newspaper.

No. It's for the little birds.

I got to thinkin' last night

that since their ma ain't comin' back

and since it's my fault

and since just being sorry won't help

I'm gonna take over and feed 'em.

Well, you are?

Uh-huh.

And, Paw, there's three of 'em.

I call 'em Winken, Blinken and Nod.

Them's fine bird names.

But, Paw, I'm kinda worried.

I never tried to take care of birds before.

Well, I don't know much about raisin' birds, either.

I reckon you just feed 'em

till they get big and strong enough

to fly off and take care of themselves.

Breakfast, everybody.

I can't come in right now, Aunt Bee.

I just can't.

Come in as quick as you can.

Okay.

Why is Opie acting so strange?

Well, the boy's facin' up

to some awful unusual problems.

The fact is, Opie's just become a mother.

( chirping )

How they doing, Ope?

Well, Winken's eatin',

but Blinken and Nod don't seem hungry.

Huh... Oh, I almost forgot.

I brought you something... tweezers.

Here. Feed 'em with that

instead of using your fingers.

Thanks, Barney.

All wild creatures shy away

from anything with man's smell.

Yeah?

You got your spores on it

they won't go anywheres near it.

Oh.

Fella huntin' the big stuff

on one of them African safaris

found out about that.

You wanna bait your trap

for tiger or something like that,

main rule is never to touch the food with your hands.

Huh.

That's good to know.

Next time I go tiger huntin',

I'm gonna take my tweezers.

Opie, don't bolt your food.

Slow down there, young'un.

I gotta get out and feed my birds, Paw.

Well, you don't have to eat that fast.

Mornin', folks. Oh, morning, Barney.

Oh, morning, Barn. Hi, Barn.

Come and sit down. Want some coffee?

Yeah, I'll have some, Aunt Bee. Thank you.

How're the little fellas doing, Ope?

Hmm, hmm.

They're doing fine.

Oh, good. The tweezers probably made the difference.

( cat shrieks )

What's that?

( shrieking continues )

I guess Miz Snyder's back.

That's her cat.

Oh, just a cat. ( chuckles )

A cat?

Cat?

A cat?

What was that all about?

Just because a cat... A cat! Ooh!

Now we don't have to worry about a cat.

You think they're gonna be all right out here, Paw?

Well, sure, they will.

Maybe we should take 'em inside,

where we could keep an eye on 'em.

Oh, no, no, that's not necessary.

You never take a wild bird in the house, Ope.

You don't?

No. Any scientist will tell you

that a wild bird is a creature of the outdoors.

He needs lots of fresh air and sunshine.

It's scientifically and biologically wrong

to take a wild creature indoors.

( half-whispers ): Besides, a bird in the house

means there's gonna be a death in the family.

They seem to like it, don't they, Paw?

ANDY: They sure do, especially Blinken there.

Look at the grin on him.

He's a healthy fella.

Winken's comin' along good, too.

'Course, he's smaller, but he's wiry.

He's very wiry.

Yeah.

Nod's not as pretty as the other two.

That won't make any difference.

He'll catch up.

Sure, he will.

You know what they say...

Homely at the cradle, pretty at the table.

( both chuckling )

Yeah.

Let's go on in the house

and leave 'em alone for a while.

Okay. Come on.

You think they're gonna be all right, Paw?

Of course they are.

Pretty soon, they'll be big enough to fly off.

You gonna have to let 'em go.

You know that.

BARNEY: That's right.

Wild creatures need their freedom.

Why are you so worried about 'em?

Well, because I touched 'em,

and Johnny Paul Jason says

if you touch a bird, the bird's gotta die.

Oh, that's just plain out and out superstition.

Can you imagine people believing a thing like that?

I'm surprised at you, Ope.

Birds don't die 'cause they're touched.

Stunts their growth a little, but that's all.

Sure. They'll be fine, Ope.

BARNEY: Sure, they will.

You can tell by their chirping.

That's them communicating.

They're saying things in bird talk.

Really?

Like what, Barney?

Well, uh, a bird that's feeling chipper

will chirp nice and chipper, like, uh...

( sprightly whistle )

"Gee, I'm feeling good."

Gosh!

And then, of course, it works the other way around, too.

I mean, when a bird's feeling sick,

why, he-he chirps like, uh...

( downcast whistling )

"Gee, I'm feeling bad."

How about that, Paw?

That's good.

( shrill whistling )

"Here comes a cat!"

( shrill whistling )

"Let's fly away!"

( shrill whistling )

"Okay."

Gosh!

Yep. The ways of the creatures of the wild

are many and wonderful. ( chuckles )

ANDY: That's right, Ope.

You just keep takin'

care of 'em the best way you know how,

and they'll grow up to be birds you can be proud of.

How will I know if I'm doing right?

Well, Winken'll tell Blinken, Blinken'll tell Nod,

Nod'll tell Barney and Barney'll tell you.

You ought to see them eat, Paw.

Remember when they wouldn't take any food from me at all?

I sure do.

Well, you should've seen 'em this morning.

They were grabbin' for these great big, juicy worms.

Opie, we're having our breakfast now.

But you should've seen 'em, Aunt Bee.

I was holdin' up this great big, juicy worm.

Opie!

Opie, I believe Aunt Bee's

tryin' to tell you that worms ain't exactly

a good subject for the breakfast table.

Oh. Then can I tell you about the bugs?

No.

( horn honks )

Oh, there's Barney.

Like a lift to school? Sure would.

Well, go on upstairs and get your books and get ready.

Okay. Hurry up.

Proud of the job he did with those birds, isn't he?

Certainly devoted to them.

He sure is gonna hate to have to turn 'em loose.

Well, I'll see you, Aunt Bee.

You ready?

In a minute.

Opie's comin' with us. Oh.

He'll be right down. Okay.

Boy, those birds sure are comin' along, aren't they?

Yeah. They sure are.

Yeah. They got their feathers and everything.

Yeah. Can't hardly call 'em babies anymore.

( chuckles )

'Course, you can't call 'em full growed, either.

No, you can't call 'em full growed.

The are gettin' to be pretty good size, though.

Oh, come on, Andy, they're just babies.

Barn, I think we both know

them birds are big enough to be off on their own.

Well... ( chuckles )

Of course, the young'un is so fond of 'em

I won't reckon it'll hurt for him

to keep 'em around a few more days.

It wouldn't hurt none. No.

Sure are floppin' around in there, though.

Yeah.

No. They're big enough to be flying.

Well, I'll talk to him about it when he comes down.

Hi, Barney.

BARNEY: Hi, Ope.

Ready, Paw.

Uh, just before we leave,

let me talk with you for a minute, Ope.

Okay.

Oh, I'll go see if Aunt Bee's got some coffee.

Uh... well, why don't we just go out on the porch?

Okay.

Notice how your birds been floppin' around in there?

Maybe we should get a larger cage.

They need a bigger place.

Yeah. That's what they need, all right.

They need a bigger place.

They need a real bigger place.

You mean... turn 'em loose?

Well, Ope, I know how fond you are of 'em,

and I don't reckon it'd hurt for 'em to stay around

a while longer, but remember we did talk about

one day you was gonna have to turn 'em loose.

And the longer you put it off,

why, the worse it's gonna get.

But I can't, Paw.

I just can't.

Well... you, uh...

Remember, you took over this job 'cause they lost their ma?

Well, there's that one other thing

that she would've done...

That's to let 'em go.

Let 'em be on their own, be free,

like they was intended to be.

But what if they can't fly away?

Maybe I didn't do all the right things.

I mean, on account I wasn't really their ma.

No, you did all the right things.

I expect they'll be able to fly.

( chirping )

Of course, Paw, if they can't fly away

then I can keep 'em as pets, couldn't I?

They could live right here, couldn't they?

( chirping )

But they don't want to be pets.

They're supposed to fly away, like you said.

I hope I did all the right things.

I hope you can fly away.

Please fly away.

Please.

He made it, Paw.

He's okay.

That was Nod.

You got two to go now.

Go on, Winken.

Do like your brother.

Fly.

Please fly.

Go on, Blinken.

Follow 'em. Hurry.

They're okay, Paw.

They all flew off okay.

Guess I did a good job, huh, Paw?

You sure did, son.

Cage sure looks awful empty, don't it, Paw?

Yes, son, it sure does.

But don't the trees seem nice and full?

( birds chirping )

Oh, and Otis, you forgot your little pocket transistor radio.

Yeah, I'll keep it for you till you come back.

Okay.

( sighs )

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Two men were seriously hurt

early this morning in the collision

of a two-ton trailer and a small pickup truck

on Route about... ( broadcast stops )

Hi, Andy.

Is the boy around?

No, I sent him to the hardware store.

What you got there? Goldfish?

Yeah, well, the boy seemed to get such a kick

out of taking care of wild things,

I thought I'd get him some fish.

Well, that's nice of you.

I got him some food, too.

Oh, cute little fella.

Yeah. ( chuckling )

( clears throat ) Hey, hey, Barn?

Hmm? You suppose fish talk to one another

the same way birds do?

Well, of course they do. They've made recordings

of fish talking to one another

down at the bottom of the ocean.

I'll be dogged.

Well, the most important thing, though,

in taking care of fish is the feeding.

You know, the great cause of goldfish deaths

in this country is overeating.

Oh, I'll be dogged.

See what they say here...

"Feed daily only the amount

"the fish will consume promptly,

"as other overfeeding will cause

illness and loss of fish." See?

Hmm. ( radio plays low )

Just give him a pinch.

Just a pinch.

There we go.

( both chuckling )

RADIO ANNOUNCER: lurking in the vicinity

of the warehouse shortly before the fire broke out.

Anyone knowing the whereabouts of this...

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Well... well, what's wrong?

ANNOUNCER: Police are saying a report that...

Would you lean over to that bowl?

Lean over the bowl?

Just lean your head over.

Oh.

Like that? Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: known only as Saunders.

Saunders is an ex-convict...

Do you hear anything?

Yeah.

Talking?

Yeah. You hear talking?

Huh. ( chuckles )

ANNOUNCER: A prowler who tried to break in...

Course, if it bothers you, I'll turn it off.

ANNOUNCER: was shot at,

but escaped early this morning.

Greenway City... ( report continues )