07x14 - Goober Makes History

[bunniefuu]

Oh, almost ready.

Now, don't forget

to take your notebook.

The student special.

Well, this is adult education,
aunt bee.

I don't I'm gon' need
a notebook.

Well, you'd better
be prepared.

Now what we need
is a pencil.

Oh, you can have mine, pa.

It certainly is chewed up.

Oh, those aren't my teeth Mark,
they're Howie forman's.

Oh, well, that's sharing.

What are you gonna study
at school, pa?

American history.

That should be
very interesting.

Didn't they teach American
history when you were in school?

Of course they did!

What'd you do,
flunk it or something?

Well, no!

This is adult education,

more of the effects
that history had

on civilization,
things like that.

Well, come on, Andy.

On your first night,
you don't want to be tardy.

Oh, hello, goober.
Come right in.

Hi, goob.

Ready to go to school?

Want to walk over together?

Why not?

Why, goober,
I didn't know you were

interested
in these courses.

Well, I just figured
everybody

could stand a little more
education,

no matter whosoever he is.

He can always
be too stupid,

but he can't never
be too smart.

Did you already
get a book, goober?

Yeah, so to be prepared.

I've already been
reading on it.

Oh, good,
well, wanna go?

Yeah.

Hey, pa.

I just wondered,

who's gonna sign
your report card?

Me or aunt bee?

Ah.

Oh!

Okay, everybody,
let's start.

Would you all
take seats, please?

I believe everybody
who's registered is here.

I'm not here
as a history teacher.

I'm merely your moderator

and my function will be
to keep our discussions

in the proper channels

and contribute where I can.

Now, you will be able to judge

from the material before you

that we won't dwell as much
on dates and names

as we will on the circumstances
and events

which molded our history

the philosophy and the thinking
that shaped our nation.

Uh, uh, excuse me, bill.

I sort of kind of like to be
exact about things.

Just where are we going to begin
our study of American history?

That's a good question.

Oh... thank you.

It seems to me...

I'll tell you when
American history began:

When the pilgrims stepped
on that wet rock.

There's your start right there.

But they came from england.

Yes, that's where
it really started.

Before .

Yes, goober.

I just thought
I'd say something.

Fine.

Well, like they said...

Yes, goober?

Seems to me like it kind
of started... way back.

You know--
a long time ago.

Yes.

Well, somebody else?

Uh, of course
there were settlers

before the pilgrims--
captain John Smith.

Yes, I was about
to mention that.

Oh, I was wondering.

Did the pilgrims and John Smith

come over for the same reason?

Pretty much, I'd say--
religious freedom.

Outside of the adventurers,

I think that's why
most people came here

during the th century.

They weren't all English.

True. There were
many different nationalities.

People who settled Virginia
were quite different

from the settlers
in new england.

Oh, they was different,
all right.

Oh?

How would you say
they were different, goober?

Well... some of them
lived up in Virginia and...

S-Some of them lived
somewheres else.

Well,
here you are, goob.

Thanks, Andy.

It's a shame
your hunting trip came up

just when classes
were starting.

Well, it don't make
no difference.

I don't fit
in too good.

Aw, of course
you do, goob.

It just takes
a little getting used to.

No.

When it comes to things
like history and stuff

I can't seem to talk up.

I had things to say
about them pilgrims

but I couldn't get it out.

That just takes confidence,
goober. That'll come.

I don't think so.

You ought to give it
one more try when you get back.

I better not.

Well, I'll see you
in about three weeks.

So long.
Okay.

Hey.

Maybe I'll bring you a bear.

Thanks, goob.

Hi, Floyd.

Can I get a haircut?

Uh, make it
tomorrow, Howard.

I'm running over some stuff
here for tonight's class.

Oh, sure, sure.

I've been doing a little
reading up myself

on Charles
coatesworth pinkney.

A great patriot!

Pinkney, eh?

"Millions for defense..."

He said that?

"But not one cent
for tribute."

Ran out of cash, did he?

Hi, fellas.

Oh, hi, Andy.
Hi.

Anybody seen goober?

He's supposed
to be back today.

I saw his truck
go by a while ago.

He should be back 'cause
he took the truck with him.

No, a fellow with a beard
was driving it.

Nobody I ever saw before.

Maybe he loaned it out.

I'll go to the filling station
and see if he's back.

Something wrong
with your finger?

Charles coatesworth pinkney.

Oh.

Millions for
defense, huh?

Yeah.

He must have had something
going for him on the side.

Hey, goober!

Andy?!

Yeah! You back?

Hey, Andy.

Is that you?

Well, yeah,
it's me all right.

How about that.

I forgot to take
my razor.

Yeah. You know something?

You look different.

What do you mean?

I don't know.

That kind of does
something for you

like you're a deep
thinker or something.

Well, it's coming off.

I'm going to get Floyd
to shave it.

Yeah. Hey, how
was the trip?

I had a fine time.

Good, good.
Well, I got to get back.

I just thought i'd
see if you was back.

Okay.

Good to see you.

Yeah, you really
look different, goob--

the thinker.

Aunt bee.

Goober?

Well, for goodness sakes.

I forgot to take
my razor on the trip.

Well, you know, I like it.

You know, it makes you look
like a scientist

or ambassador or something.

Aw...

You look like
a Beau I used to have.

He wore a beard.

You know,
it was a strange thing.

He had brown hair and blue eyes

and his beard came out red.

He was just a riot of color.

Yeah.

Well, I got to be going
in the barber shop.

You know,
it's very flattering, goober.

Thank you.

Even a philosopher.

Well, hey, Floyd.

Something I can do
for you, sir?

Goober!

I forgot to
take my razor.

Oh, I'll be!

We haven't had a beard
in this town for ten years.

Turn your head.

Son, you grow a nice beard.

Well, I come down to get
you to shave it off.

Shave it off?!

Never.

Shape it, maybe,

comb it, but shave it?

Never!

I'll never be
a party to that.

Oh, it's magnificent.

It is?

Makes you look real brainy.

You know you're the third person
that's told me that.

You really look different--
a thinker.

Even a philosopher.

Real brainy...
Brainy... brainy...

A masterpiece!

Well, you look like
a different man, goober.

Changed.

A man don't change, Floyd.

A man's himself,
and if he's himself,

how can he change?

Oh! You said something
deep then, goober

real deep.

I never had a beard
trimmed before, Floyd.

How much I owe you?

Oh, please.

Don't insult me.

Well, you got a free
radiator flush coming

anytime you need it.

I think it's remarkable.

That beard
makes you look like

you were thinking
about something.

I was.

I was thinking that all
of us have a lot in us

that we don't let come out

and I've had this beard
inside of me a long time

and I was
holding it back.

Oh-oh!
Another deep one.

Hey, Floyd.

Hey, you kept it on.

Yeah?

Hey, that's
really something.

You did a fine
job, Floyd.

Thank you, Andy.

Oh, yeah.

That's as good-lookin'
a beard as I ever saw.

I feel like I was
born with it on.

Yeah, well, I'll tell
you one thing...

Uh, hold it, Andy.

I'm not through.

You've got to let him
finish his thoughts

'cause he's got
some zingers.

It seems like the me
that is really me

and was being held back
by the I that I am

is coming out
all over my face.

See what I told you?

You wouldn't want
to have missed that.

No.

Andy,
what are they talking about

in our discussion group tonight?

Oh, I think it's
the Monroe doctrine.

Well, I might just go home
and study up on that a little.

You know, the Monroe doctrine

is one of the most important
doctrines in American history

and the only way to discuss it
is intelligently.

That's got to
be brung out.

Amazing!

Only this morning

he didn't know which side
to butter his bread on.

A few hours later,
he's a genius.

It could only happen
in America.

I wonder, in reading over
this material,

did you realize the tremendous
impact it had on the world?

It was the first time we
told the European nations

to stay out of our backyard.

And we were prepared
to enforce it.

Absolutely.

Sorry I'm late, folks.

Hey, a beard.

Yep.

It's very becoming,
goober.

Thanks, Helen.

Well, I did
the groundwork on it.

I've been doing
a lot of studying.

Fine, fine.

Writ a lot of
things down.

Good.

Uh, we're talking
about the Monroe doctrine.

Now, here we were--
a young nation

without much of an army
or a Navy--

and we said to these
powerful European nations

"stay out of our hemisphere."

Now, in view of this,
why do you think

the Monroe doctrine
was so effective?

Uh, bill...

Goober?

The way I see it is...
The United States was new

and Europe,
across the water, was old...

And the United States was little

and Europe was big.

You all remember shorty Watson--
had the grocery store?

He was the shortest one
of all them watsons?

Just a minute, goober,
I don't see...

Howard...

Well, once,
me and some other "fellers"

went fishing with shorty
up around troublesome creek.

Little old shorty's like
the United States was

before the
Monroe doctrine.

The rest of them "fellers"

were like them
powerful European countries.

Because shorty was small,
he had to be on the tough side

so them other "fellers"

wouldn't be taking
advantage of him.

So when the united
states of America

got to be like shorty

they must've decided
to be tough, too

and that's when they went
and writ the Monroe doctrine.

...and the important thing is

that when these folks
here in Hawaii

thought they had
a big enough country--

even though they wasn't exactly
in our hemisphere--

they decided they wanted
to become the th state.

Are you with me
on that, bill?

Right with you.

And this other country
up here, by the name of Alaska

said they wanted
to become a state, too.

Of course, they was
in our hemisphere

and the way I figure it,
they should've got the nod first

but that weren't
the way it worked out.

...and when the apaches
come back

the settlers was all
behind some rocks

and they was ready for 'em.

There was men,
women and children.

I believe I have
to go, too.

I've got an early day.

I'll tell you
the rest next week.

Oh, good, good.

I sure enjoy
studying history this way

listening to all
the different opinions.

I met him on the street,
and he went on and on and on.

Oh, I know-- he hasn't
stopped talking

since he walked
out of the barber shop.

About everything--

politics, the
space race...

And how to tell

when a watermelon is ripe.

Mmm.

I went over to the gas station
to get some air in my tire

and I just asked him
how come he grew a beard.

What'd he tell you?

Well...

It was kind of confusing...

But I know it had something
to do with the Monroe doctrine.

I'm telling you
it's a problem.

Before, he didn't have
enough confidence

and now he's got too much.

I never thought
I'd see the day

when I was scared
to meet goober on the street.

Me, too.

And somehow, it's
very hard

to interrupt
a man with a beard.

Hey, Helen...

Boy, almost
didn't see you.

Ah.
Funny thing, did
you ever notice

how much a person sees out
of the corners of their eyes?

Well, no, I... oh, yes,
I know all about it.

I've been reading up

on the declaration
of independence

and I've got a lot
of "idears" on it

and I'd be happy to...

That-that's just
a pity, goober

because... well,
I'm skipping

the declaration
of independence

and talk about skipping,
I've got to run now. Bye.

Hey, bill...

Oh, hello, goober.

Say, bill, you
know something?

Sorry, goober, i-I've got
to be running. See you.

Hey, Andy.

You asleep, Andy?

Hey, Andy, just passing by.

Thought I'd drop in.

Oh. Yeah.

Nice day out.

Yeah, boy.
Know why it's
a nice day?

Uh, no.
I'll tell you why.

'Cause you're
feeling good.
Yeah, well...

My theory is, we all
carry our weather
inside of our body.

Some people, the sun
could be shining

you can tell it's
raining inside of 'em.

Yeah, you can see
it's raining.

That's philosophy.

I can give you something else
to think about.

Yeah, good, good.

Hey, hey, Howard, Howard...

Goober's got a very
interesting theory
on the weather.

Tell him about
it, goob.

You ever heard
the expression,

a person has
a sunny disposition?

I want to tell you, we carry
our weather in our body.

Floyd, something's got
to be done about goober.

He's about to drive me
and everybody else crazy.

Big problem, big problem.

You better know
it's a big problem.

You're going to have to talk
to him and straighten him out.

Why me, Andy?

Because you're
his best friend.

I thought you were
his best friend.

You started the whole thing.

You're the one
that called him a thinker.

You wouldn't let him
shave his beard off.

You trimmed it--
don't try to deny it.

I don't care what you say.

You're his best friend,
so you tell him.

It's not easy to tell your
best friend he's a blabbermouth.

I don't care.
You've got to tell him.

Well...

Promise me you'll tell him.

Uh... all right, I'll tell him!

As a service to the community.

Now, you've got
to take care of it, Floyd.

Don't give it
another thought.

One time, you was a seed.

Floyd, you know
what I was thinking about?

I'm not interested
right now!

Just pull up a chair
and sit down.

I want to talk to you.

Oh?
Yeah.

Just open up your ears
and listen to me.

All right.

Now, goober,
there comes a time

when a friend has to
tell a friend something.

You follow me?
Yeah.

Tell him for his own good.

If a friend can't tell
a friend something

then nobody can
tell him nothing.

'Cause when a friend
talks to you

you don't listen
with your ears

you listen with your heart.

Well, what I wanted
to say to you...

Well, listen...

Oh... what a lovely thought.

It just come to me.

Had a nice ring to it.

Something else it brings
to mind about friends --

that even sometimes

these great philosophers
can be wrong.

They can?

Mm-hmm.

A man's best friend
is not his dog.

It's people.

Ooh, you really get
to the meat of things, goober.

Go on.
'Course, I still love dogs.

Oh, I know, I know.

I never heard you say
an unkind word about anybody,

man nor beast.

That's what I like
about you, Floyd.

You're understandin'.

Pal.

Oh...

All settled.

What's that, Andy?

You know, what we was,
uh, talking...

Oh.

Andy, did you ever
stop to think

that people need friends

just like they need
air for breathing?

Now, a lot of your great
philosophers tell us

that man's best friend
is his dog.

That's not necessarily true.

Course, I've got
nothing against dogs,

but a man's best friend
has got to be people.

Goober, will you
stop talking!

You're about to drive
me out of my mind!

What?

Well, ever since you grew
that beard

you've been going on
and on and on

and talking and talking,
like you knew

everything
in the world.

I've been a
lot of places

I've seen a
lot of people

and I've never
seen anybody that
knows everything.

And-and you've got
people avoiding you.

Haven't you noticed

people are trying
to hide from you?

Goober, you think
that beard gives you confidence

but it doesn't.

Confidence is something
that's... that's on the inside.

Remember, like you told
me about the weather.

And it doesn't hurt
to listen once in a while.

I'm sorry, goober.

Of course the industrial
revolution started in england.

But the main inventions
came from America.

Right.

Yeah! Eli Whitney,
Robert fulton...

And Benjamin
Franklin.

Yes, but if you'll
just read in...

Look, look...

Now, we can't
get anywhere

if we're all
talking at once.

Yes, Helen?
It's not important
where it started.

We're interested in the
effect on the economy.

Of course. It changed it.

Prior to that, the economy
was based on agriculture.

Yes, goober?

Oh... well, uh...

There was one thing I read
about the industrial revolution.

Because of all the machinery
they were using

it throwed a lot of people
out of work

but it made better goods

and our nation became
more rich than it was

and... and believe it or not...

That's all I got to say.

Well, Andy, how's
your schoolwork coming,

now that everything's
all straightened out?

Oh, schoolwork
comin' along fine.

Good.

What are you up to, pa?

What do you mean,
what am I up to?

What are you up to
in history?

Oh, we're past
the th century.

Then you're finished
with the American revolution.

Oh, yes.

Articles of confederation
and everything.

Sure, finished, yeah.

What did you think
of 'em?

What did I think
of what?

Articles of confederation.

Oh, I thought
they was good.

Did you learn
the reasons for 'em?

Sure.

What about the causes
of the revolution?

Did you study that?

Oh, oh, mm, yeah, yeah.

Do you know why england
put on the stamp act?

Mm-hmm.
Why?

Because.

See, ope, we study

more than the whys
and the wherefores

and names and dates
and things like that.

We go for a deeper meaning.

A root, a philosophy of why
things happened when they did.

You know what I mean?

I don't think so, pa.

Well, what I mean is,
you better study

real hard
while you're young.

'Cause it's hard to learn
anything when you get older.