07x10 - Opie Finds a Baby

[bunniefuu]

Don't eat so fast.
You'll get indigestion.

Well, Arnold will be
here any minute.

How does Arnold like
Mayberry, Opie?

Oh, fine.

Oh, Opie,
turn that thing off.

I'm just trying
to find out

what the weather
is going to be.

Shh! Keep your voice down.
You'll wake your father.

Okay.

I don't see why it's
always so important

to start so early
when you go fishing.

Because that's the best
time to catch them,

when they come up
to eat.

Well, I'm sure some fish
must eat later than this.

Well, maybe.

What's happening?

Andy, I'm so sorry we woke you.
Opie's going fishing.

Morning, paw.

Yeah.

Did you sleep well?

Good morning.
Are you ready, Opie?

Yeah.

You know, when I grow up,
I'm going to be

a sheriff,
just like you.

Good.

And I'm not going to
carry a g*n either.

Good.

I'll carry
an Australian bullwhip

and, when I want
to capture a bad man,

I'll twist the whip
around him

and drag him to jail.

Then I'll lock him up
and swallow the key.

Good.

Arnold, I think
we'd better go now.

Bye, everybody!

Don't be too late, Opie!

I won't!

What's the matter, Andy?

Don't you think :
in the morning

is a little early
for Arnold?

Boy, I sure hope we catch
something today.

Oh, we will.
I always catch something.

Last time I went fishing
with my pop,

I almost caught a shark.

A shark

yeah.
Right in Hopkins creek.

He must have been
this long.

Teeth like that,
and he snarled.

Arnold, there are
no sharks here.

You only find sharks
in the ocean.

Sometimes they get lost.

I read a book once,
all about sharks.

Hey, where you going?

Hey, Arnold, look.

It's a baby.

A baby boy.

How do you know it's a boy?

It's got a blue blanket.

Oh.

What does it say?

"Please take care
of my baby."

Somebody deserted him.

I better take him
home to my paw.

No, you can't
do that, Opie.

Why not?

Your paw
would have to send him

to an orphan asylum.

Do you know what
an orphan asylum is like?

No.

I do.

I read all about 'em
in a book once.

The name of it
was Oliver twist,

and he was in
an orphan asylum

and he got treated real bad.

He did?

Yeah. They didn't give him

anything but
bread and water.

They had bars on the windows.

Oh, Arnold...
It's true.

Well, I don't believe orphanages
are like that today.

Besides, they'll probably
give him to some people.

How do you know
they'd be nice people?

They might be bad.

Well, they wouldn't
give him to bad people.

They might,
and that'd be awful

for a little baby like this.

You mean we ought
to try to find him

a home in Mayberry?

Yeah.
Nice people that we know.

I don't know.

Come on, Opie.
We've got to try.

Well... we can try,
but if we don't find somebody,

then I'm going
to have to tell my paw.

We'll find somebody.

Where are we going to keep
him, in the meantime?

Well, we could...

Hey! How about
the clubhouse?

My paw would see us
carry him in.

Yeah.

You wait here.

I have an idea.

Mmm.

Feel better?

Yeah.

Looks like a
nice morning.

They didn't go fishing.

What?

No. They just went
in the clubhouse

with a market basket.

Well, that's peculiar.

Hmm.

Hey, uh...

What's, uh...

What's going on?

Uh, we decided
not to go fishing.

We're going to have
a secret meeting instead.

Well, didn't this
come from foley's?

We're going to take it back.

We had to bring
some secret stuff

for the meeting.

What'd you have in there?
Blankets?

Uh, yeah. Um...

They're
electronically controlled

and throw off
a radioactive poison gas.

If anyone tries
to enter the secret meeting,

pfft! They're dead.

Well, I wouldn't want
to get tangled up

with a thing like that.

If it's all right with you

I'll just turn on
my invisible ray

and go back in the house, okay?

Yeah, yeah.

It's a good thing his mother
left this bottle of milk.

What are you
doing that for?

You have to.

My mother always did it
with my little brother.

Here we go.

Mmm.

Boy, he sure is hungry.

Yeah.

Look.

His mother
left these, too.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Arnold.

What?

Who's gonna do...

You-know-what
when it has to be done?

Yeah. We better find
a home for him in a hurry.

I'm going to go out and start
asking people

right now.

And it better be somebody
who's rich.

I read in a book once

that from the time
a baby is born

until he goes
through college

it costs $ , !

Gee!

If he wants to be

a doctor, it's even more.

Well, you stay here,
and I'll ask around.

And don't let anybody know
we have the baby

until they say yes.

Otherwise,
they'll tell your father.

And if you
don't find anybody,

then I'll try.

Okay.

Come here, baby.

Opie.

Hi, miss crump.

Well, what can I
do for you, Opie?

Well, I was
just passing by.

Well, I'm so glad
you stopped by.

Babies are nice, aren't they?

Well, yes, very nice.

Do you like babies, miss crump?

Yes, I like them.

They cost $ , .

What?

I just thought

you might want
to know.

Opie, I'm not quite sure I know
what you're talking about.

Would you like to have
a baby, miss crump?

What kind of question
is that, Opie?!

Well, would you?

Uh...

Well, uh...

When I get married

yes, certainly
I'd like to have a baby.

Would you like to have one
before you're married?

Opie, you just better
run along!

I'm not finished yet.

I have things to do.

But...

Okay.

Bye.

A baby?

Yeah. Wouldn't you like
to have one?

Gosh, I never give
it much thought, Arnold.

Well, don't you
like babies?

Well, sure,
I love babies.

I mean, they're
cute, and all that.

You know all about babies,
don't you?

Look, Arnold, i'd
rather not discuss it.

I've got a lot of work
to do around here.

Would you like to know

how you could get a baby,
goober?

Arnold, I think
you better go home.

If you want one,
I can tell you...

Arnold, I said go home.

Oh, h-hello, Andy.

Hi.

Something the matter?

Andy, Opie's been
over to Helen's,

and do you know what
he was talking about?

What?

What?!

That's right, Andy.

Well, uh...

Andy, I got to talk
to you right away.

Hey, aunt bee.
Hey, Helen.

What is it, goob?

Well... uh...

I don't know if I
ought to talk about
this in front of...

Ladies. I...

Well, what is it, goob?

Well, it's about Opie and
that friend of his, Arnold.

Did Opie come over there

and talk to you,
too, goober?

No, but that Arnold did.

I don't think Opie ought
to be playing with that boy.

Well, I know Arnold's
got an imagination.

This has got nothing
to do with imagination.

You wouldn't believe what
he was talking to me about.

Embarrassed me
something awful.

Was it about babies,
goober?

Yes.

Andy, this is why
they didn't go fishing.

They got on the subject,
and they came back

and started asking
people about it.

Andy, I think it's time
you did something about it

before they embarrass
a lot of other people.

"Did something"?

Yes.

It seems very clear.

Well...

What, what can I do?

Well, Andy,
it's obvious

that Opie's curiosity
has been aroused

just like every other
young boy his age

and Andy, it's time
that you, as his father

told him the
facts of life.

Me?!

Of course.

Who else but you?

That's the way.

I think he feels better now,
don't you?

Just had some
gas on his chest.

You can put him
back in the basket.

All right.

I still think I ought
to tell my paw about him.

You want him to end up
with bad people?

We can't keep him
here much longer,

and I don't know
where we'll find him a home.

We have to ask more people.

I don't want to do that.

Miss crump looked at me
real funny.

We got to think of the baby.

Pretty soon, I'm going to
have to tell my paw...

But I'll ask some more.

Andy, I wouldn't waste
no time telling him.

I won't, goob.

I'll tell him, but there's

a proper time and place
for everything.

I remember when daddy
told me about it

he used the birds and
the bees as an example.

Don't you think
that's a little outdated?

Of course, you could
always tell him

about the mackerel
swimming downstream.

That's salmon, goob,
and they swim upstream.

As long as he learns the
reason they're swimming.

I'll see you.

I'll take those,
aunt bee.

Thank you.

Lunch will be
ready very soon.

Good.

I think the boy
should be told these things

before he becomes curious.

I'll get to it, aunt bee,
I'll get to it.

Well, when?

When I think the time is right.

Well, when will that be?

Well, I don't see
any great rush.

Andy, do you want him to hear it

from strangers?

Well...

Andy!

Well, is there...
Is there any law

that says it has to
come from the father?

Andy...

I'm gonna do it.

I-I definitely
am gonna do it.

I'm glad
you stopped by, Lou.

:
I...

I wanted to have a little...
A little chat with you.

Oh, is Arnold acting up?

I know he was over
at your place today.

Oh, no. He's fine.

He's a good boy.

Yes, he is.

He's got a little
wild imagination.

Oh, that he has.

Yeah.

No, I-I just wanted
to ask you something.

Uh, you and
Arnold are-are pals...

I mean, buddies, aren't you?

Oh, I like
to think so, Andy.

Yeah, it's-it's a good way.

It's a good way, yeah.

How'd you tell him
the facts of life?

I didn't.

I was hoping you'd tell Opie

and then Arnold
could get it from him.

It's time.

Good. That lets me
off the hook.

Well, wait a minute.

Did you ever give it
any thought--

how to go about it
or anything?

Oh, yes.

Lots and lots of times,
but it-it just...

It just scares
the daylights out of me.

Well, it scares me, too.

Uh, I suppose the, uh,
the birds and the bees

would be a little
old-fashioned.

Oh, you can forget
about the animals.

What little I know

you got to put it
right on the line.

Right on the line, huh?

That's what they say--

no more fairy tales,
no storks, no doctors' bags.

Just right on the line?

Right on the line.

Well, I just wanted

to get your thoughts
on it, Lou.

Well, you got 'em.

I'll see you, Andy.

Thanks.

I'm very sorry, miss cripps.

It won't happen again.

Andy's planning
to have a talk with him.

Yes.

Yes. Good-bye.

Sarah, would you
get me Andy, please?

I know, Sarah.

We're going to take care of it.

Andy...

Andy, you have to talk
to Opie right away.

He's going all over town!

A half a dozen people
have called already!

All right.

All-all right,
just-just send him

over to the courthouse,
as soon as you see him.

All right.

Opie? Opie!

Yes, aunt bee?

Your father wants you
at the courthouse.

But aunt bee...
Right this minute.

Okay.

And when your father
speaks to you,

I want you to be
very alert.

My aunt bee says I got to
go down and see my father.

Do you think he knows
about the baby?

I don't know if he does,

but I'm going to
tell him, anyway.

Nobody wants him

and we can't take care
of him anymore.

Well, I got to go home.

Arnold.

But my mother
wants me.

You're going down there
with me!

It was your idea,
in the first place!

Arnold!

Okay.

We tried our best.

Come on.

Okay, you go in
and tell him,

while I stay outside
here with the baby.

Why don't we all
go in together?

The baby's been
cooped up all day.

It needs a lot
of fresh air.

I read that in a book.

Hi, paw.

Oh, hi, ope.

Hey, i'm-I'm glad
you stopped by.

I got... I got something I
want to talk with you about

while I got it
fresh on my mind.

Well, I got something
to talk to you about, too, paw.

Well, n-no, this is...
This is more important.

Uh, why don't we just,
uh, sit down over here?

Here, you-you sit right
there in the big chair.

I'll just take this one,
and, uh...

Now, um...

Ope, uh... when, uh

when you get together
with your...With your friends,

uh, do you ever talk
about, uh, girls?

What for?

Well, that's, uh...

That's, uh, what I wanted
to talk with you about, ope.

Um...as you probably know

there are, uh,
two, uh...Sexes--

male and female, right?

Right.

And, uh, these two sexes

get married
lots of times, right?

Right.

Right.

Now... now, we're getting
to the meat of, uh

what I want
to talk to you about.

Uh, see, uh, uh...

A man meets a woman...

And they start going together.

I mean, I mean,
you know

to movies and bowling
and things like that.

Yeah.

And...

Finally, they get

to where they-they
like one another real good

and they
get married.

Right.

And then they're, uh

they're living
in the s-same house.

I mean, right-right there
in the same house.

Um...

And the woman cooks
and the man goes to work.

Well, naturally,
this makes 'em pretty friendly.

Yes, paw.

Very friendly, I might say.

You mean this is
where you left him?

Well, I was driving
around here this morning.

I was desperate, I guess,
after the fight.

All right, I blew my top.

I'm sorry, but
let's just hope

that they took care
of him, all right?

Yeah.

Are you the sheriff?

That's right.

Look, my wife made
a terrible mistake.

We left our baby outside --
and we'd like him back.

A baby?

You found him,
didn't you?

I didn't find a baby.

I found him.

Where is he?
Where is he?

What are you
talking about?

We found him
when we were
going fishing.

I wanted to tell you.

We been trying to
find him a home.

Well, son,
where is he?

My friend Arnold's
got him. He's okay.

Why didn't you bring
him to me?

Well...we thought
they might send him

to a bad home.

I'll go get him.

I'll go
with you.
You stay here.

Go get the baby, ope.

You people seem awful
anxious to get the baby,

and this morning

you didn't seem to care
what happened to him.

Oh, sheriff, I
can't tell you

how badly I feel
about this.

It was a big mistake.

You better know
it was a big mistake.

The question in my mind

is whether you people could
make another big mistake.

What'd he say?

We got to take
the baby inside.

The parents are back.

They are?

Yeah, they came back
for him.

Aw...

I knew they would.

I read in a book once--
had a blue cover--

it was a story...

Arnold, will you
quit talking to me

about reading
in a book?

And I'll tell you
something else--

I know the sheriff's
department in mt. Pilot.

Now, I'm sorry as I can be

but I'm gonna have
to call them about this,

and if it ever happens again--
welfare department.

It'll never happen again.

Never.

It better not.

Oh... there.

Thanks, boys.

That's okay.

He already had
his : feeding.

Fine.

Thanks again...
All of you.

Thanks.

That's why all the talk
about babies.

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Trying to find a home
for that one.

We thought we were
doing the right thing.

Now you know better.

Yes, paw.

Yes, sir.

Can we go now?

Yeah.

Uh...

Ope, um...

Wait a minute.

Arnold, you
wait outside.

Uh...

Let's, uh, let's finish
what we started, ope.

See, uh...

When a man and woman
are in love,

they get married,

and pretty soon they want
to have a family, see?

So, they decide
to have a baby...

And it's
as simple as that.

Anything else
you'd like to know?

No, paw.

Oh.

Pardon me, I didn't mean

to interrupt anything.

You're not interrupting
a thing.

Ope was just leaving,
right, ope?

Thanks, paw.

That sure was
interesting.

Bye, miss crump.

Bye, Opie.

Hmm...

Did you tell him?

Yep.

How'd he take it?

I think he took it
pretty well

considering it was all
so new to him.

What took you so long?

Your paw bawl you out?

No. He sat me down
and gave me a talk

about the facts of life.

Did you tell him
you knew all about it?

No. I didn't want
to spoil it for him.

Yeah.

Well, it wasn't such
a problem, after all.

No, not once
I got started.

Matter of fact,
I was kind of

proud of myself,
the way I handled it.

Well, I'm glad.

Yeah, I handled it
with delicacy,

yet I didn't evade
the issue,

I just put it
right on the line.

Well, it's the only way,
and now he knows,

once and for all.

Yeah, that's right.

It was interesting,

to see his little
eyes open up,

as I was telling it
to him.

Well, of course.

He just hung
on every word.

Yeah, if I didn't know
before, I know it now.

A boy should get these
things from his father

and nobody else.

Absolutely.

I got a lot
of satisfaction

out of that.