07x03 - The Barbershop Quartet

[bunniefuu]

* beautiful isle
ahem.

* beautiful isle
of make-believe *

gee, paw,
why do you keep singing

that same thing
all the time?

I'm practicing.

* beautiful isle
of make-believe. *

how is the quartet
coming, Andy?

Fine.

Howard sprague's going to
sing high tenor for us.

He's got
a pretty good voice.

Ohh, he makes a very
nice appearance

and that's very important,

in front of an audience,
you know, neatness.

Yes, right.

How does Burt and Wally
feel about him?

Fine.

Of course, we're all
a little nervous, you know?

Why?

Because if we win
the contest,

this will be the third
year in a row

and we'll get to keep
the trophy permanently.

Oh, yeah.

You know, paw, us kids
got a quartet, too.

You have?

What part
do you take off?

What do you mean?
What do you sing --

you sing tenor, bass,
baritone

oh, we all take turns.

You do?

Sure. It doesn't make much
difference, anyway --

all our voices
are changing.

Oh.

Oh, I forgot to tell you --
we're going to practice

over here
tomorrow night.

Oh, fine.

Then I'll have the lemonade
and cookies all ready.

Good.

* beautiful isle
of make-believe *

it ain't like Howard
to be late for rehearsal.

Something's happened to him.
I can feel it!

He'll be here
in a little bit.

Think it would do any good
to give him another call?

I've called twice
and he isn't there.

His mother ought
to be home.

She'd know what
happened to him.

His mother's
in Raleigh, Burt.

Here you are.

You can have it
whenever you want it.

Thanks, aunt bee.
Howard isn't here yet.

Where is he?
I don't know.

Wouldn't you know?
Here it is nearly time

for the contest
and he's late.

Why don't we start
without him?

Howard's got
the pitch pipe.

We'll use the piano.

Besides, we can't
rehearse without a tenor.

Well, aunt bee's
not a tenor,

but she's got
a fine voice.

Thank you, Andy.

Women can't take
tenor parts.

They're sopranos.

What difference
does it make?

Why don't we start off
with "in the gloaming"

in case they want
an encore.

Here.
All right.

Come on.

Come on, Wally.

There's
your note, Wally.

* mi-mi

Burt.

* mi-mi-mi

aunt bee.

* mi-mi-mi

* in the gloaming

* oh, my darling

* when the lights are dim
and low... *

hold it.

Burt, you're off.

Well, something's
throwing me.

What's throwing
you, Burt?

Well, no offense,
Beatrice,

but you're
too squeaky.

Burt Wilkins,
I am not squeaky.

My voice may be
more bell-like

than you're accustomed to

but it's definitely
not squeaky.

Now don't get
upset, aunt bee...

Come in.

Oh, Howard. Good.

Golly, I'm sorry
I'm late.

Where you been?

I had to go to
the drugstore

to get some
throat spray.

Throat spray?

Oh, it's nothing
to be alarmed about.

Purely a precautionary
measure.

Precautionary
for what, Howard?

Well, I've had this
little tickling
in my throat.

Told you something
happened to him.

Oh, Howard, it isn't
going to affect
your voice, is it?

The contest is only
two days away.

Oh, I'm sure it won't.

It won't affect
my voice at all.

Sounds like
it already has.

You want to sing
just a little bit

of "in the gloaming,"
Howard?

* mm

* in the gloaming

* oh...

It's just
a little tickle.

Gee, that just sounds
awful, Howard.

It's just
a little tickle.

It might tickle
you, but it ain't
funny to me.

Me neither.

You know, if you
take my advice

Howard shouldn't practice.

He should go home
and take care of that throat.

That might be
the best idea.

And keep your
throat warm.

Wrap something
around it.

Get yourself
a beaver pelt.

Best thing
in the world
for warmth.

But I'm quite positive

there's nothing basically
wrong with my throat.

Don't worry,
it will be good as new

in the morning,
you'll see.

Hey, Sarah. Sarah, ring
Howard sprague's office.

I don't know.
I don't know, Sarah.

Well, that's
what I'm calling for.

Well, chicken soup doesn't cure
everything, Sarah.

Hey, sheriff.

What?

How about time off
for good behavior?

You should have
thought of that

before you went around
picking pockets.

I can't stand being
cooped up like this.

Hush.

No, no.

Well, try his house.

I've given you five days
for fighting

and ten days
for stealing chickens

and now you're picking pockets.

You'll just stay there

till you learn
to act like somebody.

Why don't you get a job
and go to work?

It's not hard.

You think stealing is easy?

Not there, Sarah, huh?

Well, thank you.

Well, how about it,
sheriff?

Do I get time off
for good behavior or not?

Let me see some.

Coming.

Hi.

Why didn't you
answer the phone?

:
Well, I guess

I didn't hear it
with this towel on.

You sound awful.

I'm not at my best.

Did you see the doctor?

Well, I was
thinking of it.

Well, get your
britches on.

Maybe he'll give you
a shot of penicillin.

I'm allergic
to penicillin.

He's out, I tell you,
he's just out.

What are you going
to do, Andy?

What are you
going to do?

I don't know, Floyd.

No chance
of him improving?

Not in time.

What are you going
to do, Andy?

I don't know,
Floyd.

The doctor said
it would take him a week

to get his voice
back to normal.

Of all the breaks.

What are you going
to do, Andy?

I don't know,
Floyd!

You don't
have to yell.

I'm sorry.

Go across the street
and get Burt

and tell him to come over
to the courthouse.

We got to get a tenor,
right away.

Right, right, right.

Well, here you are, Jeff.

Hey, sheriff,
how about time off

for good behavior, huh?

Will you stop worrying
me to death

about time off?
Eat.

Hey, fried chicken,
mashed potatoes and gravy.

At least
the food's good.

Yeah.

Hey, they forgot
to give me a knife.

Why don't you use
the one you've got?

What one do I have?

The one you stole
from your breakfast tray.

Why don't you quit trying
to break out of here?

It would take you years.

You can't blame a guy
for trying.

I wish you'd try
something worthwhile.

A young fella like yourself
could turn over a new leaf.

Get yourself
a job.

Please, sheriff, no lectures
on an empty stomach, huh?

You'll have a lot
of empty stomachs

if you don't straighten out.

Have you got any salt?

Oh, Andy.

I'll be with you
in a minute, Floyd.

Come on in, sit down.

Did you figure out
what to do yet?

No, Floyd.

You got
any pepper?

I'm not running a hotel

and you're not doing
the county any big favor

by being here.

Eat!

Are you sure he might
not be well in time?

I'm sure, Floyd.

Oh, that Howard.

Getting a sore throat
at a time like this.

He has no sense
of loyalty.

Did he try
the beaver pelt?

He's out, Burt.
He's just out.

The man's got
no voice.

Now, we're going
to have to find

another tenor
that knows

"beautiful isle
of make-believe"

and "in the gloaming."

I can't think of anybody
who could do the job.

We know all
the tenors in town.

None of them's
good enough.

We just think
we know them all.

There's got
to be somebody.

If we don't find one, we'll
wind up not going to mt. Pilot.

I know who
we can get.

A great tenor.

Fred Callahan.

Fred Callahan's
passed away.

Oh, that's right.

But he was
a great tenor.

Cliff! Cliff pamaly!

He's got
a fine tenor.

Cliff's hard of hearing.

Don't affect
his voice none.

He has to sing so loud
to hear himself

he drowns out everybody else.

Maybe you could
stand him in the back

so you couldn't hear him.

No, Floyd.

Then just muffle
him a little bit.

No, Floyd.

Well, then stuff
a cloth in his mouth.

That's not funny, Floyd.

You know what would hurt?

You know what would really hurt?

What?

If we was to lose that trophy

to sheriff Wilson
over in mt. Pilot.

I ought not to say this,
but I will--

I don't like him.

He's got
a mean streak in him.

Well, I guess the only thing
we can do

is spread the word around

that we're holding auditions
for another tenor.

We don't have
much time

we'll have to hold them
in the courthouse.

All right, Andy

we'll spread
the word.

Yeah, we'll get
on the ball.

We'll see you, Andy.

:
* in the gloaming

* oh, my darling

* when the lights are
dim and low *

* la-da-de-da

* da-da-de-ee

* softly come

* and softly go.

:
* ...Magical isle of love.

Well, uh... uh...

I think we've, uh,
got the picture.

Right. Yeah.

Of course, I sound better
when I'm singing with a group.

Oh, well,
yeah, yeah.

I sure would like
to join you fellas.

What do you say?

Well, that would be...
That'd be good, Tom.

That'd be good,
except, uh...

For one thing,
you're too short.

Too short?

Well, we...
We kind of feel

that when the
guys are all

you know, about
the same height

why, their voices
blend better.

Oh. Yeah.
But we, uh...

We will talk
about it

and if we decide
that we can use you

why, we'll, you know,
we'll give you a call.

And thank you so
much for coming by.

Oh, glad to.
Right, Tom.

You can reach me
at the store, Andy.

Right, right. Thanks.

Well... anybody else?

No. He was the last.

Oh...

- Well...
- Of the crowd

I'd say Perry plummer
was the best.

Oh, no, no,
no, no.

My pick'd be bill Watkins.

Well, what do you...
What do you think, Burt?

Watkins or plummer?

I still think
there must be somebody else.

:
* in the gloaming,
oh, my darling... *

quiet in there.

We're trying to think.

Sing that again, son.

* in the gloaming,
oh, my darling *

* softly come

* and softly go.

No.

But, Andy, what a voice.

With a tenor like that,
we'd be a cinch to win.

The man's in jail
for committing a crime.

But you could let him out,
just for tomorrow night.

He'd try to escape.
Put him on his
good behavior.

He don't know about
good behavior.

But you got to do it,
Andy, it's our only chance!

I can't.

It's not legal,
it's not according to the law

and besides that, it...

It's just not right.

No.

But, Andy, they say
he's got a great voice.

I'm not letting him out
to sing with us, Floyd.

Now, if we don't
come up with somebody
by this afternoon

we'll just have to go
with Perry plummer.

Well, say somebody
left the cell door open.

You know, by mistake, you see.

Then Jeff could escape.

I'm not letting
him out, Floyd.

But it'd all be legal, Andy.

You'd capture him right away

and then when you're
driving back to jail

you could take
a little detour...

Say up to mt. Pilot.

I'm not letting
him out, Floyd.

Well... just a thought.

Hi, Andy. Floyd.

How you doing, Blake?

You over here
on official business?

No, just passing through
on my way to Bixby.

Had to stop and get some gas

and I heard
some very distressing news.

Came by to offer my condolences.

Oh?

Heard you lost your tenor.

Well, it was mighty
considerate of you, Blake,

to come out of your way
like this to console us.

Found another one yet?

We're working on it.

Well, I sure hope
you find a good one.

Oh, yes.

No, but I do.

Well you know
something, Andy?

We're going to beat you
this year

and I hate to beat a man
with a built-in excuse

like losing his tenor.

No matter what happens,

you won't hear me making
any excuses.

Oh, and don't feel too bad

about not bringing
that trophy home.

It's really too good
for Mayberry.

It belongs in a big town,
like mt. Pilot.

I promise not to try to escape
on my way to mt. Pilot...

I promise not to
try to escape on my
way to mt. Pilot...

While I'm in mt. Pilot...

While I'm in mt. Pilot...

On my way back
from mt. Pilot.

On my way back
from mt. Pilot.

I guess that does it.
I guess that...

You don't have
to say that part.

"To stage
and dressing rooms."

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh, isn't it exciting
to be backstage, Andy?

Oh, there's the cup.

Yeah.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?
Just beautiful.

I certainly wish I could be
a part of all of this.

Well, maybe next
year, Howard,
maybe next year.

Paw, will I be able to
sit in the front row?

We'll try.

Andy, Andy,
you better check us in.

Oh, yeah,
I'll be back.

Hi, Mr. Johnston.

Oh, sheriff Taylor,
nice seeing you again.

It's nice to be back.

Now, let's see, we have you
scheduled for : .

: -- that's two hours.

I always believe in saving
the best till the last.

Well...

And we have you assigned
to dressing room "f."

"F."

It's a little
on the small side.

I guess you'll have
to take turns in it.

Oh, that's all right.

Oh, and, sheriff, if you don't
mind getting dressed soon

we'd like to take
some pictures.

Oh... fine.

Oh, Andy, it is
beautiful, isn't it?

Paw, you going
to fix it

so we can have
that for keeps?

We'll try, huh?

We'll try.

Fellas, fellas...

I just want you to know

that even though
I won't be out there

on the stage with you
shoulder to shoulder

I'll be thinking of you
every minute of the time.

Good luck.

Give it all you got.

We'll try.

Oh, and Mr. Nelson,
I meant to tell you

I think it's awfully
nice of you to promise
sheriff Taylor

that you wouldn't
try to escape.

Well, you just give it
all you've got, hmm?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, there's no need
in getting too excited.

We don't go on
for two hours.

Two hours?
Two hours?

That's what
the man said.

But he wants us
to get dressed

'cause they want
to take a picture.

Oh, pictures...

Well, that's the way
it is when you're
a famous quartet.

Opie, Opie,
come on, come on.

Hurry up, Wally.

I'm coming.

You're going to change
next, aren't you, Jeff?

Yeah, I guess so.

Here. Uh, Andy, could
I hold those for you?

Well... well.

Yeah... that's it.

Oh.

Sheriff.

Sheriff.

Well, so you found yourself
a tenor.

Yeah, we found ourselves
a tenor.

Hey, haven't I seen you
someplace before?

Yeah, you might have.

You ever been
to New York?

Yeah, I've been
to New York.

Well, maybe you
saw him in the
metropolitan opera.

He's a real
famous singer.

Jeff's sure taking
a long time to change.

Yeah, he sure is.

Jeff?

Jeff?

Hi.

Hi.

I've seen you someplace.

Yeah?

And I seen you, too.

And I'll tell you where.

We was in jail together
over in Bixby.

Yeah.

Here, have some coffee, pal.

Thanks.

Where you headed?

I don't know.

Just got loose.

I was in jail over in Mayberry.

Mayberry?

Well, well...

Sheriff Taylor still over there?

Yeah.

Oh, he's a good guy.

I like him.

Yeah, he ain't a bad guy.

I'll say he
ain't a bad guy.

You know what it is
with sheriff Taylor?

What?

Well, you see,
the rest of these guys

they just toss you in
and you're nothing. Nothing.

Makes you feel
like dirt.

But with Taylor,
I don't know...

Treats you with
a little respect.

Makes you feel like
a regular guy.

Yep.

You know, every time
I've been in that Mayberry jail

I come walking out
kind of feeling... different.

Make you feel like...
You can be trusted.

Think I'll turn in.

Grab yourself a
piece of ground.

Yes, sir...

Next time I
get arrested

I'll try and
get arrested
over at Taylor's.

He's a good man.

Well, folks, that was
your mt. Pilot quartet.

No luck?

No luck.

There goes
the trophy.

Well, that's not
as important to me

as losing a prisoner.

Well, I guess I...

Where you been?

Well, sheriff, I...

Never sang before
a live audience before

so I guess I got
a case of cold feet

and took a little walk
to calm down?

You've all been waiting
for the Mayberry quartet.

But due to unforeseen
circumstances

they have had
to withdraw.

Uh, Mr. Johnston...

Uh, the unforeseen
circumstances have
been cleared up.

Would you stall them,
and I'll change.

Sure.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Stay with him,
just... right with him.

* mmm...

* beautiful isle
of make-believe *

* magical isle of love

* wonderful dreams
with their marvelous scenes *

* that seem like the heavens
so far up above *

* make-believe isle
with its treasures of gold *

* making come true
all my memories of old *

* beautiful isle
of make-believe *

* magical island of love

* beautiful island
of make-believe *

* magical island of...

* magical island of love.

Ladies and gentlemen...

It didn't take
the judges long

to decide on a winner.

The Mayberry quartet.

Sheriff Taylor...

Since you have won
this contest for three
consecutive years

it gives us great pleasure
to present this trophy

to you for your
permanent possession.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

We appreciate it.

How about that?