05x28 - The Arrest of the Fun Girls

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

What time should we pick you up

the show starts
at : .

If we don't want to rush...

Better make it : .

We ought to decide
where we're gonna eat.

You got any suggestions?

Any place is all right with me...

Where everybody else
wants to go.

How 'bout morelli's?

Fine, I love it.

Oh, I like that.

Aw, come on, ange,
you're kiddin'.

Not on Monday night.

The special is creamed chicken.

What's the matter with that?
It's good.

Well, I just don't happen
to like my main dish

concealed in a heavy sauce.

They're not trying
to conceal anything.

Say, how about
the roadside rest?

Oh, good idea. We haven't been
out there for a long time.

Barn?

Well, if everybody else
wants to.

Forget it.

Look, the coffee is extra

and they give you one roll
per person.

I just don't like to be taken,
that's all.

Well, why don't we go to...

No.

Go where?

Never mind, you
wouldn't like it.

How do you know?
I just know.

Let's hear it.
What's the point?

Say it.

The hofbrau over in mount pilot.

Wienerschnitzel?
Are you kiddin'?

All right, Barney,
where do you want to go?

Well, it doesn't matter to me.

Hey, hey, you know...

You know where
you get a good deal

on Monday night?

Where?

Well, that place...

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, we can't
go anywhere tonight.

Look at there.

We've got that conference call

from the highway department.

What?

Aw, I forgot all about that.

Aw... I'm sorry.

I'm afraid tonight's out.

Can't you call whoever
you're supposed to talk to?

No, it's a conference call

and the highway department

gonna call
all the sheriffs' offices

and they're gonna
call us at :

and we have to be here...

I wanted to see that picture.

I'm sorry, Thelma Lou,
it's business.

I know.

I'll make it up to you.

Pick you up later on tonight.

All right.

Hey, I tell you what we'll do.

We'll go to the diner,

grab a bite to eat,

and then you all go ahead
and go to the movies

and we'll meet you
afterwards, okay?

I guess it can't be helped.

Hmm, business.

You sure it's business?

Well, uh, no,
but it's the only excuse

I could think of.

Well, we'll pick you up
then along : ,

quarter to :
then, okay?

Bye-bye.

Bye.

We'll see you. Bye.

Oh, they're sweet girls,
you know it?

Nice of 'em to take it that way.

Yeah.

Listen, after the picture show

they're gonna wanna go dancin'.

Oh, yeah.

And I'll say I have a headache.

And you can drop me and
Thelma Lou off at her place

then you can go on
over to Helen's.

Oh, okay, yeah.

It's better than parkin'
down at the lake.

The four of us
sittin' in that car

never has worked out.

Yeah.

What in the world's that?

I don't know.

Who is that?

I don't know,
but they were doing .

Come on.

All right, ma'am,

let's see your driver's license.

Hello, doll.
Hiya, Bernie.

We haven't seen you
since the dance last year.

When you didn't
even take us home.

Have you missed me, Bernie?

Oh, sure. Of course,
I've been busy and...

Have you been busy, too, doll?

Well, yeah, I been...
I been busy.

You girls ought not to speed

through town like that.

We just did it for you.

I was sayin' to Daphne

"how can we pick up
on our cop friends?"

And then she said...

Why don't we let them
pick us up?

And that's what we did.

You are gonna give us
a ticket, huh

you remember my name, don't you?

D-a-p-h-n-e.

I live over in mount pilot.

My telephone number is...

I don't need the
phone number now.

All right, let's break it up.

Let's move on.

Barn...

Oh, isn't he just
the cutest cossack

you've ever seen?

Now, listen, you girls
were doing miles an hour

in a -mile zone.

Oh, aren't we terrible?

Yeah, take us to jail.

All right, let's break it up.

Don't you have
anything better to do

than block the sidewalk?

Move out of here!

Let's not make
a big thing out of this.

Here's what we do... we'd
better get 'em out of town fast.

Get 'em out of town.
Right. How?

Well, you ride with one

and I'll take the other
in the squad car

and we'll dump 'em
at the county line.

Dump 'em at the county line.

I was just going
to suggest that.

Don't leave us alone.

We're dangerous criminals.

But we don't want to go
back to mount pilot.

Particularly when we drove
all the way over here

just to see you.

Aren't you gonna
give us a ticket, huh?

Well, no, not this time.

Well, maybe you'll give it
to us the next time we see you.

When should we come back?

Uh...

Hey, Barn?
Hey, Barn?

I got an idea.

How 'bout next time
we go over to mount pilot,

we look the girls up

and we'll give 'em
a ticket then, huh?

Right.

Promise?

Yeah, I promise.

All right.

Bye-bye, doll.
See you soon.

Don't forget the ticket.

No, no, no.

Bye-bye.

Bye, Bernie.

You're such a doll, doll.

Bye, Bernie.

Yeah, bye.

You all right?

Yeah, fine.

Glad Thelma Lou didn't see that.

Yeah, Helen, too.

Good thing we got rid of 'em.

Be just like the last time
they was in town.

Yeah, Thelma Lou didn't
speak to me for ten days.

That's the closest
we ever came to breakin' up.

Yeah, well...
Well, it's over.

Uh, um, you wanna, um...

Right. Right.

Extend the -mile speed zone

as far as fancy gap.

Right.

And highway one stays the same.

Okay, we'll take care of that.

Right.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, Wes, I'll see ya.

Oh, Monroe?
You still on?

Well, listen, listen...

You send me a ham and I'll
send you some sourwood honey.

How's that?

Right.

Bye.

Get all that?

Yeah, sourwood honey.

No...

Yeah.

We better go and meet the girls.

That movie will be lettin' out.

This is no night
to keep 'em waitin'.

You'd better know it.

Come in.

Surprise!
Surprise!

What are you girls doin' back?

What is this?

We felt sorry for you boys
working tonight

so we thought we'd come over.

Yeah, we thought we'd come over

and brighten things up
for you a little.

We even brought our own music.

And food.

We're gonna have a picnic.

Oh...

But first, let's dance.

Oh, you're such
a wonderful dancer.

Relax, Bernie, relax.
I'll lead.

Girls...

We, we, we can't have a party.

We're workin'.

We're not leavin'.

I want to party.

Let's play jail.

Yeah, let's play jail.

Play jail.

Yeah, that'll be fun.
Come on.

Helen and Thelma Lou
are waitin' for us.

What are we gonna do?

Uh, leave 'em in there.

Leave 'em in there,
and you stay here with 'em.

I'll go meet the girls,
take 'em to eat,

then I'll take 'em home,
and come back

and we'll figure out
somethin' to do.

I'll tell Thelma Lou

that we picked up
a couple of prisoners

and you had to stay
here with 'em.

Okay, right, right.

I want my ukulele.

Well, give it to her.

Anything to keep her quiet.

Where you going, doll?

Uh, I've got
a little errand to run

and I'll be right back.

Don't be long, doll.

Oh, just a few minutes.

Now, listen,

keep 'em as quiet as you can

and I'll turn the lights out

and you keep 'em out.

Yeah, maybe they'll go
to sleep or somethin'.

Okay, good luck.

♪ We were sailing along
on moonlight bay... ♪

Well... have enough?

Plenty.

Good.

How did you happen to book
prisoners at night?

Uh... the, uh, the uh...
State police

handed 'em over to us
and... we just booked 'em.

What's the matter?

Nothing, I've just
never seen you

so ill at ease.

Oh, well...
Booking those prisoners...

And the state police
handed 'em over to us...

You said that.

Uh, if you've,
uh, had enough and...

Excuse me...

Andy, is that perfume?

No, no.

Uh, I was... oh, I was
over to the barber shop

and Floyd had some samples
and he, uh...

So, if you've had enough...

Poor Barney, having
to spend the night

at the courthouse.

Oh, I wouldn't worry
about Barney.

He's probably fast asleep
with the lights off

and everything.

What are you doing in here?

This just happens
to be my cell, Charlie.

Get him.

This is my cell

and I would appreciate it vastly

if you would move
to the next room.

You locked the door.

Oh... well,
I got two bunks.

Be my guest.

Are you trying to get fresh?

Barney, Barney, my cell
is filled with women.

Barney!

Help me, help me!

All right, now stop that.

Stop that.
Hold it!

Well, then if you've had enough.

What's your rush, Andy?

It's only : .

Oh, there's no hurry.
There's no hurry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Andy, I have never
seen you so nervous.

Oh, I'm not nervous.

It's the glass
was sittin' on the napkin

and I picked it up

and, well, I guess
they'll get that.

I'll just, uh, I'll just
get the check.

I just don't know what's
the matter with Andy tonight.

Why don't we go
by the courthouse

and see if the lights are on.

Barney might like
a sandwich or something

and we could keep both
of 'em company for a while.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Cheer 'em up.

No, there's no point
in going over there

because Barney...
He'll be asleep.

He goes to sleep the minute
he hits the sack.

Why, Andy, I don't see
any harm in just passing by.

Well, I guarantee you
the lights are gonna be out.

Oh, come on, Andy, just in case.

Yeah.

Now, I told you
I don't wanna dance.

There's a time and a
place for everything

and this just ain't it.

Now, will you quit
askin' me to dance?

Oh, you know what?

You changed.

You used to be fun-loving
Bernie, but you ain't anymore.

You're gettin' real square.

The only person around here
who wanted to have any fun

was that nice, chubby drunk

and you threw him out.

When I'm off duty,
I'm fun-lovin'.

When I'm on duty,

I'm Barney Fife, deputy sheriff.

And you know
what else you are, Bernie?

You're ungrateful.

This whole thing was planned

just to keep you
and your boyfriend company.

If I'd known it was gonna turn
out like this,

why, I could have stayed home

and worked on
my bathroom curtains.

Yeah.

Oh, come on, Bernie,
just one little dance.

No, now, I don't wanna dance.

Now, I'm gonna turn
this light off.

If you wanna stay,

you go right in that
cell and be quiet.

If not, go home and work
on your bathroom curtains.

This is fun, Bernie.

I want this light off,
and you stop that!

Yeah, skip,
you don't kiss a cop on duty.

There, you see?

The lights are out.

Well, let's go.

Oh, look.

I wonder if there's any trouble.

Come on.
No, no, no.

No. You...
You stay here.

It might be dangerous
if the prisoners got loose.

We ought to go do something.

No, no, no.
I'll go in. You stay here.

You stay here.

Now, you be sure
and stay right here.

Oh, doll!

I thought you'd never get back.

Uh, uh, well, listen...

Excuse us. Excuse us
just a minute.

Hey, Barn, listen...

Listen!
Oh, Andy, it's just been wild.

I had to throw Otis out of here

listen! And I haven't
been able to do anything

with those girls...

We have to do something fast.

Helen and Thelma Lou
are outside.

But the thing
is that... what?

Yes. Helen and Thelma Lou
are outside.

Now, we got to get
them girls out of here.

We'll take 'em out
the back. Fast, fast.

Let's dance.

Hey, listen, girls.

Listen, listen, we got to leave.

So, come on.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

One more dance.

No. No. No. No. No.

Andy.

You seem to be getting
a better class of prisoner.

Uh...

Well, Helen, this isn't...

This isn't what you think it is.

You poor boy...

Having to spend the night
standing guard.

Now, wait a minute, Thelma Lou.

Don't jump to conclusions.

You don't know what
we were doing here.

You don't know at all
what we were doing.

What were we doing, Andy?

Actually, we were
releasing some prisoners.

We were releasing
these prisoners.

Well, you're released.

Your methods are
very interesting.

Let's go, Thelma.

Helen!

Thelma Lou!

Pardon me for living.

Who are they anyway?

Who cares?
They're gone.

Let's have that dance now.

Girls, tell you what.

I'm gonna give you
seconds to get out of here.

What?

I've tried all day
to be nice about this thing

and that didn't work out at all,

so just go now.

Well, we were just trying
to have a little fun.

That's all the thanks you get

for trying to be nice
to a person

and we packed a picnic
basket and everything.

Please, just go.

Why, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself...

Making her cry like this.

I tried to tell you.

Oh, shut up.

Now, we're the ones...

Shut up, Bernie!

Please go. Just go.

Yeah, come on, hon, let's go.

You know what this proves,
don't you?

You just can't be nice
to people.

If...

Shut up, Bernie.
Just shut up.

Well...

It's been quite a night.

Mm-hmm.

So far we've lost
four girls and one drunk.

Well, I'll tell you
where you blew it, ange.

Where I blew it?

Yeah, letting Helen and
Thelma Lou come over here.

I didn't let 'em come.
They just came.

You shoulda done
everything possible

to keep 'em out of here.

If it'd have been me...

Oh, shut up, Bernie.
Just shut up.

It's quite all right, Andy.

We certainly have no hold
on each other.

If you want to break a date
with me, it's quite all right.

Now, Helen, we're
both sensible people.

Do you really believe

that I would break
a date with you

in order to have a party
in the jail with them?

Now, let me explain to you.

Well, now, if we're both
such sensible people,

why do you have
to explain to me at all?

Well, I'm sittin'
in the car with you

at : in the morning
doing something.

I don't know exactly what it is.

Now, won't you understand?

Oh, instant
understanding, Andy...

That makes our relationship
so wonderful...

And so dull.

How 'bout this?

How 'bout this?

How 'bout tonight
we... we start off fresh...

Try to get on the
same wavelength?

Barney's gonna try
to get Thelma Lou

to come over to the house.

You come.
We'll have a nice supper.

Afterwards, we'll have a talk.

Now, how does that sound to you?

Oh...

Fine, I guess.

Good. Good.

I'll pick you up
about : .

Look, thel, believe me

a thing like that
can happen to anybody.

We just couldn't get rid of 'em,

and that's the truth.

Didn't look like
you tried very hard...

That lipstick
all over your face.

Well, she forced herself on me.

If it was all so innocent,

why didn't you tell me
about it right away?

Well, I didn't think
you'd understand.

Why wouldn't I understand?

Well, because I...

Well, I'm the most
understanding person

in the whole world.

Oh, I know that.

And if you tell me something...

I'll believe it.

Okay, I'm telling you,
she forced herself on me.

That's a lie.

Look, thel,

I should have told you
right off, but I didn't.

And I'm sorry.

I apologize.

Can't we just forget about it?

You know I'm crazy about you.

You promise never
to tell me a lie again?

I promise.

And not ever to see
those girls again?

It's a deal.

Okay, you're forgiven.

Well?

How'd it go?

You know...

She was plenty salty,

but she finally forgive me.

Mm.

Mm.

I think I squeaked by.

Well... we'll get 'em over
at the house tonight.

We'll get a little
good food in 'em...

Put on a little soft music.

Maybe they'll be
a little easier to talk to, huh?

About what time?
: .

I'll come by and get you

and then we'll go get the girls.

You know,

this whole thing has just
been like a nightmare.

You better know it.

Ain't been
a bit pleasant, has it?

You know, I've been doing
a lot of thinking about it.

Yeah?

You want to know
something, ange?

What?

Our only crime is that
we're attractive to women.

Here we are.

Come on in.

Oh, hello, aunt bee.

Oh, hi, aunt bee.

The girls come over.

Andy...

Andy...andy...

What you been doing, drinkin'
cooking Sherry again?

Hi, doll.

Hi, Bernie.

We just came back
to tell you we're sorry

and we still wanna be friends.

And I'm still crazy
about you, Bernie.

Oh, uh, hel-Helen...

Helen... Helen, wait.

Thelma Lou!

Ah...

Well, what do we do now?

I don't know.

I think we've had it.

Ange?

Hmm?

Since it's Saturday night...

They are good dancers.

Well, what you've got
to say, Barn,

is that Helen and Thelma Lou are
both very understanding girls...

Girls you can talk to,
explain things to.

Yeah.

Yeah, that thel's a sweet girl.
She's crazy about me.

Did you see that?

Yeah, must have been doing .

Who was it?

I don't know.

Just saw the back of it...
Old jalopy.

Old jalopy?

Yeah, two women in it.

Two women?

Yeah, two women.

Actually, I don't think
they was doing .

Maybe .

Yeah, I'd say .

Actually closer to .

, .

Light traffic conditions anyway.

Yeah, dry streets.

What do we do if they come back?

Go inside?

I like the way you think.