05x25 - The Case of the Punch in the Nose

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Ange?
Huh?

Here's January
through may, .

Huh. Well,
throw it in the box.

What do you mean,
"throw it in the box"?

Aren't you keeping
those in order?

No, why should I?

Well, Andy, these
are government records.

They're just old, dead files.
They're gonna be setting

in the basement
of the firehouse.

Well, they're still
legal documents.

There's a proper way
to handle them,

and there's an improper way.

You're a neat fella,
aren't you, Barn?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am,

when it comes
to legal documents.

Or when it comes to anything
for that matter.

My mother was the same way.

Neatness counts.

Make order order of the day.

Hmm.

Well, you know what I'd do
if I was you?

What?
Put 'em in order.

I will.

Hey.
Hey, listen to this.

"September , ,
: P.M.,

"Otis Campbell booked
for intoxication

at the Mayberry garden club
flower show."

I don't see anything
so strange about that.

He's been stewed

at every important function
we've had in this town.

Yeah, but listen...

"Sentence suspended

because it was defendant's
first offense."

Let me see that.
Yeah.

Well, so this is where
it all started, huh?

Yeah, right there
at the flower show.

Probably passed out

in somebody's poppies
or something.

Boy, there's a lot of water gone
under the bridge since then.

Good bit of . , too.

I better keep this file open.

What's the name of that?

"Sinners lose all
their guilty stain."

Oh, yeah, yeah.

♪ ...Lose all

their guilty stains ♪

♪ Lose all their guilty stains

♪ lose all...

Ange? Their guilty ♪... what?

Here's one for you.
An as*ault case.

as*ault?
Yeah.

Who was involved?

You'd never guess
in a million years.

No, I... who?
Guess.

Oh, I can't guess.

Guess.
Uh...

Floyd Lawson and Charlie foley.

Floyd and old man foley?

Yeah.

You're kiddin'.
No.

Well, who assaulted who?

It just says
they was both arrested

on August , .

Well, I'll be dogged.

: A.M.

I can't imagine either one
assaultin' anybody.

Two of the gentlest
fellas I've ever known.

Well, this was...
Let's see...

That's years ago.

They could've been
a couple of hotheads

in them days.

Yeah.

How did the case come out?

Well, let's see...

Well, it don't say.

It don't say?

No, look at it.

It's just blank.

Case never came to trial.

Nothin' resolved,
no verdict, no nothin'.

Just says
the both of 'em was arrested

and that was the end of it.

I'll be dogged. Huh.

Well...

Couldn't have been
too important.

Just throw it away or file it.

Wait a minute.

You're just gonna pass it off
and forget about it?

Well, sure,
what do you want me to do?

Well, I don't know,
but we ought to do something.

Why? Because an
as*ault was committed.

An arrest was made
and nothing ever happened.

The case was never
properly disposed of.

Well, that was years ago.

Well, so what?

Whether it was years ago
or years ago,

it still behooves us to settle
it properly if we can.

Well, yeah, but this happened
before we ever took office.

This happened during
sheriff Poindexter's time.

That doesn't make
any difference.

The people involved
are still around.

And I think we at least ought
to try and see what happened.

Well, how you figure
on doin' that?

It's very simple.

I'll go to the principals
in the case.

Oh, no... I'll go to foley
and I'll go to Floyd.

No, but...
I'll talk to 'em.

I ought to do it right now.

You coming with me?

Uh... well...

You going to
the barbershop first?

Yeah.

Well...
I'll go with you.

I knew once you thought about it

you'd see it my way.

It's not because of that.

I need a haircut.

Oh, good mornin', Barney.

Mornin', Andy.

You see the paper this morning?

There's a little article.

"Robert gribble and Emma Lars

announce their
coming nuptials."

That's interesting.

The reason Andy
and me are here...

Ever see what's written

in the cement outside the shop?

No.

Go out and take a look.
You, too, Barney.

See what's written
in that cement.

We're not here
to look at cement.

What's out there?

It says, "Bobby gribble
hates Emma Lars."

Some kid wrote that years ago

when that sidewalk
was first laid.

No kiddin'.

Yeah, years ago

Bobby gribble hated Emma Lars.

Now they're announcing
their coming nuptials.

Uh...
Ain't life funny?

Floyd!

Can't you just see 'em
way back in school?

Him dunking her pigtails
in the inkwell

and hiding her pencils
and making fun and...

Oh, boy, she'll get even
with him now.

You can bet on that.

Floyd, there's something
we have to discuss here.

What's that, Barney?

August , .

Ah... Bobby gribble
and Emma Lars...

Yeah... can,
can I see that?

Oh, yes, yes...

Floyd, pay attention here.

Now, I'm talking about as*ault.

as*ault?

Yes, as*ault.

Were you or were you not
involved in an as*ault case

with Mr. Foley
on August , ?

I... yeah, seems to me

I do remember
something about that.

Ange...

Please.

All right, let's have it.

Get it off your chest.

How'd this come up, Andy?

We was goin' through some papers

at the courthouse

and this thing between you

and Mr. Foley came out.

What did it say?

It didn't say anything.

That's the whole point.

The case was never
properly settled.

And we want to
get it cleared up.

Oh, I see.

All right, let's have it.

Now, how about this case

between you and Mr. Foley?

I didn't even know

Bobby and Emma
were going together.

Oh, yes, he's been going...

Ever since he broke off
with Andrew beasley's girl.

What happened in this case

between you and Mr. Foley?

Well, actually,
Barney, uh, eh...

I don't remember.

You don't remember?!

How could you forget
a thing like that?

You were arrested, weren't you?

Arrested?

It's on the books.

Well, I don't re...

I don't remember being arrested.

You mean, me, arrested?

Like a common criminal?

Don't push him, Barney.

Floyd, I didn't
come in for this.

I come in to get a haircut.

Oh, all right...

Now, just a second.

I'm going to tell you something.

If you won't talk,
maybe foley will.

But you just remember this.

I gave you your chance.

Say, on your way out

take a look at that sidewalk.

See if it don't say

"Bobby gribble
hates Emma Lars."

...and now they're
announcing their nuptials.

Life's funny, you know that?

Isn't it?

Yeah, Barney,
that was quite a day.

Yeah, but you do remember,
though?

I remember some of it,
but not everything.

You said you were getting
a haircut

and you fell asleep.

I always fall asleep
when I get a haircut.

But that day, when I woke up

I found that he'd shaved me.

Yeah, but you never
asked for a shave, right?

Right, but Floyd was just
starting in business

and he wanted to
run up a little bill.

Yeah, I got you.

Anyway, when I protested,

one word led to another.

First thing you know

he punched me right in the nose.

What's funny about that?

Well, it wasn't really a punch.

Can you imagine Floyd
punching anybody?

It was more of a little boop.

Anyway, I guess he had the right

because I called him a crook.

Yeah, but he
punched you, though.

He punched you...
You're sure about that?

Oh, absolutely, and
goober in the garage

he was a little boy
then, was there

saw the whole thing.

Goober, huh.

Okay, Mr. Foley,
the case

is coming pretty clear now.

Just one more thing,
if you'll cooperate

I think we can wrap this up.

Aw, I wouldn't worry
about Barney, Floyd.

He gets a little excited

about things sometimes,
you know.

You know, I think his trouble is

he's not married.

Now, if he was married,

these little things
wouldn't bother him.

Oh, hey, here he comes.

Oh, Barn, everything all right?

Got the case all solved?

Could be, could be.

What you got there, Barney?

Interrogation of...

Charles foley, by deputy Fife

concerning as*ault case
of August , .

Subject Charles foley,
states that on day in question

he was in Floyd Lawson's
barbershop getting a haircut

and fell asleep.

Hey, yeah, that Charlie would...

Always falls asleep
in the chair.

Subject further states
that when he woke up

he had not only a haircut,
but a shave...

A shave he had not requested.

Wait a minute... that's not true.

When subject protested,
words were exchanged

and subject was punched
in the nose.

Well, who's "subject"?

Foley. Foley said I
punched him in the nose?

He did.
Aw, no, Barney,

that isn't the way it happened.

Now, he asked for that shave.

I remember that distinctly.

Oh, your memory's
coming back now, huh?

Well, good.

Besides, if he says

I punched him in the nose,

he's telling an outright fib.

You got a statement to make,
I'm ready to take it.

Barney, what are you doin'?

Now stop this.

No, no, no, please, no, no.

No, I just want
to say one thing.

Now, Charlie foley
is a nice person

but he's a cheapskate.

Now, you know that yourself.

Leave me out of this.

I mean, as many times

as you've gone in his store

has he ever offered you
a piece of fruit?

Not so fast,
I'm trying to get this down.

And his memory...
It never was too good.

I mean, if he says
I punched him.

Floyd, you want to
finish me, so I can go.

We're certainly getting two
completely different stories.

Well...
Well, mine's the right one.

Well, here we are, Barney.

Say, Charlie,
did you tell Barney

that cock-and-bull story
he wrote down there?

That was no cock-and-bull story.

That was the truth.

You mean, it was
the exact opposite.

It was not the exact opposite...

Yes, it was, Charlie.

Boys, boys...

Now, wait, wait a minute, boys,

boys, wait a minute.

Andy, just a second.

Now, the reason
I asked Mr. Foley

and goober to come over here

was so we could
reenact this case

just as it happened
years ago.

What do you want to do that for?

Well, look at the difference

in their stories.

I figured if we could

just go through the whole thing

step by step,
just as it happened

we could clear it up
once and for all,

get it off the books.

Now, is that agreed?

Well, I wish you'd
just finish me up

so I can get out.

Now, first thing we ought to do

is establish
where everybody was.

You have a piece of chalk?

Yeah, right on the shelf.

All right, we'll

start with you, goober.

Now this is important.

Where were you when
the argument began?

You mean, way back
that other time?

Yes, way back that other time.

I don't know, I was
just five years old.

All right, if you were
waitin' for a haircut...

You must've been sittin'

over there, right?

I reckon.
Okay, go, sit, sit.

All right, now.

You had a direct view
of the whole thing.

I was probably readin'
a comic book.

I always read a comic book
waitin' for a haircut.

All right, then,
take a comic book.

Can I have another?
I've read this.

Goober, this is just pretend.

It don't make any
difference if you read it.

But I read it twice.

There, now, all right.

Now, Mr. Foley,
as I understand it

you arrived at the barbershop,

came in through that door,
and went direct

to the barber chair.
Is that right?

Yes, I guess so.

Andy, would you mind gettin' up

and lettin'
Mr. Foley sit down?

Barney, I want you to stop this

and stop it right now.

What do you mean?

Rakin' up somethin'
happened years ago

and nobody cares.

I care, I should
think you would, too.

I don't understand
your attitude.

You're the sheriff.

You'd think you'd
be the one to care.

Wanna know the truth?

I don't even care some.

All I asked for was a haircut.

Ow! Ow! He hit me!

He hit me, Barney!

Andy, did you see it?!

No, I didn't see it.

Goober, you saw it.

No, I was readin'
this comic book.

Well, he did hit me!

And I want him arrested.

You see?
You see?

I want him arrested,
Andy, right now.

Mr. Foley, why in the world
did he hit you anyway?

Because he's a mean,
vicious person.

Look at my nose.
Is it bleedin'?

No. It probably broke
and it'll bleed later.

What did you say

to get him mad
enough to hit you?

I didn't say anything.

Maybe if you'd talk to him.

No, I won't talk to him again

until I get him
in a court of law!

Mr. Foley...

I've got him cold.
I got three witnesses.

Y'all saw the whole thing.

I didn't.

I was talkin' to Barney.

Barney and goober
must've seen it.

When they get on
the witness stand,

they'll have to tell the truth!

There they are.

Barney, tell the truth.

You saw him
hit me in cold blood.

No, I was talkin' to Andy.

Don't give me that!

Goober was there.

He probably seen
the whole thing.

How about it?

I didn't see nothin'.

I was readin' a comic book.

You're a liar.
I am not.

You saw him hit me on the nose.

Look at that nose.

Look like it's been hit.

I never seen ya get hit.

You're a liar.

I am not.
See what you started?

You're not tryin' to say
this is all my fault?

...for years!

Ooh! He hit me, Andy!

Right on the nose!

Hit me... ooh! Ooh!

It's bleedin'...

Hi, aunt bee, ope.

Hi, paw.

Hi, Andy.

What's for supper?

Well, you'll see.

What's that?
Oh, Andy,

that's a poultice

for Mr. Foley's nose.

It'll help take down
the inflammation.

Well, I ate some of it.

Well, it won't hurt you.

Oh.

You know all
about the fight, do you?

Yes, disgraceful.

Why'd Floyd hit him, paw?

Oh, that's a long story, ope.

Gee, every time
something good happens

you always say
it's a long story.

Opie, take this
to Mr. Foley

and tell him to put on
a thin layer at bedtime.

Okay, aunt bee.

You might have to make
one up for goober.

Foley punched him.

For heaven's sakes, what's
happening to this town, anyway?

Barney.

Barney!
Yeah.

Something happened years ago

and Barney stirred
the whole thing up

and now everybody's mad
all over again.

Well, why would he
do a thing like that?

'Cause he's a nut.

Mornin', Floyd.
Mornin', Andy.

Want me to finish your haircut?

No, Floyd, I just
wanted to talk to you.

What about?

What happened to your nose?

I got punched, Andy, punched.

Did foley do that?

No, wasn't foley.

Otis punched me.

Otis!
What for?

When he come in, we started
talking about foley.

And you know what?

He took foley's side

same as he did years ago.

And one word led to another
and... he punched me.

He's a distant kin
to foley, you know.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I'm thinking
about having him arrested!

You think I should, Andy?

When did this happen?

About ten minutes ago.

Boy, I still don't
understand how it happened.

I went into the garage
to get some gas

and nobody was around.

So I honked the horn
a couple of times

and then goober came
out of the office

and he hit me right in the nose.

Oh, I'm glad you're here, Andy.

Gilly's swearing out a warrant.

Let's go, gilly,
we'll talk later.

But you don't know
what it's about.

Yeah, I heard goober hit you.

We'll talk about it
some other time.

Well, did you ever hear
anything like that?

Wonder what got into him?

Barney.
Yes.

This thing has gone far enough

and I want it stopped right now.

Do you understand?

What do you mean, Andy?

You know what I mean.

Floyd and foley have got

this whole town
dividing into two camps

and we're going to wind up

with a full-scale w*r
on our hands

and I want it stopped.

Well, uh, see, Andy,
that's not our fault.

No, that's not our fault,
it's your fault.

You started the whole
blamed thing.

Are you serious?

You mean because I was trying

to get to the bottom of a case

because I was pursuing my duty
as a police officer?

I was trying to be neat...

Oh, shut up!

Hi, paw.

What happened to you?

I got in a fight at school

and miss crump sent me home.

I got to have a note
before I can get back in.

Who did you fight with?
Johnny Paul.

I thought Johnny Paul

was your best friend.

He ain't anymore.

He said somethin'
and I had to hit him.

What did he say?

Well, he said Floyd was a crook.

He said he charged
his uncle, Mr. Foley,

for a shave he never wanted.

And he said you're siding
with Floyd.

Get it!

Sheriff's office.

Yeah.
Hi, Otis.

What?!

Lamar tuttle?

Well, well, what...?
Just a minute.

What happened?

Otis got in an argument

with Lamar tuttle.

Lamar punched him in the nose.

Lamar tuttle?

Yeah, Lamar's Floyd's cousin.

This is it.

You go get Floyd
and Mr. Foley

and bring 'em in here.

I'll call you right back, Otis.

Well, hold your head back.

In just a few minutes,
I'll get Floyd...

Do it right now, and try
to do no more damage on the way.

Damage?!
What...?

Now!

Opie, go home,
get clean clothes,

come back, and I'll
give you a note.

Okay, paw.

H-Hello. Sheriff's office.

Well... what?
Betty Ann, Betty Ann,

talk a little slower.

I can't understand you.

Who punched you?

Now, I'll tell you why we're
having this little hearing.

We're having this hearing

so we can settle this thing
between you two fellows

once and for all.

How can you have a hearing

without your material witness...

Now, what started out as a
little, insignificant thing

has gotten blown up
all out of reason.

People are fighting
all over town

and some of 'em don't
even know one another.

Goober ought to be here.

I say, goober ought to be here.

You expect this hearing
to be official,

you ought to have
your material witness.

I ought to go get him.

Go get him.

I will.

Maybe it's a good thing
Barney left.

Maybe now we can settle
this thing like friends.

Friends, huh?

Do friends punch you
in the nose?

Do friends call you a crook?

Well, you are a crook!
What?!

Wait a minute.

Now, let's not start

the whole thing all over again.

You've both known one another
much too long

to talk to each other like that.

Now, I mean it.

You've been friends
for years.

More than friends.
You've been neighbors.

You must have seen one another

through a lot of trouble
in that time.

Now, you're not kids,
either one of you.

And you both know
the value of old friends.

And the first law of friendship
is to be ready to forgive.

I know you're both sore about
what happened yesterday.

But I don't believe
anything that's happened

couldn't be made right
by a warm, forgiving handshake.

Do you?

Well, do you?

You know, Charlie, that's
just about the same thing

that sheriff Poindexter
said to us years ago.

That's right, it was.

Well, what happened then?

Well... we shook hands,
didn't we, Charlie?

That's right.
We did.

And then I invited him over
for a free shave.

That's what happened.

Well, if it worked then

I don't see any reason
why it couldn't work now.

Does that mean I get
a free shave?

Oh, what did I tell you, Andy.

He's a nice fellow.

But he always was a cheapskate!

Well, I got him, here he is.

Hey, Andy.

Hey, goober.

Did you take a recess?

No, the case is closed.

The case is closed?

What do you mean?

Just what I said,
the case is closed.

What are you looking for?

The document.

What document?

The document
that closes the case.

Did they agree to drop charges?

Don't mess up the papers,
it's not there.

Huh?
Oh.

It's not there, either.

Well, well, what did
you do with it?

Well, actually, Barney,
I don't have a paper.

See, we just talked
it over like friends.

They shook hands,
and that was that.

They shook hands!

You mean they didn't
sign anything?

No.

Well, then the case

still isn't closed.

It's as open as it ever was.

You know, Andy,
Barney's a wonderful feller

but sometimes I just don't
understand him, do you?

Yeah.
He's a nut.

Oh.

Where you reckon
he's run off to?

Oh, I don't...

He's gone to the barbershop,
come on!

Oh, that's a good
haircut, Floyd.

Oh, thank you, Barney.

Very good.

Um...

A dollar.
Mm-hmm.

$ . .

And $ . .

It's $ even.

$ ?

I thought a haircut
was $ . .

What's the other two bits for?

Well, for tonic.
You said you wanted tonic.

I said I didn't want it dry.
I wanted water.

But I used tonic.

Water's no good for the hair.
It dries up your scalp.

Well, I'm not gonna pay for it.

The heck you're not!
You got it on your head!

Well, I didn't ask for it!

What's going on?

Floyd used tonic on my hair,
and I didn't ask for it.

So I'm not gonna him
the quarter.

He did ask for it.
He always gets tonic.

But I didn't ask for
it this time!

I didn't ask for it
by name, did I?

So what?
Give him the quarter.

Andy, I'm not
giving him the quarter!

He can pull that on some people.

He's not pulling it on me.

Give him the quarter.

It's not the money.
It's the principle.

Give him the quarter.

You want to finish
that haircut you started

the other day?

It's bad.
Water's bad for your hair.