05x14 - Three Wishes for Opie

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Good morning.

Boys, good morning.

Uh... congratulations, Andy.

Congratulations?

And best wishes, too.

For what?

Isn't he the sly one?

I'm not being sly, Floyd.

I just don't know what
you're congratulating me for.

Oh. Somebody getting married.

You... you know,
he's a great kidder.

He's always good for a laugh.

When's the big day, Andy?

Well, wait a minute, judd.

Are you guys implying that...

That it's me
that's getting married?

Oh, now, look, Andy...

There's no point in keeping
this a secret anymore.

It's all over town.

Well, I'm glad somebody's
finally letting me in on it.

Who am I supposed
to be marrying?

Ooh, who's he supposed to be...

You're funny.

You're funny for a sheriff.

Floyd.

Here comes the bride now.

Helen?

What... well...

Wait...
Wait a minute.

What's going on?

I should think you'd be the last
person on earth to ask that.

Well, maybe I'm not very smart,
so suppose you tell me.

When I become engaged
to somebody

I've got one
very simple requirement...

I'd like to be asked first.

I don't like going
to a p.T.A. Meeting

and suddenly finding out

that I'm engaged
to the great sheriff Taylor.

You think all you have to do
is decide you want to marry me

and then just announce it
to the world.

Just who do you think you are,
anyway...

Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant?

Now, wait a minute!

I'm not finished.

What really infuriates me

is listening to your friends

tell me what
a great catch you are.

Well, you're not caught yet.

Hi, and.

How's it going?

Well, I admit I should
have told you about it first.

Should have told me
about it first?

Barney, this is
about the third time

that you've spread stories
about Helen and me

and made her mad at me.

Now, for the last time,
we are not getting married.

Now, that's where you
happen to be wrong.

What do you mean, I'm wrong?

If Helen and I
were going to get married

don't you think
we'd be the first ones to know?

And we tell you.

Now, stay out of this area
of our lives.

I'm out. It's out of my hands.

It's out of your hands.

None of us has
any control over it.

Well, who has?

Count istvan teleky.

Who's that?

He's the one that decided

that you and Helen
are going to be married.

Well, where is he?
I'd like to talk to him.

Andy, you can't talk
to count istvan teleky.

Why not?

Because he lived
in the th century.

Barney, I know that we've not
always understood one another

but so far as I can recall,
this is the first time

we've ever been
on two different planets.

Andy...

Come here a minute.

What are you doing?

Well, there's no point

in having the count
hear all this.

Wait a minute. I just got
the whole story.

Do you want to hear it?

No, I don't.

Well, sit down.
You're going to.

Andy...

Now, look, Helen.

I had nothing to do with this.

You know, I just
couldn't care less.

Do you want to hear it
or don't you?

Now, this
is the way it happened.

A few days ago

Barney and goober went over
to this police auction.

What's a police auction
got to do with anything?

If you'll wait a minute,
I'll tell you.

They hold them over in mt. Pilot
every now and then

and auction off all the stuff

that they've confiscated
during the year.

Barney and goober
bought some stuff

like everybody does.

Goober bought this, this...

Roll of copper tubing.

Paid cents for it.

You could get it anywhere else
for cents

but he wanted it.

And Barney bought
some stuff, too.

But one thing in particular...

You just think they
got that box from gypsies.

I know they did.

Don't you remember
that band of gypsies

that was floating around
the area last year?

You don't believe in that
magic stuff, do you?

Well, they're doing an awful lot
with e.S.P. These days.

What's that?

E.s.p.?
Extrasensitive perception.

Doing a lot of that
in the himalayas.

You know, people
on mountaintops miles apart

thinking the same thing.

I didn't know that.

Well, don't quote me on this,
goober.

I'm not saying there is
such a thing as the supernatural

but things have happened
that have never been explained.

I believe I'll go on over
to the filling station.

I call upon you, count teleky

to impart your mystical
powers to earthly things.

I ask you, whose presence
hovers over us eternally

to invest these cards
with your very spirit.

Hey, Barn.

Huh?! Goober, stop
sneaking up on people!

I... just had
a few minutes to k*ll

so I thought
I'd kind of, you know

fool around with this stuff.

Sure looks spooky.

Hey, what is that stuff

you were sprinkling
in that lamp?

Oh, that. Well...

According to the book,
that dust is supposed

to evoke the spirit
of count istvan teleky.

If you sprinkle it
in the flame there

well, then, he's supposed

to be right here
in the room with you.

I'll be dawged.

You know what they're
talking about?

That's a man that's
over years old.

You think that his
spirit could be right here

in the same room with us?

I don't know.
Do you?

I don't know.

Well, I'll just get my
copper tubing and run along.

You have to go?

See ya, Barn. I ain't staying
in no back room

with no ghost that
comes out a lamp.

Hi, goober!
Hey!

What ghost was he talking about,
Barney?

Oh, well, he...

Listen, do you feel
like having some fun?

What do you mean, Barney?

Well...
I'll tell your fortune.

You've heard
of that, haven't you?

Is that what all that stuff is?

Yeah. Come on in.
Sit down.

Okay.

There.

Okay...

Here we go.

Now, you see, ope

when two identical cards

come up on the same pile

that's when you got something.

I got two flaming torches.

Let's see what the book says.

You've been granted
three wishes, ope.

You mean I can
wish for something

and it'll come true?

Yeah. Well,
I mean, you know...

It's worth a try.

Just for fun, huh?

All right.

I wish I had a jackknife.

A jackknife, huh?

Yeah. I wish
I had a jackknife.

Hey, Barn?

Hi, paw.

Oh, listen, uh...
Let's just, uh...

Let's just keep this game

between you and me, huh?

No sense in telling
your paw about it.

Okay, Barn.

How you doing, sport?

Fine, paw.

Hey, I'm glad you stopped by.

I was going through
my desk drawer at home

and I found something
you might like to have.

Look at that. Jackknife.

Wow.

Barn.
Hi, and.

Hey, Barney

look what I just got.

I'm going to take it home
and sharpen it.

Bye, paw.

What's the matter?

Didn't you ever
see a jackknife before?

I smell something.

Smells like something burning.

Barn?

It'll be gone in a minute.

Well, I just don't
see the connection

between Opie getting a jackknife

and Barney spreading the rumor

that you and I
are getting married.

Well, wait a minute.

The jackknife
was only part of it.

Andy, do you mean to tell me
that you believe

that there's the spirit

of a -year-old
count hovering around

granting wishes
and controlling fate?

Oh, no, no, no.

I don't believe that,

but Barney does,
and you know Barney.

He'll believe nearly anything.

Andy, it's like the dark ages.

Yes, it is.

Now, like I say, I'm not saying

that I believe any of this stuff

but it is strange.

The next day,
I was sitting in the office

working on monthly reports,
and Barney come walking in.

Hi, Barn.

I say, "hi, Barn."

Oh, hi, and.

Whatcha reading?

Oh, just a book.

Let me see.

Well...

Mmm. Mmm.

Psychic phenomena
by Dr. Merle osmond. Huh.

"Dr. Merle osmond,
head of the college

of psychic phenomena
in Boise, Idaho."

Dr. Merle osmond?
He's a doctor?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's
a licensed ppd.

What's ppd?

Doctor of psychic phenomena.

You know, he has a very
interesting background.

He used to teach the guitar

before he went into this.

That is interesting.

Huh. You don't believe
all this psychic phenomena

and supernatural
and all that stuff, do you?

Andy, there are forces
loose on this earth

that you wouldn't believe.

I tell you, it would make
your hair stand on end.

What forces?

Well, it's entirely possible

that there are forces
in the atmosphere

that are able to
control our fate.

Oh, come on, that-that's
fairy-tale stuff.

That's like Aladdin
and his magic lamp.

You don't believe that, huh?
Aladdin's lamp?

Did you ever see that lamp? No.

If you never saw that lamp,
then don't talk.

Barney, are you going to stand

right there in front
of me, a grown man

able to read and drive a car
and have dates and everything

and tell me that you believe

there was such a thing
as Aladdin's magic lamp

that you could rub and a genie

would come out of it
and do things for you?

I never saw that lamp.

I do not know what spirit

was evoked by that lamp

and therefore, I cannot discuss

the subject intelligently.

And another thing...
Another thing...

Another thing is atmosphere.

Atmosphere?

Aladdin's lamp was rubbed
over in Arabia.

Now, the atmosphere in Arabia

is a little bit different
than the atmosphere

here in the southeastern
United States.

Yeah, Barn, but...

And so, because I am not
familiar with the atmosphere

and never having seen the lamp,

I cannot discuss the subject
intelligently.

But, Barn... did you
ever see that lamp?

Well, no.
Then don't talk.

Don't talk.

Well, Barney,
why are you suddenly

so interested in all this stuff?

I just have an inquiring mind.

Hey, paw!

Opie, one of these days

your lungs are going
to bust from running. Walk.

Aunt bee said you said
you'd take me to Raleigh

the next time you go
if I got a "b" in arithmetic.

Yeah, I said that.

Wow. Report card
comes out tomorrow.

Can I go
to the zoo and everything?

Well, ope, if I was you

I wouldn't get my hopes
too high this time.

According to the papers
you've been bringing home

you've been getting mostly
cs and c-pluses.

I know.

Good luck, anyway.

Hey, uh, maybe Barney can help.

Maybe he can go over to Arabia

and rub one of them
magic lamps or something.

What?
Nothing.

Hey, Barney, I know

what my second wish is.

A "b" in arithmetic?

Uh-huh. Do you think
it will come true?

I don't know, Opie.

It just ain't up to me.

Well, that's my second wish.

I wish that I get
a "b" in arithmetic.

Just wait and see.

You've got to admit
that you gave Opie a "b"

when maybe he should
have had a "c."

Oh, he's been improving
and it was very close.

This isn't the first time

I've given a child the
benefit of the doubt.

It gives them confidence.

Yeah, yeah, but that's
not what Barney claims.

He claims that an outside force
made you give him that "b."

He claims you were an
unconscious agent of the count.

Oh, good heavens.

You know how Barney gets.

When Opie's second wish came
true, he went all to pieces.

And now we come
to the interesting part.

What?

You know what he did?

Turned himself into a pumpkin?

No.

Well, what did he do?

Well, he decided to put it
to a big and final test.

So one night after work

he got goober
and Floyd to help him.

Sort of act as witnesses.

Floyd, I assume that you
would be willing to accept

a supernatural phenomenon
if there is adequate proof

that one exists

oh, absolutely. I accept it.

Exactly what you said.

Good.

All right, goober, you're
familiar with the procedure.

If you will, please.

Okay, Barn.

It's sure lively tonight.

What's that?
Who's laughing?

Count istvan teleky.

Sure is dark in here.

Yeah.

Let's let him drift around
a little bit first.

He's here with us?

His spirit, Floyd.
His spirit.

Oh, fine.
Fine by me.

Right in this room with us, huh?

Didn't you see him?

Of course. If he's in this
room, of course I saw him.

Okay, go ahead, goober.

I was just making sure
he was still here.

Hey, here's two
cards the same, Barn.

Oh, two unicorns.

Okay, check the book.

"The count gives you one wish."

One wish, huh?

Opie got three wishes
from the count.

Yeah.

He's probably crazy
about children.

One wish, huh?

All right, I don't want
to make it too tough.

I'm going to wish
for a new fingerprint set

we've been needing around here.

I sent to the county
headquarters for it

about six months ago,
but nothing ever happened.

That's your wish, then?

Yeah. I wish...

For a new fingerprint set.

Say, I hope you get it.

Shh!

Don't say anything.

I wonder who that was, Barney.

I don't know.

Ain't you going
to go out and see?

Yeah. You know what?

I was just thinking
about... doing that.

Let's go.

You go.

Okay.

Gentlemen...

I have the following
announcement to make.

Count istvan teleky exists.

Well, how did the
fingerprint set get there?

I put it there.

Yeah, I ran into Clint
from the post office

and it had just come in
on the late bus.

Now, I knew Barney
was looking for it

so I unwrapped it
and took it over there

and put it on his desk
so he could have it

first thing in the morning.

That is strange.
Yeah.

First Opie gets his jackknife.

Then he gets a "b"
in arithmetic.

Then Barney wishes
for a fingerprint set,

and a minute later,
you walk in with it.

I don't mind telling you,
it's getting a little spooky.

Yeah. I knew
it would get to you.

I got to tell you

there's things
going on here that...

What happened next?

Well, Opie's up

for his third wish, you know.

What was it?

Well, the next day

Opie came running
in the courthouse

and went right up to Barney.

I know what my
third wish is, Barney.

Have you given it
a lot of thought?

Yeah, a lot.

'Cause this is your last one.

You got to make it a good one.

You think it will come true?

Oh, no question about it.

I admit, in the beginning
I wasn't too sure

but now, beyond the
shadow of a doubt.

Well, here it is.

I wish that miss crump...

Paw would say it's impossible.

Never mind about that.

It's your wish, ain't it?

I think it's a great one.

But I didn't
tell you what it is.

You don't have to.

You think it'll come true?

It's in the bag.
You just run along.

Don't you worry about it.

Okay! Bye, Barn!

Oh, this is great.

It's just great.

Oh, Sarah? Get me Thelma Lou.

Hey, Sarah, guess what!

That's it.

Well, when's the date?

What?

When's the date for the wedding?

Everything else came true.

Oh, come on.

We-we talked about that

and may-maybe sometime

when the time's right, remember?

Oh, I... I was only kidding.

Well, let's go
down to the courthouse.

Oh, we are getting married.

Stop that.
To straighten out Barney.

Oh.

Well. Come on,
Mrs. Taylor.

Huh?

In case the count's listening.

Hi, Andy. Hi, Helen.

Forget it.

Barney, it ain't
going to happen.

But it is.

Andy, why don't you
roll with the punch.

This is it. D-Day.

Shoes and rice time.
Accept it.

Forget it.

This is a sure thing.

Opie wished it
and it's got to be.

It don't got to be.

Helen and I are not
getting married.

You really mean that?

Yes, Barney. I
don't know how

those other wishes came true

but this one Andy
and I can control.

Well, I... I just can't
believe it.

Oh, I wish it could
have worked out.

Oh, Barney,
maybe someday it will.

Maybe it will

and if and when it does,
let us handle it, okay?

Why don't you throw that

I could have sworn...

Hi, paw. Aunt bee said
you were looking for me.

Yeah, ope.

I want to talk to you

about these wishes
you've been making.

Oh.

I haven't heard
about the third one yet.

Well, you might as well forget

about that one, because
it's not going to happen.

It isn't?

No. And while we're
talking about it

things don't come true
just because you wish them

especially when they
involve other people.

Things like that have
to run their course

and they only come true
because the time is right

and the people are ready.

Am I saying that right?

Exactly right.

So, ope, you just forget
about that wish you made

about Helen and me
getting married.

But, paw, I didn't wish

for you and miss crump
to get married.

What?

Now, wait a minute,
Opie. You said...

I didn't say anything, Barney.

You said you knew
exactly what I meant.

I just wished that miss crump
could go on being my teacher

even in the sixth grade.

What's the matter?

I was told this afternoon

that next year I'm being
transferred to the sixth grade.

Okay.
There we are.

Mm-hmm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

We got two unicorns.

Let's see.

You get one wish.

Ah, good.
Go ahead and wish.

What'd you wish?

Same thing Barney did.

Fingerprint set?

No.
The other thing.

Oh, you mean, uh...
You and me?

Mm-hmm.

For June.
Hmm?

Well, let's just sit back here

and wait for your wish
to come true.

Listen, I hate to come
barging in like this,

but, well, I just had to
clear something.

What is it? Well,
I don't know how this got in the paper,

but I just wanted you
to know I didn't do it.

What is it?
Well, it's right here in the paper

in the "Mayberry
after midnight" column.

Miss Helen crump
and sheriff Andy Taylor

are making plans
for their wedding...

Probably in June.