05x11 - The Pageant

[bunniefuu]

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard...

Also starring Don knotts.

Cen...ten-a-ly.

Mnh-mnh.
Centennial.

Cen-ten-nial.

Sure is a long word, huh, paw?

Yes. It's a mighty
good word, though.

It means Mayberry is celebrating
its th anniversary.

You see, ope,
the word "centennial"

comes from the Latin word
"centus,"

which means a hundred
in the Latin language.

Now, that was a language
that was used

by very intelligent people
a long time ago.

And when they wanted
to say a hundred,

why, they just said "centus"
instead, you see?

Why didn't they just say
a hundred?

Well, they didn't know
about that word yet.

They didn't know
about a hundred?

They don't sound like they
were very intelligent.

Barney's right, though.
That's right.

Whenever "cent"
is a part of a word,

it usually means a hundred
of something or other.

That's right.

Like, uh..."Century."

Now, that means
a hundred years, you see.

That's right.

"Centipede," that's a bug
with a hundred legs.

Come on, ange,
don't make up jokes

not while I'm trying
to teach the boy something.

"Centipede" does mean
a bug with a hundred legs.

Well, it's not Latin.
It couldn't be.

You know them scholars and
romans with all their upbringin'

ain't going to be
going around talkin'

about crawly little bugs...
Not in the Latin language.

Anyway, "centennial" means
a hundred year anniversary

and that's what we're having.

Mr. Masters is puttin' on
a big pageant and everything.

You going to try out, Barn?

Oh, well, I guess so.

I mean, it's more or less
expected of me.

A thing like this...
A community project

for the whole community
and everything.

Those of us who have
had speech training

I think it's up to us to
handle the speaking parts

and put this thing over.

You've had speech training?

Well, you remember...

From eleanora poultice,
my voice teacher.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's the one I really
give all the credit to today

for my diction.

Peter Piper picked
a peck of pickled peppers.

Miss poultice?

Yeah.

Must be hard to work
into conversation, though.

She sells seashells
by the seashore.

Now, there's a little twister

that takes months
to get straight.

She sells seashells
by the seashore.

How much wood
would a woodchuck Chuck

if a woodchuck could Chuck wood?

How much wood
would a woodchuck Chuck

if a woodchuck could Chuck wood?

With sturdy threats
and loudest boasts

he thrusts his wrists
against the post

and still insists
he sees a ghost.

Gosh.

Barney sure is good,
ain't he, paw?

He sure is.

I betcha he can even say
"rubber baby buggy bumpers"

four times real fast.

But that's an old one, paw.

He can probably say
that one easy, huh, Barney?

Oh, yeah.

Hello, everybody.

Hi, aunt bee.

Hi, aunt bee.

Well, how'd you like
your lunch, huh?

Oh, it was good.
Good.

Opie, did you get
my baking powder?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Good. We'll go home

and try it out
on a pan of brownies.

Oh, boy.

Don't forget tryouts tonight.

No, I'll be there.

Gosh, aunt bee,
you going to try out for a part?

No, I do the sewing work
on the costumes.

Well, maybe Opie's got an idea.

Why don't you try out?
Me and Barney's going to.

There's a good woman's part...
Lady Mayberry

founding mother of the town.

Be a waste of time.

I'm certain Mr. Masters
has decided on Clara Edwards

for the part.

Besides, somebody has to do
the sewing.

Come on, Opie.
See you later.

Bye, paw.
Bye.

Must get tiresome just doing
all that sewing.

Rabber bubby guppy gumpers...

Rub-ber...

Not that I couldn't
do a speaking part.

It's not that at all,
because I could.

Yes, ma'am.

How long does it take
for brownies to cook?

minutes.

Years ago, I was in
one of our church plays,

and I remember my mother
and father both

saying I was the best one in it.

After they come out,
do they have to cool off

before we can eat them?

I like to eat them hot.

I even had my name in
the church publications.

Did I ever show that to you?

Opie, come on.

Come on, I'll show you.

You going to put some
conventioneer's sugar on 'em?

Confectioners' sugar.

That's what I meant.

Gee, I hope they come
out nice and chewy.

Now, let's see.
Here we are.

"News from the altar."

Whose name is that

playing Alice
in the little Princess?

That's your name.

So, you see, I have been
on the stage.

Uh-huh.

Don't you think we ought
to be in the kitchen

in case they get ready early?

I'm certain I could play
lady Mayberry.

After all, once you've played a
Princess, wouldn't you say?

Huh?

Oh, yes, ma'am.

I think they're done.

They're probably counting
on me to do the sewing.

I'll get a plate ready.

This is good soil, Mary.

It's bottomland.

We can stop here and build
our home and till the fields.

But will the Indians
let us live in peace?

Here comes the great chief.
Let us see.

Oh, James, I fear him.

He looks so warlike
in his paint and feathers.

Now, Mary,
we must not show him fear.

We must have strength if we are
to conquer the wilderness.

I will talk to him.

Greetings to you, great chief.

Greetings to you, great chief.

Huh?
It's your turn, Barney.

Where are we?

Say that line that comes
right before mine again. Okay.

Greetings to you, great chief.
How!

All right, people.

Let's relax for a while.

Thank you.

I want to hear more of you
in a minute.

Thank you, John.

Hey, Barn, I know how you can
learn your part real good.

How?
See?

Mr. Masters...

Oh, hello, miss bee.

May I speak to you for a moment?

Yes, of course.
Excuse me.

Yeah?

I'd like to talk to you about
the part of lady Mayberry.

Oh, yes, of course.
Very important part.

She's the leading character

who actually tells our
story about the founding

of this community.

Yes, I know.

So, naturally,
everything about it

must be just right,
you understand.

Yes, of course.

Ah, miss bee,
the costume you make for her

will be almost as important

as the words she speaks. Hmm?

The costume...
For Clara Edwards.

She'll be playing the role.

Oh, but I know you can do it.

After all
the wonderful sewing jobs

you've done for us in the past.

Yes, mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Hi, aunt bee.

Oh, well, now,
how'd it go tonight?

Oh, boy.

Why?
What's the matter?

Miss bee, we're in trouble.

Big trouble.

Clara Edwards had
to drop out of the play.

Oh?

Yeah, her sister over
in saberton took sick,

and she had to go over
there to be with her.

Opening night
a scant two weeks away

and our leading lady
is lost to us.

Well, we'll just have
to find somebody else, John.

Ah, yes, but how

it's not a simple part.

It requires someone
of great warmth and sympathy.

Oh, you're so right.

The leading lady
must have warmth and sympathy.

Reverend dargood told me that
in my dressing room

when I was doing
the little Princess.

How about Mrs. Ambrister
over at the library?

Oh, no, she's a little bitty woman.
Well...

No, and she doesn't have
the volume.

We need someone with a voice
strong enough to fill that hall.

Yes, that was another thing
he insisted upon.

We all had to be heard

throughout the entire rectory.

There's nobody around
who can really speak up.

Well, the most
important thing is

to find somebody with
theatrical experience

and know-how.

Most important
is a woman who is graceful...

Who can move about fluidly.

Care for some coffee?

I'll clear the table.

Aunt bee...

Yes?

Why don't you do it?

Do what?
Do the part.

The part?
Yeah.

Me, lady Mayberry?

Oh, whatever gave you
a notion like that?

I'll get the coffee.

John, what do you think?

It might just be the answer.

Well, I suppose she might do

but...I'd hoped for somebody
with a little more experience.

Well, I'll tell you the truth.

She'll give you all she's got.

Yeah. Is it enough, though?
Is it enough?

Miss bee, it's a
very demanding role.

It must encompass the dynamic

as well as the tender qualities
of lady Mayberry.

Can you do it?

Yes! Yes, I can.

Gentlemen...i give you
the new lady Mayberry.

Well, congratulations, aunt bee.

Sakes, I don't know what to say.

This has all happened
so suddenly.

I had no idea
I'd be called upon.

Well, it's goodbye, kitchen

hello, Broadway.

Hi, John.
Andy.

Hey, aunt bee, did you
see this in the gazette?

No. What?

There's our names, Barn.

Says...says, uh, "assuming
the role of lady Mayberry"

is miss bee Taylor."

"Although a newcomer
to the Mayberry stage,

"miss Taylor is remembered
by many west virginians

"for her outstanding performance

in the little Princess
in the early ' s."

But he doesn't say
it was a child's part.

Oh, I think everybody'll
just assume that, aunt bee.

All right, people.

Everybody's here now,
so let's get started, shall we?

Noogatuck knows that James
merriweather wants peace.

We wish to live side by side

with you, our brothers,
in this beautiful valley.

For many moons

noogatuck has smoked the peace
pipe with you, my friend,

but now many paleface come,
and they bring g*ns.

Noogatuck's valley
grows smaller.

Uh, can we do
without the coughing?

Take smaller puffs.

Can we continue?
James, please.

My followers come
only in friendship.

They bring gifts.

They help you plant corn.

Our women give calico
to your squaws.

Is all this not true, noogatuck?

Everything that
laughing face says is true.

But treaties say
that he will not use

the land beyond running stream

where the big oak...
Reaches to the sky. Look.

Even... even now
you've built your lodges.

The paleface is not a man
of his word.

John?
Hmm?

Could we change that last line?

It just isn't comfortable.

I mean, it's just not noogatuck.

Possibly.

Uh, we'll see
what the author says.

Duane?

Change "paleface is not a man
of his word"?

Well, I kind of agree
with Barney.

It felt so right to me.

It's a beautiful line, Duane.

It's just not indianish enough.

How about...

..."paleface speaks
with a forked tongue"?

Oh, marvelous!

That's it.
Oh, it sings!

Try that, Barney.

Already you've built
your lodges.

Paleface speak
with forked tongue.

All right,
now you both slowly rise

bringing the scene
to its climax.

James?

Noogatuck, you have my pledge.

We will move back
across the running water

where the big oak
reaches to the sky

and we will live in peace.

We will live in peace,

and this will be called...
Happy valley.

All right, now,
there are a few spots

I'll go over with you
a little later.

Lady Mayberry, please.

Opening the second act, now.

Your soliloquy.
Yes.

And you'll make your entrance
from the wings.

No, no, no.

The other side.

That new line

felt more comfortable?

Oh, yeah, much.
Thanks, Duane.

I'd like to see you
project a little more.

Oh, okay.
Oh, and, Andy,

when he calls you
"laughing face,"

I'd like to see
just the faintest smile.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's it, that's it.
Just a trace. Yeah.

You don't have to wear that
all the time.

It's all right.

All right, lady Mayberry

your entrance.

Uh, lady Mayberry,

you went past the wings.

Come back.

Do I make my entrance now?

Yes, if you please.

In, in...

Now, whenever you're
ready, miss Taylor.

Eventide.

The gentle rustling
of the leaves.

The birds seeking their nests.

Oh, my happy valley.

England, you're so far away.

But, hark! Do I hear
the distant drums of w*r?

Will the noble red man rise...

Again...

In all his fury?

There lies
the course of history.

On the one hand,
we have the followers of...

I forget his name.

James merriweather.

...James merriweather

who come
in ever-increasing numbers.

And on the other hand...

...we have naugatoock.

Noogatuck!

Noogatuck! Whose family
have roamed these lands

for generations.

Andy, she's terrible.

Yeah. Who was it suggested
she be in the pageant?

You was the one that said it.

I was afraid it was.

Well, John, maybe if you
worked with her a little bit.

Oh, no! No!

I worked with her
for three hours last night.

As you may know, I have
something of a reputation

here in the northern part
of the state.

I know, John.

Oh! But I can see it
crumbling.

Crumbling before my very eyes.

Well, John,
you got to give her a chance.

I'll bet even Tex ritter
didn't hit it right

the first time out.

Oh!

Oh, I just hate to
see it happen to her.

Aunt bee's such a sweet person.

A delightful person.

I adore her...

But she can't act.

Now, then, will you tell her,
or will I?

Well, I guess it'd
be a little easier

coming from me.

Then I'll count on that.

Mmm...yeah.

Good.

Well, the theater...

Heartbreak alley.

Mmm.

Eventide. The gentle rustling
of the leaves.

The birds seeking their nest.

Oh, my happy valley.

England, far away.

So far.

So far?
Uh-huh.

Eventide. The gentle rustling
of the leaves. The birds...

Hi, paw.

Oh, hello, Andy.

I was practicing.

Oh, hi. It was sounding
pretty good.

Yeah. Me and John masters
was just talking

about how hard
that opening speech is.

I don't think John understands

lady Mayberry.

You don't?

No.

Oh, you mean you don't,

uh, care for him much
as a director.

Well, he's all right,
but he's no reverend dargood.

Oh. Well, well, listen,

if... if you don't see
eye to eye with him,

why don't you just...
Forget it?

Forget it?

Well, you know what I mean.

I know that you wouldn't want
to do anything on the stage

that you didn't feel was right

and so if you can't
work it out with him,

well, just let him
worry about it.

Let him get somebody else.

I wouldn't give up this part
for anything in the world.

It's going to be
a thrilling experience.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, good heavens,
look at the time.

I'm going to be late
for practice.

Thank you, Opie.

We'll talk about this later.

Oh. Oh, about supper.

Oh, well, we'll pick up
something at the diner.

Oh, I know
I'm neglecting you both,

but I just don't
seem to find the time.

Don't worry about it.
We'll be fine.

I'm afraid
it's going to be like this

for the next two weeks, but...

The pageant is
the most important thing,

isn't it, Andy?
Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, answer that for me,
will you, Andy?

If it's for me,
tell him I'm on my way, hmm?

Right.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Yeah?

Andy, wonderful news!

I've just heard that
Clara Edwards is back in town.

The role of lady Mayberry
is solved.

I assume you've spoken
to your aunt.

No, John, I didn't get around
to telling her.

I know.

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Andy, I'm not unsympathetic,
but she must be told.

Well, John, I'll figure out
some way of telling her.

But do me a favor, John.

Don't say anything to miss
Edwards right now, will ya?

Well, yeah.

Well, yeah, I know.
I-I will.

All right. Thanks.

Goodbye.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I'll be glad when
that pageant's over.

I'm getting tired of
eating at the diner.

Yeah.

You know, I am, too.

Oh, good heavens.
I've got a list a mile long.

Now, let's see.

I need lace for my costume,
practice at : .

Then I have to pick up my shoes,
I need thread,

then I better go to the grocery.

We need bread and
butter and eggs.

Oh, then I have to
go to the laundry.

How am I ever going
to get all this done?

Well, that's show biz, aunt bee.

That's show biz.

Oh, that must be Clara Edwards.

Want to get the door, ope?

Sure, paw.

Is Clara Edwards back?

Mm-hmm. Came in
yesterday afternoon.

I called her and asked her
if she'd mind coming over

and helping out while
you're busy with the pageant.

Said she'd be glad to.
Oh?

Isn't that nice of her?

Miss Edwards,
it certainly is nice of you

to help out like this.

I'm glad to do it, Andy.

Oh, bee, I heard you were
playing lady Mayberry.

I'm so happy for you.

Now, don't you worry
about our two men here.

I'm going to treat them
just like they were my own.

Well, that's very sweet
of you, Clara.

Oh, it'll be so nice
to have someone to cook for.

Well, we're looking forward
to it, huh, ope?

Yeah, boy!

Boy, I can't wait to get a hold

of some of that fine
apple pie you make.

Why, we'll have some
every night if you like.

Pie every night?!
Wow!

Clara, you don't have to go
to all that trouble.

Trouble? Why, I'll enjoy
it more than they will.

Well, aunt bee,
you better run along

if you ever expect to
get that stuff done.

Yes, I suppose so,

and I still have to work
on that opening speech.

Oh, that lovely opening speech.

Eventide. The gentle
rustling of the leaves.

The birds seeking
out their nests.

Oh, my happy valley!

England, you're so far away.

I did remember.

Well, I suppose
I'd better be going.

Yes, and I'd better
get into that kitchen.

Well, now, now, don't worry
when you come back.

We're in good hands.

Bye, aunt bee.

Guess it didn't work, huh, paw?

Uh...

I guess not.

Clara?

Why, bee!

I thought you were on
your way to play practice.

Uh, Clara...

Is anything wrong?

No, no, it was, um,
just that speech a moment ago.

You said it so beautifully.

It set me to thinking.

What about?

Clara, you were
their first choice

and rightfully so.

Oh, bee, you'll be
simply wonderful in it!

And you'd be much better.

Clara, please
take back the part.

But you've worked so hard, bee.

I couldn't take it away.

I don't care!

I don't care one little bit.
I really don't.

You mean it?

Yes, I mean it.

Y I'm sure.

Oh, bee!

Hurry. They've started
play practice.

Oh, bee!

Oh!
Oh!

Thank you, bee!

How would you boys like a nice
apple pie for dessert tonight?

What are you doing here?

I thought you was going
to go to practice.

No, Clara Edwards is
going to play the part.

Well, why aren't you
going to play it?

Well, I have my reasons.

O

I don't want anybody

fussing around in my kitchen.

I see.

And you know something?

I think she's a better
actress than I am.

You're really something,
you know that, aunt bee?

Come on, Opie.

We'll start the apple pie.

And I herewith
deed these lands jointly

to James merriweather
and chief noogatuck,

knowing
that they will rule wisely

and that they will share
the bounty

of this green and happy valley,

which shall herein after
be called Mayberry.

Boy, that's the difference
between night and day,

isn't it?

Yeah, boy. That miss Edwards
is a fine actress.

Well, aunt bee tried, but it's
just one of them things.

Either you got it or you don't.
I guess.

I mean, you got to have the raw
talent to start with.

Of course, that can be refined,
that's true.

But... hey.

What's that fella doing wearing
my headdress?

Hey, fella!
Hey!

Barney, could I speak to you
privately?

Wait a minute.

I want to know what he's doing
wearing my headdress.

Barney, could we talk
over in the corner?

That's my headdress!

Barney, I meant to speak to you
before this.

There's a few rough edges
in my performance.

We got two weeks.
I know I can do this part.

I mean, I feel noogatuck.
Noogatuck is me!

Hey, fella!

Barney! Barney!