02x04 - The Coping Mechanism
Posted: 11/12/21 07:49
- Previously on "Chance"...
- Hey.
Woman found with her throat cut,
a kid shot in the head
breaking into a car
registered to Ryan Winter.
I'm gonna need you to get into
Ryan Winter's head for me.
You were att*cked by a stranger,
targeted for whatever reason.
Rear choke like that
for longer than 40 seconds,
and you wouldn't be here.
Winter is here in my office.
Change rattles him.
If I keep him here,
can you get into his house?
- Already out the door, Doc.
- You spread that shit around
about me and John.
- Chill out.
- And then just sit here.
You are not my friend!
Whatever, stalker freak.
Someone's broken into my house
and taken things, moved things.
What they stole has no value
other than to me.
- Did you call the police?
- He is the police.
Detective Kevin Hynes.
It really freaked him out, what you did.
Look, I don't give a shit,
but I can't lose this job.
- In case you get hungry.
- Why didn't you scream
- when you saw me in the house?
- 'Cause you're not scary.
When I was 8, I was standing
on a train platform.
This woman had come out
of the crowd, grabbed him,
and tossed him in front of the train.
I found a way to cope.
There's this assh*le
bullied me or whatever.
Anytime somebody bullies you,
you should thank them every day.
Learn to stand up for yourself now.
Anything can be a w*apon.
- Oh.
- Oh!
- Thank you.
- Hey, take a bow.
- For what?
- Your good work
made this happen.
Ryan Winter just donated
$1 million to the unit
in Josefa's name.
Pinch me, right?
This is too good to be true.
I agree.
What?
Come on.
I don't think you should
take this money.
What do you mean, don't? Based on what?
Well, he's a patient with
head trauma for one thing.
We've accepted money from victims
and families of victims before.
I mean, not this much money,
but they donate all the time.
It's not unethical.
It's what helps keep our doors open.
Will you... will you just
listen to me for a second?
I'm just concerned that this donation
is gonna come with strings.
Access.
This is not the type of guy
who can give a million dollars
and just leave it at that.
Fine.
He can have my parking spot.
I'm serious.
So am I.
Do I really have to tell you
what a million dollars
means for this unit?
I know, I know. I just...
I just don't want him
to distract from the people
who actually need us.
Yeah?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Christina, s-slow down.
Is she with you now? Okay.
Uh, I'll meet you
at my place in 20 minutes.
- Nicole?
- Yeah.
I got to go. I'll call you later.
Hey. This money,
it'll be a good thing.
Jesus, carryout check stand 2.
Folic acid and iron and a stool softener
for the iron side effects.
You know they have flowers here.
Folic acid helps protect
your baby against birth defects,
and the iron prevents anemia.
What's your name?
D.
D.
I have a doctor, D.
An O. B. For the baby.
She tells me not to eat raw fish
and weird cheeses or whatever.
And she tells me to take
vitamins, so I do that.
But thank you.
Okay, then.
So, you're stalking me
at the supermarket
because of birth defects?
Hmm?
Then why?
Your boss, he's a very bad man.
That's all I know is bad men.
You're gonna have to say more than that.
He kills people.
- What people?
- Women, mostly.
So, he's gonna k*ll me?
Doubt it. That'd be too obvious,
although I guess you never know.
- You a cop?
- No.
Good.
You ever k*ll anybody?
Nobody anyone would miss.
So, what do you want from me, anyway?
I just figured you should know.
Yeah, that's an answer,
but it's not the whole answer.
You like Chinese food?
Sure.
Golden Pagoda, tomorrow at 2:00.
You can take me to lunch.
The baby likes the chicken
in black bean sauce.
Okay.
Good.
Price check in produce.
Price check in produce.
Cashier 2.
You can tell me the rest
of the answer then.
Nic thanked Pepper?
Right after she broke her nose.
And that Pepper is a piece of work,
just pretending to be her friend
so she could humiliate her?
So, what now?
Expulsion, possibly. I don't know.
I'll know more when I talk
to the dean tomorrow.
What time? I'll come with you.
There's another shoe.
Of course there is.
Her parents are pressing charges,
aggravated as*ault.
Aggravated?
They're saying the book was
a w*apon, a blunt instrument.
The hospital's holding her
overnight for observation.
That's standard concussion protocol.
Okay, well, I guess
I'll go talk to the parents.
And then I'll handle the dean?
Eldon, she's going to be
charged with a felony.
Is there a scenario
where she goes to jail
or some kind of, like,
juvenile detention center?
No.
That's not gonna happen.
I really thought that
we were over this. I...
She was doing so well.
I'll go talk to her.
Do you ever think that
maybe this is our fault?
I mean, she's so bright
and beautiful and young
and unjaded and unspoiled.
I don't know where this is coming from.
I mean, the stalking last year, and now?
I-I keep thinking that the only
common denominator is...
is us.
You had nothing to do with this.
Pepper humiliated me
in front of basically everyone,
so forget putting anything
behind me or starting over.
Not to mention ruining any chance
I had at making any
other friends besides her.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Look, I... I understand
the impulse, I do.
I just...
You ever feel like your life
is just some ride?
You're at a carnival,
you strap yourself in,
and then somebody else decides
how fast or high you go?
But you do have control.
It might not always
feel like that, but...
Yeah, but even before this.
Too many times I'd get up
in the morning and think,
"Here we go again."
Walking the school halls,
worried, wondering what's next,
what's out there waiting for me now?
But today with Pepper?
I was what was waiting.
And to be honest, it felt awesome.
Look, after what Pepper did,
you had every right to be upset.
This is not the way to deal with it.
Really?
You tried "walking and reading"
at the same time lately?
Look, do me a favor.
In the future,
will you talk to me first?
Well, I tried, and I could not
find you anywhere,
so I talked to D.
D?
Yeah, he thinks we should thank bullies.
What? We should... Thank them for what?
Well, he says everyone else
just wants to keep us
weak and calm, but bullies challenge us,
show us how to handle adversity
and give us insight into who we are.
Mm-hmm. So this is
who you really are now?
Mm. I don't know.
I just know that whoever I was today,
I like her way more than who I've been.
This is not smart, you being here.
You got no way of knowing
whether you're gonna run into him.
I wouldn't have had to come
if you'd answer your f*cking cell.
Besides, you said you were
gonna keep him out of here.
He noticed and wrote a check so big,
no one cares what I think.
So, his story about a kid
being throw on the train tracks?
The woman's name is Amy Debbs.
Has a history of mental illness,
in and out of psych wards
until July of '82,
where she tossed this kid on the tracks
at the Emeryville train station.
So that really happened.
Winter was telling the truth.
Yep. And there's more.
The kid, with the grace of f*cking God
ends up under the train or
beside the train and survives.
And Debbs was arrested on the scene
and brought straight in to be processed.
But no one ever claims the kid.
In 1982, Winter would have been 6 or 7.
Yeah, I could never get
anything on Winter's childhood.
I mean, the things I did get,
I couldn't be sure it wasn't
some revisionist history
done after he shot into
rich people stratosphere.
And I don't even know
where he was originally from
or if Winter was even his name.
Where is Amy Debbs now?
Do we know if she's still alive?
Patton State Hospital.
All right, well, I know
one of the deputy chiefs
of psychiatry down there.
I'll give him a call,
see what kind of cocktail
they've got her on.
If she would talk to me.
About?
About why she tried to k*ll her son.
Thank you so much.
The VOVC. I'm one of the schedulers.
Right. I thought what you did
was pretty cool.
What I did?
I've done a lot of things.
Oh, right.
The donation...
the ginormous amount of money.
I thought it was pretty awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Well, thanks.
That was pretty awesome, wasn't it?
Have you worked there a long time?
The unit? Uh, no,
but I used to work with
Dr. Chance when he had his own practice.
No kidding.
You know, I'm working
with Dr. Chance right now.
Yeah, I know.
- You do?
- I mean, I don't know-know.
I mean, I know you are.
I do the scheduling.
I don't know anything else,
so don't worry.
Oh, wow.
It literally sounds like I've never had
an adult conversation before.
So, how long have you known him?
A couple of years. Um...
I used to run his practice.
Anyway, I just wanted to say
that what you did was amazing,
and we all really appreciate it.
What is your name?
Lucy.
Baek.
I'm Ryan Winter, but you know that.
Mm-hmm.
Not just because of stalky
scheduling weirdness.
Also because I'm kind of a tech nerd.
Well, those and "Star Wars"
are my two favorite kinds of nerds.
You know, I'm actually
speaking at a thing...
- Oh.
- ...that you might like.
It's a conference on mixed reality.
Oh! Um, yeah. Uh...
It's just with work and my kid,
it's a little hard
to get away for last-minute stuff.
You're a mom.
Yeah, the single kind.
Well, listen.
If you can get away...
Mm-hmm.
...here's the information.
I... it could be interesting, too.
So, bye. Bye.
Hi.
I'm Nicole's father, Eldon Chance.
I just wanted to check on Pepper,
tell how sorry we all are
that this has happened.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be, pal.
- It's okay.
- I understand your being upset.
Oh, do you?
Because I didn't see you
sleeping in a plastic chair...
- Hey, hey, hey.
- ...all night while nurses
came in to check your daughter's
pupils every hour.
Bob.
Pepper has a nasal fracture.
Thankfully, there's no sign
of concussion.
Just spoke with the attending physician.
What? You talked to her.
I'm a neuropsychiatrist.
I work with a lot
of head trauma patients.
Yeah, it figures, huh?
It's always the shrink's kids
that are the f*cking...
Stop it!
Just take it outside, okay? Both of you.
Maybe this is not the best time.
What was your first clue?
Bob, please.
Once again, I'm so sorry
that this has happened.
And maybe when you're ready,
we can all sit down and talk
about what to do next.
Your daughter f*cking broke
our daughter's nose.
There is nothing for us to talk about.
At all. Okay?
That's what lawyers are for.
Okay, come on. Get your stuff.
Let's get out of here.
Lyndsay!
- Lyndsay!
- Yes?
- Where is the briefc...
- Right here.
Thank you. Listen,
a talk and a lunch, too,
is too much for me.
I'm not gonna be able to d it.
I'm sorry. I told them that you probably
wouldn't be staying to eat.
Did you call them yet?
No.
Do you want me to do it?
No, I will, but just not right now.
- Is the car here?
- It's out front.
You know, trespassing is a crime.
Yeah, I know that.
What am I gonna tell 'em?
That Detective Hynes broke into my house
and rearranged my shirts?
I wouldn't even have known he was here
except he stole my rock.
I would tell me to f*ck off.
- Be that as it may...
- I hate when people say that.
Why is he doing this?
Why is he doing it again?
It's been four years.
Why is he doing it?
Because he wants
to torment you, and he is,
and you can't let him get away with it.
We can't.
We have to deal with it.
Okay, but not right now.
I can't think about this right now.
And you don't have to.
I'm here for that.
Kitchen door open.
Don't schedule
without talking to me first.
You act like you didn't
start this whole shit here.
Like you didn't just wake up
one day and say,
"f*ck them, this is how it's gonna be."
Yes, one day I woke up.
But I never said f*ck you or anyone.
And you know that.
Don't you put that on me.
I guess you could just
remember it however
you want to remember it, huh? Huh?
What I want is for you to tell me
what else I can do to help you.
Carl still jawing
at that guy in the alley?
- Yeah.
- God damn toyboys.
What the f*ck were you doing,
talking to Nicole like that?
What the f*ck were you thinking?
Careful, Doc. Lacquer's wet.
f*ck the lacquer.
She broke a girl's nose.
I didn't tell her to do that.
Just showed her how.
Yeah, you showed her how, all right.
How to get f*cking suspended
and probably expelled
from a public school.
How to go to prison for as*ault.
She's 16, D. She's a child.
A confident member of the tribe
who isn't afraid to
stand up for themselves.
Who's ready to deal on her own
with the reality of the world.
What are you, a life coach?
Listen to yourself.
This isn't a half-empty glass.
This f*cking glass is full.
If she was my kid, I'd take her out
for f*cking ice cream and nunchucks.
She's not your kid. She's mine.
Think of it as a brush-back pitch.
At the very least, Nicole showed this
Pepper to herself.
Oh!
Showed her where that road leads,
and I bet Pepper will give her
a wide berth from now on.
Pepper spent last night in the hospital.
She's a mess.
Parents are on the warpath,
and I don't blame them.
I do. She's a piece of shit.
Pretty sure they had
something to do with that.
You don't start worrying
about their child's morality
- until she's a teenager?
- Oh, Jesus, will...
- They're already broken.
- Will you stop
talking to me about parenting?!
It's a good thing, Doc,
Nicole wanting to stand up,
face her struggle
with honor and dignity.
That's badass.
I don't want my daughter to be badass,
not the way you mean,
not the way you are.
If she ever comes here again
for advice, you better go deaf.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
He sent me signs.
I didn't recognize them at first,
but when I did, they were everywhere.
What was the first sign you saw?
Do you remember?
I had the dishes in the sink.
The TV was on.
And a child had been mauled
by a lion at a zoo in Milwaukee.
And what did that tell you?
That He was coming,
and I had to prove myself.
So, what did you do?
I told Matthew.
Told him what?
That the Lord wanted me to k*ll him.
How old was he when you told him that?
3.
His eyes were like stars.
I would look in them and...
I just couldn't.
You couldn't... you couldn't do
what the Lord was asking?
No.
Did He stop asking?
I thought so.
But then I went into Matthew's
room in the morning,
and Matthew rolled over on his bed,
and he looked at me.
And there was a spider on his pajamas.
So that night, I did it.
You... you tried to k*ll Matthew.
No.
Myself.
But it didn't work.
The way He wanted me to do it
after that was so much worse.
Because I was fighting it.
He wanted Matthew strangled, stabbed,
cut up because I wouldn't listen.
Is that when He told you
about the train?
That's not exactly what he said.
What did he say?
Metal.
Metal was His message.
I couldn't put my hands on my baby.
Not like God wanted me to,
not like that.
Not cut him and s*ab him
and beat him to death.
But when I stopped fighting, I knew.
I stepped out in faith.
The train would fulfill him.
It would be quick.
It would be enough.
People thought I was crazy, too.
I mean, not Amy Debbs crazy,
but they washed their hands
of me pretty much.
I guess I was glad
when the brass shipped me
to Fremont after I, uh...
I told myself, hey,
that's just what I needed
was a clean slate, you know?
That didn't f*cking last.
I mean, Winter for me
is like the princess
and the f*cking pea.
No matter what I do,
that piece of shit keeps me awake.
Why do you think that is?
I mean, to that extent. Is it Travis?
- 'Cause you and he were...
- What?
Us two were what?
Forget it.
You know, we weren't...
if that's what you were thinking.
It wasn't like that.
I've only been with women.
Almost got married, even, twice.
I took the road I knew,
and once I got going,
I ended up where it took me.
Till Travis.
I told myself it was just
a mentor thing,
a parental, like a dad and a son.
You know, but inside,
it all just felt like a load of shit.
Everything felt like shit.
And so, one day, I just...
I just stopped fighting,
and then I said to myself,
I'm gonna just feel what I'm feeling.
Secretly to myself.
In case I was wrong.
What happened?
I guess that's what happiness is.
Got a glimpse of it.
Barrio Cazadores.
Your tattoo, the hunters, Tijuana g*ng.
You affiliated?
It was another life.
Is that where your baby's daddy is?
You don't take girls out
a whole lot, do you?
No.
How'd you become a m*rder*r's maid?
I was a coyote.
Just outside of Tecate.
I would take people
10, 12, 14 hours, on foot,
through the mountains,
until they were picked up
outside Highway 94.
I'd smuggled so many other
people across the border,
I figured I could go ahead
and smuggle myself over.
And I did.
I stayed with a friend.
She would clean houses under the table.
And she couldn't make all of her jobs,
so I started to fill in for her,
and that's how I met Mr. Ryan's
assistant, Lyndsay.
So, what's it like?
It's pretty boring.
There's cleaning, errands,
and Mr. Ryan has
talked to me maybe twice.
He talks to himself a lot, though.
What do you mean, like, he mumbles?
No, more like full-on conversations.
- With who?
- Nobody.
There's nobody there.
It's passionate, or he just
yell, or maybe he's crying,
but there's nobody there.
Mr. Ryan is not all there.
He has his ways.
He hates certain plates,
so a salad plate he hates,
and he has, you know,
this beautiful swimming pool,
but he never uses his swimming pool.
Except maybe one time.
One time a man came over,
and teached him how to swim.
To swim?
Mm-hmm, and he's never been in it since.
You like pie?
I don't like it.
Oh.
I love it.
Awesome.
I'm gonna make a quick phone call,
and then let's go get some pie.
What is this?
Pretty awesome is what it is.
Ryan Winter replaced the whole
unit's computers for free.
Baller.
When? Why... why would he do that?
Apparently, he heard someone say
something about our computers
being slow and shitty,
and he just, you know, made the call.
No biggie for him. Huge deal for us.
I'm excited, too.
Hey.
Hi.
Listen, I have to cancel group tonight.
I got a family issue.
Wondered if you wanted to
get together this afternoon.
The two of us?
If that works for you.
I wanted to continue with what
we discussed the other day,
but I don't want too much time
to lapse between sessions.
Do you like to walk?
Sure, what did you have in mind?
Beach.
Dune Point, just north
of the old baths, you know it?
I know of it.
Great. So, in about an hour?
Sure, fine.
I hope everything's okay?
What do you mean?
With your family, with your
family issue, I hope it's okay.
Thank you for saying so.
You're welcome.
D? Is that you, D?
You're calling my phone, Carl.
I need you to come, son.
There's, um, trouble brewing.
I bought a lot of drinks
for a lot of people.
Bring money now.
Where are you?
I'm at the Admiral's Arms.
Quickly, D.
Coming.
S.O.S. from a friend. You game?
Okay.
How do I cope?
You said that after you saw
the boy being thrown
in front of the train,
you found ways to cope.
I just wondered what they were.
Back then, it was school.
How about now?
Work. I run sometimes.
Nothing too unusual.
For me, it was work, and then
drink when work wasn't enough.
What are you talking about?
I had a fall.
Actually in a place
not very different from this.
- You fell off a cliff?
- Uh-huh.
How?
One moment I was walking.
Next thing I knew,
I woke up in an ambulance
with my head in a cage.
My PET scan was not
very dissimilar to yours.
Way to bury a lead, Doc.
Yeah, well, protocol is,
we're not supposed to share
personal details with patients.
Did you feel different after?
Besides the physicals effects?
Double vision, memory loss?
I find I am more prone to anger.
And it has been pointed out to me
that I have grown reckless.
Okay, okay, but you... you must
do something to... to cope.
Not really.
I just embrace.
Whoa!
I think the tide's coming in.
So, I mean, what the f*ck
are we supposed to do now?
Wait it out?
Not with this swell.
This whole place is gonna be
under water very soon.
I hope you can swim.
You're kidding me.
- That's not funny.
- I... It's...
That water is freezing!
It's 56.
I caught the surf report driving in.
Just never thought
to actually check and see
what the tide was doing.
It never occurred to me. Sorry.
But you can swim, right?
Yeah, I can swim,
but I'm not going in there!
Okay. Come on!
This is just, like, five minutes.
Go out around the point,
swells from the north,
that'll help, easy.
You know, I told Dr. Clayton
we should have a sign
emblazoned over the door saying,
"Life begins when things go wrong."
Eldon!
Eldon!
And who, may I ask,
is this lovely young lady
who came to my rescue?
Lorena.
- Lorena.
- Why this, and why today?
Have something to do with
that new boyfriend of yours?
The guy I saw you
talking to in the alley?
All amped up?
That was my son, Alvin.
My son.
The last time I saw him,
he was just a little boy.
What happened?
I'm gay is what happened.
Carl came out,
they cut him off... his family.
Wanted him out of their lives
and said so.
She's sick and dying, Olivia, my wife.
Once.
Had insurance from a job,
but the out-of-pocket expenses
crippled them.
That's what the f*cking
stolen Mayan shit is about?
They needed my help, D.
They're so broke,
it forced them to come to me.
You risked your reputation,
your business.
No more than what you
and I have done together.
Yeah, it is.
We may fudge names and dates,
but the product is all top drawer.
You start letting in hot shit,
third-party assholes,
risk it all for what?
People who dumped you out
like a dirty ashtray.
He's my son, D.
My first son.
When I left here today,
I had no idea what would...
I almost didn't come back here.
I almost died.
You had a limit experience,
swim philosophers call it.
It's a near-death experience,
that point of living
that lies as close as possible
to the impossibility of living.
It can give you knowledge about yourself
that you can't get any other way.
Whether you like it or not.
Like when you fell off that cliff.
Yeah. Going beyond without
actually going beyond.
How'd you feel?
You saved me.
You would have done the same.
I would like to think so.
But I don't think so.
I've done some things
that I know are bad,
and I don't think I would take
them back, even if I could.
How do you feel about
saving my life now?
Maybe you should tell me
about those bad things.
Because you can't decide
how you feel unless you know?
Fine.
Tell me something else, then.
Something else that
I've wondered for a long time.
You remember the story that I told you
about the boy on the train platform?
If I hadn't seen that,
I mean, if I hadn't had
to explain that to myself,
like you said, would I be
the person that I am now?
Would I do the things I do now,
be whatever it is I am,
if I hadn't been there?
You want to know what I think?
I think it might be
the reason why we met.
I'll tell you what I think when
you tell me the whole story.
I don't follow.
The whole story about
why you were there.
Who you were there.
That woman on the platform
was your mother.
The boy was you.
I knew that when you were
telling it to me.
I could hear it in your voice.
You were testing me to see if I could
really hear you, and I can.
That's why I saved you.
And that's the reason we met.
I still need you to trust me,
and you don't.
Until you do, I don't think
we can keep doing this.
Don't forget to have
someone go to the beach,
pick up your car.
I filed it this afternoon.
They promised to look into it further.
The sergeant seemed to already know
something about your history
with Detective Hynes.
Why did you do this?
We had to.
No, I said... I said not right now.
I said I wanted to think about it.
No. Ryan.
I'm sorry.
No. No, no.
- Oh, God.
- But if...
Ryan, if you could see you
the way that I see you.
How upset you are by all this, how hurt.
I couldn't wait.
I couldn't let him do that to you again.
You are too good of a man
to have to deal with this.
I had to do something.
Because we're a team.
Aren't we? Aah!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You are not her.
You will never be her.
Be glad about that.
I am.
Mrs. Atkinson. I'm sorry.
I should have called ahead,
but I was hoping
maybe we could talk.
Uh, look, my husband's not here, okay?
He's at a work dinner.
Oh.
Okay, well, I can talk out here
if it's more comfortable.
How's Pepper?
She's asleep.
I was just wondering if you
and your husband would be open
to sitting down
with Nicole's mother and me
and just talking about what happened.
Civilly.
No offense, but don't you think the time
for that would have been
the moment before your daughter
decided to break my daughter's nose?
Pepper humiliated Nicole
in front of the entire school.
For no other reason apparently
than a sadistic enjoyment
of her own power and moral bankruptcy.
A less charitable person might
call your daughter broken.
Wow, this is what
you call civility, huh?
You know how many kids k*ll themselves
over things like this?
I'm sure you could imagine
an alternate landscape
in which Nicole takes
a handful of pills instead.
I don't know why Pepper did this, okay?
I have no idea. Maybe it's me, you know.
Maybe I'm... I'm the reason.
Maybe I'm the broken one.
I don't really care what I am anyway
because I know that she knows
that I've got her back.
Want to try it?
No, I'm good, thank you.
What's wrong?
Listen.
There's something I want
to talk to you about.
It's something I've been
putting off for a long time.
But so much has happened.
It's time you heard the truth.
About what? You're kind of scaring me.
The reason... I think the reason
that frightening things
feel good to you,
I think it's because I had
a version of that myself.
What are you talking about?
When I was in my 20s,
I was doing my residency,
and, uh, I met a girl.
And it was, uh... it was serious.
I thought it was serious.
And she broke it off.
I didn't take it well.
I did not take it well.
And she moved to San Diego,
and I followed.
I followed, and I followed, and...
She took out a restraining order.
Which I broke, I violated.
Many times.
So eventually I was arrested.
And I was hospitalized,
and I was on su1c1de watch for 28 days.
I could just feel my life unravel.
And I was powerless to stop it.
And when I got out, I had
no money for med school.
I had... I had nothing left.
So, what are we?
I mean, is it some kind
of brain disease?
No, it's, uh...
It's a propensity to compulsion.
Think of it as a genetic predisposition.
To being f*cked up?
Nic, it's... Does mom know?
About what happened,
about everything you said?
No, she does not know any of this.
Oh, my God.
Here I've been thinking I'm crazy,
and now you're telling me I am.
No, you're not. That's what I'm saying.
You're not crazy. We are not crazy.
We just... we just have
to figure out a way
to make this work for us
and not against us.
You need to learn how
to recognize the triggers
and how not to act on them.
- Trust me.
- Why?
You didn't trust me.
Letting me go this long,
thinking that it was me,
that I was nuts.
Every time you talked to me
about what I did,
you were lying.
Why?
I don't know.
I was reluctant to admit the possible...
- I don't know.
- Well, how can you not know?
- Because I...
- You're a neuropsychiatrist!
You should have told me.
You should have told me.
I'm telling you now.
Well, now is too late.
You call that a f*cking plan?
You trap him on the beach,
and you force him to swim,
and you count on yourself
to be able to save his ass?
Yeah, and he's starting to break.
It's working.
Because you knew everything was gonna
play out just like it did.
You were sure.
As opposed to, he drowns,
or he pulls you under,
and you both drown,
or you drown, and he makes it,
or you get eaten by a f*cking shark.
Listen to me, Detective Hynes.
Winter is about to talk.
He's already admitted
to doing bad things
because he was pushed
to a place of extremity.
Somewhere he never would have gotten
if he'd been sitting on a couch.
I don't know, Doc.
But what I do know is that
you just put everything
we've been toward to at risk.
This hump at the bar of justice,
facing a reckoning before this world
for what he's done.
What the f*ck?
What?
You're at home, right?
Turn on your TV now, local news.
And it looks like
they're gonna substitute him.
This morning, a couple
was hiking with their dog
when they found a body.
All this a week after
the body of Travis Webber
was found buried.
Causing the excavation that led to...
Tell me you're seeing this shit.
I'm seeing it.
Now, police are saying
that as many three bodies
have been found...
You forced this guy
to a breaking point, Doc.
Pushing him to an extremity
like you said,
and he may tell you secrets
because of it, but...
but what else?
What else might you have
pushed him to do?
Do you even know?
Sorry this was last minute.
I'm glad you could get free.
You ever have one of those weeks
that kind of turns you on your head?
It's sort of an hour-to-hour
proposition for me.
I feel like we're getting away
with something.
I mean, you're sure this is okay?
Us going out like this?
I'm actually not sure because it isn't.
But if we just keep this
on the DL, we should be fine.
I mean, it's not like
we're hurting anyone, right?
- Hey.
Woman found with her throat cut,
a kid shot in the head
breaking into a car
registered to Ryan Winter.
I'm gonna need you to get into
Ryan Winter's head for me.
You were att*cked by a stranger,
targeted for whatever reason.
Rear choke like that
for longer than 40 seconds,
and you wouldn't be here.
Winter is here in my office.
Change rattles him.
If I keep him here,
can you get into his house?
- Already out the door, Doc.
- You spread that shit around
about me and John.
- Chill out.
- And then just sit here.
You are not my friend!
Whatever, stalker freak.
Someone's broken into my house
and taken things, moved things.
What they stole has no value
other than to me.
- Did you call the police?
- He is the police.
Detective Kevin Hynes.
It really freaked him out, what you did.
Look, I don't give a shit,
but I can't lose this job.
- In case you get hungry.
- Why didn't you scream
- when you saw me in the house?
- 'Cause you're not scary.
When I was 8, I was standing
on a train platform.
This woman had come out
of the crowd, grabbed him,
and tossed him in front of the train.
I found a way to cope.
There's this assh*le
bullied me or whatever.
Anytime somebody bullies you,
you should thank them every day.
Learn to stand up for yourself now.
Anything can be a w*apon.
- Oh.
- Oh!
- Thank you.
- Hey, take a bow.
- For what?
- Your good work
made this happen.
Ryan Winter just donated
$1 million to the unit
in Josefa's name.
Pinch me, right?
This is too good to be true.
I agree.
What?
Come on.
I don't think you should
take this money.
What do you mean, don't? Based on what?
Well, he's a patient with
head trauma for one thing.
We've accepted money from victims
and families of victims before.
I mean, not this much money,
but they donate all the time.
It's not unethical.
It's what helps keep our doors open.
Will you... will you just
listen to me for a second?
I'm just concerned that this donation
is gonna come with strings.
Access.
This is not the type of guy
who can give a million dollars
and just leave it at that.
Fine.
He can have my parking spot.
I'm serious.
So am I.
Do I really have to tell you
what a million dollars
means for this unit?
I know, I know. I just...
I just don't want him
to distract from the people
who actually need us.
Yeah?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Christina, s-slow down.
Is she with you now? Okay.
Uh, I'll meet you
at my place in 20 minutes.
- Nicole?
- Yeah.
I got to go. I'll call you later.
Hey. This money,
it'll be a good thing.
Jesus, carryout check stand 2.
Folic acid and iron and a stool softener
for the iron side effects.
You know they have flowers here.
Folic acid helps protect
your baby against birth defects,
and the iron prevents anemia.
What's your name?
D.
D.
I have a doctor, D.
An O. B. For the baby.
She tells me not to eat raw fish
and weird cheeses or whatever.
And she tells me to take
vitamins, so I do that.
But thank you.
Okay, then.
So, you're stalking me
at the supermarket
because of birth defects?
Hmm?
Then why?
Your boss, he's a very bad man.
That's all I know is bad men.
You're gonna have to say more than that.
He kills people.
- What people?
- Women, mostly.
So, he's gonna k*ll me?
Doubt it. That'd be too obvious,
although I guess you never know.
- You a cop?
- No.
Good.
You ever k*ll anybody?
Nobody anyone would miss.
So, what do you want from me, anyway?
I just figured you should know.
Yeah, that's an answer,
but it's not the whole answer.
You like Chinese food?
Sure.
Golden Pagoda, tomorrow at 2:00.
You can take me to lunch.
The baby likes the chicken
in black bean sauce.
Okay.
Good.
Price check in produce.
Price check in produce.
Cashier 2.
You can tell me the rest
of the answer then.
Nic thanked Pepper?
Right after she broke her nose.
And that Pepper is a piece of work,
just pretending to be her friend
so she could humiliate her?
So, what now?
Expulsion, possibly. I don't know.
I'll know more when I talk
to the dean tomorrow.
What time? I'll come with you.
There's another shoe.
Of course there is.
Her parents are pressing charges,
aggravated as*ault.
Aggravated?
They're saying the book was
a w*apon, a blunt instrument.
The hospital's holding her
overnight for observation.
That's standard concussion protocol.
Okay, well, I guess
I'll go talk to the parents.
And then I'll handle the dean?
Eldon, she's going to be
charged with a felony.
Is there a scenario
where she goes to jail
or some kind of, like,
juvenile detention center?
No.
That's not gonna happen.
I really thought that
we were over this. I...
She was doing so well.
I'll go talk to her.
Do you ever think that
maybe this is our fault?
I mean, she's so bright
and beautiful and young
and unjaded and unspoiled.
I don't know where this is coming from.
I mean, the stalking last year, and now?
I-I keep thinking that the only
common denominator is...
is us.
You had nothing to do with this.
Pepper humiliated me
in front of basically everyone,
so forget putting anything
behind me or starting over.
Not to mention ruining any chance
I had at making any
other friends besides her.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Look, I... I understand
the impulse, I do.
I just...
You ever feel like your life
is just some ride?
You're at a carnival,
you strap yourself in,
and then somebody else decides
how fast or high you go?
But you do have control.
It might not always
feel like that, but...
Yeah, but even before this.
Too many times I'd get up
in the morning and think,
"Here we go again."
Walking the school halls,
worried, wondering what's next,
what's out there waiting for me now?
But today with Pepper?
I was what was waiting.
And to be honest, it felt awesome.
Look, after what Pepper did,
you had every right to be upset.
This is not the way to deal with it.
Really?
You tried "walking and reading"
at the same time lately?
Look, do me a favor.
In the future,
will you talk to me first?
Well, I tried, and I could not
find you anywhere,
so I talked to D.
D?
Yeah, he thinks we should thank bullies.
What? We should... Thank them for what?
Well, he says everyone else
just wants to keep us
weak and calm, but bullies challenge us,
show us how to handle adversity
and give us insight into who we are.
Mm-hmm. So this is
who you really are now?
Mm. I don't know.
I just know that whoever I was today,
I like her way more than who I've been.
This is not smart, you being here.
You got no way of knowing
whether you're gonna run into him.
I wouldn't have had to come
if you'd answer your f*cking cell.
Besides, you said you were
gonna keep him out of here.
He noticed and wrote a check so big,
no one cares what I think.
So, his story about a kid
being throw on the train tracks?
The woman's name is Amy Debbs.
Has a history of mental illness,
in and out of psych wards
until July of '82,
where she tossed this kid on the tracks
at the Emeryville train station.
So that really happened.
Winter was telling the truth.
Yep. And there's more.
The kid, with the grace of f*cking God
ends up under the train or
beside the train and survives.
And Debbs was arrested on the scene
and brought straight in to be processed.
But no one ever claims the kid.
In 1982, Winter would have been 6 or 7.
Yeah, I could never get
anything on Winter's childhood.
I mean, the things I did get,
I couldn't be sure it wasn't
some revisionist history
done after he shot into
rich people stratosphere.
And I don't even know
where he was originally from
or if Winter was even his name.
Where is Amy Debbs now?
Do we know if she's still alive?
Patton State Hospital.
All right, well, I know
one of the deputy chiefs
of psychiatry down there.
I'll give him a call,
see what kind of cocktail
they've got her on.
If she would talk to me.
About?
About why she tried to k*ll her son.
Thank you so much.
The VOVC. I'm one of the schedulers.
Right. I thought what you did
was pretty cool.
What I did?
I've done a lot of things.
Oh, right.
The donation...
the ginormous amount of money.
I thought it was pretty awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Well, thanks.
That was pretty awesome, wasn't it?
Have you worked there a long time?
The unit? Uh, no,
but I used to work with
Dr. Chance when he had his own practice.
No kidding.
You know, I'm working
with Dr. Chance right now.
Yeah, I know.
- You do?
- I mean, I don't know-know.
I mean, I know you are.
I do the scheduling.
I don't know anything else,
so don't worry.
Oh, wow.
It literally sounds like I've never had
an adult conversation before.
So, how long have you known him?
A couple of years. Um...
I used to run his practice.
Anyway, I just wanted to say
that what you did was amazing,
and we all really appreciate it.
What is your name?
Lucy.
Baek.
I'm Ryan Winter, but you know that.
Mm-hmm.
Not just because of stalky
scheduling weirdness.
Also because I'm kind of a tech nerd.
Well, those and "Star Wars"
are my two favorite kinds of nerds.
You know, I'm actually
speaking at a thing...
- Oh.
- ...that you might like.
It's a conference on mixed reality.
Oh! Um, yeah. Uh...
It's just with work and my kid,
it's a little hard
to get away for last-minute stuff.
You're a mom.
Yeah, the single kind.
Well, listen.
If you can get away...
Mm-hmm.
...here's the information.
I... it could be interesting, too.
So, bye. Bye.
Hi.
I'm Nicole's father, Eldon Chance.
I just wanted to check on Pepper,
tell how sorry we all are
that this has happened.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be, pal.
- It's okay.
- I understand your being upset.
Oh, do you?
Because I didn't see you
sleeping in a plastic chair...
- Hey, hey, hey.
- ...all night while nurses
came in to check your daughter's
pupils every hour.
Bob.
Pepper has a nasal fracture.
Thankfully, there's no sign
of concussion.
Just spoke with the attending physician.
What? You talked to her.
I'm a neuropsychiatrist.
I work with a lot
of head trauma patients.
Yeah, it figures, huh?
It's always the shrink's kids
that are the f*cking...
Stop it!
Just take it outside, okay? Both of you.
Maybe this is not the best time.
What was your first clue?
Bob, please.
Once again, I'm so sorry
that this has happened.
And maybe when you're ready,
we can all sit down and talk
about what to do next.
Your daughter f*cking broke
our daughter's nose.
There is nothing for us to talk about.
At all. Okay?
That's what lawyers are for.
Okay, come on. Get your stuff.
Let's get out of here.
Lyndsay!
- Lyndsay!
- Yes?
- Where is the briefc...
- Right here.
Thank you. Listen,
a talk and a lunch, too,
is too much for me.
I'm not gonna be able to d it.
I'm sorry. I told them that you probably
wouldn't be staying to eat.
Did you call them yet?
No.
Do you want me to do it?
No, I will, but just not right now.
- Is the car here?
- It's out front.
You know, trespassing is a crime.
Yeah, I know that.
What am I gonna tell 'em?
That Detective Hynes broke into my house
and rearranged my shirts?
I wouldn't even have known he was here
except he stole my rock.
I would tell me to f*ck off.
- Be that as it may...
- I hate when people say that.
Why is he doing this?
Why is he doing it again?
It's been four years.
Why is he doing it?
Because he wants
to torment you, and he is,
and you can't let him get away with it.
We can't.
We have to deal with it.
Okay, but not right now.
I can't think about this right now.
And you don't have to.
I'm here for that.
Kitchen door open.
Don't schedule
without talking to me first.
You act like you didn't
start this whole shit here.
Like you didn't just wake up
one day and say,
"f*ck them, this is how it's gonna be."
Yes, one day I woke up.
But I never said f*ck you or anyone.
And you know that.
Don't you put that on me.
I guess you could just
remember it however
you want to remember it, huh? Huh?
What I want is for you to tell me
what else I can do to help you.
Carl still jawing
at that guy in the alley?
- Yeah.
- God damn toyboys.
What the f*ck were you doing,
talking to Nicole like that?
What the f*ck were you thinking?
Careful, Doc. Lacquer's wet.
f*ck the lacquer.
She broke a girl's nose.
I didn't tell her to do that.
Just showed her how.
Yeah, you showed her how, all right.
How to get f*cking suspended
and probably expelled
from a public school.
How to go to prison for as*ault.
She's 16, D. She's a child.
A confident member of the tribe
who isn't afraid to
stand up for themselves.
Who's ready to deal on her own
with the reality of the world.
What are you, a life coach?
Listen to yourself.
This isn't a half-empty glass.
This f*cking glass is full.
If she was my kid, I'd take her out
for f*cking ice cream and nunchucks.
She's not your kid. She's mine.
Think of it as a brush-back pitch.
At the very least, Nicole showed this
Pepper to herself.
Oh!
Showed her where that road leads,
and I bet Pepper will give her
a wide berth from now on.
Pepper spent last night in the hospital.
She's a mess.
Parents are on the warpath,
and I don't blame them.
I do. She's a piece of shit.
Pretty sure they had
something to do with that.
You don't start worrying
about their child's morality
- until she's a teenager?
- Oh, Jesus, will...
- They're already broken.
- Will you stop
talking to me about parenting?!
It's a good thing, Doc,
Nicole wanting to stand up,
face her struggle
with honor and dignity.
That's badass.
I don't want my daughter to be badass,
not the way you mean,
not the way you are.
If she ever comes here again
for advice, you better go deaf.
You're welcome.
Yeah.
He sent me signs.
I didn't recognize them at first,
but when I did, they were everywhere.
What was the first sign you saw?
Do you remember?
I had the dishes in the sink.
The TV was on.
And a child had been mauled
by a lion at a zoo in Milwaukee.
And what did that tell you?
That He was coming,
and I had to prove myself.
So, what did you do?
I told Matthew.
Told him what?
That the Lord wanted me to k*ll him.
How old was he when you told him that?
3.
His eyes were like stars.
I would look in them and...
I just couldn't.
You couldn't... you couldn't do
what the Lord was asking?
No.
Did He stop asking?
I thought so.
But then I went into Matthew's
room in the morning,
and Matthew rolled over on his bed,
and he looked at me.
And there was a spider on his pajamas.
So that night, I did it.
You... you tried to k*ll Matthew.
No.
Myself.
But it didn't work.
The way He wanted me to do it
after that was so much worse.
Because I was fighting it.
He wanted Matthew strangled, stabbed,
cut up because I wouldn't listen.
Is that when He told you
about the train?
That's not exactly what he said.
What did he say?
Metal.
Metal was His message.
I couldn't put my hands on my baby.
Not like God wanted me to,
not like that.
Not cut him and s*ab him
and beat him to death.
But when I stopped fighting, I knew.
I stepped out in faith.
The train would fulfill him.
It would be quick.
It would be enough.
People thought I was crazy, too.
I mean, not Amy Debbs crazy,
but they washed their hands
of me pretty much.
I guess I was glad
when the brass shipped me
to Fremont after I, uh...
I told myself, hey,
that's just what I needed
was a clean slate, you know?
That didn't f*cking last.
I mean, Winter for me
is like the princess
and the f*cking pea.
No matter what I do,
that piece of shit keeps me awake.
Why do you think that is?
I mean, to that extent. Is it Travis?
- 'Cause you and he were...
- What?
Us two were what?
Forget it.
You know, we weren't...
if that's what you were thinking.
It wasn't like that.
I've only been with women.
Almost got married, even, twice.
I took the road I knew,
and once I got going,
I ended up where it took me.
Till Travis.
I told myself it was just
a mentor thing,
a parental, like a dad and a son.
You know, but inside,
it all just felt like a load of shit.
Everything felt like shit.
And so, one day, I just...
I just stopped fighting,
and then I said to myself,
I'm gonna just feel what I'm feeling.
Secretly to myself.
In case I was wrong.
What happened?
I guess that's what happiness is.
Got a glimpse of it.
Barrio Cazadores.
Your tattoo, the hunters, Tijuana g*ng.
You affiliated?
It was another life.
Is that where your baby's daddy is?
You don't take girls out
a whole lot, do you?
No.
How'd you become a m*rder*r's maid?
I was a coyote.
Just outside of Tecate.
I would take people
10, 12, 14 hours, on foot,
through the mountains,
until they were picked up
outside Highway 94.
I'd smuggled so many other
people across the border,
I figured I could go ahead
and smuggle myself over.
And I did.
I stayed with a friend.
She would clean houses under the table.
And she couldn't make all of her jobs,
so I started to fill in for her,
and that's how I met Mr. Ryan's
assistant, Lyndsay.
So, what's it like?
It's pretty boring.
There's cleaning, errands,
and Mr. Ryan has
talked to me maybe twice.
He talks to himself a lot, though.
What do you mean, like, he mumbles?
No, more like full-on conversations.
- With who?
- Nobody.
There's nobody there.
It's passionate, or he just
yell, or maybe he's crying,
but there's nobody there.
Mr. Ryan is not all there.
He has his ways.
He hates certain plates,
so a salad plate he hates,
and he has, you know,
this beautiful swimming pool,
but he never uses his swimming pool.
Except maybe one time.
One time a man came over,
and teached him how to swim.
To swim?
Mm-hmm, and he's never been in it since.
You like pie?
I don't like it.
Oh.
I love it.
Awesome.
I'm gonna make a quick phone call,
and then let's go get some pie.
What is this?
Pretty awesome is what it is.
Ryan Winter replaced the whole
unit's computers for free.
Baller.
When? Why... why would he do that?
Apparently, he heard someone say
something about our computers
being slow and shitty,
and he just, you know, made the call.
No biggie for him. Huge deal for us.
I'm excited, too.
Hey.
Hi.
Listen, I have to cancel group tonight.
I got a family issue.
Wondered if you wanted to
get together this afternoon.
The two of us?
If that works for you.
I wanted to continue with what
we discussed the other day,
but I don't want too much time
to lapse between sessions.
Do you like to walk?
Sure, what did you have in mind?
Beach.
Dune Point, just north
of the old baths, you know it?
I know of it.
Great. So, in about an hour?
Sure, fine.
I hope everything's okay?
What do you mean?
With your family, with your
family issue, I hope it's okay.
Thank you for saying so.
You're welcome.
D? Is that you, D?
You're calling my phone, Carl.
I need you to come, son.
There's, um, trouble brewing.
I bought a lot of drinks
for a lot of people.
Bring money now.
Where are you?
I'm at the Admiral's Arms.
Quickly, D.
Coming.
S.O.S. from a friend. You game?
Okay.
How do I cope?
You said that after you saw
the boy being thrown
in front of the train,
you found ways to cope.
I just wondered what they were.
Back then, it was school.
How about now?
Work. I run sometimes.
Nothing too unusual.
For me, it was work, and then
drink when work wasn't enough.
What are you talking about?
I had a fall.
Actually in a place
not very different from this.
- You fell off a cliff?
- Uh-huh.
How?
One moment I was walking.
Next thing I knew,
I woke up in an ambulance
with my head in a cage.
My PET scan was not
very dissimilar to yours.
Way to bury a lead, Doc.
Yeah, well, protocol is,
we're not supposed to share
personal details with patients.
Did you feel different after?
Besides the physicals effects?
Double vision, memory loss?
I find I am more prone to anger.
And it has been pointed out to me
that I have grown reckless.
Okay, okay, but you... you must
do something to... to cope.
Not really.
I just embrace.
Whoa!
I think the tide's coming in.
So, I mean, what the f*ck
are we supposed to do now?
Wait it out?
Not with this swell.
This whole place is gonna be
under water very soon.
I hope you can swim.
You're kidding me.
- That's not funny.
- I... It's...
That water is freezing!
It's 56.
I caught the surf report driving in.
Just never thought
to actually check and see
what the tide was doing.
It never occurred to me. Sorry.
But you can swim, right?
Yeah, I can swim,
but I'm not going in there!
Okay. Come on!
This is just, like, five minutes.
Go out around the point,
swells from the north,
that'll help, easy.
You know, I told Dr. Clayton
we should have a sign
emblazoned over the door saying,
"Life begins when things go wrong."
Eldon!
Eldon!
And who, may I ask,
is this lovely young lady
who came to my rescue?
Lorena.
- Lorena.
- Why this, and why today?
Have something to do with
that new boyfriend of yours?
The guy I saw you
talking to in the alley?
All amped up?
That was my son, Alvin.
My son.
The last time I saw him,
he was just a little boy.
What happened?
I'm gay is what happened.
Carl came out,
they cut him off... his family.
Wanted him out of their lives
and said so.
She's sick and dying, Olivia, my wife.
Once.
Had insurance from a job,
but the out-of-pocket expenses
crippled them.
That's what the f*cking
stolen Mayan shit is about?
They needed my help, D.
They're so broke,
it forced them to come to me.
You risked your reputation,
your business.
No more than what you
and I have done together.
Yeah, it is.
We may fudge names and dates,
but the product is all top drawer.
You start letting in hot shit,
third-party assholes,
risk it all for what?
People who dumped you out
like a dirty ashtray.
He's my son, D.
My first son.
When I left here today,
I had no idea what would...
I almost didn't come back here.
I almost died.
You had a limit experience,
swim philosophers call it.
It's a near-death experience,
that point of living
that lies as close as possible
to the impossibility of living.
It can give you knowledge about yourself
that you can't get any other way.
Whether you like it or not.
Like when you fell off that cliff.
Yeah. Going beyond without
actually going beyond.
How'd you feel?
You saved me.
You would have done the same.
I would like to think so.
But I don't think so.
I've done some things
that I know are bad,
and I don't think I would take
them back, even if I could.
How do you feel about
saving my life now?
Maybe you should tell me
about those bad things.
Because you can't decide
how you feel unless you know?
Fine.
Tell me something else, then.
Something else that
I've wondered for a long time.
You remember the story that I told you
about the boy on the train platform?
If I hadn't seen that,
I mean, if I hadn't had
to explain that to myself,
like you said, would I be
the person that I am now?
Would I do the things I do now,
be whatever it is I am,
if I hadn't been there?
You want to know what I think?
I think it might be
the reason why we met.
I'll tell you what I think when
you tell me the whole story.
I don't follow.
The whole story about
why you were there.
Who you were there.
That woman on the platform
was your mother.
The boy was you.
I knew that when you were
telling it to me.
I could hear it in your voice.
You were testing me to see if I could
really hear you, and I can.
That's why I saved you.
And that's the reason we met.
I still need you to trust me,
and you don't.
Until you do, I don't think
we can keep doing this.
Don't forget to have
someone go to the beach,
pick up your car.
I filed it this afternoon.
They promised to look into it further.
The sergeant seemed to already know
something about your history
with Detective Hynes.
Why did you do this?
We had to.
No, I said... I said not right now.
I said I wanted to think about it.
No. Ryan.
I'm sorry.
No. No, no.
- Oh, God.
- But if...
Ryan, if you could see you
the way that I see you.
How upset you are by all this, how hurt.
I couldn't wait.
I couldn't let him do that to you again.
You are too good of a man
to have to deal with this.
I had to do something.
Because we're a team.
Aren't we? Aah!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You are not her.
You will never be her.
Be glad about that.
I am.
Mrs. Atkinson. I'm sorry.
I should have called ahead,
but I was hoping
maybe we could talk.
Uh, look, my husband's not here, okay?
He's at a work dinner.
Oh.
Okay, well, I can talk out here
if it's more comfortable.
How's Pepper?
She's asleep.
I was just wondering if you
and your husband would be open
to sitting down
with Nicole's mother and me
and just talking about what happened.
Civilly.
No offense, but don't you think the time
for that would have been
the moment before your daughter
decided to break my daughter's nose?
Pepper humiliated Nicole
in front of the entire school.
For no other reason apparently
than a sadistic enjoyment
of her own power and moral bankruptcy.
A less charitable person might
call your daughter broken.
Wow, this is what
you call civility, huh?
You know how many kids k*ll themselves
over things like this?
I'm sure you could imagine
an alternate landscape
in which Nicole takes
a handful of pills instead.
I don't know why Pepper did this, okay?
I have no idea. Maybe it's me, you know.
Maybe I'm... I'm the reason.
Maybe I'm the broken one.
I don't really care what I am anyway
because I know that she knows
that I've got her back.
Want to try it?
No, I'm good, thank you.
What's wrong?
Listen.
There's something I want
to talk to you about.
It's something I've been
putting off for a long time.
But so much has happened.
It's time you heard the truth.
About what? You're kind of scaring me.
The reason... I think the reason
that frightening things
feel good to you,
I think it's because I had
a version of that myself.
What are you talking about?
When I was in my 20s,
I was doing my residency,
and, uh, I met a girl.
And it was, uh... it was serious.
I thought it was serious.
And she broke it off.
I didn't take it well.
I did not take it well.
And she moved to San Diego,
and I followed.
I followed, and I followed, and...
She took out a restraining order.
Which I broke, I violated.
Many times.
So eventually I was arrested.
And I was hospitalized,
and I was on su1c1de watch for 28 days.
I could just feel my life unravel.
And I was powerless to stop it.
And when I got out, I had
no money for med school.
I had... I had nothing left.
So, what are we?
I mean, is it some kind
of brain disease?
No, it's, uh...
It's a propensity to compulsion.
Think of it as a genetic predisposition.
To being f*cked up?
Nic, it's... Does mom know?
About what happened,
about everything you said?
No, she does not know any of this.
Oh, my God.
Here I've been thinking I'm crazy,
and now you're telling me I am.
No, you're not. That's what I'm saying.
You're not crazy. We are not crazy.
We just... we just have
to figure out a way
to make this work for us
and not against us.
You need to learn how
to recognize the triggers
and how not to act on them.
- Trust me.
- Why?
You didn't trust me.
Letting me go this long,
thinking that it was me,
that I was nuts.
Every time you talked to me
about what I did,
you were lying.
Why?
I don't know.
I was reluctant to admit the possible...
- I don't know.
- Well, how can you not know?
- Because I...
- You're a neuropsychiatrist!
You should have told me.
You should have told me.
I'm telling you now.
Well, now is too late.
You call that a f*cking plan?
You trap him on the beach,
and you force him to swim,
and you count on yourself
to be able to save his ass?
Yeah, and he's starting to break.
It's working.
Because you knew everything was gonna
play out just like it did.
You were sure.
As opposed to, he drowns,
or he pulls you under,
and you both drown,
or you drown, and he makes it,
or you get eaten by a f*cking shark.
Listen to me, Detective Hynes.
Winter is about to talk.
He's already admitted
to doing bad things
because he was pushed
to a place of extremity.
Somewhere he never would have gotten
if he'd been sitting on a couch.
I don't know, Doc.
But what I do know is that
you just put everything
we've been toward to at risk.
This hump at the bar of justice,
facing a reckoning before this world
for what he's done.
What the f*ck?
What?
You're at home, right?
Turn on your TV now, local news.
And it looks like
they're gonna substitute him.
This morning, a couple
was hiking with their dog
when they found a body.
All this a week after
the body of Travis Webber
was found buried.
Causing the excavation that led to...
Tell me you're seeing this shit.
I'm seeing it.
Now, police are saying
that as many three bodies
have been found...
You forced this guy
to a breaking point, Doc.
Pushing him to an extremity
like you said,
and he may tell you secrets
because of it, but...
but what else?
What else might you have
pushed him to do?
Do you even know?
Sorry this was last minute.
I'm glad you could get free.
You ever have one of those weeks
that kind of turns you on your head?
It's sort of an hour-to-hour
proposition for me.
I feel like we're getting away
with something.
I mean, you're sure this is okay?
Us going out like this?
I'm actually not sure because it isn't.
But if we just keep this
on the DL, we should be fine.
I mean, it's not like
we're hurting anyone, right?