Transcripts - Forever Dreaming

♪ Come and listen to my
story 'bout a man named Jed

♪ A poor mountaineer
barely kept his family fed

♪ And then one day he
was sh**ting at some food

♪ And up through the
ground come a-bubbling crude

♪ Oil, that is ♪
Black gold Texas tea

♪ Well, the first thing you
know old Jed's a millionaire

♪ The kinfolk said "Jed,
move away from there"

♪ Said "California's
the place you oughta be"

♪ So they loaded up the
truck and they moved to Beverly

♪ Hills, that is

♪ Swimming pools Movie stars ♪

The Beverly Hillbillies.

Where's Jethro?

I got taters to be dug
and he's nowhere in sight.

I'll dig 'em for you, Granny.
The boy's out looking for work.

He don't have to look for
it, I got plenty right here.

Well, he's looking for the kind of
work that'll pay him some money.

What does he need with money?

You give him fifty cents a week.

Well, he claims that
it takes more than that

to court a Beverly Hills
girl in first class style.

Aaah.

Besides, he wants a job
where he can use his education.

That's what's ruined him...
all that high education.

He thinks he's too
good to do hand labor.

Wants to be a white collar man.

Granny, the way
Jethro spills food,

he ain't never gonna
be a white collar man.

Well, I still say they ain't nobody
needs that much education.

Well, considering he wants to be a
atomic scientist or a brain surgeon,

I don't think it's too much
to graduate sixth grade.

Well, I don't know
about atomic scientists,

but speaking as a doctor,

I can tell you
that it don't take

no six years of schooling
to be a brain surgeon.

Must be off-season
for them, anyway.

Jethro looked all through
these help-wanted ads

and there wasn't one
calling for a brain surgeon.

Or for a atomic scientist,
either, come to think of it.

Well, then, what kinda
work is he looking for?

Well, Jethro said just to
pick up some pocket money,

he was gonna run by the movie
studio and see if Mr. Chapman

had any odd jobs for him,
like producing a picture.

Well, uh, no, Jethro,

I'm afraid I don't have any
openings right now for a producer.

I'd be awful good, Mr. Chapman.

Oh, you're perfectly
qualified, Jethro.

You've got a sixth grade education
and your uncle owns the studio.

It's just that I don't
need a producer.

It don't have to be
producing, Mr. Chapman.

I'll do anything for
some quick money.

How about directing or starring?

You are desperate for work.

Yeah, but that don't
mean I'll work cheap.

You got to beat
what I get at home.

Fifty cents a week.

- You've got yourself priced right.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I'm sorry, Mr. Chapman,
but the guard says

there's an uncontrollable
mob of girls at the gate.

They demand to see El Magnifico.

- Who?
- The great lover.

How'd they know I was here?

This is El Magnifico, Jethro.

He's a famous matador.
We're making a movie with him.

- Tell Ralph to put on an extra guard.
- Yes, sir.

- This guy's a great lover?
- That's right.

Well, heckfire, he ain't
even out of knee britches.

That's what a matador wears
when he fights bulls, Jethro.

Fights bulls?

Yes, that's his profession.
He's a bullfighter.

Boy, he's harder
up for a job than me.

[CHUCKLES] Don't kid yourself.

Matadors are not
only popular with girls,

- they make a great deal of money.
- Fighting bulls?

Mr. Chapman, the girls
caught sight of El Magnifico

- and they've broken through the gates.
- What?

- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
- [WOMEN SCREAMING]

[ALL SHRIEKING]

Uncle Jed, can we get us a bull?

A bull? What for?

- I'm gonna fight the booger.
- Fight him?

Yeah. That's gonna
be my life's calling,

fighting bulls and
beating off women.

Whatever it was that
mashed your hat out of shape

didn't do your brain
no good neither.

This ain't my hat, this belongs to
a fella by the name of El Magnifico.

He's been fighting
bulls for ten years.

If he don't like 'em, why don't
he stay out of the pasture?

He don't fight 'em for spite.
He fights 'em for money.

- He gets paid?
- Yeah, thousands of dollars.

- For fighting bulls?
- Yeah.

Boy, somebody's
been greenin' you.

Uncle Jed, it's the truth.

Well, if it ain't the educated
white collar worker.

Did you get a job
producing movies?

No, ma'am, Granny. I done
decided on a new life's calling.

That is, if Uncle Jed'll give
me the money to buy a bull.

Now, the boy is talking sense.

Raising cattle is
good honest work.

I ain't gonna raise cattle.

Then what you want with a bull?

Don't ask, Granny,
it'll just get you riled.

Why should I get riled?

A honest answer
turneth away wrath.

Now, tell your Granny what
you gonna do with the bull.

I'm gonna fight him.

Don't you give me
any smart mouth!

Granny, I ain't giving
you no smart mouth.

Bullfighters makes lots of money
and girls just goes crazy for 'em.

- I warned you!
- Now, Granny...

Well, where'd he
get a story like that?

Well, I figure somebody's just trying
to unload a bad bull on a green boy.

I tell you, I seen it
with my own eyes.

There was a skinny, little fella
wearing a sissy suit with knee britches,

and a whole bunch of pretty
girls throwed themselves on him

like ducks on a June bug.

- How come?
- 'Cause he fights bulls.

Are you gonna give
me a straight answer?

- That the only reason?
- Well, it had to be.

I was standing right there
and they grabbed him.

Must of been uncommon
handsome man.

Compared to me?

Yeah, well reckon there's lots of
things in this world we don't understand.

I don't care nothing about understanding
it, I just wanna get in on it.

- Aaah.
- How about it, Uncle Jed,

can I get a bull
and go to fighting?

You can get a tater
fork and go to digging.

I done dug them taters. Here
boy, take these out to the kitchen.

Women don't chase tater-toters.

- You got one chasing you!
- [BOTH YELLING]

Where did Jethro get this hat?

Claims it belonged
to that bullfighter.

His head must of
run mostly to ears.

Granny, I got a idea.
Let's get us a bull.

- What?
- Now, hear me out.

We been wanting to have a
good old-fashioned barbecue.

- But Jethro'll go to fighting it.
- Not for long.

Appears to me there ain't nothing
a man can get his fill of faster

- than scrapping with a bull.
- Ain't you afraid he'll get hurt?

No, good stout bull
can take care of hisself.

Well...

If there's one thing Jethro
would like better than fighting it,

it'd be eating it. [GIGGLES]

This way he can do both.

I put the taters in the
bin for you, Granny.

Thank you, boy. And now
I got good news for you.

- We's gonna get a bull.
- Hot dog!

I'm going right out
and buy me a big club.

Hold on, boy. You ain't gonna
tie into that critter with a club.

Heck, no, that's to
beat off the women.

Milburn, be reasonable. I
know we're a little overbudget.

You're a hundred
thousand dollars overbudget.

But we're making the greatest bullfight
picture of all time, Sand and Blood.

I don't mind the sand, but
stop spending my blood.

Chief, this picture will thrill
millions of aficionados like myself.

It will be the movie
debut of El Magnifico.

El Baloney. I want
this picture wrapped up.

Now, you tell him to throw
his bull and get back to Spain.

Well, you just don't say that
to the world's greatest matador.

I'll say it to him. Now you
get that steer jockey in here.

Get going! El Scrammo!

I will not stand here
and allow you to insult

one of the greatest toreros
to ever enter a bull ring.

Only last month in Madrid they
gave him both ears, the tail and a hoof.

Well, that's what I'm
gonna give him... a hoof.

Right back to Spain!

Are we paying
his transportation?

- Yes, but...
- Well, put him on a cattle boat.

He can fight bulls
all the way home.

Chief, obviously you
do not understand

that bullfighting transcends a mere
contest between man and beast.

It's an art form, a ritual.

A drama that has been
woven into the very fabric

of Spanish history
for a thousand years.

And this drama has produced
its greatest personality

in the person of El Magnifico.

Yes, and we're
putting him on film.

We're putting him on a boat!

Milburn, just the women who come to
see this picture will make it a success.

That's true, El Magnifico is one of
the world's most eligible bachelors.

Yes, he'll make the hundred
thousand back for you.

That clown wouldn't know what
a hundred thousand looks like.

- He gets 100,000 for one bullfight!
- What?

That clown is worth
five million dollars!

How dare you call him a clown!

We can't let this
man go back to Spain.

He must stay here...
with his money.

His money is in Spain.

I'll take care of that.

He can't stay here, he's
not an American citizen.

He will be if he marries
an American girl.

And I know just the girl, the
perfect mate for El Magnifico.

Oh, chief, do you
really think so?

Yes. Elly May Clampett.

Elly May? But they
have nothing in common.

You call a joint savings
account of twenty million nothing?

Who has insulted me?

What idiota dares to call
El Magnifico "steer jockey"?

Idiota!

Forgive him, Your Majesty, he
doesn't realize that bullfighting

is an art form, a ritual, a
drama that has been woven

into the very fabric of Spanish
history for a thousand years.

A drama that has produced
its greatest performer

in the person of El Magnifico.

Gracias.

Ramon Miguel de Santoya y
Manzanares, at your service.

El Milburno Tobasco
de Drysdale, at yours.

- You are Spanish?
- To the core.

Hablemos en Español.

No, no, no, not in
front of these clowns.

Now, why don't you
get back to the set,

and later on I'll have a
wonderful surprise for you.

Muchas gracias.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Olé!

That was the most reprehensible
behavior I have ever witnessed.

You are completely
devoid of decency.

Gracias.

Come on, Ms. Hathaway,
let's get over to the Clampetts.

Hey, y'all come
out and see my bull.

- You get a good one, Jethro?
- I'll say. Got horns clean out to here.

And strong as a bull.

That figures.

You can tell by looking at
him, he's a real scrapper.

- We'll be out directly.
- Wash up and have some victuals.

I dassn't, Granny. Elly's out
there and that rascal's liable

to throw her clean
over the house.

Hey, Elly, get
away from that bull!

Isn't he cute, Jethro?
I'm gonna call him Marvin.

- This thing ain't no pet.
- Well, what you gonna do with him?

- I'm gonna fight him.
- Well, what for?

- For fame, fortune and females.
- Huh?

There's something about
seeing a man fight a bull

- that just drives women wild.
- How come?

I don't know, but you watch
and see if it stirs you up

- when I go to tussling with him.
- Okay.

Come on, bull, let's mix it up.

Come on!

I dare you, cross
over that line.

Well, come on, I'm
spotting you 800 pounds.

How's that, Elly?

I'm commencing
to get stirred up.

Hot dog! Now I'll show
you my stepover toe hold.

Is he fighting it, Jed?

I don't know if he's
fighting it or trying to shoe it.

Give!

Well, I'm commencing
to get real stirred up.

I seen better wrestling
at a sheep shearing.

What's the bull doing?

He's looking at
Jethro, kinda puzzled.

What's Jethro doing?

I think that's what the
bull's trying to figure out.

Well, if that's all
there is to bullfighting,

I don't think it's
gonna catch on.

It's a lotta nonsense.

Jethro'll just get that
critter so muscle-bound

he'll be too stringy
to barbecue.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- I'll see who it is at the door, Jed.

Okay, Granny, you ain't
likely to miss nothing.

All right, Elly, get ready to
be stirred to a peak of frenzy.

I'm gonna jump on this
rascal and throw him

with a combination horn
lock and stomach scissors.

Oh, Jethro!

[JETHRO YELLING]

There's a crowd pleaser.

Looks like the bull's getting the
hang of the fighting even if you ain't.

The bull didn't
do this, Elly did.

Well, he was
fixing to hurt Marvin!

Yeah, she's gonna make a pet outta
my fighting bull and ruin my career.

And I'm on the way to
fame, fortune and females.

Elly, leave him be!

She's gonna have
him fetching sticks.

Don't knock it, boy, it's better
than what you had him doing.

- What is it?
- What happened?

Oh, nothing, Elly just throwed
Jethro through the door.

Oh, the poor boy! Is he hurt?

Mr. Clampett, Granny.

There couldn't be a better
time to tell you my good news.

I have a man for Elly.

Praise be! Fetch him in,
we'll have a wedding barbecue.

Whoa now, hold on, we ought to
know something about the feller.

Of course. Well,
he's a bachelor...

That's enough, fetch him in!

I couldn't do that anyway.

You see, Granny, he's in a
movie at Mr. Clampett's studio.

Hear that Jed?
He's a movie star.

Well, not yet, he's
actually a matador.

He's making Sand and Blood.

I don't care if he's just
making room and board.

Elly May!

Tell me some more about
this feller, Mr. Drysdale.

- You know what kind of a man he is?
- To the penny.

What I mean is, he a
nice fella? Nice looking?

Mr. Clampett, wherever this
man goes, all over the world,

women throw
themselves at his feet.

Well, I don't downgrade
good looking feet...

I'll have her ready in
a jiffy, Mr. Drysdale.

I'll go along and help them pick
out just the right dress for this fellow.

He's something special.

Danged if he ain't. Pretty
feet and wears a dress.


Hey, Uncle Jed, Ms.
Jane straightened me out

- on that bullfighting business.
- She did, huh?

Yeah, turns out you don't
hand wrestle 'em at all.

Just kinda wasted
your time, huh?

Yeah, but I know what to do now.

- What's the tablecloth for?
- For the bull.

Wait a minute, boy, let
your Granny cook him first.

Jethro!

Now, you bring Mr. Moan home
with you for victuals tonight, Elly.

Mr. who?

Didn't you say his
name was Ray Moan?

[CHUCKLING] Oh, yes.

I'll bake a couple of possums
and I'll puree some crow gizzards.

- [ELLY WHISTLES]
- Well, maybe he'll want

to take Elly to a
Spanish restaurant.

You see, they like their
food highly flavored.

Oh. Well, if he likes his
victuals with a high flavor,

I'll chicken-fry a polecat and
I'll open up some goat cheese.

We'll let you know, Granny.

- Goodbye. Be a good girl, Elly.
- I will, Granny.

Doggone it, I wanted to find
out more about Elly's feller.

Well, maybe Ms.
Jane'll know something.

I wouldn't ask too
many questions, Jed.

The time is past
when we can be choicy.

Elly's a old maid.

She ain't no such thing. Old
maid commences at twenty.

That's city counting.
But you know, and I know

that the prime marrying
age is between 12 and 14.

Anything over that is a long
shot with a limb in the way.

Well, I aim to find out more
about him than he's got purty feet.

Ha-hah! Ho! Ha-hah!

[GRUNTING]

Ha-hah! Toro!

[ROARING]

There, see? That's how
you're supposed to do it.

[SIGHS] I'm afraid
it's hopeless, Jethro.

Marvin is simply
not a fighting bull.

I sure would like to see
the kind old Magnifico fights.

Let's go over to the studio.

They're filming a
corrida this afternoon.

Hot dog! I'll get my coat.

Toro! Toro! Toro!

Toro!

Excuse me, Ms. Jane, but
you hadn't oughta to wave

nothing red in front of a bull.

Oh, but that's a... [CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

Say, have you seen this fella
that Mr. Drysdale's got for Elly?

Oh, indeed I have.
What a beautiful man!

Beautiful?

From his pink stockings
right up to his pigtail.

Let's go, Ms. Jane.
See you later, Uncle Jed.

Bye.

Pink stockings and pigtails. And
after Elly waited so long for a man.

Ah, Ramon.

Here's your lovely
surprise, just as I promised.

Señorita Elly May Clampett,
may I present El Magnifico.

Howdy.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

- What'd he say?
- "Howdy."

I'm sorry to cut this short,
but the Plaza de Toros set

is clear over on the back lot.

We've got 5,000 extras waiting.

Please, come and sit in the front
row and I will cut off an ear for you.

Oh, don't do that!

You only got two.

- What did she mean by that?
- "Howdy."

Well, you run
along, we'll be there.

Hasta luego.

Now, Elly May,
how'd you like him?

Well, he's awful pretty.

But back home fellas ain't
marrying age till they's in long pants.

[CHUCKLES] He's old enough.
He'll make a great husband.

Well, I wouldn't
mind cooking for him.

I sure would hate to have
to wash and iron that suit.

Oh. [LAUGHS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Oh, you're just in time. El
Magnifico is beginning his cape work.

CROWD: Olé!

Olé!

Purty near got him.

CROWD: Olé! Olé!

Why don't he throw
away that old red overcoat

and lay down like
everybody's telling him.

He's gonna get hurt.

No, he's not, Elly, he's
just teasing the bull.

- Teasing it?
- Yes, to tire it out.

Hey, you stop teasing that bull!
Stop it or I ain't gonna marry you!

Elly, Elly, don't distract
him! The bull might get him.

CROWD: Ole!

He's done it again.

No, Elly, don't!

Elly, no!

[CROWD EXCLAIMING]

That bull!

I didn't even hear him coming.

It wasn't the bull, it was me!

And what's more, I
ain't gonna marry you.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

And you ain't gonna make
up to me with no "howdy."

Oh!

Hey, Mr. Drysdale.
What happened?

Your cousin Elly just threw
El Magnifico out of the...

- Where did you get that?
- Over to wardrobe.

Ms. Jane done learnt
me to be a bullfighter.

Boy, am I gonna
get the women now.

Jethro, you don't know how...

Hey, there's a
bull that ain't busy.

Yes, but you don't want to...

Jethro? Jethro!

Jethro, get out of there!

Hah, bull! It's me, El Jethro.

You and me's gonna fight...

Of course it ain't
really fighting.

I'm just gonna wave
this fancy tablecloth

and duck aside
when you run at me.

[SNORTING]

Come on, don't be scared.
I ain't gonna hurt you.

Jethro, run!

I ain't supposed to run, he is.

Come on, bull!

CROWD: Olé!

Hey, watch them horns.

Don't want you ripping
my fancy britches.

Ow! You stepped on my toes!

This time I'll get my
feet out of your way.

There, now come on!

Let's make it look good, so
I can get me some women.

CROWD: Olé!

[SNORTING]

Hey look, nobody
likes a smart aleck bull.

You do that again, I'm gonna
throw away that tablecloth

and clamp my body
scissors on you.

Jethro, you'll be
torn to pieces!

Yeah, I know, them
women's gonna mob me.

[LAUGHS]

Hey, wait a minute,
I ain't ready yet!

Ms. Jane, this stupid
bull ain't fighting fair!

Tell it what to do!

[CROWD GASPING]

Mr. Jethro, you shouldn't
have gone in there!

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

But that bull sure
needs some lessons.

What you wearing, boy?

This here's what you
call a suit of lights.

Well, let's go plug it
in and see how it looks.

It ain't electric, Uncle Jed.

This here's what you
wear fighting bulls.

You look kinda stoved up.

Bunch of girls fling
theirselves at you?

No, but that bull sure did.

I think that's why they
call it a suit of lights...

when that bull hits you,
your light's 40 foot away.

I take it you ain't gonna
make it you life's calling.

I'll say I ain't. I'm going
back to being a brain surgeon.

Well, how come
you kept the suit?

I'm gonna be working
mostly around' bull rings.

Lot of call for a brain
surgeon in there?

They's gotta be, Uncle Jed.

Anybody that fights bulls for a
living needs a lot of work on his brain.

♪ Well, now it's time to say
goodbye to Jed and all his kin

♪ They would like to thank
you folks for kindly dropping in

♪ You're all invited back
next week to this locality

♪ To have a heaping
helping of their hospitality

♪ Hillbilly, that is

♪ Set a spell Take
your shoes off ♪

Y'all come back now, you hear?

ELLY: This has been a
Filmways presentation.