01x15 - No Pain, No Game

[bunniefuu]

Last time on total drama island

the bass and gopher teams

were disbanded into a battle of the sexes challenge

that put their taste buds to the puke test.

with bovine testicles, live bug insect pizza

and liquid roach juice on the menu,

not only was this the single biggest retch fest

this house has ever seen,

but owen's obscene consumption habits

finally paid off and scored a big win for his compadres.

while the guys set sail on a weekend retreat

aboard the s.s. Lap-o-luxury,

the girls set down territorial tape,

forcing newcomer bridgette to choose sides.

now that heather has drawn the line,

will leshawna cross the line?

can bridgette mend the line before gwen shreds the line?

and can lindsay recognize any line

that's not a tan line?

For the answers to all these cliffhangers and more,

Stay tuned to the most exciting episode yet

On total drama island.

Chorus: ♪ dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me what I wanted to be ♪

♪ And now I think the answer is plain to see ♪

♪ I want to be famous ♪

♪ I want to live close to the sun ♪

♪ Well pack your bags cause I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ 'Cause I want to be famous ♪

♪ Nana na'na naana nana nana na nana nana na ♪

♪ I want to be, I want to be, I want to be famous ♪

♪ I want to be, I want to be, I want to be famous ♪

(Whistling i want to be famous)

(Buzzing)

-Aah. -Oops.

Lindsay, you are a total--

(Yacht horn blows)

(Dance music playing)

What a weekend.

Ooh-wee!

Oh, sweet mother of mirth.

You can't buy that kind of fun.

I think owen and d.j.

Took a real shine to those lovely ladies

Who served us hand and foot.

Hello, the spa treatments?

My alligator elbows, totally gone.

Ooh, like velvet.

Those should have been my alligator elbows

Getting the hand and foot treatment.

Anyone care for

A chocolate coated cherry blossom?

No!

It's okay, dude,

The ladies are just a little jealous.

Yeah. Who can blame them?

They can barely stand each other.

And meanwhile, us guys are tighter than family.

Guys rule. I love you guys.

chris: (on loudspeaker) listen up, campers,

as of right now,

all teams are officially dissolved.

from here on in,

it's every camper for themselves.

(Clears throat) well, uh, it's about time we flew solo.

Oh-ho-ho. I am feeling that.

Bring it on, chris.

then get ready for this.

-(Horn blows) -(gasps)

You frightened me.

What?

But that's impossible.

Aw, man, what is she doing here?

chris: back by popular audience demand, it's eva.

That's right, I'm back.

And just so we're clear, not only am I gonna kick butt,

But I'm giving special attention

To my backstabbing bass team who voted me off.

Wait a sec.

You said no one is allowed back.

chris: I did?

And once you leave--

And once you leave on the dock of shame,

On the boat of losers, you can never,

Never ever, ever come back.

oh, yeah, that.

yeah, I lied.

You can't do that. It's not fair.

Whoa, girl, you're reasoning with a loudspeaker.

That just does not look good.

(Heavy breathing)

So, eva, what you been doing since you left the island?

Taking anger management classes.

I seem to remember you thinking I needed them.

She was an audience favorite?

chris: not really,

but we liked her.

also returning to camp, it's izzy.

All: oh, no!

Ya-ha!

Hey, guys, it's good to be back at camp

Even though I never actually left the island.

I've been living in the woods all this time.

But I thought the r.c.m.p. Hunted you down.

They tried.

But being a wilderness survivor,

I was swift-footed and avoided capture.

Once I was safe among my animal brethren,

It was just me against the harsh elements.

You call this harsh?

It's been warm and sunny all week.

Not where I was.

But luckily I was able to take refuge in the beaver dam.

yeah, I befriended the family of beavers

Who lived there and together we foraged for nuts and berries.

Boy, I could use a bag of nachos right now.

(Howls)

So what's new with you guys?

chris: all righty, campers, report to the amphitheater

where you'll learn all about this week's challenge.

mclean out.

Woo-hoo! Another challenge.

Party!

Gimme .

Uh, dude, you heard the loudspeaker.

It's every camper for themselves.

(Horn blows)

Ah.

What's with the tape?

Somebody better answer me.

Me and heather here got a little territorial.

but we're all cool now.

right, heather?

(Pulls tape off)

Absolutely. Want my bunk, eva?

I want this one.

Unless miss backstabbing traitor

Who voted me off has a problem with that?

Okay, you know what?

You can get all up in her face,

But don't forget, we are all here to win.

You got that right, sister thunder-thighs.

Oh, oh, oh.

Tell me the macho mama with butt cheeks

Tighter than my weave did not just say that.

Whoa, time out.

Can we just talk this out over low-cal snacks?

Whatever. I'm still gonna win.

Hey, thanks for stepping in.

Oh, my pleasure.

Nobody disses shawny's thighs.

That girl is getting on my last nerve.

chris: welcome to your next challenge,

the time honored game of t*rture.

"Say uncle."

You are all about to be put through test of endurance

so insane that some of 'em sent our interns

to the emergency room.

If you back down from the challenge

Or do not last the required seconds,

You will be eliminated.

The winner will not only be safe from elimination,

But will win this luxurious trailer,

yours to take home at the end of the summer.

What kinds of t*rture?

Why don't you ask my lovely assistant?

all right. let's do this.

Duncan, you're first up.

Let's spin the wheel of misfortune

To select your t*rture.

turtle puck sh*ts.

Our intern spent weeks collecting the grumpiest,

Angriest, crustiest, hungriest

Old snapping turtles on the island.

While you stand in the goalie net

Completely unprotected,

chef will fire off turtle snap sh*ts.

If I were you, dude, I'd protect my coconuts.

This could get ugly.

If you can stay in for seconds,

You'll go on to the second round.

(Buzzer)

Huh?

Ow!

And duncan moves on to the next round.

Isn't this fun?

Yeah. It's a riot.

Whoa. That was harsh.

Don't talk to me.

Are you still mad about the whole

"Burying you alive" thing?

Uh, yeah.

I'll never forgive myself for that one.

You know, you're totally the last person

Here I'd leave buried in the sand

if I had a choice.

Really? That's so sweet.

Next up, lindsay.

Your t*rture is...

marshmallow waxing.

we're gonna wax every part of your body.

if you can take the pain for a full seconds,

you can go to the next level.

lindsay: oh, I so need this.

I've been doing with nasty razor stubble for weeks.

Turning to offset my tan, kay?

(Muffled screams)

aah!

Ow!

Ouch. That had to hurt.

I don't think I would have made it through that one.

That's because guys are total wimps

When it comes to two things, beauty and pain.

Yeah, you got that right.

-(Bell rings) -oh, my gosh.

I can't believe how smooth that is.

Thanks, chip.

It's chris.

Well done, lindsay,

Since you didn't even complain once,

You get to choose who goes next.

No, thanks.

(Eva whispers)

Uh, wait, I changed my mind.

-I choose-- -(eva whispers)

bridgette with lake leeches,

because she's a backstabbing, low-life traitor.

Grrr.

It's payback time, traitor!

It's payback time.

all right, bridgette, time's a wasting.

get your butt in the barrel of leeches.

Even though we all wanted eva off the island,

For some reason,

That girl was gunning for bridgette.

I felt bad and all, but, hey, better her than me.

geoff: no, wait.

I'll take her place.

Oh, that is so romantic.

Oh, and if your victim

Can last seconds without saying uncle,

You get eliminated instead,

Which means you lose your chance to win this.

(Splashing)

Aah!

(Buzzer)

Ooh, close shave, geoff.

Nine and nine one-hundred thousandths of a million...

Whatever.

It's not ten, you're out.

You can return to your new seat.

owen, you're next.

Wooden shorts? Big deal.

Aah.

Ow!

Aah.

(Buzzing)

Our next challenge will be

Spending seconds in a wooden crate

With sasquatchanakwa.

Tough one.

Bridgette, you haven't complained in a while,

so you can choose the next victim.

-(Bell rings) -all: eva.

All: eva, eva, eva.

Eva's hardcore.

I was thinking that she could actually pull this off.

If she picks eva and she made it out alive,

Eva was gonna be so ticked off.

all: eva. eva. Eva. Eva.

Here's a toe-tag, surfer girl,

you'll be needing it for later.

(Animal growling)

chris: eva stuck it out,

so bridgette is out of the game.

reckless choice by bridgette,

still let's give her props for sticking it to a teammate.

Now let's see who showed

Less courage than eva and cried uncle.

(Bell rings)

Ew. Love the skunk jump.

(Fart)

(Buzzer)

and the new age music t*rture...

(Buzzer)

and a little visit to the wawanakwa hair salon.

(Buzzer)

-Oh! -oh! And who can forget

the old ice cream brain freeze?

Woo-hoo!

-(Buzzer) -aah.

Clear.

(Laughs)

That was great! Hit me again.

(Laughs)

-(Bell rings) -izzy, who's your

Next victim?

Ooh, ooh, me.

With the poison ivy spa treatment.

Is it just me,

Or is that girl some kinda crazy?

(Cell phone rings)

It's chris.

Yeah, yeah, she wants to do it.

Okay.

Okay.

The judges will allow it, but they wanna know why.

I just wanna see how it feels.

All righty then.

-(Bell rings) -time's up.

Chef, remove the poison ivy.

No, no. It feels great.

You stuck it out, but sadly, you eliminated yourself.

Look how big my lips are.

Eva, you're up. All right.

After rounds of t*rture,

We're down to two steely competitors

And the sudden death round.

I did not make it this far to quit now.

That trailer is bank

And it's got my name written all over it.

Whatever he's got to throw at me,

I'm gonna do.

chris: leshawna, it's up to you.

Your final challenge is the grizzly bear log roll.

The grizzly bear say what?

chris: molotov, the bear.

performs with the russian national circus

and has been the european log rolling champion

for the past years.

to win, you must last seconds on the log

while avoiding certain death in the piranha infested water.

Leshawna, you could back out now.

No way, I've seen scarier looking faces at the mall.

I'm going in.

-(Bell rings) -and go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ha. And that's how I roll.

-(Bell rings) -leshawna wins,

So eva is out.

What? No way.

Way.

She wins the challenge,

Invincibility and the grand prize.

Whoo! Yes, baby.

Whoo! You lose, I win.

You lose, I win.

That's right, baby, yeah.

While leshawna checks out her trailer full of food,

And we check out her blood pressure,

The rest of you can go to the confessional booth

And vote off a camper other than leshawna.

(Howls)

Okay.

So first up, we ran out of marshmallows.

No!

I've reviewed the confessionals,

And I have to say

There's lots of hate on in this group,

Which is awesome.

While I normally protect your privacy,

In the spirit of airing your dirty laundry,

I'm gonna go live with your confessionals.

Since leshawna's immune,

There's no other choice but rage-aholic eva.

I vote for heather

Because I know she's behind courtney getting kicked off.

You'll pay for that, toots.

If you're watching this on cable,

I miss you, babe.

Eva's a freak,

So see ya.

Please, please, eva.

I'm so glad you never air these.

Eva's nuts. Sorry, girl.

It's got to be eva

Unless I can figure out who snagged my other lucky hat.

I just can't get over how smooth this is.

Anyway, I vote off eva

'Cause she's scarier than heather,

Laqueesha, and gwen combined.

Unless they want to leave in body bags,

They better not say my name.

I vote for heather.

Lots of dirt revealed there, huh?

But in the end, it was still six votes against eva.

So adios.

What? This isn't the end of me.

You better watch your backs.

I'm not done.

I'll get my revenge.

I'm not done with you.

Ow! And izzy lied.

She wasn't in the woods. She was--

Wow, she has issues, huh?

Party at leshawna's new crib.

-Yeah! -Yeah.

-Yay! -Whoo!