01x12 - Basic Straining

[bunniefuu]

chris: last time on total drama island...

the teams were given three challenges

that tested their trust in their teammates.

the rock-climbing challenge revealed more than

just heather's grudge against gwen.

and trent got the bad end of a blowfish

courtesy of lindsay.

dj trusted geoff with his pet bunny.

huge mistake, by the way.

some other campers got dropped on their butts,

and duncan shocked courtney by showing her his softer sides.

yeah, touching moments. good times.

Stay tuned for the most dramatic bonfire ceremony yet

On total drama island.

♪ dear mom and dad, i'm doing fine ♪

♪ you guys are on my mind ♪

♪ you asked me what I wanted to be ♪

♪ and now I think the answer is plain to see ♪

♪ I wanna be ♪

♪ famous ♪

♪ I wanna live close to the sun ♪

♪ well, pack your bags, 'cause I've already won ♪

♪ everything to prove, nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ 'cause I wanna be ♪

♪ famous ♪

♪ na na na-na-na na ♪

♪ na-na na-na na na na-na na-na na ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

(Whistles "I wanna be, I wanna be famous")

(Door opens)

Ok, who's made s'mores out of my underwear?

Heh heh heh heh.

Eww!

Harold, you are so totally gross.

Now way. It wasn't me.

Idiots.

Sometimes he just makes it too easy.

I hear you, man.

chef: listen up, you little cockroaches.

i want all campers to report to the dock of shame

at hours!

that means now, soldiers. Now.

Line up and stand at attention. You call this proper formation?

Feet together. Arms down.

Eyes forward. Head up.

Oh, this is gonna be a fun day.

What did you say to me, soldier?

Um, nothing.

And you'll continue to say nothing

Until I tell you that you can say something.

Today's challenge will not be an easy one.

In fact, I do not expect everyone to come out alive.

Ha ha ha. Aah! That hurt.

My orders are to make sure all of the babies in front of me

Drop out of my boot camp except one.

The last one standing wins immunity for their team.

Uh, what happened to chris?

Rule number one--you will address me as master chief.

Have you got that?

Yes, master chief.

You will sleep when I tell you to sleep.

And you will eat only when I tell you to eat.

Is that clear?

Yes, master chief.

Rule number two-- when you're ready to give up,

You will walk to the end of the dock and ring the bell.

Which brings me to rule number three--

Let's get one quitter before the end of the first day.

That day will not end until someone drops out.

Now get your butts down to the beach, soldiers.

Now, now, now.

(All screaming)

Ok, whoever's sick, twisted idea this was

To put him in charge of this challenge,

I have to say I'm a little bit impressed.

Listen up. Each team must hold a canoe over their heads.

I catch you taking your hands off the canoe,

And you will be eliminated.

And no one eats lunch until someone drops out.

Canoes up.

Whew. This isn't that hard.

Piece of cake.

-(Whimpers) -(growls)

chef: come on, you sissies. it's only been three hours.

Looks like they missed lunch today.

Mm-hmm. Guess they just weren't hungry.

Unless someone wants to quit now.

(Stomach growls)

Don't even think about it, owen.

Time to land that fish.

Ow! Idiots.

Is there a problem down here?

No.

(Snores)

Of us went in the jungle that night.

Only five came back out.

What w*r were you in, anyway?

did I ask you to speak?

Because I don't remember asking you to speak.

Whatever. He so wasn't in a w*r.

Guys, I can't do this anymore.

I have no more feeling in my arms.

Looks like we got ourselves a quitter.

Don't do it, lindsay!

(Dings)

-(All sigh) -aah.

Listen here, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Except being the little baby that let your team down.

As for the rest of you, head to the mess hall.

Dinner is served.

Sweet marie, thank you!

all right, maggots, open your ears.

You've got minutes to eat before night training begins,

-So get to it. -Night training?

-No way. -No way.

Um, excuse me, master chief. Where's the food?

You're looking at it. Heh heh heh.

This is the leftover garbage from this morning's breakfast.

Darn right. When you're at w*r, you take what you can get.

Well, I can see you've got this under control.

I'm off to craft services. Coming?

Serve me up some of that.

Oh, I am not eating this.

Uhh. Me, neither.

Don't care for today's specials, princess?

I am going to be running for office one day,

And no one is going to pull up a file of me eating garbage.

Hey, harold, we felt really bad

About the whole underwear- fishing-incident thing,

So here, we found you some apple juice.

Thanks.

Ptooey. That's not juice.

Oh. Oh, my mistake, dude.

Uh, we-we must have confused it with the kitchen grease.

you guys are so immature.

I hope you're proud of yourselves.

Ok, look, I know you like me.

He knows you like me. Everyone knows it.

So here's a tip--if you want to kiss me, I might let you.

And to think I actually thought you were nice.

Shh. Me? Nice?

Ha ha. Yeah, right.

Why'd you think that?

Never mind. I was wrong.

He's just as gross and annoying as he wants you to believe.

Enjoy your garbage.

("Thriller-esque" dance music playing)

(All gasp)

Duncan, what are you doing?

One of us drops out, we're done for the day.

We're done when I say we're done.

Now drop and give me .

Anyone else got anything they want to say?

uh, yeah.

Can I go to the bathroom?

Not exactly what I had in mind.

For your next challenge, you will complete

A -word essay

About how much you love me.

Anyone who falls asleep or fails to complete the challenge

Will be eliminated.

(Ticking)

(Alarm sounds)

Crap.

"I love master chief hatchet

"Because he is very, very, very, very, very, very,

"Very, very, very, very, very,

Very, very--"

This is just one sentence

With five pages of "verys" in between.

It's words exactly. You can count them if you want.

Aah! Ugh.

Wipe up that drool, you little baby.

You two slackers are out.

The rest of you, get to bed and report to the playing field

At hours.

Uh, missed a spot there, general.

Boy, do you want to run laps around this camp right now?

No, thanks.

He's going straight to bed, aren't you?

What are you trying to do, get eliminated?

-I didn't know you cared. -I don't.

I just don't want to lose this challenge,

So stop being such a screw-up

And do what you're told for once, ok?

-She wants me. -No doubt.

you will all run this course until you can all complete it

in under one minute.

Am I making myself clear?

Crystal.

If you lose this for us, I'm gonna make you so miserable.

Go, maggots, go!

Aw.

Uh, general crazy, we've got a situation here.

Too much--(coughs)--mud.

Ring the bell and report to the infirmary.

Your tour of duty is finished.

Wow. Poor guy.

Back on the course, soldiers, now!

One false move, and I'll be on you

Like stink on a poop wagon.

I look forward to it, sir.

Aah!

Fallen soldier, I salute you.

You just bought yourself more push-ups.

Thank you.

Mwah.

(Growls)

I think you may have pushed him over the edge, bro.

I think you're right.

One night solitary confinement in the boathouse.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Big deal. How scary can it be?

Should have kept my big mouth shut.

(Wolf howls)

I'm going to check on him.

You like him.

I do not like him.

-Yes, you do. -Not only do I not like him...

I can't stand him.

He's rude, he's rebellious, and he's totally annoying.

I'm gonna go check on him.

She likes him.

Hello? Duncan?

(Whistles) princess.

I wish you'd stop calling me that.

So, come to claim that kiss?

Even pigs deserve a meal.

Mm, no, thanks. I'll stick with the bait.

Yeah, well, that's all chef would serve us

After our pathetic performance on the obstacle course.

Why do you egg chef on like that?

You know you're going to get in trouble.

Why are you so uptight all the time?

I am not uptight. You always follow the rules.

Well, you always have to break them.

Only the ones I want to.

Ok, so maybe I do follow the rules.

I guess that makes me a big, uptight loser in your books,

-Right? -Maybe.

-Ugh! -Then why do you follow them?

Because not following them

Gets you thrown into a fish cabin.

But I'm in the fish cabin with you, aren't i?

Feel like ditching this crap for some peanut butter and jam?

Are you kidding?

All I've had for two days is this gruel.

But chef will never give it to us.

See? Now, that's the problem with your thinking.

The trick is to not ask for it.

Do you have some on you?

No, but I happen to know where to find it.

It will involve breaking quite a few rules, though.

Are you in?

Let's do it.

Well, all right, then.

(Whispers) slowly.

Slowly crawl.

of us went in the jungle that night.

only five came back out.

(Whispers) if we get caught, we are so dead.

I mean, come on. I am nothing without my stubble.

Amen, brother.

Are you sure you want to go through with this?

Heck, yes. This is the most fun I've had here yet.

A little present, courtesy of the k*ller bass.

Now you're learning.

Whoo-hoo! Ha ha ha.

Mmm. Mmm.

I think I have jungle rot from that obstacle course.

Ew. Owen, we're eating here.

(Mouth full) and with is with all those lame w*r stories?

He is so demented.

Girl, these nails were not meant for combat training.

Know what I'm saying? Mmm.

Ooh, seriously. If I wanted to join the army, I would have.

oh, guys, gross.

Now see, that's a waste of good peanut butter.

Ok, I think you've had enough.

Oh, no, no. Just-just one more.

(Belches)

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, that one was a mistake.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So the princess has a dark side.

Ok. That was so gross.

But it was like once I did something bad,

It was so much fun, I just wanted more.

Well, you could always give me that kiss.

-That would be pretty bad. -You're still not my type.

Fine. Enjoy a peanut butter-less life.

Thanks. Enjoy prison.

I will.

Yes, dude!

Told you she wanted me.

Ahh.

attention, remaining boot-camper groups!

the next evolution of your training

begins tomorrow morning at hours.

and if I catch the sucker that took my dessert,

your butt is mine.

What you are experiencing is an ancient form of t*rture.

By now, the blood has begun rushing to your head.

The next stage is nausea, followed by dizziness

and a flushed appearance.

as the blood begins to pool in your eyes,

you may experience fainting spells.

Duncan!

It's ok. He's all right.

Ugh!

Come on! I...can't...reach.

Aah! (Farts) ha ha ha ha.

Ok, that's it. I'm done. Uhh.

Aah!

(Muffled protests)

Off of me, you big ox.

Sorry.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Stop laughing this instant.

I'm sorry. Ha ha ha. I can't help it.

Whoa! Ha ha ha.

I expected more out of you, soldier.

Ahem. Master chief, I just have one thing to say to you.

And what might that be?

You really need to take a chill pill.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

Ok, geoffy, it's all up to you.

You got this, gwen?

Oh, yeah. I can hang here all day.

Rock on, sister! I live for the head rush.

It feels...so...good.

Ooh. That's going to leave a mark.

-Yes! -All right, gwen.

-Go, gophers! -gwen.

Congratulations, soldier. I'd go to w*r with you anytime.

I'll keep that in mind when choosing my career.

You do that, soldier.

(Cheering)

You do that.

I only have five marshmallows on my plate.

And these marshmallows represent the campers

That will continue to be campers...

Here.

You've all cast your ballots in the confession can.

If I do not call your name,

You must immediately go down to the dock of shame,

catch the boat of losers, and go home.

And you can't come back...ever.

Duncan.

Yeah.

-dj. -yeah!

Bridgette.

-geoff. -yeah.

Campers, this is the final marshmallow of the night.

Harold.

-Ahh. -Yes.

What? You guys voted for harold over me?

Yes, yes. It's always a shock.

This is impossible. I demand a recount.

Aw, seriously, dude. I know for a fact...

There were three of us that didn't vote her off.

Uhh.

I do not concede. I do not concede.

Aw, man, this sucks.

I was your only hope. I was a counselor-in-training.

Let go of me.

You are going to hear from my attorney.

Courtney, wait.

I made this for you.

Duncan.

Ok, this is really weird and creepy, but I love it.

I'll never forget you!

Who's made s'mores out of my underwear?

Heh heh heh heh.

Ow. Idiots.

Ptooey. That's not juice.

Oh. Oh, my mistake, dude.

You guys think you're so funny.

Let's see how you like it

When someone messes with your love life.