01x01 - Not So Happy Campers Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Yo!

We're coming at you live from camp wawanakwa,

Somewhere in muskoka, ontario.

I'm your host, chris mclean.

Dropping season one of the hottest new reality show

On television, right now!

Here's the deal, campers have signed up to spend

Eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp.

They'll compete in challenges against each other.

Then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers.

Every three days, one team will either win a reward,

Or watch one of their team member's walk down

The dock of shame.

Take a ride on the loser boat and leave total drama island,

For good.

Their fate will be decided here,

At the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week,

All but one camper will receive a marshmallow.

In the end, only one will be left standing

And will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame

And a small fortune,

Which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week.

To survive, they'll have to battle.

black flies.

-grizzly bears. -(grizzly bear roars)

disgusting camp food!

Hey now.

And each other.

every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras

situated all over the camp.

Who will crumble under the pressure?

Find out here right now on...

total drama island.

Welcome back to total drama island.

All right, its time to meet our first campers.

We told them they'd all be staying at a five star resort,

So if they seem a little t.o.ed, that's probably why.

Beth, what's up?

It's so incredulous to meet you.

Wow, you're much shorter in real life.

Uh, thanks.

D.j.

Yo, chris mclean. How's it going?

Hey, you sure you got the right place here?

Where's the hot tub at?

Yo, dawg, this is it.

Camp wawanakwa.

Humph. Looked a lot different on the application form.

chris: hey, gwen.

You mean we're staying here? no, you're staying here.

My crib is an airstream with a.c.

That-a-way.

I did not sign up for this.

Actually, you did.

The great thing about lawyers is...

They make lots of copies.

I am not staying here. Cool.

I hope you can swim though, because your ride just left.

(Horn honking)

Jerk!

geoff: chris mclean!

Sup, man?

It's an honor to meet you, man!

The geoff-ster.

Welcome to the island, man!

Thanks, man.

If they say "man" one more time, I'm gonna puke.

Everybody, this is lindsay.

Not too shabby.

lindsay: hi!

Okay, you look so familiar!

I'm chris mclean.

The host of the show.

Oh, that's where I know you from.

Uh, yeah.

Heather.

Hi!

Looks like we're your new friends

for the next eight weeks.

Duncan, dude.

I don't like surprises.

Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man.

He also told me to give him a holler any time

And have you returned to juvie.

Okay, then.

Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous.

Drop dead, you skeez.

I'm calling my parents.

You cannot make me stay here.

(Horn honking)

chris: ladies and gentleman, tyler!

(All gasp)

Ugh, my shoes!

Wicked wipeout, man!

(Chuckling)

(Sighs)

Welcome to camp, harold.

What's he looking at?

So you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp

And not on some big stage or something?

You got it.

Yes.

That is so much more favorable to my skills.

Contestant number nine is trent.

Hey, good to meet you, man.

I saw you on that figure-skating show.

Nice work.

Hey, thanks, man. I knew I rocked that show!

I saw that.

One of the guys dropped his partner on her head,

So they got immunity that week.

Lucky! I hope I get dropped on my head.

Me too!

So this is it?

All righty then.

Hey! What's up?

All right.

Our surfer chick, bridgette, is here.

(Scoffs) nice board.

This ain't malibu, honey.

I thought we were going to be on a beach.

chris: we are!

-Great. -All right, that makes--

Ow! Darn it, that hurt!

Hey, guys.

Hey! I'm geoff.

bridgette: what's up?

Dang, watch the board, man! Hi! I'm beth.

hey.

Okay, we've all met surfer girl.

Can we get on with the show, please?

Someone missed their double cappuccino macchiato

This morning.

Get bent.

Our... Next camper is noah.

You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?

I'm sure someone did.

Good. Is this where we're staying?

No, it's your mother's house, and we're throwing a party.

Cute. Nice piercings, original, do them yourself?

Yeah. You want one?

Uh, no, thanks.

Can I have my lip back, please?

Thanks.

What's up, y'all? Leshawna's in the house!

(Gasps)

Yo, baby, hey, how you doing?

How's it going?

Feel free to quit now and save yourselves the trouble,

'Cause I came to win.

Oh, what's up, my brother?

Give me some sugar, baby!

I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.

Excuse me?

You're real big and loud.

What did you say to me?

oh, no, you didn't.

You have not seen anything yet.

I'll show you big, baby.

Oh, yeah, you want some of this?

Well, come on, then!

All right, campers. Settle down.

Ladies! Sadie, katie,

Welcome to your new home for eight weeks.

(Insects buzzing)

Oh, my gosh.

Sadie, look.

It's a summer camp.

Okay, I always wanted to go to summer camp.

Eee!

Ezekiel! What's up, man?

I think I see a bird.

(Laughs)

Okay, look, dude.

I know you don't get out much.

Been home-schooled your whole life,

Raised by freaky prairie people,

Just don't say much and try not to get kicked off

Too early, okay?

Yes, sir.

That's just... Wow.

Cody. The code-ster.

The code-meister.

Dude, psyched to be here, man.

I see the ladies have already arrived.

All right.

Save it, short stuff.

Eva?

Nice. I glad you could make it.

Ow! What's in there, dumbbells?

Yes.

She's all yours, man.

owen: woo-hoo!

Chris, what's happening?

This is awesome!

Woo-hoo!

Owen, welcome!

Awesome to be here, man.

Yeah! Man, this is just so...

Awesome?

Yes, awesome!

Woo! Are you gonna be on my team?

Oh, I sure hope so.

Woo!

You about finished?

Sorry, dude.

I'm just so psyched!

Cool. And here comes courtney.

Thank you.

Hi! You must be the other contestants.

It's really nice to meet you all.

How's it going?

I'm owen!

Nice to meet you, o... Wow.

This is justin.

Welcome to total drama island.

Thanks, chris. This is great.

Just so you know, we picked you based

entirely on your looks.

I can deal with that.

I like your pants.

Thanks, man.

'Cause they look like they're all worn out.

Did you buy them like that?

Uh, no.

Just had them for a while.

Oh.

Cool.

Stupid!

chris: hey, everyone, izzy!

Hi, chris. Hi!

Hi! Ow!

Ooh, that was bad.

(Laughs)

Guys, she could be seriously hurt!

izzy: that felt so...

good!

Except for hitting my chin.

This is summer camp? That is so cool!

Do you have papier-mache here?

Are we having lunch soon?

That is a good call!

First thing's first.

We need a group photo for the promos.

Everyone on the end of the dock.

Okay, one, two, three...

oops!

Okay, forgot the lens cap.

Okay, hold that pose.

One, two--oh, no, wait.

Card's full.

Hang on.

Come on, man.

My face is starting to freeze.

Got it. Okay.

Everyone say, "wawanakwa!"

All: wawanakwa!

Aah!

Okay, guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in .

This is camp wawanakwa,

Your home for the next eight weeks.

The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates,

your competition,

and maybe even your friends.

you dig?

The camper who manages to stay on total drama island

The longest without getting voted off will win $ , .

Excuse me.

What will the sleeping arrangements be,

Because I'd like to request a bunk under her?

They're not coed, are they?

No.

Girls get one side of each cabin and dudes get the other.

Excuse me, kyle?

Can I have a cabin with a lake view

Since I'm the prettiest?

chris: okay, you are.

but that's not really how it works here.

And it's chris.

I have to live with sadie, or I'll die.

And I'll break out in hives.

It's true.

This cannot be happening.

Aw, come on, guys, it'll be fun.

It's like a big sleepover.

At least you don't have to sleep next to him.

Here's the deal.

We're gonna split you into two teams.

If I call your name out, go stand over there.

gwen.

trent.

heather.

cody.

lindsay.

beth.

katie.

owen.

leshawna.

justin.

and noah.

From this moment on,

You are officially known as...

the screaming gophers!

Yeah! I'm a gopher!

Woo!

Wait!

What about sadie?

The rest of you, over here.

geoff.

bridgette.

d.j.

tyler.

sadie.

izzy.

courtney.

ezekiel.

duncan.

eva.

and harold.

move, move, move, move!

But katie's a gopher!

I have to be a gopher! Sadie, is it? Come on.

It'll be okay.

This is so unfair.

I miss you, katie!

I miss you, too!

chris: you guys will officially be known as...

the k*ller bass!

It's awesome.

It's, like...

Amazing.

chris: all right, campers!

You and your team will be on camera in all public areas

During this competition.

You'll also be able to share your innermost thoughts

On tape with video diaries any time you want.

Let the audience at home know what you're really thinking,

Or just get something off your chest.

Um, okay.

So far this sucks.

lindsay: I don't get it.

Where's the camera guy?

(Quacks)

Hey, everyone, check this out.

I have something very important to say.

(Farts)

All right, any questions?

Cool. Let's find your cabins.

Gophers, you're in the east cabin.

Bass, you're in the west.

heather: bunk beds?

Isn't this a little summer camp?

That's the idea, genius.

Shut up, weird goth girl.

You're so smart.

I feel that.

Shouldn't you be on the boys' side?

cody: aah! lindsay: where are the outlets?

I have to plug in my straightening iron.

There are some in the communal bathrooms just across the way.

lindsay: communal bathrooms?

but I'm not catholic.

Not communion, communal.

It means we shower together.

Idiot.

Oh, no!

come on!

I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just guys.

You know what I mean?

(Chuckles)

I mean no, I didn't mean it like that!

I love chicks.

I just don't want to sleep near them.

(Stammers) I mean...

geoff: excuse me, chris.

Is there a chaperone of any kind in this facility?

You're all years old,

As old as a counselor in training

At a regular summer camp.

So, other than myself, you'll be unsupervised.

You've got a half an hour to unpack and meet me back

At the main lodge starting now.

Nice!

(Lindsay screaming)

Oh, man, that white girl can scream.

What is it?

k*ll it! k*ll it!

(Gasps)

Aah!

That was my bed.

(All shouting)

Help me!

Well, that's one way to k*ll a cockroach.

harold: awesome!

If you ever see one of those again,

Just let me know, okay?

'Cause, you know, I could do that, too.

They always go for the jocks.

chef hatchet: listen up!

i serve it three times a day,

And you'll eat it three times a day!

Grab your tray, get your food,

And sit your butts down now!

Excuse me.

Will we be getting all the major food groups?

harold: yeah, 'cause I get hypoglycemic real bad

If I don't get enough sugar.

You'll get a lot of shut the heck up.

Have a cow.

chef hatchet: what was that?

Come closer, fat boy. I didn't hear you.

Uh, I didn't really say anything important.

I'm sure you didn't!

you, scrawny kid.

Give me your plate.

Hey, what's up, girl?

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?

Next!

lindsay: excuse me,

My nutritionist says I shouldn't eat any white sugar,

White flour, or, like, dairy.

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

Cool!

Okay, I hate to be predictable and complain on the first day,

But I think mine just moved.

Right!

Okay, then.

Welcome to the main lodge.

geoff: yo, my man.

Can we order a pizza?

Whoa, it's cool, "g."

Brown slop is cool.

right, guys?

Your first challenge begins in one hour.

What do you think they'll make us do?

It's our first challenge. How hard can it be?

oh, (bleep).

Next time on total drama island.

your first task is to jump off

this , -foot-high cliff into the lake.

I'm looking at this guy and thinking,

"There's no way he's gonna make it."

I actually thought,

"If he jumps this... He's gonna die."

owen: I'm going to die now.

I'm going to freaking die now!