[theme music]
♪ Ah ah ah ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
♪ The milkman the paper boy evening TV ♪
♪ How did I get to living it here ♪
♪ Somebody tell me please ♪
♪ This old world confusing me ♪
♪ Clouds as mean as you've ever seen ♪
♪ Ain't a bird who knows your tune ♪
♪ Then a little voice inside you whispers ♪
♪ Kid don't sell your dream so soon ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a heart ♪ ♪ There's a heart ♪
♪ A hand to hold on to ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪ ♪ Everywhere ♪
♪ There's a face ♪
♪ Of somebody who needs you ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ When you're lost out there ♪
♪ And you're all alone ♪
♪ A light is waitin' to carry you home ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Everywhere you look ♪
♪ Doobie do ba bada ♪
[instrumental music]
Alright, girls, now, not one word about your dad's surprise party tonight, okay?
That means you, Steph.
What makes you think I'm gonna tell him?
Because you blew dad's surprise party last year.
I was only four. Give me a break.
Steph, this is an important birthday.
Your dad turns the big 3‐0.
How much more than 5 is the big 3‐0?
Well, here, I'll show you.
This is you.
And this is your daddy.
Wow! He's almost a whole box old.
Make way! It's the Goodyear birthday blimp.
I had to take a couple balloons off.
She was getting picked up by radar.
Come here.
Alright. Your daddy's on his way down.
Stephanie, I heard about last year.
Do not spoil the surprise party.
Man, one little mistake.
Good morning, everyone.
(all) Happy birthday!
Okay. It's been said.
Now, we can just move on and forget the fact that I'm...I'm..
(together) 30.
Thank you.
Okay, anyway..
...I don't turn, uh, turn..
(together) 30.
Thank you. I don't turn what you just said until 8:15.
Dad, it's 8:20.
Oh, my God.
Dad, this is a present from Michelle, Steph, and me.
Aw.
Look at this.
D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle's
"coupon book." This is great!
'And you made it yourselves. I love this.'
"D.J. and Stephanie will change Michelle's diaper."
I'll hold on to this.
I'm sorry, Jesse. They're not transferable.
And a free car wash for my car, b*llet.
Do you realize I bought that car
10 years ago on my 20th birthday?
You know, every time I get behind the wheel and I put the top down and start blasting my self‐improvement tapes..
...I feel like a kid again.
Boy, you were born to raise heck.
[doorbell rings]
Dad, that must be another birthday surprise!
Oh, look at them run. Did I ever run like that?
You bet. You always ran like a girl.
Come on, grandpa. I'll help you across the living room floor.
You know, you shouldn't be so cocky just because you're 24, and I'm...I'm..
(together) 30.
Come on, Michelle. Alright, girls.
Tell our lucky contestant what's behind door number one.
Vanna, Carol Merrill.
(together) Ta‐da!
I won a man?
Not just any man.
Jimmy, tell him what he's won.
Okay, Bob.
Danny Tanner, you'll be riding in style because you've won your very own chauffeur‐driven limousine for a day.
Oh!
Yes, it's a stretch limousine complete with a bar, TV, telephone and a year's supply of calendar's...one!
‐ Ah! ‐ Ah!
You guys have gone all out. This is terrific.
But I wish you hadn't gone to such a big expense.
We didn't. I'm gonna fumigate his house for free.
I can't say it enough. God bless silverfish.
Hey, girls, you wanna ride to school in a limo?
I'd love to ride in a limo.
But can it take us somewhere else besides school?
Let's hit the mall!
Alright, Steph!
You're going to school. Let's go, let's go.
Thanks for a terrific birthday. Okay, I want one thing.
I want you to remember I do not want a party.
This'll be our little secret.
‐ Okay. ‐ Alright. Sure.
I mean it. No party.
Fine.
‐ Back to the party. ‐ Well, Bob, I've‐‐ Tut tut tut! We're done with the voice.
Okay. The food arrives at 5.
Belly dancer arrives at 5:30.
Belly dancer leaves at 6.
Guests arrive at 6:30.
Limo drops Danny here at home at 7.
‐ What about his present? ‐ Alright.
Present. I'm leaving work early.
I'm gonna take b*llet get him fitted for seat covers.
He is gonna love them. Come on.
‐ Boy, he really loves this car. ‐ Hey, who wouldn't?
I mean, you're talking about a car that goes from zero to 60 in 2 weeks.
[instrumental music]
Now, Steph, do it just the way I told you.
D.J., I'm old enough to carry a tray of "appezizers."
"Attepizers."
Cheese sticks.
Excuse me, do you care about cheese?
Thank you, Stephanie.
Steph.
It's do you care for cheese?
She took one, didn't she?
Alright. Goodnight.
Thanks for dragging it home.
(man #1) 'Sure, pal. Good luck.'
Oh. Poor b*llet.
Maybe Danny won't notice.
Boy, am I in trouble. Joey!
Jesse, what's wrong?
I've never seen your face this shade of green before.
‐ This must be serious. ‐ It is.
Uncle Jesse, is something wrong?
I'm getting these vibes.
Yes, something's very wrong.
I knew it. This is great!
I'm sorry, but I'm developing woman's intuition.
It's a big step in my life.
Listen, uh, your father's car has been in a little accident.
(Joey) 'How little?'
Big little. Follow me.
Come here.
I want you guys to take a look.
(together) Ooh!
You're dead meat.
Boy, this is gonna take all the fun out of those seat covers. What are you going to do?
What do you mean, what am I gonna do?
I'm gonna do what I have to do.
I'm gonna tell him the truth.
When we're in trouble we give dad "We're the cutest little girls in the world" look.
That may work for you, girls but I don't have those cute little dimples.
Well, maybe if you put a..
...pretty little bow in your hair or something..
Not funny.
Danny's coming up the steps!
Come on.
‐ What do we do? ‐ Okay, here's the plan.
First, we hide the seat covers.
Hide the seat covers. Alright. Now what?
Look, it's tough enough for Danny turning 30.
It's his birthday, and you gotta promise me you're not gonna ruin it for him.
Okay, I promise.
Then we have to make sure that he has the best time he's ever had in his entire life.
Good. We'll do that.
Then, in the afterglow you'll set him down and gently rip his heart out.
Can't you come up with a happier ending?
Yeah, the car fairy shows up and makes everything wonderful.
‐ Shh! Quiet, everyone. ‐ 'Let's see.'
15 of my friends' cars parked right out front.
I wonder..
(together) Surprise!
I don't believe this.
(together) Happy birthday!
Thank you, thank you.
This is great. I love this.
Everybody's here. This is so nice.
All my friends from the station are here.
Are we running a test pattern tonight?
Cousin Ed!
Oh, Cousin Ed.
Caroline, why aren't you out running your fishing boat?
Oh, what, and miss your 19th birthday party?
I am so glad you're here.
Daddy, would you care for some cheese?
Oh, yes, Stephanie. Thank you.
This is too easy.
I'm ready for dip.
Oh, there you are, you birthday nuts.
I thought I told you no party.
Oh, you say that every year.
This is the last surprise, isn't it?
Well.
Danny, I just want you to know that Jesse deserves all the credit.
This whole party was his idea because he loves you.
‐ Right. ‐ Always remember that.
Please.
Oh, Jesse, I know you hate when I hug you‐‐ Hey, I got an idea.
It's your birthday. What the heck.
Why don't I hug you this time, huh?
Brother‐in‐law.
Say cheese.
‐ Cheese! ‐ Cheese!
We'll call this the "before" picture.
Open that one.
Now, Danny, if you don't like it there's now way I can return it so you'd better like it.
Oh.
Caroline, this is great.
The last time Danny went fishing on my boat he didn't catch a thing so I mounted his bait.
Hey, I'm just out there for the fresh air.
Daddy, I found another present.
‐ No, no. ‐ No, no.
You never saw me.
Aw, the gifts just keep on coming.
Look at this, "from Jesse and Joey to b*llet and Danny."
'Oh, great.'
Wow!
Sheepskin seat covers for b*llet.
I could cry.
Oh, you will.
I'm gonna go try these on right now.
Uh, excuse me.
I think now would be a good time to tell him.
Whoa, Danny, Danny.
Listen, before you go out there I wanna tell you something.
b*llet was in an accident.
Is he alright?
No. Listen, this is what happened.
I'm coming out of Pep Boys, right?
With your wonderful yet essentially useless party gift and this idiot plowed into the back of b*llet, right?
It sends him down the hill through this guard rail, into the air where he did kind of a full gainer.
He lands in the bay and sank...like a stone.
But look, b*llet went out with a blaze of glory.
[laughing]
For a second, you had me going.
He sank to the bottom of the bay.
You know what a car would look like if it sank to the bottom of the bay?
[laughing]
We'll call this the "after" picture.
Daddy, are you alright?
[laughing]
Of course, sweetheart.
I'm fine.
That's the same smile Jack Nicholson had in "The Shining."
Maybe it just needs a little touch‐up paint.
Look, Danny, listen, I'm gonna make this up to you.
I promise. I accept all responsibility.
Even though it was actually the fault of the Spanish missionaries for being so dumb to build a city on so many hills that go‐‐ Hey, pal, I'm fine.
These things happen.
Que sera sera.
Ob‐La‐Di, Ob‐La‐Da.
Life goes on. Rah.
(Jesse) 'Danny, drop the act.'
Every weekend you're out here polishing this thing waxing this thing.
It's ruined. The outside's ruined.
The inside's ruined.
The handle's actually in good shape.
Jesse, it's not about the hundreds of hours of labor he poured into this car.
It's about 10 years of memories.
Danny, this car was with you through the tough years.
It drove you to your first real job.
Then it helped you raise a family.
Man, this car was your 20s.
That's good. We lost the phony smile. Very good. Alright.
Now what you gotta do is get in touch with your anger.
Let it all out. Hit me. Go ahead. Hit me.
No, I got a better idea. Hit the car, hit the car.
Hit the...kick the car.
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go.
Go ahead.
Doesn't that feel better, huh?
Feels good, right?
I can honestly say that this is one birthday I will never forget.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, girls.
(together) Goodnight.
Oh, and thank you very much for the lovely seat covers.
Probably not the best time for birthday cake.
[instrumental music]
Look, honey, it's Mr. Dog.
What does Mr. Dog say?
Woof, woof.
I may be holding the first woman president.
Yes. Look. It's Mr. Pig.
What does Mr. Pig say?
Boof.
Close enough.
Let's go for three.
Oh. Oh.
It's Mr. Car.
What does Mr. Car say?
You're right.
He doesn't say anything.
Because he's dead.
Good morning. How are you guys doing?
What are you doing up so early?
I thought I heard Michelle crying.
No. That was me.
‐ Can I hold her? ‐ Sure.
Come here, sweetie.
Come on, buddy. Cheer up.
It's just a car.
Actually, it's a big wet lawn sculpture.
Come on, I dare you to look at this baby and not smile.
Hi, daddy. It's me, it's me.
It's me, it's me!
Cheer up. There you go. Atta boy.
See, now who cares about a car?
Aw, Joey, it's more than just the car.
I'm talking about the big picture.
Who are we?
Where are we going?
And why do we have to get there so fast?
We're Joey and Danny and we're going down into the kitchen and we're going there fast because if we don't Jesse will eat all the microwave pancakes.
Do you remember back in junior high school when we had wood shop with old man Pathco?
Ha ha! Yeah, I remember that old geezer.
Joey, old man Pathco was 27.
It seems like just yesterday you were saying to me
"Danny, I wonder what it's like out there in the real world? Getting a job, being a grown‐up."
I did say that yesterday.
‐ Hello. ‐ Hey, Jess.
Jess, it's alright. Come on in.
Hello, Michelle. Hello, Michelle.
Come here, come here.
You still mad at me?
Oh, I know what happened wasn't your fault.
Alright, listen. I'm gonna make it up to you, man. I promise.
Joseph, go get dressed. We're taking a ride.
Where are we going?
Are you gonna be home today?
Where am I going? I got no car.
And I'm an old man who just turned..
...I just turned..
(together) 30.
‐ Thank you. ‐ You stay right here.
I got a big surprise for you.
Oh, please, no more surprises.
No, no. This surprise you are gonna love.
‐ Come on, Joey. ‐ Okay.
Oh! Wait. One more for the road.
Irresistible. I can't keep my lips off her tummy.
[blowing a raspberry]
He's right. You're habit‐forming.
‐ Yes! ‐ Alright!
Whoo! Look at this car. The same color.
This thing looks just like b*llet.
Alright!
Thank you. I'll see you on Sunday.
This is b*llet's twin brother.
How did you find him?
Simple, I picked up the phone and dialed every dealer in northern California.
But it doesn't matter. I found you.
I found you!
Why am I talking to you?
Yes, we're going to buy you and we're gonna take you home and Danny's gonna be so happy.
Oh, we did it.
Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
It's gonna be quite difficult to get a good price for the car if you're actually kissing the car.
‐ Right. Right. ‐ Listen. This is important.
Danny's getting 11,700 from the insurance company.
The important thing is we get this car for 11‐7.
Excuse me, is there something I can help you fine gentlemen with?
Oh, I don't know. We're just browsing around.
You know, browsing, lookin' at the cars.
Well, how about this one?
I mean, what's the story on b*llet..
...on this car here?
12 grand.
[telephone rings]
12 grand.
I wouldn't pay a nickel over 11‐7.
Paul's classic cars. Paul himself. We got you.
You guys aren't gonna believe this but I've got a guy on the phone right now who's offering 12 grand for that car, sight unseen.
He's bluffing us, Joseph.
Watch me. I'll play into it.
Uh, 11‐7, Paul.
(Jesse) 'Okay, fine.'
No 11‐7, we're walking out the door and we ain't coming back.
He'll stop us. Watch.
Goodbye, Paul. We'll see you, Paul.
‐ We're gone. ‐ Bye‐bye, Paulie.
‐ We're already out the door. ‐ We're gone, man.
‐ We're gone. ‐ Bye‐bye, Paulie.
Adios, Paul.
Congratulations, sir.
When can you come down and pick it up?
Hi, Paul.
‐ 12‐1. ‐ I'm sorry, sir.
I just received an offer of 12‐1.
I'll give you 12,500.
Go, dad! Keep going!
$12,500.
‐ 13,000. ‐ 13,000.
14,000.
I'll kick in an extra 20.
Count me in for 73 cents.
They're up to $14,020.73.
We got to get Danny this car.
$14,020.75.
We got him on the ropes.
$14,020.75.
What's he up to, dad?
He went up 2 cents.
I got a loose tooth.
Whatever the tooth fairy gives me, it's yours.
15,000.
I got 15,000. 15,000. Do I hear 16,000?
‐ 16,000. ‐ 17, 000!
I got $17,000.
No, no, that doesn't count.
The yahoo bird bid against me.
Too late. He's up to 18,000 now.
You tell him that I'm gonna pay anything for that car.
I'm gonna pay 20,000 bucks.
$20,000.
$20,000?
I'm going crazy over a car I haven't even seen.
Look, I got to send my daughters to college.
It's only a car.
Let the other guy have it.
He went up another thousand.
But I think that car can be yours for only $22,000.
[sighs]
We went from 11‐7 to $22,000.
How are we gonna pay that?
You know how many jokes I have to tell?
You know how many bugs I have to k*ll?
We'll just get Danny's car somewhere else.
Give it to the other guy.
Boys, boys, boys. Let's not be hasty here.
Did I say $22,000?
I actually meant 21.
20. 19?
How about 11‐5, Paul?
Sold.
Yes! Whoo‐hoo!
Can I interest you boys in an extended service contract?
Write up the car, Paul.
Danny! Daniel!
Hey, guys. I am glad you're here.
‐ I've got some great news. ‐ So do we.
‐ Let me tell you mine first. ‐ Okay.
Do you remember when I thought the only car I could ever love was b*llet?
‐ Yep. ‐ Uh‐huh.
Well, I was wrong.
Wouldn't I look good behind the wheel of a Jeep Wagoneer?
(Danny) 'Look at this.'
'Rear track lock differential'
'self‐sealing radials' anti‐theft ignition.
I can't wait to find out what these things mean.
You can't be serious.
Of course I am.
In fact, I even called a dealership today and started bidding on a car that was exactly like b*llet.
And there was this other yo‐yo there that kept hiking up the price.
(Joey) 'It was crazy.'
So, I just said, bye‐bye b*llet.
I went car shopping.
And guys, I fell in love.
So tomorrow I am buying my first new car ever.
I hope you're not planning on using your insurance check.
What are you talking about?
That was our little surprise.
We, uh...got you a birthday gift.
Take a look.
Aww.
You two were the yo‐yos?
‐ Yo. ‐ Yo.
I love that car.
I thought you just said "bye‐bye b*llet."
To the old b*llet.
You have to move on in life.
So, move on to your Wagoneer.
Hey, what better symbol for the next decade than a gift from my two best friends?
Birthdays aren't about numbers.
They're about who you spend them with.
You guys made this one great.
You really want to keep the car?
Absolutely.
Thank you.
(Jesse and Joey) Happy birthday.
‐ Again. ‐ Again.
You know what really feels nice?
For the first time it feels great to be..
...30.
‐ He said it! ‐ Oh, yes.
So what are you gonna name him? b*llet, Jr.?
Come on, Joey. A 30‐year‐old man doesn't name his car.
Go get the kids. Let's go for a spin.
Alright.
(Jesse) 'Stephanie.'
(Joey) 'D.J.'
I'll be right back..
...Walter.
♪ Baby you can drive my car ♪
♪ Yes I'm gonna be a star ♪
♪ Baby you can drive my car ♪
♪ 'Cause baby I love you ♪
♪ Beep‐beep beep‐beep yeah ♪
♪ Beep‐beep beep‐beep yeah ♪
♪ Oh I'm gonna be a star ♪
♪ Drive my car ♪
♪ Beep‐beep beep‐beep ♪
♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪
[theme music]