04x07 - Sophia's Wedding: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached would say

♪ "Thank you for being a friend"

(Rose)

On the last episode of "The Golden Girls"...

Good Lord!

Ma, what is going on here?

Afterglow.

Ma, this is the most upsetting thing you have ever done.

I am shocked.

I am disappointed.

I am speechless.

We're getting married!

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Oh!

(smoke alarm rings)

(continues ringing)

Call 911!

Call 911!

Call 911!

911!

Call 911!

It's 911.

I got it.

Get me the fire department, quick.

Blanche...

All right, wait.

Hello, fire department?

This is Blanche Devereaux at 5161 Richm...

Oh!

Well, of course you know where it is.

Hi, Ed.

I'm on fire.

Why, you naughty boy!

Blanche...

I'll bet that's why Chicago burnt down.

Mrs.

O'Leary was probably a tramp, too.

Give me that.

Look, I'm terribly sorry.

There's been a mistake.

There is no fire here.

That's right, this isn't Blanche.

So that remark about the fire hose was totally wasted.

I set off the smoke alarm.

How?

Cigarette.

Oh, no thank you, I don't smoke.

Now, how did you set off the alarm?

I smoked a cigarette, you amoeba.

I'm sorry, Rose, I'm sorry.

I'm just so upset that I started smoking again.

Well, why did you start again?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I've just been under a lot of stress lately.

My job, Ma getting married...

You're growing older, you don't go out much, your chin is starting to droop.

Since I've already had the cigarette, why don't you just blindfold me and sh**t me?

(Sophia)

Hello!

Honeymoon's over.

We're back.

Don't let Ma know I have been smoking.

She will k*ll me.

Ma!

Dorothy!

What was that for?

You've been smoking.

I have not.

Then you've been smoking.

No, I haven't.

Ma, it was me.

That's for lying.

Dorothy, you quit 15 years ago.

You told me you'd never smoke again.

I know, Ma, I'm sorry.

Oh...

You know, I quit once, I can quit again.

Hi, everybody.

It's me, Max, the blushing groom.

Well, how was the honeymoon?

I tell you, that Disney World hotel was just wonderful.

It had everything.

Good service, delicious food, a beautiful room.

What did you think of the rides?

They got rides?

Don't worry about it.

You had a good time and you never had to stand in line.

We'd like to stay and chat, but we want to get settled in our new place.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Come back soon.

Oh, aren't they cute?

We forgot something.

We forgot to get a new place.

You're kidding?

Don't worry.

We just need a roof over our heads for a couple of days while we look.

Doesn't have to be anything fancy.

Girls?

Would you all like to stay here with us?

Here?

Gee, that didn't even cross my mind.

What do you think, Max?

Well, there's no pool...

All right, we'll stay - but only for a couple of days.

Get the bags, pumpkin.

He likes to eat breakfast in his underwear.

I hope that's not a problem for anyone.

I need a cigarette.

No, Dorothy!

You sit right down here.

Now, you need to exercise a little self-control.

Dorothy, listen.

You can quit smoking.

Now, just do it the way I did it, just taper off - smoke only after sex.

Good idea.

One pack'll last her a lifetime.

(Dorothy singing)

Dorothy?

Out in a minute, Ma.

(Max)

Hiya, cupcake.

It's time to play connect the freckles.

(Dorothy)

Not now, Max.

Would you hand me the...

Aagh!

What the hell is going on here?

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

This has been a big mistake.

I thought Sophia was in the shower.

Hand me my glasses.

I'm blind as a bat without 'em.

Aagh!

Shut up, Max.

Blanche, hand me my robe.

Here you are.

Now, listen.

We love you two a lot, but you've been here for three weeks, and this living arrangement is not working out.

I guess we forgot how hard it is to live with a man in the house.

Why?

What did I do?

Well, you snore.

You don't pick up after yourself.

You never remember to lift the toilet seat.

Please!

He hardly ever remembers to lift up the toilet lid.

Fine, fine.

We'll start looking for a place today.

Come on, Max.

So what did you think of the apartment?

Too many old people.

All those hearing aids interfere with the cable TV.

You want a Life Saver?

What kind you got?

Peppermint.

I don't like peppermint.

I like butterscotch.

You got butterscotch?

Does it say 7-Eleven across my forehead?

I got peppermint.

I'll try one.

I like butterscotch better.

What is this?

Coconut?

Peppermint!

Don't yell, I heard you the first time.

It's nice to sit here at the beach.

Yeah.

Beach is nice.

Always was.

My Sal used to like the beach.

Tell me about it.

That's why he wanted to open a pizza-knish stand on the boardwalk in Coney Island.

Now, there was a million-dollar idea.

A million dollars was a bargain for that idea.

That business was Sal's dream.

Too bad it didn't work out.

Yeah, bad timing.

(saxophonist starts playing jazz)

Hey!

Hey, hey.

Hey, you're driving away the birds with that noise.

You know a real song?

Do you have a buck?

"It Had To Be You." That was Sal's favorite song.

(plays "It Had To Be You")

♪ It had to be you

♪ It had to be you

♪ I wandered around, and finally found...

Speaking of found, look what I found.

Butterscotch.

Doesn't get much better than this.

Oh, it is such a beautiful day!

It sure is.

What are you gonna do today, Dorothy?

Sit in a dark room and smoke ten packs of cigarettes.

Dorothy, I know what you're going through.

I smoked for years.

You smoked?

Rose, that's like finding out Lassie was an alcoholic.

Lassie was an alcoholic?!

That explains why she always tipped to one side when she waved goodbye to Timmy.

Hi, everybody!

We've got some great news.

We found a place.

It's absolutely perfect.

It's near the beach, it's reasonably priced, and it's just the right size.

Ma, that's great.

We're so excited, we can't wait to show it to you.

Well?

What do you think?

Ma, this is a run-down old concession stand.

You can't live here.

We're not living here.

We leased it.

It took every dime we had, but it's a dream come true.

I don't understand.

You should have that printed on a T-shirt.

We're opening the old business again.

A million-dollar idea deserves a second chance.

Ma, come on.

You're both over 80.

Starting a business is hard work.

Yeah, for amateurs.

But we've already done this before.

By the way, we'll be staying with you until the business gets off the ground.

Well, what happens if the business fails?

We'll have to talk about a night-light for the bathroom.

Max.

Put the paintbrush down a minute.

Taste this pizza.

I want an absolutely honest opinion.

I'm dying.

Yeah?

It's gorgeous.

Yeah?

Perfection!

Like velvet in my mouth.

A masterpiece!

A Picasso with mozzarella.

A Rembrandt with tomato sauce.

I thought it needed more salt.

And garlic.

It's a little flat.

Oh, wow!

Look at this.

Why, the place is really coming along.

Boy, I'll say it is.

I have to give you two credit.

It looks like it's really gonna happen.

Why shouldn't it happen?

I know the pizza business like the back of my hand.

I never noticed that before.

What do you think it would cost to remove that?

Let's talk about it at home.

It's getting late.

Let's go.

We have a few more hours of work here.

Aw, Ma, you're overdoing it.

We're fine.

Besides, we want our grand opening in time for the big beach festival this weekend.

Sophia, it's getting damp and chilly out here.

You're gonna catch yourself a cold.

Please!

I haven't had a cold in 40 years.

This is the worst cold I've had in 40 years.

My back is k*lling me.

I feel dizzy and nauseous.

Every joint in my body feels like it's on fire.

Boy, you really caught a nasty bug.

Please!

I'm 84 years old.

I feel like this every day.

Never fear, Doctor Rose is here.

I made you both an old-fashioned St.

Olaf tonic.

Guaranteed to get you back on your feet and put hair on your chest.

That's the one nasty side effect they could never figure out.

I'm feeling better.

I think I'll go check the stand.

The big beach festival is this weekend.

We have to be open for that.

If we don't make some money, we'll lose our lease.

Max, it is out of the question.

She's right.

We're too sick.

The dream has ended.

It's over.

It's a dirty rotten shame we couldn't find somebody who could find it in their heart to help this absolutely adorable old couple fulfill their dream of a lifetime.

Oh, all right, all right.

We will.

You?

Do you have any experience?

No.

You're hired.

Boy, making pizza really brings back a flood of childhood memories.

Make a lot of pizza as a kid?

No.

My favorite uncle, Uncle Gunther, used to sprinkle Parmesan cheese on his hair.

Why would he do that?

He said it was the perfect compliment to the croutons he'd taped to his eyebrows.

He had a Caesar complex.

Salad, not Julius.

Rose, maybe you ought to work on the knishes.

Or did you have an uncle who was a Mr.

Potato Head?

Dorothy, you're just cranky 'cause you haven't had a cigarette in a while.

Maybe a little.

But I'll tell you the truth, I think I'm over the worst part of it.

That's great.

I'm really proud of you.

You'd think you'd miss that feeling you get with that first puff, that feeling of relaxation when you hold it in, and then the sheer exhilaration as you exhale slowly.

No, not really.

I've found other ways to ease my tensions.

Honey, would you hand me that large saucepan over there?

Oh, sure.

No, the one behind it, the really big one.

You know, you really have to give Max and Sophia credit.

This business was their dream, and they're going after it.

I wish I'd done that with my dream.

Fine.

Honey, would you check on the pizzas one may be ready?

Why don't you want to hear my dream?

Because it is always the same thing with you, Blanche.

Sex, sex, sex.

I am tired of hearing it.

Maybe that's because you're not getting any, Dorothy.

Do you want the pot again, Rose?

Well, it just so happens that it was not about sex.

There's a lot more than that to Blanche Devereaux.

My dream was to be a great scientist.

Work in a laboratory.

Do research.

Find a cure for the common cold.

You know, Blanche, I owe you an apology.

I really thought...

Then I'd knock all those test tubes off the table, grab a Ph.D., and show those lab rabbits how it's really done.

It's gonna be a long afternoon.

This is so depressing.

We haven't had a customer in two hours.

Well, that's because we need promotion.

You know, Blanche is right.

It doesn't matter how good your product is, you have to know how to promote it.

That sure was the case with Fritz Vanderhoeven, who owned the St. Olaf Motor Coach Company.

They built a car in St. Olaf?

They sure did.

The Vanderhoeven Rocket.

Oh, it was a beauty.

Fritz really had vision.

Actually, he had double vision, which is why it had eight tires.

So, uh...

What happened?

It never got off the ground.

Bad promotion.

Which was a shame, because it's the first car to this day that ran on free fuel.

It was totally powered by cow manure.

I think a lot of people were turned off by the ad - a cow sitting on a gas t*nk, reading the Farmers' Almanac.

How's it going?

Ma, what are you doing here?

I feel better and I wanted to get some air.

How's business?

We've only had two customers all day.

I think it's such a nice hot day, they're all in the water.

That's your problem?

You can't get the people out of the water?

Amateurs.

Let me show you how you run a pizza-knish stand at the beach.

Shark!

Shark!

Shark!

(screaming and yelling)

Now they're out of the water, start selling.

Uh, pizza.

Step right up.

And after Ma got everybody out of the water, people started trying our food.

Before we knew it, there wasn't a pizza or a knish left on the shelf.

The place is a hit.

Sophia, I am very proud of you.

Not only did you save the business, but you saved all those people from the shark.

Don't look so worried.

I handle the books.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

What?

Oh, no...

No, we'll be right there.

What's the matter?

I don't understand it.

How could the stand burn to the ground?

I don't know.

We were so careful.

I have a confession to make.

The reason I sent you two ahead and said I'd lock up...

is because I wanted a cigarette.

And I guess I didn't put it out.

Oh...

Well, I wouldn't worry.

How much harm can it do?

The place already burnt down.

Rose, you dummy, she means her cigarette started the fire.

Max, Ma, I have never felt so bad in my entire life.

I don't know what to say.

It was an accident, pussycat.

Don't worry about it.

That's it?

That's all you have to say?

Uh-huh.

Oh, Ma, please yell at me.

Please scream at me.

Please make me feel guilty.

I mean, if you don't say anything, I'll feel twice as bad.

I know.

I'm not an amateur at this.

We finally found the cause of the fire.

Take me away.

Cuff me.

Well, I'd like to take you to dinner first.

Then we could play the rest by ear.

But business before pleasure.

Your fire was caused by a faulty coil in the pizza oven.

I'll write up a report for your insurance company.

But this is wonderful news!

Dorothy, it wasn't your fault.

And with the insurance money, Max and Sophia can build again, bigger and better than ever.

From these ashes a phoenix will rise!

Stronger, healthier, more vibrant, more successful than before.

(both)

Eh.

Why did you say "Eh"?

It just came out.

Me too.

Did you have fun rebuilding the old business?

Eh...

It always felt like something was missing.

I can tell you what that was.

My Salvadore.

And my Esther.

Sophia, I think we got a problem here.

Is there anything we can do, Sophia?

Go get two cheesecakes and wait up for me.

I have a feeling the four of us will be talking till dawn.

Max, do you love me?

Sure.

You?

I love you.

Are you in love with me?

What is this?

The Oprah Winfrey Show?

You know what I mean.

Are you in love with me the way you were with Esther?

No.

Do you love me the way you did Sal?

I thought I did.

But now I think I might have confused a great friendship with a great love.

Boy, if this was Ronald Colman and Greer Garson, there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house.

This is the kind of mistake you make when you're 19.

It gives me hope to think you can be just as dopey at 82.

So.

Do you want to get a divorce?

Hey, I'm Catholic.

I don't need a divorce on my record with St.

Peter in spitting distance.

I say we get separated.

Fine.

That's a better idea.

I'll go back to Brooklyn.

My family's there, my grandkids.

And I miss the old neighborhood.

And I'll stay here in Miami.

Ever since I lost my Sal, the ladies I live with are my family.

But that doesn't mean we can't get together occasionally for...

You know.

You can do that when you're just friends?

Hey, I want to get in good with St.

Peter, I don't want his job.

You know, me and Esther, and you and Salvadore, we were all good together.

The best.

Hey, Mister.

You want me to play "It Had To Be You," for the two of you?

I want you to play it for the four of us.

(plays "It Had To Be You")