Diary of a Teenage Girl, The (2015)

[bunniefuu]

I had sex today.

Holy shit.

My name is Minnie Goetze.

I'm a 15-year-old living in San Francisco, California, recording this onto a cassette tape because my life has gotten really crazy of late, and I need to tell someone about it.

If you're listening to this without my permission, please stop now.

Just stop. Okay?

So...

I don't remember being born.

I was a very ugly child.

My appearance has not improved, so I suppose it was a lucky break when he was attracted by my youthfulness.

Hey, Domino, you stupid cat, I love you.

Hey, Domino, do I look different than I did yesterday?

In all matter of factuality, it happened like this...

I was wearing a ratty old nightgown, which is embarrassing when I think about it, but I'm not gonna change that detail 'cause it's the truth.

My mother was married for a long time to my stepdad Pascal.

He's a science-y guy. A PhD.

He has a lot of ideas about how the world works.

Doesn't think women should drink or smoke.

Mom! You're so gross. I can't even watch TV without you...

Maybe that's why she isn't married to him anymore.

Wait.

She's looser now.

-You really... -Cocaine.

What's his last name?

I thought you were gonna...

Monroe is her boyfriend, but they aren't possessive.

I'm going to bed. I'm tired.

I'm crashing, you guys.

All right. Good night.

-Good night. -Good night.

I know it seems weird, but I had this strangely calming feeling that even if he meant to touch my tit, it's probably all right, because he's a good guy, and he knows how it goes and I don't.

But I wonder if my breast felt small.

Monroe. Pitter-pat.

You touched my tit. How was that?

Can I just say touching your breasts was...

I can't even say it.

They're really great, Minnie.

Fantastic breasts. Just perfect.

Weirdo.

It feels so good to imagine that he might be thinking about me.

Not that I love him or anything.

I'm not stupid.

-You about ready, steady? -No, I don't think I wanna go.

I'm already in my skivvies.

It's two-for-one Tuesdays.

We're gonna watch Little House on the Prairie.

-Yeah. -No, no, no, come on. You promised.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.

-Just for a couple of drinks. -No.

I need to get out.

I will make it up to you, I promise. I'm sorry.

Come on.

Why don't you take Minnie?

What?

-Yeah. -No.

Minnie will go. Won't you, Min?

-She doesn't want to go. -Yeah, I do. Where?

See? Told ya.

Worthless.

It was good.

It was not good. This is good.

Man. I got it.

I got it.

Shut up. Shut up.

Gosh, you're such a lightweight.

No.

-That doesn't hurt? -What are you trying to do?

You're not even biting me.

I'm gonna bite you so f*cking hard.

Are you even biting down? I'm not feeling it.

-You're drunk. -No, I'm not drunk.

I'm just really strong, and my fists are made of steel, that's why.

I feel nothing. Nothing.

You're not even biting.

You're far away.

You just gave me a hard-on.

I did?

Yeah, I'm hard.

You don't believe me?

It's hard.

See?

It didn't feel too hard to me. It was still skin.

I want you to f*ck me.

All right. You're shit-faced, Minnie.

Come on.

I can't believe you said you want me to f*ck you.

Do you really want me to f*ck you?

None of your f*cking business.

You really do want me to f*ck you, don't you?

You really f*cking want me to f*cking f*ck you.

I didn't know if I wanted him or anyone else to f*ck me, but I was afraid to pass up the chance 'cause I may never get another.

The inside of his mouth was all smooth.

I tried giving him a blow job in the car.

He said he wants to f*ck me, but we can't tonight.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Is this what it feels like for someone to love you?

Somebody wants me.

Somebody wants to have sex with me.

Hey-

You gonna get in trouble for skipping school?

No.

-You feel like sandwiches? -Yeah.

What?

I didn't know you were a virgin.

You look good.

Will you take my picture?

Why?

Please. I just wanna see.

No, no, no. Are you crazy?

You better not show that to anyone.

Can't even see where I am.

Ms. Hearst is still being examined by Dr. William Sargent, a brainwash expert flown in from London at her parents' expense.

Findings had no bearing...

Minnie, Minnie, come watch with us.

Yeah, it's history in the making.

...by a bank camera taking part in an armed robbery...

She's not mentally ill. f*ck this guy.

Just because she left her bourgeois family to start over.

I know how you feel, Patty.

What kind of person falls in love with the people who kidnap them?

...move her trial date back.

But when her trial does begin in January, there's a good possibility Dr. Sargent will then be called...

Is that what you wore today?

Mom.

I'm just saying it wouldn't k*ll you to show off your waist a little bit.

Geez.

I had sex today. Holy shit.

That was about an hour ago, and now I can't believe I've actually said it out loud.

I think this makes me officially an adult.

Right?

All right, tell me.

I can't tell you, you have to guess.

You f*cked somebody.

What? How did you know?

I'm so happy. Who was it?

Guess. Gretel is listening.

I am not. You're so full of yourself.

Wait. Was it that guy that works at the liquor store, the cute one?

No.

Was it someone I know?

Yes.

Wait a minute. It's not Monroe, is it?

My God, Minnie, that is so sick.

Don't you think he's kind of cute?

No, I do not think he's cute. He's so old.

Minnie, he sleeps with your mom.

Only 'cause he has to, otherwise she'll suspect something.

I don't know, Minnie.

Don't you kind of feel like he's taking advantage of you or something?

I mean, you're so much younger than him.

Minnie?

I'm gonna k*ll you!

Minnie, don't!

Quit spying on me!

What were you talking about?

Hey-

Hey-

-ls your mom home? -No.

Why? Did you come to see her?

No. I came to see you, silly.

You got a pretty good arm.

Wanna box?

-Yeah. -Well...

Really? Come on then.

What were you doing before I got here?

-Nothing. -Were you thinking about me?

-No. -No?

-Min, I think you were. -Hello!

Hey. There you are.

Let me get those.

Thank you. Hey, you look cute.

-Hey. -Hi.

What's the point of living if nobody loves you?

Nobody sees you.

Nobody touches you.

I wish I were older than I am.

I'm so alone.

It feels like there are little weights hanging from my heart that swing and tug every time I move, every time the wind blows.

I want someone to be so totally in love with me that they would feel like they would die if I were gone.

Maybe Monroe could love me like that.

What's your favorite color?

I don't know.

Blue.

Why are you asking me such stupid questions?

Or maybe not.

I am so warm all over.

I want a body pressed up next to me so that I know that I'm really here.

Mom and Andrea got some coke from Michael Cocaine and it gave them the energy to clean the whole house today.

Hi. We're making dinner right now.

So far, we've got peas that are cooking. Do you want me to make you some pasta?

What kind of pasta do you like? I forget. Macaroni.

Do you want me to make you a little bit of macaroni? Okay.

My mother's friend, Martin Chong, wrote her a poem.

He's one of the many men who's in love with her.

Waiting in line with a number in their hand like at the deli counter.

He wrote it on a lacy purple piece of rice paper that I found crumpled in the trash.

I think it's beautiful.

"It would've been better to have slept and dreamed

"than to watch the night pass and the slow moon sink."

I wonder if Monroe is masturbating thinking about me tonight.

Monroe says I exude sexuality.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I can't believe what I see.

I just realized I've had breasts for three full years now.

He's f*cked me seven times now.

All I can think about is the f*cking.

Monroe is a good lay from what I know in my limited knowledge.

He is very tall and strong and has two strong muscular thighs and a big manly chest.

As for myself, I'm not really attractive at all.

But I do think I look different now.

Probably my aura.

And I think people are noticing.

But what do we make of the moment when he touches Holden's forehead while he slept?

Holden's attitudes about h*m* come into question as do his ability of perception.

Is there something questionable going on, or is that all in Holden's mind?

Even if she knew what she was doing in the bank, she was a prisoner.

Kidnapped, r*ped. Come on, she's a victim.

I don't know.

I guess it does seem kind of counter-progressive or something.

It's bullshit. it's fascist, misogynistic bullshit.

You know, you should really pay attention to this kind of stuff.

Read a newspaper once in a while.

Yeah, you've said that.

I'm gonna get some ice.

Your mom's really gorgeous.

I don't know. I guess.

Aren't you afraid she's gonna find out about you and Monroe?

What if they get married? It's so sick.

Obviously, I can't tell her about, you know...

I mean, what am I supposed to say? Mom, I'm sleeping with your boyfriend.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll tell her when we're both old and gray, and Monroe is cold in his grave. You know?

Do you think I should start ironing my hair straight?

Or is it sort of classic like this?

Kimmie's kind of white trash, don't you think?

She is not.

No, I mean it in a good way. You know, she's like down-to-earth.

I love her Farrah Fawcett hairdo. It's so a Ia mode.

I mean, I'm glad your hair's not like that. I'm just saying it looks cute on her.

Boys love Kimmie.

Really?

I don't know.

I mean, I think she looks better in pants than she does in skirts.

Her ankles are sort of thick, I think.

Mom.

I don't want to brag, but I was quite a piece when I was your age.

I don't know what's wrong with you. I'd think you'd be more into boys.

Even Gretel has a boyfriend.

I mean, he's just a weird, little Italian boy in her class, but still.

Don't you like anybody?

You can tell me.

-No. -No?

When I was in high school, well, boys were all over me.

Like my dad?

Yeah.

Yeah, your dad and I were crazy about each other.

He wasn't messed up then.

I mean, he was just a wannabe artist with a f*ck-the-world attitude.

And he rode a Triumph Blackbird.

Have I ever told you that? f*ck, it was fantastic.

And my parents hated him. It was so hot.

You know, you're not gonna have that bod forever, Min.

I know that's not very feminist of me to say, but you might be happier if you put it out there a little bit, you know?

Wear some makeup? Wear a skirt once in a while?

Jesus. Get some attention.

You have a kind of power, you know. You just...

You don't know it yet.

No, no, no, no, no. Keep going.

Keep going. Keep going.

Come on. Come on.

We have to stop this.

Why would you say that?

Do you think I'm fat?

You're so f*cking confusing with your adult codes and bullshit.

Minnie.

I'm used to the more honest means of communication used between children.

You know, I'm almost still a child. You know?

Yeah, I know that.

That's why I said we have to stop.

I don't know what it is. You have some kind of hold on me.

But I don't want it to stop.

Maybe I should just ignore everything.

But I like sex. I wanna get laid right now.

I really like getting f*cked.

Does everyone think about f*cking as much as I do?

That's Aline Kominsky, man.

It's good shit.

Check it out, Girl Scout. Expand your mind.

I've decided, Aline Kominsky is my favorite cartoonist.

She must be beautiful and work all the time at a little drawing table with R. Crumb nearby at his drawing table.

And they discuss their drawings and their pens.

I imagine they're happy.

I wish I knew someone who was happy.

I feel like all of Monroe's excuses not to come here, are excuses not to see me.

My mom thinks it's about her.

"Dear Monroe, I know you think I'm fat.

"But I don't care, because I know that

"black guys, the world over, and also Italian construction workers

"and w*tbacks and old men and also some lesbians like fat girls, "even if you don't, so there.

"Love, Little Minnie."

-Hello? -Minnie.

Pascal.

-Don't sound so excited. -Sony.

You get that biology test back?

B-minus.

And are we happy with that?

How's New York?

You would love it here.

The libraries alone elevate it far above San Francisco.

Sounds cool.

New York City, it's such a great place for a young lady.

You could live with me.

I was your surrogate father for years, and, you know, that doesn't end just because your mother and I are no longer legally bound.

I am gonna send you a book on flies.

Where's your mother?

I don't know. She's not back from work yet.

Is she coming home today?

I guess. She didn't say she wasn't.

She usually finishes at the library around 6:00.

So, who's she going out with these days?

I didn't say she was going out with anyone. You don't even listen to me, Pascal.

That's not true, Minnie.

Besides, Mom isn't even really partying. She's like a monk or a nun or whatever.

Well, don't tell her I was asking about her, okay?

It'd just complicate things between she and I.

I just finished The Final Days.

"Dear Aline Kominsky. Hello.

"My name is Minnie Goetze, and I'm an aspiring cartoonist.

"I'm a huge fan of yours.

"Most cartoons don't amuse me at all, but I absolutely love yours.

"I just completed my first real comic. It's only one page.

"It's about walking around in the city.

"I used India ink, but I wasn't sure what kind of paper to use.

"What do you use? With admiration, Minnie Goetze."

it stirs up a kind of frustrated passion in my heart to think about Monroe sometimes.

To think about him out with my mother.

-Careful. -Fine.

Where're you going?

Just one, sir.

No. No, no, no. Don't be such a drag.

We haven't even sung to you yet.

-I'm tired. -Come on.

No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

All right, I'm gonna make another toast, toast from... For his birthday.

To Monroe's birthday.

It will never get better than this.

What?

It's never gonna get any better than 35.

k*ll me.

-Happy birthday. -No. Happy birthday.

-It's not my birthday. -No? But it's your...

You're such a f*cking good woman.

There aren't enough women like you in California.

-Thank you. -Right, Burt?

-Right, Burt? Right, Burt? -That's right.

Minnie! Guys, Minnie's here!

Such a good little shit.

Minnie, come.

It's my birthday.

To Minnie.

She's such a great kid.

-To Minnie. -To Minnie.

I wonder if anybody loves me who I don't know about.

-Hey, Minnie. -Hey, Chuck.

I heard you got put on academic probation. You might get kicked out.

Yeah.

Bogue.

I don't care.

I wanna be an artist, anyway, so school is essentially pointless for me.

I'll be right back.

Slut.

If it isn't, Mon Chéri.

What are you doing right now?

What are you waiting for? Don't be scared.

Hold on.

Let's turn over. Turn. Just turn.

Okay.

See? See, slower.

Come on, fat ass.

Are we gonna go to your place?

I thought you wanted to look at boats with me.

Well, yeah, I do.

But then are we gonna go to your place?

What are you? Some kind of nympho or something?

No. f*ck you. You're so disgusting.

I don't even know why you brought me here.

Come on.

Don't get nervous in the service, okay?

We're just gonna look at this boat real quick.

You look nice today.

What?

You look pretty.

And you're not fat.

You know, you have a great body.

I do not.

Come on aboard, take a look around.

-I'll wait for you up on the dock. -Thank you, sir.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

Freeport style!

-I dig it. It's nice, huh? -I guess.

-Here you go. -Thanks.

So, you wanna take a trip around the world?

You can be my first mate.

Like Gilligan?

Like Gilligan.

I'll put you to work in the galley. Get a little cat for the ship.

It's like a little house.

Are you really gonna get it?

I kind of wish it was blue.

Yeah, me, too.

Yeah, but I really am gonna get a boat, though.

I just have to wait till my vitamin business takes off.

See, I'm gonna build up this mail order empire.

And then I'll retire when I'm 45, just sell it all.

Get my boat.

Become the captain of my own destiny.

-Wait. Minnie, Minnie. -What?

We gotta lay low.

You draw too much attention to us.

-I can do what I want. -No.

Stop it.

-You afraid the sailor is gonna hear us? -No.

You chicken?

I warned you.

Someone is asking for it, huh?

You need to be restrained!

Don't touch me, you big, fat lout!

You're getting feisty! Stop wiggling, woman!

God!

Yeah? Is this what you want?

Help! Help, I'm being r*ped!

I don't think you should show these to anyone.

Why?

Well, they're gonna weird people out.

They're kind of freaky.

Are these supposed to be sexy?

All right, I gotta take you home.

-No. -Yes.

No. No, no, no. I don't wanna go yet.

Well, it's time.

Come on.

Why are you trying to get rid of me?

Oh, my God.

It's not fair.

I never see you.

I am gonna run outside completely naked.

I bet your neighbor will see me.

Stop. It's not funny.

No.

Yes.

Will you tell me about your parents?

-No. -Please.

You tell my mother everything about your life.

Minnie, you're f*cking hyper.

I gotta take you home. It's late.

Hey. Come back here.

Hey!

I think we need to talk about our relationship.

Really?

I'm serious.

Well, I know you are.

-Don't laugh at me. -I'm not laughing.

-Don't! -I'm not.

Don't... Get your hands off me. Get your hands off me or...

-Or what? -Or I'm gonna tell my mother!

Get dressed.

You can't take it?

-Get dressed, I'm taking you home. -No!

You ruined it, Minnie!

You're a f*cking child!

I should tell your mother!

You want that?

You're manipulating me!

Well, I'm not having it!

I hate you.

Yeah, well, I like you.

f*ck Monroe. He's just a dirty old man.

Minnie, look at me. Look.

Oh, my God.

I swear I feel Iggy Pop's d*ck. You have to try this.

Okay. All right.

It does feel like he has a tiny d*ck in there!

And it's hard, too.

I would suck Iggy Pop's d*ck.

Too gay-

No, he's androgynous. It's hot.

Hey, you know that mixed couple I babysit for?

Well, anyway, the dad, Marcus, he's black.

God, I love black guys.

They always look so tough and smell so gutsy.

I give him blowjobs all the time.

-No way. -Yeah.

He comes home early from bowling while his skinny white wife is still out with her girlfriends, and I suck his d*ck until tears come to my eyes.

I have to rub Vaseline all over my lips, because his d*ck is so big, it feels like my mouth is gonna rip at the corners.

What? Wait. How big is it, really?

He wants to screw me, but I'm way too scared.

And now, the making of a harlot.

She was a young girl driven astray by the lustful lure of the flesh.

She looked every bit the harlot she was bound to become.

With her brassiere straps exposed, her tight pants rode up snugly at the crotch, almost like a horse, when viewed from behind.

He was a beautiful junior, rich and famous in high school.

His name? Ricky Wasserman.

What?

It's just so intense.

I mean, there's something about having sex with you, Minnie, kind of scares me.

Look, you're just so passionate.

I mean, I've just never experienced someone who has sex like that.

No!

Mom!

Mom?

Minnie. Minnie's home.

Come here. My girl. My girl, girl, girl.

-Andrea, look how pretty she is. -Yeah.

She's like a little doll.

My mother doesn't touch me if she can avoid it.

She used to touch me a lot, in a motherly way, when I was little.

But then...

There's something sexual about Minnie's need for physical affection from you.

It's not natural.

Hey! Come on, lazy bones!

Help me.

Come on, Minnie. I wanna dance with you, too.

We should send Minnie out to go get us some more wine.

We're out of it already?

How long have you been home? I thought you were working late.

I got fired from the library, that's why I'm not working late.

Okay?

Does that make you happy?

Don't worry about it, honey. It's not you.

Miss Thing! You girls look so elegant. I love your eyes.

Kimmie did us both.

I'll do you, Frankie. You'll look so hot.

What about you, Chuck?

-Do you wanna get a makeover? -No.

Is Frankie your boyfriend?

I wouldn't blame you.

-Bitch, you are looking foxy. -Thanks, baby.

Hey-

You're tough.

What are you, a truck driver or something?

I can't believe you smoked pot with Tabatha. She's so disgusting.

You don't know her. She's cool.

Hey, boys.

They're cute.

I want them to buy me another drink.

Do you think that they would think that we're prostitutes?

That would be amazing.

Hookers have all the f*cking power. Everybody knows that.

I've been practicing my prost*tute walk.

-Watch. -Okay.

What happened?

I said it was five bucks for us to suck their dicks.

Fifteen for the f*ck of their f*cking lives.

They're counting their money.

I don't think we should have done that.

Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.

I feel weird and creepy about it.

Yeah. I do, too.

Maybe we should promise each other never to do anything like that again.

Agreed.

-Bonjour. -Bonjour, Pascal.

No, don't you remember how I taught you how to shake hands?

Come on. You do it firmly.

You look directly in the other man's eyes, thinking to yourself, I'm better than you, you son of a bitch.

Let me try.

Bravo, bravissima.

Sit, sit, sit.

I got you espressos. Yours is decaf.

I don't get to see you two enough.

Just so you know, Pascal, I have to be at my friend's house by 3:00.

Gretel, call me Dad, please.

Geez, okay.

Look at you young ladies, you look so much older.

-How's school? -Fine.

How's your mother?

-She's doing really... -She got fired.

-Gretel! -What?

She what?

She got laid off. it wasn't her fault.

Okay, you know,

what you girls may not understand about your mother is she is, and has always been, incapable of taking responsibility for her own life.

Don't talk about our mom like that, please.

Yeah, Pascal, don't talk about our mom like that.

Dad. It's Dad.

And, okay, fine, just stop with the inquisition.

I'm gonna go see if they have iced tea. I hate coffee.

It's espresso.

You know, I'm not the bad guy here.

Just because your mother and I no longer share a marital bed...

Oh, my God. Gross.

You have to understand, it's difficult to go from raising you and your sister to barely having a say in any of your decisions.

Whose choice was that?

Well, if you must know, it was your mother's.

And that is not to say I was without fault, but she became increasingly frightening to me in some sense.

She does not live life according to rules I understand.

Pascal, do you really want to help?

Yes, I do. Of course I do.

Morn doesn't have a job anymore. She's looking for another one.

But we kind of don't have any money.

She doesn't know I'm asking you.

I get it. You're just trying to help. But...

You know, Minnie, neither of us can help her.

That's bullshit. You could help if you cared about us.

I care about you, Minnie. I care about your well-being.

Why do you think it's me who's paying for that rich, hippy school of yours?

'Cause you just want everyone to think that your step-kid is good at science, or something.

You don't really care about me.

Okay, this conversation is closed. You're getting emotional.

Fine.

Fine.

If your mom wants something from me, she needs to ask me herself.

-Ask you what, Pascal? -Dad! For f*ck's sake!

What are you doing here?

You forgot this.

Is Charlotte here?

No, sir.

You have something she wants, and she can be pretty grabby.

Well, I'll be horn-swaggled.

A solid gold talking flute with a diamond skin condition.

-Have her call me. -Yes, sir.

We better go see Dr. Blinky. He's a man of great knowledge.

Also, head of my anti-smog, pollution and witch committee.

I feel so awkward and ugly and naive and lonely.

I know how you feel.

I have no friends. I don't want to go to school ever again.

Nobody loves me.

Maybe I should k*ll myself.

No. Alienation is good for your art.

Maybe I should paint a picture. I should paint a picture.

It doesn't matter what kind of art you do, you just have to do it.

I wanna discipline myself to draw every day. That's what I have to do, right?

I get distracted sometimes.

I'm overwhelmed by my all-consuming thoughts about sex and men.

I always wanna be touched.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't know either.

Maybe you're a nympho. I'm f*cking with your head.

Everybody wants to be touched.

I bet I'll listen to these tapes in a decade or so.

If I'm still alive.

Reminiscing over my wild teenage-hood.

Maybe I'll even let my husband hear. But he may get too jealous.

What we did gets me sick. It was so pornographic.

The sexual nature of Kimmie Minter is a viscous cervical mucus that always welcomes mating.

She didn't bring my waffles yet?

-Not yet. -I'm starving.

So, where'd Monroe go this morning?

EST.

It's this personal growth workshop thing he's doing in Sacramento.

That's hilarious.

He's trying to better himself. I think it's noble.

-You don't understand him. -Minnie...

You don't. It's not your fault.

I mean, I know you try, but he's tough to get to know.

He doesn't let many people in.

Look, you don't have to be worried.

It's just a one-time experience, it's no big deal.

I know.

It's not like I love him or anything.

I mean, not that you do.

I love Monroe.

I do.

Okay.

Hello?

Minnie.

-It's me. Monroe.

How's EST?

I kind of got arrested for drunk driving.

-What? -Yeah.

And I didn't have any shoes on.

And I didn't have my wallet.

Don't worry, it's fine.

'Cause, the cop was... He was really, really nice and he let me ride around in his car all night, chasing bad guys until I sobered up.

Isn't that pretty wild?

Yeah.

I don't know. I just wanted to tell you about it.

And, you know, I knew that you would be the only one who'd appreciate it.

Hey, could you just talk?

He loves me.

-Well, have you! -Are you crazy?

She's just a kid.

Yeah, she may just be a kid, but she's still got tits and ass.

I think you can see that as well as I can.

Pascal needs to have the f*cking shit kicked out of him.

Why do you think he would say something like that?

Because he doesn't want you to be happy.

He can't deal with the fact that you've moved on, and he hasn't.

You are so full of shit, Monroe!

I've seen you staring at her tits!

My God, are you... What are you saying?

I don't even know if she has tits. No.

I don't. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't.

How would I know? I don't look.

I was probably looking at your tits, and you got confused.

-Jesus Christ. -Honey, come sit.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Breathe.

Okay, okay, okay. Have a little sip of this.

Don't let Mr. PhD manipulate you like this.

You're an independent woman. You don't take shit from anyone.

Right?

Yeah.

Look at you.

What else could I possibly want?

Nothing.

I guess it is kind of crazy.

-It's just that Pascal said that... -I don't want to hear his name.

It's all in here.

Is it?

Yes.

Hello.

Yeah, there they are.

She's beginning to suspect.

You make it so obvious.

I'm only human, whether you realize it or not.

And I have feelings, too, you know?

But I know how to keep things in check, not let it go too far.

And you, you don't.

I'm afraid you're gonna end up getting hurt.

I think it's better to end it now.

Everything is so loveless and mediocre.

I know how you feel. Trust me.

I've been in love once myself.

I hate men.

I hate men, but I f*ck them hard, hard, hard and thoughtlessly, because I hate them so much.

-Minnie, are you okay? -Leave me alone, f*ck face!

I hate myself.

I f*cking hate myself.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Can I do anything?

Actually, do you still have that acid you got from your brother?

I'm going insane, and it's your fault!

Can we just take a little nap for a second? I didn't sleep last night.

It's not just up to you to say this is over.

I have a say in this, too.

I hate seeing you like this.

We are gonna have a talk. I want... I want... I want us to talk.

Why don't you just let me sleep for half an hour first?

-No. -I didn't sleep last night at all.

Half an hour and then we'll talk about everything.

-Just a half an hour. -That's it.

Just sleep, I swear. Come on.

-This is my life. -Yeah.

So, did you f*ck anyone this week?

Why do you care?

You haven't been calling, so you must be getting it from somewhere.

Well...

I did meet this guy at the movies.

This black guy with a huge d*ck.

Yeah?

Well, what happened?

He f*cked me in the back of his car.

Really?

Just like that, huh?

Yeah.

I wanted it.

So, some stranger comes up to you who wants to f*ck you, and you say, "Yes."

You gotta be a bit more careful, Little Minnie.

You could end up f*cking some weirdo or a k*ller.

Okay.

If we made love, would it screw you up?

Honestly?

I won't get attached. I promise.

This is incredible.

I see...

Everything.

I knew it.

No, don't do that!

f*ck.

No.

Get off the bed. Get off the bed now!

It's level with the windows. It's gonna k*ll you.

Get off the bed now.

Minnie.

-I like the bed. -They're gonna see you.

Why won't you listen to me?

Get off the bed.

Quietly. Quietly, get off the bed. Get off the bed, now. Come here.

Come here, that one. Come!

Why won't you listen to me?

Minnie, get off the bed now!

Be quiet, be quiet.

Get off the bed.

Stay low, stay low.

Good.

Good. I think we're safe.

Why is this happening?

I need you, Minnie.

I need you to take care of me now.

I love you.

What?

I love you.

You don't love me?

I do.

You don't love me.

-L... -No! No, no, you don't love me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you so much.

I love you.

I love you.

No.

No, you don't.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

He was vulnerable and weak.

It was all I'd ever wanted, and now I had no desire for it.

You know, I was thinking, if you can keep it together, we could really date when you turn 18.

I mean, it's not that far away.

I might even have my boat by then.

I've already received my first shipment of the vitamin power tabs.

f*cking far out, by the way.

I refuse to be some sniveling cry-baby.

I'm a f*cking woman, and this is my life.

Hi.

Hey-

Your hand is hot.

It means you're alive.

You've got blood in your veins.

You scared?

To try it?

No.

I'm not afraid of anything.

-No? -No.

I'm not afraid of knives or g*ns, or fire or poison, r*pe, or being kidnapped and tortured, or brainwashed, hypnotized like that Patty Hearst girl.

Are you afraid of me?

A little.

...like they would die if I were gone.

Maybe Monroe could love me like that.

How long has this been going on?

What?

When did this start?

Mom...

How long, Minnie?

How long?

Mom? What's happening?

Minnie? Mom?

Gretel, out!

Who started it, you?

I knew it.

I knew it. I f*cking knew it.

And he made me feel like I was f*cking crazy, and I knew it!

Mom. Mom, I wanted to tell you.

I can't f*cking look at you.

Stay here.

f*ck!No!

No.

Mom?

There she is.

How you doin', kiddo?

Minnie, Monroe's got something he has to tell you.

-Sit down. -Let's just all relax, you know?

-Take it easy for a minute. -No, let's just get into it.

Let's get right to it. Right?

Isn't that what people do?

Okay. Minnie...

Your mother and I, we've been talking, and she, or we, thought that

maybe you and I should get married.

You're drunk.

I'm not drunk.

I mean, we get along pretty well. Don't you think? I think we do.

That's not the point, that you get along with her.

That's not the point.

The point is that you f*cked my daughter, and so you're gonna marry her. That's the point.

Mom.

What?

It's true, right? He porked you?

He porked you, and so now he's gotta marry you!

-People are staring. -Who cares? f*ck you.

What, are you embarrassed?

You embarrassed that you porked my daughter?

Are you crazy? Stop saying "pork."

Do not talk to me like that.

Not right now.

I got married when I was around your age, it's not so bad.

I said I would marry her.

And I will.

I'm a man of my word.

All right, then.

Great. You can marry her, and then you can f*ck her any time you want.

Yeah.

-Minnie. -Just let her go.

Hey, truck driver.

It's not a lit-up streetlight hazy darkness like most nights.

It is a black crisp night and my eyes are like headlights.

I've become nothing, finally.

No home, no school, no money.

I haven't been home in days. I don't know how it happened, really.

Who's Mike again?

My friend.

You met him last night. He's cool.

He has so many stairs.

I wanna go back to bed.

We Will.

We just gotta make this one stop first, okay? Like we talked about?

Mike's been asking about you.

So, I told him I'd come by.

He's got really good 'ludes.

Right.

You like that, don't you? Don't I know how to take care of my girl?

I'm hungry, though.

Everybody thinks you're so sexy.

Those eyes and that ass.

It's a good thing I'm not insecure, otherwise I might be getting all possessive and shit.

Possessive of me?

With guys like Mike lusting after you.

But it's not a big deal.

I'm not uptight, and you're not uptight, right?

What's not a big deal?

It'll be very quick. He only takes a few minutes.

I need you to do this for me, okay?

You gonna do this for me, baby?

Yeah.

Good.

Good. You're doing good.

Baby, you hungry? We're making grilled cheese.

Yeah, she's real young. You like that?

Minnie?

God damn it, Minnie.

Sorry.

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

-Yeah. -Oh, my God, we were so worried about you.

-I looked everywhere for you. -You did?

Of course.

I've been looking all night. I've looked every single night since you left.

I was so afraid...

-I'm so sorry. -it's okay.

I'm sorry.

-I wanted to tell you about Monroe. -No.

-I really did. I just... -Stop.

-...didn't know how to tell you. -No, please.

-And I knew that you would be... -Don't.

Okay?

I can't talk about that.

Ever. Okay?

-OK. -OK.

"Dear Minnie, thank you for your letter.

"It is refreshing to receive a letter from a girl, "because most letters I get are from greasy fan boys

"who think that I'm cute.

"Keep drawing those comics. Keep drawing anything you can.

"Just keep drawing.

"Oh, and I use Indian ink as well.

"Love, Aline Kominsky."

Did you ever go back to your preschool once you had gotten big, and everything looked miniature, like the chairs and the monkey bars, just much smaller than you remembered?

I know nothing's changed, but everything looks totally different to me now.

It's 50 cents.

Thanks.

-Hey. -Hi.

Hey-

You're alone, or...

No, Gretel's with me. She went to find a bathroom.

She had to pee.

Yeah.

So, you wanna buy a drawing?

Or a 'zine?

I have no money, you know?

Jogging shorts and all.

Here, take this one.

You can give the 50 cents to my mom the next time you see her.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Monroe.

Goodbye, Minnie.

I'm better than you, you son of a bitch.

I always thought I wanted to be exactly like my mom.

But she thinks she needs a man to be happy.

I don't.

If anyone asks, we're sisters.

So, maybe nobody loves me.

Maybe nobody will ever love me.

But maybe it's not about being loved by somebody else.

This is for all the girls when they have grown.

Signing off, trusty diary.