Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List (2015)

[bunniefuu]

( lighthearted music plays )

Woman: Some friendships are so important, you'd do anything to make them last.

That's why Ely and I created the no-kiss list.

What exactly is a no-kiss list, you ask?

Well, hold on a second. I'll get there.

( record scratches, rock music plays )

Muggies, late for school.

No. No.

Switch. Yeah, switch.

Mm, much better.

Oh, by the way, student revolt, classes cancelled.

That sucks. Oh, well. So funny, Pinocchio.

Any more, you're gonna need a nose job.

Woman: One thing you should know about me...

18 years of apartment living, and you still believe pressing the down button speeds up the elevator's arrival. Implicitly.

...I lie all the time.

Good morning, Mrs. Loy.

I lied to Mrs. Loy that I walked her dog

three times a day when she went to Atlantic City.

But honestly, I think that dog hates me.

Close it. Close it. Close it!

Good morning, Mr. McAllister.

( grunts indistinct words, laughs )

Bam.

Let's do this.

I like it.

Love it. Hello.

I lie to myself that it's meaningless when I don't tell Ely that Gabriel, the beautiful new doorman, may occasionally text me.

Hey, how's it going? And I lied to Bruce the first

when I let him let him he ever had a sh*t at being my first.

I hope the day continues to be good.

If it hasn't been good then I hope it changes--

All right. Step aside, kids.

Bye, boys. Bye! Have a great day.

( laughs ) Well, that was fun.

Thank you. Thank you.

We're going this way. Oh, take me away!

Man: ( German accent ) Fraulein, have you ever noticed that Gabriel's left eye is greener than his right?

( laughs ) Ely, you insult me.

What are you taking me for, some sort of amateur doorman stalker?

That's only the 37th thing I love most about him.

Oh, my God, Naomi, remind me to introduce you to this guy.

Freshman film freak, goes by the name of, uh, Bruce the second.

He's your boyfriend. Oh. Right. Him, But Gabriel's just so gaze-worthy.

Okay. Clearly, Gabriel belongs on the no-kiss list.

Fast, fast, don't get hit by a moped.

All right, keep up. You check the news. I'll stock up on snacks.

Why discriminate? You know what I mean?

The no-kiss list is meant for all truly, madly kissable boys, like Robert Pattison.

It hurts knowing that person's lips will never touch yours because of our ever-so-sacred vow of no-kissing lists.

Bye! Bye!

This is a new song, Otis?

Sure is, sweet baby.

Oh, I love it.

♪ Let me tell you, baby, what it is I'm looking for ♪ There you go, baby.

♪ Ain't more than a little bit ♪

♪ So if you got it, baby, I'll adore you... ♪ I'll walk you to class if we can take the scenic route.

And I lied to Ely that I'm okay with gay.

Ely: Do you see that one on the left?

Naomi: I am. Just... not for him.

Do I have to? Yes.

Naomi, it's not high school anymore, okay?

Have you seen the wreckage of our lives, lately.

Seems psych might be good for the soul.

Go in there. Show 'em who's boss.

It's 110% you.

You're beautiful. I love you. Come with me.

No. I can't. You got this. It's all on you.

Go. Go. Go. Git! Oh! No!

I don't wanna go!

Hug me. No. No. No. Back.

Come. ( groans )

( both laugh )

Oh, I lied to the NYU admissions committee when I told them I had a vision for my future.

Six weeks in, and I can barely see straight.

Naomi, over here! I saved you a seat.

Thanks, Robin.

Woman: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

We will be re-examining chapter five in our textbook...

Oh, crap. Ely always gives me a pen.

Thank you.

Access chapter five, page...

Naomi: You wanna know why I lie and what exactly Ely meant by the wreckage of our lives?

There's Ely, already making me feel better.

Ely and I have lived next door to each other our whole lives.

I was there when his moms could finally get married.

They may look happy here, but it became a total sh*t show when my dad had an affair with Ely's mom, Jenny.

The moms marriage survived... somehow, but my parents' didn't.

So I started lying to my mom to tell her she'd make it through.

It's not that I don't think she can.

I just don't think she wants to wake from the pharmaceutical haze she's been ever since dad left.

But Ely and I will always have each other.

We're city kids who never had big backyards, so we built our own urban tree house on top of the stairwell in our building.

It's our private hallowed ground.

Professor: Miss? Miss? Hello?

Are you finding it difficult to concentrate on our discussion of Freud and the unconscious?

Well, it may have appeared that I was zoning out.

I was actually exploring the very power of my unconscious.

Is that so?

Yes? ( chuckles )

Paper Lions: ♪ She made a move on me after I let a fire... ♪

( telephone line rings ) Ely: Hey, boo.

Yaffa Cafe, stat.

I-I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

Ely, seriously, come on, please, I need to talk to you.

My professor just totally chewed me out.

It was humiliating. Be in there in five.

Fine. I'll see you in ten.

♪ Peel away my thickest skin ♪

♪ I hesitate and you pull me in ♪

♪ Pull me in ♪

♪ Pull me i-i-n... ♪

Bruce, are you seriously gonna do that all semester?

What? I'm just trying to capture your essence.

Oh, did I tell you?

I think I decided on a title for my student film.

"Hot Child in the City."

Hot.

Oh, no, that's for Ely!

Oh.

That's... cool.

Uh, I got Orson Welles. I'll call you later?

Yeah. Sure.

Hi, Bruce.

Bye, Bruce.

So glad you're here.

I never noticed B2 had such good teeth.

Huh?

( playing jazz riffs )

Trust me. Follow me.

Where are we going?

Quit complaining.

I think we should get married here.

Well, you make me swoon from the gritty romance of it all, but what happened to The Temple of Dendur at the Met?

This time, I don't mean you and me getting married.

I mean, me and he.

Man: ♪ I just wanna touch you ♪

♪ Let me sit back... ♪ Naomi: Mediocre doorman by night... superstar baller by day.

Good God. Both: Sigh.

( chuckles ) God, he's great with balls.

Gabriel so belongs on the no-kiss list, but bottom standing will not suffice.

Yeah, but where the hell do we put him then? because obviously Donnie Weisberger remains a non-negotiable number one.

Obv. Yeah.

Rumor has it he's doing Habitat for Humanity crap in Guatemala dodging the drug rap from the senior skip day 'shroom fiasco. Yeah?

Donnie. Donnie. I miss him. Yea, Gabriel maybe new, but he's hotter than everyone else. Agreed.

Get it in. Come on. Come on. Oh, yes.

And George says he's in a band.

Oh, my God. That's even hotter.

Mm-hmm.

Well, then, welcome Gabriel to number two on the no-kiss list. Mwah.

Let us never forget the importance of declaring certain hottie McHot boys off-limits.

( scoffs ) Fine.

It is the official insurance against Naomi and Ely breakup.

I guess. Friendship where we never fight over guys...

Is a friendship that lasts forever, Exactly.

Done. Gabriel is off-limits.

If only our parents had a no-kiss list.

Then maybe my dad wouldn't live not in the building anymore, far, far away.

And mom Susan wouldn't still be sleeping on the couch?

( Deluka's "The Only Ones" plays )

♪ I'm trying hard here ♪ Got you.

♪ I give you all that I got ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, whoa, whoa ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, all you.

Call me. I'll call you. We'll meet up later.

Oh, no, thank you.

Smack that ass. Oh! Hey!

( speaks indistinctly )

Thank you.

( song continues on stereo )

Ely: Shake that. Shake it. Shake it.

Swerving on it. It's hard-core.

( both laughing, music stops )

Oh, my God.

Did you like that? Oh, I loved that.

God. ( sighs )

Do you know why I love you?

Because of my uncanny ability to wiggle my eyebrows?

Oh, my God.

That is fascinating.

And also because... when I feel like sticking my head in an oven, you pull it out, and you put cookies in there instead.

That was sweet.

Mm, thanks.

Check it. Check it.

( indie rock plays )

All right, let's see, what do we got for tonight?

Um... ( cell phone chimes )

Apples to Apples,...

Trouble...

What do you wanna do?

( gasps ) Let's eat cookie dough.

I got a 911.

Mama G.

Yeah.

Gotta go do damage control.

( sighs deeply )

I love you.

Meeya more.

And you said this was, um, all locally grown organically?

I'm glad somebody noticed.

Forgive me for having a deposition in the morning.

I take it couples counseling went well today?

Hmm.

Hey, mom.

Hi, baby. You hungry?

I was thinking of ordering Chinese.

Look how thin I was there.

Am I in any of these with you?

These were before you were born.

Here's some of me.

I look so much like dad here.

The selfish bastard's not even gonna send money this month.

We'll still be okay, right?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll start a jewelry business.

What do you know about jewelry?

Remember that beading set you got for Christmas?

I played with it a lot more than you did.

Can't sleep again?

Well, at least you're working things out.

That's what counts.

Thanks.

I think he's in his room. Okay.

♪

( muttering indistinctly )

SATs? Yes.

Floxinoxinihilipilification.

I don't have that.

The estimation that something is valueless.

Thank you for that very cheerful bit of wisdom, Mr. McAllister.

Soporific. Soporific.

Quack.

Excuse me?

It means, like, a poser. It was on my SATs.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had to take the SATs to get into doorman school.

No. It was for-- forget it.

Why aren't you sleeping?

I tried it all-- Ambien, counting sheep, weed, obviously, Complete works of Dotoevsky Dostoyevsky.

Don't care. I jerked off for a while.

Okay. That's-- that's plenty.

How long has this been going on for?

A while.

I blame Naomi.

I was five. She was seven.

We were left alone in the elevator together completely unattended, and she lifts up her skirt and sticks her tongue out at me.

And?

And my heart completely leaped out of my chest.

Naomi has owned it ever since.

Wasn't that like ten years ago?

And doesn't she have a boyfriend now?

If you're referring to Bruce 2, then technically, yes, but I know that I shall forever be Bruce 1 to her in every way.

Bruce 2, I laugh at you.

Oh, plus, just last spring, we're back in our same elevator, she's eating a Snickers bar.

( moans )

She leans into me, and kisses me, completely sucking my soul out of my body and into hers.

♪ Let me taste your honey ♪

♪ I need more, I can't get enough of you ♪

♪ Let me taste your honey ♪ ( elevator dings )

♪ So hot, you know just want I need ♪ See ya.

Have a good night.

I love the taste of Snickers.

( door opens )

( door closes )

( whispers ) Naomi.

Ely!

( laughs )

Where the eff were you?

I love that you worry.

I texted you, like, 37,000 times.

Happy hour had a happy ending.

I made out with the hello hottie.

You're giving me that same look you gave me when I told you Whole Foods stopped carrying chocolate-chip bagels.

Fine.

It's just... since when do you go around kissing random guys?

It's not random. He's from the Upper East Side.

And he invited me to his parents' place for Shabbat on Friday night. We never do the East Side.

Whoa, since when?

And you're not even Jewish.

No.

But I could be.

We're 21st-Century New Yorkers.

We don't believe in God. We don't believe in anything.

Whoa, I don't not believe in anything.

I believe in the no-kiss list and coconut cupcakes.

And I believe in you.

Snuggle me.

Since when do you actually go around kissing boys?

Since there's actually some super cute boys for me to kiss.

But in high school, you never even--

High school, shmigh school. Yuck.

Okay. In high school, my sexuality was purely hypothetical.

College gay's different.

Now, I can, like... actually meet guys.

Lots of guys.

So... now you're, like...

totally gay?

I've always been totally gay.

Right.

Of course. I mean... obviously.

But nothing has to change, right?

I mean, we're still Naomi and Ely?

Of course we're still Naomi and Ely.

Now, we're just Naomi and Ely plus boys.

Hmm?

Beddy-bye time.

Naomi: I lie to everyone.

But mostly...

I think I lie to myself.

♪

Closer. Closer. And say "Carrie".

Both: Carrie. Thanks.

So tell me, are you gonna do it with Bruce 2?

Yet to be determined.

You've been dating for, like, a month which translates to, like, a year in college time, and you're still doing things that end with "alking" instead of things that end in "ucking."

( chuckles )

What are you waiting for?

I don't know.

If I get chocolate, would you go coconut?

Mmm, I want it all. ( snarls )

But here's a thing-- he's, "A," kind of obsessed with me. Right.

"B," Canadian. Yes.

And "C," a Bruce, which is just kind of --

Redundant. I was thinking more vanilla.

Mm-hmm. Oh, my God. Ooh, speaking of.

But... Yeah?

He tells me I'm his muse, which is interesting, no?

Ooh. That's nice. That's nice.

Anyways, I told him to pick me up at the building tonight.

So you, like, actually like him?

I mean, I don't know. Maybe I do.

And like you said, we're in college anyway.

So, I mean, there's no reason we shouldn't do it.

Right?

Well, what do you think?

Would you k*ll me if I'm too strung out for sugar?

Read my mind much?

Home?

Yeah, home.

Awesome.

♪

( humming tune )

Can I help you?

Yeah. ( clears throat )

I'm here to pick up Naomi?

( elevator dings )

You must be Bruce 2.

♪ O, Canada ♪ That's you, big guy. Naomi will be right down.

She is just bleaching her lady beard.

Girl was looking borderline Frida Kahlo.

So not pretty.

I like that. It's nice.

( elevator dings )

Hello, everyone. How are we doing?

Bruce 1, meet Bruce 2.

Hi. Hi.

So what are we all doing here?

( elevator dings ) We're waiting for Naomi.

What about Naomi? ( wolf whistles )

Hey. Hey.

So, uh, you set?

Yeppers. Let's fly.

He's... coming, too.

Okay, I know, I know, I know, I shouldn't love a girl who toys so carelessly with other people's emotions, especially mine, but it's not like my brain has the ability to overrule my heart.

And other parts of your anatomy.

Oh, my god, George, that's so funny.

That's so funny. You're such a good comedian.

You're making a penis joke. Is that you're closer now?

God, we're talking about real things here.

Adult feelings. You wouldn't understand, George.

Okay, the perfect Bill Murray binge-watching weekend has gotta be "Ghostbusters," "Groundhog Day," "Rushmore,"

"Caddyshack," "What About Bob," and to end in tears, "Lost in Translation."

I love it! Amazing.

I'm telling you, I've seen it a million times.

He says, "I'll always remember these past few days with you."

Okay. Naomi, let's set this boy straight.

At the end of "Lost in Translation,"

Bill Murray pulls Scar-Jo in and whispers, "I have to be leaving, but I won't let that come between us."

Right? Come on. Right?

There's this film festival going on up at Lincoln Center.

We could go. No, Ely and I don't go above 14th Street.

You know what, I have a better idea.

Let's go. Grab me.

♪ I put on some make-up ♪

♪ I turn on the 8-track ♪

♪ I'm pulling my wig down from the shelf ♪

♪ Suddenly I'm Miss Farrah Fawcett ♪

♪ From TV ♪

♪ Until I wake up ♪

♪ And I turn back to myself ♪ Whoo!

♪ Shag, bi-level, Bob, Dorothy Hamill do ♪

♪ Sausage curl, chicken wing, it's all because of you ♪

♪ With your blow-dried, feather-backed ♪

♪ Toni home wave too ♪

♪ Flip, for, frizz, flop, it's all because of you ♪

♪ It's all because of you, it's all because of you ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo ♪

( cheers and applause )

Yeah.

Thank you. Oh!

Ely: Yeah! That was amazing! ( Naomi squeals )

Oh, my God, you were amazing.

I loved that one part when you were doing the thing.

When you were crawling across the table.

Did you like that? So sexy.

There's your little buddy?

Oh, my god, I know you. Can I get your autographs?

( laughs ) No.

That was insane.

( sighs ) I'm b*at.

Ely, homeward bound, darling.

Oh, daddy is hoping for a hot hook-up somewhere in this big bad city.

Hold up. Are you ditching me?

Uh, girl, I thought you two were gonna bump the uglies.

Oh, right, we are.

We so are.

Um, hey, you know, you could, like, definitely come back to dorm room if you wanted.

Be good, you two.

But not too good, huh? Get some.

Bye! Bye!

Yeah.

Woman: ♪ Something's happening to me, ooh ♪

♪ Something's happening to me ♪

♪ I feel myself changing ♪

♪ Face it ♪ Nice robe.

♪ What I want, what I want ♪

♪ What I want, what I want, yeah... ♪

( song continues on stereo )

( couple moaning through wall )

( chuckles )

Do you maybe wanna, like-- I don't know, take your top off?

Um...

do you want me to?

Um, if you want to?

Okay. Sure. All right.

Ooh. Victory.

Wow. Um...

Is-- is that from Choice?

( chuckles )

You gotta see this video of these ferrets on YouTube-- oh, sh*t.

Apologies. Proceed.

You wanna watch a movie? Yeah.

Cool.

Naomi.

Oh! Oh, monkeys.

Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine.

This is embarrassing. Thank you. Tampon.

So, what, your college Bruce couldn't you help you carry these?

Gina. Is that your girlfriend?

She must be really pretty. Obviously, she's pretty--

Gina was my mother's name.

Was?

I took this gig when she got sick.

I had to work nights so I could take care her when my dad was working.

Package for...

Thank you.

Just a little clumsy today I guess.

Thanks, yeah, I'll sign for that.

Ugh. Bills, bills, boring bills.

What is this?

I have no idea.

I've never seen anything like it.

Curious George, did you happened to see who put this archaic contraption in here?

( screaming and grunting ) Naomi: Mom?

Mom? Mom!

Mom! Have you gone non-linear?!

What are you doing? Oh, hi, honey.

What the hell are you doing with a freaking sledgehammer?

The closet wall--

Well, he had his and her closets, and there's no need for two anymore. Holy sh*t.

And that's why I thought I'd make one giant open space. sh*t.

I've thinking of pursuing interior design.

Maybe you should stick to jewelry.

K. Flay: ♪ Little did I know she would get so crazy so fast ♪

♪ So maybe I'll get baked on the daily ♪

♪ Put my feet up, let my mind go hazy ♪

♪ Little did I know sh*t would get this gnarly ♪

♪ This quickly, I hardly had time to think ♪

♪ Unh-unh, no time to think ♪

♪ If you're mad, fed up, find a bone to pick ♪

♪ And if you wanna get laid, then don't commit... ♪

( sighs )

Ely? Ely!

♪ 'Cause it's all downhill... ♪ Hell will freeze over before we come up with the money to pay for that wall.

If you need help, I can be a kind of a... handyman.

♪ My folks split up, and I came unglued ♪

♪ And I haven't really slept that well since then ♪

♪ Staring at alarm clocks on my nightstands... ♪ I have to find Ely.

♪ Sampling loops like they're dim sum ♪

♪ Tell myself I think I can, little engine ♪

♪ But sometimes seems like it's all been done ♪

♪ I wanna end on a good note... ♪ Ely, I hate you. Pick up your phone.

♪ Think I'll stay in bed ♪

♪ I wanna end on a good note ♪

♪ But, damn, I misspoke ♪

( sighs ) Hi. I'm here with Ely.

Yeah? You and everybody else.

Really? Really.

♪ Put my feet up, let my mind go hazy ♪

♪ Little did I know sh*t would get this gnarly ♪

♪ This quickly, I hardly ♪

♪ Had time to think, unh-unh, no time to think ♪

♪ If you want nice eyes, wear Maybelline ♪

♪ If you need a new friend, pick Rachel Greene ♪

♪ If you wanna act wild, go make a scene ♪

♪ Getting paid over here, baby, ching-a-ling ♪

♪ If you're scared to propose, then save the ring ♪

♪ And if you can't get it up when you lay the D ♪

♪ Well, I suggest you switch your mind state ♪

♪ When people ask you how it's going ♪

♪ Just say I'm great ♪

♪ Okay, well, I suggest you switch your mind state ♪

♪ When people ask you how it's going ♪

♪ Just say I'm great, I'm great ♪

Not bad.

( rock music playing )

Ely!

Oh, my God. Naomi, you're here.

You are the hottest.

Way to go AWOL on me.

I'm so sorry.

You know I'm always ready to dance with you.

Come here. Come on.

Oh, yeah, girl. You got it.

By the way, thanks for the retro tape.

What?

The cassette in my mailbox?

( laughs ) Where would I even get a cassette?

If not you, then who?

Bruce 2? Ooh.

Hey, there. Hey, excuse me.

♪

My night was a total bust.

You know, it's one thing to pull that Ely crap with someone else, but with me, seriously?

No, he crossed the line. ( sighs )

You know what I think? He's just jealous.

Of what?

Of us. Not that he should be.

Hey. ( groans )

Hey, are you okay?

Yeah.

God, you're beautiful.

Hey, do you think I could crash here this weekend?

I just definitely don't think I can deal with going back to the building.

Mmm. Please?

Only 'cause you're so damn cute.

( laughs )

So rumor has it that you spent the weekend shacked up at Bruce's.

Things, like, heating up with you guys?

You kidding me?

We barely made it to second base, which is fine by me.

Oh, yes, just the Robin I was looking for.

Robin, my name twin.

This place is like a total maze, and I got this philosophy paper due mañana.

Well, it's organized alphabetically by subject.

Hey, Robin, maybe since you-- you know, you work in the library, you could-- you could Robin out with his research.

Oh, right.

Robin, um, would you, like, want me to help you?

Uh, yeah.

That would be sweet. Yeah, major gratitude.

Um, so hit me up when you get off?

Okay. All right, yeah.

Get you ladies on the flippity-floppy.

Later, brah.

Dude!

( laughs )

He-Robin definitely wants you.

He does? Sure.

He just doesn't know it yet. First thing's first.

Just because you work in a library does not mean that you have to dress like a librarian.

When you make plans to help him, you gotta say something like, "It's a date," and then when you're together, you gotta make some physical contact.

( clicks tongue ) Physical contact?

Like where?

This is fun.

Okay. Work study is far from fun.

No, I mean, like, you and me doing girl talk, you know?

Never done it.

All my life, it's been all Ely.

I mean throw in a Bruce or two, but..

The girl quotient's always been zero.

Well, I'm really glad to be of service.

Robyn, what's sex like?

What?

You're a virgin?

No way.

Shh!

This is a library.

What about Bruce 2?

I don't know, is...

Bruce really the one?

Well, he doesn't have to be the one to be the first one.

Do you know how much easier my life would be if Ely noticed my looks in the "Wow, Naomi's boner hot," way and not in the, "Those stilettos I picked out for Naomi are great," way?

Ely is gay.

And that's never gonna change.

I know.

Hey, Naomi.

Stranger, what are you doing here?

Bug, where have you been all my life?

Where have I been? Where have you been?

We'll catch up. Magnolia?

Can't, I have to meet with my advisor.

Worst, but back at the building later?

Are you there? Oh, I can't.

La Paella with my Spanish Club.

Since when do we join things?

Since now, I guess? ( cell phone rings )

So suddenly college means we don't see each other?

Sorry. I gotta catch this. Hey, yeah, No, I'll be there in a sec. I gotta go.

See you never? I love you.

Meeya more.

Don't forget. Halloween shopping.

Hey, yeah, so I'm on my way right... now.

( Ian Britt's "The Shape of Us" plays )

♪ You're no longer alone ♪

♪ And we found a space to name our own ♪

♪ And there ain't no need to fret or fuss ♪

♪ We've got all the strength we need in the shape of us ♪

♪ In the shape of us... ♪ There you are.

♪ In the shape of us ♪ We rolling? Yeah.

Action.

Just know, I watched five men trip over themselves checking you out while you merely glared at them.

Your beauty, do you use it for good or evil?

Evil.

But don't worry, you're safe.

People make the mistake of letting beauty guide attraction.

My father fell for my mother the first time he saw her.

But he eventually tossed aside the beauty myth for the very real lesbian across the hall.

Then the lesbian remembered she was lesbian.

So dad left, and... mom decided to hide her beauty underneath the bedcovers.

No sh*t.

No sh*t.

♪ Now that I've proved to you that I'm worthy of your trust ♪

♪ Let us build a world in the shape of us... ♪ Hey, this is Naomi. You know you want to.

Leave a message. ( beep )

I cannot be the guy who leaves three voicemails.

Let me guess, Naomi's either late or she forgot.

Can I offer you a drink?

Um, no, I'm all right.

Good, I hear brandy can get you into trouble.

Who's Brandy?

My mother's brandy.

I didn't think you had a mom named Brandy?

I don't. She's more Jennie.

( laughs ) I'm sorry, you don't get that joke.

That's weird, oh, my God. I guess.

Wait, do you keep your p*rn in mint condition?

♪ Busted ♪ But it's a bit more embarrassing than that.

Oh, X-Men?

Yeah, I know I should have gotten rid of those, like, a long time ago. Are you kidding me?

Can I open it?

Yeah, go ahead. That's cool.

Man, the X-Men were, like, pivotal heroes for me.

The other superheroes, they have their normal alter egos, you know, the Clark Kents and the Bruce Waynes to hide behind. Yeah.

X-Men are different.

They're always exactly who they are.

Yeah, I mean, like, Wolverine can't shave, put on a tie and then go to work at a newspaper the next day.

Yeah, exactly, Cyclops can't take off a cape and attend fancy dinner parties.

These mutants are full-time mutants.

Yeah, their powers and weaknesses are all out in the open. Yeah.

Are you a mutant? ( chuckles )

I can roll my tongue.

Oh, yeah. ( German accent ) That's good.

Thank you.

I have a microscopic third nipple.

Oh, where is this we must-- No!

Jeez. ( both laugh )

I like you.

Don't sound so surprised.

God, I can't even imagine what you must think of me.

Terror.

Naomi has told me a lot of stories.

I bet.

But... Oh, man.

I like you better in person.

It's funny.

I think I've always liked Naomi's version of me best.

Maybe you're mistaken.

I shouldn't have done that. Nope, nope. Okay.

Sorry, no, no, no, no, no, I should not have done that.

Um...

I mean, I really shouldn't have done that.

You shouldn't have.

I wanted to.

I did, too.

So, call me Carmen San Diego, but I'm beginning to think that B2 is not the man behind my mystery mix.

Why? What do you mean?

Well, I finally got my hands on a tape player.

Pervy Mr. McAllister has one of course because he's still living in a different century.

And it turns out my music man's taste in tunes is pretty epic.

And I can only hope it's not Bruce 1, which leaves only one dark course in the running.

Who?

♪ Gabriel ♪ He has access, and he's in a band.

So he knows good music.

Naomi do you really think you should be getting this excited over a guy, Gabriel?

What about Bruce 2?

What's with you today?

( clears throat ) Nothing. I'm good.

Are we still set on Sid and Nancy?

Oh, so set. I love us on Halloween.

You'll look for me, I'll look for you?

Done. Awesome.

( gasps ) Ooh.

Hey, you.

Yeah, looks great. Try it on.

Are you snacking on stupid? I was obviously joking.

Since when do we endorse camel toe?

Ely what is wrong with you?

I have to tell you something.

Are you moving out of the building? No, no, I--

I kissed Bruce 2.

Yeah.

I'm sure, whatever.

No, I mean, like, I really did kiss him.

( clears throat )

Well, I hope you enjoyed it more than I do.

Just thinking... you know, you never put him on the no-kiss list.

So it was-- Yeah, well, I didn't put your grandma Gertie on the list either.

Some things are just obvious.

And Bruce 2 is not exactly your type.

Yeah, you're right. Look it was stupid, it was-- we were just in the moment and like--

Ely.

This is amazing.

Prepare to be jealous, people.

How much for this one?

( rock music playing )

( knock on door )

Oh, my God.

Naomi, you picked today of all days to be only eight minutes late.

Trick or treat.

I was in the neighborhood.

No, you weren't.

I'm glad you weren't. Come in.

I'm-- I'm sorry. For?

For coming here so late. For wanting to see you.

It's okay. ( knock on door )

Naomi: Ely!

Get in the room. Go, go, go, go!

This is the first place she's gonna look.

Uh... get in the closet. I'm sorry.

( knocking on door )

Naomi: Ely!

This door doesn't close.

Just go to the back and put something over your face.

Ely!

Ely!

Chill, Naomi.

Where the f*ck were you?

That belt... is offensive on you.

No, no. you're just saying that because you wanna wear it.

But your outfit's way better than mine, come on.

Face it, Ely, tonight, that baby's calling this waist mama.

We share everything, right?

Are you at least ready to go?

Do you mind if Bruce comes up?

He's downstairs.

I ran into him on my way to the laundry room.

The first, not your cheap-thrill cheating partner.

All right, Naomi, that's not fair.

Wait a sec.

You make out with my boyfriend, and I'm not being fair?

You know what, I don't know what I'm talking about, okay?

Let's just go.

All right. I guess you're right.

Let's motor.

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Got it!

sh*t! You know what? I forgot something.

What did you forget? My d*ck.

You can't possibly expect me to go anywhere without my d*ck, right, Naomi?

Two secs, meet me in the lobby?

No, not in the lobby. I'll wait here.

Okay.

Please stay. I want you to stay.

I don't--

This isn't some cheap thrill, and it's--

I'm definitely not screwing with your mind.

I don't know what this is.

But it's not that.

I'll be back soon okay?

Wait, um... gum.

Say you forgot gum.

( chuckles softly ) Thanks.

Yeah.

Hey. Got your d*ck?

Got your d*ck, Naomi?

If I did, would it get me anywhere with you?

Gum.

Naomi: Hold up.

Bruce 2, the prodigal son of dentists, only chews sugar-free gum.

Bruce 2 is an Orbit man, but Ely is Bubble Yum's bitch.

Since when do you chew Orbit?

Since Gaga replaced Madonna. Why do you care?

Why did you really go back to the apartment?

Told you, Helen Keller.

G-U-M.

Gum.

Wait.

Are you sure you didn't leave anything else upstairs?

Like what?

Like your balls to go along with your d*ck.

Language, Gene Harlow.

Buy your own damn drinks tonight, Ely.

It's time for a changing of the guard.

Come on, Bruce, let's take cutie patootie for a walk.

Are we going out tonight or what?

Have fun with whatever it is you're lying to me about.

Because I've changed my mind, Ely, I don't wanna go to a stupid NYU party with you tonight.

Is this about Bruce?

What's about me? Not you, the other Bruce.

Oh, is he coming with us, too? Why don't you ask Ely?

I just thought he was with you when he went upstairs earlier.

Looks like Colonel Bastard's upstairs in Ely's bedroom with a candlestick.

Listen, I was always gonna go with you okay?

You are my top priority.

( laughs ) Oh. That's brilliant, Ely.

I am so flattered to know that you put my needs over the needs of my boyfriend!

Well, I think it's safe to say he's not your boyfriend anymore.

No, let go of me!

Fine.

I like him. I really do.

Is that why you're hiding him? Because you like him so much?

Do you really wanna know why I'm hiding him?

Because I'm afraid of you.

Let's just take a chill pill. Let's breathe in--

Both: Shut up, George!

I need your jacket.

Go.

Come on, Bruce, I wanna dance with somebody who loves me.

Cutie patootie! It's Cutie Pie--

Shut up.

Have fun!

Hey, uh, Naomi?

Uh, I think I lost Cutie Pie.

Wanna play Candyland?

Wow, life in the big city. Whoa, look at that navel.

Well, where's your other half?

Isn't it like some law that if you're out in the middle of the night, the Ely appendage is with you?

It's kind of a touchy subject.

A quick recap-- what happened is Naomi and Bruce 2 are over, and now Bruce 2 is with Ely.

With?

Wait, Bruce and Ely are --

Yeah, it's pretty crazy, you know, Ely and Bruce 2.

She was just too good for him anyway, though.

Everyone in the building's been saying that for weeks--

Bruce, could you just leave us?

I'll call you.

Or you call me when you're done with--

Yeah, have your girl time. Just call me.

Whoa, Ely and--

I mean, are you okay?

You know, I don't even care if I was Bruce 2's gay learning curve, That we're so indifferent that we're not even bothering with an official breakup.

But I do care that my best friend is the reason.

I know it's a big bad world out there with w*r and injustice and global warming and people clubbing baby seals.

I'm sorry.

I care most about the Naomi and Ely bubble.

I love him.

Friend or brother or... whatever shade of Ely.

You must think I'm so totally pathetic.

I guess I just thought that...

( chuckles softly ) that someone as beautiful and confident as you would never feel as crappy as the rest of us.

No offense.

None taken.

Sorry to disappoint. No.

It makes you... human.

It's a good thing.

Whoa, Naomi.

What's got you all "Girl Interrupted"?

Nice costume, Robin.

Yeah, thanks.

Same to you, Robin.

( cell phone beeps )

Gabriel's shift just ended.

His band is playing in the West Village in 30.

Let's look him up, Robins.

But-- oh, God, what am I gonna wear?

This isn't a costume. Let's go.

I feel like a blueberry. I love blueberries.

♪ Upside down ♪

♪ My whole world is changing ♪

♪ Spinning round ♪

♪ And out of control ♪

♪ I should be letting go ♪

♪ Still I'm holding on ♪

♪ To you ♪

♪ Because I'm damned if I do ♪

♪ Damned if I don't ♪

♪ Drowning with you ♪

♪ And stranded alone ♪

♪ Give me the deep, dark, deep blue sea you see ♪

♪ Give me the deep blue sea ♪

♪ Don't leave me stranded ♪ Are you sure you don't wanna stay?

I kind of want to meet him.

Not tonight. Let's just go.

Hey, Naomi! Hey, you came.

Thank you so much. That's so awesome.

It's last call. Do you want a drink?

You want to get out of here? Let me buy you breakfast.

Come on. Eggs, bacon.

My treat.

I don't really believe in bacon.

Cereal.

Oh, well, I'm a Mueslix man myself.

( chuckles ) So...

You know, I'm just not really feeling well.

I think I'm just gonna go home.

Come on.

See you later.

Hey, Gabriel.

Otis: ♪ Let me tell you, baby ♪

♪ What it is I'm looking for ♪

♪ Ain't more than a little bit ♪

♪ So if you got it, baby, I'll adore you ♪

♪ Flash that smile for me ♪

♪ And a personalit-y-y ♪

♪ Is enough for me ♪

♪ It don't take that much to please me ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ For you to please me ♪

♪ All you got to do is ♪

♪ Pay attention, baby ♪

♪ It's easy ♪

♪ Oh, to please me, yeah ♪♪

( door opens )

Hi.

So Gabriel, George, Mr. McAllister and I have all decided that we're team Naomi, obviously.

But we kindly allowed you to keep Mrs. Loi.

What? But not the dog.

Okay, "Naomi and Ely's New York custody agreement.

Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.

"Thou shall not use the laundry room on Sundays."

"Thou shalt avoid Yaffa Cafe completely."

Instead try Starbucks on Astor place.

Thou shalt not go to Magnolia, ever."

"Thou shalt look through your peephole and make sure that I am not in a foyer when you were going to the elevator.

Thou shalt go and check your mail if you see me waiting at the elevator lobby.

Thou shalt go straight to the elevator if you see me checking my mail."

Okay. You need to leave.

I'll leave when you close the door. I'm twice your size.

Leave now. Just close the door.

Goodbye. Bye.

Amazing. Give me your hand.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't phrased like freaking Ten Commandments but it was like, "If you see me going to the elevator, go check your mail.

If you go check your mail, go to the elevator."

Can I get a pretzel? Like it's just--

I'm sorry, I'm stuck on incomprehension and just, I don't understand how something could last so long and be so strong and just end over nothing, you know what I mean?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Not nothing, okay?

That came out entirely wrong. No more Naomi talk, all right?

Okay? Promise. Come on.

And you know that pretzel's mine, right?

Oh, really?

( laughs ) Aren't toes funny?

( laughs )

Really, Naomi? I know what you're doing.

And that skirt hasn't fit since 2010.

Hater!

It's 5:00 AM. Maybe you should go to bed.

Fighting with Ely is so exhausting.

It is against the co-op board rules to nap on the lobby sofa.

Ugh, co-op board, shmo-op board.

Come on, please, just let me sleep out here.

Mmm.

( chuckles ) What kind of trouble did you get yourself into last night?

( sighs ) My backup friend Robin and I --

What is that, backup friend?

She's in my psych class, and we got all dressed up to try and get into this party with these awful girls.

Ugh, you would have hated them.

And the rest is kind of... blurry from there.

Yeah.

( chuckles ) Mm-hmm.

When is the room gonna stop spinning?

( laughs ) You'll feel better in the morning.

Actually, no, that's not true. You're gonna feel worse.

What? Yeah, you'll feel better in the afternoon, though.

Okay, good. Actually, I don't know that for sure, though.

You can't even be honest with me!

I'm not a doctor. I'm a doorman.

Listen, I know you think all this crap with Ely is like the worst thing that ever happened.

But there's a lot more out there for you than you realize.

If you're ready for it.

By the way, um, what was your favorite song?

The mix tape. Did you like it?

That was you.

Oh, I hoped it was you.

All right, okay, get out of here, come on.

( groans )

Good night, Gabriel.

Good night. You know what?

You're not a bad face to see first thing.

Good night.

What are you doing here?

Checking my mail.

I told you not to do this.

No, Naomi, see, you didn't tell me anything.

Telling requires actual vocal contact.

What you did is you wrote a list and said I shouldn't do this.

Come on, Naomi, this is so silly.

Yeah. It's a sh*t storm of giggles.

You know what? No, look, look, look--

No, you look! You blew it!

You totally blew it! You had me-- you really had me-- buying into this whole cult of Ely you created.

My God, stop lying to yourself, Naomi.

You never cared about Bruce. You just like the attention.

I'll plead guilty if I have to, but I don't feel guilty.

That's right, Ely, 'cause life's a musical, right?

You're the star of the show, the life of the party.

God forbid you should actually feel anything or realize that there are consequences to your shittiest actions!

You know what? You're exactly like my dad.

No, Naomi.

I am nothing like your dad.

I can't help the fact that you can't handle change.

It's not always gonna be the same forever, Naomi.

It's not always gonna be you and me.

That doesn't change the way that I feel about you.

Please, Ely, that is so cheap.

Grow up, Naomi!

If you can't start facing reality, you might as well crawl into bed and pull the covers up tight because you know what?

You are on the express train to becoming exactly like your mom.

You're no good for me, Ely.

I am tattooing you at the top of my no-kiss list.

I should have always been tattooed at the top of your no-kiss list, Naomi.

God, give me a break.

I'll give you a break.

A clean one.

Let's just do this once and for all.

Yaffa Cafe, Sunday, be there.

( pressing button repeatedly )

( door bell jingles )

Did you not get my-- my texts?

You're so passive-aggressive now that you won't even answer me.

Not gonna talk to me?

Naomi: If I say now what I really feel, Naomi and Ely really never will be Naomi and Ely again.

Let's get this over with. This is your sh*t.

Your turn.

Don't take back the belt.

That's the red glitter belt. Hmm?

If I keep it... if you offer it...

Why don't you keep that?

...then maybe there's hope.

You know, why don't you-- why don't you just keep it all?

You can-- you can have all of it.

You really have nothing to say?

I miss you, Ely.

I just, uh-- I don't wanna believe that you would give this... all up over a guy.

Man: ♪ I'd talk to you ♪

♪ If you weren't proud ♪

♪ And I'd run to you if you weren't running away ♪

♪ We are perfect in the past ♪

♪ Tomorrow crashed in oh-so fast ♪

♪ Our forever couldn't last ♪

♪ Or did you change... ♪ Morning, baby.

Mom, it's 4:00 PM.

I got you a latte.

We're still $200 short.

So they won't put the electricity back on.

I really need to talk to you. Dad, where are you?!

Hey.

Is everything all right in here?

Yo, dude.

You're bleeding.

Hand.

So what are you doing here?

Escape the residents.

Sometimes I, uh, sneak a smoke.

Okay, okay.

That's the best I can do.

You're really sweet, you know that?

No, I'm not that sweet.

You are to me.

I don't think this is-- No, it's okay.

If Ely doesn't believe in the no-kiss list, neither do I. Naomi, you're upset.

And I think this is one of these things--

Don't tell me. Doorman's code of conduct?

No, it's the gentleman's code of conduct.

Maybe we should have, like, dinner and a movie?

You really are a crappy doorman.

( whispers ) We'll get there.

( pop music plays )

Woman: ♪ I can see through the smoke on the side of the road ♪

♪ What it could have been ♪

♪ Lost and scattered, in pieces ♪

♪ Swear that I swore no more of this collision course ♪

♪ But then I go again ♪

♪ Lost and scattered, in pieces ♪

♪ Wrecked the promises and torn all the past ♪

♪ Heart's so broken, I can't help but laugh ♪

♪ But I can't turn away from this ♪

♪ So I crash and burn into your kiss ♪

♪ But I flip that switch and go for it ♪

♪ 'Cause life's a roadside... ♪ Oh! Oh, my God!

Aah! Oh! Oh, my God!

♪ So I crash and burn into your kiss ♪

♪ But I flip that switch and go for it... ♪

"Hedonist."

A person who sins.

No. It's a person who pursues pleasure.

That's the same thing. That's the same thing.

A person who pursues pleasure is a sinner.

Why would they also be pursuing pleasure if not to sin?

I get the point. "Capricious."

Capricious means-- So long, capricious.

"Capricious" means picking up sh*t, conveniently.

I'm never gonna know the meaning of that word now.

♪ Aah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Maybe I should walk to the top ♪

♪ 'Cause I can see through the smoke on the side of the road ♪

♪ What never could have been ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ I can't turn away from this ♪

♪ So I crash and burn into your kiss... ♪ I lost my train of thought because I did that amazing kick.

Did you see that? With the little towel?

( woman vocalizing )

♪ Oh, Naomi ♪

♪ Naomi, you're so fine just like summer wine ♪

♪ Naomi ♪

♪ Nao... mi ♪ Busted.

Busted what, though? I'm tuning a guitar.

Is that what you were doing?

Yeah, I don't play the guitar. I'm not a songwriter.

That's weird, I thought I heard my name.

No. Being sung. By you.

Don't think so. That didn't happen?

Little Red Riding Hood with your basket, what's in there?

Well, I made a feast.

Wanna partake?

I have a better idea.

What are we doing?

Something you've never done before.

Woman on PA: Brooklyn-bound F.

47th St, Rockefeller Center next.

Stand clear of the doors.

( light pop music plays )

Man: ♪ I sh*t straight as an arrow... ♪ Oh, my God, what planet is that?

Naomi: This is amazing.

And this is a park.

It's like in the middle of Manhattan.

Is it, like, central? Central?

Yes, it is, it's central. Wow!

Why would I hate it? I don't know.

Maybe you've been to a million castles, I don't know.

I actually have never been to a castle in my life.

I'm beyond excited. Okay.

Is there a princess living here?

Soon, in a few seconds.

Aw! Okay! All right!

That was too good. Stop.

Like, look at the view. Look at that.

It's gorgeous.

Let's go over here.

Where? Right over here.

A gazebo!

Oh. ( camera clicks )

Gabriel: So I think we should find somewhere really sort of secret but just off, you know, somewhere kind of hidden away.

Yeah? Why, you wanna make out?

Ew, gross. Why would I wanna do that?

( chuckles ) No way.

Oh, no, this isn't looking good.

No, it's really good.

Lies! It's not lies.

You hate it! You're washing it down.

I'm not washing it.

You know, princesses don't know how to cook anyway.

♪ My love, love is beginning... ♪ Do you remember how my first night on the job was your graduation day?

( sighs ) I do.

I watched you and Ely cuddle up on the lobby sofa in your gowns until dawn.

Yeah, that seems like a long time ago.

That first night... felt like the first day... of the end of my life.

But that sight of your dimpled smile, that laugh...

Oh, God.

...gave me the smallest glimmer of hope.

And that was all I needed.

♪ Love is beginning now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Love is beginning now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Love is beginning now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Love is beginning now ♪♪

There he is.

( chuckles ) I, uh...

I think I came out to my mother.

Oh, Bruce.

What happened?

I don't know, we were having breakfast, and she asked me what was going on with that Naomi girl.

I said, it was kind of over, and, God, I could have just left it at that.

Only I didn't wanna lie.

So I said, I've been spending a lot of time with this guy Ely.

And then I added, "He's my kind of boyfriend."

What did she say?

She said, um, ( chuckles )

"Does this mean you're gay?"

And I said, "No. it just means I'm not straight."

And then the morning just continued.

She didn't say "I love you."

And she didn't say "I hate you."

Is that your, uh-- is that your documentary?

Um, Yeah.

I lied to Ely when I told him I forgive his mom for what happened between our parents.

But I'm happy for him that they're working things out.

Even though mine aren't.

I don't think it was dad choosing a lesbian over mom that most damaged her sense of her... own... femininity.

I think it was--

losing her marriage to a woman she called friend.

Next question.

I am such an assh*le.

Today, we will be exploring the theory of the unfulfillable female desire for a phallus as envisioned by Freud.

( both laugh )

Is there something funny you'd like to share with the entire class?

I'm sorry.

( snickers )

The theory of the unfulfillable female desire for a phallus...

I've been broken up with Ely for 36 days, nine hours, and seven minutes.

I'm actually okay.

But still sometimes-- all the time...

I miss him.

Look, I know that I think that culottes are neat and that I say "neat."

Remind me again why you and Ely are still fighting.

Are you gonna hold onto this forever?

Naomi: How could I be in college and be so dumb?

I've been holding on to the Naomi and Ely fantasy, but that's just it.

It was a fantasy.

Ely was just being who he is.

And I love who Ely is.

( pop music playing )

Wake up! Wake up!

Wake up! Wake up!

Naomi, what the-- what the--

Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

He's not coming back!

I know.

( laughs )

I know.

I can't keep avoiding my former best friend across the hall.

And you can't keep clinging on to the memories of dad.

At some point... we have to let go.

I was afraid of that.

Me too.

Naomi: There's no way for me to know if he can find me here.

I didn't call. I didn't text.

I left it up to that old connection, that old friendship sense.

That and I left the red glitter belt on his front door.

You found me.

Hi.

You think, uh, we still add up?

( sighs )

I think that we should get married right here.

Ely?

We're never getting married.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

For everything.

So...

Bruce, huh? ( laughs )

( chuckles )

( sniffles )

Yeah.

Wouldn't it figure that the first time that you're in love and in a monogamous relationship, it would be with my boyfriend. ( laughs )

You know, it was Gabriel who made me the mix tape.

He makes me these amazing mixes and I'm so supposed to find the hidden meaning and make him one back.

Which I'm not very good at.

Yeah.

Are we okay?

Yeah, we're okay.

We're where we need to be.

I really love you.

Meeya more.

It's a playlist. Flash drive?

Um, I have really bad taste in music.

Like me anyway?

'Cause I really think I could like you, too.

All right, well, let's see here.

Bon Jovi... and Britney Spears.

I tried to warn you.

Oh, boy.

I'm coming for you.

Man: ♪ Is to hold on when you get love ♪

♪ And let go when you give it ♪

♪ Give it ♪ Whoo, how's it going, buddy?

What's with you? Just aced my SATs.

So you might want to take these.

Start studying now. That's my suggestion.

Hey, jealous about Naomi and Gabriel?

Nope! I do not care.

Oh, you're jealous.

He's jealous.

♪ It might help you through the nighttime ♪

♪ But it doesn't make it easy... ♪

( knock on door )

♪ To leave the party at the right time ♪

♪ If I'm frightened, if I'm high ♪ What you up to?

I'm watching a movie on my computer.

Which one?

"Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Come on.

You know I'm crazy about Tiffany's.

Get in here.

Naomi: It's bullshit to think of friendship and romance as being different.

They're not.

They're just variations of the same love, variations of the same desire to be close.

And like any love, it's difficult, awesome, treacherous, exhilarating, confusing, and... precious.

So what are you up to later?

Dinner with Bruce.

It's our four-month anniversary.

That's-- that's new for me.

What about you?

Gabriel scored a sweet new gig at Webster Hall.

Yeah, guess that makes me a groupie.

Want any hard advice?

I think I like figuring this one out... on my own.

So how's art class, hmm? Tell me.

It's going pretty be good. Yeah? I mean...

Naomi: It's a total lie to say there's only one special person you're gonna be with for the rest of your life.

If you're lucky... and if you try really hard... there will always be more than one.

♪ From the dark with you above me ♪

♪ Take the weakest thing in you ♪

♪ And then b*at the bastards with it ♪

♪ And always hold on when you get love ♪

♪ So you can let go when you give it ♪

♪ Give it give it, give it ♪

♪ Give it, give it, give it ♪♪

( indie folk music plays )

Man and woman: ♪ Lions and tigers and bears, oh, my ♪

♪ There's no fear when I look in your eyes ♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way we are ♪

♪ That's the way we are ♪

♪ Pigeons and chickens and squirrels that fly ♪

♪ Clouds that look like bolts in the sky ♪

♪ Oh, everywhere we are ♪

♪ Everywhere we are ♪ Man: ♪ We could go to the moon ♪ Woman: ♪ In a hot-air balloon ♪ Man: ♪ We could go to my room ♪ Woman: ♪ We can go real soon ♪ Man: ♪ We could go where it snows ♪ Both: ♪ We could shave our heads and go to New Mexico ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm ♪

( song fades )

Woman: ♪ I've got rain ♪

♪ On my shoes ♪

♪ I am broken ♪

♪ I am bruised ♪

♪ I can't see ♪

♪ Where I am ♪

♪ I'm so tired ♪

♪ I can't stand ♪

♪ But I ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ Give or take ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ Catch a break ♪

♪ Or a tear ♪

♪ Throw me out ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ And tell me I'll ♪

♪ Never know ♪

♪ But I ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ What to do ♪

♪ Am I her? ♪

♪ Am I you? ♪

♪ I may rage ♪

♪ I may run ♪

♪ It's not hard ♪

♪ But it's fun ♪

♪ And I am all over ♪

♪ The place ♪

♪ It's a dance ♪

♪ It's a race ♪

♪ I feel high ♪

♪ I feel low ♪

♪ There is one thing I kno-o-o-o-w ♪

♪ I belie-e-e-ve ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ I believe, I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪

( fades ) ♪ I believe ♪

♪ I believe ♪♪