By: Terrance Dicks
Episode One
First Air Date: 28 December 1974
Running time: 24:11
BRIGADIER: Now, just a minute.
SARAH: Look, Brigadier! Look! I think it's started.
BRIGADIER: All right, here we go again. (On the phone.) Get me the medical officer. Lieutenant Sullivan, emergency. Come to the lab at once, please.
DOCTOR: ...human history.
BRIGADIER: What's he talking about?
SARAH: It's something that happened when we first met.
DOCTOR: I tell you, Brigadier, there's nothing to worry about. The brontosaurus is large and placid.
HARRY SULLIVAN: This the patient, sir?
DOCTOR: And stupid. The square on the hypotenuse equals the sum of the square on the other two sides. Why is a mouse when it spins? Never did know the answer to that one.
BENTON: Excuse me, sir. The daily reports.
HARRY: Take him to the sick bay, I'll make a proper examination there.
BENTON: (To the BRIGADIER.) What's happening, sir? Who's...
BRIGADIER: That, Mr. Benton, is the Doctor.
BENTON: You mean he's done it again? He's changed?
BRIGADIER: Apparently. Saw it happen this time. Lieutenant Sullivan?
HARRY: Yes, sir.
BRIGADIER: I'm placing the Doctor in your personal charge. He is to have your full attention.
HARRY: Right-o, sir.
BRIGADIER: Right. Anything urgent, Mr. Benton?
BENTON: No, sir, just routine.
BRIGADIER: Yes, everything seems pretty quiet.
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): The complete set of plans for the new disintegrator g*n.
SARAH: Stolen? Who by?
BRIGADIER: No one saw them. Probably enemy agents. Small commando squad. They found heavy vehicle tracks. You realize, of course, Miss Smith, all this is top secret?
SARAH: Then why are you telling me?
BRIGADIER: Well, because... Because there's no one else I can tell.
SARAH: The Doctor's still unconscious? Oh, he'll be all right. I know he will.
BRIGADIER: He used to drive me mad, but I miss having him about. He'd have been interested in this robbery, there are some very strange features.
BRIGADIER: Actually, I want to ask a favour.
SARAH: Yes, of course.
BRIGADIER: You know Thinktank, the Frontiers of Science research place? All the latest in everything under one roof?
BRIGADIER: Yes, what about it?
SARAH: Well, now and again, exceptionally favoured journalists are allowed to visit it and, well, for ages now, I have been dying...
BRIGADIER: You want me to get you a visitors' pass?
SARAH: Ooh, please.
BRIGADIER: Nothing simpler. Come to my office and I'll fix it straightaway.
SARAH: And could I see the Doctor before I go?
BRIGADIER: Yes, of course.
SARAH: You're sure you've got the right man to look after him?
BRIGADIER: Young Sullivan? Oh, he's a very fine chap, first-class doctor.
SARAH: Seems a bit old-fashioned.
BRIGADIER: Nothing wrong with that, Miss Smith. You may not have noticed, but I'm a bit old-fashioned myself.
SARAH: Oh, nonsense, Brigadier. You're a swinger.
DOCTOR: Key. Key, key, key, key. Key, key. Yes, of course, obvious place.
HARRY: There you are. Now, come along, Doctor, you're supposed to be in the sick bay.
DOCTOR: Am I?
HARRY: Mmm-hmm.
DOCTOR: Don't you mean the infirmary?
HARRY: No, I do not mean the infirmary, I mean the sick bay. You're not fit yet.
DOCTOR: Not fit? But I'm the Doctor.
HARRY: No, Doctor, I'm the doctor and I say that you're not fit.
DOCTOR: You may be a doctor, but I am <i>the</i> Doctor. The definite article, you might say.
HARRY: Look here, Doctor, you're not fit...
DOCTOR: Not fit! Not fit! Of course I'm fit. All systems go!
HARRY: I say. Well, look...
DOCTOR: Heartsbeat?
HARRY: I say, I don't think that can be right.
DOCTOR: Both a bit fast, are they?
HARRY: Well, I...
DOCTOR: Still, must be patient. A new body is like a new house, takes a little bit of time to settle in. As for the physiognomy... Well, nothing's perfect. Have to take the rough with the smooth. Mind you, I think the nose is a definite improvement. As for the ears... Well, I'm not too sure. Tell me, quite frankly, what do you say to the ears?
HARRY: I really don't know.
DOCTOR: Well, of course you don't. Why should you? You're a busy man. You don't want to stand here burbling about my ears. Neither here nor there. I can't waste any more time. Things to do, places to go. I'm a busy man, too, you know. Thank you for a most interesting conversation. Must be on my way.
HARRY: There is absolutely no question of you leaving, Doctor. Now, you go back to the infirmary... I mean, the sick bay, get into bed and stay there until I say that you can get up.
DOCTOR: How can I prove my point?
HARRY: I... I feel I ought to warn you, Doctor, that there's grave danger of myocardial infarction, not to speak of pulmonary embolism. Yes, I should, I should...
DOCTOR: Mother, Mother... # I feel sick # Send for the doctor # Quick, quick, quick # Mother, dear, shall I die? # Yes, my darling, by and by # One, two, three, four... #
BRIGADIER: There's only one place he can be.
SARAH: I thought you said Doctor Sullivan was looking after him?
BRIGADIER: He's supposed to be.
SARAH: Cupboard. What are you doing down there? Where's the Doctor?
HARRY: Tied me up and hung me in here like a pair of old boots.
BRIGADIER: Where is he? Ah, too late.
SARAH: No, Doctor, wait! Doctor, listen. Please, it's Sarah. Doctor...
DOCTOR: Hello. Come to see me off, have you? Well, I hate goodbyes. I'll just slip away quietly.
SARAH: No, Doctor, you can't go!
DOCTOR: Can't? Can't? There's no such word as "Can't"!
SARAH: Oh!
DOCTOR: Why not?
SARAH: Well, because you're not... Well, because the Brigadier needs you. Don't you, Brigadier?
BRIGADIER: What? Oh, yes, of course, depending on you.
DOCTOR: What for?
SARAH: There's been this robbery, hasn't there, Brigadier? Some kind of secret w*apon.
BRIGADIER: Ah, yes. Very serious business.
SARAH: I mean, you are still UNIT's scientific advisor. Remember? Well, you can't go rushing off and leave them in the lurch.
DOCTOR: Can't I? Goodbye.
HARRY: Excuse me, sir.
BRIGADIER: What?
HARRY: Could you oblige?
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): Oh, yes.
HARRY (OOV.): Thank you.
DOCTOR: Excuse me.
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): What?
DOCTOR: Haven't we met somewhere before? No, don't tell me. Alexander the Great?
BRIGADIER: No.
DOCTOR: Hannibal?
BRIGADIER: No.
DOCTOR: Ah! Brigadier. Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart. How are you?
BRIGADIER: Very well, thank you.
DOCTOR: And Sarah Jane! Well, now, isn't this... What was that you said about a secret w*apon?
BRIGADIER: Doctor, there's been another... Where is he?
HARRY: In there.
BRIGADIER: He promised he'd...
DOCTOR (OOV.): I'm here.
BRIGADIER: Doctor, we must get moving...
DOCTOR: Is something wrong?
BRIGADIER: You've changed.
DOCTOR: Oh, no, not again.
BRIGADIER: No, no, I didn't mean your face, I meant your clothes.
DOCTOR: Don't you like them?
BRIGADIER: UNIT is supposed to be a security organization.
DOCTOR: Do you think I might attract attention?
BRIGADIER: It's just possible.
DOCTOR: One moment.
DOCTOR: No?
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): No.
DOCTOR: How about this?
BRIGADIER: Much better, Doctor. Now, if you've quite finished with your wardrobe...
DOCTOR: I'll try again if you like.
BRIGADIER: No, let's settle for that, please.
DOCTOR: Time we were off.
BRIGADIER: Off?
DOCTOR: To visit the scene of the crime.
BRIGADIER: The thing is, there's been another robbery!
DOCTOR: Tell me on the way, Brigadier. Tell me on the way. You must cultivate a sense of urgency.
BRIGADIER: Millions of volts running through the wretched thing. And for all the good it was, it might just... Doctor? Doctor, will you please pay attention?
DOCTOR: Oh, but I am, I assure you. Look.
BRIGADIER: Doctor, I have every respect for your concern for ecology, but, really, one squashed dandelion...
DOCTOR: Not just squashed, flattened. Almost pulverized. Now, how did it get like that?
HARRY: Well, I suppose it was stepped on.
DOCTOR: Exactly. And according to my estimation of the resistance to pressure of vegetable fiber, it was stepped on by something that weighed a quarter of a ton.
BRIGADIER: Funny thing is, they left a lot of valuable and top secret stuff behind. Here's a list of all they actually took.
DOCTOR: Just what you need for the control circuitry of one powerful, compact technological device. A disintegrator g*n, for instance?
BRIGADIER: What do you know about that?
GUARD: Yes, miss?
ARNOLD JELLICOE: That journalist girl is arriving, the one with a UNIT pass. Something of a nuisance at the present moment in time.
HILDA WINTERS: We shall treat Miss Smith exactly as any other visitor.
JELLICOE: I suppose so. I suppose so.
SARAH: Hello. You know, it's awfully good of you to allow this visit, Director.
HILDA WINTERS: I hadn't expected male chauvinist attitudes from you, Miss Smith.
SARAH: I'm sorry?
WINTERS: I'm the Director, Hilda Winters. This is Arnold Jellicoe, my assistant.
BRIGADIER: So, what are we looking for?
DOCTOR: Something that brushes aside chains and electric fences like cobwebs. Something intelligent that takes only what it needs and leaves the rest. Something that kills a man as casually as it crushes a dandelion.
BRIGADIER: And what sort of something? Is it human?
DOCTOR: I doubt it, Brigadier. More than human, perhaps.
BRIGADIER: Well, whatever it is, how do we find it?
DOCTOR: By locking the next stable door in good time.
BRIGADIER: Huh?
DOCTOR: It, whatever "it" may be, has stolen the plans for the new disintegrator g*n. It has also in its possession the necessary control circuitry.
HARRY: Do you think it wants to build the g*n?
DOCTOR: Why else steal the plans and the circuitry? Now, assuming I'm right, and I invariably am, what is the third vital ingredient?
BRIGADIER: The focusing generator.
DOCTOR: Exactly, Brigadier. Exactly.
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): Greyhound Leader to Trap One, over.
BENTON (OOV.): Trap One. We read you, Greyhound Leader. Over.
BRIGADIER: Mr. Benton, red priority. Emmett's Electronics, a smallish factory in Essex, I want blanket security, every available man. Air cover as well. I'll meet you there in... in one hour. By then, I want that place better guarded that Fort Knox. Out.
JELLICOE: As you've seen, we do most of what's called "frontiers of science" research here.
WINTERS: As soon as our work reaches a practical stage, it's handed over to someone. Someone with more resources and a bigger budget.
JELLICOE: Usually the government.
SARAH: Well, like the new disintegrator g*n? Well, you pioneered the research on that, didn't you?
WINTERS: Well, yes. I'm not sure you should know about that.
SARAH: Whoops, sorry. Talking out of turn.
SARAH: What's in here?
JELLICOE: There's nothing here. Nothing at all.
WINTERS: As you can see, it's empty.
SARAH: "J.P. Kettlewell, Robotics Section." He left some time ago, didn't he? That's right. There was all that fuss about it in the press.
WINTERS: Yes, indeed there was. As you probably heard, he turned against conventional science altogether.
JELLICOE: He spends his time on alternative technology, whatever that may mean.
SARAH: Well, what's through there?
JELLICOE: His storeroom. Professor Kettlewell left some valuable equipment. We're keeping it till he deigns to come collect it.
SARAH: Oh, I see. Ooh, funny, musty sort of...
WINTERS: Are you all right?
SARAH: Just about. Thank you.
WINTERS: Well, let's be on our way, Miss Smith. There's still quite a lot to see, you know.
SARAH: Oh, yes, of course. Thank you.
BRIGADIER (On the radio.): I tell you, Doctor, I've got the whole place covered. Armed patrols have every inch of the perimeter under observation. Helicopter patrols overhead. Inside that factory is a vault. Not a safe, Doctor, a vault. There's a sentry outside it.
BRIGADIER ((On the radio.)): Inside the vault there's a casket. A metal casket containing every focusing generator in the place.
BRIGADIER: Believe me, Doctor, the place is impregnable.
DOCTOR: Never cared much for the word "impregnable". Sounds a bit too much like "unsinkable".
HARRY: What's wrong with "unsinkable"?
DOCTOR: Nothing. As the iceberg said to the Titanic.
HARRY: What?
DOCTOR: (Makes the noise of the Titanic sinking.)
BENTON: All patrols posted, sir.
BRIGADIER: Everything secure?
BENTON: Yes, sir. The lads are so close together they're standing on each others' feet.
BRIGADIER: Good.
BRIGADIER: See, Doctor, not even a rat could get through that cordon. Protected from every side and from above.
DOCTOR: That still leaves one direction.
DOCTOR: There seems to be a very large rat about, Brigadier.
BRIGADIER: Rat?
DOCTOR: Perhaps you should employ the services of a very large cat.
PROFESSOR KETTLEWELL: I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Smith.
SARAH: Oh.
KETTLEWELL: I don't know why you came to me.
SARAH: Well, I'm not too sure myself, to be honest. I just felt something in the atmosphere at Thinktank.
KETTLEWELL: Yes, I severed all connection with that establishment some time ago, when I became completely disillusioned at the direction all our research was taking. The road to ruination. I'm now devoting my life to alternative energy technologies.
SARAH: Solar cells, heat from windmills, that sort of thing?
KETTLEWELL: Yes, as you say, "That sort of thing." Oh, sorry. It's a rich and complex field, and I have a great deal of work.
SARAH: Oh! I beg your pardon. Well, I just wondered if they might be carrying on your work in robotics?
KETTLEWELL: No one is carrying on my work in robotics, Miss Smith, because no one has the ability to do so. Good day.
SARAH: Goodbye.
KETTLEWELL: Good day, Miss Smith.
SARAH: Just going. Thank you.
BENTON: We think this is the other end of it, sir. Only...
BRIGADIER: Only? Only what?
BENTON: Only it's not a proper tunnel. I mean, no props or anything. Just the earth been shoved aside. Whoever went through it wouldn't be able to breathe.
DOCTOR: Whoever went through it didn't need to breathe.
BENTON: And then there were these, sir.
SARAH: I've... I’ve left my notebook in one of the empty labs. I know exactly where it is, I can see myself putting it down. So if you could let me just pop in and get it, I needn't let your director know what an idiot I've been. Oh, please. Look, my pass is still valid for another 10 minutes yet.
GUARD: Wait here, miss. I'll check for you.
SARAH: Great.
SARAH: It was oil. I knew it.
ROBOT: Who are you? Why are you here?
`
THE DOCTOR
TOM BAKER
THE DOCTOR
JON PERTWEE (RECAP CAMEO)
SARAH JANE SMITH
ELISABETH SLADEN
HARRY SULLIVAN
IAN MARTER
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART
NICHOLAS COURTNEY
WARRANT OFFICER BENTON
JOHN LEVENE
HILDA WINTERS
PATRICIA MAYNARD
K1 ROBOT
MICHAEL KILGARRIFF
PROFESSOR KETTLEWELL
EDWARD BURNHAM
ARNOLD JELLICOE
ALEC LINSTEAD
SHORT
TIMOTHY CRAVEN
ASSISTANT FLOOR MANAGER
DAVID TILLEY
COSTUMES
JAMES ACHESON
DESIGNER
IAN RAWNSLEY
INCIDENTAL MUSIC
DUDLEY SIMPSON
MAKE-UP
JUDY CLAY
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
PETER GRIMWADE
PRODUCTION UNIT MANAGER
GEORGE GALLACCIO
SCRIPT EDITOR
ROBERT HOLMES
SPECIAL SOUNDS
d*ck MILLS
STUDIO LIGHTING
NIGEL WRIGHT
STUDIO SOUND
JOHN HOLMES
TREVOR WEBSTER
THEME ARRANGEMENT
DELIA DERBYSHIRE
TITLE MUSIC
RON GRAINER
VISUAL EFFECTS
CLIFFORD CULLEY
WRITER
TERRANCE DICKS
PRODUCER
BARRY LETTS
DIRECTOR
CHRISTOPHER BARRY
TOM BAKER
THE DOCTOR
JON PERTWEE (RECAP CAMEO)
SARAH JANE SMITH
ELISABETH SLADEN
HARRY SULLIVAN
IAN MARTER
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART
NICHOLAS COURTNEY
WARRANT OFFICER BENTON
JOHN LEVENE
HILDA WINTERS
PATRICIA MAYNARD
K1 ROBOT
MICHAEL KILGARRIFF
PROFESSOR KETTLEWELL
EDWARD BURNHAM
ARNOLD JELLICOE
ALEC LINSTEAD
SHORT
TIMOTHY CRAVEN
ASSISTANT FLOOR MANAGER
DAVID TILLEY
COSTUMES
JAMES ACHESON
DESIGNER
IAN RAWNSLEY
INCIDENTAL MUSIC
DUDLEY SIMPSON
MAKE-UP
JUDY CLAY
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
PETER GRIMWADE
PRODUCTION UNIT MANAGER
GEORGE GALLACCIO
SCRIPT EDITOR
ROBERT HOLMES
SPECIAL SOUNDS
d*ck MILLS
STUDIO LIGHTING
NIGEL WRIGHT
STUDIO SOUND
JOHN HOLMES
TREVOR WEBSTER
THEME ARRANGEMENT
DELIA DERBYSHIRE
TITLE MUSIC
RON GRAINER
VISUAL EFFECTS
CLIFFORD CULLEY
WRITER
TERRANCE DICKS
PRODUCER
BARRY LETTS
DIRECTOR
CHRISTOPHER BARRY